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  1. #91
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    Quote JamieWAgain View Post
    I didn't say to move on, InvisibleGuy, and I'm sorry that you may have taken my words that way. I understand what you've been through and it is part of the tapestry of your life. Those threads of abuse run deeply through you and make you who you are. The thread of losing someone, someone you loved, right in front of you, when you were helpless to prevent or stop it, are part of the air you breathe.
    You can't change your past.
    But you can learn to live with it and you can learn to help yourself.
    Or rather...
    I have learned and am still learning to live with my past every day. Every minute of every day. Triggers pop up all the time. All the time. The worst times for me are when they are least expected. Today I was driving by myself and remembering a time in my childhood in a different part of the state I live in today, which if Fl.
    There's nothing I can do to prevent triggers but I can learn and am learning to breathe through them and change my thought patterns.
    I don't forget either. I have suppressed many memories, but they come out in dreams, in reactions, random moments, in flashbacks, in car rides....I've never forgotten. I just didn't want to remember.
    I too was in psychiatric hospitals and I didn't want to tell you this because I didn't want to trigger you but I too have tried to commit suicide several times. For real.
    It wasn't your fault what your girlfriend did. It wasn't. It wasn't her fault either. She was very, very sick. I was very, very sick. The only way I knew to help myself was to end my life.
    Now I've learned that I CAN help myself. Blaming others doesn't help me. Finding compassion for others always helps me and I don't know why, but it really does help me.
    So, please don't take my words the wrong way.
    Blaming causes bitterness. Compassion allows you to move forward. (Or it allows ME to move forward)
    Maybe not to a place where I might have been in my life, but too a place where I can function and find happiness where I can.
    My daughter is stuck in the past and it's a horrible place for her. She wishes she were young again and she wishes she never took drugs and she wishes she didn't have and eating disorder.
    That's what I mean by 'moving forward'. I encourage her to examine her past so that she CAN move forward. To see where people failed her. (ME most of all)
    But she can't seem to do that. I think when she finally can get angry she may be able drive forward instead of stuck in neutral.
    Does any of this even make a bit of sense to you?
    Thank you for the advice Jamie. I don't know if there is any such thing as "moving on". Maybe it's more creating a new existence lol, re-creating who you are, and finding a new way to survive. For real. I'm not, not, not the same person I was on 4/22/12, the day before my gf killed herself. If you knew me then you would not even recognize me as the same person now. I'm totally, completely a different person.

    I'm sorry you went through that time, I'm sorry you felt so low, that you tried to end everything. I've spent months in therapy....seriously, months, thousands of hours.....trying to figure out why she did what she did and it's really all for nothing. The best explanation I ever got was "she was probably acting on impulse, and not thinking clearly". Lol. Oh. Kay.

    I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and yeah, the worse times for me are when flashbacks come out of nowhere. I spend a whole lot of time in my car because of my job. Sometimes it will be a certain part of town. Sometimes a song on the radio. Though. Almost every song on the radio seems to be a trigger lately.

    You're right about compassion vs bitterness. You're so right, I mean, bitterness and resentment is not the answer. I don't think it's so much a black and white issue for me though.....I don't know that I'm bitter.....I'm just reeeeeally cautious, I'm really protective and I do. not. trust. anyone. anymore.

    Maybe that's the same thing as being bitter lol, idk.

    I'm sorry about your daughter, Jamie....she will find herself in a better place if she keeps working on herself, and if you keep helping her. I have a lot of regrets also. I don't think you failed her, at all. I think we do the best we can, you're being there for her in whatever way you can and that's all you can do. Regrets are just time wasted, really. And, yeah, I know I need to take my own advice.
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

  2. #92
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    I think it's normal to not trust anyone after what you've been through. I'm glad you don't trust anyone. You have to protect your kids and protect your heart. I know what a good father you are and you would do anything for them. Which means continuing with your therapy. One day at a time. One step at a time.
    -peace-

  3. #93
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    I feel like I'm the only millennial that doesn't laugh at someone getting, hurt, killed or angry (students from my high school would laugh at the teacher getting angry whenever they gave the teacher a hard time). I don't know if its some new trend to be edgy/mean to people in todays world. I'm not a fan of scary movies or action movies, its too negative and painful to watch.

  4. #94
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    I think with school some students are young and dumb. They think they have to follow the leader. Bit like a chain reaction. Is only when they get a bit older they see how wrong they were. I hate to see anybody getting hurt.

    As for movies? I tell myself they are just movies. Not real life. Just made up. Fake. Some horror movies I hate. The latest kind. Which are more about shocking people. Nothing like the old school fight horror film. Is a whole new type of horror film these days. I wouldn't watch them at all. The likes of ' Saw ', which I didn't even class as a horror film. Even making films these days designed to make some people sick whilst watching the films. Just the turn the films have taken these days. Not what I would be into at all.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  5. #95
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    Quote Cuchculan View Post
    I think with school some students are young and dumb. They think they have to follow the leader. Bit like a chain reaction. Is only when they get a bit older they see how wrong they were. I hate to see anybody getting hurt.

    As for movies? I tell myself they are just movies. Not real life. Just made up. Fake. Some horror movies I hate. The latest kind. Which are more about shocking people. Nothing like the old school fight horror film. Is a whole new type of horror film these days. I wouldn't watch them at all. The likes of ' Saw ', which I didn't even class as a horror film. Even making films these days designed to make some people sick whilst watching the films. Just the turn the films have taken these days. Not what I would be into at all.
    I sometimes have problems with authority myself cause they always seem to abuse their power once it goes to their head. The student in my school usually poke fun at the forigen teachers with accents thats usually the nice teachers. I can understand the students going against the teachers that are too strict, harsh and rude to their students but they always poke fun at the ones that are too nice and too weak to fight back

  6. #96
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    Quote Cuchculan View Post
    I think with school some students are young and dumb. They think they have to follow the leader. Bit like a chain reaction. Is only when they get a bit older they see how wrong they were. I hate to see anybody getting hurt.

    As for movies? I tell myself they are just movies. Not real life. Just made up. Fake. Some horror movies I hate. The latest kind. Which are more about shocking people. Nothing like the old school fight horror film. Is a whole new type of horror film these days. I wouldn't watch them at all. The likes of ' Saw ', which I didn't even class as a horror film. Even making films these days designed to make some people sick whilst watching the films. Just the turn the films have taken these days. Not what I would be into at all.
    And as for movies, I agree the horror movies are different from the ones back then, the movies now are super sick and twisted. I just cant tolerate seeing someone die in such a fucked up way. I'm not even a people person and I hate seeing that stuff. its makes me paranoid. I guess I'm just a wimp. *shrugs*

  7. #97
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    Quote fetisha View Post
    I sometimes have problems with authority myself cause they always seem to abuse their power once it goes to their head. The student in my school usually poke fun at the forigen teachers with accents thats usually the nice teachers. I can understand the students going against the teachers that are too strict, harsh and rude to their students but they always poke fun at the ones that are too nice and too weak to fight back
    If you are too soft they will take advantage of that too. That is human nature of a growing person. They only want to impress those around them. Show off and the likes. Probably all done it at one point in our young lives. Now we can look back and see it was wrong. Then? Heck it was all about winning points with the other students.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  8. #98
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    Quote fetisha View Post
    And as for movies, I agree the horror movies are different from the ones back then, the movies now are super sick and twisted. I just cant tolerate seeing someone die in such a fucked up way. I'm not even a people person and I hate seeing that stuff. its makes me paranoid. I guess I'm just a wimp. *shrugs*
    You are not wimp. I dislike a lot of films that are designed to shock people. Not frighten people. They don't do that any more. The film ' Raw ', out last year, they were handing out sick bags to people going into watch that film. It was not even a horror movie. Designed to make people want to throw up. That is what films have come to. No thank you. They keep those types of films away from me.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  9. #99
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    Quote Cuchculan View Post
    If you are too soft they will take advantage of that too. That is human nature of a growing person. They only want to impress those around them. Show off and the likes. Probably all done it at one point in our young lives. Now we can look back and see it was wrong. Then? Heck it was all about winning points with the other students.
    Its a shame people have to be mean and tough so no one will mess with them. I thought being nice was a good thing? For an example I'm now hearing some women online are steering away from sex and will only use toys cause some guys out there are not responsible when it comes to sex and will "stealth". I'm just now hearing that term this year. I didnt know it was a thing guys did. It sucks that we have to a negative route to better ourselves.

  10. #100
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    Quote fetisha View Post
    Its a shame people have to be mean and tough so no one will mess with them. I thought being nice was a good thing? For an example I'm now hearing some women online are steering away from sex and will only use toys cause some guys out there are not responsible when it comes to sex and will "stealth". I'm just now hearing that term this year. I didnt know it was a thing guys did. It sucks that we have to a negative route to better ourselves.
    Not everybody is mean. I am talking young people here in school who are still growing up. As adults we should all know right from wrong. If we don't at this stage in our lives we will never stand a chance. But you remember when you were in school? Who were the cool kids? The ones who messed about. Called a teacher names. Made all the other kids laugh. Not talking adults here. That is a whole new ball game. If women don't trust men, they probably never will. They will always have trust issues. Until they address those issues they will always be a problem in their lives. Not all men are the same. If women begin to think like that what chance does any man have in life at all?
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  11. #101
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    Quote Cuchculan View Post
    Not everybody is mean. I am talking young people here in school who are still growing up. As adults we should all know right from wrong. If we don't at this stage in our lives we will never stand a chance. But you remember when you were in school? Who were the cool kids? The ones who messed about. Called a teacher names. Made all the other kids laugh. Not talking adults here. That is a whole new ball game. If women don't trust men, they probably never will. They will always have trust issues. Until they address those issues they will always be a problem in their lives. Not all men are the same. If women begin to think like that what chance does any man have in life at all?
    I know a few adults older than me that are still immature and try to act cool by insulting people over the internet for no reason and in person. I guess they do it cause they dont want to get older or relive their past? Since getting old is considered a bad thing in society. I was trying to make a point about women using sex toys now sorry for the confusion i was basically saying we have to do certain things a way to get by in life that seems backwards to me and sad.

  12. #102
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    You will always get the keyboard warriors. The people who sit at home and use a computer to insult as many people as they can. They have nothing better to do.

    As for women and sex toys? Maybe start a new thread in the adult section so we can discuss that one in the right way.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  13. #103
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    Quote Cuchculan View Post
    You will always get the keyboard warriors. The people who sit at home and use a computer to insult as many people as they can. They have nothing better to do.

    As for women and sex toys? Maybe start a new thread in the adult section so we can discuss that one in the right way.
    People are more confident on the Internet. Give them anonomity behind an avatar and a username, and off they'll go. Seen it a lot of times. In real life, wouldn't say half the crap they say on the Internet. Or do half the things. Something something psychology. Of course doesn't account for all. Some are pricks offline too. Plenty of pricks offline.

    I can also think of several adults who are older than me who also spend there time insulting people. Hell knows why people do it. Boredom? Anger that they decide to take out on the Internet? Quite a few that I can think of had miserable lives and felt the need to take it out on someone else. Doesn't excuse it at all mind.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  14. #104
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    I voted to leave the European union.
    No, not because I'm some racist, xenophobic, flag waving, idiot purist. But because the EU are corrupt and bullies.
    and those saying it can't work if we leave ( remainers) will try anything they can to make it fail. Cutting off their noses to spite their faces. I think it can work. It will take years. But people will sabotage it anyway they can out of spite.
    We are the walking dead

  15. #105
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    Meh
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

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