Making eye contact with a patient who just came in because I dropped something in front of her and it made a loud bang.
The Great Cornholio
Making eye contact with a patient who just came in because I dropped something in front of her and it made a loud bang.
Carl Sagan
Finding a new therapist
http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc
"A still more glorious dawn awaits
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the milky way"
"The sky calls to us
If we do not destroy ourselves
We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan
My therapist. I'm long overdue to see her. She probably thinks I fell off the face of the earth. I really need to see her.
Making a call
Pretty much everything I need to be doing
Life
I feel the same, I'm avoiding life right now. I see my kids of course.
I feel like I'm doing the bare minimum. I feel like I should be doing so, sooooo much more. I feel like I should be dating right now. I feel like I should have friends that I go out with, and, unfortunately, they're pretty scarce right now. I don't have many.
I feel like I could potentially be so, soooo much more if I didn't have anxiety. And not just for myself, not just for selfish reasons. I feel like I could be so much more for my kids, and my parents. And I feel like my anxiety holds me back in so many ways. For the thousandth time.
What else is new. I feel like I can only do so much. But I wish I could do so much more.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
InvisibleGuy,
I try to focus on what I can do, how far I've come and that if you had told me 5 years ago, 6 years ago, 10 years ago that I would be here, doing what I'm doing, I would have never believed you.
And what I do is not great by any means. It's just ordinary and regular. But I'm doing it.
I'm not trying to give you advise, just telling you how I try to turn around the negative thoughts in my head to positives.
What I'm avoiding is my mother and I feel incredibly GUILTY about it. She totaled her huge fancy car this week and drove into a guardrail and broke a bone in her face. Sigh. This is a huge trigger for me. I feel so guilty because my first thought, well my first thought was "was anyone else hurt" but my very quick to follow second thought was THANK GOD I WASN'T IN HER CAR THIS TIME.
I haven't called her and that is horrid of me.
I need to dig deep into my heart and find compassion for my mother. It's hard for me because she's mean to me. Cruel sometimes. But she's alone and old and hurting. The last time I called her, after she fell, she was so mean. That must be her sickness talking. She loves animals. I'm having a hard time finding compassion. She's alone, her sister is gone, she has no friends, she doesn't have much confidence and she's my mother. I do love her. I don't like her. Where is my love and why can't I find it?
It's
It's
I guess I just wish she loved me.
It's pretty hard to admit my mother doesn't love me and still I have to love myself.
^ I think you need to forgive yourself, go easy on yourself, Jamie.
My mother was my abuser, for years. There is going to come a time, when it's very possible, even likely, when I might be her own caregiver. Of course I'm going to take care of her. I also have a lot of resentment for the way she treated me when I was a kid, growing up. She was just really, really mean sometimes....like you said. She was just cruel at times.
I'd never be the same way to her. It's just....difficult to find compassion sometimes for people that are so cruel.
I've forgiven her for what she's done, but I haven't forgotten. So...that makes moving on really difficult at times. It's hard, in my experience, to move on with an abuser, even after you've forgiven them. That's just my situation, not insinuating anything about yours. Relationships with your parents can get really difficult from my experience, when you get older. There's gonna come a day, maybe soon, where me and my sister have to care for my abuser, my mom. If something happened to my dad, we are the only ones left. Because, honestly, no one else can stand her....to the point where we don't even see relatives anymore, even on her side of the family because no one can stand her anymore. So, I don't like the idea of being her caregiver but I might have to be.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
Thank you. You validated exactly how I'm feeling. All of what you said I understand and it's true for me too. I know that my abuser will need me soon. And I'll do the right thing as best I can. She's horrible to my brothers too, but much much worse to me. Anyway. Thank you.
The World
I avoided my highschool reunion yesterday. It was a mistake.
I wish I went
Going out
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