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  1. #16
    Skippy's Avatar Pickin' and Grinnin'!
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    Quote CloudMaker View Post
    that a very sad view of reality
    Yeah, it probably is. Life being some strange dog eat dog race among organisms to some unknown finish line...

    Yet regardless of what may or may not be, we should be living each and every day to the fullest and treat each and every life
    as something special and irreplacable. if we truly do exist for such a short time that is even a gift in itself to be here at all, and we need to enjoy life and not let things like fear or negativity stand in the way of it.

  2. #17
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    I believe in life after death. It just doesn't involve us.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  3. #18
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    Quote Cuchculan View Post
    I believe in life after death. It just doesn't involve us.
    SAD I hope ur wrong

  4. #19
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    The biggest mystery of life is death. What happens once you die? Only one way to find out the answer and nobody is in any hurry to find the answer out.
    The Lovable Irish Rogue

  5. #20
    Skippy's Avatar Pickin' and Grinnin'!
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    the worst part as i was saying and ill elaborate is people like this:
    "Ilife doesnt matter so i dont have to live it and can hurt anyone i want as badly as i want. its ok to murder anyone cuz they will just go to the afterlife" i was abused by such people so badly.... as well as for loving the person i do. least we have real love unlike most...

    ahh i dont mean to be a dick, its just i was hurt so badly by these things....

  6. #21
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    How? The way He reached out to me when I called out to Him in despair one night was NOT coincidence.

    Right after I graduated college, I was visiting bars "in an attempt to meet people/friends". Four Saturdays in June, 1999. When I saw that wasn't successful, I remember driving home (completely sober) telling God I hated my life. Not two minutes later on my way home (and this is 2:15am at the time), I see a baby rabbit in the middle of a five lane road. I tried to swerve, but still hit it (driving a subcompact car no less). I got the immediate message "this is what you could have been, but I have plans for you" I seriously did all I could to miss the rabbit, but it was to no avail.

    I was going to bars trying to meet people who didn't want to meet me. They had other things on their minds. I actually grew up with one of the bartenders at the time (hadn't seen her in six years) but she was there one night, and I distinctly heard her say "God Bless You". That still stand out in my mind all these years later. I was being reminded of who I am in Christ and hadn't been to church in ten years at the time!

    ......little did I know until later that 1975 (the year I was born) AND 1999 were both the Chinese Year of the Rabbit!

    From then, He just asked that I pay attention and be in a place where He could show me things.

  7. #22
    BrookeAshley's Avatar
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    Original poster, I like this thread because I basically feel the same exact way you do. My sister is very religious and so is a good friend of mine. They always say they are praying for me and I want comfort from it, but I don't feel it. I feel afraid and alone. I so desperately want to believe there's a God, who loves me, and is looking out for me and hears me plead for help and for my pain to be taken away. Sometimes I do pray. I don't know if I'm heard but I do. Some days I just give up and tell myself no one is out there and I'm all on my own. So I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm not sure how you become religious. I'm not sure if there is a true religion I believe in. I want to believe in a greater power. After all, I look at my daughter and the love I feel for her is so massive that surely there has to be more to this universe... Part of me wants to start going back to church and believing in good again, and having faith. The other part is scared of the hurt and fear I feel, and I feel like I need to rescue myself or i'll never be okay again.
    Your wings were ready, my heart was not.

  8. #23
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    I personally believe there has got to be a higher power. I refuse to believe that we're just randomly floating around and everything is up to chance or fate or circumstance or a roll of the dice. I just don't think the gods give a flying fuq as to what happens to most of us. I think there is a very small percentage of the world's population that seems to be blessed. Like God is really and truly watching out for them, and their prayers never go unanswered. It's a really tiny percentage though. They're blessed with money and good looks and tons of friends and success and they just can't seem to help themselves, they run blindly into good luck at every fuqing turn. They step in a huge pile of good luck and fortune when they're not even looking where they're going.

    My sister is one of those people. She's a kindergarten teacher, and she just got a huge promotion. She makes a lot of money and so does her husband. They just flew with their kids to Puerto Vallarta for summer vacation, and this year was sort of a let down cos they only stayed for one week. The worst thing to ever happen to my sister was a bad hair day. I'm dead serious. She does not know what it's like to truly struggle, and she doesn't know what real loss is.

    I'm not jealous, not at all...she has her life and I have mine and I feel blessed with what I have. I feel blessed to have my kids in my life in whatever way I can right now. I feel blessed to have a roof over my head, and family that (mostly) loves me. But I know what it's like to struggle and to truly feel what real loss is. Not everyone does. Some people are blessed in ways most of us aren't. And that's always confused me, tbh. It's the big question....why are good people made to suffer and evil people led to success, over and over again. That's a part of the gods I will never, ever understand.
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

  9. #24
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    I so want to contribute to this thread but alas I must wait till I get home and can type with both hands...

  10. #25
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    '...I think there is a very small percentage of the world's population that seems to be blessed. Like God is really and truly watching out for them, and their prayers never go unanswered. It's a really tiny percentage though. They're blessed with money and good looks and tons of friends and success and they just can't seem to help themselves, they run blindly into good luck at every fuqing turn. They step in a huge pile of good luck and fortune when they're not even looking where they're going...'

    The above words triggered me. EVERYONE has problems and EVERYONE has 'stuff'. Stuff to deal with or not deal with if they choose to go blindly into the night without any insightful thinking...(I can't find the word I'm looking for here)

    To think that GOD or a higher power or whatever you believe only helps a chosen few is really offensive to me. (I need to examine that, actually..why is it so offensive?)

    I look to the suffering, the poor, the children without shoes or cloths or food, the truly, truly down trodden and I see them smile, (and smile without teeth) and for me, those are the miracles.

    When I see people happy and finding moments of hope in seemingly hopeless situations, I see people I want to emulate. I see beauty where others see the downtrodden.

    I think that's what GOD sees too.

    We just don't understand how he let's us suffer or why he let's us suffer. But I believe, and call me naive, but I believe that the people with nothing, the people that smile and laugh but have nothing with the exception of love in their hearts, those people will be sitting at the right hand of our Heavenly Father some day.

    I tried to copy and paste the paragraph about your sister, but I'm having technical difficulties. Anyway, she may have a perfect life now, or a seemingly perfect life, but she too will have struggles and let's hope she will have an empathetic brother that will show her that it's ok to fail. Or it's ok to be less then perfect. Actually, you might teach her that what matters most is right under her nose. Not in Mexico, but right under her nose. Her heart.

    GOD loves her too. She will be tested and you want her to have the courage and the strength to learn that perfection is not the answer. I'm getting a bit 'yellow brick road' here, but it's always a matter of the heart, courage and the brains to understand the difference.

    BrookeAshley, never give up, ever. We don't understand all the magical and wonderful things in our universe, but someday we will.

    PS to BrookeAshley, I was once very, very much like you. You can do this. You can do it because I have faith in you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One step at a time.

    XO

    PPS
    Introspection. The word was introspection.

  11. #26
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    ^ I agree, somewhat. I mean, I see people who have nothing, who have been stripped of everything, I can see children in third world countries, who've had their parents taken from them, who've been abandoned, who are starving to death, and some of these children, some of these people feel blessed despite the hell their going through, and I think of those children and of those people as little miracles, too.

    It doesn't change the fact that for me, the god that I know abandons some of his children. He turns his back on some of his children. And he seems to walk with, to carry some of them, to help some of them through their own personal hell. I'm sorry if it's offensive to you Jamie, that's just the way I see it and for now I'm not gonna change the way I see it. I didn't just decide to wake up one morning and adopt this way of thinking, this attitude, it's from life experience, it's from the way I see things.

    I don't expect everyone (or most) to agree with me. And I don't expect anyone to try to convince me otherwise. It's just my two cents. It's just how I feel, and nothing more than that. It doesn't mean I don't have sympathy or empathy for my sister, or....for anyone else for that matter, and to assume I don't is really presumptuous and tbh kind of arrogant. Honestly, I really don't care if anyone agrees with me on this point or not....it's the way I feel and it's what I believe. I'm not trying to convince anyone to adopt my line of thinking. I would expect anyone else to do the same with me. I don't care if it's offensive to you or to anyone else. I don't care if you agree with me or not. It's what I believe.
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

  12. #27
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    Using my own word 'introspection', I'll reflect on my words for a moment...

    When I talked of your sister, and hoped she would have an empathetic brother when she may need one, you didn't hear my tone.

    Also, there was a bit of projection in my words, on hindsite it's obvious to me.

    You remind me a lot of my brother, which is a complement as he's one of my favorite people in this world.

    But at times he felt that I had everything and so on and so forth. But nothing was farther from the truth, but he just didn't know that. Also, I went on to lose my home and many material things that I learned didn't matter at all. Or didn't teach me happiness.

    So, projection. But also my tone was caring and not accusation which is what I think you read in my words.

    I'm not trying to get you to agree with me, but I can see how you may have thought that upon reading my words. I feel strongly that, as you say, GOD carries us at times when we feel alone, but we only see two foot prints in the sand instead of four, as the saying goes.

    Religion is deeply personal and I respect all views.

    I'm sorry you were offended.

  13. #28
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    ^ No, not offended. I just don't expect anyone to understand my POV, and I don't expect anyone to agree with me. It's not a real popular view to have. It's easy for people (not you, just saying, people in general) to point a finger and say "you've obviously lost your faith, you've lost your way, you blame god for everything, blah, blah, blah".

    We just don't understand how he let's us suffer or why he let's us suffer.
    I think everyone can agree that some people are allowed to suffer, some people seem to go through life never knowing what it's really like. Needless, meaningless suffering is what makes me believe there's a god that carries some of his children through their own hell, and abandons, turns his back on others. That's what I see irl, that's what I've seen over and over and over again ad nauseam. No one will ever convince me otherwise.

    I didn't take what you posted as an accusation. But you did say you were triggered, and you did say the ideas I talked about were very offensive to you. Sorry if I triggered you, that wasn't my intention....but it doesn't change the way I feel, at all.

    A lot of my religious views are not, not, not very popular and not received very well by my family, friends, by anyone lol. If I wanted to be some kind of religious conformist I guess I'd keep my views, my opinions to myself and pretend that god is there for everyone, that he never turns his back on any of his children, that he's always fair, that we should just never lose faith, that there is a meaning behind every form of suffering, we just don't see it right now. That's all total and complete bull**** to me. I don't believe a word of any of that. It's just what I've come to believe based on my life experience and from what I've lived through and seen over and over and over again.

    Anyway I wasn't offended and I'm sorry you were. Wasn't my intention.
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

  14. #29
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    Well, I had no right to be offended, as you were simply expressing your beliefs. I'm going to reflect on why I was offended in the first place. It has nothing to do with you.
    It's all good.
    I hope you have a lovely and peaceful day.

  15. #30
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    ^ You, too Jamie.
    You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.

    Hug the ones you love.

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