The only time I sat down to talk with a friend about depression. As you can see why I don't normally talk to people IRL. I also translated the convo. Let me know what you guys think.
Friend: So are you still seeing your therapist? [I can't help you with your depression.]
Me: Yeah, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I've also been seeking online support.
Friend: Does that seem to be helping you? [I hope it is, because I can't help you.]
Me: It has, but I also think it would be good if I hung out with you guys more.
Friend: We haven't been hanging out as a group that much, but I'll keep you posted. [You better get cured first, or it might become contagious.]
Me: Oh ok. [It would actually help my depression if went out more.]
Friend: So do you feel sad a lot?
Me: Sometimes I do, it can get to the point where I feel completely hopeless... and want to go to extremes.
Friend: oh. [OMG, you're crazy and need help.]
Me: Do you know anybody who has depression? [You have lots of friends, you have to know somebody I'm sure.]
Friend: Not personally. [I think people with depression just like to be isolated and left alone. No point in being friends with them.]
Me: Thanks for talking with me, I feel better now.
Friend: No problem.
[I don't know how to help you with your depression.]
Me: We should hang out again sometime. [You can help me by hanging out with me more.]
[I hope you can get cured of your depression soon.]
After texting this friend and not receiving a response (which I know she read), I decided to delete her from my phone contacts. Do you think this was justified?
Am I right by saying the coloured parts are assumed and not said.... Are you a mind reader?....is she?... Maybe you could texted her the blue part? Be blunt about it, really explain what you want/need.
Yes the colored parts are assumed to be thoughts. Im not a mind reader, but knowing my friend, that's likely what she thinks. I think if I expressed how i thought, i would appear clingy and desperate which would push people away even more
This one is tough. I can see why you'd figure it was pointless to keep her contact in your phone, yes. She said some foolish stuff. Still, my gut reaction is to say that it never hurts to keep the person's number, in the event that they decide to remove head from ass.
Telling her that you sometimes want to go to extremes would certainly have set off the alarm bells for her, yes. I'm guessing those words put up a wall between the two of you, since a person who doesn't understand depression isn't going to have an appropriate response. Even as a person who understands it very well, I'd be treading ever-so-carefully there, were one of my friends to have said so.
I'm guessing she dropped the convo after that because she was still reeling. Not that the path the convo took was your fault in the first place. That was hers; you were trying to steer it in a positive way (toward a solution), and she re-focused back on the problems themselves. Which was totally insensitive on her part.
It is possible that she feels at a loss and doesn't know what to do, that she feels scared to talk about it? Could you ask to hang out with her, maybe plan something for you guys to do or go? Let her know that that would be a way for her to support you. If it comes down to it and she doesn't reply I personally wouldn't class this person as a friend then.
A friend of mine recently went through a bout with depression. It is so hard to know what to say when someone states such negative thoughts and emotions all the time. Especially since I'm very prone to depression and negative thoughts taking over. Anyway she had it rough. She is in her 50s, her children have mostly left home. She had a brain tumor that was removed. Her Mom got sick and died. Her Mom was in her 80s. You work so hard and then you are all alone and then you die. Why on earth do we live only to die?
Her eldest daughter just had the first grand baby and she is always in good spirits when they come in for a visit. If it weren't for baby Kevie I don't know how she would be. She even states her happiest days were when she was raising her own children and then they all leave. My kids are still all at home. Both my parents are alive but they are old, they could just up and die.
Most of the time I really didn't know what to say or do when she'd express how she wished the world would just be destroyed and that she would die.
When I went through a period of severe depression I had no hope. I was so stressed out, my critically ill child was pronounced better....She had no bowel control and very little bladder control and it wasn't going to get better, but it wasn't going to improve. I had very little family help with caring for my three kids the oldest was 5 and a incontinent toddler.
I remember my sister yelling at me. You can't expect others to be your source of happiness it is very unfair to them. I get this now.Although I still don't think any one in my family understands how all self consuming caring for a sick child is. To this day I just can't remember much of my son as a baby. All of a sudden I remember him being two years old. I do remember some stuff like when he'd wake up at night I'd sit in the chair and feed him watching Conan O'Brien, and that is actually a good memory.
I wouldn't write this friend off, but she may not be the best support system that you need. Some people for whatever reason aren't able to be supportive. It's taken me a long time to learn this as well. In the past I know that I would have deleted her from my life. I would probably still do this. HOWEVER CAUTION I mostly suffer from social anxiety disorder and I have few close friends and have dropped some people for lessor reasons.
I think for an outsider or someone that doesn't know a person with depression it can be a very emotional and scary time. I know when my boyfriend first went through depression I allowed him to push me away thinking it was helping, since then I have learnt I've got to be over active and in his case make him talk to me about what's going on with him. your friend may feel tentative about getting involved either from a lack of knowledge or feeling as though they aren't qualified enough to help or know how to. I think being blunt may be your best option. I think at a time when your feeling low you need all the friends you can have despite how unhelpful they seem, I don't think your wrong in feeling pushed out or hurt by your friend by I think deleting them is just closing yourself away from more people who could help. try arranging a face to face meeting with a friend they can then see how hurt you are and if they are any kind of friend they will hopefully step up to the mark and offer help.
Reply With Quote
<---me
