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  1. #1
    Nara's Avatar
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    I'm a mean person

    ..and it bothers me. I wasn't like this some years ago, but then after all the mental health stuff & physical hurt happened, I became really bitter. Nobody likes me anymore and I absolutely hate myself. I just don't seem to be able to change, it's like the negativity has grown on me and it is disgusting. ''Thinking positive'' doesn't seem to work as it turns into sarcasm and sass in a millisecond. I used to get angry pretty easily and then I'd be REALLY angry for about.. 30 seconds, but now I'm just constantly grumpy and hating on things. I know it has something to do with me being depressed and feeling alone and abandoned, but I also understand I can't get better by hating everything around me. How could I get rid of this constant feeling of anger and hatred? Any ideas? Anyone else been in the same situation?

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    Hi Nara and welcome to the forum!

    I dealt with a young co-worker who was someone I literally called "grumpypants" to her face. I finally asked her, "What's hurting?" She broke down in tears and started telling me all her hurts. It was like a dam breaking.

    So if it's ok to ask.............................are you hurting about something?
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  3. #3
    Nara's Avatar
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    Yeah, I wasn't this mean before all the crap happened.

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    My therapist pointed out to me that when I started hurting about something, I would pick a fight to distract from the pain. I don't really know your story, but once I started realizing that fighting was a distraction from emotional pain, I started chilling out a bit.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  5. #5
    Antidote's Avatar Rude & Shouty
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    Yes. I used to be more empathetic, or tried to be, when I was younger. But in the last year I've noticed myself getting colder, more bitter, more angry. I know what has been triggering it (toxic people / situations), and also I've been lacking social support and validation in my life. I haven't totally figured out how to deal with this problem yet. But I guess you should at least look at lifestyle changes (sleep, exercise, and remove yourself from harmful people or places). And try to process negative experiences as learning experiences... things that wise you up. Also, you can train yourself to empathise with people again. It's like a muscle that you needs a work-out. Empathising with others actually protects yourself from them. Because if you can understand them they can't hurt you as much anymore. When it comes to life in general... life is horribly unfair. It's fcked. All you can do is try to enjoy the small things.

  6. #6
    Nara's Avatar
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    Thanks. I'm definitely gonna try to improve, but it's definitely not gonna be easy.

  7. #7
    fetisha's Avatar
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    I can relate, I became more of a monster over the years cause in some ways I wanted to push people away after dealing with so many frustrations in life and people so I won't get hurt, but it made things a lot worse sometimes. I hated when strangers/people try to greet me in public or have small talk with me so I ignore them most of the time. Living in south in america isn't the best for since everyone is nosey and loves talking to strangers. Cause I know they will start to dislike me for no reason.

  8. #8
    Lunaire's Avatar Consumer of Coffee
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    Quote Nara View Post
    ..and it bothers me. I wasn't like this some years ago, but then after all the mental health stuff & physical hurt happened, I became really bitter. Nobody likes me anymore and I absolutely hate myself. I just don't seem to be able to change, it's like the negativity has grown on me and it is disgusting. ''Thinking positive'' doesn't seem to work as it turns into sarcasm and sass in a millisecond. I used to get angry pretty easily and then I'd be REALLY angry for about.. 30 seconds, but now I'm just constantly grumpy and hating on things. I know it has something to do with me being depressed and feeling alone and abandoned, but I also understand I can't get better by hating everything around me. How could I get rid of this constant feeling of anger and hatred? Any ideas? Anyone else been in the same situation?
    Hi Nara! Hope you are doing well!

    Were you able to find a solution to become more positive and less bitter?

  9. #9
    Nara's Avatar
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    Quote Lunaire View Post
    Hi Nara! Hope you are doing well!

    Were you able to find a solution to become more positive and less bitter?
    I have worked hard to fix the issue and managed to co so. However, the journey will be hard and I've still got a lot of things that need my attention. But overall I've become a bit happier and a bit nicer than I was before. Thank you for checking on me, I really appreciate it.

  10. #10
    lethargic nomad's Avatar
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    I don't know if I'm mean but I'm definitely a negative Nancy. I've always loved complaining. I'm not sure if it has changed with age or not. I suppose I have less hope for the future because I'm running out of time and the realization that work is insufferable and so time consuming. Being alone makes it worse. I feel like I'm not alive. All I do is exist.

  11. #11
    Jaded and cynical
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    I'm a [BEEP] and it really bothers me. I didn't used to be. Years of being bullied, shamed, and abused turned me into a bitter person.
    I recently read a review of my business from someone who described me as "a really curt, nasty lady." I felt very sorry about it. I don't mean to come across like that but I am just not very nice in person, but I think it's a combination of me being awkward and standoffish.
    And yes, the reason I'm a [BEEP] is because I'm hurting. If none of those things had happened to me I would be the nicest person in the world.
    Best of luck to you in getting help for this issue. I am going to try my best as well.

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