PTSD from my last job

[Chantellabella]

I realized last Friday that I literally have PTSD from my last job. I was on a hiring committee last Friday for our new manager. The one who hired me was fired two weeks after I started.

There was an applicant who reminded me so much of my past supervisor. I was literally trembling when I got home. If any of you guys read my posts that day, I was a basket case. It felt like I was being bullied all over again. I had to take blood pressure pills, acid reflux pills and lots of Advil.

I felt like I had to survive all over again. I literally begged the director not to hire her. I hope he listens. One guy on our committee wanted her "100%," but I told him that this person would create havoc on our staff. The guy wasn't even an employee, so he didn't know the personality dynamics of our staff. That's why I was there.

I hope my director chooses wisely. I would hate to fight a bully all over again.

I asked my therapist if she thought I had PTSD from my past supervisor. She said, "Absolutely."

Great! She'll have to get in line behind every other trauma I've had since birth.

[Keddy]

Awh, Chanty

I know what it's like to be bullied at work. It truly sucks. I left my last job in January because of workplace bullying and some drama and disagreements between co-workers. I was a manager, like I am at the job I have now, and I still got bullied by my co-workers
I really hope they listen to you and decide not to hire her. It would be horrid to have to go through that again. PTSD is a terrible thing to have to deal with.
If you need to vent about your job, you can always talk to me. Unfortunately I was pushed into the corporate world when I was still a little too young for it.
When do you find out if they decide to hire her or not?

[merc]

I sure hope they listen to you. I hope the bully I worked with doesn't come back. I hope that you are yourself more wiser on a bullies antics and can shoot them down before they start. I'm ashamed of myself for not speaking up sooner.

[Chantellabella]

I sure hope they listen to you. I hope the bully I worked with doesn't come back. I hope that you are yourself more wiser on a bullies antics and can shoot them down before they start. I'm ashamed of myself for not speaking up sooner.

Please don't be ashamed about it. If you're like me, then I understand the lack of action at the moment. It's like when someone speaks to me in a bullying way, I freeze up and just go on autopilot. On their side, it looks like I succumbed to their bullying. In the past, I would never confront them.

But I think I'm changing my tactics from now on. Yesterday a co-worker was in a bad mood and spoke to me harshly in front of patrons and teen volunteers. Today, I plan to go in and ask her assertively not to do that again. I didn't say or do anything yesterday because the teen volunteers were there when it all happened. But I will ask her to either pull me aside to voice her displeasure or check her emotions while out in public.

I want to make sure my new job understands that I won't be treated in a bullying way. I have already set another co-worker straight who felt the need to speak down to me and copy it to the staff. I spoke to her in private and told her that what she did was not necessary and the professional way to do it would be to come to me directly.

My co-workers though are on my level. A manager would have some authority. And if that manager that I really picked up vibes on is hired, it's going to be a tough road ahead.

Maybe we're put here on earth to learn how to live with others. If she is hired, then I will truly see this as a way to teach me to finally defend myself in a constructive manner against an enemy. Maybe it's also a lesson on how to live with enemies. I would prefer the easier route out with another candidate being considered. It's in the hands of my director and I guess my higher power.

Which ever way it turns out, I'll have to deal with it.

[merc]

With me it all depends upon the mood I'm in when they decide to act. I remember the first time I confronted our bully. She and another woman were mocking some of the quirky mannerisms of a learning disabled individual. I told them to stop and they grudgingly did and she apologized and expressed frustration at the slowness of our "slow" co-worker. I accepted her apology and they stopped mocking her.
I now think they were afraid that I was going to report them to management.

I do have some good moments. Yet, I am well aware of my failures.

[Chantellabella]

With me it all depends upon the mood I'm in when they decide to act. I remember the first time I confronted our bully. She and another woman were mocking some of the quirky mannerisms of a learning disabled individual. I told them to stop and they grudgingly did and she apologized and expressed frustration at the slowness of our "slow" co-worker. I accepted her apology and they stopped mocking her.
I now think they were afraid that I was going to report them to management.

I do have some good moments. Yet, I am well aware of my failures.

I'm glad you assertively stood up to them. I think that was very brave. Thank you for sharing that story.

And somehow I managed to ask my co-worker to not speak to me harshly in front of patrons or the teen volunteers. I remember using the words mutual respect in there, but don't remember a lot of what I said. But it seemed to work because she looked truly sorry and said, "Yeah, I should not have done that. I'm sorry." Then we've been fine after that. She's even been kinder than she was.

Now I just need to keep my fingers crossed about who gets hired as the new manager.

[IllusionOfHappiness]

I want to make sure my new job understands that I won't be treated in a bullying way. I have already set another co-worker straight who felt the need to speak down to me and copy it to the staff. I spoke to her in private and told her that what she did was not necessary and the professional way to do it would be to come to me directly.

That's great, Chanty! I know a lot of people who would just keep quiet and take the abuse, but it seems like you've got a good handle on things now. Confronting people can be majorly anxiety-inducing, so I admire your efforts to ensure people know you won't be taken advantage of. Keep up the good work.

[Chantellabella]

That's great, Chanty! I know a lot of people who would just keep quiet and take the abuse, but it seems like you've got a good handle on things now. Confronting people can be majorly anxiety-inducing, so I admire your efforts to ensure people know you won't be taken advantage of. Keep up the good work.

Thanks for the encouragement, my friend.

[Kesky]

we run into those types every so often at work....more with coworkers than managers but the managers are complicit which makes things hard for those intimidated by them and others who simply want a professional work environment. I hope things are settling down for you a bit.

[Chantellabella]

we run into those types every so often at work....more with coworkers than managers but the managers are complicit which makes things hard for those intimidated by them and others who simply want a professional work environment. I hope things are settling down for you a bit.

Yeah, I've met more managers and even HR departments who adopt the "ignore it and it will go away" stance. I'm sorry, but all that does is create more problems until somebody quits in anger. Then they peg the employee who quit as "disgruntled." That's what happened at my last job. The director and HR department was so inept that by the time I left, I had had it.

Funny, I go to my last job's website to see if the teen programming had gotten any better since they hired someone. I shake my head in pity. They put programs during the times when no teen will attend (Friday afternoon???) That was the lowest time for the teens to even be in the library............the Muslim teens were doing prayer (especially during Raamadan and the rest of the teens were preparing to go out). I couldn't even get teens to work on Friday afternoons, much less go to a program at the time and day. The teens keep emailing me too and complaining that the supervisor won't give them service hours at teen programs anymore. They used to work the program, so they should get the credit. The teens retaliated by not showing up at all at the planned teen events. It's like the supervisor is hell bent on destroying what I built.

Even though I've done nothing but encourage the teens to go to the events and give the new librarian a chance, I'm sure the supervisor blames me somehow for the failure of the teen events. She's probably telling people I brainwashed the teens or something. She never took responsibility for her actions.

I heard that once I left, she started blaming another co-worker. Funny, shouldn't the world have gotten better once "the culprit/ scapegoat (me)" left the picture? I wonder who HR and the director can blame now that I'm gone and [BEEP] is still happening. Hm.

Sorry. I guess I'm still angry over the whole thing. I was hurt big time by the people who I thought were friends because of their by standing attitude.

I know it was all for a reason and I absolutely love where I am now.

I just get tired of having to let go when I know there has been an injustice. I guess I have to just have faith that things will work out for the teens over there.

[Keddy]

Yeah, I've met more managers and even HR departments who adopt the "ignore it and it will go away" stance. I'm sorry, but all that does is create more problems until somebody quits in anger. Then they peg the employee who quit as "disgruntled." That's what happened at my last job. The director and HR department was so inept that by the time I left, I had had it.

That is horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry you've had that experience with managers, Chanty. I'm a manager at my work and I take it very, very seriously. I don't ignore things at all. If someone comes to me with a problem, I'm not done with it until it's fixed. I actually have a sign on my office door that says "I fix things." LOL. It's not just talking about computers ;p
Unfortunately we do have a lot of workplace drama, and a lot of incompetent idiots, as any workplace does. A lot of my higher-ups do ignore things, even when it's something like bullying. It's infuriating.
I wish everyone could feel safe and validated at work, but there's always some shithead (or group of shitheads) who has to go and make things harder for the rest of us. My boss does her best, and she's a really great person, but sometimes things go under the radar
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that Everyone has the right to feel comfortable at work.

Keddy

[Chantellabella]

That is horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry you've had that experience with managers, Chanty. I'm a manager at my work and I take it very, very seriously. I don't ignore things at all. If someone comes to me with a problem, I'm not done with it until it's fixed. I actually have a sign on my office door that says "I fix things." LOL. It's not just talking about computers ;p
Unfortunately we do have a lot of workplace drama, and a lot of incompetent idiots, as any workplace does. A lot of my higher-ups do ignore things, even when it's something like bullying. It's infuriating.
I wish everyone could feel safe and validated at work, but there's always some shithead (or group of shitheads) who has to go and make things harder for the rest of us. My boss does her best, and she's a really great person, but sometimes things go under the radar
I'm sorry you had to deal with all that Everyone has the right to feel comfortable at work.

Keddy

It's all ok now though, Keddy. In fact, when I was going through all the bullying, then quitting, then being homeless and jobless, the people here were my greatest support. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you guys here listening, crying with me, holding me up and just being my friend when I was pretty hopeless and scared.

I really never thanked you guys for that. *a great BIG thank you,* my amazing friends!!!!

[Nightingale]

I understand this all too well. The man who harassed me (I refuse to call him my harasser - Grrr) groomed me for many, many months before I finally stood up to him. My health was failing, my husband was getting involved in an affair with a coworker, and my children were having problems in school. His harassment pretty much consumed me and I was always at war with myself. How to hide it so I could keep my job, how not to provoke it, anger that it was dictating almost every decision I made for myself and my life.

But when I reported him finally, he was so insulted that he flew into a rage every day for an entire month. Our office was literally a war zone. And I couldn't believe with how crazy he was acting, that some of my coworkers actually sided with him against me. I can remember countless times his anger towards me coming out to people right in front of me, but he refused to address me directly. I felt simultaneously like I didn't exist, but I was the only person in the room...with a bullseye painted on my forehead. Some of my colleagues actually cried in our meetings, it was so ugly.

One of the worst initial blows, however, was being ignored in my complaint by our organization's board of directors, the only ones who could discipline him. After that, they decided in a closed meeting that he was more valuable than the women he harassed and bullied. I'll never forget how utterly insignificant I felt when I realized there was no help coming. It's something I struggle with every day since.

[Chantellabella]

I understand this all too well. The man who harassed me (I refuse to call him my harasser - Grrr) groomed me for many, many months before I finally stood up to him. My health was failing, my husband was getting involved in an affair with a coworker, and my children were having problems in school. His harassment pretty much consumed me and I was always at war with myself. How to hide it so I could keep my job, how not to provoke it, anger that it was dictating almost every decision I made for myself and my life.

But when I reported him finally, he was so insulted that he flew into a rage every day for an entire month. Our office was literally a war zone. And I couldn't believe with how crazy he was acting, that some of my coworkers actually sided with him against me. I can remember countless times his anger towards me coming out to people right in front of me, but he refused to address me directly. I felt simultaneously like I didn't exist, but I was the only person in the room...with a bullseye painted on my forehead. Some of my colleagues actually cried in our meetings, it was so ugly.

One of the worst initial blows, however, was being ignored in my complaint by our organization's board of directors, the only ones who could discipline him. After that, they decided in a closed meeting that he was more valuable than the women he harassed and bullied. I'll never forget how utterly insignificant I felt when I realized there was no help coming. It's something I struggle with every day since.

I read this today at lunch and wanted to write you back then, but couldn't. I was also a victim of a bullying, abusing person at work and after no one (not even HR) would help, I quit. There is life after such an ordeal, but unfortunately it's like any other type of abuse...............you have to deal with the emotions and thoughts after such an awful thing.

Then to top off the problems at work, you're having those issues at home too. I'm so sorry.

Just remember that it wasn't your fault. I had to get that through my head and stop beating up on myself. This guy was a royal jerk and the people who mob bullied you were also dickheads.

I hope you find some support here as I think others have experienced bullying and abuse in their past also. There are also people here with depression and anxiety. I struggle with those too, so you're in good company here.

Hang in there and keep talking.

Cindy