I want to start doing reading exercises to improve the fluency of my voice, but people
walk around my caravan all the time it's bloody fucking annoying. I can't do it at night because
I feel so sleepy and my voice just gives up (and paradoxically, too frightened to go to bed with the lights off..)
I can't even talk on the phone for more than a minute, it is bloody FRIGHTENING! That's why I never use the
communal phone. I use my cellphone inside the vehicle .. and take advantage of free numbers - e.g. calling social welfare,
the beauty clinic, etc.
It's a living fucking HELL today I even dropped a light bulb that I found in a heap of free stash left over by a church group . . Just
too distracted, worrying if people are looking at me digging through the pile. . the way they are looking at me.
This sounds like anxiety on the increase. I think those things when anxiety is bad. That means that the hypervigilance has run amok.
During those times, I have to step back and relax.
I used to have this fear when living alone. People would be looking in at me through the windows, watching me get the mail, watching me go to the store, etc.
It is paranoia at it's finest. And, thankfully, I don't have it anymore...at least those paranoid thoughts. I have others, however...
It takes some time working at it. And it isn't a quick fix. A therapist will know how to solve this.
People might be listening. And, if they are, there's a chance they will like what they hear. Think about it: if people are listening to you then that's not a bad thing. It would simply mean you're listened to and respected. If they are not listening then you're safe too.