# Anxiety Disorders > Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia >  >  The worst part about Panic Disorder....

## Kesky

...is its legacy. It's what I do with the information. I have panic disorder. I've had it for decades. So panic disorder in and of itself is not such a big deal. I've seen it a thousand times. It's my response to it that does me in....how I know that participating in anything that might potentially give me joy will require me to hang on for dear life and shut myself down. It's devastating and ultimately damaging. I think maybe I can't distinguish between the disorder and myself anymore. It's a combination of feeling the consequences of all the wasted years hiding and the deep understanding that everything I love in the world I won't ever be able to touch... Sucks.

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## nothing

Ugh, I've been feeling EXACTLY the same way lately. For a long time, actually, but now it seems to be getting more and more intense.

It seems to be like that, doesn't it; the harder you try, the harsher it treats you...

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## Sadeyes

> Ugh, I've been feeling EXACTLY the same way lately. For a long time, actually, but now it seems to be getting more and more intense.
> 
> *It seems to be like that, doesn't it; the harder you try, the harsher it treats you.*..



yes  ::(:

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## nothing

Panic, anxiety, fear; whatever you want to call it, it's a worthy adversary. It's so tempting to just scream "F^&K IT" and give up, but I've done just that before and I'm lucky to still be alive after those times. I'm just so sick of all the contradictory information, some say that fighting it just makes it stronger, but how am I supposed to accept something so awful? Right now I'd be happy with one single night of rest without waking up in full panic mode. Actually, I wouldn't be happy with that because I don't know how to embrace the little positive things in life. I feel completely locked up in my neurosis and unable to even make small steps towards that hypothetical "recovery".

 ::(:

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## Keddy

> ...is its legacy. It's what I do with the information. I have panic disorder. I've had it for decades. So panic disorder in and of itself is not such a big deal. I've seen it a thousand times. It's my response to it that does me in....how I know that participating in anything that might potentially give me joy will require me to hang on for dear life and shut myself down. It's devastating and ultimately damaging. I think maybe I can't distinguish between the disorder and myself anymore. It's a combination of feeling the consequences of all the wasted years hiding and the deep understanding that everything I love in the world I won't ever be able to touch... Sucks.



Yeah, you hit the nail on the head... That's a perfect description of how I've been feeling about my anxiety as well.  ::(:

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## Chloe

I've spent all of these years that I've had fighting, I've tried not to say no to anything just because id panic being the only reason. There was some allowances with gory movies and stuff but that's normal. And all that fighting has gotten me is a roller coaster of highs and lows and at least three different ways that I react to thinks while panicking. 
Earlier this year I did say [BEEP] it but not to the panic I said [BEEP] life I didn't do any college work for months (something I'm regretting now I'm so far behind on work) I didn't bother with going out, I ate very little, I didn't bother with my appearance that whole two months I was like that is a blur and I don't remember much of it. 
I know what you mean by seeing the world, you see people happy and having fun being reckless and doing everything and being what you want and you hate that your terrified for them but your happy for them as well as resenting them for being able to live so care free without this voice in the back of your head going [BEEP] shit [BEEP] and making you scared and shut down with fear

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