I know I've practically been taking over the forum these days, but my friends are completely snubbing me (and I don't know why ). I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I'm not strong enough to do anything alone. You guys are also some pretty special people... why don't you exist in my in-person life?

Won't tell you the whole story but basically, I (21F) live with my parents, who are currently in the midst of a year-long separation. Dad wants divorce, Mom does not. Dad had an affair already based on circumstantial evidence (unconfirmed), and large amounts of money had been stolen (both saying the other took it). It's been an accelerating deterioration for both of them, and right now, it's really difficult seeing it because I'm trying to gather my own self together. My life pretty much collapsed entirely the past few weeks and I need more than I can give, shameful enough to say. Seeing my mother's visible misery, my dad's, and being unable to do anything really.

I thought I could talk to my aunt, who is Mom's older sister, which I just did. She was bringing something over and we just kind of awkwardly spoke by the front door. It didn't end the way I expected it to... She seems like a totally cool person, but offered an opinion that made me really uneasy. Basically, she doesn't think my parents should separate because once a woman is past 50 years of age, it's "game over"- her life is all it ever will be, apparently. Mom will be alone and destitute (Dad has been the main breadwinner in the family). She also asked me who I would want to stay with should a divorce occur, and I answered my Dad. Though that's not entirely true... I'd probably end up on my own, or with my older brother. Our sibling relationship is kind of weird in the sense that we get along, but he likes his solitude... and once you introduce money into a relationship, things get iffy. He's not responsible for me. I don't want to ruin the only real relationship I have left in my life.

I'll likely be going back to school eventually and won't be able to work much, so during that period (however long), I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing. It's possible I won't be able to afford to go back to school.

Anyways, Aunt said it's breaking her heart because Mom loves me (and my brother) so much, and it's in their plans for me to stay by her side forever supposedly. She said she couldn't sleep last night thinking about the little bit I told her then, that Mom is her sister, and she doesn't want her to wither away alone.

I told Aunt I loved my mother, and know she's done so much for me, but my parents have been miserable. I didn't tell her about the cheating/stealing money thing because I don't want to paint Dad in such a bad picture. There's really more to the story than what appears outside- he's been miserable in this family for so long. An unhappy marriage. Soon I'll be out of his hair though, at least, so one less person to support.

So aside from the tears, there was also anger on my Aunt's part. At me. Demanded to know what I want her to say to my Mom- am I asking her to encourage a divorce (she said she refuses to do that). I told her that's not what I meant... just to talk to my mom about how things are going, being sisters she has more clout, to give the situation a fuller look. My Aunt doesn't believe in divorce, but my opinion is that making the best decision requires consideration of everything. Even things that will make life more difficult in the short-term. Aunt also seemed a bit incensed at the thought that I would rather live with Dad.

But I may just be speaking for me. Mom doesn't seem to mind being with a life partner who cheats on her, lies to her, steals from her, hates her, and doesn't speak to her. I'm someone who just threw my future away because I refused to lie to my clinical instructor (long story, another time maybe- it was heavily implied that had I lied, I would have been in a better position).I believe in being fair to yourself... Right now, neither of my parents are. But again, that's me, not them... And you can't make decisions for other people. You can only talk to them, let them bounce their thoughts, and that's what I was hoping my Aunt could do.

Right now I feel so confused, and intensely lonely. I say that with neutrality, not to be maudlin... I'm extremely lonely, more than I've ever been- if not for the friends I've met here, on SAS, and the people on Reddit who have reached out to me.. yeah. Any advice, opinions, anything are appreciated.

Edit: Wait I forgot to mention that none of them know I'm headed 3500 km across the country alone in two weeks, indefinitely. My Aunt and Mom are people who flip their [BEEP] if I go out to Tim Horton's at 11:30 PM (I just needed time alone to think!! Fuck). Undoubtedly, I'm up against a lot of hell the next little while... I'm talking screaming, crying, begging on her knees (literally) for me to stay. If I had a bottle of pentobarbital, I would have drank it.