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  1. #16
    Koalafan's Avatar Socially inept Koala
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    What did one sushi say to the other?
    Wassaaaaabi!

    What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
    Dam.

    A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender replies, "for you? No charge".

    A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

    What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
    Justice fingers.

    And one of my favourites which you will need an odd sense of humour for, and advance apologies to Koalafan:
    Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
    Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala..
    Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a race to the bottom.
    Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.
    Why did the Australian fall off his bike? Because he was hit by 4 koalas.

  2. #17
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    how do you know the ocean is a friendly place?


    it's always waving at you




    How do you tell a ...male chromosome from a female chromosome?



    Pull down their genes.
    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

  3. #18
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

  4. #19
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    Bloke walks in to a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave him one.

  5. #20
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"

    The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

    A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

    Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

    A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

    The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

    In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

    Joey says, "To your house!"
    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

  6. #21
    James's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the blonde that broke her arm while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.....
    Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved. ~Iris Murdoch

    Your girlfriend's silence might be her loudest scream.

    If you still have more dreams than regrets, congratulations. You haven't gotten old yet.

    Spend every moment like it's your last. Hug her, kiss her, hold her, like it's the last time that you ever will. Because it might be.

  7. #22
    ev0ker's Avatar Moron Member
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    i heard this from someone:
    What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?


    --Denim Denim Denim

  8. #23
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with
    the worms. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

    The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was
    put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar
    of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
    After one day, these were the results:

    The first worm in alcohol - dead.


    Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.


    Third worm in sperm - dead.


    Fourth worm in soil - alive.


    So the Science teacher asked the class, "What can you learn from
    this experiment?."


    Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said "As long as you
    drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

  9. #24
    FunkyMonkey's Avatar
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    Man walks into a bar. Bartender says hey dude watch where ur going, are u okay?

  10. #25
    xxxxx
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    What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza slice?

    The Pizza slice doesn't scream when it's put inside an oven.

    Hey, this thread is about "bad jokes" so don't blame me. lol. And anyway, this joke is pretty politically correct compared to some of the jokes I've heard in the army.

  11. #26
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    You know what they call a redhead sitting between a blonde and a brunette?

    An interpreter.
    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

  12. #27
    FunkyMonkey's Avatar
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    Why did the chicken cross the road. To get to the other side >: ]

  13. #28
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

    Frostbite.


    What do ghosts eat for dinner?




    Spooketti.
    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

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