talking about depression and self harming

[Chloe]

so a while ago my boyfriend had a problem with self harming, this all happened about the same time as his granddad being ill and him leaving college. i would say he could talk to me, i would distract him if he felt the need to harm. he wouldn't tell me why it wasn't related to his granddads ill health, if it was because he was leaving college, if he was unhappy with anything going on in his life, if we weren't working out. none of that was the problem. as things got worse i got more and more upset every time i asked to see. time went on and the cuts got deeper and deeper, he became less patient with me getting upset and started wearing logger sleeved tops and became less willing to show me his wrists.
eventually i finally admitted it to a friend who confirmed all of my fears, i ended up telling him mum, i was terrified that he would do it one night and pass out from blood loss or fall asleep and his mum wouldn't think to check in with him. i knew he would be mad with me but i wasn't helping and he wasn't talking to anyone about what was going on. he was mad about this and i expected it. id told his biggest secret so i didn't react back. i knew i had done what would look after him the best, he could get help and people would be able to keep an eye on him even if he broke up with me because of my betrayal.
he went to counselling, he went to the doctors and as time passed on the scars healed. i've still got this worry that hell go back to the habit but hes not done it in a long time. i still feel bad for telling his mum and upsetting her like that but i know i did the right thing shes happier for me telling her so she can help him. he knows why i did it and i thought as time went on he would be okay with it.
however earlier this week we were arguing about him going back to normal cigarettes rather than e-cigs (he was supposed to be quitting) and i brought up the fact that hes drinking all these energy drinks in succession (something even energy drink company's say that you shouldn't do), he's gone back to smoking, hes playing paint ball something which he gets covered in cuts and bruises and lumps and bumps from and he's had to go on tablets because of his hand (he hurt it while on holiday so he had to go on antibiotics)
now he must have misheard me but this made him go off on one saying "i only had to go on those because someone couldn't keep there mouth shut and apparently i was depressed" i didn't know about any anti-depressants which i agree with him he shouldn't have been on. but this took me by surprise that he still had these pent up feelings.
so the whole point in me writing this is that im going to talk to him about this, i talk to him about everything and he should be able to do the same. i just want some advice on how best to act during this talk. i know not crying would be helpful but i dont know to i act really chilled and non-nonchalant no matter what he says or should i not even mention it he wont bring it up in his own time though which is my only worry that hell just get more and more annoyed with me as time goes on because he cant forgive me

[Keddy]

Chloe, if Matty cares about you- which from what we've talked about, it really seems like he does and that you two are a good match - then he won't get angry about talking about it. Self-harming is hard for a lot of people to talk about.
It took me forever to be OK with talking to my mom about cutting, and even longer to talk to my therapist about it. I don't cut anymore but when I was in high school I did and it was really traumatic to talk about it. I used to wear long sleeves and pants all the time.
He should be grateful that you worry and care so much about him. If he doesn't want to talk about it, it doesn't mean he's upset with you, it just means that it's difficult for him to talk about.
If he isn't currently cutting I wouldn't worry about it too much, it might stress him out to bring it up again if it's already in the past. But if he's taking up old habits again like smoking and overusing energy drinks, you might want to talk about it with him to see what's stressing him out. Usually addiction habits coming back are the result of stress or anxiety.
I think it's great that you're going to talk to him about it. I don't think it would be such a bad thing to cry if you feel like crying, if anything it will just show him how upset you are and how much you care.
I hope your talk with him goes well. I wish I could give you more advice, but I haven't been in a serious relationship before so I'm not too great at the whole "talking about it" thing. I can offer you a lot of support though, which I will.
I at least hope some of the advice I gave you was helpful and made sense
Keddy