# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  I hate private messaging

## WintersTale

Of any kind. Doesn't matter if it's on here, on other forums, on Facebook, on skype...I just hate it.

I just send someone a PM, and I feel I put my foot in my mouth. If I could go back and delete what I wrote, and rewrite it, I would...but I can't.

I've lost friends over this inability to edit myself. I just come out and say whatever is on my mind, on the internet. And that can be a dangerous thing, because people don't always want to hear what you really think.

----------


## Denise

> Of any kind. Doesn't matter if it's on here, on other forums, on Facebook, on skype...I just hate it.
> 
> I just send someone a PM, and I feel I put my foot in my mouth. If I could go back and delete what I wrote, and rewrite it, I would...but I can't.
> 
> I've lost friends over this inability to edit myself. I just come out and say whatever is on my mind, on the internet. And that can be a dangerous thing, because people don't always want to hear what you really think.



I do it all the time  :Panda:  The good, the bad, the ugly.. the pretty. I've lost a few.. they added me.

What happened with the PM, though? Did someone not respond to you?

----------


## WintersTale

> I do it all the time  The good, the bad, the ugly.. the pretty. I've lost a few.. they added me.
> 
> What happened with the PM, though? Did someone not respond to you?



They haven't responded yet, I don't even know if they read the PM.

I am not worried that I'll get a response. I'm worried that I will offend someone. That is my biggest fear, that I will offend someone and they won't like me anymore. It ties into this social phobia about me thinking I'm a horrible person, and that everyone dislikes me.

----------


## Denise

> They haven't responded yet, I don't even know if they read the PM.
> 
> I am not worried that I'll get a response. I'm worried that I will offend someone. That is my biggest fear, that I will offend someone and they won't like me anymore. It ties into this social phobia about me thinking I'm a horrible person, and that everyone dislikes me.



Oh. That would be my Number 1 exact reason why I don't talk to the vast majority of my friends on Facebook. Some of them even say they're too busy studying, but then I see them throwing comments with other, cooler friends on their statuses and think to myself... Meh.

----------


## WineKitty

I can PM and text.  I would rather get a root canal that talk on the phone for the most part.  There are very few people that I will talk on the phone with.  I do PMs on this forum, a few other forums and FB.  If not for PMing and texting I wouldn't have much contact with anyone.  Fortunately, I have some friends on FB that I met years back on another anxiety forum and they became really good friends so they totally get phone phobia etc.... which is nice.  People who have SA get it.  ::):

----------


## Rawr

I'm a careless speaker most of the time myself. I bring up things that're TMI & everything to people. I'm Socially Inappropriate & Inconsiderate of others a lot of times so I try to keep to myself but the urge inside me to be heard just builds up to where I end up sending the most random & uncalled for message to someone.

----------


## MrQuiet76

i like doing it but i'm the worst in the world at it... i always want to make friends and talk but i get so nervous about sending messages or saying something that will offend the other person that i procrastinate sending messages, ironically and sadly causing the other person to think i'm not that interested in talking to them even though I'm actually desperate... plus i'm terrible at keeping a conversation going, so usually if somebody starts PMing me, they will stop within a few messages because they realize what a waste of time it is to try to talk to a loser like me

----------


## Chantellabella

> I can PM and text.  I would rather get a root canal that talk on the phone for the most part.  There are very few people that I will talk on the phone with.  I do PMs on this forum, a few other forums and FB.  If not for PMing and texting I wouldn't have much contact with anyone.  Fortunately, I have some friends on FB that I met years back on another anxiety forum and they became really good friends so they totally get phone phobia etc.... which is nice.  People who have SA get it.



I'm with you about talking on the phone. I hate it. I'd rather email or pm than talk because I have been stuck on the phone by family members so long that I feel like strangling them through the phone. It's like one more thing needs to be said. I have to admit though that it's always cool to hear someone for the first time. But after that initial hearing them, I can just imagine them speaking through words after that.

----------


## Dill

I'm not a fan of private messaging either.  I have mine turned off here, in fact!

----------


## Antidote

Text has no tone and I like to get straight to the point so I tend to sound kind of terse and harsh online.

----------


## Duke Silver

I tend to prefer communication such as PMs online, because I can say whatever's on my mind, and edit at the same time. I can type, reread what I say to make sure the tone and meaning is what I intended, rewrite what isn't up to scratch and only then to I hit send. I don't succeed 100% of the time but I have a higher success rate than in person where I tend to blurt out gibberish, combine words and say things in the wrong order heh.

----------


## The Wanderer

I prefer PMing to instant IMing. And forget about phone conversing I can take all the time I want when  responding through PMing.  It usually takes me a long time to respond to a message, I put a lot of thought into them

----------


## IllusionOfHappiness

I like 'em all but none of them are easy. If done right, you can get across what you're trying to say. I image a relationship of some sort would already have to be established, though. The person might not share your sense of humour, for example. 

It's hard to IM, PM, and talk on the phone while being afraid of offending people or saying the wrong thing. It's just another part of life that can play out a number of ways. With my self esteem usually in the gutter and anxiety at my back I usual feel like I'm saying all the wrong things.

----------


## sanspants

> Of any kind. Doesn't matter if it's on here, on other forums, on Facebook, on skype...I just hate it.
> 
> I just send someone a PM, and I feel I put my foot in my mouth. If I could go back and delete what I wrote, and rewrite it, I would...but I can't.
> 
> I've lost friends over this inability to edit myself. I just come out and say whatever is on my mind, on the internet. And that can be a dangerous thing, because people don't always want to hear what you really think.



How do you mean you can't delete what you wrote? Do you mean after the fact? 

My life revolves around PMs when it's going right. That's how I feel I connect with people. What's difficult for me is balancing PMs with IMs and so on. Too many avenues of communication can be boggling.

----------


## est

I just sent some married friends an email.

I then emailed to apologize and edit what the former email had said.

Then the latter.

Then I died.

----------


## Apocalyptic

I don't know what to say but I think it'll be better if you think hard before sending something. Organize your thoughts/ writing and then hit the button.

----------


## Koalafan

I've always enjoyed pm's...except when I feel like I've said something stupid and I can't edit it!!! ::(:  but messaging overall I like far more then IM and chatting etc...  ::):

----------


## WineKitty

In general, I will read and reread a PM countless times prior to sending it.

----------


## Yossarian

I enjoy private messaging. I usually spend a fair amount of time on my message, taking time to read everything and reply. I try to think of questions and such to keep the conversation going. Sometimes I'll spend time wondering if something will sound weird. I usually do better with it than live chatting.

----------


## VickieKitties

Any form of communication via text is easier than communicating verbally, I suck at that so bad. >_<

----------


## Hitgirl

I think chat can be worse. It's everything I hate about conversations irl x10.   Plus I like to browse online with several windows open, so I've had people think I've stubbed them because I was on Youtube or something.   It's the main reason I deleted my facebook.

----------


## Evo1114

I don't mind online chatting and texting/private messaging at all.  Though certainly it does suck when I put my foot in my mouth.  (A lot better than in person though!)  The only problem is feeling like a slave to your computer.  I struggle saying bye to people first, so I'm often on the other person's schedule.  Lol. 

Oh, and one more problem is that I ramble HORRIBLY.  I always love when I meet somebody who can ramble as much or more than I can.  It's like all this lack of communication is bursting through my fingertips, ready to explode on my computer screen.  Haha.

----------


## srschirm

I always respond. Sometimes tone is hard to gauge online. I would never ignore someone, unless it was dire circumstances. You're probably blowing any faux pas out of proportion, WintersTale.

----------


## compulsive

I hate writing emails or pms. IMing is much better because there is no pressure to write heaps or have quality writing.

----------


## WineKitty

I am not only bad at initial communications but even worse at keeping up at it.  ::(:

----------


## WintersTale

Yeah, I blew it out of proportion. Wow, this is an old thread!

The things that I worry about, nobody else seems to worry about. That's essentially the result of having an anxiety disorder. I wish it weren't so.

----------

