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Thread: Blind Rage

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    Blind Rage

    I laugh. I cry. I can be sociable and professional. My mouth can and must be civilized. My behavior can and must be appropriate.


    I dream of taking out the majority of the planet at all times.

    I know it's because I am forced to suck it up.


    Anybody else have this kind of rage?
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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    That's actually the emotion I have the toughest time getting in touch with. It frustrates my therapist / grief counselor, to no end, I swear to god she probably wants to strangle me sometimes. It's the only stage of grief I've very, very seldom ever experienced or gone through.

    They say depression is anger turned inward, anger stuffed down and not dealt with. "They" being every therapist I've ever had, I guess. If that's so then I have a whole, whole lot of pent up anger. But I don't feel it, I can't get in touch with it.

    The two events that have shaped me or affected me the most are the abuse I suffered as a little kid at the hands of my mom, and my girlfriend's suicide. I can't get in touch with the anger from the abuse, because I've forgiven her. I'm mostly just really sad. Really sad that I'll never have a real relationship with my mom....I've accepted that it's just not going to happen. I can't get in touch with the anger from the suicide, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I blame myself, maybe it's the overwhelming guilt, Idk, I just can't feel it. Or I feel it very, very seldom. I just feel....really, really sad, the biggest sense of loss I've ever felt, in my entire life.

    I wish I could feel rage. I think I might actually feel better, if I was able to feel that.
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

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