So as some of you may know, I ended up in ER after taking an overdose of the meds I had on me at the time-Propranolol and antibiotics. It also wasn't the first time this happened, and between August and January this year, I was overdosing on a regular basis (Not suicide attempts). So naturally, I haven't had access to my medications for a few months now, and my parents have been giving them to me when I need them.
And now they want me to have control of them again.
My mood has overall somewhat improved since May, but there are still these momments when I get so down that I do contemplate suicide. Mostly throwing myself in front of a car or something since I don't have access to medications, but to be honest, they scare me. I don't want things to go back to the way they are. I've told them this. But they are seeing the fact that the doctor let me take out a Zopiclone prescription on Friday as proof that she trusts me with medication, and therefore, I should be able to handle them. The problem being that every time I have done something stupid with them...It has been on an impulse. When I knew where they were last year when this was happening, I'd take some and sneak them away from the rest, and noone knew I'd done that.
So I don't know what to do. Currently, I do not feel safe having access or "control" over my medications.
Or maybe I'm just worrying to much.