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Thread: safe person

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    Chloe's Avatar
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    safe person

    i've heard some things about people with anxiety developing a safe person. and recently i've had my boyfriend go on holiday for 3 weeks and this for me has created a lot of anxiety over trivial things although no panic attacks. i've been so much better with my panic attacks and cant remember the last time i had one although it easily has to be the beginning of September or something like which is amazing. but now my possible safe person has gone away im really scared about what things will be like when he gets back as well as things which i deal with on a normal basis. i was just wondering if anyone else had any experience with having a 'Safe person' or knowing how to identify one ??

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    Well, I think we all should have a 'safe person,' or several. It sounds as though it's difficult for you to transition from being with someone to being alone, then back again. I can definitely relate. If I haven't seen my gf in a while, I will become apprehensive about hanging out with her. Immediately upon seeing her, things will be normal again, and I will wonder why I had been afraid. I think you and your boyfriend will be able to "pick up where you left off," and that you'll be surprised at how easy it is (when he returns home). Things will be normal between you because you are the same people you were three weeks ago, even though that feels like an Ice Age.

    I have always needed a 'safe person,' even if they were just a friend or a roommate. A safe person is someone who accepts you for who you are, doesn't try to change you, and is there for you. In return, you can do the same for them. I've learned that friendships sort of ebb and flow, so the 'safe people' in my life, apart from my girlfriend, sometimes change. For me that's the difficult part. What I've had to learn is that drifting apart doesn't have to mean losing faith in one another, or losing the friendship as well. I don't mean to get OT there.

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    glad im not just being the clingy other half theres someone else who doesn't like it as much as me. unfortunately it's never really been the case of being able to pick up from where we were. i know its him and i know hes exactly the same person but for some reason i can never relax around him like i could before. but i've always noticed a trend of whenever he went away or i didnt see him or i didnt expose myself to triggers with him i would become sensitised to them and go back to square 1 all over again. fingers crossed though

    i'd imagine it would be bad loosing someone that means that much to you, i've lost friendships that have just ebbed like you say i can accept that and just go well they're going in that direction in like and im going in this one so oh well. that for me isn't too traumatic. but i've yet to loose a safe person (and hopefully i wont loose this one)

    for me the biggest comfort and person who has always helped me with anxiety and just through a rocky period in life that is being a teenager was my boyfriend. but hes been there through all of the anxiety junk despite the fact that he's also been my trigger. i can handle people getting angry to a degree but because he's not an angry person any shouting or even annoyance to me is terrifying mainly because i know its what hes not like. any attention i can handle but if he puts me on the spot sometimes i freeze and can't talk any more (or it feels that way) and the idea of making eye contact is almost offensive. he is my biggest triggers to a lot of things and always has been despite 0 reason for this. so its a weird one to say the least.

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    I always called my safe person my "go to" . This person changes depending on where I am and who I am with. Like I will ask my best friend to come places with me or I will not go, I feel comfortable in their presence even if I am not talking to them but am with another person. It is almost like a child having their parent close by. My best friend also causes me so much hurt, makes me feel angry, hurt and lonely, sometimes I feel really forgotten or worthless to her - sometimes this is me over thinking things and sometimes I know it is not. The thing though is when I am with her everything is great and I feel completely me around her, safe, carefree and happy but often when away from her I get jealous and compare her life to when I am there to when I am not. My safe person make me feel free but also hurts me!! I don't know if that is what you were looking for x
    life---> <---me

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    Quote lasair View Post
    I always called my safe person my "go to" . This person changes depending on where I am and who I am with. Like I will ask my best friend to come places with me or I will not go, I feel comfortable in their presence even if I am not talking to them but am with another person. It is almost like a child having their parent close by. My best friend also causes me so much hurt, makes me feel angry, hurt and lonely, sometimes I feel really forgotten or worthless to her - sometimes this is me over thinking things and sometimes I know it is not. The thing though is when I am with her everything is great and I feel completely me around her, safe, carefree and happy but often when away from her I get jealous and compare her life to when I am there to when I am not. My safe person make me feel free but also hurts me!! I don't know if that is what you were looking for x
    hmmm sounds like a tough friendship, i get what you mean of being almost jealous of that person and what they have as well as all those thoughts that float in your head while they're busy ignoring you or off doing something you can't do and you almost feel left behind defiantly not a fun feeling. to be fair i'm not sure what im looking for answer wise since i know someone will have to relate, i know that not many people will be able to advise best since very few people know exactly the best way to handle someone elses problems they can only suggest. tricky not fun times i guess
    i know one thing that won't be helping is a break down in communication which should be resolved when he gets back but in the mean time its not going to really help me try and relax about the idea of him coming home in about 15 days time

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    I have people I really like and trust. I love them because with these few people I can relax and be myself. Unfortunately, I can't trust or relax around most people. I'm always goofing around with a co-worker, I like. We are friends and I can laugh and joke freely with him and on occasion I've seen one or two people that I struggle to even look or smile at, look up in bewilderment.

    I don't mean to be rude by judging so many people to be hostile jerks that want to be mean to others on purpose. I've met so many that are though.

    I used to have people that I would beg to go with me to do stuff that I was anxious about, but now I do everything all alone and I get more antsy if some one is with me.

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    I get what you mean there are some people I just get a bad feeling around certian people, ive had to explain that I just don't like my boyfriends dad I just get stupidly scared around him and go quiet. And I'll know full well they're lovely friendly people I just can't stand to be around them it just makes me anxious. I had it for a while around my manager and deputy manager but after a while the deputy manager moved just as I was relaxing around him and the manager I'm okay around 90% of the time. Probably doesn't help that he winds me up saying I don't like human contact (he doesn't know so it's all a joke to him)

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    I think most of us have good friends who are "safe." There are people that I completely relaxed around, family, good friends people who I know like me. At work I can be very reserved, quiet and shy, but occasionally a good friend of mine shows up and I get loud rowdy and funny and you should see some of the bewildered looks I get from people I don't act that way around.

    I guess it would be better if I felt sure of myself and comfortable enough to act that way around anyone but I can't. It's as though there are two of me. Shy girl and Donna.

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    Weird I already posted to this.

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    I have a couple of safe people in my life. They are the ones that will listen and just let me [BEEP] if I need to. Oh and I don't think that's clinging or anything. I just think it's finding someone you truly trust.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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    I've not even heard to the term "safe person". I do my own thing. No person is safe. Well that is my opinion only.

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    My mom and my boyfriend are my two safe people. Mom saves the day almost on a daily basis and shares some great wisdom. There was a week in August when they were both going to be out of town at the same time. He went to Washington to be the best man in his brother's wedding, and mom went on her yearly California trip. He was only gone a week and it went pretty well for me. I only got a weird feeling on the day he was coming home because I just kind of thought he might regret coming back here when he'd rather be in Washington with his family. Things were better than when he left and he was actually excited to be home.

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    My sister.

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    Um...Okay?
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    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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