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  1. #1
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    Dealing with grief and loss, death and dying

    I've really gone back and forth about whether or not to post this over the last few weeks. I know talking about suicide isn't allowed here, and I get why. So, I'll really watch what I say and keep that part of this short.

    The anniversary that I dread all year long is coming up Sunday, the day that gives me nightmares and PTSD, the day I just struggle to get through every year without self-harming or doing anything as stupid, the anniversary of the day my gf committed suicide. I won't go into details because I don't want to trigger anyone, but we were very, very close, and I was there, I tried to save her and couldn't before EMS got there. I suffer from PTSD, depression, nightmares as a result, although some of that has gotten better with therapy. I was put into three psychiatric hospitals not long after she did it. It took me quite a while, over a year, to be a functional adult again and even take care of myself, and hold a job.

    I'm just wondering, how has anyone here dealt with grief and loss? Esp if it was really sudden.

    Does therapy really help you? Does talking it out really help? I can feel myself just getting incredibly depressed. I can't stop it. I've been having crying spells, which always happens this time of year. I miss this woman so, so, so much.

    I've been avoiding my therapist lately. I have a habit of doing that around the anniversary date. Because....I know she'll want to talk about it, because it's all that's on my mind this time of the year. When I talk about it I get flashbacks again, and the nightmares (and even night terrors) come back. And sometimes I get so damn depressed after I dredge up some of this stuff, these feelings, that I go to a very dark place that I don't come out of for weeks, or months.

    So, does talking about it make you feel worse? I realize that avoiding the grief process is like asking to go to that dark place. Nothing good comes from that, but...I feel so horrible after talking about it sometimes. There are times when I finish up with my therapist or grief counselor and I feel worse than when I came in.

    I'm just wondering, for anyone that's lost someone close, how you got through it. I know this isn't supposed to be easy but I'm having a really tough time with the stages of grief. I think Sunday after I drop off my kids, I might go to the beach. It was our favorite place. There's an abandoned stretch of beach that I spread some of her ashes on not long after she died. I might do that again. Idk.

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry to hear about that. To answer your question - I lost my Uncle in August last year to...well, I'm not entirely sure to be honest. But he died rather unexpectedly, and complicated circumstances. i did see a grief counselor at the insistence of my GP, still seeing a "regular" counselor and going over some stuff with her. I think talking about it did help. It wasn't particularly easy for me to do, but I do think it did help in the long time.

    I'd have something planned for Sunday if I could, it might make the day easier if you're doing something, and if possible, don't be alone during the Sunday.
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    Wow Invisible Guy, your story is heartbreaking. You were there and did everything you could to try and save her. Your story is truly heartbreaking.
    I think it is going to take a very long time for you to process your loss, and I can understand how you are triggered every year at this time. I get it. I really, really do.
    It could take years and years, but that doesn't mean it will be years and years of agony. Years and years until you are able to process the loss and sort of be able to say goodbye.
    My only advise is to not rush yourself. If you want to talk about it, talk about it. Maybe have a private tribute to her every year. Something meaningful. I dream all the time about a friend I lost decades ago and am always aware of the date when the anniversary comes around. I think when I dream of her she is actually visiting me and letting me know she is alright. She is in heaven.

    I'm truly sorry for the sudden loss of your girlfriend and hope my words were able to sooth you somehow.

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    Quote Otherside View Post
    I'm sorry to hear about that. To answer your question - I lost my Uncle in August last year to...well, I'm not entirely sure to be honest. But he died rather unexpectedly, and complicated circumstances. i did see a grief counselor at the insistence of my GP, still seeing a "regular" counselor and going over some stuff with her. I think talking about it did help. It wasn't particularly easy for me to do, but I do think it did help in the long time.

    I'd have something planned for Sunday if I could, it might make the day easier if you're doing something, and if possible, don't be alone during the Sunday.
    Thank you for the advice. I'm sorry about the loss of your uncle, August of last year was not long ago. I hope you're finding ways to deal with it. I'm really sorry, Otherside.

    My gf died 4/23/12, so this will be five years. But I still don't think I've made much progress sometimes with the whole grief process. I mean....right after she died I used to sleep with one of her nightgowns held to my chest, and it's been five years, ffs, and I still do that sometimes. Maybe more therapy is the answer. It can just be really painful sometimes to bring up those memories. Sometimes I just don't know if it's worth doing. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to avoid, because *sigh* I am great at avoiding things, esp emotionally painful stuff. But therapy is probably a good idea. I just f-ing hate going sometimes, I really do.

    Idk if it's a good idea for me to be alone Sunday or not....at times I think probably not. I'll be with my kids most of the day. When I drop them off Sunday night I'll be alone though, so. Idk, maybe going to the beach will help me find a little bit of closure again. Or maybe it will make me feel worse.

    I went to the stretch of beach we used to hang out at last week, because I was on Galveston Island after work, and it was just right there. And I had a hard time doing that. So Idk, this whole grief process is really complicate and hard to figure out and Idk what's really best for me sometimes, as far as trying to get through this. There really is no recovering, there is no getting over it, there is no clear path, no destination. But thank you for the advice, Otherside

    Quote JamieWAgain View Post
    Wow Invisible Guy, your story is heartbreaking. You were there and did everything you could to try and save her. Your story is truly heartbreaking.
    I think it is going to take a very long time for you to process your loss, and I can understand how you are triggered every year at this time. I get it. I really, really do.
    It could take years and years, but that doesn't mean it will be years and years of agony. Years and years until you are able to process the loss and sort of be able to say goodbye.
    My only advise is to not rush yourself. If you want to talk about it, talk about it. Maybe have a private tribute to her every year. Something meaningful. I dream all the time about a friend I lost decades ago and am always aware of the date when the anniversary comes around. I think when I dream of her she is actually visiting me and letting me know she is alright. She is in heaven.

    I'm truly sorry for the sudden loss of your girlfriend and hope my words were able to sooth you somehow.
    Thank you. It's just really hitting me hard lately, maybe because I've been avoiding talking and thinking about it. I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. I try to remember that my gf is in heaven, and is looking down on me, still with me in some ways.

    I realize the grief process is a very personal journey and can take years and years and, I don't think you ever finish it, really. It just seems like I'm stuck. Every year around this time I start to go into this dark place I can't seem to come out of. I know a lot of it is guilt that I'll never really be able to get rid of. But, I guess I need to talk it out. It's just that talking about it is so damn painful. It hurts, thinking about some of it. I think I might have some kind of private tribute, like going to our favorite spot on the beach. Thank you for the feedback

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