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  1. #1
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    Brexit Trade Talks

    @Otherside you might enjoy this one.


    UK: We don't like our deal
    EU: Why not?
    UK: We only get 95% of what we want
    EU: It only gives us 95% too. that's how negotiating goes
    UK: We want a new deal that gives us everything we can think of
    EU: But you signed a deal
    UK: Don't care, we hate you
    EU: Bit rude
    UK: We elected people to go to your meetings specifically to say we hate you
    EU: And how is Nigel?
    UK: Not happy.
    EU: Why not?
    UK: TV has dried up. so we want a new deal, and we want the deal in 3 weeks, or we cancel our existing deal
    EU: Wait, what?
    UK: You heard. give us 100% of what we want in 3 weeks, or we break the law and walk away with 0% of what we want
    EU: Erh, suits us!
    UK: Wait, what?
    EU: Perfect. do it. walk away. take Nigel with you.
    UK: No, hold on, wait: you have to negotiate, so Boris can win
    EU: Why? right now you have 95% of perfect, and we have 95% of perfect. if we renegotiate, you get more but we get less
    UK: That's right
    EU: But if we don't negotiate, we still have our 95%
    UK: Woah, hold on
    EU: And you have nothing
    UK: But Dom didn't superpredict you'd say that!
    EU: And if we don't have a deal, we don't have to put up with you wankers on our lawn
    UK: The Tory media made us do it and then ran away!
    EU: I just found this spine. is it yours?
    UK: Welp!
    EU: So we'll just sit this one out
    UK: Fine, we'll go and make a great deal with the US
    USA: Yo suckers
    UK: We are here to get a lovely big trade deal
    USA: Sure thing. Obey existing deals, and give us 100% of everything, plus 51% controlling share in the NHS, and you get, let's see, 60% of what you have now
    UK: Not good enough, we have a special relationship
    USA: Bye
    UK: What?
    USA: Bye. talks are over, the special relationship is over, your country is over. bye
    UK: But we haven't got a deal, and we told everyone it would be easy!
    USA: It is easy: We are 26% of world trade, making deals with EU (20 and China (17. we don't need your 1.8%. No deal: easy.
    UK: But we really need a deal, the EU outsmarted us
    USA: We know. some of us can read. not Trump, obviously, but the rest of us. try India
    UK: Hi India, remember us?
    India: Oh fuck, it's these guys again
    UK: We want a trade deal
    India: And we want to vastly increase the number of Indians who can live in the UK
    UK: We can't do that. turns out we're, like, properly racist
    India: That is brand new information!!
    UK: So can we have a deal?
    India: Sure, fine. join the queue
    UK: Who's in front of us in the queue?
    India: EU, USA, China, Brazil, Korea (both of them), Canada, Australia, basically everybody, We're kind of a big deal now since we kicked you guys out.
    UK: So you'll be ready to negotiate in, what: 3 weeks?
    India: Ha ha ha ha ha
    UK: What did we say?
    India: 3 weeks? Try 30 years. this [BEEP] takes ages, bro
    UK: But we had a timetable of 3 weeks with the EU
    India: And how did that work out?
    UK: Erm
    India: Try Brazil
    UK: Hi Brazil
    Brazil: We are on fire!!
    UK: Maybe we can trade you some fire engines?
    Brazil: We like being on fire, it's our thing now!
    UK: Shall we try New Zealand?
    Brazil: I am so drunk!
    UK: Yeah, let's try New Zealand
    UK: Hi, New Zealand
    NZ: Hi, crazy uncle
    UK: We'd like to sell you some lamb
    NZ: Sorry, it's very noisy here, cos we still have a working economy. It sounded like you said you want to sell us some lamb?
    UK: Yes, we did.
    NZ: Hold the line, gotta tell Australia this, they'll [BEEP] themselves laughing
    UK: Hi Australia, wanna trade stuff?
    Aus: We wanna offload Rolf Harris and our worst ever PM. What can you give us for them?
    UK: We've already got them
    Aus: That was easy! So what can you trade?
    UK: We can send you some racists
    Aus: I think we're sorted. Try Russia
    UK: Hi Russia, we have loads of lovely things we think you'd love to own
    Russia: We already own them
    UK: You don't own Boris
    Russia: True, we rent him by the hour. ?160k for a tennis match
    UK: We really need a trade deal
    Russia: We know. we made you need one. Try China
    UK: Can we please have a trade deal?
    China: And you are...?
    UK: We're Great Britain
    China: Great, you say?
    UK: Well once
    China: It's not ringing any bells. do you have another name?
    UK: United Kingdom
    China: United, you say?
    UK: Alright, smart arse
    China: So you want a trade deal?
    UK: Yes, but first we demand you obey international law
    China: What happened to your deal with the EU?
    UK: We broke international law
    China: Have you been drinking moonshine with Brazil again?
    UK: We're very tired.
    China: Why did you leave the EU?
    UK: We couldn't deal with foreigners telling us what to do
    China: What do you want?
    UK: A deal
    China: With who?
    UK: Foreigners
    China: And why can't you get one?
    UK: Cos we don't know what to do
    China: Were you dropped as a child?
    UK: We just want a trade deal worthy of our status
    China: You've got one
    UK: No we haven't
    China: Yes you have
    UK: Why won't anybody take us seriously?
    China: Would you like to buy a mirror?
    UK: Finally, a deal!
    China: You had a deal worthy of your status, with the EU. You don't need to renegotiate deals: You need to reassess your status. You're not a mighty nation, you're a small, wet, heavily indebted island on the edge of a globally important trade bloc, which you just left, you tit
    UK: So, what do you suggest?
    China: Aw, mate. You already know
    EU: Hi there! Here to rejoin?
    UK: Yes, and on the same terms as before
    EU: Oh, I don't think so. Say goodbye to your rebate, hello to the Euro, and bonjour to the Schengen area. Willkommen.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  2. #2
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    Honestly, I'm at the point now where I can only really laugh at the insanity of it all at the moment. Its absolute madness.

    EU: Hi there! Here to rejoin?
    UK: Yes, and on the same terms as before
    EU: Oh, I don't think so. Say goodbye to your rebate, hello to the Euro, and bonjour to the Schengen area. Willkommen.
    Needs to be corrected to:

    EU: Hi there! Here to rejoin?
    The United Kingdom of Wangland (England and Wales): Yes, and on the same terms as before
    EU: Oh, I don't think so. Say goodbye to your rebate, hello to the Euro, and bonjour to the Schengen area. Willkommen.
    Scotland will likely be out before the decades up and back in. Gonna be interesting when Brexit does end up ending the union. Waiting for the shocked "why did that happen?"
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  3. #3
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    It seems like we haven’t been hearing much about brexit in a long time, at least in the United States.

    How has it been going in 2020? Has it made anything better or worse for people on this site from that part of the world?

  4. #4
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    A lot of people here are more concerned about covid-19 than Brexit at this point. It's still there, the elephant in the room, but they have bigger concerns. A lot are also just getting fed up with it and want it iver with, one way or the other.

    At the moments, it's technically happened, but nothing has really changed much and wont until the end of the year. "Brexit in name only." Won't see any change until next year or notice much. Nobody knows what those changes will be next year.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  5. #5
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    What has happened is that Boris changed his mind about the whole deal they were getting when leaving. Nearly went back on everything he oginally agreed upon. So they are trying to bask out any form of a deal now. Because the EU is not taking his crap. Things as they were before or a no deal Brexit.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  6. #6
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    Aye, he will either take whatever they offer - perhaps with a few token changes - and cover it with union Jack's and sell it as a great win for Britain, or he will no deal. And even of they do no-deal, it's not over. That's what a lot of people dont realize. I suspect eventually, we'll end up as close to the EU as the Swiss are.

    UK Internal Market Bill pisses off a lot of people here, beyond the thickest of thick. The "let's break international law with the NI part" aside, it's pretty much going to seize control of a lot of the powers that say, Scotgov and Welshgov have been given. Lot of anger over that. Pushing support for independence higher. Wouldn't have said this a year ago or so, but with that bill and the way Scotland has been ignored over Brexit, sod it. I'll be supporting yes next time theres an independence referendum, and voting that way if I happen to be living up there next time. The union is at lot more risk than a lot more people want to admit, and I'll suspect it'll have ended by 2030. It's fast becoming a case of "does Scotland or NI go first?"

    Lot of the brexiteers are eagerly awaiting the end of the European Union, and it'll be the UKs union that ends instead. Idiots.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  7. #7
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    I’m not very into economics so I don’t know for sure but I though I remember reading that London subsidized most of the rest of the UK.

    If it all breaks apart how bad will that make things for the other areas?? Sounds scary

  8. #8
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    It worries me economically, don't doubt it will be painful short to medium term. But then a lot of people now are looking at other countries that have done okay when theyve gone independent. We would be okay I think, in time.

    It's a catch-22 with London. Pretty much nearly all the investment goes there and in the areas surrounding London, so Londons done quite well whilst the government ignores the rest of the country.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  9. #9
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    A lot of Countries in the EU are fed up with Brexit. They have other things to worry about. With the whole Pandemic. In their eyes, the UK accepts what was on the table and leaves, or it is no deal. One person can't just suggest that the UK should be handed more. Other member states have to agree with everything. With most fed up with it all, it could be a no deal Brexit. Just get rid of them and let the rest of us get on with things. All was fine up until a month or so ago. Think Boris woke up and said ' Time to mess things up '. That was how quickly he went back on his promises. Called everything off as it had been agreed. He is that type of person. Bit like Trump. Never know what he will do or say next.

    The North has always been about numbers. As in who has the most numbers. Religious wise. Always been the way in the North. How many is born or each side every year. How many die. Can see how any area might look in ten years time. Will there be a shift or not. But North and South are working well together at the moment. No choice really.

    Scotland will be interesting. Know a few people there who want to be part of the UK still. They say there are many more with the same views. Can't see another vote on the issue any time soon.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  10. #10
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    Theres unionists in Scotland - not like the NI ones - but that argument is slowly, slowly beginning to not make sense. Many voted no last time after being told that voting no would mean losing our EU membership. Look how that went. Scotland voted overwhelmingly to remain, England and Wales voted no and we've been dragged out. Then theres internal market, how Scotland has handled the pandemic (competently). Scotgov is playing the long game. It won't be a fast thing. But they're getting there. The numbers are almost at 60% now.

    EU is certainly getting fed up. Can't say I blame them. Lot of leavers are unrealistic. "German car makers will give us a deal." "They need us more than them." Honestly, few need a kick up the backside. Britain isnt an empire anymore, it's not as great and influential as they believe.

    Boris hasn't got a clue what hes doing with anything really, he'll likely be booted by next year. Keep hearing that he has a bit of a drink problem. Seems to be drunk half the time in debates. Just wonderful that.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  11. #11
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    Lot of places in Scotland are split much the same the way as the North of Ireland. Not saying there are more Catholics, for want of a better word. I would imagine the other side have the numbers still. Is getting those in between to change their votes. First Orange Order march I ever saw in person was in Dundee. Dundee is split. Lot of Irish - Scottish there. Then you have your Unionists. But you have others too. Not on any side. Their votes make the difference. We can tell how all the others will vote. Much like we can in the North. Getting another chance to vote is the thing. Was there no a clause in something that said it would not happen again. Again meaning any day soon. Something just before Boris got into power. Forget what it was now. It was to stop another vote.

    I think with so much else happening these days the last thing the EU wanted to hear was Brexit. I think Boris made his move thinking the EU were focused on this virus. Done it at a bad time. Hence he got told, the original deal or nothing at all. In other words countries would rather be dealing with the virus at what that is doing to their own countries. No real time for Boris and his games. Nothing will ever be good enough for him. So he might just end up with exactly that. Nothing.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  12. #12
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    Nah, there wasnt any such clause. There was an offhand comment by someone saying it was once in a generation, but that was it. No clause stopping another vote happening. Scotgov have been sending requests to hold a vote fairly frequently, which they get told no to, but thats it. Partly that's political. "Look, UKGov is ignoring us. Again."

    I suspect it's a few years off. I suspect that if it does come around, it'll be the result of one party making an electoral pact with the Scottish National party next election. Unless one of the court cases a few people are trying come back with "you can hold a legally binding vote without UKGov approval". But I doubt it.

    I honestly have no clue what he thinks will happen. Personally I suspect he didnt actually read the agreement before signing it. Just wanted a deal so he could leave - at that point, parliment had made it illegal to no-deal. He also doesnt particularly like actually doing the work required to be prime minister. And getting a deal would actually require him doing work.Worst possible time to do a no deal Brexit though. Huge numbers of unemployed here right now, would be made worse by Brexit. Lot of people cant afford it. It'll either be no-deal, or he'll either agree to everything they want with an odd token concession that'll he say is a great win for Great Britain over Europe, and he'll cover it in union Jack's whilst singing rule Britainia. Hes done that before, and he'll do it again.

    Boris isnt very popular here at the monent. Hes pretty much overwhelmingly viewed as having massively mishandled covid. He'll be out next year I think. Party will pin the blame on him for covid + screwing up Brexit, put someone else in charge.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  13. #13
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    Maybe it was just her phrasing when pushing for the vote that was used against her once she lost and wanted a second vote. She had said it was to be a once in a lifetime vote. Might depend on how her words were taken up. Just maybe some saw that as a promise. If we lose, we won't ask again. Just remember hearing something were it was said it another bote would not happen because of something or other.

    All our online shopping will suffer once the UK does leave. Is all over the radio here. Waening us that is buy from British sites the rules will change. But we knew that already. Fair to say we order a lot from British sites. Won't be worth doing once they leave the EU. All the added tax and exise duty and the likes.

    Case of who is there to step in if Boris is forced out? Normally we know all the main names over here. Not as many big names these days. but not heard much because the radio is all bloody pandemic talk.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  14. #14
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    Yeah, "once in a generation" is used a lot. When it comes to asking for a second vote, they're fairly sure that it'll be rejected, but they need to be seen to do it. But they have elections coming soon. People want a "Plan B" after that. Have to see what that is. Could he they hold a referendum without UKGov approval. Not legally binding though. Theyve said they need to wait until 60% until they act, but we're getting there now. Yesterdays numbers was 58% for, highest it's ever been. Keeps rising.

    It's at the point where the majority of people under 65 now support independence. If and when there's a vote on it, Scotlsnd will go this time. It does feel a bit inevitable there now.
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  15. #15
    Cuchculan's Avatar
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    There would be no real trouble if Scotland left the UK. If the North left and became one with the rest of Ireland there would be major trouble. Loyalists would take up arms again. Bombs would be planted in the bigger Counties down here. Dublin the main target. Which is why a lot of Irish people would not want a United Ireland. Too much trouble.

    Plus the North turns over a loss every year. British government has to hand over millions each year. If that became our problem it would be an instant recession. Have to ask ' Could we afford its upkeep '. I would guess a big NO to that one.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

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