Hello all. Long time sufferer of panic disorder. I hope everyone is doing well.
Back in 2000 I had minor spells of dizziness and heart palpitations that would come in go very quickly. Over time they began to get worse and my doctor was stumped. He treated me for all sorts of things but not the actual problem. I was a young man in his 20s, what was going on?
Back in 2007 I was hit with a panic attack so severe while at a party that I was placed in the emergency room. It was the first time I got a name to these terrible feelings of losing control and being unable to breathe or even see clearly or carry on with whatever I was doing. While I was treated for that attack I had no tools for working on future ones.
I began to withdraw from the world. I had trouble in elevators, cramped spaces, going on planes, trains, standing in lines or being in crowded places. I began reading up on methods to treat my panic attacks and while there was some improvement, I needed more. Slowly I was able to get back into basic things in life but I never really felt like the old me. It was like I was held hostage by fear.
It wasn't until 2010 that I was able to get into a program at one of the nearby universities where I received CBT. It worked wonders. I completed my treatment and felt great. I began to get the old me back with each year, slowly but surely. I stopped bringing an emergency Xanax or Klonopin pill with me everywhere I went and other safety items. It was truly wonderful to say the least.
Now I'm pleased to say that I'm doing better than ever but I'm still not quite there. I do progressive muscle relaxation everyday along with diaphragmatic breathing which helpes greatly with my hyperventilation issues. But still, there are moments that I still can't do like I use to.
By trade I'm a working actor (not famous or anything, I just do all I can in small projects) and while I can get by, I'm not in the form I use to be. Years ago I was able to audition and perform without the slightest trace of nerves. I was fearless.
So I am debating weather or not I should going back to CBT. It is expensive and money is not growing on trees. I wonder if I need to go back for one last push to get me over the hump. Also I wonder if it is common or normal to check back into CBT after already successfully completing a treatment. I don't want to become dependent on going to therapy all the time. I feel the true healing comes by also you slaying the dragon on your own. But I do feel like I'm missing something. I'm almost at the finish line but can't quite find it. I'm so near yet so far.
Anyway looking forward to interacting with you all and wishing all of you the best with this battle.
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