Anything bothering you right now?

[SmileyFace]

Can you just not call them at all and totally cut contact? Or is there that feeling of obligation a lot of us Asian kids experience when it comes to their overbearing parents?

Don't end your life, inane. You know what's best for you, and that's to keep away from your parents, especially your mother. Try to do your best all the time in trying to get your own life together and go from there. Easier said than done, but... a little bit of progress will go a long way. Don't harm yourself It's just not worth it.

[Heelsbythebridge]

Montreal and Toronto built barriers around their most popular suicide points so I'm fine, there's no need to worry. I'll hope Vancouver doesn't get any ideas, it's my final backup plan. I'm not one to OD on pills because it's a highly unreliable method, and I don't cut. I cannot bear the thought of returning to that anxiety-fuelled, despaired and nightmare of an existence. I would honestly rather be dead.

You know how it is, Jen... I had to call so they know not to expect me back on Tuesday (they thought I would only be away for a month). Then my Mom called again, so I picked up- and she was sobbing saying she missed me. Like I was dying of cancer or something. Not her 22-year-old grown daughter trying to find her way in life. It's like she expects me to be her doll in a stroller for the rest of her life. She called two more times and I am not answering.

[BEEP] my life. Seriously [BEEP] it. I don't put it past her to pester my older brother about me until he decides to disown me (he's in the middle of the most stressful period of his career). If she somehow ends up in Montreal trying to look for me (AND SHE WOULD DO THAT) I.... Oh my god. I fucking..

I DON'T FUCKING NEED THIS.

[SmileyFace]

You know how it is, Jen... I had to call so they know not to expect me back on Tuesday (they thought I would only be away for a month). Then my Mom called again, so I picked up- and she was sobbing saying she missed me. Like I was dying of cancer or something. Not her 22-year-old grown daughter trying to find her way in life. It's like she expects me to be her doll in a stroller for the rest of her life. She called two more times and I am not answering.

This couldn't be any more true... and sad. It does seem as though calling them out of obligation is better than them possibly picking up the phone and calling the cops about you. My parents (esp mom) would do this. Obviously, cops can't do anything about such a situation of adult life, but my mom would probably make up some bullshit story to make me look like a criminal in hopes of cops bringing me back to her if/when I just walk out of her life.

[Heelsbythebridge]

This couldn't be any more true... and sad. It does seem as though calling them out of obligation is better than them possibly picking up the phone and calling the cops about you. My parents (esp mom) would do this. Obviously, cops can't do anything about such a situation of adult life, but my mom would probably make up some bullshit story to make me look like a criminal in hopes of cops bringing me back to her if/when I just walk out of her life.

It's so horrible. I wish I were the older child in the family, born male. Or that I would have more brothers and sisters. Being the youngest daughter in a family sucks fucking balls.

My Mom was also the youngest female of the family and she's always going on and on about how that position in the family is supposed to be the most pampered. How her older siblings and mother never doted on her like she was entitled to due to being the "baby" (she still complains about this despite the fact that she is 57!!). I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT. I need to be able to find my own goddamn way, and I don't want to be kept in a fucking crib for the rest of my life, or pulled along on a leash lengthened only when my "keepers" see fit. I AM NOT LIKE HER. I know I'm not independent yet. I know I need and will continue to need help. But it's only a month into this and already I feel like I'm getting a better grip on myself and finding the wits I lost long ago. I'm effing trying and I want to keep trying.

My instructors at school comment on how I seem to have a learned helplessness, how extreme my anxiety is, how I seem to lack a sense of independence/confidence when providing care. I WAS FAILED FOR THIS. I WAS FUCKING FAILED. I won't let this paradigm I've been growing in continue!

[Kesky]

Coastie all of the decisions you have made on your own have been sound. You are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself and your parents have survived a month without you living with them and will continue to survive as you do what all people your age need to do...find where your place is in the world is.
Listen to yourself, your own voice...especially about moving back in with your parents. You might be showing them the most amount of love by not enabling them to look to you to save them...Hugs ....

[Heelsbythebridge]

Coastie all of the decisions you have made on your own have been sound. You are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself and your parents have survived a month without you living with them and will continue to survive as you do what all people your age need to do...find where your place is in the world is.
Listen to yourself, your own voice...especially about moving back in with your parents. You might be showing them the most amount of love by not enabling them to look to you to save them...Hugs ....

It's why I tell my Mom and her sister (Aunt Laura) that their reasons for having children are not sound in my personal moral compass. If you're having a child to be your life companion, such as what a lot of mothers seem to think of their youngest daughters, it's the wrong reason.

My Mom was Grandma's youngest daughter (of seven kids), and she lived with us for a really long time. I think Mom expects the same devotion from me... When in reality, I'm in admiration of my Dad for being so amiable to supporting his Mother-in-law when none of his counterparts on Mom's side would step in. And for Mom to constantly tell me what a terrible man my Dad is, while he was away at work and couldn't hear and defend himself to his kids.

Took me so long to get a better picture of things.

/tangent

[SmileyFace]

It's why I tell my Mom and her sister (Aunt Laura) that their reasons for having children are not sound in my personal moral compass. If you're having a child to be your life companion, such as what a lot of mothers seem to think of their youngest daughters, it's the wrong reason.

My Mom was Grandma's youngest daughter (of seven kids), and she lived with us for a really long time. I think Mom expects the same devotion from me... When in reality, I'm in admiration of my Dad for being so amiable to supporting his Mother-in-law when none of his counterparts on Mom's side would step in. And for Mom to constantly tell me what a terrible man my Dad is, while he was away at work and couldn't hear and defend himself to his kids.

Took me so long to get a better picture of things.

/tangent

Yeah, my mom believes I shouldn't have any friends and that only SHE can be my friend. My best friend. It doesn't help that she takes pride in hardly having any friends, because she thinks I'm her only 'friend' and that is more than enough for her. She has also gone on and on before about how after I secure a good paying job and have a place of my own, she and dad will move in and live with me until they die.

No thanks.

She's even had this schedule set up... "you'll feed me 3x a day at this time... we'll look after your kids at these times when you're at work...." etc. It's scary and makes her just as overbearing than she already is.

When I move out, I am SO out of their grasps because otherwise, I'll go nuts.

[Koalafan]

Yeah, my mom believes I shouldn't have any friends and that only SHE can be my friend. My best friend. It doesn't help that she takes pride in hardly having any friends, because she thinks I'm her only 'friend' and that is more than enough for her. She has also gone on and on before about how after I secure a good paying job and have a place of my own, she and dad will move in and live with me until they die.

No thanks.

She's even had this schedule set up... "you'll feed me 3x a day at this time... we'll look after your kids at these times when you're at work...." etc. It's scary and makes her just as overbearing than she already is.

When I move out, I am SO out of their grasps because otherwise, I'll go nuts.

Holy beejebus I would be moving to a different continent and make sure I have the absolute maximum amount of distance possible from her when I move out.

[IllusionOfHappiness]

Holy beejebus I would be moving to a different continent and make sure I have the absolute maximum amount of distance possible from her when I move out.

Yeah, ditto. I don't even know what to say to all of that other than: RUN.

[Keddy]

I know I'm setting myself up to get fired but I seriously couldn't give a rat's behind about this job anymore. I'm not going to quit, but if they let me go I'm not putting up a fight about it. For God's sakes, I came in today wearing shorts and a T-shirt. No one has talked to me about it yet but it's a blatant violation of the dress code and they all know it. Just because I'm a manager doesn't mean I can do whatever I want.
I don't mean to be an asshole, I'm just overworked and it's destroying my mental health. I have no free time Monday through Friday. I've been working two double shifts (12 to 14 hours) a week lately because people are incompetent and underqualified.
F*ck this place. The sooner I get canned the better. I'm more than qualified to find a better job.

[SmileyFace]

Just texted my BF after not having heard from him for about a week. I'm glad I just did so, but now I am extremely anxious... waiting to see if he even replies or what he replies with.

[L]

I hate suggesting ideas of what do to with my boyfriend, it makes me nervous, what if he doesn't like it - I have three days off this week, I just send him a suggestion, now waiting for a reply.....waiting makes me nervous.....

[L]

Just texted my BF after not having heard from him for about a week. I'm glad I just did so, but now I am extremely anxious... waiting to see if he even replies or what he replies with.

What are we like - if you read my post it is a tiny bit on the same lines - but I hope you hear soon, a week is long and I am very curious now....

[SmileyFace]

I hate suggesting ideas of what do to with my boyfriend, it makes me nervous, what if he doesn't like it - I have three days off this week, I just send him a suggestion, now waiting for a reply.....waiting makes me nervous.....

What are we like - if you read my post it is a tiny bit on the same lines - but I hope you hear soon, a week is long and I am very curious now....

LOL I read that one post of yours before I got to this last post of yours, and I was like good god... the similarity! lol. I couldn't agree more... waiting sucks, especially when you haven't heard from someone for a little while out of nowhere.

I hope your bf gets back to you soon as well.

[Keddy]

Suicidal thoughts are coming back. I called my bf on the way home from work and we got in a bit of an argument, I said that the next time I think I'm going to kill myself I won't say anything and he's not going to get any warning, I'm just gonna do it and it's gonna come out of nowhere.
Now he's really upset with me and I don't think being angry is the way to approach that at all. I ended up cutting myself and now I feel stupid. He said "Don't count on sleeping in my bed tonight." As if it's only HIS bed. WTF.