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Thread: Crazy Talk

  1. #61
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    hock:



    (^ Picture of fainted person)

  2. #62
    Skippy's Avatar Pickin' and Grinnin'!
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    I've been crazy for so long, it's normal. D:

  3. #63
    Trendsetter's Avatar
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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    Nooo! Not Spongebob Squarepants! Anything but Spongebob Squarepants. I can take Oprah Winfrey. I can take Dr. Who. I can even take the Simpsons. But I cannot take Spongebob Squarepants. My whole life I've been resisting the overwhelming prevalence of Spongebob Squarepants. I beg you... I wouldn't survive. And then I wouldn't be able to finish my story. Have mercy. I'm desperate.



    (^ Picture of a desperate person)
    I agree, that's probably the worst show of all time lol

  4. #64
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    Oh that was just crazy talk.


    The reeeeallllll 24/7 show is Power Rangers.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  5. #65
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    Thank you for that. I don't know Power Rangers but they cannot possibly be as bad as SS (it can't be coincidence that the abbreviation of Spongebob Squarepants is the same as that of the Schutzstaffel). Long live Power Rangers!

    N.B. I'm sorry for bringing a Godwin to the crazy talk thread. But then, it was inevitable.

  6. #66
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    As long as it wasn't Oprah, then we're saved.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  7. #67
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    "Where are we heading to?" she gasps, her endurance noticably put to the test by my spectacular fictional condition.
    "I told you! Barcelona!"
    "How do you ever want to get there?"
    We hurry through the crumbling streets that look exactly the same as six days ago, and at the same moment, totally different. The direction we're heading in is totally random, but as long as we keep moving we must reach the edge of the orb sooner or later.
    "How? With dolphins of course! I'll send out my thoughts to the queen. She managed to sendus those dolphins when we were in the middle of the Mediterranean, so this should be no problem for her."
    We turn around a corner but what awaits is just another cluster of half perished alleys. Still, we just keep running.
    "Daniel..."
    "Yeah?"
    "Uhm... when he was about to shot you I realised... uhm... I realised that I shouldn't have called you a weirdo. You're an eccentric, but not a weirdo. I'm uhm..."
    "Sorry?"
    "Well, not all the way to sorry. I just thought, uhm... I should let you know my formulation could have been slightly more appropriate."
    "Thank you. But maybe it's not the right moment for exchanging apologies."
    "I didn't say I was making you an apology."
    "Whatever."
    I can now clearly see one of the sides of the orb coming closer. We descend a long stairway, wriggle our way through some more alleys, and then, suddenly, feel our feet sink away in a deep layer of soft sand that stretches all the way to the edge of the shield. "Atlantis Beach," a musseled sign says, "please do not swim when the red flag is hoisted." To my relief, there is no red flag to be seen. In fact, the entire beach makes a slightly unattended impression. The only parasol that is still standing does so because it is encapsulated by a cocoon of extinct shellfish.
    "I see no dolphins, Daniel."
    "Let's give her some time. Maybe the dolphins are currently collecting a passenger on the other side of the Mediterranean."
    We sit down in the sand, since the beach chairs look like sitting in them would be equal to signing your death penalty. A tense silence follows, in which I am remembered that, despite everything, I still have social anxiety. After some time I gather the courage to defy the cyan repose that surrounds us.
    "You know, you're not the only one to apo... uhm, I mean, apply corrections in their previous behaviour. You know, I should have been honest with you eons ago. I mean... this entire story and all..."
    The silence is stronger than my words. I break off.
    "You know, Daniel. When they shot you - I mean, when I thought they shot you, I had my eyes closed. And then, when I opened them again and I saw Mark lying in the dirt with that old man behind him... just to say... that sight was totally worth it. Worth everything we've gone through so far."
    "You know, it's almost over. When we're in Barcelona you can just take the train to... uhm... well..."
    The cyan air takes on a painful semblance.
    "I have nowhere to go, Daniel. So I'll stick with you. Out of necessity. Daniel, when Mark was talking about me, and the fish, what do you think..."
    "I've been thinking about that as well. While we were running, I mean. Obviously Mark works for the aliens. The extraterrestrials, I mean. He got the mission to shoot me so that no one would learn about the extraterrestrials' scheme. Which means... You know, maybe he took over the role of the Atlanteans. The orbs... they grant Infinite Powers to all that possess them. Maybe he... I don't says he did it on purpose, but maybe his anger for you found its way to the fish that were... you know..."
    "So it wasn't your fault after all. But then, what are we to do? The extraterrestrials will sure find another way."
    I look right in front of me and in my eyes flickers a light of absolute determination. With a deep, echoing voice, I say: "We must stop them. We shall stop them."
    "But in what way?"
    "Well... at the moment that I was all but shot I remembered something. I was in Barcelona before, six days ago. I actually just came from Barcelona when I met you. Anyway, when I was there, I accidently ended up in a building somewhere along the Ramblas. And in that building I saw things... terrible things... the leaders of the world, reduced to puppets by the power of an infernal object."
    "An orb? You think one of the orbs is in Barcelona?"
    "I don't remember exactly. But I don't... it must have been an orb, yes. And I thought, if we can get our hands on it, then we might, I don't know..."
    "That's your plan? Let the dolphins take us to Barcelona, take the Orb of Doom, and hope some metaphysical wonder appears? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be... it just seems there isn't a lot of hope for us."
    "Hope? There never was much hope. Only a fool's hope." I am not concerned with copyright anymore. I survived an assassination attempt, I will be able to survive a charge for author's rights' infringement.
    At that moment, however, my thoughts are stopped at the sight of some streamlined creatures looming from the distance. "The dolphins," I say, and I rise up from the sand. But as I walk towards the edge, I suddenly stop. The creatures that are coming closer are no dolphins.

  8. #68
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    Great installment Daniel C! I love the hint of romance. Darn that SA!! Have courage to tell her you're falling for her. I know she feels the same way.

    Ok. Now I'm waiting for what's coming ashore!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  9. #69
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Great installment Daniel C! I love the hint of romance. Darn that SA!! Have courage to tell her you're falling for her. I know she feels the same way.

    Ok. Now I'm waiting for what's coming ashore!
    Uhm... I'm afraid it would be a bit pathetic to declare my love to a fictional character. Or maybe I could only declare my fictional love. But I don't know if that would really help the story forward. Hmm... I'll see.

  10. #70
    Ironman's Avatar
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    The bear to the north drinks alone.

  11. #71
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    Unless it's a Tuesday. I think it's only the bears to the south on that day.

    I might have to check Wiki on that one.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  12. #72
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    For those who have not experienced the whole crazy talk syndrome................ bringing back the oldies

    I wish Daniel C would go get his entire story and post it here. And we need Secretly Prententious's entire taxidermy business story here also. Then our Crazy Talk will be fully understood. Blossom had some amazing crazy talk also. We need to form some Crazy Talk alliance here. Vow to never make sense.......ever!!! and RawrJessiRawr and so many other great crazy talkers.

    In the interest of humanity, humanity will be suspended until further notice.

    Kumquats are the pox of humanity


    I spy a bugger in my eye

    I eat spongecake, therefore I am

    Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
    humpty dumpty had a great fall
    all the king's horses and all the king's men
    couldn't put humpty together again.

    Ok first of all. Did they honestly think a horse had the thumbs to use a glue stick?

    picture a kumquat
    small
    insecure
    hoping to find love in the jello bowl


    what do you get if you cross a water buffalo and a tiny yellow bubble??






    seriously

    i dont know


    i was hoping you would



    picture a man
    licking and envelope

    youve entered



    the TWILIGHT ZONE!!!


    the opposite of busy is


    ysub


    im sorry
    im ysub


    oh

    thats ok

    im ysub too

    is that painful???

    yes

    im going to have it removed



    nananathriller!!!! ninuna!!!nnakkannninnannnnanna nnaanathriller!!!!

    my body lies over the ocean
    my body lies over the sea
    my body lies over the ocean
    so bring back my body to me


    huh?


    peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
    a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked

    i just said that!!!

    geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????

    my body lies over the ocean
    my body lies over the sea
    my body lies over the ocean
    so bring back my body to me


    huh?


    peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
    a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked

    i just said that!!!

    geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????

    beam me up scotboy! my toupee has fleas and it needs a bath!!


    dust bunnies talked to me

    they told me stories about vacuum cleaners

    scary stories


    one time a vacuum cleaner ate a whole family of dust bunnies at one time!!!!

    it was mass murder


    when you yawn do you breath in or out?

    i cant remember

    i had a bunny

    her name was dust bunny


    for real




    open shut them
    open shut them
    give a little clap clap clap

    open shut them
    open shut them
    put them in your lap

    creep them
    creep them
    creep them
    creep them
    right up to your chin

    open up your little mouth
    but do not let them in

    no wonder kids are terrifed of storytime

    people think lemons are bad
    i beg to differ


    its the cantaloupes that are ruining the world




    pickles in the morning
    olives for the night
    lavender smells pretty
    on truckers who merge right



    this just in


    the color red has been changed due to the economy shortages

    it will now be considered blue


    news at 11

    so what IS tofu?

    is it something we find between our toes?



    i started to realize something but i got caught up in all the realization and realized it was useless to realize the realization. REALLY!


    I'm randomly random in a random sort of way


    nanananana

    nanannan

    nanananana


    nananananana

    OLE!!

    i love you
    you love me
    were a happy family
    with a great big hug
    and a kiss from me to you
    wont you say
    you love me too

    oh wait!! gotta barf! hold that thought

    i got asparagus tips!!!! and liver!!!


    1 + 1 = 485920202393575757 in an alternate universe


    flaming flamingo tips batman!!!



    do you ever listen closely to wash boards? they gossip about the ironing board.

    primal scream therapy IS fun!!


    i thought i was until i realized i was only thinking i was in a strange and unreliable moment of my wasness


    does anybody need a bus schedule to munchkinland?



    captain!!!!!!!!

    i spot a klingon war bird headed in our direction!!!!!!


    quick sulu!!!!!!

    get the big patio window out and ready

    spock!!!!
    did you get those ears checked for airspace clearance yet???




    uhura!!
    get that stick out your ear already!!

    its just downright nasty looking!

    somebody!

    get uhura a baby wipe to clean that thing off!!

    chekov!!!!

    quick!!

    loan me your toupee!

    mine doesnt have an accent!



    expendable ensign number 2 in red shirt!!!

    the commercials coming!!

    die quickly!!

    sir!!!!!

    its babylon 5!!!!!

    torpedos ready!!!!




    holy moley!!!!!!
    i dropped the toe smell atomizer cream!!!!



    captain!!! there are munchkins armed with jello molds off the starboard bow!! orders captain???!!!!

    load the full ton torpedoes!

    should we fire captain??


    wait for it
    wait for it

    fire!!!!

    pffwwererrwatfffssssssmmmmmna..................


    sir the torpedoes didnt fire


    oh wait!! on screen!

    bill cosby appears

    he says

    i asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook

    ok ok!!!


    i give up

    the jello mold wins!!!!

    ball point pens sneeze blue snot


    why oh why cant we all lick an envelope???



    hotdogs have no life

    its so sad




    much is the conundrum of discontent

    but i digress

    auntie em!! auntie em!!!!

    where is uncle oh? where is uncle oh?




    oh what i would give for a slice of cheese whiz


    cant SOMEBODY get that text message????!!!!

    this just in

    a satellite reported that a man picking his nose can be seen from outer space



    lets juggle machetes and see what happens!!



    Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
    Merry, merry king of the bush is he
    Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra!
    Gay your life must be

    Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
    Eating all the gum drops he can see
    Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
    Leave some there for me

    Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
    Counting all the monkeys he can see
    Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
    That's not a monkey that's me

    Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
    Gets a boo-boo in his tail
    Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
    Oh how life can be



    is it just me or does this rodent seem to have issues????


    im melting
    im melting

    quick!!

    get the flying monkeys to get a straw and a napkin!!!

    i must go pick the lint from between my toes


    its a dirty job but somebody has to do it


    i mean


    since the toe lint elves went on strike



    i miss the elves


    wait!!!

    do you hear it???

    the nasal rattle of tens of thousands of people with colds

    wormhole suckage commence!!!

    i seem to have lost my presence of mind


    let me go get my metal detector



    if you hold a cats tail does its head wag?


    i totally did not know there was 500 lbs of powder in my back seat officer!!!



    what is blue
    has racing stripes
    and sings show tunes?



    believe me

    you dont wanna know

    once again i am offended by my own offensiveness


    let me go offend myself for my offense



    ranch dressing tastes like horses

    cool ranch dressing tastes like horses with raybans


    kumquats hate lucy ricardo
    its true!!!!

    i read it in the enquirer


    a bucket of snot…..

    what goes with red wine?

    correct!!!! for 600 points



    ive dined with klingons

    ive tried to slow the rotation of the earth before

    i failed


    your reading skills scored a C-

    better luck next time

    i went to the grocery

    they were all out of money

    damn!!!

    red hot chili peppers

    what is a colon cleanse?

    correct! for 300 points!


    you know those olives that have been watching me???

    one of them snuck outta the jar last night and climbed onto my pillow.

    i opened my eyes and there it was breathing its pimento breath all over me

    i screamed!!!!!

    it got so scared it fell off the pillow and rolled under the bed.

    but that was even scarier because NOW IT WAS UNDER MY BED!!!!!

    so i called 911 and told them i had a stalker under my bed.

    the cops busted in my door with guns ready.

    i said ITS UNDER MY BED!!!!!

    they started shooting 20s 40s M80s

    they got it

    right in the pimento

    i have its remains mounted on my mantel

    reality is not what its cracked up to be


    pirates ate my watermelon

    i think it was over ripe

    they said arrrggg

    telescopes have feelings too

    i suppose when life gives you lemons you make lemonade

    how about if i just suck the lemon juice out and throw the rinds at people


    that would fun



    and positive
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  13. #73
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    pppppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssfffffffffffffff fffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    now you have spit all over you


    1 + 1 equals the square root of nothingness exceeded by only a fraction of yummy and creamy


    first you take the peanuts and you crunch em you crunch em
    then you take the grapes and squoosh em you squoosh em
    then you take the bread and you spread it you spread it



    HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!



    did you wash your hands cause i have NO CLUE where them crunching and squooshing hands been


    i have no circumference



    a + b = c when the moon rises across cincinnati in the spring on a tuesday

    otherwise it = d


    kentucky fried chicken gave me chicken pox


    ill sue!!!!



    i wasnt sure about the crawfish until i asked it


    who decided that itch was a good word???


    when you feel something bothering you you should call it a phlurgle splot


    it just sounds itchier

    then you could say


    hand me my phlurgle splot eradicator


    if you say phlurgle splot eradicator 5 times really fast it says

    foejaljdlfjdlre;kna;kjeejrewjajfreerewjrelwjrelwjr ewlrjewjrljlajjoeoieor3rqkndkngkgjapowfoawjrpoqwru 4o5


    lets all go to munchkinland!!

    1) pick up a string
    2) tie the string around your big toe
    3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
    4) wait



    if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
    then put both of them on top a cheese cube
    then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
    then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
    then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad


    well



    you got lunch!!



    i told myself
    that it wasnt myself
    but then i argued with myself
    on account of myself


    stupid myself

    i wasnt ready



    finding belly button lint is my hobby



    my liver itches



    wont you be my neighbor???



    NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!

    1) pick up a string
    2) tie the string around your big toe
    3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
    4) wait



    if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
    then put both of them on top a cheese cube
    then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
    then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
    then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad


    well



    you got lunch!!



    i told myself
    that it wasnt myself
    but then i argued with myself
    on account of myself


    stupid myself

    i wasnt ready



    finding belly button lint is my hobby



    my liver itches



    wont you be my neighbor???



    NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!

    i had it captain!!!!


    it was right there in the palm of my hand!!!!



    a klingon bugger!!!!




    unfortunately it got away

    oh no captain!!!!! the enemy has us in his tractor beam!



    hailing frequency




    on screen




    greetings earthling...........................

    you have made me very very angry


    quick!!!


    arm the torpedo tube!!!!



    we dont have any torpedos left sir!!!



    here!!!


    take this kiwi


    hes been gaseous!!!


    brilliant captain!!! chemical warfare!!!!


    the kiwi got stuck in the tube captain!



    here!!! take this cow and see if he can blow him out the jeffries tube


    the kiw passed out from the cow’s breath captain. he had too much coffee this morning.


    well do something man!!!!!


    the enemy is arming his weapons!!!!



    shields up!!!!!!


    hes fired sir!!!!



    *shaking shaking shaking ensign #2 falls to floor captain leans to the left leans to the right of his chair deanna falls to the floor in a graceful swoon data yells captain!!! theyre attacking!!!




    give me raisins

    sorry commercial break

    my cell phone is ringing!!!!! oh!!!! the humanity!!!!!!!!!



    good



    it stopped





    kinda creepy how it does that



    why does mr rogers need running shoes and a sweater in his house?



    if only i had a brain/heart/courage/lots of money and a yacht



    if you lick a lollipop kid do you go to jail?



    a house dropped on my cat.

    a girl and a dog got out.

    the girl said well hi im dorothy. And ewwwww oh im sorry.


    i shot her.



    the end.



    hi ho hi ho its off to work we go


    doesnt snow white get pissed that the dwarfs keep calling her a ho?

    i just want to know one thing.


    how can cinderellas shoe size be THAT different from everybody in the land. i mean if its that bizarre where does she buy shoes?


    and another thing.


    dont ya think its a bit odd that rumplestiltskin wanted a baby? seems like the chick coulda called cps or something.



    oh toto

    theres no place like home




    captain!!!! theres something up ahead

    on screen sulu!!




    eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    spock!!

    any idea what were dealing with???


    it looks like an eggplant with a stick captain.

    I believe it’s a kiwi





    whats it doing spock????





    let me punch in some information on my console that blinks and flashes with whirly sounds


    i believe its staring at a wad of belly lint captain



    sir!!!!! its moving!!!!!!






    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    he ate it!!!!!!!


    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    get us outta here chekov before we hurl!!!

    if its called stop watch why do you keep watching it??????



    STOP!!!!!




    raggedy ann to raggedy andy - stuff it!!!




    if everybody on the planet blows in one direction at the same time will the earth spin faster?




    watch!!


    did you see it???



    I left a trail of fairy dust where i was



    if happy little bluebirds sing beyond the rainbow
    why o why cant i ?




    well
    1 you cant carry a tune
    2 you cant get to the other side of a rainbow dufus
    3 your not a bird



    no i did not steal the gum off your shoe

    i stole it off the bus stop seat

    captain

    alls quiet on the western quadrant


    update spock


    well sir

    there seems to be a vast blackness out there

    no stars

    no planets

    no people


    oh wait!!! i see something


    its a giant olive!!!!!


    a giant olive spock?



    report!!!


    well sir



    its green


    with a stuffing of pimento

    and its HUGE!!!!!!



    wait!!!




    somethings happening!!!


    the pimento!!!!



    look!!!!!!!



    its unscrewing!!!!!!!




    oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    its hideous!!!!!!!!!!!!


    probe it spock


    ewwww!!!!


    im not probing that thing!!




    YOU probe it!!!

    sulu!!!!


    gloves!!!!!!

    evil spelled backwards is live

    bad spelled backwards is dab


    devil spelled backwards is lived



    mad spelled backwards is dam



    sppuurrlffffttttttt spelled backwards is just silly




    if you run in place does time stand still?




    it is DEFINITELY further to new york or by boat



    i looked it up on wiki





    do angel fish have wings?



    are we there yet?



    i dont think i look like myself. i think i look like the mailmans brothers sister in law twice removed



    have you ever tried to stuff your head in a mailbox?



    it dont fit



    i looked up one day and saw an airplane heading straight for me



    can you think in backwards?


    if you’re on a train and an airplane hits you...................its a bad day

    oh............


    look at the cute children playing...........



    my bad............it was a rock


    time for a contacts change




    i signed a petition to make candy canes plaid



    i did the math



    the earth disintegrated into a black hole 3 years ago



    oh dear what could the matter be?
    oh dear what could the matter be?
    oh dear what could the matter be?
    your standing on my foot you doofus!




    if i turn my eyelids inside out can i see inside my brain?



    i sneezed because my knees had fleas
    oh please your knees had fleas?
    dont tease
    go eat some cheese
    before the freeze
    i need to sneeze


    my brain took a right turn when it shoulda veered left

    my eyeballs crashed



    squid need love too




    honest officer................

    i didnt see that stop sign


    it was behind the red light

    my cat is scanning her feet



    when the big hand is on the 2 and the little hand is on the 6 that means something


    if you crossed a cantaloupe and a banana you get a cantanana


    cantanana - spanish word that means blowing up cheetos


    they dragged up the shrimp net captain



    why did we need a new mexico?? the old one was just fine


    and where is old york or old jersey??


    somebody needs to start explaining these things

    if our big toe was on the outside of our feet rather than the inside we could take corners sharper



    if you leave your tongue hanging out your mouth all day does it pick up lint?



    if you keep doing this your face will get stuck




    when you snort cotton balls your brain gets fluffy



    SOMEBODY get that man gravity!!!

    watch







    see it????






    there it is again




    your brain on glue sticks


    my email will kick your emails butt anyday



    i dont need this abuse!!!!!



    yes i do



    its fun



    and creamy




    telescopes talk to me

    they whisper showtunes




    let’s all be slugs?


    they seem fine


    they ooze


    and leave slime

    it would make life so simple

    theyd be slime trails all over the place


    people could say


    hey slimeball!!!


    and it would be ok


    and wed all look the same


    like squooshy raindrops with antennas



    very attractive

    lamps can be quite entertaining



    they have bright ideas

    they have dark days and light days


    sometimes for no reason at all

    theyll just blow their brains out


    then you just replace them



    its kinda sad



    dinnerware are not as exciting to talk to


    they just kinda sit there and match



    i wonder what would happen if the dish really did run away with the spoon


    I have always liked clocks

    yeah clocks can be real sociable


    their always on time to events
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  14. #74
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    clouds discuss politics

    skyscrapers are fascinating when wet




    there it is again!!!!!


    air!!!!



    see it???!!!!!



    arm pit hair can be very attractive on antelope



    justification of extrapolated equivalent periscopes never cease to amaze the masses of brooklyn



    turtle mustard pie!


    yum!



    shhhh!!!!!





    antelope use their clipped nose hairs for mattress stuffing.



    sh! pass it on!

    Shhh!!!


    People shouldn't be gossiping!


    Sh!! Pass it on!



    And btw



    I heard that cows only change their socks once a month. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!

    Sh! Pass it on!!


    shh!!!! well i heard that librarians really hate kids and secretly want to tie them to flag poles during a hail storm


    shh!! pass it on!!



    See how easy it is to drop a cow on a martian?

    im reporting you to PETA!!!


    whats a clipboard?

    i dont mean the thingys that hold the paper

    theres a thing on the computer that says somethings on the clipboard

    wheres this clipboard??!!! does it hold paper?? and how authorized it to hold my papers???


    oh! the conspiracy!!!!



    no said the munchkin


    the world has 8 sides!!!



    count them!!!!



    why oh why do the pigeons try??????



    are you referring to the massive tic tac in the drawer????


    how rude!!!!


    i am not at liberty to be liberated thank you


    i came

    i conquered

    i scrapbooked it


    is there a minimus?



    open shut them
    open shut them
    give a little clap clap clap


    dont you need drugs to clear that up?????


    i know


    im bad


    im bad


    im really really bad



    uh huh!!


    the dandelions revolted today


    they insulted the marigolds

    owa


    translation please



    i o wa


    i owe something.........not sure



    correct!!! for 200 points



    then the placemat decided to evacuate


    it wasnt pretty


    june


    did you beat the children before they went to bed



    yes ward


    then there was one lantern


    two tripods



    and a magic mixer


    it was quite magical


    this just in





    ceiling fans go in circles




    OH! THE HUMANITY!!!


    the species is about to be destroyed



    news at 11


    i hear it!!!!


    the joyful sound of the garbage truck!!!!


    HALLELUJAH!!!


    in the universe before time


    god said



    i sure could use a waffle right about now


    and to think the jello solidified for THAT!!!


    there is just so much lemon pledge that one can sniff

    it isnt due until monday sir!!!



    thats not good enough soldier!!!!



    shine those tooth brushes now!!!!


    in the dawn of time


    the sunset was preparing for its dramatic scene


    what??


    you dont believe it????


    watch!!!!!



    see?????



    watch it again!!!


    see this time??????


    no??????


    your just not looking close enough!!!


    there it is again!!!!!!!!!!



    atoms!!!!!


    torpedos ready sir!!!!!!!



    wait for it!!!


    wait for it!!!!!!!!!!



    now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    dead butterfly



    its just not creamy enough until the surface turns bluish brownish green and smells


    ravioli

    we like ravioli


    macaroni



    stuffed with blue toe cheese


    its not whether you win or lose


    its who got kicked in the balls that counts







    my bad


    in the interest of preserving humanity


    air will rationed


    people in new jersey will get air on weds fridays tuesdays and sundays



    people in missouri will get it on mondays thursdays and saturdays


    people in texas


    just hold your breath





    then the munchkins hung Dorothy


    it was quite sad to watch




    lets all start a bugger collection



    it will be fun!!!!



    it doesnt matter what life holds



    now if i only knew what i meant by that


    it would mean something



    then the ravenous seaweed attacked



    when the cantaloupe held a town meeting they decided that watermelons should be used as jack o lanterns rather than pumpkins



    a riot ensued in the town hall



    seeds were everywhere!!!



    what if the temperature reached 106 then went to 0 then to 106 all in the same day?????



    that would hurt

    then ninjas ate the microphone



    when in reality



    it surely isnt trashday


    that was last week




    are you in deep thought????



    try flushing your brain with drano


    in the interest of mankind


    sponges will be octogon from now on



    thank you



    why didnt we see it coming??????




    my my john boy



    ate that whole olive did ya now??



    go ahead


    get to the woodshed


    ill be there shortly with my sledge hammer



    live on channel 8



    little house on the prairie a hoax


    waltons live in a condo



    i see trees of green
    red roses too
    i see them bloom for me and you

    and i think to myself


    where am i??



    i truly believe that barney would make a great president

    i mean look


    i love you you love me were a happy family


    with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you


    wont you say you love me too


    sounds pretty good to me


    then the chicken got pox


    it was quite disturbing



    this just in



    an asteroid bigger than texas is hurling towards the earth at this very second


    what?


    oh


    sorry ladies and gentlemen


    the story should read

    a small child threw a wad of gum at a texan


    my bad


    then the cantaloupe said




    stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    what?



    cantaloupes dont talk



    yes they do



    who said?



    that carrot over there


    but carrots dont talk either



    oh



    there is no such thing as air



    i promise



    its a hoax



    just like water




    jack sprat could eat no fat
    his wife could eat no lean
    and so between them both



    they ate instead a spleen



    eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww




    you know the little sprinkles on cupcakes?


    those are sugared rat dust




    it didnt take long for the asparagus to dry out




    there wasnt but 30 countries in the whole confederate military that eradicated the antelope

    one of those words doesnt belong there
    one of those words is kinda insane
    one of those words doesnt belong there
    now its time to lay the blame
    its time to lay the blame


    they roasted the marigolds live!!!!!!




    just when you thought it was safe to wash your dishes!




    justification of juxtapositions are just wrong

    lets all make thursday a holiday!!


    we can call it THAT DAY!

    we can celebrate with balloons pinatas and mushroom sauce


    jungle boogie

    jungle boogie


    jungle boogie



    did anybody get pictures?????



    it is a known fact that ranch dressing tastes like chicken



    the cow jumped over the butterfly

    then when it realized it mistake


    it backed over it



    there just isnt enough jello pudding to save the planet


    there just isnt



    what has 8 legs and drives a ferrari?

    you dont wanna know

    somewhere in the galaxy of cyberspace lies a jumbo box of raisinettes


    stardate 7484.9606022263827575750022222 1/2

    alls quiet here out in space

    weve allied with the klingons
    intimidated the romulans
    confused the borg
    and conquered the planet of disturbed kiwis


    our next mission is to free cyberspace from unwanted nosehair photos. it has come to our attention that there are many google images of nose hair photos.

    this madness must be stopped!!!!

    were setting the coordinates now



    sulu!! anything out there???!!!


    nothing yet sir!!!



    oh wait!!!


    i hear a ping!!!!


    captain!!!!!!!



    antelope!!!! off the starboard bow!!!!



    shields up!!!!!!



    arm the torpedos!!!!!


    drat!!!!



    I thought we exterminated them!!!!



    captain

    should we open a channel??



    open a channel???


    huh?



    like dig a canal?????



    no captain!!!! focus!!!!! talk to it!!!!!!


    no ahura. i hear if you talk to them your ears bleed.


    captain. qwitter on da screen



    thank you chekov!! and go to speech therapy will ya???? thanks!!!!




    greetings earth creature!!!!


    you have invaded our cyberspace.


    you have broken the human vs antelope / the antelope vs human treaty by showing your presence in this cyberspace thread.



    now all heck must ensue


    ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffff ffftttttttttttttttttttttt



    sir!!!!


    it has come to our knowledge that antelope have a weakness


    oh no captain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    they launched a spit bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    brace for impact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    wow!!! that was close!!!!!! they missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    have a space clean up crew clean that up later!!



    so spock?? whats their weakness???


    their deranged!!!!



    they think their birds and not antelope!!!




    is that right spock??? hmmm??? maybe we can use their insanity against them
    sneak attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

    they beamed right into our jeffry tubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!


    and one beamed into the latrine. i think it was their leader


    quick worf!!!!!


    get as much RAID as you can find



    were going on an antelope kill!!!!


    and get a few cans of lysol



    the smell is getting unbearable!!!!!



    Quick troops, stock up on beans and asparagus.

    We will take over soon enough!



    should we use the fact that their crazy sir??


    we might be able to get deanna troi to sense their deepest fears then faint


    or spock can mind meld with them and scream dramatically!


    oh no captain!!!


    our spies disclose that they are eating beans and asparugus!!


    chemical warfare!!!



    red alert!!!!!



    gas masks on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    now



    be vwey vwey qwiet







    i think their right around the corner



    deanna


    do you sense their presence?



    i sense much fear because they know they will be exterminated

    i sense much resentment because they know we humans are superior


    i sense much confusion because they took a wrong turn at uranus and thought they were headed for the crab nebula

    they were going out for lunch.


    lets flush them outta their hiding spot



    freeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    commander of the cyberspace thread is lurking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    everybody!!!!!



    act casual!!!!


    oh no!!!!


    sir!!!!!



    the antelope are on board!!! They have farted in our general direction!!!!!



    damn it spock!!! if ive told you once ive told you a million times!!!



    no bad news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    only happy fluffy news!!!!


    please!!!


    captain!!!


    368 crewmen dead!!!!!


    weve taken a bad hit!!!!


    mccoy!!!!


    tend to these soldiers quick!!!!!!



    damn it captain!!!!!



    im a doctor!!!!


    not a ....................oh wait..................


    scotty!!!!!


    shoot that cow at them as one last sign that we WILL be victorious!!!



    ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffffff fttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!


    Incoming COW!!!

    Evasive maneuvers


    MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO???????????????



    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    just in the nick of time the trash compactor ate the crock pot!


    the end


    8 legged trash compactor

    2

    arachnid

    2

    wiki

    2

    greek


    2


    togas


    2


    drunks in gutters


    2


    rolling them for change



    its all perfectly logical


    your the one who lost your place sir


    want a bookmark???


    no comprende senor la rodent


    localized marijuana smokers bake cakes


    news at 11


    in the interest of humanity

    humanity will begin to get interesting


    i think hyperboles are overrated

    then the apricot bit the dust


    there is an overwhelming surge of stupidity running rampant in the humanity closet

    oxygen is never entertaining


    stones will help in the adjustment of circular thought

    alienation of synaptic overload helps the ongoing tendency to fulfill randomness


    jump starting total atmospheric anomalies isnt easy



    when in doubt

    vomit


    the use of verbs is quite disturbing


    it doesnt help life to breath

    just hold it


    in the scheme of life humans rate below cotton balls


    joy

    justice


    and jugular veins


    you decide



    Hey Secretly Pretentious!!!! I can only edit now, but I think you should take your art exhibit on the road. I feel such a masterpiece of achievement deserves more than just latex gloves and condoms in a backroom.

    Well, we might be able to work the condoms into the feng shui arrangement



    then the mushrooms grew bigger and bigger and bigger until they took over cleveland


    news at 11


    it isnt always the pumpkin that makes the cocktail sauce



    spewing red sauce all over the counter is a fun craft idea for small children


    now the universe can belong to only the inner sphere of reality and life as a kumquat


    good times



    in the interest of mankind


    there will no longer be mankind



    just some oozy dust and windchimes


    coughing up the antelope was not fun



    guided miscalculations of brain waves is always conducive to making people go away

    not belonging to the human race can save time


    individual consciousness is a choice


    touching is such a touchy subject


    i think therefore putt putt no longer exists in a spatial environment


    it never used to need brill cream

    whats up with that??


    today is suicidal squirrel day


    enjoy!

    then the eggs leaped off the counter

    ran across the room


    and splattered all over the wall


    so i called 911 and said


    the eggs leaped off the countrer


    ran across the room


    and splattered all over the wall


    they were not amused


    it just seems like jellyfish could try a little harder

    thats all im saying


    i switched brain pattern providers


    my last company wasnt professional


    obviously the pattern for humanity is to have a purpose


    unfortunately the purpose of humanity is to follow an obvious pattern


    i choose to pattern humanity with an obvious purpose


    and be done with it


    purposely and obviously


    telling time does not help time travel


    just ignore the little hand


    inside outsiders have inside information


    sometimes


    special skills seem to be needed for sitting


    maybe there should be a course


    i am not inclined to elevate breathing to a high priority status


    in a tidy little antelope world


    angels coexist with bunnies


    then when the farmers come into the picture


    whap!!!


    it couldnt be helped



    they thought they were fig newtons


    it just seems wrong to believe in the power of arm pit hair

    i totally did not see that semi coming up the road


    yes i know i put the little squirrel in the middle of the road


    officer


    he asked me to


    hes been depressed


    indecent insightfulness is indecently insightful

    cotton balls cannot help their offensiveness


    they were bred to be offensive

    it doesnt matter if molecules exist


    it only matters if hamstercules exist


    geesh!

    coexistence is only relevant when you need someone to help you move





    jovial interludes stop so many stuffy paperweights





    yes


    oatmeal does taste like chicken





    and once again


    humanity feels the need to join the human race


    its just so frustrating





    open discussion of depressing situations is always fun



    pleasant surprises always make me wanna puke


    puking on the other hand is quite the pleasant surprise





    its totally indescribable



    what is toilet tissue?



    correct! for 500 points





    in the interest of helicopters

    i would like to share this poem


    oh helicopter
    oh helicopter
    you make nice whirly sounds

    oh helicopter
    oh helicopter
    as you hurl out of control to the ground


    this just in


    cat puts furry tail in my face for 368th time





    subsupimgurllistquotecodeflash


    ah! now i feel so much better





    its not about the oxygen


    its about the carbon dioxide


    geesh!!


    radicals!!!!



    yes there are many points! didnt you read the rules???? you get 5 points for making snide remarks............20 for saying ppppppppppssssssssssfffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt tt!!!!!!!!!!! and 50 bonus points for saying whatever to small children and nuns. your just gonna have to stay after school and learn how to do this right. man!!! do i have to spell EVERYTHING out????!!!!!!!!!!!!

    shhhh!!!





    im planning an armadillo attack



    unfortunately i have to wait like 400 hours to do it



    but it WILL happen!!



    and it aint gonna be pretty!!!



    ah!!! he has come to fight the dead armadillos with his sword again!!



    its roadkill warrior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    this just in


    all people named george will now be named jello


    jello will now be named george

    and to think gilligan didnt like asparagus


    if only he did


    if only he did

    joy to the world

    the corn is borled

    da helicopter

    da helicopter!



    its not whether you win or lose


    its how you cheat lie and steal


    different

    the elves took the keys and drove the car to las vegas

    then they won 468 dollars playing craps

    then they drove to the grand canyon and starting singing show tunes


    it was a jolly good time



    the cheeseball incident was tragic.

    no survivors


    news at 11



    then a tornado swept up dorothy and toto and dropped them at walmart!


    and they walked right under a sign when the prices dropped


    it speared dorothy in the head


    toto survived with a flesh wound

    and now.........


    the dinosaur polka





    sound the alarms!!!

    battle stations!!!

    spock


    status


    there seems to be a guy in a red and white suit and a bunch of reindeer off the starboard bow


    open a channel


    um

    may i help you??


    youve been bad kirk


    very bad



    industrial strength surgical socks


    get some today





    and now a quiet interlude











    there!!!



    wasnt that worth it???



    juxtapositions of incarcerated refractions is quite painful


    im told.



    its roadkill warrior lady!!!!!


    wait!!!


    ill go get my spatula





    wait!!!!


    a semi!!!!!


    its headed straight for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    duck roadkill lady!!!!


    duck!!!!!

    then roadkill warrior lady lived happily ever after


    fighting priuses everywhere


    yeah roadkill warrior lady!!!!





    its never impossible until the possible says it is



    individual shrimp in shrimp scampi have varying opinions about the cheese sauce



    what do you get if you cross a cucumber and a llama?

    you get lumber

    so go out and build your house with llamas and cucumbers today!



    square pegs must fit in round holes in order to ease the tension in jamaica


    really?


    no not really!!!


    arent you paying attention???!!!

    when the earth cooled


    silly string formed





    quick!!! get that man some visine!!



    its really more of a geography question dont ya think??

    so do all endangered species run across the road??





    see! i was walking down the road when all of a sudden a spaceship lands and this flying purple people eater gets out and pukes up all these people. then he got back in his spaceship and took off. he musta been car sick.



    its a known fact that certain types of bookkeepers use green pens.


    i know! its criminal!!



    define criminal.


    well their creamy thats what he cr is for

    and they like to look in your eye and thats what the i is for

    and they rob mi and thats what the mi is for

    and they

    oh wait


    let me start over



    no!!!





    in the interest of national security a law has been made that forces people to put their toilet paper going over the top rather than under the bottom when unrolling. the white house has a comment now.


    my fellow americans. i know this sucks. live with it!!!


    the end.



    thank you mr president.


    we will now return you to the movie rawhide vs godzilla





    i saw a much walked valley


    so i put up a condo

    see there was this guy and he was hit by a meteorite


    right over there


    see?


    yeah



    i know you can only see his nikes sticking out


    quick


    lets steal them


    in the interest of womankind


    men will be slapped senseless if they snore


    i just think that jello pudding is obscene


    thats all

    people need to listen to the marigolds


    they speak wisdom


    it doesnt matter which telephone you use


    they all fry your brain with microwaves


    then your head falls off


    and a fine layer of crust develops over your neck




    ewwwwwwwwwww!!


    random people wander randomly until they get hit by a bus


    joyous celebration happens in small rooms with no ventilation


    hanging up laundry is really a conspiracy practiced by pagan dirt mongers


    antelope run free because they belong to a union



    then the parrot choked to death


    so sad



    nobody knew how to give beak to mouth resuscitation




    then the feet went sour


    many were disturbed


    this just in




    2 + 4 = 7



    news at 11


    freshly made shoe polish


    yum!



    now quick!!!!



    lay low!!!!




    no reason


    just wanted to see if you would do it



    its never about trigonometry


    why is that?


    what if the alphabet only had vowels?


    would cat be spelled aoaiaiaeeuu?


    it just doesnt seem right


    juicers

    this just in


    oops my bad



    it went out



    time stands still for no one



    what if the battery dies


    then the ostrich ate the beanstalk


    causing jack to crash down to the earth at 40 miles an hour


    news at 11


    tip toe

    tip toe

    tip toe

    tip toe



    ouch


    tip toe

    tip toe

    tip toe

    fluffy pants are really creamy!!


    totally tacit textures truly taste good


    my my mr smith


    you cant actually expect us to believe your watermelon just burst at the seams like you say


    then there were the chickens


    sad



    so very sad



    i didnt do it!!

    i swear!!


    it was the carpet cleaner!!!



    when you see an antelope


    next time


    just give it a great big hug


    it will appreciate it



    when life seems a bit unfair




    explode





    it feels so good



    especially the crunchy and chewy parts


    kittens ate my blender

    we gave them yogurt to clean them out


    why oh why do i bother cleaning the lint between my toes!!!


    turtle wax is unlawful


    just in time for the flogging!!


    quick get the popcorn!



    i suppose life is just aching for kumquats


    I almost miss the motion sickness



    Shh!! lurking lurkers lurking

    quick clem!!!!


    get the night goggles!!




    Watch


    darkness





    aint it cool??



    just when you thought it was safe to play with hand grenades


    geesh!


    twinkle twinkle
    little star
    picture a kumquat
    at a bar

    jolly old st sasquash
    smoked hashish
    and burped a lot

    he sat on an elf
    barfed on a shelf
    and crashed his Civic
    while snorting pot



    (my holiday song)



    just in time for the flute punch




    its not about seasoned bread fruit




    just in case the world ends tonight



    i bought scotch tape


    then eeny meeney miney mo
    torched his toe in a slow mo flow



    duct tape amasses great feats of strength from all the quacking energy



    sh!


    the pigeons!!



    they are restless!




    inquisitive minds are nosy



    jiggle the keys up and down three times

    and then do a pirouette


    if that doesnt work



    bark loudly


    this just in




    aliens have landed in new york





    and now back to our show



    chickens do the darnedest things




    just in time for the reindeer polka


    yum




    there once was a pizza



    and a boy scout troop




    it was tragic



    and gory



    and creamy




    schmitty!!!!!



    oops! im sorry.


    i thought you cursed.


    my bad




    christmas lights will make you go blind


    its true



    i saw it



    and so did the 10000 blind elves





    its not about postulating plurals



    its about circumcising random penguins



    big difference


    post apocalyptic aspirations are the prime achievement one can make

    its even bigger than deep frying raisins



    why does orange juice have to be orange?


    just once i want to have blue orange juice


    is that too much to ask!!???


    in the interest of penguin kind



    ice will remain cold


    purple people should be eaten by one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters


    its only right



    stop!!!!!!



    ok




    go



    lets freeze fire and see what happens




    still in the mist of all the chaos somebody smelled old spice



    the downright interesting part of the whole ensemble was the scratching post.


    never underestimate a scratching post



    gotta run

    left a coconut baking in the oven



    groundhogs told me the earth spun 10 degress askew while i wasnt looking. i thought i felt something


    plaid with pompoms



    i thought i smelled artichokes




    SPOCK!!!!

    scotty beamed me into a fruitcake!!!!!




    wwwwwaaawwasannwwannanwwwannwanwnwnanwnn!!!!!


    the sound of a man being hit with a rake in outer space




    i cant feel my toes captain!!!!

    so stop whining
    hold your breathe
    and take your space suit off dummy!!!


    Butter with ranch dip



    now take 3 bites hold it over your head and recite the abcs backwards 3 times really fast


    zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba

    while spinning counterclockwise



    *in a mr rogers voice*
    did you barf??


    i thought you would

    Engines ready sir.




    Engage!!!!



    Stardate 485.2984




    We are headed into Romulan space. We know we're not supposed to be here.


    But we're being vewy vewy quiet.


    we have just beamed to an alien planet



    earth atmosphere



    spock mccoy a random guy in a red shirt who will get killed before the first commercial and i are searching for alien life.


    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    there goes the guy


    darn!!! and i liked his hairdo


    i forgot my presence of essence



    stardate 43268900.39533

    its been awhile since the borg have tried to assimilate us


    we wonder if their energizer bunny has run down


    sulu

    coordinates



    we are headed to what seems to be a small island sir




    full speed ahead



    sir

    approaching a lagoon


    full stop


    random ensign who will only be in this one episode! take the helm


    spock
    mccoy
    sulu
    checkov
    ahura
    scotty
    even though its insane for the entire top crew to beam down a search party

    oh what the hell
    lets go see

    beam us down random transporter room guy



    bzzsszzzzzsssss................




    damned that random transporter room guy!!!


    he forgot to beam down my pants!!


    i try and i try and i try captain to get your approval


    but nnnnoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!


    shhhh!!!

    everybody!


    act casual!


    hide behind this coconut

    look!!! someones coming!!!

    its some skinny guy with a funky white hat captain!!


    everybody


    look like a palm frond!


    gilligan!!! oh gilligan!!!!


    yes skipper??


    gilligan! did you tie up those two bamboo sticks like i asked?

    yes i did skipper.

    well you mistakenly tied up the professor with them. now go untie him immediately! he was working on that coconut
    nuclear reactor and doesnt have time to be tied up


    yes skipper



    did you hear that sir?


    their building a nuclear reactor



    i knew it spock!


    alien *******s!!


    spock!!!

    watch your language!! this is a g rated show.


    sorry captain. im feeling a little amokish today.


    thats fine



    just focus!!



    yes captain



    captain!!! someones coming!!!


    its two girls!


    ginger? do you ever think ill find a boyfriend while im here stuck on this island?


    to be honest maryann.............you got no chance

    i mean mr howell is married
    the professor has his nose in books all the time
    the skippers too old for you
    and gilligan
    well you just dont wanna procreate that species now do ya?


    i suppose not


    oh i wish i could find a tall green guy with pointy ears and no personality

    someday maryann

    someday


    captain

    did you hear that?


    there are several people on this island



    quick!


    everyone!

    phasers ready!!


    its not about the cheese whiz


    who said that commercial could interrupt us?

    just a thought captain


    what if these people have already built that nuclear reactor?

    they could be a threat


    great scott scotty!!

    great thinking!!

    now well have to just annihilate them without question


    set phasers to obliteration!!!!


    someone else is coming sir!!



    everyone!!!


    put your cloaking device over your head




    checkov!!!! your shoes are showing!!!!



    sowwy sir!


    but lovey darling


    we can never have too much money

    oh thurston


    your such a hero


    did you hear that spock???


    they have money!



    but we dont use money in outer space captain. its useless.



    i know spock.


    but still.


    im just jealous anyway.

    I know captain. you just dont like playing fair.


    sadly spock. its true.


    set phasers on slushy.


    attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    blood
    guts
    violence
    pssfffsstkksssskkeeeffffsstttt sounds

    screams
    censored moments
    ooze


    stardate 33899283833.533

    i was the only one who survived the island attack
    it was brutal

    spock married maryann and lived happily ever after on a distant asteroid
    ahura married the professor and he finally was able to get that stick thingy outta her ear
    the skipper and scotty struck up a friendship and went out for a pint of ale
    chekov and gilligan have been sitting in the same spot going wemington. huh? wemington. huh? wemington. huh?
    sulu sliced up mr and mrs howell with his samurai sword
    and mccoy finally was able to surgically remove gingers tight dress


    im all alone now in space
    drifting aimlessly with no crew


    i think ill go see whats happening with my old buddy jean luc picard


    random transporter guy


    beam me over to that other enterprise


    bbzzzfeefffttteeetttvvgggffftgttsstt!!!


    dang!!! you left my shoes again scot boy!!!

    oh well

    good thing i packed another set



    stardate553993939.5


    all quiet in cyberspace

    it makes me vwey vwey nervous


    captain do you want me to warp to earth to see whats going on there??


    aye sulu



    closing in on north america captain



    steady sulu


    we dont want the boss seeing us


    hell know were goofing off from our mission


    aye captain


    putting on the cloaking device


    sh!!!


    everybody!!


    breathe in slo mo!!


    um captain


    yes spock?


    they cant hear us breathe from earth




    oh



    right!


    i was just testing you



    *whispers* kumquat


    I HEARD THAT!!


    ahura open a frequency

    deep fried cheese worms

    breakfast of champions


    in the beginning the earth cooled


    the dinosaurs decided it was a good time to break open the good china


    just because life gets complicated does not mean its time to pull out the life vest


    pots have a way of mingling uncontrollably


    join us now in song

    oh the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
    aint what she used to be
    aint what she used to be
    the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
    so she botoxed all day long



    in the end

    the earth warmed


    ants in your pants
    cant dance


    joyful jiggling jello

    got a bum rap


    its not about the essence


    just the ooze



    roads go up
    roads go down
    roads go round and round

    ok thats making me sick


    in the interest of essence

    all exposure to life lessons will be suspended temporarily


    the closest thing to atmosphere can be really important




    just in time for pancakes and jelly beans!


    captain picard!!

    unidentified captain approaching ship sir!!!



    its captain kirk coming for a visit!!!


    full ton torpedos!!!!


    fire!!!!!



    in the interest of zucchini

    the squash confessed to the crime


    just when you thought it was safe to dislocate a shoulder


    totally useless watermelons


    its truly sad



    why oh why cant goldfish just get along???



    yes!!!


    its the giant lamp sale!!!


    oh happy day


    oozy yellow slime makes a great dinner companion

    its creamy




    then the little teacup said to the big teacup


    no!!!

    not the beans!!


    if i cared to do the math

    i would



    then the little girl ate the spaghetti octopus and lived happily ever after

    the end



    just so you know


    kumquat season has started



    yep


    you can shoot those little suckers to your hearts content



    it really wasnt special until the jello hardened.


    then it became priceless


    just so you know again


    the top of a blue pen can be chewed


    then they started screaming loudly in the bank parking lot


    not pretty


    the pedestrians were appalled



    its really not fair the way pigeons are treated


    supercalifragilisticexpealadociaous

    my spelling of the word above is something quite atrocious
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  15. #75
    Forum Addiction:

    Join Date
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    cat biting my fingers as i type!!!

    hello!!! not a hotdog!!!

    now fuzzbutt in my face


    better

    now where was i?

    where am i?

    who am i?

    what am i?


    sorry the needle got stuck


    much ado about nuthin

    what is ado??


    is it like a do?


    like a hairstyle?


    bored cats are redundant


    just when life wants to grab you around the neck and choke the living **** outta ya


    theres a commercial


    im not sure the sponsor agrees


    just so you know



    the sun is not cool


    why is pluto not a planet?


    did he get expelled?


    i am therefore i was a week ago



    justice prevails in vail colorado but only in the winter of 2009 before the frost set in

    is there some kind of cat rule that says putting their tail in a persons face is acceptable???!!!

    there is a sleeping snoring orange right above here. and a guy in sunglasses. and some crying green dude. explain.


    ok.

    the orange guy choked on an orange and dropped dead and his skin turned orange cause he dropped dead in the sun.

    the other orange guy in sunglasses saw the dead guy and smiled at first then turned green from the site and cried.

    it all makes sense.

    whats the red hand with the thumb up about?

    hit it with a hammer??


    i wish people had whiskers like cats. then we wouldnt run into door frames when we rush.

    i wonder what pickle casserole tastes like


    i saw this bird once


    its barney!!!!


    no sorry


    it was a giant purple hedgehog


    my mistake



    totally opposite of an ice pick


    if you saved all the belly button lint of 10000 people would you be able to feed a nation?

    then the first man on the moon slapped the second man



    in slow mo


    blue cheese is scary



    running


    running


    running


    splat!!



    ouch



    its not just about the over escalating misconceptions that boggle the mind as much as the inability to dictate grand numerical cocktail parties


    is it possible to roll jello into a ball?


    just because i said so



    arent you the least bit concerned that the sun will instantly erupt a solar flare and cook your brain?

    just when you thought it was safe to squeeze turnips


    inside this little box lies the secrets of the universe


    oops!!!


    no!!!! you werent supposed to open it!


    now you let it out and it flew away


    good going dimrod!!!


    now the secrets of the universe are floating around the planet



    in the interest of dogkind


    i would like to say


    stop peeing on my front lawn



    its a rare thing to see flocks of elephants



    yellow asparagus is scary




    how many hs can you use to spell cantalope?



    then again asteroids can be a problem



    just put it in the closet and lets go


    its sticking out

    go get the safety scissors

    or a sledgehammer



    im not sure what splendid wads of toilet tissue really means


    it just doesnt happen because we want it to


    then again they do have a life of their own


    i need more nyquil to really catch the flavor

    whats a lethal dose of nyquil?

    if you take nyquil during the day what will happen?



    its not supposed to happen spontaneously

    just a gradual ooze then


    must be the antelope


    the antelope
    ate the cantalope
    because he could not elope
    nope
    he was at the end of his rope
    didnt even smoke dope
    started to mope
    talked it out with the pope
    put it all in scope
    lost his hope
    went out and bought soap
    poor dope



    the jelly bean
    made a scene
    and got real mean

    oh no


    he beat up sucker
    and a trucker

    you thought i was gonna be rude didnt you?


    in the interest of mankind there will be no other planets decommissioned


    thank you



    antartica was discovered to be chilly



    it wasnt about the penguins!!

    i promise!!


    just because obi wan said so is not good enough!!



    han solo associates with rednecks


    looky wookie!!!

    a little nookie!!!


    if c3po and r2d2 got married what letters and numbers would they be?


    i didnt do it captain!!!


    blame the droid!


    listen.............


    here it??




    the sound of nothing



    and now for something completely random



    i dont mean to complain captain


    but your standing on my hand



    well why is your hand on the floor ensign???



    well actually no its on the console


    just because the tambourine man it doesnt mean you have to do it too


    ice cream truck drivers sell drugs



    really



    its true



    what happened when the nun crossed the street?


    no


    its not about the earth rotating in a clockwise/counterclockwise/circular/random way


    it really isnt


    join in the chorus of rugby body snatchers



    if you only make right turns and never a left

    will you end up where you started?


    im opposed to triangles

    they’re so obtuse

    with an acute case of 90 degree superiority



    fewer fever moments make boring bedfellows



    it wasnt until the squirrel incident that people started getting vaccinated for stupidity


    and then there was 1 + 1

    with my brain power i will make that other person disappear



    dang!!

    still there


    let me try mind melding




    dang!!!


    still lurking


    must think repellant


    aaahhh!!!


    very tenacious indeed captain


    the klingon seems to not want to let go of the forum button



    orders captain!


    ahhh!!!

    now theres 2 klingons!! their cloaked!!



    arm the torpedos worf!!!



    red alert!!!


    be vwery vwery quiet


    theres an intruder onboard


    he seems to be some type of far ranger sir



    did you lock on his coordinates?



    well sir


    he appears to be at the bottom of the screen



    good!


    hold this position and lets see if we can send a probe to scan him


    do you think they found out about our pu 36 explosive space kiwi inhaler???



    possibly worf



    get will



    huh sir?


    number 1


    do you need to go to the bathroom sir???


    no you nimrod!!! get will riker on the bridge


    but sir

    hes at the beauty salon getting his hair done


    well tell him it will have to wait damn it!!

    aye aye sir!!


    you rang sir????



    stop doing your lurch impression riker!!


    Input number 2!

    well sir!!


    why should i give you input?? you make way more money than me. its like your robbing me of my information. why dont i think about what im gonna do and you think about what your gonna do and then we can see whos idea is better


    wont that be a fun idea???


    thats an idiot idea will



    oh look!! we lost 2 aliens



    somebody mustve shot them out the torpedo tubes



    one mustve put on his cloaking device. do you think their romulans?


    another one captain


    its an invasion. there beaming on board. their lurking in space. im getting claustrophic




    oh stop whining worf!!!


    lets ask data


    well captain


    the way i see it


    we seem to be caught in some type of public forum galaxy


    random people move through time space and dimension easily with something called an id and password


    good gopher gravy data!!!!


    did we enter a worm hole??
    it seems we did captain.


    how to do break free???


    not sure captain.


    not sure


    not sure!!!


    you were wired to be sure!!


    you cant say not sure



    yes i can

    no you cant


    ah ha!!!!


    while we were arguing the far ranger beamed off the ship


    maybe it was the arguing that got him to evacuate.


    do you think itll work again??


    not sure captain


    we can try it


    no


    why not?



    not in the mood to argue


    i could sing


    yes singing might help


    lets get worf over here to sing us a ditty

    uk uh hok uck hokt buk uck

    wow worf


    that was quite beautiful


    what?


    oh no captain



    i had a chip stuck in my throat and i was trying to dislodge it with a little phelm


    eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!


    we could get uhura to sing us something


    we could but isnt she in the old enterprise while were the new crew


    wont that mess up the time space continuum??

    well yeah maybe


    but when she sings she makes such goofy faces that the aliens might laugh themselves to death


    right!!



    get ahura on the speak phone!!


    captain


    there are 4 cloaked warbirds off the starboard bow


    how do you know their warbirds if their cloaked??


    they may be cloaked mushrooms for all you know



    well sir


    their kinda big for mushrooms



    well they could be really big cloaked mushrooms

    true


    but im sure their alien spaceships of some kind sir


    i mean what would cloaked mushrooms be doing wandering around in cyberspace???

    lost one captain!!!


    good job!!!


    were boring them to death!!!



    a new space weapon!!!



    still two cloaked off the starboard bow



    what if we just shoot torpedos at them sir?


    it couldnt hurt


    egads!!!! its a romulan loogie!!!!


    red alert!!!!


    man battle stations!!!!

    wait for it!!


    wait for it!!!


    quick!!!


    get out the barcode scanner!!!

    and another alien life form just beamed on board!!


    what are we running here???? some type of revolving space door???



    interesting theory data.


    is there a way to capture him?


    well i did suggest that barcode scanner back there.

    no! we need something more substantial.


    phasers on confuse!

    wow!!!! we did it!!!!


    confusion worked!!! he ran back to the 0 century!!!


    good work crew!!


    but what do we do with the two cloaked lurkers in cyberspace captain??


    now theres one.


    i know!!!!



    barney the dinosaur songs!!!!!!


    ready???



    i love you

    you love me

    were a happy family

    with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

    wont you say you love me too


    dang!!! this one must be a klingon


    still off the bow


    break out the big guns ensign


    what?


    you know


    the secret weapon

    what secret weapon?


    didnt you read the secret weapon email?


    um no


    the one that states we can shoot one of our crew members out of the torpedo tube.


    ohhhhh!!!


    THAT secret weapon!!!



    will get it ready sir!!!


    10
    9
    8
    7
    6
    5
    4
    3
    2
    1.............


    FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!



    antelope at 10 OCLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    shoot! missed!!


    man!! that lurker is tough!!!

    there must be something we can do to shoot it to the next galaxy.


    wheres an antelope when you need one?


    we could use one of his fart bombs.


    thats it!!!


    lets drink some coffee

    drink some beer

    eat a little cow ewwwwwwww


    and shake it all up


    actually nothings more powerful in the universe than antelope emission

    nonsense data.

    theres got to be something we can use to shoot the cloaked lurker across the galaxy



    space is getting so crowded these days


    it seems you just cant find a few kazillion square feet to think alone.



    time for shore leave.



    shore leave over


    that paradise planet was the bomb!


    except for the exploding flowers and rocks


    and the aliens who tried to kill us

    Little green men with brushes on their hats rock!

    Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!

    The reason 4 leaf clovers are so hard to find is because the leprechauns pull them down when they see you coming.........so sneak up on the clover patch and be vwey vwey qwiet.

    Santa Claus does exist. Ask the Easter Bunny.

    Dust bunnies procreate their species

    Chili cheese dogs are bred for their looks

    I believe peaches look embarrassed.

    Pigeons discuss politics. It's true. I read the minutes of their meetings from the sidewalk droppings.

    Olives for breakfast..................who knew!

    Combs travel in pairs.........just ask them.

    Stop signs need love too. Go ahead........give one a hug today.

    People just don't respect pumpkins enough.

    I bow down to your pumpkinismal love and beg your apologies.

    Some people don't respect pumpkins enough

    On the other hand, watermelons are the pox of humanity.

    Black Eyed Susans are wearing colored contact lenses.

    Rainbow pictures scare me. They always seem to be frowning in disapproval.

    Is there such a thing as open captioning?

    Is it further to New York or by boat?

    What ARE the odds?

    Can someone get that phone please?

    There are green ghosts behind people's eyes.
    Whispering 3 X a day is good for malaria.

    Seriously, again, what ARE the odds?

    Fountain pens deserve to live like the rest of us.

    Can your GPS find Munchkinland?

    What is Princess Leia hiding under those sticky buns?

    Seriously, would you actually buy sea shells at the seashore even if she sells them? Seems like they'd be lying around and kinda free.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

    It just seems like Jill should've learned from Jack's mistake. Sigh.

    What was that??

    If cats make toast,
    and dogs make lasagna,
    then you can logically conclude that cows wallpaper their bathrooms.

    Do cows have bathroom wallpaper with fish designs?

    Do they use soft soap?

    Were eggplants laid? What did it's mother look like?

    Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!

    Did you hear the joke about the dead pumpkin? How many dead pumpkins does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two

    One to decide the lightbulb needs changing and the other one to come to the realization that it ain't gonna happen.

    That joke was so bad, I need to hide my head in shame.




    NOT!!
    How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?


    Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it
    a surprising twist at the end.
    How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?


    3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue
    for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of
    the light socket
    Who named periwinkles periwinkle?

    Who would even think up such a name???
    What's a fon do?

    I heard it crochets doilies.
    I did research on the whole periwinkle name.

    Peri means around.

    So are these flowers around winkles?

    It's getting even foggier here.

    Hickory dickory dock
    The mouse ran up the clock
    The clock struck one
    The mouse ran down
    Hickory dickory dock


    OOOKKKAAAYYY!!!

    Not much plot

    Hickory dickory dock
    The mouse stir fried in his wok
    The wok burned up
    The mouse threw up
    Hickory dickory dock
    What can YOU spell in your bowl of Alpha bits?
    We're off to see the wizard!
    The wonderful wizard of oz
    We hea we hea we hea we hea
    If wever da wiz da waz


    Mithithippi

    The 80's rocked in slow motion
    Cat spit never dries up
    Music of sound the with alive are hills the!

    Yellow is the best color
    Green should hang it's head in shame
    Blue needs Prozac
    Do you ever watch Math teachers? Their lips move out of sync with their words.
    It's higher power zilla!!!
    Do something radical today. Watch a dog drool.
    Coconuts are spies.
    I vote for the maybe party.
    Why hands on a clock? Why not feet?

    Arrrggghhhhh!!!!! My brain slipped!!!

    Ok it's back on.

    so........................


    In the interest of mankind, the word interest will be stricken from the English language


    gonna clap clap clap our crazies out
    clap clap clap our crazies out
    clap clap clap our crazies out
    wiggle our wobbles away


    ok lets all clap


    nope it didnt work


    its not about the asteroids people!!! get with it!

    what are two turtles ordering pretzels and cool whip?

    correct!!! for 200 points



    stardate 23333.59393939393939 squared

    we are in romulan territory and dont see any of them.

    spock!! get out the romulan bait!



    yes sir captain! string cheese torpedos!!! ready!!!! fire!!!!!!


    caught one sir!!!!! his lips are stuck to the hull.

    Now you're gonna be treated to WHY crazy talk comes so easy to me. I started a thread on that other forum called Crazy Genes after visiting my family in New Orleans for two weeks. The following crazy talk actually came out of their mouths. I deleted all the racist, political, and religious comments, well, because that was just crazy talk.

    So here's where my crazy talk comes from..........my crazy family:


    Actual crazy talk from my family who don’t see it as crazy talk:

    It's taken me 6 months to move into my apartment because my foot hurts and if I need a foot doctor I will have to travel all the way to my old home to go to the doctor.
    Yeah, the levee broke and the water is rising but my house is a foot off the ground so it won't flood.
    A hurricane won't hit us. It hit us last year.
    Mattresses float so it's ok if it floods.
    Why didn't the government tell me when they gave me money to live in a place that I had to move in???? It's all their fault.
    The guy on the 4th floor knows more than the government.
    Those doctors don't know anything about medicine. I don't know why they think they do.
    It's ok if the bridge leans to the side. They gonna fix it soon.
    The police makes allowances for people over 75 if they run a red light.
    It's best to not ever put lights on so people on the street can't see you..........even if the shades are closed.
    All the police reports involve people who don't live here (even though their address says they do)
    I didn't read it in the paper so it didn't happen (even though I saw it with my own eyes!)
    I'm painting the sidewalk with yellow stripes so the postman will stop putting my neighbor's mail in my box (seriously.........this is the exact words!!!) And seriously, there are yellow stripes on her sidewalk. Landing strip??
    The levees aren't quite finished so if it floods again the parish councilman said it woulda been too soon for a hurricane to come - again the exact words.

    The sad part.................my other relative agreed.
    It's not about money. It's about finances.


    (huh?)
    People shouldn't live together. They should just get married and be miserable like the rest of us.
    People didn't see Katrina coming. If they had they would've gotten to higher ground.


    (My brain is starting to implode)
    Don't throw that rotten lettuce away.


    Wait for it
    Wait for it






    It has nutrients.
    I married him so he could take care of me in my old age.
    Don't worry about the leak. I called Joe and he said he can come over on Thursday (it's Saturday and the water's leaking now). I don't trust those other plumbers. I can get up all night and empty out the bucket.
    I don't need a computer because I don't need to know what's happening in the world.
    Yes, I broke up your brother's marriage and had his kids taken away. But it really wasn't my fault.
    The bible was written by some guy who wants you to be Jewish.
    Greg (so and so).................

    do you know him? He's the president of the parish.


    I can't believe you don't know him.



    Well you know Bobby (so and so)................


    No?


    Why don't you know them?
    She don't mind her own business (as she's looking out of the curtain watching the neighbor)
    The U.S. government will just have to understand that I'm not ready to move. My cat will get too upset if I move.
    He got married to that slut. No I don't know her. I just know she's a slut.
    No.......I did NOT put on my blinker. Any idiot knows that if I stopped ma truck in the road, I'm gonna make a turn.
    People in other states are just so cold and impersonal



    (disclaimer............just what my relatives say........not me)

    Somehow I jumped out of the gene pool along the way.
    What's wrong wid dem people? It's cause they not from hea.
    We don't have to follow the rules. We from THE PARISH.
    All lawyers and doctors want is your money. They think they know stuff because they have degrees.
    He married outside the family. You can't trust dem people. (btw, I married my 5th cousin)
    I put the 2 x 4 up against the house so when the wind comes the roof won't fly off.
    She's having a wedding but she's gonna have nerve if she wears white. Maybe I'll suggest she put a black rick rack trim on the edge.
    What happened to the eggplant? I'll bet those neighbors broke into my backyard and stole it.
    Schools don't teach them nuthin
    My trailer's safer in a storm then your house cause it's off the ground.
    I can't move cause I have to watch out for my neighbor's dog. They don't.
    They use the excuse that they have to work. It just seems like they working almost everyday almost all day.
    That's so stupid you had to go to college. You shoulda stayed home and raised those children. That's your job. You don't need no college to raise children.
    Just drive around the broken part of the street. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
    Just walk around the broken part of the sidewalk. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
    Them damn garbage guys. Can't they see I know it's garbage day?


    (not sure what she was referring to here)
    It's closer if you take the streets.
    You weren't my first born. Or my second. Or my third. But you weren't my last.


    (I was the third...............I think.............now I'm not so sure)
    I don't need a computer cause if there's anything I need to know it'll be on Channel 4.
    Yeah the bridge section came down and fell in the river one time, but if you go real fast and it does break off, you still got enough speed to make it to the other side.

    I can't stir the pot. I got my beer in one hand and my baby in the other (promise you, it's real!)

    My trucks bigger than yours by miles.
    We ain't got nuttin pretty at the front gate of the parish except the National Guard
    I shoulda stop having kids and only had my last one.


    ( I guess I should be insulted because I wasn't the last. But then would the last be first? I'd better not try to figure it out)
    I can't figure out how to use it. Right now it just holds my pencils until somebody can tell me how to turn it on.
    That dang red cross. They don't know how to handle emergencies.
    Are you kidding? I ain't ever heard of such a thing..........not having a wake. It's for the family. That's the only time they get to visit and eat food.
    He can't put up a wooden fence. I wouldn't be able to see if I need to what's happening in his yard.
    The family is coming over. Don't use the towels.


    (I never could figure this one out)
    Why is she still living with that drunk? Pass me that beer will ya?
    (While swigging beer and driving down the road) Look at those drive thru daiquari shops. Aint' that stupid!
    Why do you bother to tell me these things? I don't need to know stuff.
    Make sure you hit the bottom of the bridge on the right. You'll knock the bottom offa ya car if you hit it straight on.
    Yeah, I know there's all those houses all caved in on their roofs. The city can't fix them or knock them down cause FEMA told them to use the money on things we don't need.


    (I guess this is a political statement coonass style)
    You see this antelope??



    They'd be arguing over whether is was pork or beef.



    I ain't lying.

    They on the wrong side of the family.


    (The sad part was he was speaking about his brother)
    Just put the heads in the pot. It'll had flavor.
    I know it's crabbing season, but they not Gulf crabs. Look at their bellies. There ain't blue streaks.
    Well, we can't invite people over. We outta Zatarains.
    Are they in the family? No wonder.

    I can't balance my checkbook!!! I told you I don't have any money!!
    (All the guys standing around a BOILING crawfish pot holding their beers)

    You think it's hot enough? Stick your finger in there and see.
    No, she's gonna have to come up with a different date for the wedding. The Saints are playing that day.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

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