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Thread: Crazy Talk

  1. #46
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    Part 18

    Previously on the bizarre story that is yet to have a name

    Following a trail of bizarre phenomena, I, Daniel C, have discovered the long lost city of Atlantis, hereby aided by a French girl whose birth village has been ravaged by savage flying fish. The Atlantean Queen, Azalia VII, tells us about the decline of Atlantis, which was apparently caused by some species of telepathetic tea-loving extraterrestrials aiming to subjugate the planet earth by means of seven crystal orbs. There is still hope left, however, since the Atlanteans managed to save their city and hide away one of the orbs. However, facebook founder and main antagonist Mark Zuckerberg, working for the extraterrestrials, has followed our trail and landed in Atlantis as well. I have just fallen out of grace with my French companion because of a trivial issue not further to be specified, when Zuckerberg emerges in the castle garden, filling me and the French girl with utter amazement.

    ***

    The three of us are captured inside yet another orb, this one not visible but all the more sensible, consisting of a strange magnetic tension that connects us like atomic particles. Nobody dares to disturb the tension by speaking a word, and thus the mysterious forces work on, pulling our hearts in an unfamiliar direction. As if we are puppets. But as the minutes part, I feel something strange. It is a sense of detachment. As if the bond between Mark Zuckerberg and my French companion is too strong for me to partake, as if I'm being excluded. But exactly this feeling gives me the strength to open my mouth.
    "Aren't you Mark Zuckerberg? The founder of facebook? I'd like to ask you something. I've been given the request to delete the account of someone's sister-in-law. She uses it for the forces of evil rather than good. Her name - the person who requested it, not the sister in law - calls herself 'Chantellabella', lives in Texas and likes kayaking. Is that enough information?"
    Zuckerberg looks at me as if I am a yellow diving beetle. I realise that might not have been the most clever opening line. I shake my head and say: "I'm sorry, what was I thinking? I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Daniel C." I wonder if I should walk over to him to shake his hand, but for some reason I stay standing where I am, some metres behind the French girl.
    Zuckerberg nods so slowly you could hardly recognise the gesture as nodding. Then his glance shoves back to my mermaidish companion.
    "What do are you doing here?" I had imagined Zuckerberg's voice to be entirely different. In reality it is soft and discrete, like cotton.
    "I could ask you the same question."
    "Why did you leave me? You could have become the richest woman of the world... well, of France in any case."
    "Why did you lie to me?"
    I've got the feeling I'm missing something, but for some reason I feel it would be most prudent to keep my mouth shut right now.
    "How do you mean, lied to you?"
    The French girl sniffs in a way that is filled of uncompromising disdain. "I'm not stupid, Mark. We were a close community. She told me."
    "Who are you talking about?"
    "The diving girl. She told me all about you. We concluded you were not worth it. Why else would you tell me that I was the only one?"
    "Listen, I can explain."
    "No need to explain, Mark. J'ai compris tout."
    At this point I can no longer constrain myself. "Could someone please inform me what is going on?"
    "Mark here," the French girl says, without turning around, "is a player. I told you about my father's restaurant, didn't I? There were a lot of tourists - mainly Russian, but also Dutch, German... and American."
    "You don't possibly mean?"
    "I do. Mark and I first made love in the barn where the mackerel was stored. After that, he visited me every evening after work. I should have known better. When I learned he was cheating on me, I left him. I didn't show up on the night he wanted to take me on this cruise. Did you enjoy the cruise, Mark? How many young women did you score on the way?"
    Zuckerberg fiercely shakes his head. "Listen, I'm sorry. I should have been honest with you. But it's done now. We can't change it anymore. So remains the question: what are you doing here?"
    "You know, some days after you left on your cruise, our village was ravaged. By flying fish. I could do nothing but flee onto the ocean. And this chap behind me was kind enough to pick me up. How about that?"
    The blue eyes of Mark Zuckerberg are muddled by a stain of contemplation. "Flying fish, you say? You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."
    "Oh yeah, of course I am. My village destroyed by flying fish, the inhabitants slaughtered, what a joke, hahaha." That last word sounds a bit strange due to her incapacity to pronounce the letter 'h'.
    "But that can't... I mean... I thought I could only command humans."
    Another silence occurs, in which everyone expects everyone else to say something. I decide to break the deadlock. "What do you mean, mister Zuckerberg? Only command humans?"
    "Uhm... Nothing, really. Just uhm... thinking by myself. So, Daniel. I have been looking for you. But first, tell me how you have managed to find this place."
    "It's a long story, sir. I could explain, but it would take eons of time. You know, it has cost me 17 seperate parts to describe it to this point, so that should give you an impression of how long it would take."
    "What the hell are you talking about?"
    Mark Zuckerberg ex-girlfriend, also functioning as my companion, says sneeringly: "Yeah, that's a hobby of him. Letting innocent people figure in some weird internet blog or something. Don't pay attention to that, he's just a weirdo."
    "Uhm... right." Zuckerberg looks confused. "I'm not sure what all of this is about, but it doesn't really matter. Let's just precede to the action part." And out of his back pocket, he pulls out a gun. "Water proof. 2 mm bullet. I'm sorry, Daniel, but you just were present at the wrong time, at the wrong place. Consider yourself to be a sacrifice for the greater good. Do you have any last words?"
    In the movies this part always looks more spectacular. Maybe that is because when watching movies I am not overtaken by a wave of panic, that puts all panic I've ever felt before in the shade. My mind rattles like a machine. Finally, what will presumably be my last words run out onto my tongue.

  2. #47
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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    Part 18

    Previously on the bizarre story that is yet to have a name

    Following a trail of bizarre phenomena, I, Daniel C, have discovered the long lost city of Atlantis, hereby aided by a French girl whose birth village has been ravaged by savage flying fish. The Atlantean Queen, Azalia VII, tells us about the decline of Atlantis, which was apparently caused by some species of telepathetic tea-loving extraterrestrials aiming to subjugate the planet earth by means of seven crystal orbs. There is still hope left, however, since the Atlanteans managed to save their city and hide away one of the orbs. However, facebook founder and main antagonist Mark Zuckerberg, working for the extraterrestrials, has followed our trail and landed in Atlantis as well. I have just fallen out of grace with my French companion because of a trivial issue not further to be specified, when Zuckerberg emerges in the castle garden, filling me and the French girl with utter amazement.

    ***

    The three of us are captured inside yet another orb, this one not visible but all the more sensible, consisting of a strange magnetic tension that connects us like atomic particles. Nobody dares to disturb the tension by speaking a word, and thus the mysterious forces work on, pulling our hearts in an unfamiliar direction. As if we are puppets. But as the minutes part, I feel something strange. It is a sense of detachment. As if the bond between Mark Zuckerberg and my French companion is too strong for me to partake, as if I'm being excluded. But exactly this feeling gives me the strength to open my mouth.
    "Aren't you Mark Zuckerberg? The founder of facebook? I'd like to ask you something. I've been given the request to delete the account of someone's sister-in-law. She uses it for the forces of evil rather than good. Her name - the person who requested it, not the sister in law - calls herself 'Chantellabella', lives in Texas and likes kayaking. Is that enough information?"
    Zuckerberg looks at me as if I am a yellow diving beetle. I realise that might not have been the most clever opening line. I shake my head and say: "I'm sorry, what was I thinking? I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Daniel C." I wonder if I should walk over to him to shake his hand, but for some reason I stay standing where I am, some metres behind the French girl.
    Zuckerberg nods so slowly you could hardly recognise the gesture as nodding. Then his glance shoves back to my mermaidish companion.
    "What do are you doing here?" I had imagined Zuckerberg's voice to be entirely different. In reality it is soft and discrete, like cotton.
    "I could ask you the same question."
    "Why did you leave me? You could have become the richest woman of the world... well, of France in any case."
    "Why did you lie to me?"
    I've got the feeling I'm missing something, but for some reason I feel it would be most prudent to keep my mouth shut right now.
    "How do you mean, lied to you?"
    The French girl sniffs in a way that is filled of uncompromising disdain. "I'm not stupid, Mark. We were a close community. She told me."
    "Who are you talking about?"
    "The diving girl. She told me all about you. We concluded you were not worth it. Why else would you tell me that I was the only one?"
    "Listen, I can explain."
    "No need to explain, Mark. J'ai compris tout."
    At this point I can no longer constrain myself. "Could someone please inform me what is going on?"
    "Mark here," the French girl says, without turning around, "is a player. I told you about my father's restaurant, didn't I? There were a lot of tourists - mainly Russian, but also Dutch, German... and American."
    "You don't possibly mean?"
    "I do. Mark and I first made love in the barn where the mackerel was stored. After that, he visited me every evening after work. I should have known better. When I learned he was cheating on me, I left him. I didn't show up on the night he wanted to take me on this cruise. Did you enjoy the cruise, Mark? How many young women did you score on the way?"
    Zuckerberg fiercely shakes his head. "Listen, I'm sorry. I should have been honest with you. But it's done now. We can't change it anymore. So remains the question: what are you doing here?"
    "You know, some days after you left on your cruise, our village was ravaged. By flying fish. I could do nothing but flee onto the ocean. And this chap behind me was kind enough to pick me up. How about that?"
    The blue eyes of Mark Zuckerberg are muddled by a stain of contemplation. "Flying fish, you say? You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."
    "Oh yeah, of course I am. My village destroyed by flying fish, the inhabitants slaughtered, what a joke, hahaha." That last word sounds a bit strange due to her incapacity to pronounce the letter 'h'.
    "But that can't... I mean... I thought I could only command humans."
    Another silence occurs, in which everyone expects everyone else to say something. I decide to break the deadlock. "What do you mean, mister Zuckerberg? Only command humans?"
    "Uhm... Nothing, really. Just uhm... thinking by myself. So, Daniel. I have been looking for you. But first, tell me how you have managed to find this place."
    "It's a long story, sir. I could explain, but it would take eons of time. You know, it has cost me 17 seperate parts to describe it to this point, so that should give you an impression of how long it would take."
    "What the hell are you talking about?"
    Mark Zuckerberg ex-girlfriend, also functioning as my companion, says sneeringly: "Yeah, that's a hobby of him. Letting innocent people figure in some weird internet blog or something. Don't pay attention to that, he's just a weirdo."
    "Uhm... right." Zuckerberg looks confused. "I'm not sure what all of this is about, but it doesn't really matter. Let's just precede to the action part." And out of his back pocket, he pulls out a gun. "Water proof. 2 mm bullet. I'm sorry, Daniel, but you just were present at the wrong time, at the wrong place. Consider yourself to be a sacrifice for the greater good. Do you have any last words?"
    In the movies this part always looks more spectacular. Maybe that is because when watching movies I am not overtaken by a wave of panic, that puts all panic I've ever felt before in the shade. My mind rattles like a machine. Finally, what will presumably be my last words run out onto my tongue.
    Oh no!!! Duck Daniel!! Don't let Facebook guy kill you!!! Let the French Girl take the bullet! They're the ones quarreling anyway.

    And thanks for trying about the whole sister-in-law Facebook thing. Hey!! Maybe we can get Mark to shoot her!! Or at least her hands so she can't type anymore.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  3. #48
    Secretly Pretentious's Avatar
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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Where is Strwbrry btw? We can't have a Dutch Conservation Project without Strwbrry. How could we possibly lose the whole clan? Our feng is so off shuing that the forum will start leaning.

    I agree. The Honey Badger centerpiece will look spiffy. Can we get a few stuffed mermaids? You know. In honor the whole Atlantean expo.
    Didn't her head get sucked up by a giant spider? I thought that's how the DCP got started up. I think she was revived shortly afterwards but I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. Regardless, she still never continued her story. Pissed me off. I was really getting into it.

    Considering that the Earth is 70% water or something like that, it only makes sense to honor our marine brothers and sisters. After Daniel C is finished saving Atlantis and the rest of the world from the aliens plus Mark Zuckerberg, I'm sure he'll bring back a mermaid body for me to memorialize. I predict a pretty epic battle. I can't imagine how there wouldn't be any mermaid casualties.

    Quote Daniel C View Post
    Okay then guys. I'm here, persuaded by severe pressure inflicted by Chantellabella's numerous agents. Next installments in the Antlantean extraterrestrial installment will follow shortly.
    He caved! He caved! We are victorious! The story continues.

    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Oh no!!! Duck Daniel!! Don't let Facebook guy kill you!!! Let the French Girl take the bullet! They're the ones quarreling anyway.
    Yeah, I agree. She's been pretty mean to him, even before she found out she was just a fictional character in his story.

  4. #49
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Oh no!!! Duck Daniel!! Don't let Facebook guy kill you!!! Let the French Girl take the bullet! They're the ones quarreling anyway.
    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    Yeah, I agree. She's been pretty mean to him, even before she found out she was just a fictional character in his story.
    I think you are judging her too hard. She has had it very hard. What would you do when your home village would be ravaged by blood thirsty flying fish, and you would consequently be drawn into a crazy and dangerous adventure, and if that weren't enough someone tells you you're only a character in a fictional story. I can definitely understand her motives, she's just suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome. I need to make sure she makes it true this story safe, it's the least I can do for her. But we'll see.

    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    Didn't her head get sucked up by a giant spider? I thought that's how the DCP got started up. I think she was revived shortly afterwards but I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. Regardless, she still never continued her story. Pissed me off. I was really getting into it.
    Yeah, I was also rather disappointed. It was a very promising story, and at least it wasn't as far-fetched as mine. I think she was revived by some magic powder by the way, but I don't remember exactly where she got it. But maybe that scared her so much she blew off the rest of the story for once.

    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    Considering that the Earth is 70% water or something like that, it only makes sense to honor our marine brothers and sisters. After Daniel C is finished saving Atlantis and the rest of the world from the aliens plus Mark Zuckerberg, I'm sure he'll bring back a mermaid body for me to memorialize. I predict a pretty epic battle. I can't imagine how there wouldn't be any mermaid casualties.
    I'll do my best, but I haven't encountered any mermaids so far so I don't know if I'll manage to get one's body. We must also remember the UN officially denies the existance of mermaids. Yeah, I know, but maybe it's best not to provoke them and just play along their strange fantasies. I'm sure they have their motives. It's probably some kind of conspiracy which I'm not yet totally aware of.

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    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    Didn't her head get sucked up by a giant spider? I thought that's how the DCP got started up. I think she was revived shortly afterwards but I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. Regardless, she still never continued her story. Pissed me off. I was really getting into it.
    True. Maybe we should lure her here with some vowels. Even though she feels they're over rated, she may eventually come around to the dark side of grammar.

    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    Considering that the Earth is 70% water or something like that, it only makes sense to honor our marine brothers and sisters. After Daniel C is finished saving Atlantis and the rest of the world from the aliens plus Mark Zuckerberg, I'm sure he'll bring back a mermaid body for me to memorialize. I predict a pretty epic battle. I can't imagine how there wouldn't be any mermaid casualties.
    You know, I was thinking the same thing. And not only do stuffed mermaids make great statues in parks, but they probably can double as nifty clothes hangers.

    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    He caved! He caved! We are victorious! The story continues.
    Great work agent Secretly Pretentious! Not only do you create the best taxidermy artwork, but you probably have a future as a public speaker. Perhaps, even a politician.

    Quote Secretly Pretentious View Post
    Yeah, I agree. She's been pretty mean to him, even before she found out she was just a fictional character in his story.
    Yes, but I have to feel for her. She was defriended by the maker of Facebook. That just had to hurt.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    I think you are judging her too hard. She has had it very hard. What would you do when your home village would be ravaged by blood thirsty flying fish, and you would consequently be drawn into a crazy and dangerous adventure, and if that weren't enough someone tells you you're only a character in a fictional story. I can definitely understand her motives, she's just suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome. I need to make sure she makes it true this story safe, it's the least I can do for her. But we'll see.
    But she didn't even give you a chance to explain! I know. I guess we should be nicer. *looks down in shame* It just seems that mermaids would be used to flying fish slamming into their houses. Sort of like birds hitting building windows. It's inevitable.

    Quote Daniel C View Post

    Yeah, I was also rather disappointed. It was a very promising story, and at least it wasn't as far-fetched as mine. I think she was revived by some magic powder by the way, but I don't remember exactly where she got it. But maybe that scared her so much she blew off the rest of the story for once.
    Perhaps we should get Secretly Pretentious to sneak back in, kidnap her and drag her here. It worked for you!


    Quote Daniel C View Post
    I'll do my best, but I haven't encountered any mermaids so far so I don't know if I'll manage to get one's body. We must also remember the UN officially denies the existence of mermaids. Yeah, I know, but maybe it's best not to provoke them and just play along their strange fantasies. I'm sure they have their motives. It's probably some kind of conspiracy which I'm not yet totally aware of.
    I would be worried that the space aliens might see us as provoking a war. I'd sure hate to wake up one morning and find out I'd been vaporized.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  7. #52
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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    I think you are judging her too hard. She has had it very hard. What would you do when your home village would be ravaged by blood thirsty flying fish, and you would consequently be drawn into a crazy and dangerous adventure, and if that weren't enough someone tells you you're only a character in a fictional story. I can definitely understand her motives, she's just suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome. I need to make sure she makes it true this story safe, it's the least I can do for her. But we'll see.
    Yeah that's true. But I remember you warning her that she would have an epic adventure if she went with you. If she wasn't up for any epic adventures, she should have declined your offer instead of acting pissy every step of the way.



    Quote Daniel C View Post
    Yeah, I was also rather disappointed. It was a very promising story, and at least it wasn't as far-fetched as mine. I think she was revived by some magic powder by the way, but I don't remember exactly where she got it. But maybe that scared her so much she blew off the rest of the story for once.
    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Perhaps we should get Secretly Pretentious to sneak back in, kidnap her and drag her here. It worked for you!
    I should, although I don't think she'd be willing to continue her story. She hadn't visited the Crazy Talk thread in a very long time. I'd be surprised if she wasn't already here under a different username. She's very well liked so I can't imagine why others wouldn't have tried recruiting her already.



    Quote Daniel C View Post
    I'll do my best, but I haven't encountered any mermaids so far so I don't know if I'll manage to get one's body. We must also remember the UN officially denies the existance of mermaids. Yeah, I know, but maybe it's best not to provoke them and just play along their strange fantasies. I'm sure they have their motives. It's probably some kind of conspiracy which I'm not yet totally aware of.


    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Great work agent Secretly Pretentious! Not only do you create the best taxidermy artwork, but you probably have a future as a public speaker. Perhaps, even a politician.

  8. #53
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    How many Christmas trees does it take to change a light bulb.


    Oh wait.


    I think I did that backwards.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  9. #54
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    Just saw your status!! LOL!!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  10. #55
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    I open my mouth in order to speak what are hopefully not my last words. "You know, Mr. Zuckerberg, that I am Dutch?"
    "No, I didn't. But I don't see what that's got to do with anything."
    "Well, without the Dutch, facebook would never have existed."
    "What kind of nonsense is that. I would have been perfectly able to found facebook without your puny country. Where are you anyway? Somewhere between France and Germany, right?"
    "It is true, though. Just watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7ZizDguxJA It explains everything. So you should be very grateful towards the Dutch. Not killing me is the least you could do."
    The wrinkles in Zuckerberg's forehead indicate he is about to lose his temper. "Jesus, I may be hyperintelligent but I don't have a photographic memory. You really expect me to remember that entire URL link?"
    "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I can write it out if you like."
    "Save yourself the effort. This crazy talk has lasted more than long enough. If you don't have anything more interesting to say, it is time you meet your maker."
    I start to see my escape effort is probably not working. I see the metal gun, around which Zuckerberg's slightly trembling hand is pinched like a constrictor. I see the surreal, cyan light spiral down all around me. I see the dismay that shines out of both eyes of the French girl. After a while, I can see nothing but that dismay.
    "Wait!" I squeak. "I want to know one thing. Are you going to kill her too?"
    Zuckerberg is silent for a moment. Then a sardonic smile traverses his face.
    "Ah, love; a dreadful bond, and yet, so easily severed. Tell me..."
    "Davy Jones."
    "What?"
    "You're quoting Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Please keep the dialogues in this story original, or we'll all get sued for copyright infringement."
    For the first time, Zuckerberg's face seems to show some disarray. "Uhm, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I meant..."
    "And I'm not in love. She's just a character while I'm the writer, it would never work up between us. I only feel... responsible."
    "Right! Well, then it will please you that I am not going to shoot her. But of course, she can't wonder freely over the planet any longer, she knows too much. But I think I might have a nice occupation for her at my private estate back in Palo Alto. Don't worry about her, lad. So, enough idle gossip. I think we have reached the climax of this episode. Close your eyes, if you like. I'll count to three."
    I look at my companion; her dismay has been replaced by fear. For some strange reason, my own mind seems to ease down, as if my anguish as sipped into her body.
    "One."
    I close my eyes because the last thing I want to see before I die are the cloudy lowlands of the Netherlands, that, at this strange moment, I miss more than I'd ever thought possible.
    "Two."
    It rains in the Netherlands, with a certitude I have never felt before I know that it rains in the Netherlands at this very moment. And the only thing I'd want is to feel the rain on my face one more time, but all I can do is wait for the three to pierce my heart, or my head. And then, I realise something, something important, something crucial. But I have no time to finish my thought, because I hear the sound of a soft 'Pang'. For one moment I think I am dead. Then I open my eyes and see I am not. Mar Zuckerberg is lying in the sand with his arms clasped at the backside of his head, behind stands the fossilised hotelier with a broken bottleneck in his hand.
    "The Queen, May She Live Eternally, contacted me to say you were in danger. She shouldn't have waited one more moment, I see."
    He picks up the gun and looks at it with fascination. "What is this?" he asks.
    "No time to explain. You've saved my life, sir - well, my fictional life, but still - and I owe you eternal gratitude. But I need to go now. I have a mission to fulfill. Please take care of this scoundrel. Will you come with me?"
    The French girl nods, she still looks terrified, like she can't believe what just happened. "You're still alive," she whispers. "I had my eyes closed, and when the bottle came down I thought..."
    "Of course not," I taunt, "I am the writer and protagonist of this story. We still have some episodes to go. How could they ever been fulfilled without me? It's time to go."
    "Go again? To where this time?"
    "To Barcelona, lady. The city of angels."

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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    I open my mouth in order to speak what are hopefully not my last words. "You know, Mr. Zuckerberg, that I am Dutch?"
    "No, I didn't. But I don't see what that's got to do with anything."
    "Well, without the Dutch, facebook would never have existed."
    "What kind of nonsense is that. I would have been perfectly able to found facebook without your puny country. Where are you anyway? Somewhere between France and Germany, right?"
    "It is true, though. Just watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7ZizDguxJA It explains everything. So you should be very grateful towards the Dutch. Not killing me is the least you could do."
    The wrinkles in Zuckerberg's forehead indicate he is about to lose his temper. "Jesus, I may be hyperintelligent but I don't have a photographic memory. You really expect me to remember that entire URL link?"
    "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I can write it out if you like."
    "Save yourself the effort. This crazy talk has lasted more than long enough. If you don't have anything more interesting to say, it is time you meet your maker."
    I start to see my escape effort is probably not working. I see the metal gun, around which Zuckerberg's slightly trembling hand is pinched like a constrictor. I see the surreal, cyan light spiral down all around me. I see the dismay that shines out of both eyes of the French girl. After a while, I can see nothing but that dismay.
    "Wait!" I squeak. "I want to know one thing. Are you going to kill her too?"
    Zuckerberg is silent for a moment. Then a sardonic smile traverses his face.
    "Ah, love; a dreadful bond, and yet, so easily severed. Tell me..."
    "Davy Jones."
    "What?"
    "You're quoting Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Please keep the dialogues in this story original, or we'll all get sued for copyright infringement."
    For the first time, Zuckerberg's face seems to show some disarray. "Uhm, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I meant..."
    "And I'm not in love. She's just a character while I'm the writer, it would never work up between us. I only feel... responsible."
    "Right! Well, then it will please you that I am not going to shoot her. But of course, she can't wonder freely over the planet any longer, she knows too much. But I think I might have a nice occupation for her at my private estate back in Palo Alto. Don't worry about her, lad. So, enough idle gossip. I think we have reached the climax of this episode. Close your eyes, if you like. I'll count to three."
    I look at my companion; her dismay has been replaced by fear. For some strange reason, my own mind seems to ease down, as if my anguish as sipped into her body.
    "One."
    I close my eyes because the last thing I want to see before I die are the cloudy lowlands of the Netherlands, that, at this strange moment, I miss more than I'd ever thought possible.
    "Two."
    It rains in the Netherlands, with a certitude I have never felt before I know that it rains in the Netherlands at this very moment. And the only thing I'd want is to feel the rain on my face one more time, but all I can do is wait for the three to pierce my heart, or my head. And then, I realise something, something important, something crucial. But I have no time to finish my thought, because I hear the sound of a soft 'Pang'. For one moment I think I am dead. Then I open my eyes and see I am not. Mar Zuckerberg is lying in the sand with his arms clasped at the backside of his head, behind stands the fossilised hotelier with a broken bottleneck in his hand.
    "The Queen, May She Live Eternally, contacted me to say you were in danger. She shouldn't have waited one more moment, I see."
    He picks up the gun and looks at it with fascination. "What is this?" he asks.
    "No time to explain. You've saved my life, sir - well, my fictional life, but still - and I owe you eternal gratitude. But I need to go now. I have a mission to fulfill. Please take care of this scoundrel. Will you come with me?"
    The French girl nods, she still looks terrified, like she can't believe what just happened. "You're still alive," she whispers. "I had my eyes closed, and when the bottle came down I thought..."
    "Of course not," I taunt, "I am the writer and protagonist of this story. We still have some episodes to go. How could they ever been fulfilled without me? It's time to go."
    "Go again? To where this time?"
    "To Barcelona, lady. The city of angels."

    You got the bad guy and even defended a copyright law!!!! My hero!!!!!

    But next time, when somebody hits Facebook guy, could you make it for good? If nobody's driving the Facebook train, my sister-in-law would have to take up knitting or something and that would be spiffy!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  12. #57
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    Oh and somehow I knew the Dutch were behind Facebook. I'm kinda feeling we should withdraw the DCP now.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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    In the interest of mankind, Spongebob Squarepants will be the only program on every channel 24/7.

    News at 11:00
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    In the interest of mankind, Spongebob Squarepants will be the only program on every channel 24/7.

    News at 11:00
    Nooo! Not Spongebob Squarepants! Anything but Spongebob Squarepants. I can take Oprah Winfrey. I can take Dr. Who. I can even take the Simpsons. But I cannot take Spongebob Squarepants. My whole life I've been resisting the overwhelming prevalence of Spongebob Squarepants. I beg you... I wouldn't survive. And then I wouldn't be able to finish my story. Have mercy. I'm desperate.



    (^ Picture of a desperate person)

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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    Nooo! Not Spongebob Squarepants! Anything but Spongebob Squarepants. I can take Oprah Winfrey. I can take Dr. Who. I can even take the Simpsons. But I cannot take Spongebob Squarepants. My whole life I've been resisting the overwhelming prevalence of Spongebob Squarepants. I beg you... I wouldn't survive. And then I wouldn't be able to finish my story. Have mercy. I'm desperate.


    (^ Picture of a desperate person)

    Did you ask for a Spongebob Squarepants Road Trip song??? I thought you did. Here you go!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am9C80ItWMQ
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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