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  1. #1
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    12 Days of Anxiety Christmas

    On the first day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: The strong urge that I am going to screw everything up.

    On the second day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Two panic attacks during a final review.

    On the third day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Three unrequited loves and obsessive tendencies.

    On the fourth day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Four impulsive decisions that I'll regret for the rest of my life.

    On the fifth day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Five nights of insomnia and sleep apnea.

    On the sixth day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Six extreme amounts of family obligation and forced conversation.

    On the seventh day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Seven too many holiday parties with family you've met once.

    On the eighth day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Eight cases of body dysmorphia caused by too many Christmas cookies and societies' beauty expectations.

    On the ninth day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Nine hours of running around the mall bowing down to consumerism.

    On the tenth day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Ten entire days of hiding in my room, avoiding society and listening to Christmas music.

    On the eleventh day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Eleven instances of disappointing everyone I know.

    On the 12th day of Christmas, my anxiety gave to me: Twelve years of remembering that everything is temporary, and we are all going to die.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  2. #2
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    So sad and so funny. But mostly sad.

  3. #3
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    On the first day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuchculan
    One glass of OJ with a splash of Smirnoff, which is aptly named a Screwdriver.

    On the second day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuchculan

    Two clonazapans and one screwdriver.

    On the third day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuchculan
    Three red hearts and a rubik’s
    cube, two clonazapans and one screwdriver.

    On the fourth day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    Four do-overs, three red hearts and a Rubik’s cube
    Two clonazapans and one screwdriver.

    On the fifth day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    5 Ativans. 4 do-overs, three red hearts and a rubik’s cube, two clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the sixth day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    6 more screwdrivers, 5 ativans, 4 do-overs 3 red hearts and a Rubik’s cube, two clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the seventh day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    One bottle of excedrin and a good playlist, 6 more screwdrivers, 5 ativans 4 do-overs, three red hearts and a Rubik’s cube two clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the eighth day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    Eight full length mirrors and a good Cobb salad, one bottle of excedrin and a good playlist, 6 more screwdrivers, 5 ativans, 4 do-overs, 3 red hearts and a Rubik’s cube,2 clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the 9th day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    One lottery ticket and a massaging chair, 8 full length mirrors and a good Cobb salad, one bottle of excedrin and a good playlist, 6 more screwdrivers, 5 ativans, 4 do-overs, 3 red hearts and a Rubik’s cube, 2 clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the 10th day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch,
    One time consuming model, 1 lottery ticket and a massaging chair, 8 full length mirrors and a good Cobb salad, one bottle of excedrin and a good playlist, 6 more screwdrivers 5 ativans, 4 do-overs, 3 red hearts and a Rubik’s cube, 2 clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the 11th day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    11 happy memories, 1 time consuming model, 1 lottery ticket and a massaging chair, 8 full length mirrors and a good Cobb salad, one bottle of excedrin and a good playlist, 6 more screwdrivers 5 stivans 4 do-overs 3 red hearts and a Rubik’s cube, two clonazapans and a screwdriver.

    On the 12th day of Christmas Jamie gave to Cuch
    One cemetery plot and a wreath of flowers 11 happy memories 1 time consuming model, 1 lottery ticket and a massaging chair 8 full length mirrors and a good Cobb salad, 1 bottle of excedrin and a good playlist, 6 more screwdrivers, 5 ativans, 4 do-overs 3 red hearts and a Rubik’s cube, 2 clonazapans and a screwdriver

    Merry Christmas Cuchculan.

  4. #4
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    You too my friend. And I'll drink to that. Slainte.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  5. #5
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    On the 1st day of Christmas my small dog gave to me a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 2nd day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 3rd day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 4th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 5th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 6th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys, and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 7th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 7 cats for chasing, 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 8th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 8 pooper scoopers, 7 cats for chasing, 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 9th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 9 pugs a-prancing, 8 pooper scoopers, 7 cats for chasing, 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 10th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 10 labs a-leaping, 9 pugs a-prancing, 8 pooper scoopers, 7 cats for chasing, 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys, and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 11th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 11 fleas for scratching, 10 labs a-leaping, 9 pugs a-prancing, 8 pooper scoopers, 7 cats for chasing, 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

    On the 12th day of Christmas my small dog gave to me 12 wrapped gifts for shredding, 11 fleas for scratching, 10 labs a-leaping, 9 pugs a-prancing, 8 pooper scoopers, 7 cats for chasing, 6 frisbees flying, 5 harnesses, 4 tennis balls, 3 milkbones, 2 squeaky toys and a Wulfy in a pear tree.

  6. #6
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    On the first day of Christmas the barman brought to me
    A large Long Island iced tea

    On the second day of Christmas the barman brought to me
    Two margaritas
    And a large Long Island iced tea

    On the third day of Christmas the barman brought to me
    Three vodka Red Bulls
    Two margaritas.. hic!
    And a larsh Long Island iced tea

    On the fourth day of Christmas the barman brought to me
    Four Tequila slammers
    Free vokka rebbuls
    Two margaritash
    And a larsh Long Island Ishe Tea

    On the fiff day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
    Five G and Ts
    Four Tequila slammers
    Three vodka bedruls
    Two maggaritas
    An a larsh lonilanishe Tea

    On the Sicksh day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
    Six Harvey Wallbangers
    Five G an' Ts
    Forty quila slammers
    Three rodka vedbuls
    Two maguerites
    And Allah's longilandicetea

    On the seventh day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
    Seven gin martinis
    Six Warvey Hallbangers
    Five T and Gs
    Four Tequila shlammers
    Three vodka redbulls
    Tomb aga ritas
    An a large tong island ice lea

    On the eighth day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
    Eight Bacardi breezers
    Seven djinn martinis
    Six Heavy bangers
    Five Giant 'E's
    Four Sequila Tammers
    Vree todka redbulls
    To mar guerillas
    And a large long island ticed ea.

    On the ninth day of Chrishmash the braman bought to me
    Nine Black Russians
    Eight Bacardi thingies
    Seven mingatinis
    Six wavy headbanges
    Five Geeantees
    Four Tacky slimmers
    Free vodka redbulls
    Two macaronis
    An a large long island eyesh..HiC!

    On zzhe tenf day of Chrishmash the barman brought to me
    Ten pina coladas
    Nine Rack blussians
    Eight breecardi barzers
    Seven gin tarminis
    Six Harvey Ballwangers
    Five G and Tease
    Forty killer's lambers
    Bree rodka vedfulls
    Two senoritas
    An a long larsh island eyeshtee

    Onalevenf dayachrish mush the barman broughtamee
    'Leven double visions
    Ten pinka ladadas
    Nine Rush Blackans
    Eight Big mardi geezers
    Seven gym art teenies
    Six Warvy Hurlbangers
    Five Geeunteesh
    Four tuck eel us lamb us
    Free rodkul vedpas
    Two garmoritas
    And an eye long large Iceland tea

    Onna shwelf dayak rishmusha barman brought to me
    Zhe bill.... thasha fur kurralorra money
    Hopee tayksha shek forra:
    Twenny pina coladas
    Twennysheven black russkis
    Furrytoo bacardi whatsish
    Furryfife Grandma teenies
    Furtyshix Heavy Wallbingers
    Furtyfive Gin and Its
    Turtythoo Sick iller tammers
    Twenysheven Vodbul Redkas
    Twenny garmartiras
    And eleven long Island Iced Teas
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  7. #7
    Total Eclipse's Avatar Happy Sparkles and Coffee
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    Oh god!! This is frightening but amazing.

  8. #8
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    ‘‘Twas the day before Christmas and all thru the store
    Our customers cried we want more more and more

    The brooches were displayed in a shiny gold box,
    swans, starfish, a reindeer
    And a fabulous peacock

    Our store was re-done with new tropic resortwear
    in hopes that new guests soon would be there

    Outside of the store the ocean’s waves roar
    They roll in they roll out
    Raking the shore

    And in with the tides, the seashells appear
    Snails, clams and conchs
    For the gulls to hold dear

    The waves in the sea
    Display their white caps
    The rhythm of tides
    We all count on that

    Twas the day before Christmas
    And all thru the town
    We gathered at midnight
    And we counted down

    We looked up towards the sky
    Up towards the moon
    Oh Santa will be here
    He’ll arrive very soon

    As we’ve all been so good
    All thru our town
    Santa will fly in
    He won’t let us down”

  9. #9
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    'Twas the night before Christmas,
    when all through the Net,
    There were hacker's a surfing.
    Geeks? Yeah, you bet.

    The e-mails were stacked by
    the modem with care,
    In hopes that St. Nicholas
    soon would be there.

    The newbies were nestled
    all snug by their screens,
    While visions of Java
    danced in their dreams.

    My wife on the sofa
    and me with a snack,
    We just settled down
    at my rig (it's a Mac).

    When out in the Web
    there arose such a clatter,
    I jumped to the site
    to see what was the matter.

    To a new page my Mac
    flew like a flash,
    Then made a slight gurgle.
    It started to crash!!

    I gasped at the thought
    and started to grouse,
    Then turned my head sideways
    and clicked on my mouse.

    When what to my wondering
    eyes should appear,
    My Mac jumped to a page
    that wasn't quite clear.

    When the image resolved,
    so bright and so quick,
    I knew in a moment
    it must be St. Nick!

    More rapid than mainframes,
    more graphics they came,
    Then Nick glanced toward my screen,
    my Mac called them by name;

    "Now Compaq! Now Acer!",
    my speaker did reel;
    "On Apple! On Gateway!"
    Santa started to squeal!

    "Jump onto the circuits!
    And into the chip!
    Now speed it up! Speed it up!
    Make this thing hip!"

    The screen gave a flicker,
    he was into my RAM,
    Then into my room
    rose a full hologram!

    He was dressed in all red,
    from his head to his shoes,
    Which were black
    (the white socks he really should lose).

    He pulled out some discs
    he had stored in his backpack.
    Santa looked like a dude
    who was rarin' to hack!

    His eyes, how they twinkled!
    His glasses, how techno!
    This ain't the same Santa
    that I used to know!

    With a wink of his eye
    and a nod of his head,
    Santa soon let me know
    I had nothing to dread.

    He spoke not a word,
    gave my Mac a quick poke,
    And accessed my C drive
    with only a stroke.

    He defragged my hard drive,
    and added a SIMM,
    Then threw in some cool games,
    just on a whim!

    He worked without noise,
    his fingers they flew!
    He distorted some pictures
    with Kai's Power Goo!

    He updated Office,
    Excel and Quicken,
    Then added a screensaver
    with a red clucking chicken!

    My eyes widened a bit,
    my mouth stood agape,
    As he added the latest
    version of Netscape.

    The drive gave a whirl,
    as if it were pleased,
    St. Nick coyly smiled,
    the computer appeased.

    Then placing his finger
    on the bridge of his nose,
    Santa turned into nothing
    but ones and zeros!

    He flew back into my screen
    and through my uplink,
    Back into the net
    with barely a blink.

    But I heard his sweet voice
    as he flew from my sight,
    "Happy surfing to all,
    and to all a good byte!"
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  10. #10
    CloudMaker's Avatar
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    why would you post something so depressing

  11. #11
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    Just to annoy the shite out of you
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

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