I need help. I am an alcoholic.

[Crylie]

I almost slipped into an alcohol dependency. My family are nearly all alcoholics--especially my grandmother, and now I am seeing the pattern emerge in my mother--and addictive personalities run in my family. Two of my uncles died from drug over-doses. When I first started showing signs of severe anxiety in my early teens my mom would give me a (1) beer and it would immediately calm me down. I could sleep. I guess I have/had a low alcohol tolerance because one and a half beers was enough to make me drunk. Eventually I started to want it and then need it when I knew an anxiety attack or a spike in anxious discomfort was coming up and I knew that was unhealthy. This isn't exactly a horror story because I was able to realize this as me standing on my tip-toes at the edge of a cliff just in the nick of time, and I was able to pull away from alcohol as my number one savior from anxiety, but I do understand the panic and shame of knowing you have a problem with addiction.

I am also really young and unexperienced so I don't know a whole lot about these issues and what happens with a long-term addiction. I just wanted to share--solidarity. I hope everything goes well for you. I really, really do. I've lost a lot of people in my family to alcoholism one way or another. I am very sorry.

[Crylie]

Thank you Life! Whenever I think about drinking, which is often. I go outside and go for a nice long run, and by the time I get back home all sweaty and hot. I take a nice shower and relax. It really helps a lot. I found it important to replace the absence of alcohol with something else, something healthy. So far so good. It's not easy, it's a battle. But it's a battle I am determined to win!

Oh I am so happy for this now!!

[Sagan]

Thank you Crylie. I am a month drink free now. It's hard because I used to enjoy a drink while going on the forums. Made it easier to express feelings and share thoughts. But the next day I would wake up and think. "oh No" what did I say/post? I'm either banned or alienated friends. I would say a lot of stupid things and create problems here. But as I haven't had a drink for a while, I feel like I have more energy and while drinking would help my anxiety overall, it caused bigger problems in the long run. It is hard and it is a struggle. But I am determined and so far, my determination has payed off

[IllusionOfHappiness]

So glad to hear you're making so much progress with this! Best of luck.

[Koalafan]

Very proud of you Sagan! Glad to hear everything is going well!

[Coffee]

Thank you Crylie. I am a month drink free now. It's hard because I used to enjoy a drink while going on the forums. Made it easier to express feelings and share thoughts. But the next day I would wake up and think. "oh No" what did I say/post? I'm either banned or alienated friends. I would say a lot of stupid things and create problems here. But as I haven't had a drink for a while, I feel like I have more energy and while drinking would help my anxiety overall, it caused bigger problems in the long run. It is hard and it is a struggle. But I am determined and so far, my determination has payed off

When was your one month? Like what date? I want to remember this for future months. It always helps to have a personal cheerleader

[Sagan]

Well I am extremely disappointed with my self. I fell off the wagon. I was getting suicidal texts from my sister. Very stressful. I took that as an excuse to drink last night. I feel like I have let everyone down I acted really stupid last night as well, on the forum. Stupid Stupid Stupid. All I can do now is start over and take things one day at a time. This was a major set back. Man I feel bad.

I am sorry everyone.

[Sagan]

When was your one month? Like what date? I want to remember this for future months. It always helps to have a personal cheerleader

7/20 was one month

[Koalafan]

Don't be so hard on yourself Sagan! Addiction is INCREDIBLY hard to break and everyone relapses at some point. Quitting an addiction definitely doesn't take after 1 shot or even many shots it takes many tries but remember we are to support you!!!!!!!!

[life]

sagan dont worry about it, try again and see if u can last longer, imho every day without alcohol is a victory, try not to put so much pressure on yourself as it makes it harder for you to quit. good luck

[Chantellabella]

Well I am extremely disappointed with my self. I fell off the wagon. I was getting suicidal texts from my sister. Very stressful. I took that as an excuse to drink last night. I feel like I have let everyone down I acted really stupid last night as well, on the forum. Stupid Stupid Stupid. All I can do now is start over and take things one day at a time. This was a major set back. Man I feel bad.

I am sorry everyone.

nothing to be sorry about. 2 steps forward 1 back. thats how it works. it dont help to beat yoiurself up. so dont say sorry. before you didnt even know and now you do ok. so dont feel bad. your human ok. were all human.

[Sagan]

Thank you for the support, friends. Means a lot. Never thought it would be this hard. I can remember not long ago, just after my divorce I used to get asked by my mom when I would visit her, or my sister "you wanna beer?" I would always say no because I didn't like the taste. always drank tea or water. then all of the sudden I was accepting every time. Then drinking by my self, and so on.

[Inscrutable Banana]

If you ask anybody who has been sober for a while after recovering from a substance abuse problem I'm sure they'll tell you they had more than their fair share of relapses before they were finally able to keep at it for a really long period of time. It's to be expected and certainly isn't something to be ashamed of, so don't let it discourage you. Get right back on that wagon with renewed determination and make it a goal to beat your old record, one day at a time.

[Chantellabella]

when i see people drinking sodas i want one so bad. sometimes i give in and buy one. i take a sip and go yuck and end up throwing it away. youll get to the point where if you slip and take a sip itll be yuck too

[life]

If you ask anybody who has been sober for a while after recovering from a substance abuse problem I'm sure they'll tell you they had more than their fair share of relapses before they were finally able to keep at it for a really long period of time. It's to be expected and certainly isn't something to be ashamed of, so don't let it discourage you. Get right back on that wagon with renewed determination and make it a goal to beat your old record, one day at a time.

i agree 100%