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  1. #16
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    The Middle
    "L.O.L + C.A.R = D.O.A"

    "Chill, I'll study when the teacher's handing out the test!"

    -------------------------
    American Dad

    "We have to find God! You become a hopeless alcoholic and hit rock bottom. I'll search rooms."

    "You may notice that my partner Greg isn't here, that's because he was raptured. Apparently God does loves gays, but only if they're tops."

    -------------------------
    Giligan's Island

    "Everytime we played cops and robbers, I was always the cop. I never got to be the good guy!"
    "The cop is the good guy."
    "Not in my neighborhood..."
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  2. #17
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    Seinfeld

    "Gammy's getting upset!"

    -----------------
    Family Guy

    "Police! Random dead body search!"

    "You know, Rupert. The word "gullible" is not in the dictionary. Oh, don't believe me? Here, look it up!... What? It really isn't?... Oh, Rupert, touche! Hoisted by my own petard. Ahahahahaha.... haha.. heh... I am so alone."
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  3. #18
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    Community

    "Do you know how long someone who is as sarcastic as I am would last in prison? Suuuuuuch a long time."

    "The North Cafeteria, named after Admiral William North, is located in the western portion of East Hall, gateway to the western half of North Hall, which is named not after William Hall, but for its position above the South Wall. It is the most contested and confusing battle field on Greendale's campus, next to the English Memorial Spanish Center, named after English Memorial, a Portuguese sailor who discovered Greendale while looking for a fountain that cured syphilis."

    ----------------------------
    That 70s Show

    "That redheaded harlot is going to be Shouting out my baby's grass stains! What about my last summer with my youngest child? I bet you weren't thinking about that when you went fishing! I bought sparklers for the fourth of July! He loves sparklers and now he's leaving and what are we going to do for THE FOURTH OF JULY?!"
    "Uh... there's a car show in Kenosha."
    "A car show? I don't want to go to a goddamn car show in FUCKING KENOSHA! I just want three more fucking months with my baby boy, and now they're gone because of your bullshit! WAY TO GO DUMBASS! "
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  4. #19
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    The New Adventures of Old Christine

    "If you can change one person's mind about TV, it's all been worth it."

    "Oh God, I'm tired. Am I done? I packed Ritchie's lunch, I ordered new towels for the gym, I put the trash out. I should brush my teeth. Eh, I had some red wine, that'll kill the bacteria. I'm good, I'm fine... I'm lonely. I'm fine. Everything's done. I'm fine... I'm lonely. I'm fine."

    "Who's there?? I'm not alone in here! I have a dog! And a boyfriend! Who's a cop! And he loves me! And he's strong! He can lift me! He can carry me all over the house...
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  5. #20
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    What?

    The curtains?

    Monty Python and the Holy Grail
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  6. #21
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    the middle

    "my hair is part of my identity. i cant just cut it off. it's what i play with when im nervous and sometimes chew on to taste my apple conditioner."

  7. #22
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    30 Rock

    "All this talk of Great-Escaping and Pokemons got me thinking: Is accepting who you are the secret to getting what you want? Do men and women really see the world so differently? Or can we agree that we’re all just monkeys with suitcases trying to seem like people? Can we get everything we need from one person? Or is that what friends are for? To be the allied POWs and whimsical Japanese mini-creatures that help us get through life?

    I guess what I’m saying is, I need to modify my Zappos order so please email me back at your earliest convenience."

  8. #23
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    Ray Parkins: Give me what you got, [BEEP] lips, or I'll make your face have its first period!

    Sudden Impact
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  9. #24
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    Dragon Ball Z: Bojack Unbound

    "You fool. Any last words before you die?"
    "Actually, Bojack, there is one word that comes to mind: KAMEHAMEHA!!!"
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  10. #25
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    Supernatural

    "I-I shot the sheriff!..."
    "But you didn't shoot the deputy."
    "..."

    "Oh Marmaduke, you're crazy!"
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  11. #26
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    The Big Bang Theory

    "Without realizing it, I have allowed that woman to alter my personality."
    "Sheldon, you didn't have a personality. You just had some shows you liked."

    ------------------------------
    Cougar Town

    "I wanna party with Ron Mexico!"

    "Damn Torres, if you were a guy, I'd be super turned on right now."
    "Oh please. I would wear you out."

    "You guys, I read something--"
    "Already not a true story."

    "Do you know how used I feel?"
    "It's like when you hook up with a dude, and then you wake up the next morning and he's gone and there's just a note on your pillow that says 'Last night was fun, call me next time you're in Tampa' and you're like... 'What? I'm in Tampa?'"

    "My cupcakes are so much more than eggs, flour, and milk. I put my soul in them. And according to some liar on Yelp, one of my fake nails whatever."

    "If there's one thing that we've learned Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Mind or Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side or Hilary Swank in that movie that no one ever saw, it's that all you need to solve minority problems is a really pretty white woman."

    "I almost barfed. Luckily, I can control my gag reflex...... Nothing?"
    "I don't swing at softballs."

    ---------------------------------------
    That 70s Show

    "I'm so glad I fought in two wars so that grown man could play with his yo-yos."

    "Damn U.S. government? If it wasn't for the U.S. government, you'd be stuck in Siberia sucking the juice out of a rotten commie potato!... If the government wants to shove a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank You!" and "God Bless America!" "
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  12. #27
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    The Big Bang Theory

    "Hope you're hungry."
    "Interesting. A friendly sentiment in this country, a cruel taunt in the Sudan. That's a lesson in context."

    ---------------------------------------------
    That 70s Show

    "The best part is that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend. Like I care! I wish he were dead! Hey! We should kill Fez!"

    ----------------------------------------------
    Community

    "I was going to be the first person in my family to graduate from community college. Everyone else in my family graduated from regular college."

    -----------------------------------------------
    Malcolm in the Middle

    "Hey, what am I thinking right now?"
    "I'm smart, I'm not psychic."
    "Can you understand what dogs are saying?"
    "No."
    "I can."
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  13. #28
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    The Middle

    "When I get rich, I'm gonna buy one of these and never use it!"

    "I've been to a lot of showers with other moms--"
    "Really? That's hot."
    "... Baby showers."
    "Oh... that's gross."

    ------------------------------------
    iZombie

    "Thank you for doing sex with me."

    -------------------------------------
    American Dad

    "Here's my home number, my cell, and the women's shelter where I'm either volunteering or dropping off my stupid [BEEP] wife. SOUP. IS NOT. A MEAL. VERA."

    "Why not? You tried to save Veronica Mars. We get it, girl detectives are bitchier than regular detectives. Fart! Not into it."

    "I'll give you $48 to assimilate."

    "They raised me with the same loving kindness they showed their own biological daughter."
    "Ooh, Gwen. God, she's hot. Playboy hot. Great, bad enough I was aggravated, now I'm also turned on. You can be so insensitive, Francine. Kiss me like your sister. You know what, forget it."

    -------------------------------------
    The New Adventures of Old Christine

    "I got a call from Barb. She's had the hiccups for the last 4 hours, she had to go to the emergency room. That was such a long message."

    "I've got something to show you."
    "Is it gross? I don't want to see it. Did it come out of someone? I don't want to see it... okay, I want to see it."

    "Bongo doesn't live here anymore."

    "All eyes go to Daniel and you know what they're thinking?"
    "Who's that 10 with the 6 who thinks she's a 9?"

    "You didn't notice that everyone in your gym is black?"
    "Of course not, I'm a Democrat."
    "What does that mean?
    "I drive a Prius. I don't see color."
    "What color is your Prius?"
    "No idea, I'm not a racist."

    "I think what I'd like you to do is whatever money you're going to spend on me I want you to give that to charity."
    "Sure. What's your favorite charity?"
    "Oh, it doesn't matter. Something with kids or gays or-- ooh gay kids would be good."
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

  14. #29
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    arrow
    ive had thea procure a couple kilos of cocaine--
    your mayoral campaign is off to a fantastic start then

  15. #30
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    American Dad

    "If two men want to open up to each other and share a love more sweet and exquisite than anything a man and woman could ever find together, then that's their problem."

    "Klaus, you got the train to work!"
    "Ja! It's in my blood. My grandfather was a conductor at Auschwitz... --No, no, no! He ran the kiddie train at the zoo. You know, it's a big town, there's other stuff there... "

    "I once found a robin's nest in Tim Burton's hair."

    "I'm gonna go hit the juice bar, you wouldn't like it. It's not about living out childhood abuse through degrading sexual encounters. It's more about juice."

    "The tour ends here? I thought that was a lap pool... Mike, you ended the boat tour in my office? Unacceptable. Get over here and fix it. And don't send your 20-year-old stoner son... I know, because I'm not an idiot, Michael!... Look I went through the same thing with Lily and she's at Yale now. Just talk to him. And by talk, I really mean listen. And fix my damn lair, you thieving [BEEP]!"

    ------------------------------
    tosh.0

    "Being a white boxer is like being a Republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans."

    -------------------------------
    Chappelle's Show

    "Does Wayne Brady have to choke a [BEEP]?"
    Keep it cool. Cool people never show emotion. Keep it cool.

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