When you realize you are struggling so bad you don?t know how to talk to anyone you feel your a burden to those closet friends you once trust you feel talking just is problematic like your the inconvenience when you desperately want help but can?t ask the slow feeling as you realize your just not wanted when you just want to text someone please tell me it will get better it seems I?m taking from everything my family the government friends

When you just need to be held but even hugs aren?t getting to you anymore that moment your breaking down and your mom has to lay with you because your unable to think you don?t know what you want or need even my mother feels as she?s slowly moving on

To those friends I caused to hate me I?m sorry
I did not mean this to you maybe just maybe people are better without me seems I?m inconvenient

I don?t want to push you guys away but it feels I have yet I need to know you care
I feel lost hopeless
Maybe it?s just the past maybe just the words I?m hearing everyday
I get it I know
I?m not a good person I?m inconsiderate I?m not normal I?m to old to want to talk to my mom I need to join the military but you know I was just joking with you
You manipulated your mom when she was ill your too much i couldn?t handle you your not normal your retarded your trash maybe if you were better I could love you like a normal person I lack empathy I?m angry I?m destroyed I?m a lost girl searching for love I?m disgusting I?m a [BEEP] I?m a burden you could have it worse I?m slowly slipping away
I?m to much for friends I?m to needy for my mother I am to everything

I get it the point that I?m just to much for myself

Rather your subconsciously aware your verbally abusing me doesn?t make it okay it hurts a lot to hear these things every day
I never not felt like I was a burden until you made me realize you are narcissistic
You enjoy my reactions to watch me cry then to say you prayed for me and maybe if I had faith and believed in god my life wouldn?t be so bad then to question my PTSD saying what made you have ptsd in your life what was so bad that happen I loved you I got you out of foster care who raised you when your mom was sick who cooked who cleaned how sick are you in the head
I cooked food in the microwave I climbed to get my food I lived off of noodles hot dogs and frozen meals you were in prison you were not their you hurt me my mom my sister please remember you caused my mom?s problems your the reason why I feel I lost my mom completely

Mentally emotionally I am drained I don?t think I cried so hard like I did tonight I don?t think I ever had to beg for you to listen to how your hurting me to how your destroying me it isn?t a game I never felt I had to beg for you to get therapy until now
I wish for once I could just feel as I am not a burden to you


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