Happy Sparkles and Coffee
I don't know if anyone else gets this (but living with family you get woken up A LOT rudely....) anytime I am woken up suddenly (alarm clock, people, etc...) my heart races and I get an anxiety attack and the anxiety levels don't go down for 4-6 hours >.<
killer of conversations
Every time I think about school I feel like hurling.
Today I have a particular subject/person going around and around in my mind and it won't stop! >,<
If I can't distract myself I get anxious.
Guy at the store. He kept running into me and leering at me as he walked by. And every time he said something like, "Hey lady!" in a flirty but also threatening (?) kind of way... I am small and men are scary. I need a taser.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
Or one of these. So tiny and so pinkQuietCalamity
Err tiny and pink is not really my style.Or one of these. So tiny and so pink
Plus I don't want to really cause harm to anybody.... I just wanna see creeps twitching out on the ground from time to time.
I was thinking more like this:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
killer of conversations
Trying to figure out a bus route home from the campus. Damn Google maps isn't showing me the one thing I need to see.
I need to preface this with the fact that I love my parents very much and I realize how lucky I am to be in the situation I'm in with them supporting me financially. And the fact that we can communicate at all is great - I know a lot of people here don't have that. They do way more for me than I feel like I deserve. There is no denying that and I am thankful for it every day.
This isn't something I dwell on or constantly resent them for because that would be pointless and counter-productive, but sometimes I do need to address it. Tonight is one of those times:
I was not brought up to be independent and it has severely aggravated both my generalized and social anxiety. I'm the youngest of five. I was always coddled. I was taught not to trust anybody or go anywhere or do anything, at least not without an older chaperone to protect me. I grew up thinking that everything was unsafe and pretty much everyone is not trustworthy. My mother is more scared than I am for tomorrow and how I'm getting home, doesn't want me to end up waiting for buses in bad neighbourhoods etc. Though I should know better, seeing her anxious, this woman who has decades of life experience on me, triggers my own anxiety. If she's upset, I should be upset too, right? Wrong. If anything, sometimes her anxiety is worse than mine. So I'm wrong to react based on how she's reacting. But she's my mom, ya know? I look to her for signs of when to be concerned and when not to be. Fucks with my head. I wish my sister were here to talk some sense into me. If I react based on how my mother reacts, I will always feel small and insecure and unprepared and incapable.
Babies crying or yelling while shopping or eating
I called a therapy place last week and had to call them back today. I couldn't get myself to leave a voicemail after calling like 3 times. Then they call me and are like, "I saw you called..." And I basically sounded like an idiot. I know i shouldn't be, but I'm so nervous about this.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
Getting redundancy is something real to worry about. Just that shows how stupid my stuff is.
Going to the doctor today and telling him about how I've been feeling (a lack of desire to live but not suicidal) the extremely worried expression on his face when I said it just made me feel worse.
My chances of losing my job have just gone back up today due to my inability to recover enough for work in time.
Got invited to my uncle's stag. I've never been to one before. Probably going to involve copious amounts of booze and drugs.
Ahhhhhh.
killer of conversations
Sounds like my first week of classesGot invited to my uncle's stag. I've never been to one before. Probably going to involve copious amounts of booze and drugs.
Ahhhhhh.
Minus the booze, save for right now. 'Cause, yanno...it's Saturday.
Mini family reunion thing....everyone was asking me questions
life---><---me
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