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  1. #1
    Crylie's Avatar Anxious Cartoonist
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    I have parents who believe Anxiety Disorders don't exist...what do I do?

    Recently, I have been dealing with a lot of loss. There are also a lot of big changes happening in my life now and in the near future that are causing my depression/constant nervousness. Within the last 5 months my dog was killed suddenly, I accidentally saw my grandpa die, my dad decided to just stop talking to me and seeing me--he sold all of my things at his house and gave away me and my sister's room/bed/furniture/some clothes to his new step-daughter--and my mom is moving away and getting married in Texas, leaving me and my teenaged sister here in California (it isn't as bad as it seems because we still have our apartment and that at least will be paid for, but Jesus, she and I are going to be all alone here). I am unprepared for this.

    I didn't graduate high school last year and I am afraid of messing up my first year of college. I just got out of a painfully manipulative 5 year friendship and it had given me many insecurities and a lot of bitterness. I constantly worry about dying and I haven't been able to work up the courage to learn how to drive. Every night I cry or at least tear up because I worry about someone I love dying the next day, and "realizing" how helpless I'd be and how alone I'd be. I worry about people thinking I'm stupid and not wanting to be my friend. I worry about being poor; I am embarrassed to be poor because a lot of my friends are well educated and are upper middle class and eat healthy dinners every night and go to expensive art schools and UCs. I harbor constant anger/pain/emptiness/confusion towards my father. For the past few months I've thought about him everyday wondering why he never calls or wants to see me.

    Every morning for a few years now I automatically pop awake between 6:30 or 7:30 in the morning due to stress (even if I'm not worried about any one thing in particular. It just comes.) and it's driving me insane. It's physically painful. Because of my stress/anxiety I have developed gastric issues with my colon/intestines--blockage and sharp, painful pressures every other week.

    I KNOW something is wrong. I feel it and it's very obvious to me. But both my parents are those that believe I can "pick myself up from my boot straps" and be strong and move on from this part in my life. When I argue that it's insulting to me that they seem to not believe that I try and have tried for many years now to control my anxiety and anger and that I *may* very well have something chemically wrong with me, they seem to scoff, roll their eyes or get very angry and frustrated with me because they find that suggestion ridiculous, or something. They call me a hypochondriac. They say it's all completely in my imagination. That I defeat myself without trying. Nothing I do or say (despite the fact that I have done lots of reading about these types of issues) convinces either of them, especially my mother, that I need help.

    I am in a time now of extreme hurt. I am also afraid, worried and in physical pain. I am wary of medication because I have an addictive personality and have had addiction scares (alcohol) in the past, so it's not that I'm asking them to put me on something or anything. I just want them to understand me and support me when I tell them I need to at least seek therapy. I have no idea where square one even is when it comes to coping/getting out of this depression and the fact that my own parents shrug this off makes me feel so alone, like I'm drowning. I feel crazy sometimes, too, like I'm talking to myself. Or like I'm in a nightmare where someone is trying to chase you or kill you and every time you try to call your parents or friends to come help they say, "Sorry honey, I'm at work, talk to you later, kiddo" or "Oh, it's nothing". It is a nightmare.

    I am very thankful for my extremely supportive boyfriend, but we both realize there is only so much he can do for me. There is only so much I can do for me on my own without professional help, I've concluded.

    tl;dr My parents deny the existence of my possible Anxiety Disorder, I don't know what to do and I feel so alone without their support.

    Pathos is a girl's best friend!

  2. #2
    Inscrutable Banana's Avatar Diggin' My Potatoes
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    There isn't much that can be said about loved ones dying. It's always hard despite knowing that it's inevitable, whether the life in question is cut short or has reached its natural end. My condolences on your losses.

    As for your parents, I don't want to sound too presumptuous so I'll try not to speak with much certainty on matters I don't fully understand; however, they seem to be actively pursuing a new direction in their respective lives and it's having the unfortunate side-effect of leaving you feeling left by the wayside. Their inability to relate to the types of problems you suffer from and their “pick yourself up by your boot straps” attitude no doubt has them feeling like you'll be able to pull through without them. That being said, by your description some of their behavior is rather cold to say the least. It's disheartening, but if they have failed to understand the severity of your problems thus far and will continue to do so, there isn't much you can do about it. It's hard for people who don't have personal experience with an anxiety disorder to understand how much of a burden it can be, the intangible nature of such issues obscures their ability to see it as a “real” problem—“it's all in your imagination,” after all. The older and more set in their ways people are, the harder it is to change how they perceive something they've already settled their mind on. As hard as it is, you may just have to learn to accept that you aren't going to reach an understanding with your parents on the matter, not now and maybe not ever.

    All I have to go on is this thread, but you strike me as a rather intelligent individual and you certainly write better than some of the people I've encountered who have finished high school and continued into college. Although, due to that I suspect that academic performance isn't necessarily where your concern lies. I found grade school unbearable and somehow managed to weasel my way out of a large portion of it and all of high school (turns out that wasn't a great decision, go figure...¬_¬), so unfortunately I can't really offer much in the way of advice on the various pressures encountered in a school environment. And in regards to worrying about how your friends perceive you, well, if they're really your friends it shouldn't matter how much money you have, what food you eat, or what school you can afford. Hardly a revolutionary thought, I know, but it is true. It may be hard to push aside your insecurities, but you know who your real friends are if they're still around despite less than ideal circumstances.

    I'm not comfortable saying much about medical matters as I have no real knowledge on the subject nor do I have much personal experience to draw from. I've thus far avoided taking any medications for both personal and financial reasons, but I do know that they can help some people. If you believe there's a real danger of you abusing a medication you should probably only consider pursuing them after you've exhausted all other alternatives. As far as physical symptoms go, I don't really know what to say. Prolonged periods of extreme stress can encourage the development of ulcers, among other things. If you're already experiencing gastrointestinal issues, it might be wise to avoid taking medications and eating foods that are known to be harder the digestive system than others.

    You may not be getting the support you need from your parents, and that's highly unfortunate, but you aren't alone. You have your friends, your sister, and your boyfriend to lean on for some support as you try to work on yourself—whether that means through your own methods or with the help of a professional. Try to focus on what you do have rather than what you don't, let the good people you do have around you know that you appreciate them and try to give them as much support in their struggles as they do in yours. Given enough time and effort your life with surely improve in the future.
    “Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin

    "If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry you're going through so much. Whether you parents believe it or not, it does exist. Just look around here and you'll see how it affects all the people here. The problems with having any type of mental or emotional problem over a physical one is that people have a hard time understanding that it can be just as debilitating. The fact that they downplay it with sayings like, "get over it" and other things just makes it worse because then you feel like a failure. They wouldn't tell a blind person to "get over it."
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  4. #4
    Crylie's Avatar Anxious Cartoonist
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    Quote Inscrutable Banana View Post
    There isn't much that can be said about loved ones dying. It's always hard despite knowing that it's inevitable, whether the life in question is cut short or has reached its natural end. My condolences on your losses.

    As for your parents, I don't want to sound too presumptuous so I'll try not to speak with much certainty on matters I don't fully understand; however, they seem to be actively pursuing a new direction in their respective lives and it's having the unfortunate side-effect of leaving you feeling left by the wayside. Their inability to relate to the types of problems you suffer from and their “pick yourself up by your boot straps” attitude no doubt has them feeling like you'll be able to pull through without them. That being said, by your description some of their behavior is rather cold to say the least. It's disheartening, but if they have failed to understand the severity of your problems thus far and will continue to do so, there isn't much you can do about it. It's hard for people who don't have personal experience with an anxiety disorder to understand how much of a burden it can be, the intangible nature of such issues obscures their ability to see it as a “real” problem—“it's all in your imagination,” after all. The older and more set in their ways people are, the harder it is to change how they perceive something they've already settled their mind on. As hard as it is, you may just have to learn to accept that you aren't going to reach an understanding with your parents on the matter, not now and maybe not ever.

    All I have to go on is this thread, but you strike me as a rather intelligent individual and you certainly write better than some of the people I've encountered who have finished high school and continued into college. Although, due to that I suspect that academic performance isn't necessarily where your concern lies. I found grade school unbearable and somehow managed to weasel my way out of a large portion of it and all of high school (turns out that wasn't a great decision, go figure...¬_¬), so unfortunately I can't really offer much in the way of advice on the various pressures encountered in a school environment. And in regards to worrying about how your friends perceive you, well, if they're really your friends it shouldn't matter how much money you have, what food you eat, or what school you can afford. Hardly a revolutionary thought, I know, but it is true. It may be hard to push aside your insecurities, but you know who your real friends are if they're still around despite less than ideal circumstances.

    I'm not comfortable saying much about medical matters as I have no real knowledge on the subject nor do I have much personal experience to draw from. I've thus far avoided taking any medications for both personal and financial reasons, but I do know that they can help some people. If you believe there's a real danger of you abusing a medication you should probably only consider pursuing them after you've exhausted all other alternatives. As far as physical symptoms go, I don't really know what to say. Prolonged periods of extreme stress can encourage the development of ulcers, among other things. If you're already experiencing gastrointestinal issues, it might be wise to avoid taking medications and eating foods that are known to be harder the digestive system than others.

    You may not be getting the support you need from your parents, and that's highly unfortunate, but you aren't alone. You have your friends, your sister, and your boyfriend to lean on for some support as you try to work on yourself—whether that means through your own methods or with the help of a professional. Try to focus on what you do have rather than what you don't, let the good people you do have around you know that you appreciate them and try to give them as much support in their struggles as they do in yours. Given enough time and effort your life with surely improve in the future.

    I'm sorry if quoting this entire response is obnoxious of me, but I wanted to be direct. I really, really appreciate this response--more than I can say. I've re-read this at least 4-5 times and have saved it onto my computer (hope that isn't corny...). It is a confusing time for me--I tried as best I could to explain exactly how I've been feeling when I made the original post; there are so many complicated emotions that, I've decided, definitely need to be examined by a professional. I've always had an issue with acceptance (which is key to moving on, so no wonder I've had such a rough time) and I suppose this is going to be my real lesson of letting go and moving on. For my sake and I'm sure for the sake of everyone that does support me.

    Fortunately, they offer 6 free therapy sessions with psychologists or psych majors who are about to finish their schooling. From there they can refer me to someone who is already a professional and is covered by my particular insurance, so I look forward to that.

    Once again thank you so very much for your response, it really means a lot to me. It's been and continues to be a struggle and this is my first time on any kind of Anxiety/Support forum. I'm happy to say that so far my experience has been very helpful. Thank you so much.

    Pathos is a girl's best friend!

  5. #5
    Crylie's Avatar Anxious Cartoonist
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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    I'm sorry you're going through so much. Whether you parents believe it or not, it does exist. Just look around here and you'll see how it affects all the people here. The problems with having any type of mental or emotional problem over a physical one is that people have a hard time understanding that it can be just as debilitating. The fact that they downplay it with sayings like, "get over it" and other things just makes it worse because then you feel like a failure. They wouldn't tell a blind person to "get over it."
    Yes, this has been the toughest part for me. I never did well without emotional support or understanding--I always need someone on my level; I fear being misunderstood all the time, it kills me when people get the wrong idea. Especially since they're my parents. Though, I know they've never ever been nurturing...I don't know what I expected. But the want for their approval and support is still there and it's very strong

    I wish I could be dismissing. I do not think that my father deserves a relationship with me if he's going to just decide to never speak to me again, like, why should I try to be in his life when he obviously forgot about me?...but it hurts me more than it does him and I often find myself almost caving and wanting to call and ask if I can come over. And with my mother deciding to leave, even though I've known this would happen, it just feels like a double-hit in the gut. I tried to get her to understand these emotions last night--and I suppose she's old fashioned and bitter and hardened from her own difficult and somewhat tragic life that she felt attacked and guilty. She doesn't understand when I tell her it's a "complicated" emotion, and it's not that I don't want her to be happy, I just don't know what I feel except that I feel sick to my stomach when I think of being here without either of my parents nearby to say Hello to (even more than that, I don't know) while my boyfriend has his hands-on parents who want to be in his life and still have there place in it as he enters adulthood.

    My mother thinks that I'm attacking her. She also thinks that my boyfriend is a "Mama's Boy" simply because he and his mother get along and are not dysfunctional at all. I feel terrible asking anything more of my mother, but I am only human and I am sensitive by my own personal nature, and she never understood nor has she gotten used to it. She thinks I'm soft and whiney. I try very hard, but there are certain aspects of my anxiety that are debilitating. She will never understand.

    So after last night I've concluded that it'll be easier on both of us if I just let her go and be happy in Texas and I will stay here and try to muster up the courage to move on.

    Thank you all for letting me share and for your responses. I really do appreciate all of them!

    Pathos is a girl's best friend!

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