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  1. #1
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    Struggling with Anxiety

    Hello,

    Hoping someone will see this and offer some kind words. Or maybe just writing it out will help me.

    For 15 years I battled depression, saw numerous therapists, was prescribed numerous anti depressants.

    In the past 3 years I have successfully been able to wean myself off of them, and I felt so proud of myself. I didn't need them anymore and I felt free. I hated being dependent on taking a pill every day to feel normal. I also hated the withdrawal that I went though when I ran out of my pills (ended up in the ER multiple times from effexor and venlafaxine)
    And I felt great for a while.
    Recently though, there have been a lot of changes in my life, I moved back in with my mom (I'm 29), my cat ran away for 26 days (she's back now), I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. These things may seem minor. I'm not trying to say that my problems are worse than anyone else's because they are certainly not. But, for the past 3 months I have been experiencing debilitating anxiety. Every night without fail, around the same time, anxiety hits me out of seemingly nowhere. I can't eat, can't sleep, fluctuate rapidly between being too hot and too cold. My heart races.
    I never had so much anxiety before in my life. It seems that the anxiety has taken place of the depression.
    My problem is, I do not have health insurance.
    I have already been to a walk in clinic in my neighborhood and surprisingly they were very nice and did give me a script for alprazolam, but with no refills.
    This was maybe 2 weeks ago, and here I am with ~10 pills left.
    I have an appointment to see a doctor on July 30th, but I am worried it is not soon enough.
    I don't want to take pills for the rest of my life. I don't want to take pills at all.
    But nothing else seems to help.
    And the most frustrating thing is that I know I have a great life and I am blessed with a roof over my head and family and friends that love me. So why do I still feel anxious?
    I beat myself up over it.
    I wake up at 6am (not normal for me) and walk around my neighborhood and that seems to temporarily help.
    I am having an internal struggle because I am desperate to not feel like [BEEP] and just feel normal but I don't want to rely on taking a pill everyday to feel ok.


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  2. #2
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    In life we become settled and comfortable in our situations /ways. ( You lived away from home and you had a boyfriend for 2 years ) If our situation changes it can have a knock on effect on us. I would guess this is what happened with you. I can't see any other reason for the anxiety kicking in as it has done. You may disagree. From experience I dislike changes. I am just so used to things the way they are. Good, but silly, example of this is my bedroom. My own mother wants to have it done up. I am happy with it as it is. In other words I don't want anybody in my room doing work. Just leave it as it is. That is what changes can do to people with mental health issues.

    As for medication? Good versus Evil. There are times we have to take a long hard look at our lives. Ask ourselves if we need help or not? Would medication improve our lifestyle? We may not like it. But it just might help us. Without it we might stay stuck as we are. I would ask about the right kind of medication too if talking to a doctor. There are those that have an instant effect. Others have a more slow, steady release. I am on the slower ones. I did try the other ones and found they stopped having that same instant effect after so long. Questions are always good to ask when visiting a doctor. If you have anything you feel you need to know about, ask the doctor. Lot of people visit a doctor and ask no questions at all. Heck it is paying visit, so I would be asking everything from medication to ways to cope. Getting my monies worth.

    For now, just try and look for things that work best for you, by way of relaxing your mind / body. Distractions. We are worst when we have too much time to think. If we are busy the mind is active. That is a good thing. Though with anxiety we all get those days were even doing small things can be hard. Odd day here and there. Just try and push through such days. Each day is a new beginning. You will get through this. Just keep believing.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  3. #3
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    Thank you cuchculan for your kind words.
    I may have to look into the extended release, and if I need to be on medication for a little bit, that's OK. I just don't want to take it for the rest of my life. Thanks again for responding. Means a lot.

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  4. #4
    Kimbra's Avatar
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    Welcome to the site.
    Beating anxiety this year

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