# Lounge > Forum Games >  >  Crazy Talk

## Chantellabella

Go......................

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## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, there will be no more jello served in cups. People will have to slurp them loudly out of very thin straws.

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## Chantellabella

Spam tastes like chicken on drugs.

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## Chantellabella

It's the asparagus!!! Get it!!! Before it runs for office!!!!

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## RawrJessiRawr

Let the crazy talk begin!  ::D:  woo waa and pokadots

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## Chantellabella

> Let the crazy talk begin!  woo waa and pokadots



With sprinkles!!!

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## RawrJessiRawr

> With sprinkles!!!



With sprinkles on top  ::D:   :8):

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## Chantellabella

Sponges ate my kumquats.

I was quite disturbed.

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## Sagan

Whoo THe corn raiders have come to turn my backside inside out

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## RawrJessiRawr

> Whoo THe corn raiders have come to turn my backside inside out



Better watch out then, the children of the corn might get you as well

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## Chantellabella

> Whoo THe corn raiders have come to turn my backside inside out



Sounds very painful in a Picasso sneeze kind of way.

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## Chantellabella

> Better watch out then, the children of the corn might get you as well



Are there any children of the broccoli? What about cousins of the asparagus?

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## Skippy

Wow...and I thought *I* was crazy....ish.... O.o

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## Secretly Pretentious

There you guys are! I couldn't find you. Had to have my taxidermied thylacine sniff you out. *starts arranging condom plants in the southeast corner...because it's feng shui*





> Better watch out then, the children of the corn might get you as well



OUTLANDER! WE HAVE YOUR WOMAN!

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## onawheel

IM A GANGSTER DINOSAUR BOM BAH BAH BOM BAH BAH RRAAWWWRRRR I mean rawwwrrrrrreeeallyy? I do.... I am... it's all true every last drop of your sprinkler feelings flooding the lawn of my evergreeen hheeaarrtttt... gangster rawrs.

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## Sagan

Ahh but the Coralmac craftsman took my door away now the cosmic rays are burning the cloud layer of my skin bop!

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## Sagan

> condom plants

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## RawrJessiRawr

> IM A GANGSTER DINOSAUR BOM BAH BAH BOM BAH BAH RRAAWWWRRRR I mean rawwwrrrrrreeeallyy? I do.... I am... it's all true every last drop of your sprinkler feelings flooding the lawn of my evergreeen hheeaarrtttt... gangster rawrs.



Did someone just say rawr!  ::D:  rawring and stuff like a rawrsome person, woo

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## Secretly Pretentious

> 



Why...Why are you laughing? There's some deep symbolism here. The condoms symbolize that safety comes with a sense numbness and hindrance to grow artistically. They symbolize why it's important for my not to wear latex gloves during my taxidermy projects. I need their energy to flow within me so I can capture the animal's essence. I must have direct contact with the carcass so we can become one. Sure there's a risk of contracting HIV by handling these dead animals. I actually contracted it once. My throat was so sore. But Jesus cured me because he's got big plans for me. (Then I grew the green ear fur that indicates prostate cancer, but that's a whole 'nother story.) Condom plants are serious business. Chantellabella knows what I'm talking about.

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## Sagan

Well then. I shall plant some condom plants and the raider con with bostwah shall come down to cure my ailments

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## Chantellabella

> There you guys are! I couldn't find you. Had to have my taxidermied thylacine sniff you out. *starts arranging condom plants in the southeast corner...because it's feng shui*
> 
> 
> 
> OUTLANDER! WE HAVE YOUR WOMAN!




Sheeee's Baaaacccckkkk!!!!!! Our feng was not shuing without you! So much taxidermy to do, so little time. And there seems to be a lot of mod birds around here. Just in time for Thanksgiving!! 

Now we need the aliens and Atlanteans for it all to be complete. Where is that bizarre writer anyway??

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## Chantellabella

> IM A GANGSTER DINOSAUR BOM BAH BAH BOM BAH BAH RRAAWWWRRRR I mean rawwwrrrrrreeeallyy? I do.... I am... it's all true every last drop of your sprinkler feelings flooding the lawn of my evergreeen hheeaarrtttt... gangster rawrs.



You're singing our crazy talk song!!!!

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## Chantellabella

> Ahh but the Coralmac craftsman took my door away now the cosmic rays are burning the cloud layer of my skin bop!



I have some bandaids. Would that help? You know the little round kind. If your skin bopped a lot, maybe you could put a whole bunch of them side by side in a galaxy pattern.

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## Chantellabella

> Did someone just say rawr!  rawring and stuff like a rawrsome person, woo



The rawrs are definitely in da house!  ::):

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## Chantellabella

> Why...Why are you laughing? There's some deep symbolism here. The condoms symbolize that safety comes with a sense numbness and hindrance to grow artistically. They symbolize why it's important for my not to wear latex gloves during my taxidermy projects. I need their energy to flow within me so I can capture the animal's essence. I must have direct contact with the carcass so we can become one. Sure there's a risk of contracting HIV by handling these dead animals. I actually contracted it once. My throat was so sore. But Jesus cured me because he's got big plans for me. (Then I grew the green ear fur that indicates prostate cancer, but that's a whole 'nother story.) Condom plants are serious business. Chantellabella knows what I'm talking about.



I sure do. But I thought that was only a Dutch problem. Do you mean to tell me it spread to other countries????!!!! How could be possibly keep up with all the telethons? Did somebody alert the United Nations? This is definitely a job for the Atlanteans/space aliens. 

Maybe you could do a nice stuffed centerpiece for the luncheon.

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## Chantellabella

> Well then. I shall plant some condom plants and the raider con with bostwah shall come down to cure my ailments



I think we're out of bostwah. Would jello do? We could plaster a little over you and of course apply the bandaids to keep it fresh.

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## RawrJessiRawr

> Wow...and I thought *I* was crazy....ish.... O.o



crazy is as crazy comes o.o idk lol

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## RawrJessiRawr

Because the world is round it turns me on Because the world is round...aaaaaahhhhhh

Because the wind is high it blows my mind Because the wind is high...aaaaaaaahhhh

Love is old, love is new Love is all, love is you

Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry Because the sky is blue...aaaaaaahhhh

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## onawheel

> You're singing our crazy talk song!!!!







<---!!!!!

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## Chantellabella

> I iz confused... :b




That's a good sign. You'll fit right in!  ::):

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## Chantellabella

> Because the world is round it turns me on Because the world is round...aaaaaahhhhhh
> 
> Because the wind is high it blows my mind Because the wind is high...aaaaaaaahhhh
> 
> Love is old, love is new Love is all, love is you
> 
> Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry Because the sky is blue...aaaaaaahhhh



Have you told the grass about this? I think they would want to know.

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## Chantellabella

> <---!!!!!




With visuals!!!! That's the best kind of crazy talk!!!

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## onawheel



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## Chantellabella

> 



Thank you Mr. Bear.  ::): 

Wanna hear something crazy????? I got one of those award thingys for Bingo and I have no clue what the heck I did. Now I have an award for BINGO!!! yes, Bingo. I've moved into the old lady club. And I still don't know what I did. Oh the humanity!!!!

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## onawheel

maybe it was for being the youngest bingo member! An award to be proud of B) *jealous* xP

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## Chantellabella

> maybe it was for being the youngest bingo member! An award to be proud of B) *jealous* xP



You're sweet, but I can't claim that. I'm going to hit senior citizen discount this month. I just didn't think it would come so quickly. First the Bingo, next people will be helping me cross the street.  Why oh why didn't I freeze myself in a cryogenic lab at age 20???

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## Sagan

Textiles are kickin' the argo again. I thought it was all secure. I guess not

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## Secretly Pretentious

> Sheeee's Baaaacccckkkk!!!!!! Our feng was not shuing without you! So much taxidermy to do, so little time. And there seems to be a lot of mod birds around here. Just in time for Thanksgiving!! 
> 
> Now we need the aliens and Atlanteans for it all to be complete. Where is that bizarre writer anyway??



I shall fetch him!





> I sure do. But I thought that was only a Dutch problem. Do you mean to tell me it spread to other countries????!!!! How could be possibly keep up with all the telethons? Did somebody alert the United Nations? This is definitely a job for the Atlanteans/space aliens. 
> 
> Maybe you could do a nice stuffed centerpiece for the luncheon.



The Dutch Conservation Project (DCP) was set up to increase the alarmingly low Dutch population. Boredom and giant head sucking spiders are the primary threats to this endangered population. (Remember poor Strwbrry?) Checking the population for prostate cancer was added to the DCP since it grew into such a worldwide epidemic. Therefore, I'm sure the United Nations are aware. However, I say we hold a UN meeting anyway because I'm really excited to do that Honey Badger centerpiece. I decided that the Honey Badger should be the intergalactic symbol of Earth.

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## Chantellabella

> Textiles are kickin' the argo again. I thought it was all secure. I guess not




Funny how the stock market sounds like crazy talk. I never realized that before.

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## Chantellabella

> I shall fetch him!



Yes, we must have our next installment. 







> The Dutch Conservation Project (DCP) was set up to increase the alarmingly low Dutch population. Boredom and giant head sucking spiders are the primary threats to this endangered population. (Remember poor Strwbrry?) Checking the population for prostate cancer was added to the DCP since it grew into such a worldwide epidemic. Therefore, I'm sure the United Nations are aware. However, I say we hold a UN meeting anyway because I'm really excited to do that Honey Badger centerpiece. I decided that the Honey Badger should be the intergalactic symbol of Earth.



Where is Strwbrry btw? We can't have a Dutch Conservation Project without Strwbrry. How could we possibly lose the whole clan? Our feng is so off shuing that the forum will start leaning. 

I agree. The Honey Badger centerpiece will look spiffy. Can we get a few stuffed mermaids? You know. In honor the whole Atlantean expo.

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## Daniel C

Okay then guys. I'm here, persuaded by severe pressure inflicted by Chantellabella's numerous agents. Next installments in the Antlantean extraterrestrial installment will follow shortly. In the meantime, I shall explore this new website. I hope being here does not mean I am expected to give up my *** account by the way. Even though the site has been taken over by corrupt individuals, I cannot part from it. Maybe I'm just weak. I don't know.
In order to enhance the amount of craziness in this post I shall now continue with a poem about aubergine I wrote:

*Aubergine*

To clarify: on vegetables I'm wondrously keen
they're healthy and they're tasty and they're beautifully green
but one of them is spoiling green goods’ image so serene
I mean the plant that goes under the name of aubergine.

There are people who treat it as a culinary queen
in French and Turkish kitchens it is rather often seen
it's also quite substantial in Italian cuisine
but none of those know the true nature of the aubergine.

Its gushy use of purple is impudently obscene
within its flesh looks putrefied and rotten and unclean
its taste resembles rubber that’s been dosed in gasoline
a summary description of this fruit the aubergine.

Perhaps you find my treatment of this food a little mean
but it’s been tormenting me for a year or seventeen 
I can only imagine how my childhood would have been
without this cunning malefactor known as aubergine.

I'd rather throw myself into a bottomless ravine
or in December jump into an open-air piscine
or endlessly repeat the chanson ‘Yellow Submarine’
than being locked up with only a pile of aubergine.

So all open your eyes now and abandon your routine
it’s time to see the truth that once too often goes unseen
and next time try a broccoli or just a kidney bean
instead of this infernal food, the monstrous aubergine!

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## Chantellabella

> Okay then guys. I'm here, persuaded by severe pressure inflicted by Chantellabella's numerous agents. Next installments in the Antlantean extraterrestrial installment will follow shortly. In the meantime, I shall explore this new website. I hope being here does not mean I am expected to give up my *** account by the way. Even though the site has been taken over by corrupt individuals, I cannot part from it. Maybe I'm just weak. I don't know.
> In order to enhance the amount of craziness in this post I shall now continue with a poem about aubergine I wrote:
> 
> *Aubergine*
> 
> To clarify: on vegetables I'm wondrously keen
> they're healthy and they're tasty and they're beautifully green
> but one of them is spoiling green goods’ image so serene
> I mean the plant that goes under the name of aubergine.
> ...



Look who made it!!!! Yay!!! We just couldn't crazy talk without you! No, you don't have to give up one forum for another. We need all the spies we can get.  ::):  Just kidding.

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## Chantellabella

> Okay then guys. I'm here, persuaded by severe pressure inflicted by Chantellabella's numerous agents. Next installments in the Antlantean extraterrestrial installment will follow shortly. In the meantime, I shall explore this new website. I hope being here does not mean I am expected to give up my *** account by the way. Even though the site has been taken over by corrupt individuals, I cannot part from it. Maybe I'm just weak. I don't know.
> In order to enhance the amount of craziness in this post I shall now continue with a poem about aubergine I wrote:
> 
> *Aubergine*
> 
> To clarify: on vegetables I'm wondrously keen
> they're healthy and they're tasty and they're beautifully green
> but one of them is spoiling green goods’ image so serene
> I mean the plant that goes under the name of aubergine.
> ...



But does it go with red or white wine?

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## RawrJessiRawr

I once seen a purple sky, my friend cried while the other swore the goat besides us said a word. I asked her "if it did what did the kind sir say" she said "it said run away" but hey its a goat so should we stay or go the other way? that is my question today

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## Chantellabella

> I once seen a purple sky, my friend cried while the other swore the goat besides us said a word. I asked her "if it did what did the kind sir say" she said "it said run away" but hey its a goat so should we stay or go the other way? that is my question today



Let's see (if you want my opinion, of course). The first thing I would ask is whether your friends were drunk. If not, then I would tend to go with what the goat said. I personally know a lot of talking goats and in my experience, they have always been a reliable source. Yes, there are the one or two goats who will lie through their horns. Perhaps he saw a ripe clover next to you three and wanted you all to move off the patch. But generally goats have good character traits............. stubbornness being one of them. And since they are so stubborn, I suspect that if you don't move, the goat may nag you relentlessly until you do. 

I'll have to do more research to give an informed opinion however.

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## Daniel C

*Part 18*

*Previously on the bizarre story that is yet to have a name*

_Following a trail of bizarre phenomena, I, Daniel C, have discovered the long lost city of Atlantis, hereby aided by a French girl whose birth village has been ravaged by savage flying fish. The Atlantean Queen, Azalia VII, tells us about the decline of Atlantis, which was apparently caused by some species of telepathetic tea-loving extraterrestrials aiming to subjugate the planet earth by means of seven crystal orbs. There is still hope left, however, since the Atlanteans managed to save their city and hide away one of the orbs. However, facebook founder and main antagonist Mark Zuckerberg, working for the extraterrestrials, has followed our trail and landed in Atlantis as well. I have just fallen out of grace with my French companion because of a trivial issue not further to be specified, when Zuckerberg emerges in the castle garden, filling me and the French girl with utter amazement._

***

The three of us are captured inside yet another orb, this one not visible but all the more sensible, consisting of a strange magnetic tension that connects us like atomic particles. Nobody dares to disturb the tension by speaking a word, and thus the mysterious forces work on, pulling our hearts in an unfamiliar direction. As if we are puppets. But as the minutes part, I feel something strange. It is a sense of detachment. As if the bond between Mark Zuckerberg and my French companion is too strong for me to partake, as if I'm being excluded. But exactly this feeling gives me the strength to open my mouth.
"Aren't you Mark Zuckerberg? The founder of facebook? I'd like to ask you something. I've been given the request to delete the account of someone's sister-in-law. She uses it for the forces of evil rather than good. Her name - the person who requested it, not the sister in law - calls herself 'Chantellabella', lives in Texas and likes kayaking. Is that enough information?"
Zuckerberg looks at me as if I am a yellow diving beetle. I realise that might not have been the most clever opening line. I shake my head and say: "I'm sorry, what was I thinking? I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Daniel C." I wonder if I should walk over to him to shake his hand, but for some reason I stay standing where I am, some metres behind the French girl.
Zuckerberg nods so slowly you could hardly recognise the gesture as nodding. Then his glance shoves back to my mermaidish companion. 
"What do are you doing here?" I had imagined Zuckerberg's voice to be entirely different. In reality it is soft and discrete, like cotton.
"I could ask you the same question."
"Why did you leave me? You could have become the richest woman of the world... well, of France in any case."
"Why did you lie to me?"
I've got the feeling I'm missing something, but for some reason I feel it would be most prudent to keep my mouth shut right now.
"How do you mean, lied to you?"
The French girl sniffs in a way that is filled of uncompromising disdain. "I'm not stupid, Mark. We were a close community. She told me."
"Who are you talking about?"
"The diving girl. She told me all about you. We concluded you were not worth it. Why else would you tell me that I was the only one?"
"Listen, I can explain."
"No need to explain, Mark. J'ai compris tout."
At this point I can no longer constrain myself. "Could someone please inform me what is going on?"
"Mark here," the French girl says, without turning around, "is a player. I told you about my father's restaurant, didn't I? There were a lot of tourists - mainly Russian, but also Dutch, German... and American."
"You don't possibly mean?"
"I do. Mark and I first made love in the barn where the mackerel was stored. After that, he visited me every evening after work. I should have known better. When I learned he was cheating on me, I left him. I didn't show up on the night he wanted to take me on this cruise. Did you enjoy the cruise, Mark? How many young women did you score on the way?"
Zuckerberg fiercely shakes his head. "Listen, I'm sorry. I should have been honest with you. But it's done now. We can't change it anymore. So remains the question: what are you doing here?"
"You know, some days after you left on your cruise, our village was ravaged. By flying fish. I could do nothing but flee onto the ocean. And this chap behind me was kind enough to pick me up. How about that?"
The blue eyes of Mark Zuckerberg are muddled by a stain of contemplation. "Flying fish, you say? You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."
"Oh yeah, of course I am. My village destroyed by flying fish, the inhabitants slaughtered, what a joke, hahaha." That last word sounds a bit strange due to her incapacity to pronounce the letter 'h'.
"But that can't... I mean... I thought I could only command humans."
Another silence occurs, in which everyone expects everyone else to say something. I decide to break the deadlock. "What do you mean, mister Zuckerberg? Only command humans?"
"Uhm... Nothing, really. Just uhm... thinking by myself. So, Daniel. I have been looking for you. But first, tell me how you have managed to find this place."
"It's a long story, sir. I could explain, but it would take eons of time. You know, it has cost me 17 seperate parts to describe it to this point, so that should give you an impression of how long it would take."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Mark Zuckerberg ex-girlfriend, also functioning as my companion, says sneeringly: "Yeah, that's a hobby of him. Letting innocent people figure in some weird internet blog or something. Don't pay attention to that, he's just a weirdo."
"Uhm... right." Zuckerberg looks confused. "I'm not sure what all of this is about, but it doesn't really matter. Let's just precede to the action part." And out of his back pocket, he pulls out a gun. "Water proof. 2 mm bullet. I'm sorry, Daniel, but you just were present at the wrong time, at the wrong place. Consider yourself to be a sacrifice for the greater good. Do you have any last words?"
In the movies this part always looks more spectacular. Maybe that is because when watching movies I am not overtaken by a wave of panic, that puts all panic I've ever felt before in the shade. My mind rattles like a machine. Finally, what will presumably be my last words run out onto my tongue.

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## Chantellabella

> *Part 18*
> 
> *Previously on the bizarre story that is yet to have a name*
> 
> _Following a trail of bizarre phenomena, I, Daniel C, have discovered the long lost city of Atlantis, hereby aided by a French girl whose birth village has been ravaged by savage flying fish. The Atlantean Queen, Azalia VII, tells us about the decline of Atlantis, which was apparently caused by some species of telepathetic tea-loving extraterrestrials aiming to subjugate the planet earth by means of seven crystal orbs. There is still hope left, however, since the Atlanteans managed to save their city and hide away one of the orbs. However, facebook founder and main antagonist Mark Zuckerberg, working for the extraterrestrials, has followed our trail and landed in Atlantis as well. I have just fallen out of grace with my French companion because of a trivial issue not further to be specified, when Zuckerberg emerges in the castle garden, filling me and the French girl with utter amazement._
> 
> ***
> 
> The three of us are captured inside yet another orb, this one not visible but all the more sensible, consisting of a strange magnetic tension that connects us like atomic particles. Nobody dares to disturb the tension by speaking a word, and thus the mysterious forces work on, pulling our hearts in an unfamiliar direction. As if we are puppets. But as the minutes part, I feel something strange. It is a sense of detachment. As if the bond between Mark Zuckerberg and my French companion is too strong for me to partake, as if I'm being excluded. But exactly this feeling gives me the strength to open my mouth.
> ...



Oh no!!! Duck Daniel!! Don't let Facebook guy kill you!!! Let the French Girl take the bullet! They're the ones quarreling anyway. 

And thanks for trying about the whole sister-in-law Facebook thing. Hey!! Maybe we can get Mark to shoot her!! Or at least her hands so she can't type anymore.

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## Secretly Pretentious

> Where is Strwbrry btw? We can't have a Dutch Conservation Project without Strwbrry. How could we possibly lose the whole clan? Our feng is so off shuing that the forum will start leaning. 
> 
> I agree. The Honey Badger centerpiece will look spiffy. Can we get a few stuffed mermaids? You know. In honor the whole Atlantean expo.



Didn't her head get sucked up by a giant spider? I thought that's how the DCP got started up. I think she was revived shortly afterwards but I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. Regardless, she still never continued her story. Pissed me off. I was really getting into it.

Considering that the Earth is 70% water or something like that, it only makes sense to honor our marine brothers and sisters. After Daniel C is finished saving Atlantis and the rest of the world from the aliens plus Mark Zuckerberg, I'm sure he'll bring back a mermaid body for me to memorialize. I predict a pretty epic battle. I can't imagine how there wouldn't be any mermaid casualties.  





> Okay then guys. I'm here, persuaded by severe pressure inflicted by Chantellabella's numerous agents. Next installments in the Antlantean extraterrestrial installment will follow shortly.



He caved! He caved! We are victorious! The story continues.  :: 





> Oh no!!! Duck Daniel!! Don't let Facebook guy kill you!!! Let the French Girl take the bullet! They're the ones quarreling anyway.



Yeah, I agree. She's been pretty mean to him, even before she found out she was just a fictional character in his story.

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## Daniel C

> Oh no!!! Duck Daniel!! Don't let Facebook guy kill you!!! Let the French Girl take the bullet! They're the ones quarreling anyway.







> Yeah, I agree. She's been pretty mean to him, even before she found out she was just a fictional character in his story.



I think you are judging her too hard. She has had it very hard. What would you do when your home village would be ravaged by blood thirsty flying fish, and you would consequently be drawn into a crazy and dangerous adventure, and if that weren't enough someone tells you you're only a character in a fictional story. I can definitely understand her motives, she's just suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome. I need to make sure she makes it true this story safe, it's the least I can do for her. But we'll see.





> Didn't her head get sucked up by a giant spider? I thought that's how the DCP got started up. I think she was revived shortly afterwards but I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. Regardless, she still never continued her story. Pissed me off. I was really getting into it.



Yeah, I was also rather disappointed. It was a very promising story, and at least it wasn't as far-fetched as mine. I think she was revived by some magic powder by the way, but I don't remember exactly where she got it. But maybe that scared her so much she blew off the rest of the story for once. 





> Considering that the Earth is 70% water or something like that, it only makes sense to honor our marine brothers and sisters. After Daniel C is finished saving Atlantis and the rest of the world from the aliens plus Mark Zuckerberg, I'm sure he'll bring back a mermaid body for me to memorialize. I predict a pretty epic battle. I can't imagine how there wouldn't be any mermaid casualties.



I'll do my best, but I haven't encountered any mermaids so far so I don't know if I'll manage to get one's body. We must also remember the UN officially denies the existance of mermaids. Yeah, I know, but maybe it's best not to provoke them and just play along their strange fantasies. I'm sure they have their motives. It's probably some kind of conspiracy which I'm not yet totally aware of.

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## Chantellabella

> Didn't her head get sucked up by a giant spider? I thought that's how the DCP got started up. I think she was revived shortly afterwards but I don't remember how. It was a long time ago. Regardless, she still never continued her story. Pissed me off. I was really getting into it.



True. Maybe we should lure her here with some vowels. Even though she feels they're over rated, she may eventually come around to the dark side of grammar. 





> Considering that the Earth is 70% water or something like that, it only makes sense to honor our marine brothers and sisters. After Daniel C is finished saving Atlantis and the rest of the world from the aliens plus Mark Zuckerberg, I'm sure he'll bring back a mermaid body for me to memorialize. I predict a pretty epic battle. I can't imagine how there wouldn't be any mermaid casualties.



You know, I was thinking the same thing. And not only do stuffed mermaids make great statues in parks, but they probably can double as nifty clothes hangers. 





> He caved! He caved! We are victorious! The story continues.



Great work agent Secretly Pretentious! Not only do you create the best taxidermy artwork, but you probably have a future as a public speaker. Perhaps, even a politician. 





> Yeah, I agree. She's been pretty mean to him, even before she found out she was just a fictional character in his story.



Yes, but I have to feel for her. She was defriended by the maker of Facebook. That just had to hurt.

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## Chantellabella

> I think you are judging her too hard. She has had it very hard. What would you do when your home village would be ravaged by blood thirsty flying fish, and you would consequently be drawn into a crazy and dangerous adventure, and if that weren't enough someone tells you you're only a character in a fictional story. I can definitely understand her motives, she's just suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome. I need to make sure she makes it true this story safe, it's the least I can do for her. But we'll see.



But she didn't even give you a chance to explain! I know. I guess we should be nicer. *looks down in shame* It just seems that mermaids would be used to flying fish slamming into their houses. Sort of like birds hitting building windows. It's inevitable. 





> Yeah, I was also rather disappointed. It was a very promising story, and at least it wasn't as far-fetched as mine. I think she was revived by some magic powder by the way, but I don't remember exactly where she got it. But maybe that scared her so much she blew off the rest of the story for once.



Perhaps we should get Secretly Pretentious to sneak back in, kidnap her and drag her here. It worked for you!  ::):  






> I'll do my best, but I haven't encountered any mermaids so far so I don't know if I'll manage to get one's body. We must also remember the UN officially denies the existence of mermaids. Yeah, I know, but maybe it's best not to provoke them and just play along their strange fantasies. I'm sure they have their motives. It's probably some kind of conspiracy which I'm not yet totally aware of.



I would be worried that the space aliens might see us as provoking a war. I'd sure hate to wake up one morning and find out I'd been vaporized.

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## Secretly Pretentious

> I think you are judging her too hard. She has had it very hard. What would you do when your home village would be ravaged by blood thirsty flying fish, and you would consequently be drawn into a crazy and dangerous adventure, and if that weren't enough someone tells you you're only a character in a fictional story. I can definitely understand her motives, she's just suffering from a post-traumatic stress syndrome. I need to make sure she makes it true this story safe, it's the least I can do for her. But we'll see.



Yeah that's true. But I remember you warning her that she would have an epic adventure if she went with you. If she wasn't up for any epic adventures, she should have declined your offer instead of acting pissy every step of the way. 







> Yeah, I was also rather disappointed. It was a very promising story, and at least it wasn't as far-fetched as mine. I think she was revived by some magic powder by the way, but I don't remember exactly where she got it. But maybe that scared her so much she blew off the rest of the story for once.







> Perhaps we should get Secretly Pretentious to sneak back in, kidnap her and drag her here. It worked for you!



I should, although I don't think she'd be willing to continue her story. She hadn't visited the Crazy Talk thread in a very long time. I'd be surprised if she wasn't already here under a different username. She's very well liked so I can't imagine why others wouldn't have tried recruiting her already.







> I'll do my best, but I haven't encountered any mermaids so far so I don't know if I'll manage to get one's body. We must also remember the UN officially denies the existance of mermaids. Yeah, I know, but maybe it's best not to provoke them and just play along their strange fantasies. I'm sure they have their motives. It's probably some kind of conspiracy which I'm not yet totally aware of.









> Great work agent Secretly Pretentious! Not only do you create the best taxidermy artwork, but you probably have a future as a public speaker. Perhaps, even a politician.



 ::

----------


## Chantellabella

How many Christmas trees does it take to change a light bulb.


Oh wait. 


I think I did that backwards.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just saw your status!! LOL!!

----------


## Daniel C

I open my mouth in order to speak what are hopefully not my last words. "You know, Mr. Zuckerberg, that I am Dutch?"
"No, I didn't. But I don't see what that's got to do with anything."
"Well, without the Dutch, facebook would never have existed."
"What kind of nonsense is that. I would have been perfectly able to found facebook without your puny country. Where are you anyway? Somewhere between France and Germany, right?"
"It is true, though. Just watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7ZizDguxJA It explains everything. So you should be very grateful towards the Dutch. Not killing me is the least you could do."
The wrinkles in Zuckerberg's forehead indicate he is about to lose his temper. "Jesus, I may be hyperintelligent but I don't have a photographic memory. You really expect me to remember that entire URL link?"
"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I can write it out if you like."
"Save yourself the effort. This crazy talk has lasted more than long enough. If you don't have anything more interesting to say, it is time you meet your maker."
I start to see my escape effort is probably not working. I see the metal gun, around which Zuckerberg's slightly trembling hand is pinched like a constrictor. I see the surreal, cyan light spiral down all around me. I see the dismay that shines out of both eyes of the French girl. After a while, I can see nothing but that dismay.
"Wait!" I squeak. "I want to know one thing. Are you going to kill her too?"
Zuckerberg is silent for a moment. Then a sardonic smile traverses his face. 
"Ah, love; a dreadful bond, and yet, so easily severed. Tell me..."
"Davy Jones."
"What?"
"You're quoting Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Please keep the dialogues in this story original, or we'll all get sued for copyright infringement."
For the first time, Zuckerberg's face seems to show some disarray. "Uhm, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I meant..."
"And I'm not in love. She's just a character while I'm the writer, it would never work up between us. I only feel... responsible."
"Right! Well, then it will please you that I am not going to shoot her. But of course, she can't wonder freely over the planet any longer, she knows too much. But I think I might have a nice occupation for her at my private estate back in Palo Alto. Don't worry about her, lad. So, enough idle gossip. I think we have reached the climax of this episode. Close your eyes, if you like. I'll count to three."
I look at my companion; her dismay has been replaced by fear. For some strange reason, my own mind seems to ease down, as if my anguish as sipped into her body.
"One."
I close my eyes because the last thing I want to see before I die are the cloudy lowlands of the Netherlands, that, at this strange moment, I miss more than I'd ever thought possible.
"Two."
It rains in the Netherlands, with a certitude I have never felt before I know that it rains in the Netherlands at this very moment. And the only thing I'd want is to feel the rain on my face one more time, but all I can do is wait for the three to pierce my heart, or my head. And then, I realise something, something important, something crucial. But I have no time to finish my thought, because I hear the sound of a soft 'Pang'. For one moment I think I am dead. Then I open my eyes and see I am not. Mar Zuckerberg is lying in the sand with his arms clasped at the backside of his head, behind stands the fossilised hotelier with a broken bottleneck in his hand.
"The Queen, May She Live Eternally, contacted me to say you were in danger. She shouldn't have waited one more moment, I see."
He picks up the gun and looks at it with fascination. "What is this?" he asks.
"No time to explain. You've saved my life, sir - well, my fictional life, but still - and I owe you eternal gratitude. But I need to go now. I have a mission to fulfill. Please take care of this scoundrel. Will you come with me?"
The French girl nods, she still looks terrified, like she can't believe what just happened. "You're still alive," she whispers. "I had my eyes closed, and when the bottle came down I thought..."
"Of course not," I taunt, "I am the writer and protagonist of this story. We still have some episodes to go. How could they ever been fulfilled without me? It's time to go."
"Go again? To where this time?"
"To Barcelona, lady. The city of angels."

----------


## Chantellabella

> I open my mouth in order to speak what are hopefully not my last words. "You know, Mr. Zuckerberg, that I am Dutch?"
> "No, I didn't. But I don't see what that's got to do with anything."
> "Well, without the Dutch, facebook would never have existed."
> "What kind of nonsense is that. I would have been perfectly able to found facebook without your puny country. Where are you anyway? Somewhere between France and Germany, right?"
> "It is true, though. Just watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7ZizDguxJA It explains everything. So you should be very grateful towards the Dutch. Not killing me is the least you could do."
> The wrinkles in Zuckerberg's forehead indicate he is about to lose his temper. "Jesus, I may be hyperintelligent but I don't have a photographic memory. You really expect me to remember that entire URL link?"
> "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I can write it out if you like."
> "Save yourself the effort. This crazy talk has lasted more than long enough. If you don't have anything more interesting to say, it is time you meet your maker."
> I start to see my escape effort is probably not working. I see the metal gun, around which Zuckerberg's slightly trembling hand is pinched like a constrictor. I see the surreal, cyan light spiral down all around me. I see the dismay that shines out of both eyes of the French girl. After a while, I can see nothing but that dismay.
> ...




 ::   You got the bad guy and even defended a copyright law!!!! My hero!!!!! 

But next time, when somebody hits Facebook guy, could you make it for good? If nobody's driving the Facebook train, my sister-in-law would have to take up knitting or something and that would be spiffy!

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh and somehow I knew the Dutch were behind Facebook. I'm kinda feeling we should withdraw the DCP now.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, Spongebob Squarepants will be the only program on every channel 24/7.

News at 11:00

----------


## Daniel C

> In the interest of mankind, Spongebob Squarepants will be the only program on every channel 24/7.
> 
> News at 11:00



Nooo! Not Spongebob Squarepants! Anything but Spongebob Squarepants. I can take Oprah Winfrey. I can take Dr. Who. I can even take the Simpsons. But I cannot take Spongebob Squarepants. My whole life I've been resisting the overwhelming prevalence of Spongebob Squarepants. I beg you... I wouldn't survive. And then I wouldn't be able to finish my story. Have mercy. I'm desperate.



(^ Picture of a desperate person)

----------


## Chantellabella

> Nooo! Not Spongebob Squarepants! Anything but Spongebob Squarepants. I can take Oprah Winfrey. I can take Dr. Who. I can even take the Simpsons. But I cannot take Spongebob Squarepants. My whole life I've been resisting the overwhelming prevalence of Spongebob Squarepants. I beg you... I wouldn't survive. And then I wouldn't be able to finish my story. Have mercy. I'm desperate.
> 
> 
> (^ Picture of a desperate person)




Did you ask for a Spongebob Squarepants Road Trip song??? I thought you did. Here you go! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am9C80ItWMQ

----------


## Daniel C

::s: hock:



(^ Picture of fainted person)

----------


## Skippy

I've been crazy for so long, it's normal. D:

----------


## Trendsetter

> Nooo! Not Spongebob Squarepants! Anything but Spongebob Squarepants. I can take Oprah Winfrey. I can take Dr. Who. I can even take the Simpsons. But I cannot take Spongebob Squarepants. My whole life I've been resisting the overwhelming prevalence of Spongebob Squarepants. I beg you... I wouldn't survive. And then I wouldn't be able to finish my story. Have mercy. I'm desperate.
> 
> 
> 
> (^ Picture of a desperate person)



I agree, that's probably the worst show of all time lol

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh that was just crazy talk.  ::):  


The reeeeallllll 24/7 show is Power Rangers.

----------


## Daniel C

Thank you for that. I don't know Power Rangers but they cannot possibly be as bad as SS (it can't be coincidence that the abbreviation of Spongebob Squarepants is the same as that of the Schutzstaffel). Long live Power Rangers!  :Celebrate: 

N.B. I'm sorry for bringing a Godwin to the crazy talk thread. But then, it was inevitable.

----------


## Chantellabella

As long as it wasn't Oprah, then we're saved.

----------


## Daniel C

"Where are we heading to?" she gasps, her endurance noticably put to the test by my spectacular fictional condition.
"I told you! Barcelona!"
"How do you ever want to get there?"
We hurry through the crumbling streets that look exactly the same as six days ago, and at the same moment, totally different. The direction we're heading in is totally random, but as long as we keep moving we must reach the edge of the orb sooner or later.
"How? With dolphins of course! I'll send out my thoughts to the queen. She managed to sendus those dolphins when we were in the middle of the Mediterranean, so this should be no problem for her."
We turn around a corner but what awaits is just another cluster of half perished alleys. Still, we just keep running.
"Daniel..."
"Yeah?"
"Uhm... when he was about to shot you I realised... uhm... I realised that I shouldn't have called you a weirdo. You're an eccentric, but not a weirdo. I'm uhm..."
"Sorry?"
"Well, not all the way to sorry. I just thought, uhm... I should let you know my formulation could have been slightly more appropriate."
"Thank you. But maybe it's not the right moment for exchanging apologies."
"I didn't say I was making you an apology."
"Whatever."
I can now clearly see one of the sides of the orb coming closer. We descend a long stairway, wriggle our way through some more alleys, and then, suddenly, feel our feet sink away in a deep layer of soft sand that stretches all the way to the edge of the shield. "Atlantis Beach," a musseled sign says, "please do not swim when the red flag is hoisted." To my relief, there is no red flag to be seen. In fact, the entire beach makes a slightly unattended impression. The only parasol that is still standing does so because it is encapsulated by a cocoon of extinct shellfish.
"I see no dolphins, Daniel."
"Let's give her some time. Maybe the dolphins are currently collecting a passenger on the other side of the Mediterranean."
We sit down in the sand, since the beach chairs look like sitting in them would be equal to signing your death penalty. A tense silence follows, in which I am remembered that, despite everything, I still have social anxiety. After some time I gather the courage to defy the cyan repose that surrounds us.
"You know, you're not the only one to apo... uhm, I mean, apply corrections in their previous behaviour. You know, I should have been honest with you eons ago. I mean... this entire story and all..."
The silence is stronger than my words. I break off.
"You know, Daniel. When they shot you - I mean, when I thought they shot you, I had my eyes closed. And then, when I opened them again and I saw Mark lying in the dirt with that old man behind him... just to say... that sight was totally worth it. Worth everything we've gone through so far."
"You know, it's almost over. When we're in Barcelona you can just take the train to... uhm... well..."
The cyan air takes on a painful semblance.
"I have nowhere to go, Daniel. So I'll stick with you. Out of necessity. Daniel, when Mark was talking about me, and the fish, what do you think..."
"I've been thinking about that as well. While we were running, I mean. Obviously Mark works for the aliens. The extraterrestrials, I mean. He got the mission to shoot me so that no one would learn about the extraterrestrials' scheme. Which means... You know, maybe he took over the role of the Atlanteans. The orbs... they grant Infinite Powers to all that possess them. Maybe he... I don't says he did it on purpose, but maybe his anger for you found its way to the fish that were... you know..."
"So it wasn't your fault after all. But then, what are we to do? The extraterrestrials will sure find another way."
I look right in front of me and in my eyes flickers a light of absolute determination. With a deep, echoing voice, I say: "We must stop them. We shall stop them."
"But in what way?"
"Well... at the moment that I was all but shot I remembered something. I was in Barcelona before, six days ago. I actually just came from Barcelona when I met you. Anyway, when I was there, I accidently ended up in a building somewhere along the Ramblas. And in that building I saw things... terrible things... the leaders of the world, reduced to puppets by the power of an infernal object."
"An orb? You think one of the orbs is in Barcelona?"
"I don't remember exactly. But I don't... it must have been an orb, yes. And I thought, if we can get our hands on it, then we might, I don't know..."
"That's your plan? Let the dolphins take us to Barcelona, take the Orb of Doom, and hope some metaphysical wonder appears? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be... it just seems there isn't a lot of hope for us."
"Hope? There never was much hope. Only a fool's hope." I am not concerned with copyright anymore. I survived an assassination attempt, I will be able to survive a charge for author's rights' infringement.
At that moment, however, my thoughts are stopped at the sight of some streamlined creatures looming from the distance. "The dolphins," I say, and I rise up from the sand. But as I walk towards the edge, I suddenly stop. The creatures that are coming closer are no dolphins.

----------


## Chantellabella

Great installment Daniel C!   :Snack:  I love the hint of romance. Darn that SA!! Have courage to tell her you're falling for her. I know she feels the same way. 

Ok. Now I'm waiting for what's coming ashore!

----------


## Daniel C

> Great installment Daniel C!   I love the hint of romance. Darn that SA!! Have courage to tell her you're falling for her. I know she feels the same way. 
> 
> Ok. Now I'm waiting for what's coming ashore!



Uhm... I'm afraid it would be a bit pathetic to declare my love to a fictional character. Or maybe I could only declare my fictional love. But I don't know if that would really help the story forward. Hmm... I'll see.

----------


## Ironman

The bear to the north drinks alone.

----------


## Chantellabella

Unless it's a Tuesday. I think it's only the bears to the south on that day. 

I might have to check Wiki on that one.

----------


## Chantellabella

For those who have not experienced the whole crazy talk syndrome................ bringing back the oldies

I wish Daniel C would go get his entire story and post it here. And we need Secretly Prententious's entire taxidermy business story here also. Then our Crazy Talk will be fully understood. Blossom had some amazing crazy talk also. We need to form some Crazy Talk alliance here. Vow to never make sense.......ever!!! and RawrJessiRawr and so many other great crazy talkers. 

In the interest of humanity, humanity will be suspended until further notice.

Kumquats are the pox of humanity


I spy a bugger in my eye

I eat spongecake, therefore I am

Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again.

Ok first of all. Did they honestly think a horse had the thumbs to use a glue stick?

picture a kumquat
small
insecure
hoping to find love in the jello bowl


what do you get if you cross a water buffalo and a tiny yellow bubble??






seriously

i dont know


i was hoping you would



picture a man
licking and envelope

youve entered



the TWILIGHT ZONE!!!


the opposite of busy is


ysub


im sorry
im ysub


oh

thats ok

im ysub too

is that painful???

yes

im going to have it removed



nananathriller!!!! ninuna!!!nnakkannninnannnnanna nnaanathriller!!!!

my body lies over the ocean
my body lies over the sea
my body lies over the ocean
so bring back my body to me


huh?


peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked

i just said that!!!

geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????

my body lies over the ocean
my body lies over the sea
my body lies over the ocean
so bring back my body to me


huh?


peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked

i just said that!!!

geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????

beam me up scotboy! my toupee has fleas and it needs a bath!!


dust bunnies talked to me

they told me stories about vacuum cleaners

scary stories


one time a vacuum cleaner ate a whole family of dust bunnies at one time!!!!

it was mass murder


when you yawn do you breath in or out?

i cant remember

i had a bunny

her name was dust bunny


for real




open shut them
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap

open shut them
open shut them
put them in your lap

creep them
creep them
creep them
creep them
right up to your chin

open up your little mouth
but do not let them in

no wonder kids are terrifed of storytime

people think lemons are bad
i beg to differ


its the cantaloupes that are ruining the world




pickles in the morning
olives for the night
lavender smells pretty
on truckers who merge right



this just in


the color red has been changed due to the economy shortages

it will now be considered blue


news at 11

so what IS tofu?

is it something we find between our toes?



i started to realize something but i got caught up in all the realization and realized it was useless to realize the realization. REALLY!


I'm randomly random in a random sort of way


nanananana

nanannan

nanananana


nananananana

OLE!!

i love you
you love me
were a happy family
with a great big hug
and a kiss from me to you
wont you say 
you love me too

oh wait!! gotta barf! hold that thought

i got asparagus tips!!!! and liver!!! 


1 + 1 = 485920202393575757 in an alternate universe


flaming flamingo tips batman!!!



do you ever listen closely to wash boards? they gossip about the ironing board.

primal scream therapy IS fun!!


i thought i was until i realized i was only thinking i was in a strange and unreliable moment of my wasness 


does anybody need a bus schedule to munchkinland?



captain!!!!!!!!

i spot a klingon war bird headed in our direction!!!!!!


quick sulu!!!!!!

get the big patio window out and ready

spock!!!!
did you get those ears checked for airspace clearance yet???




uhura!!
get that stick out your ear already!!

its just downright nasty looking!

somebody!

get uhura a baby wipe to clean that thing off!!

chekov!!!!

quick!!

loan me your toupee! 

mine doesnt have an accent!



expendable ensign number 2 in red shirt!!!

the commercials coming!!

die quickly!!

sir!!!!!

its babylon 5!!!!!

torpedos ready!!!!




holy moley!!!!!!
i dropped the toe smell atomizer cream!!!!



captain!!! there are munchkins armed with jello molds off the starboard bow!! orders captain???!!!!

load the full ton torpedoes!

should we fire captain??


wait for it
wait for it

fire!!!!

pffwwererrwatfffssssssmmmmmna..................


sir the torpedoes didnt fire


oh wait!! on screen!

bill cosby appears 

he says

i asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook

ok ok!!! 


i give up

the jello mold wins!!!!

ball point pens sneeze blue snot


why oh why cant we all lick an envelope???



hotdogs have no life 

its so sad




much is the conundrum of discontent

but i digress

auntie em!! auntie em!!!!

where is uncle oh? where is uncle oh?




oh what i would give for a slice of cheese whiz


cant SOMEBODY get that text message????!!!!

this just in

a satellite reported that a man picking his nose can be seen from outer space



lets juggle machetes and see what happens!! 



Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra!
Gay your life must be

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gum drops he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
Leave some there for me

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Counting all the monkeys he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
That's not a monkey that's me

Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be 



is it just me or does this rodent seem to have issues????


im melting
im melting

quick!!

get the flying monkeys to get a straw and a napkin!!!

i must go pick the lint from between my toes 


its a dirty job but somebody has to do it


i mean


since the toe lint elves went on strike



i miss the elves 


wait!!!

do you hear it???

the nasal rattle of tens of thousands of people with colds

wormhole suckage commence!!!

i seem to have lost my presence of mind


let me go get my metal detector



if you hold a cats tail does its head wag?


i totally did not know there was 500 lbs of powder in my back seat officer!!!



what is blue
has racing stripes
and sings show tunes?



believe me

you dont wanna know

once again i am offended by my own offensiveness


let me go offend myself for my offense



ranch dressing tastes like horses

cool ranch dressing tastes like horses with raybans


kumquats hate lucy ricardo
its true!!!!

i read it in the enquirer


a bucket of snot…..

what goes with red wine?

correct!!!! for 600 points



ive dined with klingons

ive tried to slow the rotation of the earth before

i failed


your reading skills scored a C-

better luck next time

i went to the grocery

they were all out of money

damn!!!

red hot chili peppers

what is a colon cleanse?

correct! for 300 points!


you know those olives that have been watching me???

one of them snuck outta the jar last night and climbed onto my pillow. 

i opened my eyes and there it was breathing its pimento breath all over me

i screamed!!!!! 

it got so scared it fell off the pillow and rolled under the bed.

but that was even scarier because NOW IT WAS UNDER MY BED!!!!!

so i called 911 and told them i had a stalker under my bed.

the cops busted in my door with guns ready.

i said ITS UNDER MY BED!!!!! 

they started shooting 20s 40s M80s

they got it

right in the pimento

i have its remains mounted on my mantel

reality is not what its cracked up to be


pirates ate my watermelon

i think it was over ripe

they said arrrggg

telescopes have feelings too

i suppose when life gives you lemons you make lemonade

how about if i just suck the lemon juice out and throw the rinds at people


that would fun



and positive

----------


## Chantellabella

pppppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssfffffffffffffff fffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now you have spit all over you


1 + 1 equals the square root of nothingness exceeded by only a fraction of yummy and creamy


first you take the peanuts and you crunch em you crunch em
then you take the grapes and squoosh em you squoosh em
then you take the bread and you spread it you spread it



HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!



did you wash your hands cause i have NO CLUE where them crunching and squooshing hands been


i have no circumference



a + b = c when the moon rises across cincinnati in the spring on a tuesday

otherwise it = d


kentucky fried chicken gave me chicken pox


ill sue!!!!



i wasnt sure about the crawfish until i asked it


who decided that itch was a good word???


when you feel something bothering you you should call it a phlurgle splot


it just sounds itchier

then you could say


hand me my phlurgle splot eradicator


if you say phlurgle splot eradicator 5 times really fast it says

foejaljdlfjdlre;kna;kjeejrewjajfreerewjrelwjrelwjr ewlrjewjrljlajjoeoieor3rqkndkngkgjapowfoawjrpoqwru 4o5


lets all go to munchkinland!!

1) pick up a string
2) tie the string around your big toe
3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
4) wait



if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
then put both of them on top a cheese cube
then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad


well 



you got lunch!!



i told myself 
that it wasnt myself
but then i argued with myself
on account of myself


stupid myself 

i wasnt ready



finding belly button lint is my hobby



my liver itches



wont you be my neighbor??? 



NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!

1) pick up a string
2) tie the string around your big toe
3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
4) wait



if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
then put both of them on top a cheese cube
then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad


well 



you got lunch!!



i told myself 
that it wasnt myself
but then i argued with myself
on account of myself


stupid myself 

i wasnt ready



finding belly button lint is my hobby



my liver itches



wont you be my neighbor??? 



NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!

i had it captain!!!!


it was right there in the palm of my hand!!!!



a klingon bugger!!!!




unfortunately it got away

oh no captain!!!!! the enemy has us in his tractor beam!



hailing frequency




on screen




greetings earthling...........................

you have made me very very angry


quick!!!


arm the torpedo tube!!!!



we dont have any torpedos left sir!!!



here!!!


take this kiwi


hes been gaseous!!! 


brilliant captain!!! chemical warfare!!!!


the kiwi got stuck in the tube captain!



here!!! take this cow and see if he can blow him out the jeffries tube


the kiw passed out from the cow’s breath captain. he had too much coffee this morning.


well do something man!!!!! 


the enemy is arming his weapons!!!!



shields up!!!!!!


hes fired sir!!!!



*shaking shaking shaking ensign #2 falls to floor captain leans to the left leans to the right of his chair deanna falls to the floor in a graceful swoon data yells captain!!! theyre attacking!!!




give me raisins

sorry commercial break

my cell phone is ringing!!!!! oh!!!! the humanity!!!!!!!!!



good



it stopped





kinda creepy how it does that



why does mr rogers need running shoes and a sweater in his house?



if only i had a brain/heart/courage/lots of money and a yacht



if you lick a lollipop kid do you go to jail?



a house dropped on my cat.

a girl and a dog got out.

the girl said well hi im dorothy. And ewwwww oh im sorry.


i shot her.



the end.



hi ho hi ho its off to work we go


doesnt snow white get pissed that the dwarfs keep calling her a ho?

i just want to know one thing.


how can cinderellas shoe size be THAT different from everybody in the land. i mean if its that bizarre where does she buy shoes?


and another thing.


dont ya think its a bit odd that rumplestiltskin wanted a baby? seems like the chick coulda called cps or something.



oh toto 

theres no place like home




captain!!!! theres something up ahead

on screen sulu!!




eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


spock!! 

any idea what were dealing with???


it looks like an eggplant with a stick captain.

I believe it’s a kiwi





whats it doing spock????





let me punch in some information on my console that blinks and flashes with whirly sounds


i believe its staring at a wad of belly lint captain



sir!!!!! its moving!!!!!!






NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



he ate it!!!!!!!


ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


get us outta here chekov before we hurl!!!

if its called stop watch why do you keep watching it??????



STOP!!!!!




raggedy ann to raggedy andy - stuff it!!!




if everybody on the planet blows in one direction at the same time will the earth spin faster?




watch!!


did you see it???



I left a trail of fairy dust where i was



if happy little bluebirds sing beyond the rainbow 
why o why cant i ?




well 
1 you cant carry a tune
2 you cant get to the other side of a rainbow dufus
3 your not a bird



no i did not steal the gum off your shoe

i stole it off the bus stop seat

captain

alls quiet on the western quadrant


update spock


well sir

there seems to be a vast blackness out there 

no stars

no planets

no people


oh wait!!! i see something


its a giant olive!!!!!


a giant olive spock?



report!!!


well sir



its green


with a stuffing of pimento

and its HUGE!!!!!!



wait!!!




somethings happening!!!


the pimento!!!! 



look!!!!!!!



its unscrewing!!!!!!!




oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



its hideous!!!!!!!!!!!!


probe it spock


ewwww!!!!


im not probing that thing!!




YOU probe it!!!

sulu!!!!


gloves!!!!!!

evil spelled backwards is live

bad spelled backwards is dab


devil spelled backwards is lived



mad spelled backwards is dam



sppuurrlffffttttttt spelled backwards is just silly




if you run in place does time stand still?




it is DEFINITELY further to new york or by boat



i looked it up on wiki





do angel fish have wings?



are we there yet?



i dont think i look like myself. i think i look like the mailmans brothers sister in law twice removed



have you ever tried to stuff your head in a mailbox? 



it dont fit



i looked up one day and saw an airplane heading straight for me



can you think in backwards?


if you’re on a train and an airplane hits you...................its a bad day

oh............


look at the cute children playing...........



my bad............it was a rock


time for a contacts change




i signed a petition to make candy canes plaid



i did the math



the earth disintegrated into a black hole 3 years ago



oh dear what could the matter be?
oh dear what could the matter be?
oh dear what could the matter be?
your standing on my foot you doofus!




if i turn my eyelids inside out can i see inside my brain?



i sneezed because my knees had fleas
oh please your knees had fleas?
dont tease
go eat some cheese
before the freeze
i need to sneeze


my brain took a right turn when it shoulda veered left

my eyeballs crashed



squid need love too




honest officer................

i didnt see that stop sign


it was behind the red light

my cat is scanning her feet



when the big hand is on the 2 and the little hand is on the 6 that means something


if you crossed a cantaloupe and a banana you get a cantanana


cantanana - spanish word that means blowing up cheetos


they dragged up the shrimp net captain



why did we need a new mexico?? the old one was just fine


and where is old york or old jersey??


somebody needs to start explaining these things

if our big toe was on the outside of our feet rather than the inside we could take corners sharper



if you leave your tongue hanging out your mouth all day does it pick up lint?



if you keep doing this  your face will get stuck




when you snort cotton balls your brain gets fluffy



SOMEBODY get that man gravity!!!

watch







see it????






there it is again




your brain on glue sticks


my email will kick your emails butt anyday



i dont need this abuse!!!!! 



yes i do



its fun



and creamy




telescopes talk to me

they whisper showtunes




let’s all be slugs?


they seem fine


they ooze 


and leave slime

it would make life so simple

theyd be slime trails all over the place


people could say


hey slimeball!!!


and it would be ok


and wed all look the same


like squooshy raindrops with antennas



very attractive

lamps can be quite entertaining



they have bright ideas

they have dark days and light days


sometimes for no reason at all

theyll just blow their brains out


then you just replace them



its kinda sad



dinnerware are not as exciting to talk to


they just kinda sit there and match



i wonder what would happen if the dish really did run away with the spoon


I have always liked clocks

yeah clocks can be real sociable


their always on time to events

----------


## Chantellabella

clouds discuss politics

skyscrapers are fascinating when wet




there it is again!!!!! 


air!!!!



see it???!!!!!



arm pit hair can be very attractive on antelope



justification of extrapolated equivalent periscopes never cease to amaze the masses of brooklyn



turtle mustard pie!


yum!



shhhh!!!!!





antelope use their clipped nose hairs for mattress stuffing.



sh! pass it on!

Shhh!!!


People shouldn't be gossiping!


Sh!! Pass it on!



And btw



I heard that cows only change their socks once a month. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!

Sh! Pass it on!!


shh!!!! well i heard that librarians really hate kids and secretly want to tie them to flag poles during a hail storm


shh!! pass it on!!



See how easy it is to drop a cow on a martian?

im reporting you to PETA!!! 


whats a clipboard?

i dont mean the thingys that hold the paper

theres a thing on the computer that says somethings on the clipboard

wheres this clipboard??!!! does it hold paper?? and how authorized it to hold my papers??? 


oh! the conspiracy!!!!



no said the munchkin


the world has 8 sides!!!



count them!!!!



why oh why do the pigeons try??????



are you referring to the massive tic tac in the drawer????


how rude!!!!


i am not at liberty to be liberated thank you


i came 

i conquered

i scrapbooked it


is there a minimus?



open shut them
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap


dont you need drugs to clear that up?????


i know


im bad


im bad


im really really bad



uh huh!!


the dandelions revolted today


they insulted the marigolds

owa 


translation please



i o wa


i owe something.........not sure



correct!!! for 200 points



then the placemat decided to evacuate


it wasnt pretty


june


did you beat the children before they went to bed



yes ward


then there was one lantern


two tripods



and a magic mixer


it was quite magical


this just in





ceiling fans go in circles




OH! THE HUMANITY!!!


the species is about to be destroyed



news at 11


i hear it!!!!


the joyful sound of the garbage truck!!!!


HALLELUJAH!!! 


in the universe before time


god said



i sure could use a waffle right about now


and to think the jello solidified for THAT!!!


there is just so much lemon pledge that one can sniff

it isnt due until monday sir!!!



thats not good enough soldier!!!!



shine those tooth brushes now!!!!


in the dawn of time


the sunset was preparing for its dramatic scene


what?? 


you dont believe it????


watch!!!!!



see?????



watch it again!!!


see this time??????


no??????


your just not looking close enough!!!


there it is again!!!!!!!!!!



atoms!!!!!


torpedos ready sir!!!!!!!



wait for it!!!


wait for it!!!!!!!!!!



now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


dead butterfly



its just not creamy enough until the surface turns bluish brownish green and smells


ravioli

we like ravioli


macaroni



stuffed with blue toe cheese


its not whether you win or lose


its who got kicked in the balls that counts







my bad


in the interest of preserving humanity


air will rationed


people in new jersey will get air on weds fridays tuesdays and sundays



people in missouri will get it on mondays thursdays and saturdays


people in texas 


just hold your breath





then the munchkins hung Dorothy


it was quite sad to watch




lets all start a bugger collection



it will be fun!!!!



it doesnt matter what life holds



now if i only knew what i meant by that


it would mean something



then the ravenous seaweed attacked



when the cantaloupe held a town meeting they decided that watermelons should be used as jack o lanterns rather than pumpkins



a riot ensued in the town hall



seeds were everywhere!!!



what if the temperature reached 106 then went to 0 then to 106 all in the same day?????



that would hurt

then ninjas ate the microphone



when in reality 



it surely isnt trashday


that was last week




are you in deep thought????



try flushing your brain with drano


in the interest of mankind 


sponges will be octogon from now on



thank you



why didnt we see it coming??????




my my john boy



ate that whole olive did ya now??



go ahead


get to the woodshed


ill be there shortly with my sledge hammer



live on channel 8



little house on the prairie a hoax


waltons live in a condo



i see trees of green
red roses too
i see them bloom for me and you

and i think to myself


where am i??



i truly believe that barney would make a great president

i mean look


i love you you love me were a happy family 


with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you


wont you say you love me too


sounds pretty good to me


then the chicken got pox


it was quite disturbing



this just in



an asteroid bigger than texas is hurling towards the earth at this very second


what?


oh


sorry ladies and gentlemen


the story should read

a small child threw a wad of gum at a texan 


my bad


then the cantaloupe said 




stop!!!!!!!!!!!!! 



what? 



cantaloupes dont talk



yes they do



who said?



that carrot over there


but carrots dont talk either



oh



there is no such thing as air



i promise



its a hoax



just like water




jack sprat could eat no fat
his wife could eat no lean
and so between them both



they ate instead a spleen



eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww




you know the little sprinkles on cupcakes?


those are sugared rat dust




it didnt take long for the asparagus to dry out




there wasnt but 30 countries in the whole confederate military that eradicated the antelope

one of those words doesnt belong there
one of those words is kinda insane
one of those words doesnt belong there
now its time to lay the blame
its time to lay the blame


they roasted the marigolds live!!!!!!




just when you thought it was safe to wash your dishes!




justification of juxtapositions are just wrong

lets all make thursday a holiday!!


we can call it THAT DAY!

we can celebrate with balloons pinatas and mushroom sauce


jungle boogie

jungle boogie


jungle boogie



did anybody get pictures?????



it is a known fact that ranch dressing tastes like chicken



the cow jumped over the butterfly

then when it realized it mistake


it backed over it



there just isnt enough jello pudding to save the planet


there just isnt 



what has 8 legs and drives a ferrari?

you dont wanna know

somewhere in the galaxy of cyberspace lies a jumbo box of raisinettes


stardate 7484.9606022263827575750022222 1/2 

alls quiet here out in space

weve allied with the klingons
intimidated the romulans
confused the borg
and conquered the planet of disturbed kiwis


our next mission is to free cyberspace from unwanted nosehair photos. it has come to our attention that there are many google images of nose hair photos. 

this madness must be stopped!!!!

were setting the coordinates now



sulu!! anything out there???!!!


nothing yet sir!!!



oh wait!!!


i hear a ping!!!!


captain!!!!!!!



antelope!!!! off the starboard bow!!!!



shields up!!!!!!



arm the torpedos!!!!!


drat!!!! 



I thought we exterminated them!!!!



captain

should we open a channel??



open a channel???


huh?



like dig a canal?????



no captain!!!! focus!!!!! talk to it!!!!!!


no ahura. i hear if you talk to them your ears bleed.


captain. qwitter on da screen



thank you chekov!! and go to speech therapy will ya???? thanks!!!!




greetings earth creature!!!!


you have invaded our cyberspace.


you have broken the human vs antelope / the antelope vs human treaty by showing your presence in this cyberspace thread.



now all heck must ensue


ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffff ffftttttttttttttttttttttt



sir!!!!


it has come to our knowledge that antelope have a weakness


oh no captain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


they launched a spit bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


brace for impact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


wow!!! that was close!!!!!! they missed!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


have a space clean up crew clean that up later!!



so spock?? whats their weakness???


their deranged!!!!



they think their birds and not antelope!!!




is that right spock??? hmmm??? maybe we can use their insanity against them
sneak attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

they beamed right into our jeffry tubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!


and one beamed into the latrine. i think it was their leader


quick worf!!!!!


get as much RAID as you can find



were going on an antelope kill!!!!


and get a few cans of lysol



the smell is getting unbearable!!!!!



Quick troops, stock up on beans and asparagus.

We will take over soon enough!



should we use the fact that their crazy sir??


we might be able to get deanna troi to sense their deepest fears then faint


or spock can mind meld with them and scream dramatically!


oh no captain!!!


our spies disclose that they are eating beans and asparugus!!


chemical warfare!!!



red alert!!!!!



gas masks on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



now



be vwey vwey qwiet







i think their right around the corner



deanna


do you sense their presence?



i sense much fear because they know they will be exterminated

i sense much resentment because they know we humans are superior


i sense much confusion because they took a wrong turn at uranus and thought they were headed for the crab nebula

they were going out for lunch.


lets flush them outta their hiding spot



freeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


commander of the cyberspace thread is lurking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


everybody!!!!!



act casual!!!!


oh no!!!!


sir!!!!!



the antelope are on board!!! They have farted in our general direction!!!!!



damn it spock!!! if ive told you once ive told you a million times!!!



no bad news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


only happy fluffy news!!!!


please!!!


captain!!!


368 crewmen dead!!!!!


weve taken a bad hit!!!!


mccoy!!!!


tend to these soldiers quick!!!!!!



damn it captain!!!!!



im a doctor!!!!


not a ....................oh wait..................


scotty!!!!!


shoot that cow at them as one last sign that we WILL be victorious!!!



ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffffff fttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!


Incoming COW!!!

Evasive maneuvers


MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO???????????????



ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just in the nick of time the trash compactor ate the crock pot!


the end


8 legged trash compactor

2

arachnid

2

wiki

2

greek


2


togas


2


drunks in gutters


2 


rolling them for change



its all perfectly logical


your the one who lost your place sir


want a bookmark???


no comprende senor la rodent


localized marijuana smokers bake cakes


news at 11


in the interest of humanity

humanity will begin to get interesting


i think hyperboles are overrated

then the apricot bit the dust


there is an overwhelming surge of stupidity running rampant in the humanity closet

oxygen is never entertaining


stones will help in the adjustment of circular thought

alienation of synaptic overload helps the ongoing tendency to fulfill randomness


jump starting total atmospheric anomalies isnt easy



when in doubt

vomit


the use of verbs is quite disturbing


it doesnt help life to breath

just hold it


in the scheme of life humans rate below cotton balls


joy 

justice


and jugular veins


you decide



Hey Secretly Pretentious!!!! I can only edit now, but I think you should take your art exhibit on the road. I feel such a masterpiece of achievement deserves more than just latex gloves and condoms in a backroom. 

Well, we might be able to work the condoms into the feng shui arrangement



then the mushrooms grew bigger and bigger and bigger until they took over cleveland


news at 11


it isnt always the pumpkin that makes the cocktail sauce



spewing red sauce all over the counter is a fun craft idea for small children


now the universe can belong to only the inner sphere of reality and life as a kumquat


good times



in the interest of mankind


there will no longer be mankind



just some oozy dust and windchimes


coughing up the antelope was not fun



guided miscalculations of brain waves is always conducive to making people go away

not belonging to the human race can save time


individual consciousness is a choice


touching is such a touchy subject


i think therefore putt putt no longer exists in a spatial environment


it never used to need brill cream

whats up with that??


today is suicidal squirrel day


enjoy!

then the eggs leaped off the counter

ran across the room


and splattered all over the wall


so i called 911 and said


the eggs leaped off the countrer 


ran across the room


and splattered all over the wall


they were not amused


it just seems like jellyfish could try a little harder

thats all im saying


i switched brain pattern providers


my last company wasnt professional


obviously the pattern for humanity is to have a purpose


unfortunately the purpose of humanity is to follow an obvious pattern


i choose to pattern humanity with an obvious purpose


and be done with it


purposely and obviously


telling time does not help time travel


just ignore the little hand


inside outsiders have inside information 


sometimes


special skills seem to be needed for sitting


maybe there should be a course


i am not inclined to elevate breathing to a high priority status


in a tidy little antelope world


angels coexist with bunnies


then when the farmers come into the picture


whap!!!


it couldnt be helped



they thought they were fig newtons


it just seems wrong to believe in the power of arm pit hair

i totally did not see that semi coming up the road


yes i know i put the little squirrel in the middle of the road


officer


he asked me to


hes been depressed


indecent insightfulness is indecently insightful

cotton balls cannot help their offensiveness


they were bred to be offensive

it doesnt matter if molecules exist


it only matters if hamstercules exist


geesh!

coexistence is only relevant when you need someone to help you move





jovial interludes stop so many stuffy paperweights





yes


oatmeal does taste like chicken





and once again 


humanity feels the need to join the human race


its just so frustrating





open discussion of depressing situations is always fun



pleasant surprises always make me wanna puke


puking on the other hand is quite the pleasant surprise





its totally indescribable



what is toilet tissue?



correct! for 500 points





in the interest of helicopters

i would like to share this poem


oh helicopter
oh helicopter
you make nice whirly sounds

oh helicopter
oh helicopter
as you hurl out of control to the ground


this just in


cat puts furry tail in my face for 368th time





subsupimgurllistquotecodeflash


ah! now i feel so much better





its not about the oxygen


its about the carbon dioxide


geesh!!


radicals!!!!



yes there are many points! didnt you read the rules???? you get 5 points for making snide remarks............20 for saying ppppppppppssssssssssfffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt tt!!!!!!!!!!! and 50 bonus points for saying whatever to small children and nuns. your just gonna have to stay after school and learn how to do this right. man!!! do i have to spell EVERYTHING out????!!!!!!!!!!!!

shhhh!!! 





im planning an armadillo attack



unfortunately i have to wait like 400 hours to do it



but it WILL happen!!



and it aint gonna be pretty!!!



ah!!! he has come to fight the dead armadillos with his sword again!! 



its roadkill warrior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



this just in


all people named george will now be named jello


jello will now be named george

and to think gilligan didnt like asparagus


if only he did


if only he did

joy to the world

the corn is borled

da helicopter

da helicopter!



its not whether you win or lose


its how you cheat lie and steal


different

the elves took the keys and drove the car to las vegas

then they won 468 dollars playing craps

then they drove to the grand canyon and starting singing show tunes


it was a jolly good time



the cheeseball incident was tragic.

no survivors


news at 11



then a tornado swept up dorothy and toto and dropped them at walmart!


and they walked right under a sign when the prices dropped


it speared dorothy in the head


toto survived with a flesh wound

and now.........


the dinosaur polka





sound the alarms!!!

battle stations!!!

spock


status


there seems to be a guy in a red and white suit and a bunch of reindeer off the starboard bow


open a channel


um

may i help you??


youve been bad kirk


very bad



industrial strength surgical socks


get some today





and now a quiet interlude











there!!!



wasnt that worth it???



juxtapositions of incarcerated refractions is quite painful


im told.



its roadkill warrior lady!!!!!


wait!!!


ill go get my spatula





wait!!!!


a semi!!!!!


its headed straight for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



duck roadkill lady!!!!


duck!!!!!

then roadkill warrior lady lived happily ever after


fighting priuses everywhere


yeah roadkill warrior lady!!!!





its never impossible until the possible says it is



individual shrimp in shrimp scampi have varying opinions about the cheese sauce



what do you get if you cross a cucumber and a llama?

you get lumber

so go out and build your house with llamas and cucumbers today!



square pegs must fit in round holes in order to ease the tension in jamaica


really?


no not really!!!


arent you paying attention???!!!

when the earth cooled


silly string formed





quick!!! get that man some visine!!



its really more of a geography question dont ya think??

so do all endangered species run across the road??





see! i was walking down the road when all of a sudden a spaceship lands and this flying purple people eater gets out and pukes up all these people. then he got back in his spaceship and took off. he musta been car sick.



its a known fact that certain types of bookkeepers use green pens.


i know! its criminal!!



define criminal.


well their creamy thats what he cr is for

and they like to look in your eye and thats what the i is for

and they rob mi and thats what the mi is for

and they 

oh wait


let me start over



no!!!





in the interest of national security a law has been made that forces people to put their toilet paper going over the top rather than under the bottom when unrolling. the white house has a comment now.


my fellow americans. i know this sucks. live with it!!!


the end.



thank you mr president. 


we will now return you to the movie rawhide vs godzilla





i saw a much walked valley


so i put up a condo

see there was this guy and he was hit by a meteorite


right over there


see?


yeah



i know you can only see his nikes sticking out 


quick


lets steal them


in the interest of womankind


men will be slapped senseless if they snore


i just think that jello pudding is obscene


thats all

people need to listen to the marigolds


they speak wisdom


it doesnt matter which telephone you use


they all fry your brain with microwaves


then your head falls off


and a fine layer of crust develops over your neck




ewwwwwwwwwww!!


random people wander randomly until they get hit by a bus


joyous celebration happens in small rooms with no ventilation


hanging up laundry is really a conspiracy practiced by pagan dirt mongers


antelope run free because they belong to a union



then the parrot choked to death


so sad



nobody knew how to give beak to mouth resuscitation




then the feet went sour


many were disturbed


this just in




2 + 4 = 7



news at 11


freshly made shoe polish


yum!



now quick!!!!



lay low!!!!




no reason 


just wanted to see if you would do it



its never about trigonometry


why is that?


what if the alphabet only had vowels?


would cat be spelled aoaiaiaeeuu?


it just doesnt seem right


juicers

this just in


oops my bad



it went out



time stands still for no one



what if the battery dies


then the ostrich ate the beanstalk


causing jack to crash down to the earth at 40 miles an hour


news at 11


tip toe

tip toe

tip toe

tip toe



ouch


tip toe

tip toe

tip toe

fluffy pants are really creamy!!


totally tacit textures truly taste good


my my mr smith


you cant actually expect us to believe your watermelon just burst at the seams like you say


then there were the chickens


sad



so very sad



i didnt do it!!

i swear!!


it was the carpet cleaner!!!



when you see an antelope


next time


just give it a great big hug


it will appreciate it



when life seems a bit unfair




explode





it feels so good



especially the crunchy and chewy parts


kittens ate my blender

we gave them yogurt to clean them out


why oh why do i bother cleaning the lint between my toes!!!


turtle wax is unlawful


just in time for the flogging!!


quick get the popcorn!



i suppose life is just aching for kumquats


I almost miss the motion sickness



Shh!! lurking lurkers lurking

quick clem!!!!


get the night goggles!!




Watch


darkness





aint it cool??



just when you thought it was safe to play with hand grenades


geesh!


twinkle twinkle
little star
picture a kumquat
at a bar

jolly old st sasquash
smoked hashish 
and burped a lot

he sat on an elf
barfed on a shelf
and crashed his Civic
while snorting pot



(my holiday song)



just in time for the flute punch




its not about seasoned bread fruit




just in case the world ends tonight



i bought scotch tape


then eeny meeney miney mo
torched his toe in a slow mo flow



duct tape amasses great feats of strength from all the quacking energy



sh!


the pigeons!!



they are restless!




inquisitive minds are nosy



jiggle the keys up and down three times

and then do a pirouette


if that doesnt work



bark loudly


this just in




aliens have landed in new york





and now back to our show



chickens do the darnedest things




just in time for the reindeer polka


yum




there once was a pizza



and a boy scout troop




it was tragic



and gory



and creamy




schmitty!!!!!



oops! im sorry.


i thought you cursed.


my bad




christmas lights will make you go blind


its true



i saw it



and so did the 10000 blind elves





its not about postulating plurals



its about circumcising random penguins



big difference


post apocalyptic aspirations are the prime achievement one can make

its even bigger than deep frying raisins



why does orange juice have to be orange?


just once i want to have blue orange juice


is that too much to ask!!???


in the interest of penguin kind



ice will remain cold


purple people should be eaten by one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters


its only right



stop!!!!!!



ok 




go



lets freeze fire and see what happens




still in the mist of all the chaos somebody smelled old spice



the downright interesting part of the whole ensemble was the scratching post.


never underestimate a scratching post



gotta run

left a coconut baking in the oven



groundhogs told me the earth spun 10 degress askew while i wasnt looking. i thought i felt something


plaid with pompoms



i thought i smelled artichokes




SPOCK!!!!

scotty beamed me into a fruitcake!!!!!




wwwwwaaawwasannwwannanwwwannwanwnwnanwnn!!!!!


the sound of a man being hit with a rake in outer space




i cant feel my toes captain!!!!

so stop whining
hold your breathe
and take your space suit off dummy!!!


Butter with ranch dip



now take 3 bites hold it over your head and recite the abcs backwards 3 times really fast


zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba

while spinning counterclockwise



*in a mr rogers voice*
did you barf??


i thought you would

Engines ready sir.




Engage!!!!



Stardate 485.2984




We are headed into Romulan space. We know we're not supposed to be here. 


But we're being vewy vewy quiet.


we have just beamed to an alien planet



earth atmosphere



spock mccoy a random guy in a red shirt who will get killed before the first commercial and i are searching for alien life.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


there goes the guy


darn!!! and i liked his hairdo


i forgot my presence of essence



stardate 43268900.39533

its been awhile since the borg have tried to assimilate us


we wonder if their energizer bunny has run down


sulu

coordinates



we are headed to what seems to be a small island sir




full speed ahead



sir

approaching a lagoon


full stop


random ensign who will only be in this one episode! take the helm


spock
mccoy
sulu
checkov
ahura
scotty
even though its insane for the entire top crew to beam down a search party

oh what the hell
lets go see

beam us down random transporter room guy



bzzsszzzzzsssss................




damned that random transporter room guy!!!


he forgot to beam down my pants!!


i try and i try and i try captain to get your approval 


but nnnnoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!


shhhh!!!

everybody!


act casual!


hide behind this coconut

look!!! someones coming!!!

its some skinny guy with a funky white hat captain!!


everybody


look like a palm frond!


gilligan!!! oh gilligan!!!!


yes skipper??


gilligan! did you tie up those two bamboo sticks like i asked?

yes i did skipper.

well you mistakenly tied up the professor with them. now go untie him immediately! he was working on that coconut
nuclear reactor and doesnt have time to be tied up


yes skipper



did you hear that sir?


their building a nuclear reactor



i knew it spock!


alien *******s!!


spock!!!

watch your language!! this is a g rated show.


sorry captain. im feeling a little amokish today.


thats fine



just focus!!



yes captain



captain!!! someones coming!!!


its two girls!


ginger? do you ever think ill find a boyfriend while im here stuck on this island?


to be honest maryann.............you got no chance

i mean mr howell is married
the professor has his nose in books all the time
the skippers too old for you
and gilligan
well you just dont wanna procreate that species now do ya?


i suppose not


oh i wish i could find a tall green guy with pointy ears and no personality

someday maryann

someday


captain

did you hear that? 


there are several people on this island



quick!


everyone!

phasers ready!!


its not about the cheese whiz


who said that commercial could interrupt us?

just a thought captain


what if these people have already built that nuclear reactor?

they could be a threat


great scott scotty!!

great thinking!!

now well have to just annihilate them without question


set phasers to obliteration!!!!


someone else is coming sir!!



everyone!!!


put your cloaking device over your head




checkov!!!! your shoes are showing!!!!



sowwy sir!


but lovey darling


we can never have too much money

oh thurston


your such a hero


did you hear that spock???


they have money!



but we dont use money in outer space captain. its useless.



i know spock.


but still. 


im just jealous anyway.

I know captain. you just dont like playing fair.


sadly spock. its true.


set phasers on slushy.


attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blood
guts
violence
pssfffsstkksssskkeeeffffsstttt sounds

screams
censored moments
ooze


stardate 33899283833.533

i was the only one who survived the island attack
it was brutal

spock married maryann and lived happily ever after on a distant asteroid
ahura married the professor and he finally was able to get that stick thingy outta her ear
the skipper and scotty struck up a friendship and went out for a pint of ale
chekov and gilligan have been sitting in the same spot going wemington. huh? wemington. huh? wemington. huh?
sulu sliced up mr and mrs howell with his samurai sword
and mccoy finally was able to surgically remove gingers tight dress


im all alone now in space
drifting aimlessly with no crew


i think ill go see whats happening with my old buddy jean luc picard


random transporter guy


beam me over to that other enterprise


bbzzzfeefffttteeetttvvgggffftgttsstt!!!


dang!!! you left my shoes again scot boy!!!

oh well 

good thing i packed another set



stardate553993939.5


all quiet in cyberspace

it makes me vwey vwey nervous


captain do you want me to warp to earth to see whats going on there??


aye sulu



closing in on north america captain



steady sulu


we dont want the boss seeing us


hell know were goofing off from our mission


aye captain


putting on the cloaking device


sh!!!


everybody!!


breathe in slo mo!!


um captain


yes spock?


they cant hear us breathe from earth




oh



right!


i was just testing you



*whispers* kumquat


I HEARD THAT!!


ahura open a frequency

deep fried cheese worms

breakfast of champions


in the beginning the earth cooled


the dinosaurs decided it was a good time to break open the good china


just because life gets complicated does not mean its time to pull out the life vest


pots have a way of mingling uncontrollably


join us now in song

oh the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
aint what she used to be
aint what she used to be
the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
so she botoxed all day long 



in the end

the earth warmed


ants in your pants
cant dance


joyful jiggling jello 

got a bum rap


its not about the essence


just the ooze



roads go up
roads go down
roads go round and round

ok thats making me sick


in the interest of essence

all exposure to life lessons will be suspended temporarily


the closest thing to atmosphere can be really important




just in time for pancakes and jelly beans!


captain picard!!

unidentified captain approaching ship sir!!!



its captain kirk coming for a visit!!!


full ton torpedos!!!!


fire!!!!!



in the interest of zucchini

the squash confessed to the crime


just when you thought it was safe to dislocate a shoulder


totally useless watermelons


its truly sad



why oh why cant goldfish just get along???



yes!!!


its the giant lamp sale!!!


oh happy day 


oozy yellow slime makes a great dinner companion

its creamy




then the little teacup said to the big teacup


no!!!

not the beans!!


if i cared to do the math 

i would



then the little girl ate the spaghetti octopus and lived happily ever after

the end



just so you know


kumquat season has started



yep


you can shoot those little suckers to your hearts content



it really wasnt special until the jello hardened.


then it became priceless


just so you know again


the top of a blue pen can be chewed


then they started screaming loudly in the bank parking lot


not pretty


the pedestrians were appalled



its really not fair the way pigeons are treated


supercalifragilisticexpealadociaous

my spelling of the word above is something quite atrocious

----------


## Chantellabella

cat biting my fingers as i type!!!

hello!!! not a hotdog!!!

now fuzzbutt in my face


better

now where was i? 

where am i?

who am i?

what am i?


sorry the needle got stuck


much ado about nuthin

what is ado?? 


is it like a do? 


like a hairstyle?


bored cats are redundant


just when life wants to grab you around the neck and choke the living **** outta ya


theres a commercial


im not sure the sponsor agrees


just so you know



the sun is not cool


why is pluto not a planet?


did he get expelled?


i am therefore i was a week ago



justice prevails in vail colorado but only in the winter of 2009 before the frost set in

is there some kind of cat rule that says putting their tail in a persons face is acceptable???!!!

there is a sleeping snoring orange right above here. and a guy in sunglasses. and some crying green dude. explain.


ok.

the orange guy choked on an orange and dropped dead and his skin turned orange cause he dropped dead in the sun.

the other orange guy in sunglasses saw the dead guy and smiled at first then turned green from the site and cried.

it all makes sense. 

whats the red hand with the thumb up about?

hit it with a hammer??


i wish people had whiskers like cats. then we wouldnt run into door frames when we rush.

i wonder what pickle casserole tastes like


i saw this bird once


its barney!!!! 


no sorry


it was a giant purple hedgehog


my mistake



totally opposite of an ice pick


if you saved all the belly button lint of 10000 people would you be able to feed a nation?

then the first man on the moon slapped the second man



in slow mo


blue cheese is scary



running


running


running


splat!!



ouch



its not just about the over escalating misconceptions that boggle the mind as much as the inability to dictate grand numerical cocktail parties


is it possible to roll jello into a ball?


just because i said so



arent you the least bit concerned that the sun will instantly erupt a solar flare and cook your brain?

just when you thought it was safe to squeeze turnips


inside this little box lies the secrets of the universe


oops!!!


no!!!! you werent supposed to open it!


now you let it out and it flew away


good going dimrod!!!


now the secrets of the universe are floating around the planet



in the interest of dogkind


i would like to say


stop peeing on my front lawn



its a rare thing to see flocks of elephants



yellow asparagus is scary




how many hs can you use to spell cantalope?



then again asteroids can be a problem



just put it in the closet and lets go


its sticking out

go get the safety scissors

or a sledgehammer



im not sure what splendid wads of toilet tissue really means


it just doesnt happen because we want it to


then again they do have a life of their own


i need more nyquil to really catch the flavor

whats a lethal dose of nyquil?

if you take nyquil during the day what will happen?



its not supposed to happen spontaneously

just a gradual ooze then 


must be the antelope


the antelope 
ate the cantalope
because he could not elope
nope
he was at the end of his rope
didnt even smoke dope
started to mope
talked it out with the pope
put it all in scope
lost his hope
went out and bought soap
poor dope



the jelly bean 
made a scene
and got real mean

oh no


he beat up sucker
and a trucker

you thought i was gonna be rude didnt you?


in the interest of mankind there will be no other planets decommissioned


thank you



antartica was discovered to be chilly



it wasnt about the penguins!!

i promise!!


just because obi wan said so is not good enough!!



han solo associates with rednecks


looky wookie!!!

a little nookie!!!


if c3po and r2d2 got married what letters and numbers would they be?


i didnt do it captain!!!


blame the droid!


listen.............


here it??




the sound of nothing



and now for something completely random



i dont mean to complain captain


but your standing on my hand



well why is your hand on the floor ensign???



well actually no its on the console


just because the tambourine man it doesnt mean you have to do it too


ice cream truck drivers sell drugs



really



its true



what happened when the nun crossed the street?


no


its not about the earth rotating in a clockwise/counterclockwise/circular/random way


it really isnt


join in the chorus of rugby body snatchers



if you only make right turns and never a left 

will you end up where you started?


im opposed to triangles

they’re so obtuse

with an acute case of 90 degree superiority



fewer fever moments make boring bedfellows



it wasnt until the squirrel incident that people started getting vaccinated for stupidity


and then there was 1 + 1

with my brain power i will make that other person disappear



dang!!

still there


let me try mind melding




dang!!!


still lurking


must think repellant


aaahhh!!!


very tenacious indeed captain


the klingon seems to not want to let go of the forum button



orders captain!


ahhh!!!

now theres 2 klingons!! their cloaked!!



arm the torpedos worf!!!



red alert!!!


be vwery vwery quiet


theres an intruder onboard


he seems to be some type of far ranger sir



did you lock on his coordinates?



well sir


he appears to be at the bottom of the screen



good!


hold this position and lets see if we can send a probe to scan him


do you think they found out about our pu 36 explosive space kiwi inhaler???



possibly worf



get will



huh sir?


number 1


do you need to go to the bathroom sir???


no you nimrod!!! get will riker on the bridge


but sir 

hes at the beauty salon getting his hair done


well tell him it will have to wait damn it!!

aye aye sir!!


you rang sir????



stop doing your lurch impression riker!!


Input number 2!

well sir!!


why should i give you input?? you make way more money than me. its like your robbing me of my information. why dont i think about what im gonna do and you think about what your gonna do and then we can see whos idea is better


wont that be a fun idea???


thats an idiot idea will



oh look!! we lost 2 aliens



somebody mustve shot them out the torpedo tubes



one mustve put on his cloaking device. do you think their romulans?


another one captain


its an invasion. there beaming on board. their lurking in space. im getting claustrophic




oh stop whining worf!!!


lets ask data


well captain


the way i see it


we seem to be caught in some type of public forum galaxy


random people move through time space and dimension easily with something called an id and password


good gopher gravy data!!!!


did we enter a worm hole??
it seems we did captain. 


how to do break free???


not sure captain.


not sure


not sure!!!


you were wired to be sure!!


you cant say not sure



yes i can

no you cant


ah ha!!!!


while we were arguing the far ranger beamed off the ship


maybe it was the arguing that got him to evacuate.


do you think itll work again??


not sure captain


we can try it


no


why not?



not in the mood to argue


i could sing


yes singing might help


lets get worf over here to sing us a ditty

uk uh hok uck hokt buk uck

wow worf


that was quite beautiful


what?


oh no captain



i had a chip stuck in my throat and i was trying to dislodge it with a little phelm


eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!


we could get uhura to sing us something


we could but isnt she in the old enterprise while were the new crew


wont that mess up the time space continuum??

well yeah maybe


but when she sings she makes such goofy faces that the aliens might laugh themselves to death


right!! 



get ahura on the speak phone!!


captain


there are 4 cloaked warbirds off the starboard bow


how do you know their warbirds if their cloaked??


they may be cloaked mushrooms for all you know



well sir


their kinda big for mushrooms



well they could be really big cloaked mushrooms

true


but im sure their alien spaceships of some kind sir


i mean what would cloaked mushrooms be doing wandering around in cyberspace???

lost one captain!!!


good job!!!


were boring them to death!!!



a new space weapon!!!



still two cloaked off the starboard bow



what if we just shoot torpedos at them sir?


it couldnt hurt


egads!!!! its a romulan loogie!!!!


red alert!!!!


man battle stations!!!!

wait for it!!


wait for it!!!


quick!!!


get out the barcode scanner!!!

and another alien life form just beamed on board!!


what are we running here???? some type of revolving space door???



interesting theory data.


is there a way to capture him?


well i did suggest that barcode scanner back there.

no! we need something more substantial.


phasers on confuse!

wow!!!! we did it!!!!


confusion worked!!! he ran back to the 0 century!!!


good work crew!!


but what do we do with the two cloaked lurkers in cyberspace captain??


now theres one.


i know!!!!



barney the dinosaur songs!!!!!!


ready???



i love you

you love me

were a happy family

with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

wont you say you love me too


dang!!! this one must be a klingon


still off the bow


break out the big guns ensign


what?


you know


the secret weapon

what secret weapon?


didnt you read the secret weapon email?


um no


the one that states we can shoot one of our crew members out of the torpedo tube.


ohhhhh!!!


THAT secret weapon!!!



will get it ready sir!!!


10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1.............


FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!



antelope at 10 OCLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


shoot! missed!!


man!! that lurker is tough!!!

there must be something we can do to shoot it to the next galaxy.


wheres an antelope when you need one?


we could use one of his fart bombs.


thats it!!! 


lets drink some coffee

drink some beer

eat a little cow ewwwwwwww


and shake it all up 


actually nothings more powerful in the universe than antelope emission

nonsense data.

theres got to be something we can use to shoot the cloaked lurker across the galaxy



space is getting so crowded these days


it seems you just cant find a few kazillion square feet to think alone.



time for shore leave.



shore leave over


that paradise planet was the bomb!


except for the exploding flowers and rocks


and the aliens who tried to kill us

Little green men with brushes on their hats rock!

Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!

The reason 4 leaf clovers are so hard to find is because the leprechauns pull them down when they see you coming.........so sneak up on the clover patch and be vwey vwey qwiet.

Santa Claus does exist. Ask the Easter Bunny.

Dust bunnies procreate their species

Chili cheese dogs are bred for their looks

I believe peaches look embarrassed.

Pigeons discuss politics. It's true. I read the minutes of their meetings from the sidewalk droppings.

Olives for breakfast..................who knew!

Combs travel in pairs.........just ask them.

Stop signs need love too. Go ahead........give one a hug today.

People just don't respect pumpkins enough. 

I bow down to your pumpkinismal love and beg your apologies. 

Some people don't respect pumpkins enough 

On the other hand, watermelons are the pox of humanity. 

Black Eyed Susans are wearing colored contact lenses.

Rainbow pictures scare me. They always seem to be frowning in disapproval. 

Is there such a thing as open captioning?

Is it further to New York or by boat?

What ARE the odds?

Can someone get that phone please?

There are green ghosts behind people's eyes.
Whispering 3 X a day is good for malaria.

Seriously, again, what ARE the odds?

Fountain pens deserve to live like the rest of us.

Can your GPS find Munchkinland?

What is Princess Leia hiding under those sticky buns?

Seriously, would you actually buy sea shells at the seashore even if she sells them? Seems like they'd be lying around and kinda free.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

It just seems like Jill should've learned from Jack's mistake. Sigh. 

What was that??

If cats make toast,
and dogs make lasagna,
then you can logically conclude that cows wallpaper their bathrooms.

Do cows have bathroom wallpaper with fish designs?

Do they use soft soap?

Were eggplants laid? What did it's mother look like?

Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!

Did you hear the joke about the dead pumpkin? How many dead pumpkins does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Two

One to decide the lightbulb needs changing and the other one to come to the realization that it ain't gonna happen. 

That joke was so bad, I need to hide my head in shame.




NOT!!
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?


Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it 
a surprising twist at the end.
How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?


3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue 
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of 
the light socket
Who named periwinkles periwinkle? 

Who would even think up such a name???
What's a fon do? 

I heard it crochets doilies.
I did research on the whole periwinkle name.

Peri means around.

So are these flowers around winkles?

It's getting even foggier here. 

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory dickory dock


OOOKKKAAAYYY!!!

Not much plot

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse stir fried in his wok
The wok burned up
The mouse threw up
Hickory dickory dock
What can YOU spell in your bowl of Alpha bits?
We're off to see the wizard!
The wonderful wizard of oz
We hea we hea we hea we hea
If wever da wiz da waz


Mithithippi

The 80's rocked in slow motion
Cat spit never dries up
Music of sound the with alive are hills the!

Yellow is the best color
Green should hang it's head in shame
Blue needs Prozac
Do you ever watch Math teachers? Their lips move out of sync with their words.
It's higher power zilla!!!
Do something radical today. Watch a dog drool.
Coconuts are spies.
I vote for the maybe party.
Why hands on a clock? Why not feet?

Arrrggghhhhh!!!!! My brain slipped!!!

Ok it's back on. 

so........................


In the interest of mankind, the word interest will be stricken from the English language


gonna clap clap clap our crazies out
clap clap clap our crazies out
clap clap clap our crazies out
wiggle our wobbles away


ok lets all clap  


nope it didnt work


its not about the asteroids people!!! get with it!

what are two turtles ordering pretzels and cool whip?

correct!!! for 200 points



stardate 23333.59393939393939 squared

we are in romulan territory and dont see any of them. 

spock!! get out the romulan bait!



yes sir captain! string cheese torpedos!!! ready!!!! fire!!!!!!


caught one sir!!!!! his lips are stuck to the hull.

Now you're gonna be treated to WHY crazy talk comes so easy to me. I started a thread on that other forum called Crazy Genes after visiting my family in New Orleans for two weeks. The following crazy talk actually came out of their mouths. I deleted all the racist, political, and religious comments, well, because that was just crazy talk. 

So here's where my crazy talk comes from..........my crazy family:


Actual crazy talk from my family who don’t see it as crazy talk:

It's taken me 6 months to move into my apartment because my foot hurts and if I need a foot doctor I will have to travel all the way to my old home to go to the doctor.
Yeah, the levee broke and the water is rising but my house is a foot off the ground so it won't flood.
A hurricane won't hit us. It hit us last year.
Mattresses float so it's ok if it floods.
Why didn't the government tell me when they gave me money to live in a place that I had to move in???? It's all their fault.
The guy on the 4th floor knows more than the government.
Those doctors don't know anything about medicine. I don't know why they think they do.
It's ok if the bridge leans to the side. They gonna fix it soon.
The police makes allowances for people over 75 if they run a red light.
It's best to not ever put lights on so people on the street can't see you..........even if the shades are closed.
All the police reports involve people who don't live here (even though their address says they do)
I didn't read it in the paper so it didn't happen (even though I saw it with my own eyes!)
I'm painting the sidewalk with yellow stripes so the postman will stop putting my neighbor's mail in my box (seriously.........this is the exact words!!!) And seriously, there are yellow stripes on her sidewalk. Landing strip??
The levees aren't quite finished so if it floods again the parish councilman said it woulda been too soon for a hurricane to come - again the exact words. 

The sad part.................my other relative agreed.
It's not about money. It's about finances. 


(huh?)
People shouldn't live together. They should just get married and be miserable like the rest of us.
People didn't see Katrina coming. If they had they would've gotten to higher ground. 


(My brain is starting to implode)
Don't throw that rotten lettuce away. 


Wait for it
Wait for it






It has nutrients.
I married him so he could take care of me in my old age.
Don't worry about the leak. I called Joe and he said he can come over on Thursday (it's Saturday and the water's leaking now). I don't trust those other plumbers. I can get up all night and empty out the bucket.
I don't need a computer because I don't need to know what's happening in the world.
Yes, I broke up your brother's marriage and had his kids taken away. But it really wasn't my fault.
The bible was written by some guy who wants you to be Jewish.
Greg (so and so).................

do you know him? He's the president of the parish.


I can't believe you don't know him.



Well you know Bobby (so and so)................


No?


Why don't you know them?
She don't mind her own business (as she's looking out of the curtain watching the neighbor)
The U.S. government will just have to understand that I'm not ready to move. My cat will get too upset if I move.
He got married to that slut. No I don't know her. I just know she's a slut.
No.......I did NOT put on my blinker. Any idiot knows that if I stopped ma truck in the road, I'm gonna make a turn.
People in other states are just so cold and impersonal



(disclaimer............just what my relatives say........not me)

Somehow I jumped out of the gene pool along the way.
What's wrong wid dem people? It's cause they not from hea.
We don't have to follow the rules. We from THE PARISH.
All lawyers and doctors want is your money. They think they know stuff because they have degrees.
He married outside the family. You can't trust dem people. (btw, I married my 5th cousin)
I put the 2 x 4 up against the house so when the wind comes the roof won't fly off.
She's having a wedding but she's gonna have nerve if she wears white. Maybe I'll suggest she put a black rick rack trim on the edge.
What happened to the eggplant? I'll bet those neighbors broke into my backyard and stole it.
Schools don't teach them nuthin
My trailer's safer in a storm then your house cause it's off the ground.
I can't move cause I have to watch out for my neighbor's dog. They don't.
They use the excuse that they have to work. It just seems like they working almost everyday almost all day.
That's so stupid you had to go to college. You shoulda stayed home and raised those children. That's your job. You don't need no college to raise children.
Just drive around the broken part of the street. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
Just walk around the broken part of the sidewalk. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
Them damn garbage guys. Can't they see I know it's garbage day?


(not sure what she was referring to here)
It's closer if you take the streets.
You weren't my first born. Or my second. Or my third. But you weren't my last. 


(I was the third...............I think.............now I'm not so sure)
I don't need a computer cause if there's anything I need to know it'll be on Channel 4.
Yeah the bridge section came down and fell in the river one time, but if you go real fast and it does break off, you still got enough speed to make it to the other side.

I can't stir the pot. I got my beer in one hand and my baby in the other (promise you, it's real!)

My trucks bigger than yours by miles.
We ain't got nuttin pretty at the front gate of the parish except the National Guard
I shoulda stop having kids and only had my last one.


( I guess I should be insulted because I wasn't the last. But then would the last be first? I'd better not try to figure it out)
I can't figure out how to use it. Right now it just holds my pencils until somebody can tell me how to turn it on.
That dang red cross. They don't know how to handle emergencies.
Are you kidding? I ain't ever heard of such a thing..........not having a wake. It's for the family. That's the only time they get to visit and eat food.
He can't put up a wooden fence. I wouldn't be able to see if I need to what's happening in his yard.
The family is coming over. Don't use the towels. 


(I never could figure this one out)
Why is she still living with that drunk? Pass me that beer will ya?
(While swigging beer and driving down the road) Look at those drive thru daiquari shops. Aint' that stupid!
Why do you bother to tell me these things? I don't need to know stuff.
Make sure you hit the bottom of the bridge on the right. You'll knock the bottom offa ya car if you hit it straight on.
Yeah, I know there's all those houses all caved in on their roofs. The city can't fix them or knock them down cause FEMA told them to use the money on things we don't need. 


(I guess this is a political statement coonass style)
You see this antelope??



They'd be arguing over whether is was pork or beef.



I ain't lying.

They on the wrong side of the family.


(The sad part was he was speaking about his brother)
Just put the heads in the pot. It'll had flavor.
I know it's crabbing season, but they not Gulf crabs. Look at their bellies. There ain't blue streaks.
Well, we can't invite people over. We outta Zatarains.
Are they in the family? No wonder.

I can't balance my checkbook!!! I told you I don't have any money!!
(All the guys standing around a BOILING crawfish pot holding their beers)

You think it's hot enough? Stick your finger in there and see.
No, she's gonna have to come up with a different date for the wedding. The Saints are playing that day.

----------


## Chantellabella

Somebody!!! Get me a schematic chart!!! A dry erase marker!! 

And a latte! Double whip!! 

Now let's see. 

Hm.


Boredom. 


Hm. Hm. 

*yawn*


Hm. 


I think.


No, that's not right.



Hm.


*checks watch*



Hm. 


Think. think. think. 


Oh! 

No. That's not going to work.


Hm. 


Um. 


Let me get back to you on that one. 

Agonizing break crumbs make a great party favor

Stepping stones are painful when passing through the bladder

Stand by me! Stand by me!! 
Oh wait. I don’t know you!

Roasted kumquats prevent cavities

Slowing boiling toaster strudel can be hazardous to your dog’s health

Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the hail and flattened the spider out
Out came his guts all juicy and sublime
And the itsy bitsy spider’s no longer in my rhyme


Mary had a little lamb
With special sauce and a side order of fries

Cant see over the mountain
Cant see over the sea
Cant see over the toothbrush
And now I have to pee

You can’t trust pigeons
Why?
9 out of 10 dentists say so


Sticking gumdrops in your ears has the most interesting effects

Joy to the world 
Geography’s dead

Maps?? We don’t need no stinkin maps!
We got string!!

This just in.
Blue will now be pink
Yellow will now be green
And water buffalo will sing showtunes on Thursdays
News at 11:00

Tumbleweeds have feelings too. Hug one today!

Stationary stations should start stationery statutes. You just can’t have enough matching envelopes.

Argh!! Said captain catastrophe!! Me parrot swallowed me bandanna 

Watch!

Wait!!

See?

There!

No! There!!

There it is again!!

Air!






Don't give up to the munchkins!! It's our last hope!! Man the spoon flickers!!!

stampeding water buffalo make a beautiful pate.



leprechauns stole my sanity


fig newtons should be ashamed of themselves



speaking of telephones why oh why do you never..........uh............hm................ forgot what i was gonna say. nevermind. 


im a cat whisperer.
i whisper don't pee on my rug 
she pees on my rug and then says "what? speak up. I can't hear you."

tonth dewpwessthas ma it touth to speth

jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
jack fell down and broke his crown
and jill laughed her *** off



open shut them 
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap

is that a jingle for an std commercial?


I thought it was
then it wasn't
so i looked it up on Wiki
Wiki was undecided
but someone had a nice article about building a retroactive perpetual motion device

I just wanted a recipe for dumplings.

Sticks and stones may break my bones.
Well, actually, yes, that would hurt.

Seriously,
Would YOU eat nine day old peas porridge in a pot?

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory dickory dock

OOOKKKAAAYYY!!!

Not much plot
Hickory dickory dock
The mouse stir fried in his wok
The wok burned up
The mouse threw up
Hickory dickory dock

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said 'What a good boy am I!

Now, let's discuss this. 
His moral identity depends on his ability to stick his thumb in a pie and pull out a piece of fruit. So if he stuck in his index finger and pulled out a watermelon, would he be even better? And what if he stuck in his pinky finger? Does that count on the moral meter? And grapes. Are they also considered moral? 
And what would constitute him being a bad boy? Rhubarb pie? Sticking his foot in? 

Want a hobby? Teach a child that this color
is blue
is red
is yellow
and is green
then see what happens 

My favorite book is called Humpty Dumpty Eggsplodes by Kevin O'Malley.
If you can't traumatize kids with books, then life just isn't worth living.

Ever watch a kid run into something?
They bounce.

My corner is a school bus stop. When the kids board the bus I watch what happens.
The elementary school kids have their faces plastered against the window mouthing "help!"
The middle school kids are hugging each other crying
The high school kids hang their head in resignation.

Verbally abusing teenagers is ALWAYS fun!

I'm so tempted to look at a new baby and say "YEAAAAAHHHH! That's an ugly baby!!!"

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel. (why? do monkeys hate weasels? do they hunt them? do they eat them?)
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun. (oh, the monkey is a sadist.........now i get it)
Pop! goes the weasel. ( egads!! why did the monkey explode??? or did he turn around and punch the monkey??? or did the monkey do something tragic???)
A penny for a spool of thread, (obviously this is an old rhyme)
A penny for a needle. (again...........way back when)
That's the way the money goes. (oh, so now the rhyme is talking about a budget.)
Pop! goes the weasel. (i see the plot developing. maybe the monkey was chasing the weasel who owed him money and he shot him with a pop gun. its all getting clearer.)
Up and down the City Road, (so the monkey chased the weasel around town to get his money back)
In and out of the Eagle, (and in and out of bars)
That's the way the money goes. (while the weasel ran with the pennies)
Pop! goes the weasel. (and the monkey shoots at him again)
Half a pound of tuppenney rice, (here we go with the budget analysis again)
Half a pound of treacle, (treacle?? is that edible? it sounds like a bridge part)
Mix it up and make it nice, (so either the monkey killed the weasel and now he's doing a cooking show or hes having an ADD moment and forgot what he was doing.)
Pop! goes the weasel. (almost seems like a weak after thought at this point)
why did the old man need to go rolling home?


Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!


does ANYBODY??!!! see the horror of this rhyme????

tonight on channel four

the spca along with the fbi coordinated a sting to catch a mentally ill man who thought he was king. the man caught 24 blackbirds and baked them alive in a pie!! four and twenty bluebirds were rescued and were not harmed.

in other news a garden maid was severely disfigured when a blackbird swooped down from a tree and bit off her nose. police believe this was a revenge related incident stemming from the four and twenty blackbird murders the same day. 

neighbors have been on the watch, wearing beekeeper masks and scuba equipment, fearing another revenge attack from the blackbird community.

extra police have been assigned to the neighborhood to watch for any suspicious baking.
live from channel 6 news....

three men were spotted rubbing soap on each other in a tub. police identified the exhibitionists as the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. when brought before the judge, they pleaded no contest. the judge shouted TURN THEM OUT KNAVES ALL THREE! 

people in the courtroom had no clue what the judge meant by his charge so they consulted little bo peep who had recently lost all her sheep in a craps game. 

she explained that it all started with humpty dumpty and his equilibrium problem. he also had an addiction to loitering on walls. see humpty had all the horses and cops busy with the glue gun tryna put his head back on. while the kingdom wasnt being watched the three little kittens went on a theft spree, stealing mittens from all the local wally worlds. while they were making a heist, with little kitty masks to hide their identity, the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker decided to form a secret society. they named the secret society RIGHTSIDE IN KNAVES. they wore all their shirts inside out. 

the judge had OCD big time and couldnt stand anybody wearing their clothes inside out. so when he passed sentence on the exhibitionists he was merely screaming FIX YOUR SHIRTS!!

as for the three little kittens............... they were held up in a cave outside nevada against 30 armed fbi agents. the fbi sent in a battering ram while playing love tunes by janis joplin 48 hours prior to the demolition.

the kitties were subdued. 

fe fi fo fum i smell the blood of an englishman


what does the blood of a scotsman smell like?

I see the moon
and the moon sees me


kinda creepy dont ya think? like can he see into the bathroom shower? 

live at the 5 o'clock news

baby severely injured when he fell out of a tree. even though the parent knew it was a windy day, she put the baby and hi cradle up in the branches of the tree. tragically the bough broke. 

here you can see behind me, the mother being hauled off to jail in handcuffs for child endangerment. the baby who only suffered minor fractures contusions and lacerations was placed in the home of his uncle peter peter pumpkin eater.

news flash!!! 

peter peter pumpkin eater, the uncle of the child who fell out of a tree last thursday was arrested for unlawful imprisonment. it seems he put his wife in a pumpkin shell and subsequently the baby also. his reason was I COULDNT KEEP HER. 

police are investigating what peter meant by his statement. was his wife trying to run away? did he just not finish his sentence? 

stay tuned for further investigative reports.

People say “it’s all good.”

what if its all bad??!!!!

like what if tiny ninjas with toothpicks are waiting in the walls for me to go to sleep????!!

and what if cantaloupes are forming armies at this very moment??!!

and what if snowplows decide to climb mt everest????!!!

and what if tiny bubbles pop???!!!!

a lot could happen!!!!!!!!!!!


no more applesauce 

i dont even like applesauce

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
So she gave them some broth, without any bread,
And whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.


does anybody see ANYTHING wrong with this picture???!!!!

mondays child is full of face
tuesdays child is full of flakes
wednesdays child is loving and fibbing
thursdays child hates thanksgiving
fridays child is kinda lazy
saturdays child loves too much paisley
and sundays child gets all the stuff cause their mom loves them better than the other kids

why do characters who deal with children have to coerce them?

Barney the Dinosaur: "Won't you say you love me too?" how sad
Mr Rogers: "Won't you be my neighbor?" again, pathetic 


The Wiggles: 
Where’s Jeff? Is he sleeping outside?
Where’s Jeff? Has he gone for a ride?
Where’s Jeff? Is he in the countryside?
Lookee lookee lookee lookee
Wy yi yi yi no comment, just creeped out

I've gotta shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta clap, clap, clap my crazies out,
Clap, clap, clap my crazies out,
Clap, clap, clap my crazies out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta jump, jump, jump my jiggles out,
Jump, jump, jump my jiggles out,
Jump, jump, jump my jiggles out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta yawn, yawn, yawn my sleepies out,
Yawn, yawn, yawn my sleepies out,
Yawn, yawn, yawn my sleepies out,
And wiggle my waggles away!

I've gotta shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
Shake, shake, shake my sillies out,
And wiggle my waggles away,
And wiggle my waggles away!



what does a waggle look like?

wait..........

don't answer that

im gonna ask strangers to wiggle my waggle away

what if a waggle is a vital body part?
if you wiggle it away you might die

and truly...........

can you really clap a crazy out?

seems like that would close down the pill industry

and wouldn't you look crazy standing there clapping like mad??

kinda defeats the whole clapping the crazy away

and if you can yawn your sleepies out then you can give up sleeping. just think how much free time you can have.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
His name is my name too
When ever we go out
The people always shout
There goes
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt


shouldn't that be there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidts?


i always wanted to have a name with a string of consonants like schlwthfsls.

hi my name is ms schlwthfsls. 

i bet you couldnt say that without spitting. 

or with a mouth full of sunflower seeds

mr wlkejrofsdi, pronounced 'Smith your table is ready

mr jrlwskygy pronounced jones your table has been given away to some guy who cant pronounce phonic sounds correctly

its HOWDY DOODIE TIME!!!

is that how its spelled?


because if thats how its spelled



well we call you know what doodie



so is the show saying hi (you know what)

is the show about potty training?????!!!!!


Day - o! Day a a- o! Daylight come and me wanna go home. Come Mr. Taliman tally me banana. Daylight come and me wanna go home.



huh? 

Oh wait!! I get it! It's Mr. Tally Man!! And the dude with the accent needs to know how much the banana costs. And after he finds out how much the banana costs, he can go home. 



It only took me 30 years to figure that one out.
You know............I would've just drowned Gilligan. 

Then I would've made a boat out of two radio receiver coconuts and sailed back to Hawaii. 

Seriously! Was it truly THAT difficult????



Politics
I vote for the maybe party.
This U.S. President vetoed a law giving full parental rights to chicken farmers over their livestock.
Beep!!
Yes, Ted.
Who is Count Chocula?
Correct!


Religion
Holy Peeps - An online discussion forum for canaries and songbirds who want to discuss God

Literature
To be or not to be– that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep
No more – and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to – ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.
Translation please.
I have issues. I want to die. But I also want to dream. So I guess if I die I won't be dreaming. So maybe I could sleep really soundly. Or die for a little while but can be resuscitated, you know like have an out of body experience and then I could tell everyone about that dream I had. But I have to put myself on pause now (possibly to go to the bathroom?)








i aint therefore i isn’t


Random questions and answers

the answer is c bob.

correct!!

live walruses do not text

a)	asparagus
b) the statue of liberty
c) johannesburg south africa
d) turtle wax
b)	d

do they just put the turtles in a blender and wait till a paste forms??


live on channel 8

dead pigeons



wouldnt that be dead on channel 8?


a a and a penguin went into a bar.........

love shack baby!!

huh?



the sasquatch are coming!! the sasquatch are coming!!!



its the thought that counts


Dust bunnies are procreating their species every 12 seconds.

fireworks rock!


i can sleep with my eyes open...........



watch..........

here come the reindeer!!


i found out

cant for the life of me think of it

cant for the death of me forget it
cant for the unconscious of me maybe it
cant for the drunk of me not slur it
too bad i aint drunk
so if you drank alchohol your drunk



if you eat food are you ate?
bananas are our friends
people just do not see the humor in mailboxes
i killed a mailbox once
it angered me
tazers are our friends
tazers should be used on anyone who asks a stupid question
can you tell me where 

what was i saying 
i talk to crawfish


they talk back
pillows cry
sheeps snort water!!
why dont we sleep with our hands and feet up in the air?
sheep dont eat shrimp
sheep dont eat shrimp
sheep dont eat shrimp 




no more waffles
people talk to cantalopes because they listen
pickles for everyone!!

jalapenos for no one!
my tableware left on vacation
the letter q feels lonely
do sheep count sheep to sleep?
do sheep sleep with their feet in the air to sleep?

elephants told me they voted last year
little bo peep lost her sheep

did she go looking for them like god?
god likes details
if you throw a ball way up in the air and it never comes down does god intercept it?
i bet god plays a mean game of basketball. he probably scores every time
does god were sneakers?

why did the basketball cross the road?
the answer is c, bob


correct!! for 600 points
road warrior??


why are you fighting the road??

did it do something to you?
i can see him 

sword in hand

dodging the semis


saying 


take THAT!!

and THAT!!

beating it to a pile of gravel


ok what was i talking about?? 

just kidding


dont beat me!!!!


my cat texted your cat
im sending you a bill

contrary to popular belief it is NOT further to new york or by boat


there will be a short news break on the hour for the president of the united states to apologize for stating such a way out there statement


thank you


Hah!!!! Somebody's been reading law!! 

Or watching Judge Judy. 

are cows holy cause people are always yelling HOLY COW!!

and what about HOLY CHICKEN!!

or HOLY PENGUIN!

there was a sign at the door!!!!

didnt anybody read the sign??????
the sign said no eggplant with sticks


its clearly marked


its under the sign that says mens bathroom
dont TOUCH me!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha!!!!



dogs fart
pigeons fly
birds do bookkeeping

do you own a llama??
you seriously need to get that leak fixed
Warning: this is a thread take over. Pleas do not panic.
from which orafice is the leak coming from??????????????????????
RED alert!! READ alert!!! hostile takeover in progress!!!!!


somebody call the mafia!!!!!

kiwis eat llamas!!!!
You don't want to know.... This leak is a bad one....
kiwis make coats out of llamas!!!!!
Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


Yeah, but only nose coats



lets analyze this sentence


what is the kiwi talking about????

does he wear coats on his nose????


did you ask him what his coat is made out of?????


LLAMAS I TELL YOU!!! LLAMAS!!!!

its all quite disturbing

i have superior toes
theres a cat eating my fingers!!!!!
just the crunchy parts
ow!! back off cat@@@

that last ones was the cat
yes i have bisquit parts


people dont live in trees
i cant believe its not butter
why are you telling me this captain

im a doctor not a 
chicken
dinosaur
telescope
first grade teacher
watermelon
grapefruit
asparagus


people treat cantaloupe like their special
i say let them eat with the peasants!!

just in time for the shopping season

exploding balls!

fun to watch the little faces of the little innocent children who totally don't expect that to happen. 

Not a big explosion. Just enough to make them wet themselves.

I may be crazy, but I have my limits.

just in time for the shopping season

exploding balls!

fun to watch the little faces of the little innocent children who totally don't expect that to happen. 

Not a big explosion. Just enough to make them wet themselves.

I may be crazy, but I have my limits.

In the interest of mankind, mankind will elevated to the term "beingthathappenstoliveontheplanetkind."

Those of you who do not live on the planet, need to come up with your own term. 

Thank you. 

Is it ok to eat jello for dinner? 

I mean. Just jello.

the green kind.

----------


## Chantellabella

Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am.

What about in a box? 


Um. Wouldn't that be kinda messy?

STOP!!!!


In the name of love
Before you break ..............uh,...............something.

Break my dove?
Break my leg?

Hm.


Break my bone?

Watch my lips move........................

Yes! 


Uh............no!



I mean............yes!


uh............maybe..................uh........... .......


What was the question?



Oh yea! 


What is watermelon?


Correct! for 200 points!


What? The curtains?

Just in time for the stamp licking.

Spiffy is as spiffy does.

It's just not fun unless the seagulls eat the chickens.

I am losing my presence of mind. 

Or maybe I lost it.

Do you think I can get a new one from Craigslist?


Pigeons rarely discuss bowling alleys.

At least I believe that to be the case.

Ok. 

So I was reading the four pack of toilet tissue today (don't ask). I'm curious about a few things. One, was that the small print said to have a toilet roll handy when you call them. I discovered that each roll has a number. I'll bet you didn't know that. 

Also, the package said "Made from USA and foreign material. Kinda elusive there don't ya think? What kinds of material??!!

Then it said "May be under patent 265749." What if it isn't under that patent? Is there another patent??!! I'm a tad concerned that they're not sure if it's under a patent. As a librarian, those things are easy to find out. So why is the Scott company in the dark about their product? And do they even know what material is in the tissue and where it comes from??

Geesh! 

You think you're safe and then you find out that even the toilet tissue companies are confused and elusive.

I just can't seem to understand the problem.

Is it margarine or butter? 


Some nights I stay awake just thinking about it.


And don't get me started about the ingredients in soap.


Oh the humanity!!!

----------


## Daniel C

Well, okay then. I very much doubt whether anyone will have the energy to read it, but here you go:

*The epic and unbelievable story that is yet to have a name*

*Part 1*
I walk through the centre of Seoul. Not that I've ever been in Seoul, but this is a fictional story, so it doesn't matter. Left of me the skyscrapers arise like shipwrecks. Right of me there are also skyscrapers, but they don't look like shipwrecks. I'm thinking of transforming myself into magpie (which is possible since this is a fictional story), when suddenly a flock of thylacines comes busting around the corner. I step out of my fictional story for a moment to google what thylacines are and find out the thylacine was thought to be extinct since 1936. So I take out my fictional iPhone and phone CNN to report my discovery that the thylacine is very much alive and residing in the centre of Seoul. However, at that exact moment, a shower that consists entirely of Kellogg's cornflakes breaks out. In a desperate attempt to save myself from the fate of being buried alive in Kellogg's cornflages, which even fictionally would be a very silly way to die, I head into the closest building I see. Inside this building I see a strange flash of light, but unfortunately I have to step out of my fictional story because it's bedtime.

*Part 2*
I head back into my fictional story in order to discover the source of the mysterious light. It turns out the flash is emitted by a crystal orb located in the centre of a round table. Around the table I see several famous people, the most notable of which are Michael Phelps, Lady Gaga, Rupert Murdoch, Stephen Fry and Kim Jong-un. I walk over to Kim Jong-un to ask him for his signature, but he doesn't seem to notice me and stares blindly at the luminous sphere on the table. In this orb I see the face of Mark Zuckenberg giving unintelligible orders to the fascinated spectators. This shines an interesting new light on the world's power structures and I decide to step outside and report my findings to CNN, who anyway I still have to inform about my discovery of the thylacines. My eyes have to adjust one moment to the busy light of the city, which turns out to have magically transformed into Barcelona. I find this an auspicious turn in the story, since I have visited Barcelona before which enablese me to enrich the story with some realistic details to give it more credebility. Unfortunately at that moment an orange turtle falls out of the air, crushing the skull of a living statue before me and ruthlessly obliterating any chances of making this story into a realistic narration. (Secretly Pretentious, if this story wouldn't be fictional I would pick up the turtle and send it to your address so you could practice your hobby on it, but alas in this situation I could only send a fictional turtle to your fictional address which probably wouldn't be of much use to you). I forget all about my intention to phone CNN and decide to walk down the Ramblas towards the statue of Columbus. At this point I decide to use my powers as almighty narrator of this story to remove the Columbus image and replace it by an enormous representation of myself. Content, I walk directly into the sea and disappear out of sight. 

*Part 3*
I walk through the endless sea that spreads around me in a thousand shades of aquamarine. The fish, the plants and the bubbles seeping out of my nostrils all propel tranquilly as if they try hard to fossilise in their paths. The few tentative sunbeams that can reach me eddy around, having lost all connection with the golden discus that sent them. Just a few more steps and I'll have forgotten where I came from, where I'm heading to and what my name sounds like above the surface. However, at that moment my blissfulness is sadly interrupted by an anchor crashing down like a missile and causing a sandstorm that subducts my sight for a second or eight. I decide to follow the rusty chain upwards to see who is responsible for this preposterous interference. It turns out the malefactor is a shiny fishing boat manned only by a girl that could have been a mermaid, except that her smooth legs are nothing like a fish tail. I decide that it is time for the story to feature some romance, so I put my hand in her dark soggy hair (which I can only do after reassuring myself this story is really fictional) and ask her if she is lost. She nods, during the process of which I notice her right eye is turquoise whereas her left one is azure. I ask her: "Did you ever notice your right eye is turquoise whereas your left one is azure?" She nods again. I ask her how she ended up in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea (which, I remember, is where you end up when you walk straightly off the beach in Barcelona). She says in a waxen voice that she was living in a port town in Southern France in her father's tiny restaurant, serving haddock and mackerel to the rich Russian tourists, when suddenly the village was overtaken by a swarm of flying fish that haunted the residents far into the hills. She tells me she was the only one figuring that the only way to escape the fish's jagged molars was to head in the opposite direction, that she took her father's fishing boat and was blown away by a gust of wind sent by Saint Antonius. While she speaks something's glistering on her right cheak below the turquoise eye. I take it on my left ring finger and bring it to the tip of my tongue. It tastes salt. I want to say something but my tongue is made of thistle. Around us everything is blue.

*Part 4*
"Listen," I say, suffering the little pricks my thistle tongue makes in my canopy, "I'm going to ask you something. Think well before you answer, because it could change your life to the Point of No Return, like a leaf on the edge of a waterfall. Are you willing to join me in the most crazy adventure you have ever known, ever will know and ever will think off?" She looks at me with her turquoise and her azure eye that seam to compete for the most attention. "Why?" she wispers, quelling her face so that her dark brown hairs cover the shoulders of the beige dress she wears, a dress that's stained with the grease of haddock and mackerell. I realise it would not be very helpful to tell her the truth, which is that she is part of a fictional story that needs a lot more craziness because it is posted on a thread entirely dedicated to craziness on a website that I have come to cherish because of my inability to talk to people face-to-face. Instead I tell her: "Who doesn't value the crazy is not a human being but a greenhouse plant sunken into an oasis of self-delusion." I have no idea what that means, but it sounds interesting. "Alors on va," she says, suddenly lapsing to her native language at this critical moment, while her azure eye now clearly shines more brightly than her turquoise one. At that moment an enormous wooden laddle crushes through the surface next to our fishing boat. I jump into the hollow head, then look back at the red fishing boat where she still stands at the rail with a skeptical look in both of her eyes, but especially in her turquoise one. "You can't go back now," I say with a smile that transfer false determination (because really, I too have no idea how a giant spoon could bring this story any further). But she jumps in, I cry: "To the horizon and beyond!" and seven dolphins appear at the sides of the spoon and push it forward so that the winds plays in our hairs, to the horizon where at that moment the sun sets and changes the heaven to a palette of gold and orange.

*Part 5*
Later, Mark Zuckerberg couldn't remember the exact moment he was first visited by the extraterrestial. It was in the period long before his mondial renown, when he had just come to accept he would probably be a loser for the rest of his life, a smart loser perhaps, but a loser anyway. He had just returned from a failed date and when he opened the door to his cramped student room there was this shining creature sitting on the sofa he had inherited from his grandmother, though he appeared not to be there entirely, as a phantom, or a hologram. Or a hallucination. Mark swallowed.
The extraterrestial had, without any introduction, told him an incomprehensible story about seven crystal orbs that apparently contained the art of telepacy and had been gifted to the city of Atlantis, but later had been confiscated because the Atlantan autorities had misused their powers. At this point Mark was positive he was suffering a mental breakdown and begged the extraterrestial to leave. "If you're not ready for your task, I'll give you some more time," the creature had spoken. "I'll send you a sign of my existence. Call me when you're ready," and then he had evaporated like a fog veil. The next day Mark had received seven independent love declerations from the most attractive girls of his university. Convinced the extraterrestial was indeed existent and probably also almighty, he had waited for him that evening, while a rain shower scourged the Harvard campus. The creature had appeared again and continued his disquisition. 
"After the destruction of Atlantis, the Ministery of Intercosmial Affairs, for which I then was only a humble servant, granted the orbs to seven of the wisest civilisations in the world. Egypt, China, the Mayas. Because of an administrative error no less then two of the orbs ended up in modern Germany. They were both confiscated in 1941. After that, all of the spheres have been lost to humankind. Only we know where to find them. And we've decided that it is time to this time grand them to one person."
"You don't mean to say..."
"Indeed. Are you willing to take up the task, Mark?"
Mark gazed at the half-transparent eyes of the extraterrestial in utter amazement. "Why me?" he wispered.
"The outcome of the Commission for Telepatic Inquiry shows that you are the most intelligent individual of your kind. So we're convinced you could use the powers that will be granted to you with discretion," the extraterrestial said in his murmorous voice. He vaguely resembled a human being, though Mark could not determine whether he was male or female. Maybe those terms didn't exist whereever this creature came from.
"I'm thirsty. Can you give me some of ... whatever you consume here when you are thirsty." Mark disappeared into his moisty kitchen and returned with a cup of tea. The extraterrestial lubricated it with extraordinary precision. When he was done a beatifical smile appeared on his face and his eyes appeared to shine with the light of seven billion lightyears away. "I'd like you to suppy us with considerable amounts of this divine liquid when you are in power. That's an additional condition for our agreement." Mark nodded. He felt absolutely powerless.

*Part 6*
Our dolphins are riding the waves, and in the middle our spoon is propelled like a catamaran. We sit side by side; sometimes, when the wind plays in a peculiar way, her hair touches my right jowl, tickles my cheekbones. When I look to the right I can only see her azure eye. It makes her look younger, more playful, less brooding. There are myriad things I want to say but they all slip past my tongue like the seawater around us. So I start to think about what I saw in Seoul and Barcelona, about the thylacines, the corn flakes, and the secret conspiracy that was apparently led by Mark Zuckerberg. That didn't surprise me, I never trusted Zuckerberg. Maybe he's got more power than people can imagine, maybe the world itself is a product of his digital system. Just like in the Matrix. 
I turn my head and ask: "Did you ever watch the Matrix?"
"No," she says, "but I did watch 'Il y a longtemps que je t'aime'." I nod. I have never heard of that movie. 
My almost-mermaid companion turns her head and her pupils dilate. "What happened to your hair?" she asks.
"My hair?"
"One minute ago it was quite long, for a boy at least, and now it is very short."
I search for words to explain that this is because in that minute I slipped back into reality, visited the hairdresser, and returned to my fictional story. But I don't want to confuse her so instead I say: "Didn't I tell you this was going to be the most crazy adventure you'll ever encounter?" She nods, but suspiciously, as if she's already regretting her decision of some minutes ago. I open my mouth, taste the salt wind, then close it again. I remember I still have my fictional iPhone so I can look up to where the dolphins are heading. Amazingly, my connection turns out to be still intact in the middle of the Mediterranean. It turns out the dolphins have dodged Italy and are now somewhere between Greece and Egypt. At that moment, however, I hear the roar of splitting water, I feel the ladle sink beneath me, I feel the sting of liquid in my nose, and the next moment I can see the dolphins have taken us underwater, dragging us towards the faraway bottom. I clamp to the spoon and close my eyes. Are the dolphins trying to drag us down to the reefs of oblivion? Are they taking a shortcut? The water beeches in my face and between my lungs, I feel a strange germ of panic somewhere between my heart and my stomach, I hold my eyes closed and clamp, I hear nothing but a muted roar, I can't even see whether the French castaway is still on my side, I can't hold on much longer, the current is getting too strong, I clamp with all power. And then suddenly silence. I open my eyes and see nothing but black. I remember this is because my eyes are pressed to the spoon and I look up. For twenty four full seconds I can't breath even though I'm already breathless. Before stretch turquoise houses, sand streets and boulevards, spiral towers and opal palaces. I feel the panting of my companion in my neck but I can't look backwards. The city appears to be locked inside an enormous bubble made out of transparent crystal, like a giant snow globe. Before us in the bank of the moisty road stands a wooden sign, overgrown with seaweed but still well readable. It shows a painting of a man and a woman playing like children in the sand, like those advertisements for the Costa Brava, and above in black letters we read: "Welcome to Atlantis, the city where it never rains." 
"Your were right," her chappy voice gasps behind me, "you were right."

*Part 7*
The light in Atlantis appears to be made out of a different substance. Whereas in any other place it appears to fall down without hesitation, here it flutters in spiral paths. Whereas anywhere else it only shows itself when touching the surface of something, here it appears to shine along its entire route. It is a pure, cyan essence that you cannot touch but that you sense between all your pores, clear and turbid at the same time, filling the entire orb with a magical fog that is no fog, like a gaseous syrup.
We enter the city through a marble gate of which the right pillar has collapsed but of which the top still magically floats above our heads. On both sides figures can be seen, but they have been digested by algae and mussels (on dry ground? strange). We scuff along the cracked pavement from which ferny plants come taste the air. 
"Where is everyone?" my French semi-mermaid asks. I love how she can't pronounce the 'w'. 
"I don't know," I say.
She looks at me and a confounded frown plows her forehead. "Where did you get those gloves?"
"These gloves..." I repeat. "Uhm... someone advised me to wear them."
"He advised you to wear gloves whenever you visited Atlantis?"
"It was a she. But yeah, that's right. She said: 'You don't know where those Atlanteans have been.'" 
In her dissonant eyes I can read her trust in me is rapidly declining. To distract the situation I point at a weatherworn sign board and say: "Lo, a hotel! Let's see if we can get a room to spend the night." 
Reluctantly, she follows me inside the dusky metalled lobby. "'Ello? Is there somebody?" the voice of my ally in bizarreness echoes between the walls. Somewhere deep in the building a nervous rumble starts to call out, gradually coming closer, until after two full minutes the door behind the counter opens. A man appears who consists entirely of greenish hair and wrinkles. His voice creaks with the wastage of years' inactivity. 
"Visitors?" he mumbles in a strange accent, "Visitors? Ha! I knew they would come. Always clean the beds in the morning, always serve breakfast and tea, even when there is nobody to drink it. I knew somebody would finally come to feel my duvets, to taste my croissants. Did you know I serve mackerell in the morning?"
I can see the girl is scared, even though she faintly reacted at the words 'croissants' and 'mackerell'. Even though I have no reason to be scared myself (this is my story, remember? the man came out of my own imagination) I still am. 
"Please write your names in the visitors' book," he squeaks, pulling out a chestnut brown book. "It's been so long since I had vistors. I can't remember."
I open the giant book and turn to the first free page, afraid the parchment will moulder between my fingertops. The last visitor entry turns out to date from 'July 14, 5470 BC'. 
"Do you have a pen?" I ask.
"A what, young man?"
"A ... a quill?"
"Ah! Of course, how could I forget?"
The mastodon positions a quill and ink bottle on the table. In purple letters I write: 
Daniel C and companion, September 10, 2012 AD.
The man eagerly pulls the book away when I'm finished, so that an ink stain forms at the bottom of the page. It is hard to see because of the hair, but his face seems to deform with excitement. 
"Are you really Daniel C?"
"I am, why?"
"We've been waiting for you, young man. And for you too, young lady. You're expected."

*Part 8*
On the sixth morning of the infinite Atlantean night I wake up inside my seaweed bed. My head is still filled with the remnants of hazy dreams full of thylacines, dolphins and other mirages. Looking around along the wreck-wooden paneling, I realise there has never been a dream. Perhaps Atlantis is a dreamless place. I must ask the all but fossilised proprietor about that.
The wooden planks on which I prudently place my twinkling feet feels sodden with the liquid of five thousand years gone. Shivering, I shuffle towards the bathroom to take a shower. Upon seeing my face in the mirror I convulse. My hair appears to have taken on a grizzled glimmer, and my face appears to be covered with algae, as if it were a patch of wood. Quickly I open the copper shower faucet. The water feels warm like and old friend's hug, but its colour is greenish and remembers me of hotel owner's skin. Or, indeed, my own. I'm not sure if I like this place.
I towel with a sponge-like rag and quickly put on my cloths before sitting down on the edge of my bed (did I really sleep in there?). I ponder a bit while letting the cyan morning light creep over the moisty planking. I remember six days ago (they feel like six years, or even six thousand years) the fossil told me there was someone waiting for me. I'd better request to install the meeting as swiftly as possible. Precariously, I put my hands (are those really wrinkles?) inside my pockets and remember I have an iPhone with me. Amazingly, it turns out to have survived my underwater adventures and, in fact, appears to be the only object in the room to be unimpaired by the algae's corruption. I log in on facebook to see one of my friends just failed for his theoretical statistics exam. Once, I read someone claim facebook brought people closer together, but I cannot remember having ever felt so alone as now in my soggy hotel room, reading about my friend's theoretical statistics exam. I decide to take a picture of the turquoise city outside the window and upload it on my profile, adding the text: "Sight from my hotel room @Atlantis". Whilst doing so, I notice there is a gnawing hunger inside my intestines and I hurry outside the door, through the dusky corridor, off the stairs padded in scarlet, through a door reading 'Breakfast'. There are about ten tables for four persons each, and on the other side of the room there is an old woman gobbling a red lobster. I shakily shamble towards her, then utter a timid cough when I'm standing right behind her. Two eyes anxiously scan my face, one turquoise, the other azure. How could I have forgotten her? Just like mine, her hair has been subject to a rapid ageing-process, her skin has become bumpy like putrid parchment, but her eyes shine with the same determination, still contesting each other for the most attention.
"It's me," I wisper, "Daniel C. Your recognise me?"
"Take me away from here," she hisses.
"We can't, remember? The hotel owner told us we were expected by someone."
"That's right! Are you ready to come?" clanks a rusty voice behind me. I turn around. The proprietor is the only one of us three not having withered during the night. Probably he's already reached the pinnacle of withered-ness. 
"Please, I want to eat something. I'm hungry," I mourn. It sounds like a child's supplication. What's happening to me?
After having devoured a quiche made of seaweed, and having convinced myself never to set one foot in Atlantis again once I'm gone, the proprietor guides us to the street. "May I have your hand?" he asks with an ominous smile on his face.
"Why?" I ask nervously. 
"Why, to draw a map of the route you've got to follow. You don't want to get lost in this city, trust me."
"Can't you just use pap... parchment?"
"What's the difference?"
That's a good point. Reluctantly, I protrude my right hand. The quill tickles while the purple ink sucks itself into my skin cells. I quiver. 
"Done!" he says. "Good luck!"
"Why aren't you coming with us?" the French girl (girl? woman?) asks.
"Ha! You're a stranger. You wouldn't understand even if I told you. This city is no longer home to its inhabitants. Have a good trip!" and the door sinks into its hinges with a tremulous tumult. 
"Right?" she say. "And now? Let me see your hand." I raise it to eye's hight, and to my horror I see the ink has already commenced disintegrating. I prepare to knock on the door again, but the girl pulls back my arm. "Wait! Your gloves. You had transparant doctor's gloves with you, right?"
She's right. I stretch into my back pocket and pull out a creasy set of gloves, quickly shuffling them over my hands. It works: the inks stops blurring. We're just in time, the lines are just barely visible. "That way," I mumble, pointing in the direction of some tower that closely resembles the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona (ah, Barcelona. Why did I ever decide to walk into the sea?). Our route resembles a labyrinth, but thanks to my nonpareil sense of direction I manage to guide us through the avenues, lanes, alleys, all flanked by crumbled or collapsed buildings and bathing in ultramarine shadows. We do not meet a single human being. Sometimes one or both of us think to hear a controlled howling in one of the side-alleys, but neither of us is brave enough to examine its origins. 
"I'm scared," her voice swims through the syrup air.
I want to say "me too," but I don't. Instead I say: "We're almost there."
And I'm right. We turn around a final aisle and stand opposite a swingeing palace, comprising spiraling steeples, meandering arcades, gardens filled with surreal plants and balconies made of unblended gold. Around stretches a fence made of cast iron, the gate being decorated with a bronze bell and an ivory sign saying: "Visitors, please ring." 
I ring.
A Tantarean sounds vibrates out of the bell, right through our bones, and further, in a perfect, expanding sphere around us, until it reaches the elfin castle. What follows is silence.

*Part 9*
Mark was sipping his tea in one of the fourty-six rooms of his residence in Palo Alto, California. His shoeless feet rested carelessly on the mahogany desk covered in sheets, telephones, and an exclusive Apple computer. He looked hushfully towards the Picasso painting on the other side of his office. It depicted a bare-breasted woman torn in some gruesome position, most of her limbs scattered all over the canvas's perifery. Mark had never fully understood what people saw in Picasso, but he had been unable to resist the temptation at the auction in London town, if only for the flabbergasted expressions that had appeared on the fat men's puffy faces when he'd cried out 'Thirty million!' And now he was stuck with an unsightly Picasso painting staring to him from the other side of his office. He thought of donating it to the Gugenheim to reinforce his image of generous benefactor.
One of his phones ran. It was his mother. Mark anwered obediently.
"Mark! Why didn't you call me yesterday? It's been a full week now!"
"I'm sorry mom," Mark defended himself nervously, "it's been a difficult week for me." 
That was true. His man in Asia had phoned him repeatedly, mostly in the middle of the night, to report some serious deviations in everyday processes. For instance, a flock of thylacines had been spotted in the centre of Seoul. Mark was currently investigating if his crystal orb - telepacy could have some unexpected side-effects. 
"Nuts! Don't talk about petty excuses. I'm your mother! I hope you'll remeber to call me on Sisi's birthday, otherwise you'll be in great trouble!"
She hung up. Mark couldn't remember who Sisi was - it was either the cat or the chihuahua. He'd phone his sister for more information.
Mark lived in the constant realisation that he had more power than any human being before him. Soon enough he had discovered that the extraterrestrial's crystal orbs could not only be used to read other people's thoughts, but also to implement his own thoughts into other people's brains - in other words, to give telepatic orders. He had submitted the entire world elite - politicians, world leaders, public figures - and now he held weekly meetings were he could update the brains of the chosen people with his recent plans.. These meetings had place in six of Mark's favourite cities, one in each continent, among which he had divided six of the crystal orbs, the seventh one of course always being close to Mark himself. 
Soon he had realised that to have a really thight grip on mankind would require him to know the thoughts, amibitions and opinions of common people as well. This was too much to handel telepatically - he didn't have time to listen to seven billion people independently. That was why he had set up facebook, and it had been a tremendous success. The program gathered all relevant information, arranged it, and presented it to him so that he knew what was going on in the mind of the Common Man. It was an infallible system. He had the world in the palm of his hand, he provided order and prosperity for those who deserved it, he kept the extraterrestrial content with huge amounts of tea imported from China - it worked, it all worked. Except the strange events in Seoul last week, they didn't fit into his system. It was not enough to make him panic, but it did plant a slumbering sense of anxiety inside him, on a place he didn't know existed. 
Mark was also a bit pissed off this week because his three hundred and thirty second girlfriend had just broken up. It was only the seventh time this had happened - usually he was the one to decide the relationship had lasted long enough. She had said that he was a 'snob', a 'parvenu' and an 'arrogant, stinking *******'. He could have called her back, of course, but there were others, many others. 
He decided to log on to his computer and see what would be the most popular posts of today. While the computer took seconds to check his password, he lifted his eyes to the green-framed window, through which the fierce Californian light seeped inside.
The computer was ready. Mark logged on to his Facebook Control Centre - a program codenamed 'blue zebra' - and waited for the results to upload. For one moment he closed his eyes and listened to the faraway shouts, klaxons, and bird chirping, that sounded muted as if it came from underwater. Mark noticed a strange feeling of happinness.
When he opened his eyes again he thought, for some seconds, he was in a dream. Then he realised he was still alive and a deep sense of panic - a feeling he had not experienced for at least four years - rose from his pancreas to squeeze his trachea and fill his brain. On the screen, irrefutably, there was a post of a certain 'Daniel C', reading 'Sight from my hotel room @Atlantis'. Above there was a picture that, if anything, was definitely not photoshopped - Mark had enough digital experience to ascertain that. 
In the many evaluations he had had with the extraterrestrial, the possibility that someone would ever discover Atlantis had never passed the table, and not a moment had he considered that possibility. He had no idea whatsoever what the consequences could be, but he had nothing to gain and everything to lose. He stood up, walked over to the Picasso and sank to his knees. He had the feeling somewhere, someone, was inaudibly laughing at him.

*Part 10*
At the occassion of one of their first meetings, the extraterrestrial had given Mark a phone number he could use, 'but only in case of emergency'. Mark judged that this fell under the category 'emergency' and rushed over to the secret vault located at the other side of his mansion. Halfway he almost tripped over the maid that had been taking care of his fourty-six rooms for four years now with an extraordinary efficiency. He also generally enjoyed the way her hips moved under that blue uniform. But he had no time to pay attention to that now and just wished her a pleasant day, which she replayed with her signature shy smile. 
The vault was located behind an early Renoir painting (bought in Paris) showing a well-rounded young lady. He typed in the six-digit code -which he had modelled after his mother's birthday, so that he would be sure to never forget it- and peered into the dark steel box containing nothing but the orb and a scrap of paper taken out of what had then been his college noteblock. 
Mark's telephonic interlocution with the extraterrestrial was slightly delayed by the fact the telephone number happened to consist of three hundred and fourty six numbers, and by the unpleasant interruption of his mother, who phoned him when he was somewhere near the 250th digit with the message that Susie's (whose?) dog had been taken to hospital because of an ingrown toenail. But finally the extraterrestrial's serene yet magisterial voice sounded into his ear. 
"I hope this is urgent. I'm currently in the middle of a meeting with the board of the Committee for Ecological Spacial Garbage Management."
"Oh," Mark humbly replied, "I'm sorry. I didn't wish to disturb you. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly how urgent this is, but..."
"Just tell me, man."
Funnily, the extraterrestrial and Mark couldn't communicate telepathically whenever the distance was more than 300 lightyears - the extraterrestrial's planet reputedly being 3420 lightyears away.
"Well... The case is as follows. Apparently, someone... I don't know him, he calls himself 'Daniel'... Anyway, some human being has apparently, don't ask me how he did it, but apparently he discovered the whereabouts of the sunken city of Atlantis."
A long silence followed - it wasn't actually that long, but because Mark was used the extraterrestrial always immediately replied, it looked -sounded- like eternity. Even though he couldn't read them, Mark was positive the extraterrestrial's thoughts were something like 'What the hell'.
Finally, the reply sounded. "Okay, stay where you are. This is serious. I'm coming to you. I'll break off this meeting as quickly as possible and then I'll teleport. Hang on for a second."
(Note: Isn't this story getting exciting? If not, you're very mean. I'm honestly trying to make it exciting. Of course, exciting in a crazy way. Which is probably not the same as exciting. Okay, it's just crazy. Anyway.)
Three seconds later, the air around the armchair in the middle of the room started to solidify into what finally became the contours of the extraterrestrial. He looked tired, it was the first time he actually showed some sign of weakness. "Give me some... what was it called again?"
"Tea," Mark completed intuitively.
"Tea. Give me some tea please."
While Mark pushed the command button for the waitress to bring a teapot, the extraterrestrial started speaking - much faster than Mark was used of him.
"Listen," he said, "I -everyone- thought at the time Atlantis was probably destroyed, that it was buried under the salt water and nobody would ever be able to recover it. Are you sure... Yeah, right" -that was the advantage of being telepathical, you didn't have to interrupt your monologues to wait for an answer- "Right, well, it doesn't matter how this could happen, we need to act swiftly. If Atlantis still exists, there is a considerable -if not probable- chance the secret of the crystal orbs will still be known to the survivors. Which would mean this -what was his name again?- this Daniel C -whose name is Daniel anyway?- that this Daniel C is at the brink of unraveling the greatest mystery of all time. Which would lead him back to you. And with him the entire population of this planet. In other words, if we don't do anything everyone will soon know that you have been manipulating their lives for years. What do you think would happen?"
"Uhm... I don't know, really," Mark stuttered. "I think they would be... not amused. People on this planet generally don't like to be rule by one person, you know. They're all mad about this idea called 'democracy'".
The extraterrestrial gestured as if he needed to get rid of an irritating bug. "Ah, don't tell me about it. On our planet, we had this 'democracy' experiment... well, I don't want to be remembered to that period. Anyway, the situation is as follows: we need to do something, otherwise the human race will... eliminate you."
"We don't do that usually. I think I'd be imprisoned for life."
"Anyway. We need to stop this 'Daniel C'. And there's no way we could do that from here. You need to travel to Atlantis yourself. I cannot follow you there. Now is the chance to prove your aptitude for your position. Is everything clear?"
"Wait. When you say 'stop him', do you actually mean..." Though Mark already knew the answer. 
"You've got carte blanche, dear fellow. This is a matter of terrestrial importance. Right? Off you go then."
And the extraterrestrial vaporised like a raindrop. At the same moment the door opened, the waitress bringing in the teapot. Mark snatched it from her hands and drank three cups in a row. He felt terrified, exhilarated and anxious at the same time. Above all he felt the ache of his tea-burnt canopy.

*Part 11*
After two full minutes of silence, during which not even our breath dares disturb the moisty air, the cast iron gate creaks open with a tremulous roar, as if moved by an invisible gatekeeper. "Come," I wisper, taking my companion's wrinkled hand inside my own, the rubber glove crackling against her skin. We shuffle along the winding lane, between solidified fountains and purple plants and statues without a head, towards a pair of doors that are supposedly made out of ebony that hides beneath a layer of soft seaweed. 
"I better just knock, right?"
The sound of my knuckles echoes between walls extracted from our sight. This time we only have to wait half a minute before the ebony doors open with equal tumult, showing the silhouette of a hunchbacked figure lined out against the golden light of a prodigious entrance filled with stairs, paintings and chandeliers.
"We've been waiting for you, please come further. I'm the butler," the figure says in a courteous voice. As soon as we pass the gate, a warm and refreshing feeling comes over me, and in me, and looking down I see the skin behind my gloves has reverted to its normal form. Next to me, the French girl has also regained her youthful mermaid-like appearance.
"What in heaven's name just..."
"Please have some patience, dear visitor. I'm only the butler. Please follow me."
The French girl (perhaps I should ask her name, I think, but no, that would divest her veil of mystery) pulls my arm as if it is a safety break. "I don't trust this," she whispers, while the old butler waddles up the ivory stairs, "he's only guiding us deeper into this realm of nightmare. I want to go..." She doesn't finish her sentence, but I can think the word she wanted to utter.
"Listen," I whisper back (I've never been a good whisperer, it always sounds either creepy or ridiculous and in this moment it sounds both), "listen, we can't go away, remember? We're stuck here. If we'd try to leave this place we'd drown before reaching the surface. Perhaps whoever lives here can help us escape."
She falls still, but I can hear her thinking "Why did I ever come with you?", which is strange, because normally I am rather pathetic at guessing other people's thoughts. 
We join the butler, who has patiently waited for the conclusion of our silent conversation, up the stairs. He opens two glass doors and leads us to a long corridor decorated with paintings of bearded men and a few women, all wearing the same scallop crown over their long, vegetal hairs. The butler moves in front of us without hesitating, like a vehicle. It gets colder and colder, I feel my skin bend beneath my sweater. No one talks, the corridor is seemingly endless, it bends off to the left, then bends back again, now and then we pass a door but the butler walks past them without even moving his neck musles. Sometimes we pass a painting that I think I've seen before, but all the men have similar beards and all the women have the same aura of remoteness. I start to wonder if my companion was right, if we are indeed guided towards a point from where no return is possible, where we will be fed to the damp putrefaction of Atlantis that will devour our fingers first, then our skin, our organs, our heart, and then, at the very last, our brains. At that point, however, we turn around a sudden corner and before us the corridor ends in two dark brown doors with inlaid pearls in them. 
"Please enter," the butler says. I put my hand to the doorknob and feel it's made of ice.

*Part 12*
And I feel it is made of ice. Through the thin layer of rubber the cold takes hold of my trebling hand; quickly I push open the door, it moves without a sound. The unreal light that crashes through the dooway blinds us for a moment, but as soon as our eyes are accustomed to this brighter shade of light, the situation unfolds for us in all its imposture. Everything ice, from the reflective floor to the lofty ceiling to the semi-transparent walls that, at an unfathomable distance, appear to contain the frozen bodies of garble figures. But our eyes are irrevocably drawn by the centrepiece of this bizarre scene, to a trone made of bright blue block of frazil, upon which is seated a lady surrounded by seventeen spheres of infrangible beauty that fill the entire room. She wears the scallop crown I have seen in the paintings, together with a sapphire dress that droops all the way to the floor. At here feet lies a unicorn, white as a seagull with gold foil manes, gently chewing a lump of seewead. I am flabbergasted in all parts of my soul.
"Welcome, you both," she says with a smile that indorses centuries of solitude and makes me feel naked and vulnerable, "I owe you an explanation. It was me who sent you the dolphins, it was me who instructed the old hotelier and the dear butler at the other side of the door. I need your help."
I am struck by a strong sense of forgetfulness regarding the art of speaking. The only thing that leaves my mouth is an animal-like squeak. 
"Don't worry," the Atlantean queen smiles, "you don't have to say anything. I can read you, and I see you're both anxious. I understand, you've been through a lot. You couldn't even have imagined the existence of our city. And now you're in the midst of the craziest adventure you've ever gone through."
She speaks with a strong British accent that fills my limbs with an ardour that's stronger than the breath of the ice blocks. Before I can react she continues:
"Listen, I'm going to explain it all. But please take a sit first. It's going to be a long story." 
I look around and see there are two satin chairs I could have sweared weren't there when we entered. I sit down, the French semi-mermaid (she doesn't look so shiny after all) follows my example. The queen opens her mouth (her teeth are like ivory) and commences her story.

*Part 14 (the number 13 has been skipped out of superstitious motives. Questions about this can be asked on working days between 9 AM and 5 PM but will not be taken into account)*

"My name is HRM Azalia VII, daughter of Neptune XLIV, son of Tristan XVII, descendant of the great Neptune I; by the grace of the gods, Atlantis, and all living creatures below sea level; countes of Crete; duchess of Santorini; defender of wealth, prosperity and all maritime matters; et cetera, et cetera. You've had the chance to behold what's left of all that: a crumbling city inhabited by ghosts and greybeards. And that is why you are here, in my castle, at this very moment. You are the only ones that could, that might help us. Now don't ask anything - I will explain everything to you.
From my history lessons in the royal archive I have learnt the story of this city. You know, Atlantis was founded by Greek colonists on an isle West of Crete. Their leader, the later Neptune I, had, well, slightly discredited himself for reasons I will not tire you with."
"Excuse me? What kind of reasons?" I had almost forgotten the presence of the French girl on the chair next to me, and for the first time I find her voice to be slightly disruptive.
"Well, he had uhm... he had caused some commotion in Athens for entering the Parthenon temple dressed in... uhm... well... not dressed at all, really."
"Your city was founded by an exiled exhibitionist?"
"Please don't speak like that about or great founder. His mind had been tempted by demons, well, by wine, which is the drink of demons. So when he founded this city he decided all wine, and any alcoholic consumption for that matter, to be strictly prohibited. Even though, for a long time, this minimalised the influx of new citizens to our city, it proved to be very beneficial for our prosperity. Within decades we had grown to the most important factor in the Meditarranean sea trade."
"You just called us here to inform us about the history of your city?"
A part of me wants to call 'Shut up!' but the rest of me figures that would make a slightly gross impression. Also, it wouldn't be in accordance to my social anxiety.
"Have patience, please. This is of great importance. In those first centuries our wisdom grew to immense heights. We were a city of scholars, and many of them came up with theories that were unprecedented. One of them, for instance, developed the theory of democracy, but after a long conclave our Council of Sages decided the scheme was unsuitable. Later those bloody Athenians stole the idea from us, but that's another story."
"Wait - what has any of that to do with our presence here?"
"You're right - I'm wandering. In the fourty-seventh year of the ninth era, they came. They had been observing us, and told us that our wisdom had risen to such heights they deemed it right to bestow us with the Powers of the Galaxy, so that we could spread our wisdom over all Seven Seas, and beyond."
For the first time I manage to open my mouth. "Excuse me, Miss. Who came exactly?"
She looks at me with a disturbed aura that makes me want to drown in the eyes below my feet. "Why, the extraterrestrials of course."
"Oh please!" my French companion calls out in a voice I have not before heard leave her throat and that makes the ice walls resonate like autumn leaves. "Now you're going to tell us about aliens? Were they green? Did they have three eyes?"
"They prefer to be called extraterrestrials, really, and they're blue usually, if I may trust the archives. Not that I've ever met one, but then, our honourable archivists can't be wrong, can they? But I thought you knew everything about them."
"Why should we? We were just minding our own business until you sent us your dolphin taxi. Thanks for the comfort, by the way, it was a really enjoyable ride."
Looking to the left, I can only see her turquoise eye, but it flickers in an unfamiliar way.
"I'm sorry to hear that. We also had a covered spoon, but unfortunately it was lost in a maelstrom in the 362nd year of the nineteenth era. But about the extraterrestrials, are you sure you don't know them? I would have sweared... I wonder... Maybe you're the wrong persons."
"That would explain a lot."
"Tell me, Daniel, where were you on the second of September?"
Squeazing my brain in hitherto unfamiliar positions, I finally conlude that must have been the day I was in Seoul, witnessing the Thylacine attack.
"I must have been in Seoul, a city that lies far in the East. It was a strange day."
The queen Azalia spontaneously invents a new kind of silence, in which her face shows tiny wrinkles in her pensive face, like little dunes in a snow field.
"Then you are indeed the one I am looking for. But I must have made a mistake. No - please let me finish my story first. The extraterrestrials gave us seven crystal orbs, with which we were to control the thoughts all over the planet and guide them with our immeasurable wisdome of which I spoke before. They wanted us to bring harmony to the planet, they sad, because their duty was to spread harmony over the galaxy as much as they could. We believed them - it was the only mistake we've only made, but it was a terrible mistakes. For four thousand years we -my ancestors- devoted themselves to their task, bringing order in chaos, unity in discord. Never did we know the extraterrestrials were really using us as puppets, tightening their grip on the planet with every decision we made, finally intending to take over out beautiful Earth and make all human beings to slaves in their all-consuming tea industry."
"How did you discover that, then?" I ask.
It was the great scholar Theodosius of Santorini, the gods bless him, who once had a maintenance with one of the extraterrestrial's agents. The extraterrestrial was young and unexperienced - he left his briefcase when he left. The honourable Theodosius opened it - mind you, he was not endeavouring to peep, he just needed the information to be able to return it. But what he discovered - well I just told you."
"So what did you do?"
"We -with that I mean my great ancestress, queen Julia XXII- confronted the extraterrestrials. Said we didn't want to support them in their infernal scheme, that we would graciously lay down our duty and advise them to never show themselves on this planet again. First they tried to convince us with abject lies, but of course we didn't fall for them. Then their wrath was atrocious. They sent an army to recapture the crystal orbs, slayed half of the city, and let tidal wave take care of the rest. You see what has become of this metropol that once shone so brightly with ivory and gold."
"But wait - how were you able to survive this apocalypse?"
"Well, the extraterrestrials were cruel, but not very intelligent. We managed to hide one of the orbs in the best possible hiding place and hand them over a fake orb instead. That way, we managed to retain a small part of our former powers - and with that mental strength, the survivors managed to build a shield that could stop even the most destructive hatred. Did you see the transparent dome that surrounds our ruins? - you must have. It is made of thoughts. It is maintained every day by the thoughts of all our remaining citizens. It consumes all our time and power, we live, day in, day out, under the gargantuan weight of our duty to maintain our only protection from definite oblivion.
Not only does it serve as a shield against water, but also thoughts cannot pass. That's why the extraterrestrials haven't been able to detect us with their thelepatical powers. So as long as no one sends out a signal, we are safe here."
"I see... but what is our role in this entire story?"
"That's the point here - we can intercept thoughts from the outside world - but only when they're extremely powerful. On the mentioned 2nd of September, we sensed a vast disturbance in the everyday equilibrium, originative from the city of Seoul, and we also sensed the person that was closest connected to these disturbances. It was you, Daniel. We assumed you had finally discovered our secret, and had, somehow, gained access to the extraterrestrial's mental powers. But apparently I was wrong - I'm sorry, I called you here for nothing. I can't see how you can help us."
"Right!" my mermaid companion exclaims, "couldn't you have told us rightaway? I'm going to leave here - I'm going to leave this damned place and forget all about it and live my life like I had planned to do. This is all one large accumulation of craziness. Good luck with your aliens," and she stands up, turns around and disappears through the folding doors, behind which the butler can still be seen in the same position.
"I'm sorry, Daniel," the queen Azalia says, "I'm so sorry. I thought you were..."
She doesn't complete her sentence but I know she wanted to say "I thought you were more helpful." I have felt miserable before, and guilty as well, but I have never felt so miserable and so guilty at the same moment. At the same time, however, an alarming signal starts emitting from the back of my head. "Wait a moment," I mumble.

*Part 15*
The beat of my heart resonates through all of my limbs, into my kidneys, my eyes and my brains. I try to stop it, but it only gets more powerful, as a fire that spreads without consideration.
"Miss? There's something I... About the shield."
"Ah, the shield. As I said, it can stop both water and thoughts. From both directions. That's also why we don't dream in Atlantis. Surely you must have noticed that? The thoughts of the surrounding world that constitute our dreams cannot pass. So we remain in silent oblivion when we sleep."
"Uh-huh. But there's something else. Something that..."
"Yes, I'm sorry, there are a lot of things that need explaining. You must also have noticed that time -or what's left of it- behaves in an other way inside this dome than it does elsewhere. You know, when you live in an isolated, crumbling city for milennia, forgotten and forgetting about everything outside, time itself starts to grow older. In this city, everything is affected by this terrible, moisty detoriation process - even with our mind powers we can't stop it. The only thing we can do is dedicate a small portion of our mental labour to save certain places, certain objects from the all-consuming putrefaction, this palace being the most momentous. We need to keep the centre of our governance - the remains of it - clean, or we will be finally doomed. Did you notice the change when you stepped inside our hallway?"
I nod, trying to discern her floating voice from the all-consuming heartbeat that is taking over my eardrums. "There's something else I must confess. It's about..."
She frowns, I know she already knows what I'm going to say. I want to turn into fog, or ice, or any substance except my body, but I know I can't, even though I'm the almighty narrator of this story I can't remove myself from that satin chair, punctured by the angel eyes of the queen Azalia. So I speak.
"About your hiding. You said they were still looking - the aliens. The extraterrestrials. Still watching out. Now apparently our thoughts cannot pass the shield, but... I wonder... it's a bit silly really..."
"Just speak it out, my boy."
Her calling me 'my boy' makes my intestines shrink even more than they already have. "It's like this. This morning, when I woke up, I took out my iPhone and... uhm... well, I posted something on facebook about this place. I'm not sure if it matters, but... do you have any idea if digital signals are intercepted by the shield as well?"
"I don't understand. What is this face book you are talking about?"
"I'm sorry. We... I mean, in the... the overworld, people have found a way to talk to eachother without actually seeing eachother's faces. A bit like telepacy really, except... well, whatever, we call it 'the internet'. And it works on digital signals. Now this morning, I added a photograph and some text about this city to this internet system. I wonder - could that possibly mean?"
The queen invents yet another kind of silence, this one even more burdensome than the last one. In this silence, the unicorn, whose presence had entirely slipped my mind, moves its silver head in a way as if to say: you fool, you have just spoiled everything. Finally, the queen opens her mouth, her eyes flicker with an unknown form of uneasiness.
"I'm not sure if I understand what you're talking about. I mean... I'm afraid... well, you couldn't know of course. Listen, Daniel. You are not the one I have been looking for. But that doesn't mean you couldn't be the one I need at the moment. Why is it that everywhere you come, the world seems to flicker into absurdity for one moment?"
"I'm not sure... Well... The thing is... All of this is really... it's not real."
She opens her mouth but I don't want to hear her voice at this point, so I continue: "It's like... it's like a story. All of this is nothing but a story I wrote. I know it sounds absurd, but..."
"A story? What story?"
"Uhm, it's a story I'm writing for uhm... a magazine. Yeah, I'm writing this story as feuilleton for a magazin. It's very popular really, lots of readers."
If she really has telepatical powers she can read, at this very moment, that the story is actually posted inside the 'crazy talk' section of a website for socially anxious persons and has exactly one reader. Turning into haze wouldn't seem sufficient any longer.
She causes a silence, of the first kind, and finally speaks in a soft and penetrating voice.
"But if this - if you're really a story... I don't understand. This city has existed for milennia - how can all of that be part of your story? I mean, something has to be real, right?"
"I don't know. Maybe... maybe it's that I wrote myself into a world that was already present. That I switched from one dimension to another. Oh boy, what kind of nonsense am I promulgating..."
"No, no... It's no nonsense. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. It makes shokingly much sense really... But that would mean that, as a writer, you would have some kind of... I don't know... powers? As the author of this story?"
"It would seem like that. But I don't know... it seems my powers are... diminishing... evaporating into the reality of this dimension..."
Silence (kind two).
"Listen," she says. "I don't know who you are and how you ended up here. But I do know this: your message may have alarmed the extraterrestrials' attention. And you do have certain powers that could surpass the reality of this dimension. That means you the only person that could handle the results of your own action. As I said, you aren't exactly the person I was looking for... but you are the person I found. That makes you... needed. I need you to go outside. To wait for them. To stop them. With the powers of your authorship, the help of your companion, and the goodness of your heart... Stop them. I ask you. I beg you. You are... you are our only hope."
I nod. Strangely enough, my heart seems to calm down at this crucial hour. 
"I will do what I can, noble queen. I only hope that will be enough."
And I turn around, through the folding doors, along the petrified butler, through the endless corridor, with inside me a strange sense of determination. Or insanity. One of the two.

----------


## Daniel C

*Part 16*
Of course, it had hardly cost Mark's technical team any effort to determine the exact coordinates from where the facebook update had been emitted. Indeed, it turned out to be a deserted spot in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, somewhere between Egypt and Crete. Mark Zuckerberg had immediately set off with his private jet to Iraklion airport, and consequently was transported by limousine to the yacht club in Chania, where his administrative team had already chartered a boat. From his car window, he could just take a look at the Cretian hills, stretching out like dinosaurs' backs, in the South, and the infinite opal waves in the North. The thought that beneath those waves a sunken city resided seemed absurd and appealing at the same time. 
He had never been on Crete before, but what he could see from the black limousine's windows made him hungry for exploring the island. Maybe he could do so when he'd return, after he had solved the whole Atlantis issue. If he were ever to solve the Atlantis issue. Inside he felt like he had become a puppet in an intricate game that had outpassed his endless potency.
The yacht club was located a few miles off the historical centre, at which Mark could only take a volatile look. The piers were puddling in the crystal water, the harbour was all empty except for a slightly overweight man with a huge moustache. 
"Mister Zuckenberg?" he said with what Mark assumed to be a typical Greek accent.
"Your boat is waiting. Please follow me."
Mark shuffled behind the harbour master over the slippery wooden planks, onto a modest motor boat where three young men with shiny torsos were already doing intricate preparations.
"Thank you," Mark mumbled. 
The boat set off as soon as Mark had landed in the cabin. Through the porthole, he waved the moustached man -a sympathetic guy, judging by the twenty seconds he had known him- goodbye. One of the adonises sat down besides him.
"You know diving, sir?"
"Yes, yes, I know," Mark replied. He had followed a diving course on one of his holidays at the French Riviera. The instructress had had hairs like a blonde goddess, as well as a voice that was sweet and authoritive at the same time, and that Mark had been able to resist less than four minutes. Unfortunately, the relationship had collapsed after he had ran away with a cute waitress in an equally cute restaurant, but by then he had already come tired of her conversations that had always debouched into the subject of diving in one way or the other.
The Greek bodies hoisted him into a hypermodern diving suit. "We reached coordinates. Dive here," the most overweening of them said. Mark waddled to the edge of the boat, sat down and let himself plonge into the shiny Mediterannean in the familiar backwards somersault. He stretched his webbed legs and before he knew the environment had changed to a dark-blue pool of timelessness. The sense of incertitude -one Mark had not been feeling since the extraterrestrial had handed over the orbs- was now multiplying itself. He passed shrimps, fish, and even a dolphin, and all creatures seemed to look at him in a pitying way, as if they already foresaw a part of his fate that remained obscured for his own myopic eyes.
Then, out of the blue underwater haze, it loomed. An orb, a giant orb, shiny and bright blue, like a dream, like a mirage, like an afterlife. Mark started to patter faster, more details emerged: palaces and cathedrals and crumbling avenues. He felt unreal, maybe all of this was unreal, but no, it couldn't be, the extraterrestrials had been real, the diving suit which he felt pinch his legs was real, so the dome had to be as well. 
Mark landed on the yellow soil, some grains of sand whirled under his feet. As an underwater penguin, he walked the last miles to the edge of the orb, with every step his heart speeded up. What if this was a trap? What if those plasma walls were dangerous, if they would moulder him when he would try to pass? But there was no going back. Cautiously, timidly, he sticked his diving flipper inside. It passed through without any resistance. Mark inhaled like he had never inhaled before, closed his eyes, and took the final step forward. When he opened his eyes again, everything had changed: the light, the perspective, the temperature. He had made it. While he disposed of the diving suit, he looked around at the spiralling minarets, the garble statues, the otherworldly plants. Right before him there was a sign, half overgrown by algae but still readable:
"Welcome to Atlantis, the city where it never rains."

*Part 17*
I rush through the endless winding corridor, the paintigs rush along like faded stains, the only thing I see is the next turn behind which the French girl might or might not be in sight. After a countless amount of turns my breath can no longer keep up, and I have to slow my pace. However, at that point, a galloping ascends behind me, and while I turn my head I see the queen's unicorn corner the last turn, its long manes and moonlight hairs fluttering like flags in the breeze, its massive body just barely fitting within the vaulted hallway. Just a few feet before me it holds still, I can see its thighs vibrate softly under its profound breath. Slowly and nobly, it lowers its legs. I know what its intention is, and carefully mounts its back, which feels like a bed of down feathers. It rises up again, and resumes its fleeting trot, I have to squeeze my arms around its neck, I see the walls shoot past, I close my eyes. This hellbent ride continues for about two minutes, then I feel the hunting rhythm of the creature's hoofs delay. I open my eyes again, and before me I see the glass doors that lead to the main hall, and before those my French mermaid looks up to me with utter bewilderment in her contrasting eyes. 
"I wonder... is it necessary? Just... couldn't you just have walked, like me?"
"It was the only way to catch you up," I say, while jumping off the unicorn's back in an overwhelmingly athletic way. "You left before the queen was done speaking."
"Ah, sure. And what did you two debate together. Have you been talking about those aliens some more? Do they turn out to have X-ray eyes as well?"
"No, no, we talked about... uhm..."
"Yes?"
I cannot escape telling her anymore. Her eyes pin me down like a marionette.
"Listen... There is something I need to tell you. It's..."
"Do you want me to join you on a heroic quest towards Venus as well?"
"No, no. It's about... about this all. You know, what I should have told you from the beginning, really, is... all of this is not real."
She falls silent, I search for words that are hidden deep within my intestines.
"You see... all of this is really... a story. We're all characters in a story."
"What do you mean?"
"Uhm... it's quite silly, really... but this whole plot, it's just... a story I wrote."
"What kind of story. In a book?"
"You could say so, yes. Wel... more of a website, actually. But it's a very high-pitched website, mind you. Lots of readers. Boy, are we getting famous."
"Wait... you're telling me the only reason I've been going through all this nonsense is to figure in some crazy story you posted on some crazy website?"
"Well, if you put it that way."
"Wait a moment... that fish attack on my village... was it you? Did you deliberately drive me into the Mediterranean in order to add me to this weird story of yours? People died in that disaster. I don't know... I still don't know what happened to my father. All because of... What kind of monster are you, Daniel?"
"No, no, you don't understand. I didn't do that. I was just writing about my trip through the Mediterranean when suddenly you popped up... like a turtle falling from the sky, as it were. Only later I learnt about your village's fate. It must have been..."
"You can tell me more. I don't want to be a part of your sick fantasies any longer. You can fight off aliens without me, I'm leaving foregood. I'm going back to France and forget about all of this lunacy."
She turns around and, like a windstorm, bursts through the glass doors, across the golden hall. 
"That didn't go very well, right?" I turn around as well. It's the butler, petting the unicorn over its back. 
"Did I ask you for any advise? Please go back to your queen and don't creep up behind people minding their own problems anymore. And take that upstart girls toy with you."
Without hesitating, I follow the French girl through the glass doors, into the hall. She's already beneath. "Wait, please! I can explain!"
"Explain what? How you tricked me into this doomed city only to perk up this story of yours? No thanks." She crosses the front door, into the otherworldy garden. I descend the stairs, taking three steps a time, and bash trough the ebony gate as well. But in the yard I hold still. Amidst the crumbled statues and purple ferns, a figure stands. He looks familiar, but I can't immediately give him a place. However, he seems just as surprised himself. Before me, the angry semi-mermaid, even though I can only see her back, seems to linger in equal bemusement.
The silence oppresses us like an electric haze. Finally, the man opens his mouth.
"You? What are you doing here?"
For one moment I think he's talking to me, but the girl replies before I can even think of a word, let alone an answer.
"I could ask you the same thing, Mark."
And now I recognise him, of course I recognise him, I've seen his face multiple times before, on tv, on the internet... It is Mark Zuckerberg.

*Part 18*
The three of us are captured inside yet another orb, this one not visible but all the more sensible, consisting of a strange magnetic tension that connects us like atomic particles. Nobody dares to disturb the tension by speaking a word, and thus the mysterious forces work on, pulling our hearts in an unfamiliar direction. As if we are puppets. But as the minutes part, I feel something strange. It is a sense of detachment. As if the bond between Mark Zuckerberg and my French companion is too strong for me to partake, as if I'm being excluded. But exactly this feeling gives me the strength to open my mouth.
"Aren't you Mark Zuckerberg? The founder of facebook? I'd like to ask you something. I've been given the request to delete the account of someone's sister-in-law. She uses it for the forces of evil rather than good. Her name - the person who requested it, not the sister in law - calls herself 'Chantellabella', lives in Texas and likes kayaking. Is that enough information?"
Zuckerberg looks at me as if I am a yellow diving beetle. I realise that might not have been the most clever opening line. I shake my head and say: "I'm sorry, what was I thinking? I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Daniel C." I wonder if I should walk over to him to shake his hand, but for some reason I stay standing where I am, some metres behind the French girl.
Zuckerberg nods so slowly you could hardly recognise the gesture as nodding. Then his glance shoves back to my mermaidish companion. 
"What do are you doing here?" I had imagined Zuckerberg's voice to be entirely different. In reality it is soft and discrete, like cotton.
"I could ask you the same question."
"Why did you leave me? You could have become the richest woman of the world... well, of France in any case."
"Why did you lie to me?"
I've got the feeling I'm missing something, but for some reason I feel it would be most prudent to keep my mouth shut right now.
"How do you mean, lied to you?"
The French girl sniffs in a way that is filled of uncompromising disdain. "I'm not stupid, Mark. We were a close community. She told me."
"Who are you talking about?"
"The diving girl. She told me all about you. We concluded you were not worth it. Why else would you tell me that I was the only one?"
"Listen, I can explain."
"No need to explain, Mark. J'ai compris tout."
At this point I can no longer constrain myself. "Could someone please inform me what is going on?"
"Mark here," the French girl says, without turning around, "is a player. I told you about my father's restaurant, didn't I? There were a lot of tourists - mainly Russian, but also Dutch, German... and American."
"You don't possibly mean?"
"I do. Mark and I first made love in the barn where the mackerel was stored. After that, he visited me every evening after work. I should have known better. When I learned he was cheating on me, I left him. I didn't show up on the night he wanted to take me on this cruise. Did you enjoy the cruise, Mark? How many young women did you score on the way?"
Zuckerberg fiercely shakes his head. "Listen, I'm sorry. I should have been honest with you. But it's done now. We can't change it anymore. So remains the question: what are you doing here?"
"You know, some days after you left on your cruise, our village was ravaged. By flying fish. I could do nothing but flee onto the ocean. And this chap behind me was kind enough to pick me up. How about that?"
The blue eyes of Mark Zuckerberg are muddled by a stain of contemplation. "Flying fish, you say? You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."
"Oh yeah, of course I am. My village destroyed by flying fish, the inhabitants slaughtered, what a joke, hahaha." That last word sounds a bit strange due to her incapacity to pronounce the letter 'h'.
"But that can't... I mean... I thought I could only command humans."
Another silence occurs, in which everyone expects everyone else to say something. I decide to break the deadlock. "What do you mean, mister Zuckerberg? Only command humans?"
"Uhm... Nothing, really. Just uhm... thinking by myself. So, Daniel. I have been looking for you. But first, tell me how you have managed to find this place."
"It's a long story, sir. I could explain, but it would take eons of time. You know, it has cost me 17 seperate parts to describe it to this point, so that should give you an impression of how long it would take."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Mark Zuckerberg ex-girlfriend, also functioning as my companion, says sneeringly: "Yeah, that's a hobby of him. Letting innocent people figure in some weird internet blog or something. Don't pay attention to that, he's just a weirdo."
"Uhm... right." Zuckerberg looks confused. "I'm not sure what all of this is about, but it doesn't really matter. Let's just precede to the action part." And out of his back pocket, he pulls out a gun. "Water proof. 2 mm bullet. I'm sorry, Daniel, but you just were present at the wrong time, at the wrong place. Consider yourself to be a sacrifice for the greater good. Do you have any last words?"
In the movies this part always looks more spectacular. Maybe that is because when watching movies I am not overtaken by a wave of panic, that puts all panic I've ever felt before in the shade. My mind rattles like a machine. Finally, what will presumably be my last words run out onto my tongue.

*Part 19*
I open my mouth in order to speak what are hopefully not my last words. "You know, Mr. Zuckerberg, that I am Dutch?"
"No, I didn't. But I don't see what that's got to do with anything."
"Well, without the Dutch, facebook would never have existed."
"What kind of nonsense is that. I would have been perfectly able to found facebook without your puny country. Where are you anyway? Somewhere between France and Germany, right?"
"It is true, though. Just watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7ZizDguxJA It explains everything. So you should be very grateful towards the Dutch. Not killing me is the least you could do."
The wrinkles in Zuckerberg's forehead indicate he is about to lose his temper. "Jesus, I may be hyperintelligent but I don't have a photographic memory. You really expect me to remember that entire URL link?"
"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I can write it out if you like."
"Save yourself the effort. This crazy talk has lasted more than long enough. If you don't have anything more interesting to say, it is time you meet your maker."
I start to see my escape effort is probably not working. I see the metal gun, around which Zuckerberg's slightly trembling hand is pinched like a constrictor. I see the surreal, cyan light spiral down all around me. I see the dismay that shines out of both eyes of the French girl. After a while, I can see nothing but that dismay.
"Wait!" I squeak. "I want to know one thing. Are you going to kill her too?"
Zuckerberg is silent for a moment. Then a sardonic smile traverses his face. 
"Ah, love; a dreadful bond, and yet, so easily severed. Tell me..."
"Davy Jones."
"What?"
"You're quoting Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Please keep the dialogues in this story original, or we'll all get sued for copyright infringement."
For the first time, Zuckerberg's face seems to show some disarray. "Uhm, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I meant..."
"And I'm not in love. She's just a character while I'm the writer, it would never work up between us. I only feel... responsible."
"Right! Well, then it will please you that I am not going to shoot her. But of course, she can't wonder freely over the planet any longer, she knows too much. But I think I might have a nice occupation for her at my private estate back in Palo Alto. Don't worry about her, lad. So, enough idle gossip. I think we have reached the climax of this episode. Close your eyes, if you like. I'll count to three."
I look at my companion; her dismay has been replaced by fear. For some strange reason, my own mind seems to ease down, as if my anguish as sipped into her body.
"One."
I close my eyes because the last thing I want to see before I die are the cloudy lowlands of the Netherlands, that, at this strange moment, I miss more than I'd ever thought possible.
"Two."
It rains in the Netherlands, with a certitude I have never felt before I know that it rains in the Netherlands at this very moment. And the only thing I'd want is to feel the rain on my face one more time, but all I can do is wait for the three to pierce my heart, or my head. And then, I realise something, something important, something crucial. But I have no time to finish my thought, because I hear the sound of a soft 'Pang'. For one moment I think I am dead. Then I open my eyes and see I am not. Mar Zuckerberg is lying in the sand with his arms clasped at the backside of his head, behind stands the fossilised hotelier with a broken bottleneck in his hand.
"The Queen, May She Live Eternally, contacted me to say you were in danger. She shouldn't have waited one more moment, I see."
He picks up the gun and looks at it with fascination. "What is this?" he asks.
"No time to explain. You've saved my life, sir - well, my fictional life, but still - and I owe you eternal gratitude. But I need to go now. I have a mission to fulfill. Please take care of this scoundrel. Will you come with me?"
The French girl nods, she still looks terrified, like she can't believe what just happened. "You're still alive," she whispers. "I had my eyes closed, and when the bottle came down I thought..."
"Of course not," I taunt, "I am the writer and protagonist of this story. We still have some episodes to go. How could they ever been fulfilled without me? It's time to go."
"Go again? To where this time?"
"To Barcelona, lady. The city of angels."

*Part 20*
"Where are we heading to?" she gasps, her endurance noticably put to the test by my spectacular fictional condition.
"I told you! Barcelona!"
"How do you ever want to get there?"
We hurry through the crumbling streets that look exactly the same as six days ago, and at the same moment, totally different. The direction we're heading in is totally random, but as long as we keep moving we must reach the edge of the orb sooner or later.
"How? With dolphins of course! I'll send out my thoughts to the queen. She managed to sendus those dolphins when we were in the middle of the Mediterranean, so this should be no problem for her."
We turn around a corner but what awaits is just another cluster of half perished alleys. Still, we just keep running.
"Daniel..."
"Yeah?"
"Uhm... when he was about to shot you I realised... uhm... I realised that I shouldn't have called you a weirdo. You're an eccentric, but not a weirdo. I'm uhm..."
"Sorry?"
"Well, not all the way to sorry. I just thought, uhm... I should let you know my formulation could have been slightly more appropriate."
"Thank you. But maybe it's not the right moment for exchanging apologies."
"I didn't say I was making you an apology."
"Whatever."
I can now clearly see one of the sides of the orb coming closer. We descend a long stairway, wriggle our way through some more alleys, and then, suddenly, feel our feet sink away in a deep layer of soft sand that stretches all the way to the edge of the shield. "Atlantis Beach," a musseled sign says, "please do not swim when the red flag is hoisted." To my relief, there is no red flag to be seen. In fact, the entire beach makes a slightly unattended impression. The only parasol that is still standing does so because it is encapsulated by a cocoon of extinct shellfish.
"I see no dolphins, Daniel."
"Let's give her some time. Maybe the dolphins are currently collecting a passenger on the other side of the Mediterranean."
We sit down in the sand, since the beach chairs look like sitting in them would be equal to signing your death penalty. A tense silence follows, in which I am remembered that, despite everything, I still have social anxiety. After some time I gather the courage to defy the cyan repose that surrounds us.
"You know, you're not the only one to apo... uhm, I mean, apply corrections in their previous behaviour. You know, I should have been honest with you eons ago. I mean... this entire story and all..."
The silence is stronger than my words. I break off.
"You know, Daniel. When they shot you - I mean, when I thought they shot you, I had my eyes closed. And then, when I opened them again and I saw Mark lying in the dirt with that old man behind him... just to say... that sight was totally worth it. Worth everything we've gone through so far."
"You know, it's almost over. When we're in Barcelona you can just take the train to... uhm... well..."
The cyan air takes on a painful semblance.
"I have nowhere to go, Daniel. So I'll stick with you. Out of necessity. Daniel, when Mark was talking about me, and the fish, what do you think..."
"I've been thinking about that as well. While we were running, I mean. Obviously Mark works for the aliens. The extraterrestrials, I mean. He got the mission to shoot me so that no one would learn about the extraterrestrials' scheme. Which means... You know, maybe he took over the role of the Atlanteans. The orbs... they grant Infinite Powers to all that possess them. Maybe he... I don't says he did it on purpose, but maybe his anger for you found its way to the fish that were... you know..."
"So it wasn't your fault after all. But then, what are we to do? The extraterrestrials will sure find another way."
I look right in front of me and in my eyes flickers a light of absolute determination. With a deep, echoing voice, I say: "We must stop them. We shall stop them."
"But in what way?"
"Well... at the moment that I was all but shot I remembered something. I was in Barcelona before, six days ago. I actually just came from Barcelona when I met you. Anyway, when I was there, I accidently ended up in a building somewhere along the Ramblas. And in that building I saw things... terrible things... the leaders of the world, reduced to puppets by the power of an infernal object."
"An orb? You think one of the orbs is in Barcelona?"
"I don't remember exactly. But I don't... it must have been an orb, yes. And I thought, if we can get our hands on it, then we might, I don't know..."
"That's your plan? Let the dolphins take us to Barcelona, take the Orb of Doom, and hope some metaphysical wonder appears? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be... it just seems there isn't a lot of hope for us."
"Hope? There never was much hope. Only a fool's hope." I am not concerned with copyright anymore. I survived an assassination attempt, I will be able to survive a charge for author's rights' infringement.
At that moment, however, my thoughts are stopped at the sight of some streamlined creatures looming from the distance. "The dolphins," I say, and I rise up from the sand. But as I walk towards the edge, I suddenly stop. The creatures that are coming closer are no dolphins.

_To be continued_

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## Chantellabella

Yay! you brought it!! Your story is amazing.

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## sanspants

I fear meth chefs and Mexican midgets with plastic asses  D:

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## Chantellabella

> I fear meth chefs and Mexican midgets with plastic asses  D:




I'm sorry, but you didn't put that in the form of a question. 

But we have some lovely parting gifts.

----------


## Daniel C

*Part 21*

Out of the hazy stains I see arms solidify, and fingers, and eventually hairs, dark brown like the night. Before I can adapt to this revelation one of them sticks her haid through the plasmatic shield.
"Any particular reason why you're looking at me as if I'm a three-headed bulldog? Never seen a mermaid before?"
She speaks with a Jamaican accent, in a voice that is so deep it seems to lift off right from the centre of the earth. I search for an answer. (I'm sorry for the stylistic monotony of this story, it seems to me I've been using that phrase some ten times by now. Next time I'll see if I can express myself in a slightly more original way.)
"No... I mean, yes, but only in books, and in films..."
"A, don't start about them. In those, all mermaids are sluts. We aren't sluts, I can tell you."
That's quite a reassurement. Now my first wave of stupefaction has ebbed away, I take a closer eye on the two creatures, and conclude they are indeed nothing like the well-known pictures. Instead of being bare-breasted or wearing only shell bras, they wear T-shirts over their upper bodies, the one of the mermaid who spoke to us saying "My mom went to New York and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." The other mermaid also wears a piercing in her tail fin, as well as having dreadlocks. I only now of the existence of mermaids for a few seconds, and my view of them already has to be revised.
"Uhm, yeah..." I say. "I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is..."
"Daniel, yeah, we know. My name is Jessica and this gal here is Rachel. Nice to meet you bwoys. (The online dictionary told me 'bwoy' is a Jamaican word, so I thought it would fit here. I'm sorry if I'm misusing it.) The fancy queen sent us."
"Uhm, right. Please excuse my confusion, I was expecting dolphins."
Now the mermaid just identified as Rachel puts her head through the shield as well.
"Yeah, those doondoos (idem dito) don't work on Mondays. So Zalia sent us to do the job instead. She always asks us to do the dirty work, like we're her slaves or something. 'Oh please, I so depend on you, could you please please please do this for me? I promise this is the last thing I'll ask of you.' Not."
"Oh, I'm sorry, we didn't want..."
"No, sure, it's nothing. The faster this is sorted out the better. Barcelona, ey? Fancy place, what yo gonna do there?"
"Hmm, it's kind of complicated. You know, it all started in September when..."
"I'm afraid there's no time for explaining." I turn, around the French girl (who, on second thougts, looks nothing like a mermaid, even when you only take into account her upper body) rconfirms that she's still present. I nod. "She's right, we can't wait too long. It's a matter of life and death, you know. The world's wellbeing rests in the palm of our hands."
Jessica whistles in a quasi-impressed way. "Well then, we'd better take off. Uhm... we've been thinking about how to do this, ya see, it's the first time for us as well that we have to transport humans. We thought we'd better both swim at the sides and then you're in the middle, and then we all hold each other's hands like we're doing Voodoo. So I guess ya take my hand and the one of ye gal, and then she takes Rachel's hand. That should work out."
We all align horizontally at the edge of the shield and do as instructed. Jessica's hand feels like sandpaper; that of the French girl feels like satin. 
"Okay bwoys. Please inhale deeply and enjoy your ride. Thank you for flying with us."
And we set off. The speed with which the mermaids accelerate is incredible, I feel the salt water beech along me and have to squeeze the two hands with all power in order to not let go. The story has been pretty bizarre already, but I figure gushing forward between two nonchalant mermaids surpasses everything I've gone through so far. But I have to quit my fictional story because I only have three minutes left to get to my lecture.

----------


## Chantellabella

I hadn't realized how far along you had gotten in your story. It's been fun reading it all over again. Like a favorite book.

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## Chantellabella

Creamed kumquat puffs taste like chicken.

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## Chantellabella

Pigeons really don't like to vote. So it's probably better if you don't approach them with a flyer.

----------


## Secretly Pretentious

> "Where are we heading to?" she gasps, her endurance noticably put to the test by my spectacular fictional condition.
> "I told you! Barcelona!"...

----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Ok. That is the creepiest picture I think I've ever seen.  ::):  Reminds me of when you fight with your siblings and your parents say, "Now kiss and make up."

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## Sagan

Pickled Twinkies dipped in Habanero sauce. mmmm hmmmm!

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## Chantellabella

Your pickled Twinkies inspired me to write a poem.

Oh Pickled Twinkles in my plate
Why do you taste so good?

should?
wood?
brood?


Ok. Nevermind.

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## Chantellabella

There it is!!!!!


Air!!!!!


Do you see it???


Oh never mind. I was wrong.

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## Chantellabella

What is spinning sparrows spit sparingly. 

Correct! For 200 points!!

----------


## Daniel C

Flying through the ocean as a bullet is not so bad when you realise everything is fictional anyway, but I wonder how my French companion is holding up. I have the feeling everything inside my body has turned to salt, except maybe my heart, that beats as if it was a jukebox. My eyes wide shut, I can only guess how much distance we have already crossed, but my head is too entangled to make any kind of estimate. So I just wait, the hand of the mermaid Jessica clasped in my right fist, the one of my French companion in the other, my muscles contracted like elastic and my body exposed to the perpetual water flow. This moment could turn into eternity but for the fact that the Mediterranean Sea covers a finite amount of miles. So after a period that could have been anything between five minutes and ten hours, I slowly feel the vigour of the water diminish, I hesitantly open my eyes and all I see is stars. We are silently propelling inside an infinite sea of stars; they are above us, beneath us, and in all four cardinal directions. After a minute or two, I realise we are above sea level, and that the starry sky is reflected inside the Mediterranean's surface that is still like a mirror. The total absence of waves gives me a feeling that is eerie and peaceful at the same time. Without a sound, the four of us proceed as we are crossing this unearthly waters, and finally a beacon of light looms behind the horizon. 
"There ya go bwoys, Barcelona. We can't go with ye, most humans freak out when they see us and we have to take 'em all the way to Atlantis so that Zalia can erase them minds. And we don't have time for that fuzz now. So just swim to the beach over there, see ya!"
I can just mumble "Thank you for the lift" before the mermaids dive underwater and the surface closes behind them, as if they were never there in the first place. 
"Oh god," I say, "the shore is miles away. Couldn't they have brought us a little further?"
"Oh, come on Dan, don't tell me you can't swim," the French girl says. I'm not sure what confuses me most, her mocking tone or the fact that she calls me 'Dan'. 
So we swim. I have never been a good swimmer and the trip brings back all kinds of memories to my swimming teacher, who used to scold at me as I was plowing my way through the chemical swimming pool. After about half an hour my arms appear to jam, and it is only the realisation that nothing of this is real anyway that gives me the strength to finish the last part. In the meantime, my companion doesn't seem to have any difficulty with the route, and I imagine her late father going swimming with her in the blue bay every Saturday evening after the restaurant was closed. 
Finally, the single beacon grows into a stain, and the stain diverges into many lights, and the many lights grow more numerous and more powerful. The moment my feet touches the sand feels so irreal I hardly recognise it, the memory of what solid form felt like has almost slipped my memory. Wheezily, the girl and I flounder through the last part, amidst the sleeping sailing yachts. We end up on a beach that I don't recognise. The only other person is an old sailor sipping a bottle of sangria. He looks at us with a mixture of pity and bewilderment, and as he turns away his shaking head I can discern a single word, spoken as if it was a curse. "Turistes."

----------


## Chantellabella

> Flying through the ocean as a bullet is not so bad when you realise everything is fictional anyway, but I wonder how my French companion is holding up. I have the feeling everything inside my body has turned to salt, except maybe my heart, that beats as if it was a jukebox. My eyes wide shut, I can only guess how much distance we have already crossed, but my head is too entangled to make any kind of estimate. So I just wait, the hand of the mermaid Jessica clasped in my right fist, the one of my French companion in the other, my muscles contracted like elastic and my body exposed to the perpetual water flow. This moment could turn into eternity but for the fact that the Mediterranean Sea covers a finite amount of miles. So after a period that could have been anything between five minutes and ten hours, I slowly feel the vigour of the water diminish, I hesitantly open my eyes and all I see is stars. We are silently propelling inside an infinite sea of stars; they are above us, beneath us, and in all four cardinal directions. After a minute or two, I realise we are above sea level, and that the starry sky is reflected inside the Mediterranean's surface that is still like a mirror. The total absence of waves gives me a feeling that is eerie and peaceful at the same time. Without a sound, the four of us proceed as we are crossing this unearthly waters, and finally a beacon of light looms behind the horizon. 
> "There ya go bwoys, Barcelona. We can't go with ye, most humans freak out when they see us and we have to take 'em all the way to Atlantis so that Zalia can erase them minds. And we don't have time for that fuzz now. So just swim to the beach over there, see ya!"
> I can just mumble "Thank you for the lift" before the mermaids dive underwater and the surface closes behind them, as if they were never there in the first place. 
> "Oh god," I say, "the shore is miles away. Couldn't they have brought us a little further?"
> "Oh, come on Dan, don't tell me you can't swim," the French girl says. I'm not sure what confuses me most, her mocking tone or the fact that she calls me 'Dan'. 
> So we swim. I have never been a good swimmer and the trip brings back all kinds of memories to my swimming teacher, who used to scold at me as I was plowing my way through the chemical swimming pool. After about half an hour my arms appear to jam, and it is only the realisation that nothing of this is real anyway that gives me the strength to finish the last part. In the meantime, my companion doesn't seem to have any difficulty with the route, and I imagine her late father going swimming with her in the blue bay every Saturday evening after the restaurant was closed. 
> Finally, the single beacon grows into a stain, and the stain diverges into many lights, and the many lights grow more numerous and more powerful. The moment my feet touches the sand feels so irreal I hardly recognise it, the memory of what solid form felt like has almost slipped my memory. Wheezily, the girl and I flounder through the last part, amidst the sleeping sailing yachts. We end up on a beach that I don't recognise. The only other person is an old sailor sipping a bottle of sangria. He looks at us with a mixture of pity and bewilderment, and as he turns away his shaking head I can discern a single word, spoken as if it was a curse. "Turistes."



Love it!!! Your last line is great! I can just imagine his face. Great section!

----------


## Daniel C

Aaaargh! I had an entire new episode ready when I accidently shut down the page and now I have to start all over again! I have always hated computers.

Okay then, here you go. I hope you think of my endless frustration as you read this part.

As we walk off the silent pier, the sleeping houses follow us with their hatch windows like closed eyelids. We wander along the shoreline to the South, and as we get closer to the centre, the amount of bypassers gradually increases. Finally we reach the statue of Columbus, that has changed back to its original form. Apparently my powers as the almighty narrator of this story are only of a temporal nature. I realise now that all that time, Columbus hasn't been pointing in the wrong direction, as many assume. He only has been pointing towards Atlantis instead of America. Delighted by this sudden symbolism, I turn to the right, the French girl following in my footstep.
The Ramblas is a street that never sleeps. A crowd consisting of tourists, gadders, living statues and street vendors still whirls around us like a tornado. We narrowly manage to dodge a beggar coming in from the left, in the process of which I almost stumble over a drunk teenage girl sitting on the pavement, finally grabbing a newspaper rack for support. As I re-erect myself, my eye falls to the frontpage of the Guardian. 'Does photograph prove the existence of Atlantis?' with underneath the picture I toke with my fictional iPhone filling the rest of the page. 
"Now at least we know how Mark Zuckerberg managed to track us down," I say, while paying the stallholder four euros for the newspaper.
"I see. But how..."
"This morning, when I woke up in that cosy Bed & Breakfast, I toke a picture out of the window and posted it on facebook. I know, it was a misstep of epic propor..."
"Don't say that," she interrupts me. "It was totally worth it. The sight of Mark lying helplessly in the sand, with that bottle... it was priceless."
I nod. "But let's not waste too much time. We have to find that building. It was somewhere here. A little further.
But at night all buildings along the Ramblas look similar. As we wind on down the street, I see hundreds of pillars, hundreds of garlands, even more ebony doorways. My confidence slightly diminishes as we unsuccesfully pass hundreds of metres. 
"We're too far. We need to turn back."
But the way back elapses identically. When finally the statue of Columbus looms again, we turn back a second time. Amidst the heterogeneous crowd we wander on like two lost souls in the desert. When the newspaper salesman that previously owned my Guardian greets us for the fifth time, I give up.
"I don't know anymore. These buildings, they all look... I should have paid more attentin when I left there. I'm such a..."
"Hey, maintain Dan. Try to think clearly. What did you see when you left through the door?"
"That's the point. I didn't pay any attention to the building itself. My eyes were unconditionally drawn by the street, it was busy..."
"Okay, but when you stepped outside, what did you see, what happened? Think closely..."
"Well, there was... wait a moment." As I go through my Eureka experience, I approach the newspaper man, hereby arduously overcoming my social anxiety. "Excuse me sir, can I ask you something?"
"QuÃ¨?" 
I step out of the story for one moment and insert the sentence "Is it true that recently the skull of a living statue was crushed by a falling orange turtle somewhere in the environment?" into google translate, English to Catalan.
"Â¿Ãs cert que recentment el crani d'una estÃ*tua vivent va ser aixafat per una tortuga taronja en algun lloc en el medi ambient?" 
The man reacts with great agitation, and it takes me some minutes to distill the message out of his rapid rambling. He tells me the living statue was a local celebrity, that his death caused great impact in the environment, and that the spot was consequently overloaded with flowers. "You can't miss it," he says, in Catalan, "it's that way, some 100 metres."
"Moltes, moltes grÃ*cies," I say, and head in the designated direction. The French girl hurries behind me.
"What _au nom de Dieu_ was that supposed to mean?" she says, once again showing off her Mediterranean temper.
"I suddenly remembered something. Something that might help us. We have to look out for a pile of flowers."
Indeed, it doesn't cost us too much effort to relocate the spot where the living statue's life was gruesomely ended. The flowers have heaped up to form an entire mountain of colour and odour. I see roses, hyacinths, orchids. Azalias. When my eye falls to the adjacent building, I am not surprised I didn't manage to find it at first try. It has one of the most discrete facades of the entire Ramblas, the only decoration being a tiny chiselled cross above the dark wooden door.
"Ladies first."
"You're sure this is the right building?"
"Positive."
She puts her hand to the door that opens with an infernal groan. I follow her into the corridor, that is damper than the Atlantean atmosphere, and darker than the starry sky above. My eyes don't have time to adjust, however, because at that moment a deep American voice calls out of the obscurity. 
"Hold still, whoever you may be, or my HK 417 will sieve every single droplet of blood out of your body."
Americans. They always have to show off.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Aaaargh! I had an entire new episode ready when I accidently shut down the page and now I have to start all over again! I have always hated computers.
> 
> Okay then, here you go. I hope you think of my endless frustration as you read this part.
> 
> As we walk off the silent pier, the sleeping houses follow us with their hatch windows like closed eyelids. We wander along the shoreline to the South, and as we get closer to the centre, the amount of bypassers gradually increases. Finally we reach the statue of Columbus, that has changed back to its original form. Apparently my powers as the almighty narrator of this story are only of a temporal nature. I realise now that all that time, Columbus hasn't been pointing in the wrong direction, as many assume. He only has been pointing towards Atlantis instead of America. Delighted by this sudden symbolism, I turn to the right, the French girl following in my footstep.
> The Ramblas is a street that never sleeps. A crowd consisting of tourists, gadders, living statues and street vendors still whirls around us like a tornado. We narrowly manage to dodge a beggar coming in from the left, in the process of which I almost stumble over a drunk teenage girl sitting on the pavement, finally grabbing a newspaper rack for support. As I re-erect myself, my eye falls to the frontpage of the Guardian. 'Does photograph prove the existence of Atlantis?' with underneath the picture I toke with my fictional iPhone filling the rest of the page. 
> "Now at least we know how Mark Zuckerberg managed to track us down," I say, while paying the stallholder four euros for the newspaper.
> "I see. But how..."
> "This morning, when I woke up in that cosy Bed & Breakfast, I toke a picture out of the window and posted it on facebook. I know, it was a misstep of epic propor..."
> ...




Wait. So you took a picture of Atlantis and posted it on Facebook? Dan, Dan, Dan, don't you know you should never post secret missions on Facebook? Now we have no clue who this creepy American is. He probably is mad because you didn't friend him or something.

----------


## RawrJessiRawr

I haven't crazy talked in a while so here it goes...
I walked upon a ground of bright green with orange skies and Mr.k for i was a walrus for a day with colored shapes within other shapes, spinning towards me with no hesitation. Walked in a strawberry field, getting happiness on my feet, the sun rained rainbows for the day. Oh what a day maybe night, maybe midway, oh what a yesterday it was.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I haven't crazy talked in a while so here it goes...
> I walked upon a ground of bright green with orange skies and Mr.k for i was a walrus for a day with colored shapes within other shapes, spinning towards me with no hesitation. Walked in a strawberry field, getting happiness on my feet, the sun rained rainbows for the day. Oh what a day maybe night, maybe midway, oh what a yesterday it was.



I think happy feet and sun rained rainbows is the best kind of crazy. We should all be crazier.  ::):

----------


## Daniel C

I hear the echoes of the American's footsteps circle around us, and then the door closing with an equally ominous sound. Finally, the light clicks on. I recognise the corridor; behind the closed door was the room where the orb was stored. Behind my back the invisible American breathes like a polar bear.
"Right then, folks, now you're going to tell me exactly how you ended up here."
I am rapidly thinking of good excuses, but I can't find one, so I come up with a bad excuse. "Isn't this the international backgammon congress?"
"What the **** are you talking about?"
"Just what I said. We came here for the international backgammon congress. According to our directions it was here, The Ramblas 108. Wasn't it?"
The French girl immediately recognises my intention: "Absolutely, it said Ramblas 108, but I guess we're a few minutes too early."
"Don't **** with me with your niminy-piminy accents. First, this is The Ramblas 106, not 108. And second... Wait, what?" I feel this American is not an individual of the most perspicacious category. There might still be hope.
"Ah, I see. In that case we made a mistake. How silly of us. We actually need to be in the adjacent building. I'm sorry for disturbing you, now... could you please let us go? Otherwise we'll miss the opening speech of backgammon legend Yuri Karasponsky."
"No! I mean... Wait, I need one moment. Don't move, I'll sort this out."
I hear the American typing in a number into his mobile phone. Then perhaps a minute of silence follows. Finally, I hear a final beep, and then the entire process repeats itself. I realise the American can't reach his intended contact person and think of Mark Zuckerberg lying knock-out at the bottom of the Atlantean bubble.
"Is this going to take much longer?"
"There are... uhm... slight complications in our communication system. The protocol says I must keep you here till further notice. Uhm... Walk up that stairs there. Do it, now."
"This is madness," I protest with a voice as indignant as possible. "You can't hold us here without a warrant. And anyway, this is Spanish territory. You're violating the international..."
"Shut up, I know what I'm doin! Get up the stairs or you'll never... uhm... see your parents again."
"My parents are dead." She doesn't sound embittered, rather surprised. I can feel the confusion behind my back. 
"Anyway, get up the stairs. And stop asking weird questions."
Reluctantly, we move up the stairs, which are half-rotten and creak impendently at every step. The American follows some steps behind us. When we're almost at the entresol, a large, rusty mirror appears in sight. It tilts a bit, so that we can see ourselfs, and each other. I meet the contrasting eyes of the French girl and between us, via the mirror, rises a deep understanding that is like a thunderbolt. Then, behind us, the head of the American looms. Contrary to my expectations, he is both bald and unequivocally obese. I suddenly know what needs to be done. Without drawing attention, I pull out my fictional iPhone and, go to the music section. Browsing through my collection, I come out at Verdi's requiem. When we're right in front of the mirror, I select the 'Dies Irae' part. It sounds even louder than in my memory.
"What the **** is that?" I hear the American shout out, behind his offensive tone there is a peculiar hint of uneasiness.
"It's a sign of God."
"Give that thing to me. Turn around, and give it to me."
I turn around. I can now fully perceive the puffy body of the American and wonder where Mark Zuckerberg ever recruited his agents. Even though, he still holds a gun in his hand. I slowly walk into him, positioning myself exactly in between the man and the French girl. In a deliberately slow pace, I place the iPhone in the hands of the American.
"Right. And now turn back and continue your way..."
"You know what? I don't think so."
My words temporarily disconcert the American's mind, but he recaptures himself quicker than I expected. "Do you want me to shoot you in your liver? It's the slowest and most painful way to die; your incestines slowly get digested by the acid that comes free."
"That doesn't sound very attractive."
"Are you trying to be funny?"
"Maybe. But then, you Americans don't have much sense of humour."
The American's face now resembles a hurricane. "Okay then. That does it. Do you want to speak some final words before my bullet finds it way to your pancreas."
"Only one thing. Vive l'Europe!"
When I say that, everything becomes slow motion. In a spectacular and athletic swing, I dive around the American and slide down the stairs like a surfboard. His corpulent body is not able to react in time and he almost trembles over his own feet and has to hold on to the handrail. At that very moment, a tremendous roar emerges and I know the French girl has done exactly what she needed to do, as if we had been planning this for months. In a slightly painful way, I land on the wooden floor, I quickly rise up, and just barely manage to dodge the American thundering off the stairs like an avalanche, followed by the mirror that has been dislocated at exactly the same moment. The dust settles at the chaotic scene and time turns normal again. 
"That was totally magnifique," the girl says, leaning from the entresol. "Now we can get to our backgammon congress. Checkmate."
"That's chess."
"Whatever. Are you okay?"
"More or less," I say, testing my joints for their functionality.
"And our American friend?"
"He's unconscious. And mildly bruised, I suppose."
"So should we strap him? I know some knots, my father learnt me when I was a girl. There's some rope here left from where the mirror was."
"Okay then. You strap him. I go inside. I know the orb is still there, I just know. We're almost there. Trust me."
And while the first beams of light pass through the high cobweb windows, I put my hand to the so manieth doorknob, knowing for sure that this is the final one.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just got back from New Orleans and my relatives don't have computers there, so I'll read the latest entry of the Atlantis sage tomorrow! Can't wait!!My eyesight is shot for the night.

Oh but I have waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy more crazy talk from relatives which I'll post later this week. They don't even see their problem.

My aunt............"I can judge people because I'm perfect." She was serious.

----------


## Ironman

SAVE BIG MONEY AT

----------


## Chantellabella

> I hear the echoes of the American's footsteps circle around us, and then the door closing with an equally ominous sound. Finally, the light clicks on. I recognise the corridor; behind the closed door was the room where the orb was stored. Behind my back the invisible American breathes like a polar bear.



Breathes like a polar bear!!! LOL!!





> "Right then, folks, now you're going to tell me exactly how you ended up here."
> I am rapidly thinking of good excuses, but I can't find one, so I come up with a bad excuse. "Isn't this the international backgammon congress?"



Totally, did not even know there was an international backgammon congress. See? This is why it's great to meet people around the world. I know here in Texas we have an international cow pie slinging congress.





> "What the **** are you talking about?"
> "Just what I said. We came here for the international backgammon congress. According to our directions it was here, The Ramblas 108. Wasn't it?"
> The French girl immediately recognises my intention: "Absolutely, it said Ramblas 108, but I guess we're a few minutes too early."
> "Don't **** with me with your niminy-piminy accents. First, this is The Ramblas 106, not 108. And second... Wait, what?" I feel this American is not an individual of the most perspicacious category.



Yeah, you're probably right. Not only did I not know there was The Ramblas 108 wasn't real, but I didn't know The Ramblas 106 actually exists. I definitely need to get out more............or maybe just read more. 





> There might still be hope.
> "Ah, I see. In that case we made a mistake. How silly of us. We actually need to be in the adjacent building. I'm sorry for disturbing you, now... could you please let us go? Otherwise we'll miss the opening speech of backgammon legend Yuri Karasponsky."
> "No! I mean... Wait, I need one moment. Don't move, I'll sort this out."
> I hear the American typing in a number into his mobile phone. Then perhaps a minute of silence follows. Finally, I hear a final beep, and then the entire process repeats itself. I realise the American can't reach his intended contact person and think of Mark Zuckerberg lying knock-out at the bottom of the Atlantean bubble.
> "Is this going to take much longer?"
> "There are... uhm... slight complications in our communication system. The protocol says I must keep you here till further notice. Uhm... Walk up that stairs there. Do it, now."
> "This is madness," I protest with a voice as indignant as possible. "You can't hold us here without a warrant. And anyway, this is Spanish territory. You're violating the international..."
> "Shut up, I know what I'm doin! Get up the stairs or you'll never... uhm... see your parents again."



Does the guy realize you might not WANT to see your parent's again? He should have used bamboo shoots under your fingernails.





> "My parents are dead."



Oops! My faux pas bad. Continue........





> She doesn't sound embittered, rather surprised. I can feel the confusion behind my back. 
> "Anyway, get up the stairs. And stop asking weird questions."
> Reluctantly, we move up the stairs, which are half-rotten and creak impendently at every step. The American follows some steps behind us. When we're almost at the entresol, a large, rusty mirror appears in sight. It tilts a bit, so that we can see ourselfs, and each other. I meet the contrasting eyes of the French girl and between us, via the mirror, rises a deep understanding that is like a thunderbolt. Then, behind us, the head of the American looms. Contrary to my expectations, he is both bald and unequivocally obese. I suddenly know what needs to be done. Without drawing attention, I pull out my fictional iPhone and, go to the music section. Browsing through my collection, I come out at Verdi's requiem. When we're right in front of the mirror, I select the 'Dies Irae' part. It sounds even louder than in my memory.
> "What the **** is that?" I hear the American shout out, behind his offensive tone there is a peculiar hint of uneasiness.
> "It's a sign of God."
> "Give that thing to me. Turn around, and give it to me."
> I turn around. I can now fully perceive the puffy body of the American and wonder where Mark Zuckerberg ever recruited his agents. Even though, he still holds a gun in his hand. I slowly walk into him, positioning myself exactly in between the man and the French girl. In a deliberately slow pace, I place the iPhone in the hands of the American.
> "Right. And now turn back and continue your way..."
> "You know what? I don't think so."
> ...



Love the action!! The hero's always get away, however it didn't sound like it would be hard to get away from that guy. Probably he spent too much time on his Facebook friending everyone.  ::):  

Can't wait to see the next installment! :: 





> SAVE BIG MONEY AT



Yes!! 

Now, where is Menards? 

Does it sell shoes or hunting gear? 

I also need to buy some liver and a cake. 

Do I go north past the Walmart or south past the 7-11? 

I mean, that truly might be the only place left on the planet that is dedicated to service and quality.

----------


## Chantellabella

theres a fly on my screen waiter! 

ok hes gone


is licking a fly off your hand faux pas in most social circles?

----------


## Daniel C

After a long and satisfying winter sleep, I return to my story in order to turn the doorknob, which moves along without any resistance. The door falls open without a sound, and my eyes have to adjust to a new kind of darkness. I decide to take out my fictional iPhone and navigate the room on the narrow rectangle of artificial light. The silence eats my heartbeat, I stumble over a few opaque objects that are probably chairs. Finally, I manage to reach the colossal table that floats in the centre of the room like a dreadnought. The iPhone light fumbles the table leaf and finally reaches the crystal orb. In my memory it was larger, in fact it is hard to imagine the fate of the world rests on this ennobled marble. But there is no time for disappointment. When my fingertops reach the icy surface it all stops. Or begins.

In Santiago, a child refuses to sleep. His mother disagrees. Her strokes are more than corrective. The father is dead. This child is the only memory she's got of him. That's why she beats him so hard.

In the Punjab, a garbage collector enters a coffee bar. The other customers turn away their heads. He orders a caffÃ¨ latte. The bartender gives him a disposable glass, made out of plastic. The other customers have stoneware cups. He is an untouchable. He refuses to give up.

In Australia, a girl breaks her boyfriend's heart. He isn't angry. He doesn't shout. The only thing he does is being silent. She was prepared for any reaction, except this one. She hurries outside. On the table there is an ivory necklace, still in its wrapping.

In Munich, a lonely widower wakes up. He doesn't need an alarm clock. He walks over to the coffee machine. He looks into the mirror and lets his tears flow, he needs to simulate happiness for yet another day.

In Egypt, a rich farmer's wife sits behind the computer. She is learning herself English. Upstairs, she hears a clutter. She erases the page history and shuts off. She starts preparing breakfast.

In Barcelona, a semi-fictional boy stands in an obscure room. His fingertops touch the crystal. His eyes are empty. He cannot take the burden anymore. He withdraws his hand.







I never new telepacy was such a load. For some moments, I feel compassions for those who have to share their thoughts with the rest of mankind. The Atlanteans. The extraterrestrials. Even Mark Zuckerberg, the scoundrel who intended to kill me. Then I realise I am no step closer to something that even resembles a solution. I take the orb under my arm, making sure there is a layer of cotton seperating it from my skin, and move back to the vestibule where the French girl has finished strapping the overweight and under-developed American. 
"Did you found something?"
"I did."
"And?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't see how this could help us. I can't even touch it without... I can't explain. You should try it yourself."
I enplane the orb on the moisty floor. Suspiciously, the girl moves her hand towards the surface. The moment her fingers meet the crystal, she undergoes an eerie transformation. Her mouth opens, her hair stretches, her muscles convulse and relax in random patterns. It is as if all the thoughts of other people are infiltrating her very essence, or conversely, as if everything she has inside, everything she's ever collected, is desperately trying to get out. Above all, her eyes change. After some moments, they aren't dissimilar anymore. They have become an equal kind of grey. The only kind of grey that ever existed. I pull down her arm. She can't say anything for more than a minute.
"That was..."
"Intense. Horrendous. I know."
"So what..."
"I don't know. We need... something more. A clue. A handhold. A brilliant inspiration."
We sit down in silence, both waiting for a brilliant inspiration, the orb resting in between us, as if we are executing a ritual. The first morning beams penetrate the high windows.

----------


## Chantellabella

Wow! I didn't realize the orb could do that. Not sure I would want that. Well, except maybe to spy on others I know.  ::):  

You've got the most amazing imagination!

----------


## Daniel C

As we sit down in perfect desperation and the pristine morning rays come travelling from over the Mediterranean all the way to this dusty hallway, the apish and still unconscious American makes gurgling sounds and time is made of glass, as all of these impressions surround us I think this is the right point in the story for some emotional discharge.
"You never told me about your mother."
The French girl sighs in a melodramatic way, then responds. "When I was four years old, she ate a rotten codfish. The ambulance arrived too late due to all the roads being blocked because of a national fishermen's strike against the government. The food poisoning killed her. It took my dad years to get over it."
It seems a disproportional part of the girl's life has been marked by fish. Looking into the unfathomable eyes, I search for words to keep the conversation alive.
"I never knew codfish were so dangerous."
"They aren't, usually. Of course with salmon you've always got to be careful, but I never heard of any other codfish poisonings. Except my mother. Do you believe in fate, Daniel?"
I shake my head. The silence grows like a cancer. I search for something to say. 
"Tell me a little more about fish."
She blinks with her eyes a few times. "Well... it's hard to explain. There are many types of fish. My father is - was primarily skilled in preparing haddock or mackerell. Though he also did lobster and cuttlefish. I sometimes went with our village's fishermen, they usually caught a lot of mackerell of course, also turbot, but mainly mackerell. Sometimes they caught a garfish, then we'd all gather on the village square to have a festival dinner. There were also some prawn boats, you need special nets for those, you see? When you use regular nets on prawn they escape through the meshes. My personal favourite fish was the thornback ray, they always seemed to wave to me, sometimes when the fisherman had caught a ray I'd secretly throw it back into the water. So... there's a lot more to tell fish, but I don't know..."
"No, maybe it's better if... uhm... I wonder... do you know... what exactly happened to your father?"
I immediately regret the question. Obviously this episode has been too recent for the girl to process yet. Her eyes fill with tears, reflecting their colours.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's alright. We were standing in the kitchen. He was arranging the ingredients, I was... I don't know... we were having..."
I can see the memory hurts, I want to pull her back but I don't know how. She continues.
"We were having a quarrel. I wanted to study in Paris, he said he wanted... since my mother died, he needed all help he could. In the restaurant. I went outside, for a walk along the port. Then they came."
If silence could be weighted, this one would equal tons of ballast. Still I can't speak.
"They were flying fish. One time before I had seen flying fish, but only in the distance... but these were different, their eyes were shining, their teeth... almost as if they were possessed or something. They landed on the buildings. On the streets. The air didn't stop them. I saw everyone running, into the hills, I saw... their teeth were so sharp. In desperation, I threw myself into the fish wall, I landed into a boat. It sailed away. I survived. But I don't know... I can't imagine how... Maybe if I wouldn't have... wouldn't have quarrelled with him..."
The tears discharge. I know that I am supposed to put an arm around her shoulder. I calculate the different ways in which I could do that, but before I'm finished she sniffs and sweeps away the tears. I notice how, even on her cheeks, the tears still have the colour of the eye they came from.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I don't... I don't understand. They were fish. How could they..."
I remember something. "Wait... Do you remember what Mark Zuckerberg said?"
"I... No, I was too surprised... I guess."
"About the fish. He reacted... astonished. He said something like he thought he could only command humans."
"You mean that Mark is responsible for..."
"I don't know. It could be. How long before had you... been in a relationship with him?"
She falls silent, again, but luckily not for long. "I don't know, exactly, but... no more than three weeks. Maybe... I could have know... That... that... _salaud_." And the tears come again. I am done calculating and stretch out my left arm first, so that I can put my right one behind it, and avoid any clumsy scenes. However, again I cannot finish my intention. The crystal orb starts emitting an aggresively white flash, attacking our eyes like a vicious animal. For some moments I cannot see anything, then slowly the light mutes and the room reappears, stained by disturbances in my retina. After some moments I realise there is a face in the orb.
"Thank the immortal gods I found you. You've done great so far. Listen to me, I know what to do next."

----------


## Chantellabella

Wait! You snuck this excerpt in 6 days ago????!!!!! I must not be subscribed to it anymore. Ok. I have to run to go to work so I'll have to read it when I get back. Sorry it took so long for me to see this. I can't wait to read it tonight!! 


Oh and just for the crazy talk record..........kumquats do make a refreshing snack for pigeons. I don't know if it relates to your story, but if it does, you're welcome to use it.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> As we sit down in perfect desperation and the pristine morning rays come travelling from over the Mediterranean all the way to this dusty hallway, the apish and still unconscious American makes gurgling sounds and time is made of glass, as all of these impressions surround us I think this is the right point in the story for some emotional discharge.
> "You never told me about your mother."
> The French girl sighs in a melodramatic way, then responds. "When I was four years old, she ate a rotten codfish. The ambulance arrived too late due to all the roads being blocked because of a national fishermen's strike against the government. The food poisoning killed her. It took my dad years to get over it."
> It seems a disproportional part of the girl's life has been marked by fish. Looking into the unfathomable eyes, I search for words to keep the conversation alive.
> "I never knew codfish were so dangerous."
> "They aren't, usually. Of course with salmon you've always got to be careful, but I never heard of any other codfish poisonings. Except my mother. Do you believe in fate, Daniel?"
> I shake my head. The silence grows like a cancer. I search for something to say. 
> "Tell me a little more about fish."
> She blinks with her eyes a few times. "Well... it's hard to explain. There are many types of fish. My father is - was primarily skilled in preparing haddock or mackerell. Though he also did lobster and cuttlefish. I sometimes went with our village's fishermen, they usually caught a lot of mackerell of course, also turbot, but mainly mackerell. Sometimes they caught a garfish, then we'd all gather on the village square to have a festival dinner. There were also some prawn boats, you need special nets for those, you see? When you use regular nets on prawn they escape through the meshes. My personal favourite fish was the thornback ray, they always seemed to wave to me, sometimes when the fisherman had caught a ray I'd secretly throw it back into the water. So... there's a lot more to tell fish, but I don't know..."
> ...



See??? Fish are always the problem. Especially fish from McDonald's. Their fish filet food poisoned me 3 weeks ago and I almost died then. 

Besides everyone knows that the only way to cook fish is to douse it in Zatarians, cayenne pepper and add a touch of Tony Cacheries. Otherwise, it'll just kill you. 

So who found them? Jack Dorsey maybe.

Although Twitter is limited, their logo is way better than Facebook's logo. 

Just saying.

----------


## Sagan

I present to you 
*Creepy... Crawly... Creepy... Crawly... CreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawlyCreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawly.*

----------


## Chantellabella

> I present to you 
> *Creepy... Crawly... Creepy... Crawly... CreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawlyCreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawly.*



OMG!! Put a warning on that next time!  ::o: 

ewwwwwwwwwwww 1000 times over. I just got rid of rats. Now I'll have bug nightmares.

----------


## Member11

I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.



This message paid for by the fine people who brought you Spam.............the "mystery food."  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.



This message paid for by the fine people who brought you Spam.............the "mystery food."  ::):  

or are you talking about the lovely people who try to sell us leg wax here?  :Confused: 

Either way, I'll go get my crossbow.

Neptunus...........why don't you bring that big pointy thing you carry around?

We got some spam meat to keeel!

----------


## Sagan

Spam. Cornbread with staunch berries.

----------


## Sagan

No really though. Yesterday I ragtagged my nurdle sack

----------


## Anteros

> I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.



Prophetic words!!!!!





> Neptunus...........why don't you bring that big pointy thing you carry around?
> 
> We got some spam meat to keeel!



We be eatin' fine tonight (and for the next 2-3 months or so!)  Submissions for spam recipes welcome!  ::

----------


## Ironman

> Breathes like a polar bear!!! LOL!!
> 
> 
> 
> Totally, did not even know there was an international backgammon congress. See? This is why it's great to meet people around the world. I know here in Texas we have an international cow pie slinging congress.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, you're probably right. Not only did I not know there was The Ramblas 108 wasn't real, but I didn't know The Ramblas 106 actually exists. I definitely need to get out more............or maybe just read more. 
> ...



Menard's is like Home Depot, but around the Great Lakes.  I don't think they sell fishing gear there....or do they?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Prophetic words!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> We be eatin' fine tonight (and for the next 2-3 months or so!)  Submissions for spam recipes welcome!



Fine shooting partner!! I'll go get the Zatarain's. 

Somebody go get a mop. We got some spam spill on aisle 4.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Spam. Cornbread with staunch berries.



Yeah, I hear we got a whole mess of it. Anybody got some fruit jars for the berries and a casserole dish for the deceased?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Menard's is like Home Depot, but around the Great Lakes.  I don't think they sell fishing gear there....or do they?



I must be tired. I first read that your Home Depot surrounded the Great Lakes and I was sitting here wondering how they could build something that big. Or even why they needed that much hardware. Sleep deprivation can be quite the Disneyland ride.

----------


## Member11

> This message paid for by the fine people who brought you Spam.............the "mystery food."  
> 
> or are you talking about the lovely people who try to sell us leg wax here?



The "meat", of course! Especially as Spam, Bacon, sausage and Spam, but not as Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam, that is just weird! :: 





> Prophetic words!!!!!



You know it ::

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of leg wax and Spam et al................

Every morning on my way to work, I hear a commercial on the radio about a hair removal place. In the many years I've heard about this place, it has organized a woman's life, gotten her a better career, made her feel more confident, given her back years of time, got her the dream man she always wanted and on and on and on. Generally her hair removal has done everything short of paying her taxes and mowing her lawn. 

Maybe we should allow that one to come in and pitch. We might get all of our social, emotional and financial problems solved in one shot. Then we could post a section on how being hairless has set us free. 

Now if said hair removal spam does make it's way here, you may all put me in the time out corner for mentioning them.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella



----------


## Member11

> 



 ::

----------


## Daniel C

It is hard to describe. Maybe if you would take all the beauty of the city of Verona, the silence of the ocean, and the brightness of all 2361 stars visble from earth, you could get an impression of what the Queen Azalia looks like, even when blurred by the glass of a primordial orb. 
"You found one of the orbs. Great. Have you tried to use it?"
"Yes, but it didn't seem to work. The signal, was uhm... distorted."
"That is because the orb still commands Mark Zuckerberg. It isn't enough to have it in your hand. You have to really... _communicate_ with it."
"Right... and how are we going to do that?"
"You need to have more orbs."
"More?"
"More than half of them. There are seven so that makes..."
"Four. Where in heaven's name are we going to find three more orbs?"
"You don't need to find three of them. Remember what I told you? When the extraterrestrials came, some 11,000 years ago, to take back the orbs, we managed to save one of them and hide it in a place where they couldn't find it. Also, our soldiers arrested Mark Zuckerberg after the hotelier had, uhm, precipitated him. It turned out he had one of the orbs in his handback. So we've got two of them down here. Plus the one you have now, that only leaves one."
I feel a large wave of tiredness arise in me. I fear the story is getting much too complicated for any casual readers to follow. But there isn't much time to ponder over that problem. 
"I see. Did Mr. Zuckerberg also tell you where it can be found?"
"Alas - he seems to be rather well-skilled in protecting his thoughts. All those years of thelepacy must have given him a strong cognitive inflexibility."
"But then they can be anywhere on the planet. How are we ever going to track them down?"
The French girl meddles into the discussion with a hesitant hand gesture. "Daniel, you are writing a story about this, aren't you? That means you have knowledge us... simple characters have not. Can you perhaps... I don't know... hoist yourself into the narrator's position? And find out where the orbs are?"
"I don't know - maybe. Give me a minute."
I step out of the story, back into reality, and scroll down the pages of the 'Crazy talk' thread in search for a clue. After endless dissertations about Zuckerberg's mother, I finally stumble upon the following quote:
'These meetings had place in six of Mark's favourite cities, one in each continent, among which he had divided six of the crystal orbs, the seventh one of course always being close to Mark himself.'
"I found some useful information. One of the orbs Zuckerberg always carries with him, that's the one you found obviously. The other six are in his favourite cities all over the world. One of them is Barcelona, apparently, and one of them has to be... Seoul. Of course. One of the orbs is in Seoul."
The Queen frowns her silver eyebrows. "Is that in the environment of Barcelona?"
"Uhm... not really. We can take a plane though. It'd probably take us about... fifteen hours, I guess?"
"That's a long time. By then the extraterrestrials must already have been alarmed. But if it's the only option then... One more thing though. The orb we managed to hide away - we substituted it with a fake exemplar to fool the extraterrestrials. That means one of Zuckerberg's orbs is fake. When you head to Seoul, you must be sure the orb that is there is the real one. Are you..."
"Positive. I witnessed some weird things there. It was obvious something ... non-terrestrial was going on in that city."
"In that case, you must go now, I shall no longer detain you. And please... take care, both of you."
For some reason the British accent of the Queen's transparent voice always awakes the parts of me that can only exist inside a fictional story. "Don't worry, we shall give all we can. You can count upon our will to strive until the bitter end."
Her image flickers away as in a poorly connected tv screen. We get up at the exact moment the fat American wakes up, with a sound that remembers me of the time my father fell through the ice. The memories...
"God, what happened."
"The end of the world. Stay calm, God is going to rescue you. You're an American, after all."
And we storm onto the Ramblas, that has transformed itself into a modestly whirling morning scene. The Ramblas isn't a street, it is a river with one thousand forms. 
The French girl looks overwhelmed (of course, she isn't used to much). "Follow me!" I shout out, as we turn into a side alley where cars are allowed. 
"Taxi!" I call out in a Sherlock-like manner. I've always wanted to do that.
"The airplane. Shortest route. Now."
And we set off through the narrow alleys, heading towards yet another episode. For lack of any epic violin music, I try to hum Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. Seeing the vicarious shame in the eyes of the French girl, however, I cut off. Anyway, the situation is epic enough already.

----------


## Chantellabella

> "The end of the world. Stay calm, God is going to rescue you. You're an American, after all."



LOL!! Thanks for making me choke on a cracker while laughing. Sadly, I have relatives who would say that very thing.  ::):  





> "Taxi!" I call out in a Sherlock-like manner.



 :: 

I'm telling you, you're the funniest writer I've come across in a long time. I hope you are keeping all this. Your creativity is amazing. You're as good as the people who are published. 

I can say that because I'm a librarian. 

But I don't wear reading glasses on a chain.

I do have 7 cats, but I wear 14 earrings at once. I think that negates the whole librarian/ cat lady persona.

----------


## Daniel C

> LOL!! Thanks for making me choke on a cracker while laughing. Sadly, I have relatives who would say that very thing.  
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm telling you, you're the funniest writer I've come across in a long time. I hope you are keeping all this. Your creativity is amazing. You're as good as the people who are published. 
> 
> I can say that because I'm a librarian. 
> ...



Haha... now don't exaggerate. Or maybe you've just been reading the wrong books. Ever tried Jonathan Safran Foer? Now _he_ is funny. And touching. I suspect him of being a genius.
So does that mean you wear you wear 14 earings the ear or seven in each? It's really essential to determine wether you fit in the librarian / cat category or the spirited rock 'n roll category.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Haha... now don't exaggerate. Or maybe you've just been reading the wrong books. Ever tried Jonathan Safran Foer? Now _he_ is funny. And touching. I suspect him of being a genius.
> So does that mean you wear you wear 14 earings the ear or seven in each? It's really essential to determine wether you fit in the librarian / cat category or the spirited rock 'n roll category.



More of a throw back from the 60's. Right now I have 7 in each ear, but I used to have 12 in each ear. When I counseled I wore hoops mostly, but now I stay  the more "conservative" studs and hoops. Now how many people can say their grandmother is that cool?  ::):

----------


## Daniel C

> More of a throw back from the 60's.



But aren't the 60's just a synonym for rock 'n roll? Or am I confusing the 60's and the 50's? Maybe I shouldn't try saying something useful about eras that were far before my time.  :Ninja: 





> Right now I have 7 in each ear, but I used to have 12 in each ear. When I counseled I wore hoops mostly, but now I stay  the more "conservative" studs and hoops. Now how many people can say their grandmother is that cool?



That's for sure. I can only dream about my grandmothers being so cool... Or maybe I shouldn't. I guess it'd be a rather unsettling experience to realise your grandmother is cooler than yourself. Yeah, I guess I'd just be grateful my grandmothers just spend their days baking apple pie and listening to classical music.

Edit: A ninja smiley? Why does it give me a ninja smiley? What certainties are left when the : S combination translates to a ninja smiley? I am utterly confounded right now.  ::o:

----------


## Chantellabella

You're not supposed to understand ninja smileys! That's just crazy talk!

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Awww!!!  :Hug: 

Definitely huggable!  ::):

----------


## Member11

Traffic, traffic...
Descend, descend...
Increase descent...
Increase descent...
Clear of conflict.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Traffic, traffic...
> Descend, descend...
> Increase descent...
> Increase descent...
> Clear of conflict.



What the pigeons on the wire discuss during morning traffic?

Am I close?

How many points is this question?

----------


## Daniel C

The lady speaks English with a faultless accent. "You are lucky, the next scheduled flight to Seoul from Charles de Gaulle airport will be this evening at 7 PM. If you take the 12:30 flight to Paris you can still catch it. I can book you the last two seats economy class, next to the window. The flight will take approximately twelve hours, you'll arrive at about 12 AM local time. Shall I book it?"
"Yes, that sounds perfect."
"Okay... single flight to Seoul, stopover at Paris, two tickets economy class... that'll be... 1260 euros. Do you have a credit card?"
So far, I hadn't considered the option this adventure would have any financial implications. I turn to the French girl. "I think it's fair to share the costs, don't you?"
"Well, regarding the fact that my family was devoured by a swarm of flying fish whereas you still have two parents to financially rely on, I'd say it's only fair if you pay for the lion's share of the expenses."
"Of course you don't know my parents, but I can tell you if I'd come to them to ask if they can pay for a double ticket from Barcelona to Seoul that I had to purchase as a part of an operation to prevent the world from falling into the hands of blood thirsty extraterrestrials, I don't think they'd give in." 
"But it was you who started this entire odyssee whereas I was just dragged along, so I'd say the responsibility for the expenses also lies in your hands as well." 
"But you chose to join in out of free will." 
"Well, seeing as I'm only a character in your story, I doubt if I was really free to choose in the first place." 
"Doesn't the fact that we're having a disagreement right now indicate that you have the free option to deviate from the course of my narration?" 
"Do you know that modern neuroscientists claim free will is really an illusion and we're all driven by chemical factors?" 
"Well, as Daniel Dennett convincingly demonstrated, there is no necessary collission between chemical determinism and free will." 
"I don't have a credit card with me."
"Touche." 
As the paying machien swallows my fictional credit card, my thoughts go out to my grandmother, and how I am going to explain to her my money went out to two transcontinental flight tickets. But I have to put the greater good over my personal concerns.

The custom officer shows some deep suspicion over the crystal orb that I have tucked into a plastic back I always carry with me for case of emergency, but finally he finds himself unable to come up with any concrete objections and lets us pass reluctantly. We take place in two seats in the large white arrival hall. 
"We're flying over your capital. Did you go there a lot?" 
"Yes, my aunt lives in an appartment near the Rue de l'Odeon. We went to visit her a lot. It's a shame we don't have time to leave the airport, otherwise I could pay her a visit. She must be under the hypothesis the fish killed me as well..." 
"Wait - you just said all of your family got killed in the fish disaster?" 
"That was for the sake of the argument. And anyway, you don't mean to say I shouldn't complain because only my father was killed, do you?" 
I still find myself unable to deal with her temperament. "No, of course not, it's only... I'm sorry." 
An awkward silence follows, disturbed by the jubilations of reunited families, the sobs of mothers saying goodbye, the agitation of people preparing for their holidays. She finally resumes: "Daniel, if we finally have found the fourth orb, what are we going to do then?" 
The question arouses a surreptitious uncertainty inside me. "I don't... I mean, the queen will know. She know everything." 
"And what if the queen is just sending us all over the planet to conceal the fact that she personally doesn't have any idea what should happen? I mean, why would us possessing the crystal orbs stop the aliens from invading the earth?" 
Her turquoise eye always carries most suspicion.
"Did you see her? I mean, did you look at her? She just was... in harmony. She knows what should happen. You can just see it."
The girl wants to say something more but to my relief her words are drowned by the voice of a female robot filling the hall. _Els passatgers de ParÃ*s s'aconsella anar a la porta en el seu bitllet. Los pasajeros de ParÃ*s se aconseja ir a la puerta en su billete. Passengers for Paris are advised to head to the gate on your ticket._
"Let's go," I say. "There is no place for doubt in this story. Doubt is a chemical defect found in the losing side." 
"You didn't come up with that yourself."
"Says who?"
"I don't know. I don't watch a lot of American movies."
"It's from a British tv series." 
"I don't watch those either."
"You'd better start to. It can come in very handy whenever you're stuck in a conversation."
"I'm losing track of this conversation."
"I'm afraid the reader is too. Let's just stop talking and proceed to our next destination. Seoul. Back to where it all started."

----------


## Chantellabella

> The lady speaks English with a faultless accent. "You are lucky, the next scheduled flight to Seoul from Charles de Gaulle airport will be this evening at 7 PM. If you take the 12:30 flight to Paris you can still catch it. I can book you the last two seats economy class, next to the window. The flight will take approximately twelve hours, you'll arrive at about 12 AM local time. Shall I book it?"
> "Yes, that sounds perfect."
> "Okay... single flight to Seoul, stopover at Paris, two tickets economy class... that'll be... 1260 euros. Do you have a credit card?"
> So far, I hadn't considered the option this adventure would have any financial implications. I turn to the French girl. "I think it's fair to share the costs, don't you?"
> "Well, regarding the fact that my family was devoured by a swarm of flying fish whereas you still have two parents to financially rely on, I'd say it's only fair if you pay for the lion's share of the expenses."
> "Of course you don't know my parents, but I can tell you if I'd come to them to ask if they can pay for a double ticket from Barcelona to Seoul that I had to purchase as a part of an operation to prevent the world from falling into the hands of blood thirsty extraterrestrials, I don't think they'd give in." 
> "But it was you who started this entire odyssee whereas I was just dragged along, so I'd say the responsibility for the expenses also lies in your hands as well." 
> "But you chose to join in out of free will." 
> "Well, seeing as I'm only a character in your story, I doubt if I was really free to choose in the first place." 
> ...



I absolutely love these two characters. Their arguments are hilarious! This excerpt made me laugh. A great way to start my day. 

I do have a question though. If I tried to get on a plane from Dallas with a glowing orb, I would be strip searched down to my toes. If it was in my pocket the xray machine would show it as I swallowed it and I would be on some secret airport operating table, while airport security people would be trying to extract it while wearing bomb squad gear. Are French airports just a bit more lenient at the airport security station?

----------


## RawrJessiRawr

what if curiosity didnt kill the cat?? =^.^=

----------


## Chantellabella

> what if curiosity didnt kill the cat?? =^.^=



Maybe we should get an autopsy?

----------


## Sagan

Cornbread master puppeteers. I call on thee to coalesce into the grand Samsung of our time!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Cornbread master puppeteers. I call on thee to coalesce into the grand Samsung of our time!



Um. Should I kneel or something? 

Let me know when that Samsung coalesces. I might want to see that in action.  ::):  

And did you know that I have a mouse puppet named Cheddar who emails me? I wish this was crazy talk, but sadly it isn't. Cheddar and I used to fight all the time at work because he never wanted to work for his pay of cheese its. He retired when a co-worker retired. Since then, Cheddar has gone more places on vacation than I have blades of grass. And he emails me all his vacation pictures with his little outfits on his trips. 

I always try to make his vacations a little more exciting by giving him tips. Like when he was on a road trip, I suggested he lean waaaaaayyyy out the window under the overpasses to watch the tires spin. I also told him that bottle rockets shoot better if he holds them in his paw until they go off. 

Damned mouse!

----------


## Member11

> What the pigeons on the wire discuss during morning traffic?
> 
> Am I close?
> 
> How many points is this question?



It's actually the alerts put out by the TCAS (or the traffic collision avoidance system) found on most aircraft. When two aircraft are too close for comfort, the TCAS in both aircraft goes off with an alert "Traffic, traffic.", if the aircraft are still on a collision course the TCAS in one aircraft will tell the pilots to descend while the other TCAS in the other plane will tell them to climb, "Descend, descend." for the former and "Climb, climb." for the latter. When a collision is avoid the TCAS will advice "Clear of conflict". Interesting thing is if there is a conflict between what TCAS says to do and what Air Traffic Controllers says, pilots are trained to ignore Air Traffic Controllers and follow TCAS instructions.

----------


## Chantellabella

[QUOTE=Joker;188139]It's actually the alerts put out by the TCAS (or the traffic collision avoidance system) found on most aircraft. When two aircraft are too close for comfort, the TCAS in both aircraft goes off with an alert "Traffic, traffic.", if the aircraft are still on a collision course the TCAS in one aircraft will tell the pilots to descend while the other TCAS in the other plane will tell them to climb, "Descend, descend." for the former and "Climb, climb." for the latter. When a collision is avoid the TCAS will advice "Clear of conflict". Interesting thing is if there is a conflict between what TCAS says to do and what Air Traffic Controllers says, pilots are trained to ignore Air Traffic Controllers and follow TCAS instructions.

That's just crazy talk! 

Everybody knows that air traffic controllers duck and scream, "Maverick!" when the pilot strafes the tower. 

Oh wait. That might be from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Never mind.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

I thought I thought a few thoughts, but after thinking about it, I think I just won't think. Think so?

----------


## Sagan

No I think you might be wrong.

----------


## Chantellabella

But I thought my thoughts were what I was thinking. But after hearing what you think, I think my thoughts might need more thinking.

----------


## Daniel C

Mark Zuckerberg had known better moments in his life. Being tied with seaweed inside a moisty cellar several miles below sea level could hardly be called a particular acme, especially in the light of his recent status as Governor of Planet 363c, as the extraterrestrials called earth. The most annoying thing was that he couln't even remember what had happened: he'd been at the verge of finishing off his duty when something had hit his head with incredible force, followed by a lengthy period of blackness that had finally dissolved in this uninviting chamber. Also, his orb was gone.
The dungeon was rather spacious, but that was all that could be said about it. Except for the granite bench that he was both sitting on and tied to, there was no furniture to be seen. The only light came seeping in through the corroded bars, and it could hardly be called light, but rather some kind of syrupy liquid that, not very succesfully, attempted to pass as light. He couldn't even see what was in the dark alcoves that spread on both side, though presumably there was nothing at all. And then there was the seaweed bending his arms into an unnatural position. Mark had never known there was seaweed so strong you couldn't break it. He figured it might be stronger than the bars, that seemed like a single blast could break them like match sticks. Maybe that was why he was tied in the first place. 
Suddenly a controlled rumble arose, the light grew brighter and less viscose, and before he knew a woman stood on the other side of the bars. Her appearance instantly made the memory of his three hundred and thirty two girlfriends fade into mere insignificance. Using his telepacy, the only instrument that was left to him -apparently the orbs were still obeying him- he noticed, with something that, in different circumstances, could have been a shock, that the lady was just like the extraterrestrial, and like himself, that her thoughts, as well, were not limited to the borders of her own cognition.
"Good morning Mark. My name is HRM Azalia VII, daughter of Neptune XLIV, son of Tristan XVII, descendant of the great Neptune I; by the grace of the gods, Atlantis, and all living creatures below sea level; countes of Crete; duchess of Santorini; defender of wealth, prosperity and all maritime matters; et cetera, et cetera."
He later couldn't remember wether she actually spoke the words or just sent them to him directly from her mind; it didn't really matter anyway.
"Good morning. My name is Mark Zuckerberg and I demand to be released immediately. You have no right to detain an American citizen."
Mark himself was impressed by his articulate reaction, and, when he felt the amazement take possession of her body, he also felt a great stroke of satisfaction. Even a luminous fairytale queen wouldn't be able to abase him, Mark Zuckerberg, Governor of Planet 363c.
"You committed -or were on the verge of committing- a crime on our territory. We have the right to detain you."
"I never did anything illegal. And anyway, there is no reason to keep me in these degrading circumstances. If you'll ever release me I'll utter a former complaint at the UN and..."
"Listen, Mark. We both know why you're here. Let's no longer turn around the point. We cannot let you go as long as you are intending to hand down our planet's faith to the wims of a capricious alien species."
The incorruptable equilibrium on her face started to get on Mark's nerves. "Of course, that's what I've been doing. Surrendering to some evil alien planet. Do you know how hard I've been working, all these years, to preserve the very balance of this planet? When I came into office all those years ago this place was a total mess. There were wars, and crises, and terrorist attacks. It was a mess. The only thing the extraterrestrials asked from me was to restore peace and tranquility here. They wanted nothing in return. Okay, I'll grant things aren't ideal yet. The financial crisis was hard to foresee. But I did my best, and gradually, things are improving. So who are you to claim what I did was wrong?"
"I don't only claim so, Mark. I know. I know because we've been in the same position. For millennia we carried out the extraterrestrials' orders. We brought balance to this place - just like you. But when we were finally done - when the world was at the verge of reaching absolute tranquility - they showed off their real intentions. Mark, it is not too late to see your errancy. You couldn't know in the first place, so I won't hold anything against you. But you must choose now. If you decide to join us, you can be of invaluable importance. You may even signify the difference between slavery or independence for the billions of inhabitants of this planet."
At that moment, Mark might have cracked - he might have fallen for her symmetrical face and crystal voice, were it not for two reasons. The first one was the recollection of the extraterrestrial, the ease and impeccable gentleness with which he had always discoursed. The thought that such a being would have any sinister schemes was simply absurd. The second reason was a sudden cramp cannoning through his back, in between his arms that were twisted by the steel seewead strings. No enlightened being would keep him, Mark Zuckerberg, in such conditions, however esthetically perfect her face might be.
"I can feel that you will not join us then, Mark. So be it. We cannot release you. I'll send someone down to bring you some food - and to discharge your arms a bit."
A silence followed while Mark waited for her to go away while she didn't go away. As the second clustered together in minutes, he felt a peculiar voltage rise in between him and the lady, through the bars, through the opaque light rays.
"Or maybe I'll fix that last thing myself."
She put out a silvergreen key from somewhere beneath her garment. The door creaked open with a sound that hung in the air for more then seven seconds. When she finally resurrected her face, Mark could see it. Feel it. She had been living alone without any youthful male company for thousands of years.
"Let me ease those skeins for you. They're cutting into your skin."
Mark had read the Odyssey. Circe. Calypso. He had to be cold-blooded. The potent vegetable fell of his wrists. In a second, he elevated them, turned around, had her pinned against the  wall.
"What are you doing? I wanted to..."
"I've just discovered the only way to outmanoeuvre a telepathic being. Thank you for the insight. I cannot stay to finish the deed, unfortunately."
"You're a..."
"I've got better things to do than stay in this subaquatic township serving as the object of a queen's bottled up passions. Why not try a gigolo? They're very cheap these days."
And with the vigour of his 28 years, Mark headed through the exit, slammed the grille, and turned back the key that was still sticking out. Leaving the queen in a well-deserved bewilderment, he mounted the mossy stairs, while in his head an orchestra was playing the Captain Jack Sparrow theme. Freedom. It had never tasted this way before.

----------


## Sagan

Ahh the Kraken stole my cornmeal punch in the midst of my ever reminiscent cushioning of the knees of a cat. Like a gyroscope telling it which way is up.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Mark Zuckerberg had known better moments in his life. Being tied with seaweed inside a moisty cellar several miles below sea level could hardly be called a particular acme, especially in the light of his recent status as Governor of Planet 363c, as the extraterrestrials called earth. The most annoying thing was that he couln't even remember what had happened: he'd been at the verge of finishing off his duty when something had hit his head with incredible force, followed by a lengthy period of blackness that had finally dissolved in this uninviting chamber. Also, his orb was gone.
> The dungeon was rather spacious, but that was all that could be said about it. Except for the granite bench that he was both sitting on and tied to, there was no furniture to be seen. The only light came seeping in through the corroded bars, and it could hardly be called light, but rather some kind of syrupy liquid that, not very succesfully, attempted to pass as light. He couldn't even see what was in the dark alcoves that spread on both side, though presumably there was nothing at all. And then there was the seaweed bending his arms into an unnatural position. Mark had never known there was seaweed so strong you couldn't break it. He figured it might be stronger than the bars, that seemed like a single blast could break them like match sticks. Maybe that was why he was tied in the first place. 
> Suddenly a controlled rumble arose, the light grew brighter and less viscose, and before he knew a woman stood on the other side of the bars. Her appearance instantly made the memory of his three hundred and thirty two girlfriends fade into mere insignificance. Using his telepacy, the only instrument that was left to him -apparently the orbs were still obeying him- he noticed, with something that, in different circumstances, could have been a shock, that the lady was just like the extraterrestrial, and like himself, that her thoughts, as well, were not limited to the borders of her own cognition.
> "Good morning Mark. My name is HRM Azalia VII, daughter of Neptune XLIV, son of Tristan XVII, descendant of the great Neptune I; by the grace of the gods, Atlantis, and all living creatures below sea level; countes of Crete; duchess of Santorini; defender of wealth, prosperity and all maritime matters; et cetera, et cetera."
> He later couldn't remember wether she actually spoke the words or just sent them to him directly from her mind; it didn't really matter anyway.
> "Good morning. My name is Mark Zuckerberg and I demand to be released immediately. You have no right to detain an American citizen."
> Mark himself was impressed by his articulate reaction, and, when he felt the amazement take possession of her body, he also felt a great stroke of satisfaction. Even a luminous fairytale queen wouldn't be able to abase him, Mark Zuckerberg, Governor of Planet 363c.
> "You committed -or were on the verge of committing- a crime on our territory. We have the right to detain you."
> "I never did anything illegal. And anyway, there is no reason to keep me in these degrading circumstances. If you'll ever release me I'll utter a former complaint at the UN and..."
> ...



So let me get this straight! Was Facebook Mark's plan to bring peace to the world? I'm not sure that plan is working although I see he had good intentions. He's definitely the Jack Sparrow Indiana Jones kind of guy though. And what's with these underwater beings? They have some real issues. Don't they have like gods of the sea or something? Where's Neptunus? Maybe some Mermen? It just seems like besides the whole "saving the earth from the aliens" thing, they have some real frustrations in the social department.  ::):  Your story chapters are so great! I love reading your installments. Action packed with your quirky humor.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Ahh the Kraken stole my cornmeal punch in the midst of my ever reminiscent cushioning of the knees of a cat. Like a gyroscope telling it which way is up.



I just have to ask. Is cornmeal punch gritty?  :: 

Cats have knees??!   :Cat: 

 ::):

----------


## Knuff

> Cats have knees??!



Indeed, and so do the bees!  ::D:

----------


## Sagan

That's right. and the bees will steal your soul.

----------


## Brasilia

FREEEEEEEEE Nelson Mandela!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------


## Brasilia

the avatars here are huge 

apologies i have no idea what the rules are to this thread

----------


## Daniel C

> the avatars here are huge 
> 
> apologies i have no idea what the rules are to this thread



The only rule is that you are not allowed to say anything that may be conceived in a meaningful way. So far you seem to do rather well.  ::D:

----------


## Chantellabella

> the avatars here are huge 
> 
> apologies i have no idea what the rules are to this thread



Rules? 

That's just crazy talk!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Indeed, and so do the bees!



Why do bees have knees? Oh wait! I know. So they can get down on them to beeswax the hive. 

Am I close?

How many points is this question worth?





> That's right. and the bees will steal your soul.



 ::o:  :hide: 


I need an exorcist.


 :mask: 

Ok, he'll have to do.

----------


## Chantellabella

> The only rule is that you are not allowed to say anything that may be conceived in a meaningful way. So far you seem to do rather well.




Wait. So you're saying Mark Zuckerberg is a figment of my sister-in-law's imagination??!! 

Ah ha!!! I knew it! 

Does anybody like asparagus?

----------


## Ironman

You can't haaave mah milk 'n cookies!
Dazzz right!

You can't haaave none o' this!

----------


## Chantellabella

> You can't haaave mah milk 'n cookies!
> Dazzz right!
> 
> You can't haaave none o' this!



How about your Ovaltine and biscuits? 

That'll work too.

----------


## Daniel C

> So let me get this straight! Was Facebook Mark's plan to bring peace to the world? I'm not sure that plan is working although I see he had good intentions. He's definitely the Jack Sparrow Indiana Jones kind of guy though. And what's with these underwater beings? They have some real issues. Don't they have like gods of the sea or something? Where's Neptunus? Maybe some Mermen? It just seems like besides the whole "saving the earth from the aliens" thing, they have some real frustrations in the social department.  Your story chapters are so great! I love reading your installments. Action packed with your quirky humor.



Yes, but unfortunately he was blinded by the promise of immortality and didn't see the menace of the situation, so I can't help but having him being the main antagonist. 
Well, everyone has their peculiarities. Let's keep in mind the greater good. The gods are dead, as you might know. And mermen never existed. They were created by Russian propaganda.

----------


## Daniel C

> Wait. So you're saying Mark Zuckerberg is a figment of my sister-in-law's imagination??!! 
> 
> Ah ha!!! I knew it! 
> 
> Does anybody like asparagus?



Yes! Oh, dear.  :Heart: 
The existence of Mark Zuckerberg should be seen seperatedly from his essence. The role of your sister-in-law in the whole remains a mystery. I can't rule out the possibility she appears in the last segment of the story as a deus ex machina to save the world. Or destroy it. Depending on her temper.

----------


## Sagan

Yesterday the guacamole dip told me it felt personally violated. So i said screw this and went to Mc Donalds. Then my big mac started metamorphosize into a large Mylar balloon and began chasing me throughout the place.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yesterday the guacamole dip told me it felt personally violated. So i said screw this and went to Mc Donalds. Then my big mac started metamorphosize into a large Mylar balloon and began chasing me throughout the place.



Have you been eating guacamole right before bedtime again?  I told you that it would cause McDonald's Big Mac nightmares.

----------


## Chantellabella

> And mermen never existed. They were created by Russian propaganda.



 ::o:   Egad!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yes! Oh, dear. 
> The role of your sister-in-law in the whole remains a mystery.



The role of my sister-in-law remains a mystery to all of us. 

We think her purpose is to keep everyone informed about everyone.

Even when we don't ask.  :Spider:

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, pigeons will wear diapers.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach and jello dip makes one turn green.

But only on Tuesdays. 


The other days, one turns a lovely shade of fuchsia with paisley sprinkles.


Well, unless it's the rainy season.


When that happens, spinach and jello dip just works well as toothpaste.

----------


## Member11

> But only on Tuesdays.



Tuesday?! You said Friday. :confused:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Tuesday?! You said Friday.



Yeah, I realized Fridays would be a bad day of the week. Too much competition with restaurants.

----------


## Member11

> Yeah, I realized Fridays would be a bad day of the week. Too much competition with restaurants.



But the booking was made for Sunday.

----------


## onawheel

i like music, i consider myself a reasonable person, when my music, which is at times dynamic annoys others in the house there is nothing I can do. all I can do it turn it down so low that the quiet parts can't even be heard in my room then the loud parts can be heard better.. then for me to only feel guilty and concerned someone is going to complain about it. the one thing I love, music and others make it impossible and make me feel [BEEP] over it. good times. : /

----------


## Otherside

So if you put a badger and a chicken in a cage together and told them that whoever won could eat the kidnapped fox for lunch, who would win? I'm betting on the badger, the chickens kinda lame and useless.

----------


## onawheel

the badger would turn on the chicken, win, makes friends with the fox and they'd both eat the chicken. then the badger and fox would have babies together and give birth to a foxger. it would have super powers.

----------


## IllusionOfHappiness

> the badger would turn on the chicken, win, makes friends with the fox and they'd both eat the chicken. then the badger and fox would have babies together and give birth to a foxger. it would have super powers.



I can get behind this idea.  :Yes:

----------


## Brasilia



----------


## Otherside



----------


## Member11

If I had wings, I could walk to the store! :Clapping:

----------


## Sagan

If I had feet, I would fly to the store.

----------


## Member11

> If I had feet, I would fly to the store.



Feet? No, legs are better.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just saying hi and that things are going well lately for me at work and home. I'm also rebuilding my garden which is a lot of fun.

I miss all of you!!!!!!!!!!

I look in regularly and think of you guys often.


And that's not crazy talk!  :group hug:

----------


## Sagan

Hey there! It's nice to hear from you. I am glad you are doing well and enjoying the nicer weather. I have been doing better myself. Spring is my favorite time of the year. Everything is coming alive again. Flowers and trees blossoming everywhere. Been going out for walks lately and getting some sun has really helped with my depression issues. Maybe i'll even dust off my camera and get out and get some shots in.

Take care!  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hey there! It's nice to hear from you. I am glad you are doing well and enjoying the nicer weather. I have been doing better myself. Spring is my favorite time of the year. Everything is coming alive again. Flowers and trees blossoming everywhere. Been going out for walks lately and getting some sun has really helped with my depression issues. Maybe i'll even dust off my camera and get out and get some shots in.
> 
> Take care!



That's awesome! I'm glad you're feeling better with the weather change. I hope you post the pics when you take them. You're a great photographer.  :Hug:

----------


## pam

Hi Cindy! Nice to see you. Up north I am still waiting for the weather change. It's kind of late this year, lol.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hi Cindy! Nice to see you. Up north I am still waiting for the weather change. It's kind of late this year, lol.



Living more north than Dallas??!! 

Now THAT's crazy talk! :-) Spring will come. It's just inevitable. Good to hear from you.

----------


## Otherside

Tell me about it, it's still snowing over here, I just want it to be spring!!

Chantabella, didn't really know you that well, but welcome back  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Tell me about it, it's still snowing over here, I just want it to be spring!!
> 
> Chantabella, didn't really know you that well, but welcome back



It's still dumping snow over here also in the northern states and it's actually been dipping in the 30's again here during the night this week. The poor little trees and bulbs are going "ah, spring! oh wait.......nevermind...............oh yeah, it's spring...............oops! too cold. But it will come soon. It's nice to see the grass coming back green. Around here, green is good. You get to see it right before the 110 degree weather shows up. I know 110 degrees sounds crazy, but hey, this *is* the crazy talk thread.  ::):

----------


## Coffee

> It's still dumping snow over here also in the northern states and it's actually been dipping in the 30's again here during the night this week. The poor little trees and bulbs are going "ah, spring! oh wait.......nevermind...............oh yeah, it's spring...............oops! too cold. But it will come soon. It's nice to see the grass coming back green. Around here, green is good. You get to see it right before the 110 degree weather shows up. I know 110 degrees sounds crazy, but hey, this *is* the crazy talk thread.



Are you back among us AxS'ers for real?  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Are you back among us AxS'ers for real?



Yep.  ::):  I couldn't stand to stay away from you awesome guys forever. Where else will I find so many smart, loving friends? Yes, I've been getting more done by not being online so much, but I haven't stopped peeking in on your guys to see how you are doing. I had to step away to get my head straight about not rescuing people . I was falling into the rescue co-dependent behaviors again and wanted to help you all every time you each hurt. But trying to rescue every one of you every time you hurt was just crazy talk. I've been repeating to myself "I can't save the planet, I can't save the planet." I also wasn't so sure about my defense system working properly.  ::):   But I got that tweeked by the very best mental mechanic. I feel fine tuned and ready to join my buddies for some laughs. So I will probably not be online as much as I was, but I like having you all as friends. You guys brighten my day.  :Hug:  I really like the virtual hug idea btw. Whoever is Teddy and thought that idea up needs a  :Hug: 

So to answer your question................for real.  :Yes:

----------


## Sagan

Nice to have you back Cindy. I have missed your humor and wisdom  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Nice to have you back Cindy. I have missed your humor and wisdom



Humor I have. Wisdom? Now that's just crazy talk. *big hug right back at ya!*

----------


## Coffee

> Yep.  I couldn't stand to stay away from you awesome guys forever. Where else will I find so many smart, loving friends? Yes, I've been getting more done by not being online so much, but I haven't stopped peeking in on your guys to see how you are doing. I had to step away to get my head straight about not rescuing people . I was falling into the rescue co-dependent behaviors again and wanted to help you all every time you each hurt. But trying to rescue every one of you every time you hurt was just crazy talk. I've been repeating to myself "I can't save the planet, I can't save the planet." I also wasn't so sure about my defense system working properly.   But I got that tweeked by the very best mental mechanic. I feel fine tuned and ready to join my buddies for some laughs. So I will probably not be online as much as I was, but I like having you all as friends. You guys brighten my day.  I really like the virtual hug idea btw. Whoever is Teddy and thought that idea up needs a 
> 
> So to answer your question................for real.



Yesssss  :banana guy:

----------


## whiteman

I actually mowed the lawn this week and it was 61 degrees here yesterday. I hate the winter, but it went by faster than usual this year.

----------


## Otherside

> I actually mowed the lawn this week and it was 61 degrees here yesterday. I hate the winter, but it went by faster than usual this year.



Still winter here, I'm gonna go and roast some squirrels and serve them to the seven dwarves who are currently sitting on a tree somewhere.

YAY Chantabellas back!  ::D:

----------


## Chantellabella

> I actually mowed the lawn this week and it was 61 degrees here yesterday. I hate the winter, but it went by faster than usual this year.



Mowing the lawn? Now that's just crazy talk. One should just spray weed killer. Then you have that lovely desert effect I now have in my yard. Get a few camel statues, paint your house beige. It works.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Still winter here, I'm gonna go and roast some squirrels and serve them to the seven dwarves who are currently sitting on a tree somewhere.
> 
> YAY Chantabellas back!



I got ya some good recipes



My favorite? Squirrel on a stick. Makes it easier to dip in the ranch dressing.

----------


## Daniel C

In celebration of Chantellabella's return, I have written a poem:

Look! The sky is white
and like a banker's heart
they call it spring

I tried to eat an orange
but it resisted
and squeezed itself into my eyes
then I took a mandarin

(When at first you don't manage
always take the smaller one)

While I am writing this, the smells
of my mother's pancakes
swarm into my nostrils
so far for my sketch of the atmosphere

Did you know that Neanderthals
became extinct because
they couldn't eat rabbit?

We may not be able to preserve peace
but at least we can catch a rabbit
so in the end, we're not a total fail
on the face of history

Enough about evolution!
it makes my brain hurt
and they already hurt so much
after reading pages of Schopenhauer
who was depressed
just like me
and the weather
they call spring

Wait - am I writing
solely about myself?
this was supposed to be
a poem in honour of
Chantellabella 
what kind of egoist am I?

Chantellabella in Texas
where people still know 
what sunshine looks like
she has returned
and brings us spring
like a box of chocolates

Let us call out
hurray!
hurray!
and for the highly enthousiastic:
a third hurray!
and maybe a fourth
I leave that to your personal judgement

In Syria they make war
in China they make iPhones
in Japan they make money
in Belgium they make chips

In here they make pancakes
and music
(did I mention that?
my brother is playing his saxophone
it appears to be music)

In Texas they make spring
it is not fair
but who are we
to complain?
at least we've got 
pictures
that proof
there is still
such a thing 
as flowers

Perhaps this is
the worst poem ever
that would be prodigious
I have never written
the worst poem ever before

In any case it is long
like a pensioner's temper
I shall therefore exclaim
a final hurray! and then
declare the ending
of this poem

(The ending of this poem)

----------


## Sagan

Coralmac stole my unicorn under severe and harsh conditions. I was unable to move from the neuro toxin. I sure do miss my rainbow bright rainbow patty of sunshine.

----------


## Otherside

> I got ya some good recipes
> 
> 
> 
> My favorite? Squirrel on a stick. Makes it easier to dip in the ranch dressing.



Unfortunatley, the squirrels leapt out of my fridge and all I was left with was bamboo shoots I'd stolen from kung-fu panda last night. So I fried them with strawberry ice cream, and gave them to Grumpy, who refused to eat it.

Well I go to all that effort and he refuses to eat it. How rude!

----------


## Chantellabella

> I actually mowed the lawn this week and it was 61 degrees here yesterday. I hate the winter, but it went by faster than usual this year.



Please come mow my lawn/weeds/neighbor's oak leaves/random dinosaurs strewn about. Yes, there are dinosaurs all over my backyard compliments of my grandson. They are grey and when I find them I think they're rats with rigor mortis and scream.

----------


## Chantellabella

> In celebration of Chantellabella's return, I have written a poem:
> 
> Look! The sky is white
> and like a banker's heart
> they call it spring
> 
> I tried to eat an orange
> but it resisted
> and squeezed itself into my eyes
> ...



 ::):  I feel honored............ :Confused: ............no...............maybe confused ...................... no .................... culturfied? ......... is culturfied a word? .................... no ............ enlightened? ................  inspired ............................. no, that's not it either......................hm .......................................   ::):  ............................give me a moment to think about it........................................... could you repeat the question?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Coralmac stole my unicorn under severe and harsh conditions. I was unable to move from the neuro toxin. I sure do miss my rainbow bright rainbow patty of sunshine.



I think it is a philosophical breakthrough!!!! 


And.....................................


I know for a fact that the pigeons did it!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Unfortunatley, the squirrels leapt out of my fridge and all I was left with was bamboo shoots I'd stolen from kung-fu panda last night. So I fried them with strawberry ice cream, and gave them to Grumpy, who refused to eat it.
> 
> Well I go to all that effort and he refuses to eat it. How rude!



Have you tried freezing the fried strawberry ice cream/fried bamboo shoots? Then when it's nice and frozen *and very hard,* beat him with it. That might get him to at least try it.

----------


## Trendsetter

I'm so happy Chantellabella is back on her thread.  ::

----------


## Chantellabella

> I'm so happy Chantellabella is back on her thread.



 :banana guy:  And I'm happy you guys are here with me!

----------


## Daniel C

The word 'beehive' is not entirely accurate to describe Incheon International Airport. Over the centuries, humans have invented a new type of swarming, unknown to all other creatures, even insects. As we head over escalators, through custom ports, over human assembly lines, everything around us is one impressionist blur of families, pickpockets, tramps that have made their homes in the countless arrival halls, and contemporary cavemen, the kind that exclusively wear Armani suits and cover their eyes in Ray Ban sunglasses, whose skin has changed into parchment as a result of a life spent in offices, taxis, and airports. 
After a inestimable period we stand outside. Even the sun looks artificial in this realm of modern development. A digital clock points out it is almost midday; during our flight we have catched up with the timezones and now morning and evening have swapped places. But there is no time to give in to exhaustion. We walk towards the parade of taxis and get into one of which the driver looks relatively reliable, even though most of his teeth are absent. 
"Seoul? Centre?" He has to repeat that last word three time for me to understand.
"Uhm... yeah... could you please bring us to the spot where uhm... the thylacine attack took place some days ago? You know?"
The confusion on the teethless face is of a transcedental level. I take out my iPhone (which, by the way, is no longer fictional  :Celebrate: ) and google for images of thylacines. When I show one to the taxi driver he is overtaken by a wave of child-like enthousiasm and starts an extensive treatise in which I can occassionally detect a word. 
"Can you take us there?"
"Course, course sir. Half our, three quarters maybe."
And we set off. "Are you sure you'll be able to find the right building this time?" my companion in world-travelling asks, as we leave the island over a cozy steel bridge.
"Positive. It looked like a shipwreck."
"A shipwreck?"
"Metaphorically. Just as your eyes look like two gems."
A silence follows. I wonder if that last remark might have been a little inappropriate. I search for ways to explain the simile was by no means meant insolently, but she interrupts my attempts.
"You know, you are a pretty strange person. I've never heard someone say my eyes looked like gems before. According to the boys in my home village they were like drops of salt water."
"I think they are like gems more."
"Do you like gems?"
"I... uhm... well, I do not necessarily dislike them"
"You don't directly strike me as the typical gem person, you know."
"Well... perhaps I aren't, but..."
"Then why did you say my eyes were like gems?"
"It was just a simile, I... I don't know."
The buildings on both sides of the road grow higher, we are getting deeper into the steel jungle. After a long and intricate period in which only the noises from outside and the taxi driver's dissonant whistling can be heard, she finally speaks again. I wonder what it says about the relationships that she continuously is the person to set up a conversation."
"Daniel, I wonder... why did you write me into your story? When you were in the Mediterranean, you could have introduced anything to help you proceed in the plot. An American navy ship... a superhero... a giant squid... why did you choose to introduce a displaced French girl with eyes that are like gems?"
"I'm not sure... I'm not sure if I really have that much power over the story. I mean... maybe it was just meant... you know, on a higher level..."
I wonder if I should look into her eyes or out of the window. I decide in favour of a compromise and look right in front of me. In the front window, my eyes meet the taxi driver's.
"Almost there," he calls, neutralising the suspense in the taxi cabin. I look to the side of the road. A very stylish sign says 'Gangnam district'. The taxi decelerates and finally comes to a halt at the pavement near a building that unmistakenly looks like a shipwreck. I pay with the last bits of my credit card and as the taxi heads off to new customers we let the heart of Seoul consume us for a moment.
"You remember, Daniel?"
"Yeah, I remember. It was right here." And I walk through the folding doors of the shipwreck-skyscraper into the huge, dark hall that is now entirely desolate. The table around which all world leaders were previously positioned is still present, the orb is not.
"Where is the sphere?"
"It's got to be somewhere here. In this building. I am sure of it. If you'd been Mark Zuckerberg, where in the building would you have hidden the crystal orb?"
"At the very top, of course. Mark is a narcissist. Things can never be high enough for him."
We head towards the elevator in the back of the hall. The total absence of people inside this huge building slightly troubles me.
As the elevator transports us in vertical direction like a rocket, the silence is all-embracing. I feel my chest go up and down at the pace of my heart.
The doors open at floor 53. We get out into a red hall that leads to a single door. Despite the entirely different setting, the sight slightly remembers me of the palace in Atlantis. The memory of it seems so far away it makes me doubt for a moment if it wasn't just a dream. But it can't be a dream; why else would I now be silently walking through a deserted office skyscraper in the centre of Seoul with a French gem-eyed girl on my side?
The door opens without a sound. A small office oversees the entire centre of Seoul, below humans, cars and trains swarm on a micro-level. Evidently, my companion was not mistaken about Mark Zuckerberg's narcissism. 
At the right wall there is a huge Vermeer-styled painting. At the left one there is a small vault.
Neither of us speak a word, we both know we are at the right spot.
The vault has a number lock.
"Do you have... do you have any idea what..."
"Give me one moment."
I focus my brains. There was another vault, earlier in the story. I close my eyes and go back. 
_He typed in the six-digit code -which he had modelled after his mother's birthday, so that he would be sure to never forget it..._
"The code is Mark's mother's birthday," I whisper. But I have no idea what...
"I do!" the French girl calls out, so hard her voice echoes through the office, something that oddly adds to my discomfort. "He told me," she continues on a softer tone. "He said his memory was really bad, and mine was really good, so he asked me to remember it. I did, I still do, no matter how hard I tried to forget. She was born on December 12, 1956."
I type in the code - 121256 - and the vault door pops open. In the tiny niche there are two objects - a piece of paper containing hundreds of numbers, and an orb. I take out my gloves and pick up the orb, avoiding any skin contact that would, again, carry me into the deepest crypts of telepathic involuntarism. The triumphal silence is interrupted when the orb changes colour, and out of the mists the queen Azalia's marble face destillates. 
"Daniel! I've tried to reach you, but... Anyway. It's Mark. He escaped."
I'd never have thought any of the queen's words would ever feel like punch in my stomache. "What do you mean... how..."
"No time to explain. The most important thing is he escaped. You are in great danger. Please..."
But she can't finish her sentence because, behind our backs, a familiar voice pierces the atmosphere.
"Exactly. And you have walked right into my trap. Now please do as I ask you, or this beautiful panorama will be the last view to reach your eyes. Please deposit the orb at your feet, and put your hands up. You have had your playtime, Daniel. It's been fun, but now it's enough. We're going to make some plot twists. This is no longer your story, Daniel."

----------


## Chantellabella

> The word 'beehive' is not entirely accurate to describe Incheon International Airport. Over the centuries, humans have invented a new type of swarming, unknown to all other creatures, even insects. As we head over escalators, through custom ports, over human assembly lines, everything around us is one impressionist blur of families, pickpockets, tramps that have made their homes in the countless arrival halls, and contemporary cavemen, the kind that exclusively wear Armani suits and cover their eyes in Ray Ban sunglasses, whose skin has changed into parchment as a result of a life spent in offices, taxis, and airports. 
> After a inestimable period we stand outside. Even the sun looks artificial in this realm of modern development. A digital clock points out it is almost midday; during our flight we have catched up with the timezones and now morning and evening have swapped places. But there is no time to give in to exhaustion. We walk towards the parade of taxis and get into one of which the driver looks relatively reliable, even though most of his teeth are absent. 
> "Seoul? Centre?" He has to repeat that last word three time for me to understand.
> "Uhm... yeah... could you please bring us to the spot where uhm... the thylacine attack took place some days ago? You know?"
> The confusion on the teethless face is of a transcedental level. I take out my iPhone (which, by the way, is no longer fictional ) and google for images of thylacines. When I show one to the taxi driver he is overtaken by a wave of child-like enthousiasm and starts an extensive treatise in which I can occassionally detect a word. 
> "Can you take us there?"
> "Course, course sir. Half our, three quarters maybe."
> And we set off. "Are you sure you'll be able to find the right building this time?" my companion in world-travelling asks, as we leave the island over a cozy steel bridge.
> "Positive. It looked like a shipwreck."
> ...



The story's baaaaaackkkkkkkkk! Yay!

I knew Mark Zuckerman was guilty all along! Anybody devious enough to make a social media where my sister-in-law can stalk everyone on the planet with one touch of a button, just HAD to be evil. 

I just need to know one thing.

How do you focus your brains? And why is your brain plural? Hm.  :Sly:  That explains a lot of the plot twists. There's really two or more inside that random, yet brilliant noggin of yours, isn't there?

----------


## Chantellabella

Giant asparagus(es) ate my Skittles. 


Oh wait.


Nope. 


I was wrong.


It was the mailman.


Damned mailman!


I was saving them for a rainy day!

----------


## Otherside

> Giant asparagus(es) ate my Skittles. 
> 
> 
> Oh wait.
> 
> Nope. 
> 
> 
> I was wrong.
> ...



Or was it the aspargus-shaped mailman who stole your skittles?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Or was it the aspargus-shaped mailman who stole your skittles?



Hm. I hadn't thought of that.


Damned asparagus shaped mailman! 

He ate my Skittles!

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



I knew it!!! Cats just have shifty eyes.

----------


## Daniel C

> The story's baaaaaackkkkkkkkk! Yay!
> 
> I knew Mark Zuckerman was guilty all along! Anybody devious enough to make a social media where my sister-in-law can stalk everyone on the planet with one touch of a button, just HAD to be evil. 
> 
> I just need to know one thing.
> 
> How do you focus your brains? And why is your brain plural? Hm.  That explains a lot of the plot twists. There's really two or more inside that random, yet brilliant noggin of yours, isn't there?



Perhaps... perhaps not... who will tell? The only thing I know is that my brains are always hazy except when they are least needed, in which case they are sharp like a razor. Of course, in fiction things go differently. Did I tell you my brains are also purple?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Perhaps... perhaps not... who will tell? The only thing I know is that my brains are always hazy except when they are least needed, in which case they are sharp like a razor. Of course, in fiction things go differently. Did I tell you my brains are also purple?



Purple brains, huh? 

That would be a great name for a rock band.  ::):

----------


## Otherside

So feeling kinda hyper and so...
_
B-b-b-b-b-boom-boom boom-b-b-boom-boom boom-b-b-boom boom b-b-b-b-boom-boom_

----------


## Chantellabella

> So feeling kinda hyper and so...
> _
> B-b-b-b-b-boom-boom boom-b-b-boom-boom boom-b-b-boom boom b-b-b-b-boom-boom_




The national anthem of the Drummer's Union? 

Am I close? 


And how many points do I get for this question?

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, air will be rationed. The northern hemisphere will breathe on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The southern hemisphere has Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On Tuesdays every one is expected to hold their breaths until further notice.

Anyone caught blowing up a balloon or blowing out birthday candles will be jailed immediately.

----------


## Otherside

> The national anthem of the Drummer's Union? 
> 
> Am I close? 
> 
> 
> And how many points do I get for this question?



5 points, and yes, I thought I'd pay tribute to the elephants of the drummers union that ate candyfloss during the walrus war





> In the interest of mankind, air will be rationed. The northern hemisphere will breathe on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The southern hemisphere has Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On Tuesdays every one is expected to hold their breaths until further notice.
> 
> Anyone caught blowing up a balloon or blowing out birthday candles will be jailed immediately.



Oops. I breathed on a Monday.

----------


## Daniel C

> In the interest of mankind, air will be rationed. The northern hemisphere will breathe on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The southern hemisphere has Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On Tuesdays every one is expected to hold their breaths until further notice.
> 
> Anyone caught blowing up a balloon or blowing out birthday candles will be jailed immediately.



That's not fair! The southern hemisphere are with way less people. I say they get Wednesdays and Sundays and we get the rest of the week. Except in months with 31 days, in which the Southern hemisphere also gets the third Saturday of the month. And now I'm being really generous.

----------


## Chantellabella

> 5 points, and yes, I thought I'd pay tribute to the elephants of the drummers union that ate candyfloss during the walrus war



You know I'll never understand what the walruses had against the elephants. Yes, the elephants had much bigger "appendages," but their only food was candyfloss. Do you know how much of it they had to eat to feel full? Poor things were stopped up for days. Some even had to have surgery to unwind those blocked balls in their stomach. I recall hearing that one of the vets started pulling out a string (from places unmentionable) and after 6 hours, finally got the whole string out. I heard it was very unpleasant for all parties involved.





> Oops. I breathed on a Monday.



Well, lets hope the 10 kazillion satellites watching our every move, didn't catch that. 

Just to be on the safe side.............. I wouldn't answer the door.

----------


## Chantellabella

> That's not fair! The southern hemisphere are with way less people. I say they get Wednesdays and Sundays and we get the rest of the week. Except in months with 31 days, in which the Southern hemisphere also gets the third Saturday of the month. And now I'm being really generous.



Yes, but just like how heat rises, air also rises (back me up Sagan). So even though they are able to "legally" take a breath, there won't be much to breathe in because most of the air will be floating north. So shh!! they sort of have a placebo air supply. Let's not let our Aussie, NZ and other southern hemisphere friends here know about that. 

Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

----------


## Otherside

> Well, lets hope the 10 kazillion satellites watching our every move, didn't catch that. 
> 
> Just to be on the safe side.............. I wouldn't answer the door.



 :hide:  I think the robotic polar bears the government hired are waiting outside...guess I'm gonna have to sneak out the window and ride my flamingo to Australia where I can breathe on a Monday.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I think the robotic polar bears the government hired are waiting outside...guess I'm gonna have to sneak out the window and ride my flamingo to Australia where I can breathe on a Monday.



But now it's Tuesday. so if you go to Australia, you'll miss your air day.

----------


## Otherside

> But now it's Tuesday. so if you go to Australia, you'll miss your air day.



I'm trying to hold my breathe here but failing, I'm just gonna take one quickl sneaky breath...

----------


## Chantellabella

> I'm trying to hold my breathe here but failing, I'm just gonna take one quickl sneaky breath...



Ever read The Hunger Games? I think it's sort of like that. You take a breath, now we get to put your name in the lottery and if your name is pulled you have to fight to the death. 


Sorry. 

It's the rules.

----------


## Chantellabella

Chickens have lives too! 

Long live the squirrels. 

Who btw hate chickens.

----------


## Otherside

> Ever read The Hunger Games? I think it's sort of like that. You take a breath, now we get to put your name in the lottery and if your name is pulled you have to fight to the death. 
> 
> 
> Sorry. 
> 
> It's the rules.



Now that is* NOT* fair

----------


## Chantellabella

> Now that is* NOT* fair



All's fair in crazy talk.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

First you take the peanuts and you crunch em, you crunch em
Then you take the grapes and you squish em, you squish em
Then you take the bread and you spread it, you spread it
Then you take the sandwich and you lob it, you lob it
Cause it's a gooooooooood window weapon ................ at the road rager

----------


## Daniel C

The way back from Seoul to Incheon International Airport is less enjoyable than the way from the airport to the centre. I am not altogether sure whether this is because of the absence of the toothless taxi driver's brisk whistling, the covered windows that deprive us of the magnificent view of the city, or the fact that the chairs in front of and behind us are occupied by bodyguards wearing sunglasses, ugly custom-made suits, and intricate kinds of weaponry. Mark Zuckerberg, who for some reason decided to sit right between us, has been talking into his iPhone - a newer model than mine - for the past twenty minutes. For what I have understood, he is informing his extraterrestrial client that he has recaptured command of six of the seven orbs, that he has already equiped a military unit to invade the city of Atlantis and recapture the seventh orb, that his two new prisoners will surely be very useful in this operation, that he is highly sorry for the recent disturbances and that the tea export shall not suffer under them. Hereby he consistently calls me 'David' instead of 'Daniel' but regarding the circumstances I don't deem it very prudent to object.
Finally, Zuckerberg ends his conversation and puts his iPhone (that, I now notice, has inlaid diamonds in it) back into his pocket, inhaling a significant proportion of the cabin's air before speaking, all of this with his eyes closed.
"You see guys, I'm sorry our encounters have been a little awkward. I didn't mean to affront you two. I hope you won't hold the entire pistol thing against me, of course it was all a joke. Instead, I'm sure we'll be able to get along well. In fact, I think we may be very useful for each other. You see, those underwater people have most discourteously purloined something under my property. Of course such a barbarian act cannot remain without repercussions. Since you appear to have a certain bond with those natives, I thought you might serve - voluntarily of course - as intermediators. You see, maybe you could convince them their corner of the earth has become terribly outdated and it would be in their own interests to join in a transmigration plan I set up. I am very sure the fertile soils of Nevada will be an excellent new territory for them. You may also tell them that the consequences, may they choose to refuse my irrefusable proposal, will probably be at the expense of their general healthfulness. If you'll succesfully manage to convey this message, you shall of course be rewarded. What would you say of living inside one of the most spacious pieces of my real estate collection, guarded by electric wire and some of the most professional security agents under my employment? I am very positive the upcoming course of events will hold the best possible results for all of us."
While one of my brains listens with abhorence to Mark Zuckerberg's cruel intentions, the other one turns like a threadmill in a desperate attempt to invent a cunning plan that may safe the Atlanteans, the earth, and the freedom of myself and my French companion, whose illuminating figure doesn't belong inside an ennobled prisoner camp. However, my desperate labour is interrupted when the car suddenly comes to a halt and the doors at both sides swing open, giving view to even more mediocrely dressed bodyguards with guns I wouldn't know the names of. With a confined amount of guttural sounds, they make clear we should follow them onto the asphalt. Once out of the car, I see we are in the middle of a landing ground. Apparently the lowbrow practices of gates and customs do not apply to such a magnificent person as Mark Zuckerberg.
We are walking towards a streamlined airplane with no logo on it. As we mount the stairs towards the entrance, I contemplate the possibility of repeating the trick we performed at the Ramblas in Barcelona, but I figure taking approximately twenty bodyguards along in my fall would be a little too ambitious. All the while, the French girl walks besides me with an admirably confident attitude. Even though we haven't found the courage to look at each other's faces since Mark Zuckerberg interrupted us in the Seoul skyscraper, I feel we have become united in a tacid convenant to not let Mark Zuckerberg get possession of our confidence. And as long as there is confidence, there is hope. I know that doesn't make sense, but sometimes the nonsensical is all that's left to rely on.
The plain only contains three armchairs, placed inside a circle. Me and my French companion are directed into two of them; Mark Zuckerberg takes place in the third one. As the plane takes off, Mark Zuckerberg starts twaddling again.
"I must say I find your muteness a little unsociable. Don't you think it would make this trip a lot more pleasant if we could have an interesting conversation? For instance, did you read Coetzee's new novel? I just finished it; wonderful piece of prose. I could definitely recommend it."
Zuckerberg is in his element. He is in command, and being in command is what he has gotten accustomed to over the last years. If only we could disturb the easiness with which his machine is running. But secluded from the world by seven miles of air, an inpenetrable aluminium cabin and twenty perpendicular musclemen with unidentifiable weapons, our options are fairly limited.

----------


## Chantellabella

> The way back from Seoul to Incheon International Airport is less enjoyable than the way from the airport to the centre. I am not altogether sure whether this is because of the absence of the toothless taxi driver's brisk whistling, the covered windows that deprive us of the magnificent view of the city, or the fact that the chairs in front of and behind us are occupied by bodyguards wearing sunglasses, ugly custom-made suits, and intricate kinds of weaponry. Mark Zuckerberg, who for some reason decided to sit right between us, has been talking into his iPhone - a newer model than mine - for the past twenty minutes. For what I have understood, he is informing his extraterrestrial client that he has recaptured command of six of the seven orbs, that he has already equiped a military unit to invade the city of Atlantis and recapture the seventh orb, that his two new prisoners will surely be very useful in this operation, that he is highly sorry for the recent disturbances and that the tea export shall not suffer under them. Hereby he consistently calls me 'David' instead of 'Daniel' but regarding the circumstances I don't deem it very prudent to object.
> Finally, Zuckerberg ends his conversation and puts his iPhone (that, I now notice, has inlaid diamonds in it) back into his pocket, inhaling a significant proportion of the cabin's air before speaking, all of this with his eyes closed.
> "You see guys, I'm sorry our encounters have been a little awkward. I didn't mean to affront you two. I hope you won't hold the entire pistol thing against me, of course it was all a joke. Instead, I'm sure we'll be able to get along well. In fact, I think we may be very useful for each other. You see, those underwater people have most discourteously purloined something under my property. Of course such a barbarian act cannot remain without repercussions. Since you appear to have a certain bond with those natives, I thought you might serve - voluntarily of course - as intermediators. You see, maybe you could convince them their corner of the earth has become terribly outdated and it would be in their own interests to join in a transmigration plan I set up. I am very sure the fertile soils of Nevada will be an excellent new territory for them. You may also tell them that the consequences, may they choose to refuse my irrefusable proposal, will probably be at the expense of their general healthfulness. If you'll succesfully manage to convey this message, you shall of course be rewarded. What would you say of living inside one of the most spacious pieces of my real estate collection, guarded by electric wire and some of the most professional security agents under my employment? I am very positive the upcoming course of events will hold the best possible results for all of us."
> While one of my brains listens with abhorence to Mark Zuckerberg's cruel intentions, the other one turns like a threadmill in a desperate attempt to invent a cunning plan that may safe the Atlanteans, the earth, and the freedom of myself and my French companion, whose illuminating figure doesn't belong inside an ennobled prisoner camp. However, my desperate labour is interrupted when the car suddenly comes to a halt and the doors at both sides swing open, giving view to even more mediocrely dressed bodyguards with guns I wouldn't know the names of. With a confined amount of guttural sounds, they make clear we should follow them onto the asphalt. Once out of the car, I see we are in the middle of a landing ground. Apparently the lowbrow practices of gates and customs do not apply to such a magnificent person as Mark Zuckerberg.
> We are walking towards a streamlined airplane with no logo on it. As we mount the stairs towards the entrance, I contemplate the possibility of repeating the trick we performed at the Ramblas in Barcelona, but I figure taking approximately twenty bodyguards along in my fall would be a little too ambitious. All the while, the French girl walks besides me with an admirably confident attitude. Even though we haven't found the courage to look at each other's faces since Mark Zuckerberg interrupted us in the Seoul skyscraper, I feel we have become united in a tacid convenant to not let Mark Zuckerberg get possession of our confidence. And as long as there is confidence, there is hope. I know that doesn't make sense, but sometimes the nonsensical is all that's left to rely on.
> The plain only contains three armchairs, placed inside a circle. Me and my French companion are directed into two of them; Mark Zuckerberg takes place in the third one. As the plane takes off, Mark Zuckerberg starts twaddling again.
> "I must say I find your muteness a little unsociable. Don't you think it would make this trip a lot more pleasant if we could have an interesting conversation? For instance, did you read Coetzee's new novel? I just finished it; wonderful piece of prose. I could definitely recommend it."
> Zuckerberg is in his element. He is in command, and being in command is what he has gotten accustomed to over the last years. If only we could disturb the easiness with which his machine is running. But secluded from the world by seven miles of air, an inpenetrable aluminium cabin and twenty perpendicular musclemen with unidentifiable weapons, our options are fairly limited.



Ok, now you've moved into science fiction...................I mean, really???!!!! Mark reading a novel??

I am a bit worried about the whole Atlanteans relocating to a Nevada desert. You know the kinds of things that happened out there don't ya?.............. *sh! whispers* thats where cults and survivalists live.*

----------


## Otherside

In other news, my pet penguin just ate my horse. I'm not very happy with it, he's throwing a sulk at the mo because I told him he was grounded and he couldn't go penguin party in France.

----------


## Daniel C

> Ok, now you've moved into science fiction...................I mean, really???!!!! Mark reading a novel??
> 
> I am a bit worried about the whole Atlanteans relocating to a Nevada desert. You know the kinds of things that happened out there don't ya?.............. *sh! whispers* thats where cults and survivalists live.*



Mind you, he only _says_ he's read a novel, that doesn't mean he _has_ actually read it. Despite all aliens and esoteric orbs I still try to remain some form of realism in the story. 
Oh yeah, of course my alter ego is going to move heaven and earth to prevent the Atlanteans' exile to the Nevada deserts. I'll never allow them to be delivered to the whims of survivalist figures as long as I'm alive! Well, my alter ego, that is.

----------


## Chantellabella

> In other news, my pet penguin just ate my horse. I'm not very happy with it, he's throwing a sulk at the mo because I told him he was grounded and he couldn't go penguin party in France.



That will NOT be pretty in a couple of days. Who gets to shovel the ...........well, you know. 

I wonder what angry penguins do. 

Hm.  :confused:

----------


## Chantellabella

If you sleep mostly on one side, is there a possibility that your brains will eventually leak out of your ear?

----------


## Daniel C

The Queen Azalia couldn't remember the first day she couldn't remember how old she was. It had been somewhere between the death of her brother and the Second Long Winter. The only thing she knew was that she was younger than the malachide hotelier, and older than everyone from above the surface could even imagine. Time, in any case, was irrelevant. What counted were thoughts. Atlantis had once been a city of time, but it now was a city of thoughts, the thoughts of its handful of remaining inhabitants (She didn't even know how many there were. Twenty? Fifty?) had replaced time itself as the mechanism reality was floating on. Everything outside the realm of thoughts had withered long ago, she knew there were also inhabitants who hadn't been able to maintain their constant thinking, who had fossilised along with the buildings, the streets and the light. She knew even the remaining couldn't sustain the burden of thinking the sea away too long anymore. There was one solution. The seven orbs, together, they could - perhaps - carry the shield on their own weight. Release the inhabitants from their constant labour. The Daniel boy, and his girlfriend, in saving the world, might also save... even without knowing...
There was a memory. It was in one of those liquid days she was still a child, a time she couldn't remember except for a certain flickering of the mind. One of such flickerings: her father, the vacillating Neptune XLIV, inside the palace's archive. Her mentor, who had died even before her brother: it must have been one of those history lessons. The books piling up against the walls like a cave. Her father was seldomly present at the lessons, it was a special occassion. He had spoken.
"Marga-" that was what he had called her: 'Marga', Greek for 'pearl'. "Marga, I have to tell you something. I shall not elaborate: I am ill. Our city is ill, but I am even more ill. I will die - I don't know when, but I will. And then you will be the next queen, you know that. I must warn you. It will be difficult. You must be prepared. I - I think I might have been unprepared when I..." - he had burst out in one of his coughing attacks, that sounded like he wanted to spit his lungs onto the carpet. When he was finally done: "Listen, Marga, my pearl. You must promise me something. When I'm gone, all our hope - the hope of our ancestors, all the way back to Neptune I - will rest on your shoulders. Promise you will handle it wisely. Can you do that?"
What had she responded? Had she promised her father to be the best ruler the city had ever witnessed? This fell outside the range of flickering. Azalia was walking through the Monarchs' Corridor. The paintings - from Neptune I to Tristan VII, known for his tendency to surround himself with purple sea horses, Calypso I, depicted with her signature haughty frown, and all the way to her grandfather, Tristan XVII, who she could only recall by his swirling beard, and finally her father, who looked like the frame did not please him. They were all looking down at her - in what way? Hopeful? Uncertain? Disappointed?
The embarrasing scene with Mark Zuckerberg had effected her inner equilibrium. She had always tried to be immaterial, but she'd always known she couldn't be, at least not entirely. She remembered walking through the corridor, stopping at the painting of Taras II - Taras the Handsome, who had been portrayed when he was only twenty one. Everything around her had seemed so old, so dirty. And then the sight of Mark Zuckerberg in that moisty cellar, his bare chest unimpaired by dust or ageing, his cheeks... the contrast with the dungeon had been unbearable.
Azalia reached the end of the corridor. There was no time for weaknesses. There was no possible doubt about what Mark Zuckerberg would do after his miraculous escape. She had summoned the troops - those that had at least one limb left - and appointed the hotelier to be the general. He was old, and utterly repulsive, but he was one of the few Atlanteans that had retained some of their mental capacities. And it was wispered he had also been general in his young years, although nobody had known him in his young years so there was no possible verification of this rumour. The new general awaited her in the garden when the butler had pushed the palace gate open. As a child she had already been scared of him.
"I have gathered the troops on West Beach, your majesty. Please follow me."
She usually avoided leaving the palace, and again, the sight of the mouldering building aroused a feeling that she couldn't use at the moment. Pulling herself together, she followed the general (whose pace was provokingly slow, and also amazingly reminiscent of a pinguin) onto the beach. 
The sight was not exactly awe-inspiring. The most spectacular division was formed by the mermaids, some fifty in total, floating like buoys at the other side of the shield. The dolphins were fewer in number, twenty perhaps, but they were looking resolute as ever. The most critical was the human division. The general had collected all mobile men and women, but even the least emaciated soldiers were, by all standards, emaciated. The knives and crossbows they were carrying looked like they would perish to dust at the least attempt at operation. But even in the humans' eyes Azalia could read an emotion that might, in another place, in another situation, be conceived as courage.
"I know it isn't much," the general shrieked, "but it is all we can do."
"I know," she sighed, "you have done your best. We will let them see what we can do, and let the Gods determine whether it's enough."
"Do you know, majesty, when they are coming?"
Azalia closed her eyes. "Now," she whispered. "They are coming now."
Her father had been right. Hundreds of kings and queens, thousands of years, and millions of thoughts, all rested on top of her fragile shoulders. She knew she was strong. The question was wether she would be strong enough.

----------


## Chantellabella

Wait. So is Mark Zuckerberg attacking the Atlanteans with an Army? Is he organizing his Facebook followers? And if the Atlantean army is so old and decrepit, how do they plan to defeat the enemy? See if I were Azalia, I'd say, "sorry Pops! I'll get the next battle. 

No wonder Atlantis is called the Lost City.

----------


## Chantellabella

Seven bumbling blowfish nestled delicately next to the asparagus. 

I was slightly amused.

----------


## Otherside

So obviously, we all know that "Anxiety Space" is in fact,  cover, and this is in fact, an organization older than time itself who's name is so secret and powerful we do not mention on here, let alone in public, because if you mention it in public, people look at you totally shocked and well...it's secret, okay?

So obviously, we were created to des...ahem, _save_ the world. As you are probably aware, the world is once again under threat from the evil enemies, the teenage mutant ninja turtles. The fact that they are human sized turtles that speak english and wear clothes should have been worrying enough. But unfortunatley, the government stupidly believed them when they said that they wanted to sit at home and watch TV, and definitley did not want to destroy the world using the supercomputer they hid in there basement. We think they may been created by Darth Vader, but currently, we do not know where Darth Vader is. However, if you see Darth Vader, orders from the Mothership are telling you to shoot on site with the very technologically advanced device you were given. 

Also, if you see any walking teddy bears, DO NOT APPROACH!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT!!! THEY WANT TO KILL YOU! Instead, remain calm, and make a run for it, whilst calling the mothership on the secret number you should have been given when you joined the cult. And if you don't know the number, well...you're an idiot.

There is a big meeting next Monday, in which we will discuss strategies on how t_o_ finally locate and bring Darth Vader to justice. We currently believe he is behind the addiction to Pop Tarts that is sweeping through the world. You do bring cake to this meeting. If you don't, I will feed you to my pet dinosaur, who's very grumpy because I told him he couldn't eat the postman this morning.

----------


## Chantellabella

> So obviously, we all know that "Anxiety Space" is in fact,  cover, and this is in fact, an organization older than time itself who's name is so secret and powerful we do not mention on here, let alone in public, because if you mention it in public, people look at you totally shocked and well...it's secret, okay?
> 
> So obviously, we were created to des...ahem, _save_ the world. As you are probably aware, the world is once again under threat from the evil enemies, the teenage mutant ninja turtles. The fact that they are human sized turtles that speak english and wear clothes should have been worrying enough. But unfortunatley, the government stupidly believed them when they said that they wanted to sit at home and watch TV, and definitley did not want to destroy the world using the supercomputer they hid in there basement. We think they may been created by Darth Vader, but currently, we do not know where Darth Vader is. However, if you see Darth Vader, orders from the Mothership are telling you to shoot on site with the very technologically advanced device you were given. 
> 
> Also, if you see any walking teddy bears, DO NOT APPROACH!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT!!! THEY WANT TO KILL YOU! Instead, remain calm, and make a run for it, whilst calling the mothership on the secret number you should have been given when you joined the cult. And if you don't know the number, well...you're an idiot.
> 
> There is a big meeting next Monday, in which we will discuss strategies on how t_o_ finally locate and bring Darth Vader to justice. We currently believe he is behind the addiction to Pop Tarts that is sweeping through the world. You do bring cake to this meeting. If you don't, I will feed you to my pet dinosaur, who's very grumpy because I told him he couldn't eat the postman this morning.



What is Darth Vader and the Care Bears throwing Pop Tarts at postmen eating dinosaurs?


Correct!! For 200 points. 

Next Jeopardy answer.................


Spinach tastes like chicken.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't hear my brain think!!! 

I think I broke it.

----------


## Otherside

This is what happened.

----------


## Chantellabella

> This is what happened.



I may look like the rest of them, but I'm very different. Nobody has a tutu like me.

----------


## Otherside

> I may look like the rest of them, but I'm very different. Nobody has a tutu like me.



Very true. It's a shame you lost your helmet though.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Very true. It's a shame you lost your helmet though.



No problem. I can get scrub brushes at Walmart. Stick that in a bike helmet and I'm good.

----------


## onawheel



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Yep. I agree...................that's just crazy talk!

----------


## onawheel

I dunno... it's something, it may or may not be interesting or crazeh but it's something and something is still possibly interesting. I don't even have a ps3 but I may be interested in a ps4. because ....I dunno games look fun to play. even if they are major suckers of time. ok i am done....I need to vacuum my carpet.

----------


## Otherside

I'm so happy, cos today I found my friends, they're in my head. I'm so ugly. Thats okay, cos so are you. Sunday Morning-is everyday for all I care. And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In our daze cos I found god. YEAH YEAH!!!! YEAH YEAHHHH-EH! YEAH YEAH! So on so on...I CBA.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I dunno... it's something, it may or may not be interesting or crazeh but it's something and something is still possibly interesting. I don't even have a ps3 but I may be interested in a ps4. because ....I dunno games look fun to play. even if they are major suckers of time. ok i am done....I need to vacuum my carpet.



Lol! Your randomness just made me spew water all over my keyboard.  :Rofl:

----------


## Chantellabella

> I'm so happy, cos today I found my friends, they're in my head. I'm so ugly. Thats okay, cos so are you. Sunday Morning-is everyday for all I care. And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In our daze cos I found god. YEAH YEAH!!!! YEAH YEAHHHH-EH! YEAH YEAH! So on so on...I CBA.



Nirvana-Lithium Lyrics

And yes, that's really crazy talk.  ::):

----------


## life

im not getting a ps4, but a xbox 720,

----------


## Chantellabella

> im not getting a ps4, but a xbox 720,



That's just crazy talk!!!




btw................I have no idea what's the difference. The closest I come to gaming systems is I gather them and bring them to the teen gaming days I hold at the library. I have no clue which one's better. I'm still trying to get Mario to move forward rather than up and down.

----------


## Otherside

> That's just crazy talk!!!
> 
> btw................I have no idea what's the difference. The closest I come to gaming systems is I gather them and bring them to the teen gaming days I hold at the library. I have no clue which one's better. *I'm still trying to get Mario to move forward rather than up and down.*



 :: 
Now I wanna play the game.

----------


## life

> That's just crazy talk!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> btw................I have no idea what's the difference. The closest I come to gaming systems is I gather them and bring them to the teen gaming days I hold at the library. I have no clue which one's better. I'm still trying to get Mario to move forward rather than up and down.



the only difference as far as i can see is the online system, you have to pay for xbox live but the playstation network is free, saying that imho xbox live is the best for online gaming

----------


## Chantellabella

I tend to use xboxes, nintendos, wiis, ps2's for the gaming programs. To me, they all look the same. The teens actually enjoy playing the older versions. They tell me it brings back memories of their childhood.

----------


## Ironman

Caffeine withdrawal headache.  I have to drink some coffee to get rid of it?!

----------


## Misssy

My hair said that it was chagrined at the sound of birds singing and wanted to be shat on. The doves said they were not in the mood for pooping on heads. 

So my hair decided that my shoulders should do a summersault down a hill, right in the direction of a cow turd. 

My mind was oblivious to the plan.

----------


## Chantellabella

> My hair said that it was chagrined at the sound of birds singing and wanted to be shat on. The doves said they were not in the mood for pooping on heads. 
> 
> So my hair decided that my shoulders should do a summersault down a hill, right in the direction of a cow turd. 
> 
> My mind was oblivious to the plan.



Girl, I've got to know what shampoo you use. My hair just lays there limp and refuses to do anything.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Caffeine withdrawal headache.  I have to drink some coffee to get rid of it?!



Yes.

Kinda like drinking a bloody mary will cure your hangover.

Seems to be crazy talk to me, but hey..........I'm not the AMA.  ::):

----------


## Otherside

And so, after taking over the world, I am tired, and just wanna go home, sit and collapse and drink tea and sleep, and not go to this stupid dwarf party.

----------


## Chantellabella

> And so, after taking over the world, I am tired, and just wanna go home, sit and collapse and drink tea and sleep, and not go to this stupid dwarf party.



But they will be so disappointed.

----------


## Misssy

There is a penalty for not going to a dwarf party once you have been invited. Yeah I wouldn't mess with them, you will never be able to buy a Christmas tree again let alone find your missing dogs.

----------


## Chantellabella

> There is a penalty for not going to a dwarf party once you have been invited. Yeah I wouldn't mess with them, you will never be able to buy a Christmas tree again let alone find your missing dogs.



So that's who stole my Christmas tree and dog!!!

I blamed Santa. 

 ::  Now I'm on the naughty list.

----------


## Chantellabella

pickled spam goes well with lime green spandex

dont ask how i know

----------


## Sagan

Oh I know exactly how you know. I no longer wonder where my pickled spam and lime green spandex have gone. you stole them!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Oh I know exactly how you know. I no longer wonder where my pickled spam and lime green spandex have gone. you stole them!



But I left you some apricots and pigeon shampoo. I thought that was a fair trade.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, jello surfing will only be allowed on Weds mornings. The folks at the senior citizen center complained that we held the surfing too late in the evening and they were just too tired after a long day of bingo and samba lessons. 

I agreed.

----------


## Daniel C

Gosh, I haven't visited this thread in a long time. It's not been very beneficial for my health, I can tell you. The doctors are currently trying to replace my eyeball where it belongs. I'll try to keep you updated.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Gosh, I haven't visited this thread in a long time. It's not been very beneficial for my health, I can tell you. The doctors are currently trying to replace my eyeball where it belongs. I'll try to keep you updated.



Well, you should stop playing darts in the mirror silly. Duh!

----------


## Daniel C

> Well, you should stop playing darts in the mirror silly. Duh!



That's what the doctor said as well. He was wearing a red bandana as his muscular assistant was screwing the eye back into its orbit. I wanted to respond but my jaws were tied in cobwebs, so I just satisfied myself watching the assistant's shiny teeth that were hanging over my still functional eye like a constellation. Anyway all of this doesn't rid me of my responsibilities:

----------


## Daniel C

The airplane has proven itself capable of landing amidst the waves of the Mediterranean, and now a rubber boat is transporting me, Mark Zuckerberg, and the French semi-mermaid to a nearby fleet consisting of ships of a fairly unimpressive size; their lack of magnitude however compensated by the fact that there are approximately forty of them. The atmosphere during the flight has been positively unpleasant, despite the extensive attempts of Zuckerberg to cover the silence with hours of monologue, alternately about his intricate scheme for the Atlanteans, his exquisite taste in Asian tea flavours, and his incapacity to like atonal music. I have never liked people who cannot appreciate atonal music.
The rubber boat comes to a halt next to the largest ship of the fleet and one of the armed musclemen subtly directs us along a ladder onto the deck. Here yet another batallion of sunglassed bodyguards with undefinable weaponry awaits us. (How many does Zuckerberg under his command? And does he select them based on their gorillaÃ«sque faces or is this mere coincidence? Maybe they're all clones - nothing can surprise me after learning Mark's interest in world literature.) 
I take a quick look around. Most of the other boats contain people in diving suits, so I can't judge whether they meet up to the apish appearance as well. It doesn't take too extensive reflection to figure out this entire arrangement is probably meant to form the basis for an underwater invasion.
I turn to Zuckerberg, who has followed us onto the deck, in order to ask him what exactly our part in his scheme consists of. However, as my eyes meet his serpentine pupils, pandemonium breaks loose. I hear people screaming around me, I see flashes of green and brown shoot through the air; instinctively I dive onto the deck on my belly. Screams, shouts, and other, more undefinable sounds alternate each other, water whirls in all directions and the deck rocks like a camel's back, with difficulty I manage to direct my head upwards to try and perceive something of what in heaven's name is going on. The brown and greenish flashes continue, it costs me some time to figure out they are actually solid figures moving at full speed, and still some other time to recognise the figures as belonging to the same species of which two individuals provided for our trip to Barcelona, last night, or two nights ago, I can't remember and in any case I have more important things to attend to than figuring out the story's chronology. The fleet is under attack. By our allies. I want to break out in as triumphant cheering but just in time I remember about my SA, and in any case cheering in a lying position doesn't seem like a very fertile idea, so I just close my eyes and wait for the calmth to return.
It takes somewhere between two and twenty minutes.
As I rise up, and the bodyguards around me do the same, my eyes fall on a dramatic scene. All of the smaller boats have capsised, leaving only about fifteen of the larger ones operational, and in the muddy water many of the bodyguards' bodies push through the surface, guarded by strings of cyanide seaweed. A few mermaids have fallen as well, I see there flaccid bodies in the water and on some of the remaining ships; at our own, I recognise one of the two who guided us through the Mediterranean one or two nights ago, I believe her name was Rachel, or Raquel, something like that, it doesn't matter, her eyes stare in the distance like blinded windows, her saffran blood flows out of a hole between her lower scales; the first battle has been won, but at a cost. Something vague inside the back of my head says something about taxidermy but there is no time for such duties since Mark Zuckerberg, who in the meantime has resurrected himself as well, stands shouting orders in a tone that wouldn't have been out of place during the Battle of Thermopylae.
"With how many are we left? Okay, regather, reload, prepair for Phase Orange. You two!" -he turns to me, and than to the French girl, that turns out to have abided the mermaid storm at the other side of the deck- "Come here!"- he takes out his familiar gun, it starts getting a little tedious- "Why didn't you warn me? You must have know of this! You were communicating with that [BEEP] when I found you, you must have know they were planning a surprise attack!"
The alliance with the Atlanteans I felt some minutes ago ebbs away rapidly, and I stumble: "No... I mean... yeah, we were communicating with here, but that was before... we had no idea... we didn't even know there were this many mermaids in Atlantis, didn't we?" I turn to my French companion who confirms that the details about the Atlantean defense force were totally unkown to us.
"You two" -his eyes narrow in a spectacularly low tempo- "are trying my patience. I highly feel like keelhauling you both, right here, right now, and cutting your tongues out afterwards. But I am of a generous nature. You are now going to do exactly as I tell you, exactly when I tell you, or you will regret living up to this day."
I wonder how much more pompous Mark Zuckerberg can get.

----------


## Chantellabella

> The airplane has proven itself capable of landing amidst the waves of the Mediterranean, and now a rubber boat is transporting me, Mark Zuckerberg, and the French semi-mermaid to a nearby fleet consisting of ships of a fairly unimpressive size; their lack of magnitude however compensated by the fact that there are approximately forty of them. The atmosphere during the flight has been positively unpleasant, despite the extensive attempts of Zuckerberg to cover the silence with hours of monologue, alternately about his intricate scheme for the Atlanteans, his exquisite taste in Asian tea flavours, and his incapacity to like atonal music. I have never liked people who cannot appreciate atonal music.
> The rubber boat comes to a halt next to the largest ship of the fleet and one of the armed musclemen subtly directs us along a ladder onto the deck. Here yet another batallion of sunglassed bodyguards with undefinable weaponry awaits us. (How many does Zuckerberg under his command? And does he select them based on their gorillaÃ«sque faces or is this mere coincidence? Maybe they're all clones - nothing can surprise me after learning Mark's interest in world literature.) 
> I take a quick look around. Most of the other boats contain people in diving suits, so I can't judge whether they meet up to the apish appearance as well. It doesn't take too extensive reflection to figure out this entire arrangement is probably meant to form the basis for an underwater invasion.
> I turn to Zuckerberg, who has followed us onto the deck, in order to ask him what exactly our part in his scheme consists of. However, as my eyes meet his serpentine pupils, pandemonium breaks loose. I hear people screaming around me, I see flashes of green and brown shoot through the air; instinctively I dive onto the deck on my belly. Screams, shouts, and other, more undefinable sounds alternate each other, water whirls in all directions and the deck rocks like a camel's back, with difficulty I manage to direct my head upwards to try and perceive something of what in heaven's name is going on. The brown and greenish flashes continue, it costs me some time to figure out they are actually solid figures moving at full speed, and still some other time to recognise the figures as belonging to the same species of which two individuals provided for our trip to Barcelona, last night, or two nights ago, I can't remember and in any case I have more important things to attend to than figuring out the story's chronology. The fleet is under attack. By our allies. I want to break out in as triumphant cheering but just in time I remember about my SA, and in any case cheering in a lying position doesn't seem like a very fertile idea, so I just close my eyes and wait for the calmth to return.
> It takes somewhere between two and twenty minutes.
> As I rise up, and the bodyguards around me do the same, my eyes fall on a dramatic scene. All of the smaller boats have capsised, leaving only about fifteen of the larger ones operational, and in the muddy water many of the bodyguards' bodies push through the surface, guarded by strings of cyanide seaweed. A few mermaids have fallen as well, I see there flaccid bodies in the water and on some of the remaining ships; at our own, I recognise one of the two who guided us through the Mediterranean one or two nights ago, I believe her name was Rachel, or Raquel, something like that, it doesn't matter, her eyes stare in the distance like blinded windows, her saffran blood flows out of a hole between her lower scales; the first battle has been won, but at a cost. Something vague inside the back of my head says something about taxidermy but there is no time for such duties since Mark Zuckerberg, who in the meantime has resurrected himself as well, stands shouting orders in a tone that wouldn't have been out of place during the Battle of Thermopylae.
> "With how many are we left? Okay, regather, reload, prepair for Phase Orange. You two!" -he turns to me, and than to the French girl, that turns out to have abided the mermaid storm at the other side of the deck- "Come here!"- he takes out his familiar gun, it starts getting a little tedious- "Why didn't you warn me? You must have know of this! You were communicating with that [BEEP] when I found you, you must have know they were planning a surprise attack!"
> The alliance with the Atlanteans I felt some minutes ago ebbs away rapidly, and I stumble: "No... I mean... yeah, we were communicating with here, but that was before... we had no idea... we didn't even know there were this many mermaids in Atlantis, didn't we?" I turn to my French companion who confirms that the details about the Atlantean defense force were totally unkown to us.
> "You two" -his eyes narrow in a spectacularly low tempo- "are trying my patience. I highly feel like keelhauling you both, right here, right now, and cutting your tongues out afterwards. But I am of a generous nature. You are now going to do exactly as I tell you, exactly when I tell you, or you will regret living up to this day."
> I wonder how much more pompous Mark Zuckerberg can get.



Wow! Mark has taken a really evil turn. I know he wasn't the nicest character before, but he's full blown tyrant and evil lord now. Do you think it's because he hasn't been getting as many "likes" as he feels he should?

"wait for the calmth to return."

I loveth this! I need to use it when hanging with the teens.

----------


## Chantellabella

Blown up snot bombs make great party favors.

----------


## Sagan

whoop ahhh whoop ahhh ahhh. If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch. You must first invent the universe

----------


## Chantellabella

> whoop ahhh whoop ahhh ahhh. If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch. You must first invent the universe



Because you must have a universe in order to have ovens. 

Unless you like soggy uncooked pie.

----------


## Sagan

Soggy, uncooked beef potatoes with cabbage and caribou. yep a classic baked potatah.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Soggy, uncooked beef potatoes with cabbage and caribou. yep a classic baked potatah.



I prefer chicken potatoes covered in Hollandaise and ketchup sauce.

----------


## Sagan

That's not crazy talk. Like, what the hell!? crazy is as crazy does. I are for the crazy. A family that had lost it's drive and passion. But you showed me tonight that everyone of you have the capabilities to turn this around

----------


## Chantellabella

> That's not crazy talk. Like, what the hell!? crazy is as crazy does. I are for the crazy. A family that had lost it's drive and passion. But you showed me tonight that everyone of you have the capabilities to turn this around



Yes! 

Um. Maybe.

Yes! 

I think so. 

Not sure.

Ok. 

Hm. 

I need a GPS

----------


## Sagan

Coral stole. Synth my Mac. Ok Jack?. Yeah, that's what I thought!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Coral stole. Synth my Mac. Ok Jack?. Yeah, that's what I thought!!!!



But your thinking is skewed, Mr. S. Coral was bought. Not stolen. It was 2 for a dollar at the flea market.

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of flea markets. I went to Trader's Village yesterday..........the biggest flea market around here. It's 160 acres with thousands of dealers. 

Couldn't find one flea to purchase. Not even the dogs had fleas. 

Oh wait. I did see one parakeet scratch his back. 

Damn!!! I should have bought it right there!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok, Daniel C. I actually work with someone who's sister works at Facebook. I so have to send her excerpts of the Atlantis story if you give permission. She was dying laughing when I told her Mark Zuckerberg was the bad guy. Let me know if it's ok to send her excerpts. I won't give out your information and can change your name to "protect the innocent." She wants to send it to her sister. She thinks your story is hilarious. I was telling her some of the things Mark has done in the story. 

I'm waiting to hear the next chapter.

----------


## Chantellabella

Pigeons get Spanish chicken wing implants when they want to impress the doves.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, pickles will now be served in little squares

----------


## sanspants

Don't be a square. Froot Loops are all happy circles!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Don't be a square. Froot Loops are all happy circles!



Yes, Froot Loops seem happy. But do we really know for sure? I mean when we try to mingle them with milk, they just get all soggy and lifeless.

----------


## sanspants

> Yes, Froot Loops seem happy. But do we really know for sure? I mean when we try to mingle them with milk, they just get all soggy and lifeless.



Froot Loops only mingle with one another, kinda like Smurfs. Have you ever noticed how Smurfs really don't play well with the other creatures? Also, it was pretty great that Gargamel had a cat named after the Angel of Death  ::  Speaking of randomness, check this out from evilspectacular.com:

----------


## Chantellabella

Where is that? What an amazing out of the box idea! Is that photoshopped or is it really the size of the room? It even looks like blood on the floor at the wall. See that's what I call "art." It took a really bizarre thinker to come up with that. I love it!

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind (and this forum), I need to now let my crazy talk skills be used to their full potential...................


Urban broccoli is way more suspicious than the suburban kind.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just when you think it's safe to tell the mailman about your mail fetish.........he screws up your address.

----------


## Chantellabella

Reality nursery rhyme time:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. 

Jack met Sue
Jill killed Jack

Jack came tumbling downhill.

----------


## Chantellabella

Special skills are needed for kung fu wokking.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not ashamed of my front porch.

----------


## Chantellabella

Chickens are so unassuming.

----------


## Chantellabella

The Justice League just stole my bike.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not over until the really bad song comes on with the credits.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jump.................




Ok. You missed it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Fanning flames flew flimsily faster, Fester.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticking a grape up your nose may be hazardous to your health.

----------


## Chantellabella

Starring.................


*Drum roll, please!*



Ok. I forgot.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach is a lovely food.

----------


## Chantellabella

I feel fluffy.

----------


## Chantellabella

Storming the beaches of Miami, Edgar felt redeemed.

----------


## Chantellabella

Bouyah, Sagan!! I hit a new realm!

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't go over it.

Can't go under it.


Gotta blow it up!

----------


## Chantellabella

I thought I knew the latest thing.




I was wrong.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not over until the spinach souffle is orange.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind......................

----------


## Chantellabella

Can you freeze a bubble and pop it next year?

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm sticking straws in my ears, see? 

Then this dude comes along and uses one for his milkshake.

----------


## Chantellabella

I won't regret it until I can spell it

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the baby bear said, "Why can't I have an iPad?"

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not in the habit of sharing my chewed gum with others, but I guess I could make an exception just this once.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why aren't you purplier?

----------


## Otherside

For a momment there, I thought you'd stuck straws in your ears and some dude had come along and was sucking your brains out through your ears.  :: 

How did you get above 1600 so quickly?  ::

----------


## Chantellabella

> For a momment there, I thought you'd stuck straws in your ears and some dude had come along and was sucking your brains out through your ears. 
> 
> How did you get above 1600 so quickly?



There is much power in the force.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinning in a circle with your arms outstretched can be a bad thing on the bus.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not so much the killer wasps that get you. It's the little old ladies with knitting needles.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticking up for a kumquat can be a noble thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the corner, looking out the window, wondering why a window is on the corner.

----------


## Chantellabella

Staying power is so ...........well, staying.

----------


## Chantellabella

Picture a dust bunny.

----------


## Chantellabella

Special alert!!!!


News at 11:00

----------


## Chantellabella

Large man-eating gophers held a riot.

Censored myself..............or rather somebody with poor taste............

----------


## Chantellabella

Here! Hold my place..............

----------


## Chantellabella

This just in!


Stapling your tongue to a cat is not a good idea.



News at 11:00

----------


## Chantellabella

Stormtroopers ate my azaleas. 

Damn Stormtroopers! I was saving them for the sauce.

----------


## Chantellabella

Step 1:  Pick a dandelion
Step 2: Blow all the little fuzzy things off
Step 3: Call 911 because your neighbor had an asthma episode

----------


## Chantellabella

I heard two pigeons talking the other day. One was very upset about the rising cost of bridge ledge rent.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop!!!!!!






Ok. You can go again!

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of Egyptian footwear................

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't believe what happened to the phone. 

It kept ringing and ringing. 


I wasn't sure what it wanted.

Then it died.


I feel responsible

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh no!!!! I can't let you go there.

It has buttons!

----------


## Chantellabella

Stampeding rabbits crushed a car.



Really. I'm not lying.

----------


## Chantellabella

One more for the road..............



My insurance went up. 


That's just crazy talk!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

So I'm back and ready to resume the quest to get to my 6th star before Sagan. 

He's at 1859 and counting. I think I'll need reinforcements.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sponge bathing octopus(es?)(i) is against the law in Missouri.

----------


## Chantellabella

Will global warming effect my ability to eat an ice cream cone before it melts on my shoes?

----------


## Chantellabella

I read the news today. It said life as we know it stopped 30 years ago. I'm confused. Are we in heaven? If we are, why is my electricity bill so high? Seems like there'd be a blinding light somewhere.

----------


## Chantellabella

If you duct taped, then glued, then stapled, then paper-clipped two pieces of paper together, would that make a bunch of little post it note babies?

----------


## Chantellabella

What if blue was red, red was green, and green was purple? 

Just a thought.

----------


## Chantellabella

Watch!!!!!


There it is again!!!!!


Did you see it??



Air.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticks and stones may break my bones but hitting me over the head with a large sausage will just piss me off.

----------


## Chantellabella

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses
and All the king's men
Just laughed.

----------


## Chantellabella

I truly believe that we all need maps. (inspired by a great speech during a pageant)

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't take it anymore!!!

The grass is green!
The bushes are green!
The trees are green!!

What's this world coming to??

----------


## Chantellabella

I think we should spell soap backwards.

----------


## Chantellabella

Blink.


Blink.








Blink.

----------


## Chantellabella

Pin cushions are quite entertaining. 


I mean when you get to know them, of course.

----------


## Chantellabella

Statistically speaking, statistics aren't all that exciting.

----------


## Chantellabella

What if all the juices in our digestive system turned into cranberry juice?

----------


## Chantellabella

Can you technically catch a cold if somebody grounds it rather than tosses it?

----------


## Chantellabella

Stick some peanut butter on a straw.

Place it on a lawn chair.

Then watch.



Rinse and repeat.

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of bleach..............


What happens to all the colors that go away?

----------


## Chantellabella

Cashmere toilet tissue.


For the sophisticated tush.

----------


## Chantellabella

I like roads.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, clocks will only run on the 2nd, 5th, and 11th hour.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach jello!



Yum!

----------


## Chantellabella

I see it Captain!! Up ahead!! 


Klingon Kleenex!

----------


## Chantellabella

Is it used Klingon Kleenex, Spock?

----------


## Chantellabella

It seems Captain, that there are dangly purple things hanging off of it. Let me scan it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Bones! What do you make out of it?

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm a doctor, Jim! Not a nose rag inspector!

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain! I'm picking up a signal. It sounds like drip, drip, drip.

----------


## Chantellabella

Red alert!!! The Kleenex is armed!! Shields up!

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain! Incoming green boogers!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Evasive maneuvers, Mr Sulu!

----------


## Chantellabella

We've been hit, Captain!! *everyone leans to the right.............everyone leans to the left*

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock! What's that on the windshield?

----------


## Chantellabella

It appears to be Klingon snot, Captain.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ewww!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Scott, go out there with a rag and clean it off, will ya!

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't Captain! I don't have enough power!

----------


## Chantellabella

Somebody! Get a hose! I can't see a thing through the windshield.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain! I'm picking up a distress signal!

----------


## Chantellabella

Put it on com, Uhura!

----------


## Chantellabella

Mayday! Mayday! This is Captain Jean Luc Picard. We have been hit by a giant Klingon booger and don't have enough power to break free!

----------


## Chantellabella

On screen, Mr Chekov!

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain Picard. This is Captain Kirk. We've been hit by a Klingon snot stream and presently can't see through out windshield. If you give us your coordinates, we can try to find you by following our little blinking lights on Spock's control panel. We will not, I repeat not, be able to get the booger off however. We have our own disgusting problems. The most we can do is beam your crew on board our Enterprise and *blindly* go where no one has gone before.

----------


## Chantellabella

That sounds risky, Captain Kirk. I'm not sure I want to risk my crew. I think we'll just wait for the next Enterprise to cruise by. Thanks anyway.

----------


## Chantellabella

Wimp!! 


Oh, uh, I mean ok. Captain out.

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Sulu, set your coordinates for that far off fuzzy blue light.

----------


## Chantellabella

Which fuzzy blue light, Captain? The one next to that giant green globby stream of snot or the one next to that yellowish squarish pool of snot?

----------


## Chantellabella

The second one.

----------


## Chantellabella

Okey dokey. 




*CRASH*

----------


## Chantellabella

What'd we hit, Spock?!

----------


## Chantellabella

It seems we rammed into Captain Jean Luc Picard's Enterprise.

----------


## Chantellabella

Damn it, Mr. Sulu! I told you to not eat Fried Chicken while you're driving! Now look what you did! I'm going to have to fill out an accident report now!

----------


## Chantellabella

*mmbleingls sorryslmlsljgoing captaidnmunch*

----------


## Chantellabella

Don't talk with food in your mouth!

----------


## Chantellabella

We're being hailed, Captain.

----------


## Chantellabella

On screen, Uhura!

----------


## Chantellabella

You dimwit! You wrecked my spaceship!!

----------


## Chantellabella

I did not.

----------


## Chantellabella

You did too.

----------


## Chantellabella

Did not.

----------


## Chantellabella

What do you mean, you didn't. There's no other spaceship for light years and you're right here, lodged in my grillwork.

----------


## Chantellabella

That was .......uh,... that other guy. I saw him. He hit and ran. I couldn't quite get his license, but he was it looked like a Romulan vessel. D-cup class.

----------


## Chantellabella

There's no Romulan ship for light years and you're right here. I saw you and my whole crew saw you. Isn't that right #1?

----------


## Chantellabella

Number 1?  


Where's #1? He was right here.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think he went to the bathroom. He had to well, you know..............his name.

----------


## Chantellabella

How can he think of going to the bathroom at a time like this? I need witnesses! I will sue!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir, I don't think we can sue Starfleet. We *are* Starfleet also.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh what would you know Jordie? You wearing an air filter on your head. How can you see through that thing anyway?

----------


## Chantellabella

I have little blinky lights that tell me things.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh.


Anyway, I will see that you lose your license Captain Kirk. So hear me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh give it a rest, Captain Picard. Everyone knows that I'm the cooler Captain. I wear a toupee and girdle. All you have is your winning smile. You........don't even..............pause..........when.............  .you speak.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain, I'm picking up a Klingon warbird decloaking on our starboard bow!

----------


## Chantellabella

We're being hailed Captain.

----------


## Chantellabella

On screen.

----------


## Chantellabella

Greetings, Earthlings! I believe we have conquered both of your starships. You will surrender or be crushed under the biggest hocked luggy you've ever encountered. You have only seen our boogers and snot. Our luggies are known all over the galaxy for their ability to squash you like the tiny bugs that you are.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is your name, Klingon?

----------


## Chantellabella

Koctclotch!

----------


## Chantellabella

Incoming!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

No earthling. That wasn't the luggy. That was my name.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh, sorry. Cancel cringing.

----------


## Chantellabella

What do you want from us, Clotcckllkkloottcchhhhhh..................cclloeeo  ottccchh...................oh forget it! What do you want from us Klingon?

----------


## Chantellabella

I merely want a tissue. Do you have any to spare? See I have this awful allergy.

----------


## Chantellabella

Uh. 


Um. Sure. 



Anything else?

----------


## Chantellabella

No.

----------


## Chantellabella

We seem to be out of Kleenex. Will toilet tissue do?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok.


Scotty, beam 3,679 rolls of toilet paper to the Klingon ship and lets get out of here!

----------


## Chantellabella

Right, Captain. But we still can't see out of the windshield and the other Enterprise is locked in our grill work.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just go East. We can drag them along with us.

----------


## Chantellabella

Okey dokey.

----------


## Chantellabella

Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise..................and the other Enterprise locked in our grillwork. Our five year mission. To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no snot and boogers can get us.

----------


## Chantellabella

I set the juicer on stun.

----------


## Chantellabella

Picture an eggplant.

----------


## Chantellabella

I was listening to the news the other day. They talked about a goldfish who could jump through a very small hoop. 


Or was that a hallucination? 


Hm.

----------


## Chantellabella

I am about to take this planet to a whole new level. 


Tomorrow.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't you see I'm trying to fill this jug with buffalo spit? 

I mean really!

----------


## Chantellabella

Seven times six equals a whole lot.

----------


## Chantellabella

chugga chugga chugga chugga woo woo

----------


## Chantellabella

Spiffy spaceships spit spitballs spontaneously

----------


## Chantellabella

Can you see it?


There!


Look closer!!!



See it??



Oh nevermind. It was just a bug.

----------


## Chantellabella

Vacuum cleaners suck.

----------


## Chantellabella

Finger cramp. Must not let them die!

----------


## Chantellabella

Hey! I just noticed there's no 50 post limit here. 

Sweet!

----------


## Chantellabella

Only a little over a hundred to go to catch up with Sagan.

----------


## Chantellabella

I bought some shoes the other day. They were not pleased.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cat spelled backwards is tac..............you know, sharp and pointy...............just a tad misspelled.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spewwwllllllllllllloooooga!

Ah! That feels better.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. First there was this muffin. He took off running. I think he was a fugitive, but the apple fritter didn't think so.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why or why can't dogs fly?

----------


## Chantellabella

8 x 6 plus the semi circle of a square = a giant thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

2 + 2 = 5


No, really.

----------


## Chantellabella

This just in....................


Live crabs eat Brooklyn. 


News at 11:00

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't understand why the brick sank. I mean, it said on the package it would float.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kiwi's hate Martians.


It's really quite sad.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh well. You can't have all forms of mustard. It's just not possible with this economy.

----------


## Chantellabella

The scientific method for researching kumquats is to test for creaminess.

----------


## Chantellabella

Did you know that uplifting music can give you warts? 


I sure didn't.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. First there was this microbe. Then it ate a pigeon. Then when it all cooled, boom! there was man.

----------


## Chantellabella

Look up!!!


No! Really!


Look up!!!!


Do you see it???





Your ceiling.

----------


## Chantellabella

We can't see the universe because it doesn't want to be seen.

----------


## Chantellabella

I stare, therefore I am.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not sure if my shoelaces know they're tied. I forgot to send them an email about this new development.

----------


## Chantellabella

Low and behold. 

Ok. What *does* that mean?

----------


## Chantellabella

Constant sponge cooking may cause chaffing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sixteen bottles of beer on the wall.............

Sixteen bottles of beer.............

You take one down and pass it around........

Fifteen bottles of beer on the wall.


question. why are there beer bottles on the wall? I mean is it some form of wallpaper or something?

----------


## Chantellabella

Pickles need extra blankets when standing next to the milk.

Just saying.

----------


## Chantellabella

Speak up!!!!


I can't understand a word you're saying!!!



Get out of the manhole!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Stand right there!


Don't move!!!!


Oh wait, scoot just a little to the left.

----------


## Chantellabella

I feel that kiwis are underrated.

----------


## Chantellabella

The Lone Ranger!!!!

question. he was called the lone ranger but tonto was always with him. 


I'll be Tonto felt pretty invisible in *that* friendship.

----------


## Chantellabella

Supercalifragalisticespialadocious. 


Am I close?

----------


## Chantellabella

What is a feather duster?


Correct! For 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

Picture a man sitting in a car eating a grapefruit.


You've entered The Twilight Zone!!

----------


## Chantellabella

theres a rare species known to man. 

i cant tell you what it is


then it wouldnt be rare.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is an eyeball floating cheese whiz dispenser?

Correct! For 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't get out!!!!!


Are you stuck?


No.

Then why can't you get out?


What?


You said, you can't get out?


No, I didn't.


Yes, you did.

----------


## Chantellabella

suspicious skunks smell suspiciously.

----------


## Chantellabella

Bouyah! At 1800 and counting!

----------


## Chantellabella

Oops! My bad. I can't count.

----------


## Chantellabella

Flowering dust bunnies can really smell up your house.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop! In the name of Love!

Before you break my dishes? Picture frames? Cd player?

----------


## Chantellabella

In the beginning there was fire. 

It burned brightly.

Then came the firemen. 


They were cute.

----------


## Chantellabella

I was stuck in an elevator once. 

It was not an uplifting experience.

----------


## Chantellabella

Froot Loops are the pox of humanity.

Especially the orange ones.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't see my feet!!!!!


Oh wait. 



there they are.


false alarm.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then little red riding hood ate the wolf. 

no. thats not how it goes.

no?

then how does it go?

little red riding hood told some guy to kill the wolf

then he ate it


no he just killed it

then he made it into a nice fur coat?


no. he just killed it

seems like a waste of time

but it was going to eat little red riding hood

are you sure?

yeah thats how the story goes

i think we need a rewrite

----------


## Chantellabella

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Little Red Riding Hood. She was pretty dense, walking out in the forest alone. Didn't she ever see a horror movie?? That's the first person who gets killed!!!


Anyway, she walks alone in the forest with a basket of "goodies." 

ok. thats just asking for it isnt it?


Anyway, she walks alone in the forest when all of a sudden aliens land in the field next to her. 

aliens?

sh!

Ok. your story.

the aliens were pretty nice and all and even asked politely if they could have some of the goodies.

Whoa! what exactly was these goodies?


Apples. Let's just say apples.

ok. so little red riding hood shares her apples with the aliens. but their allergic to apples and die. so the world is saved!

The End.

----------


## Chantellabella

Special species speak spiffy-like.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't see a thing in these jelly jars.

did you try taking the jelly out?

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, sponges will be taxed.

----------


## Chantellabella

kinda sorta maybe


oh yeah.

----------


## Chantellabella

ta ra ra boom de a.......

Stop!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Fish stare at me for no reason. I find it very unsettling.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just when you thought you were done, boom! In comes the garbage truck.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is numerical jazz jello? 

Correct! for 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

i wasnt sure of the number so i dialed 20 random digits and hoped for the best. 

i got the white house.

----------


## Chantellabella

I don't think the socks can really mate. I know I wasn't paying attention in Biology, but I just have a gut feeling about it.

----------


## Chantellabella

first the crawfish....................


then *the world!!!!!*

----------


## Chantellabella

60 more to go and I finally beat Sagan in star acquisition modules.

----------


## Chantellabella

if i were a nun i would be named holey moley guacamoley.

----------


## Chantellabella

That's not funny!

sorry, chantelle. 


*evil grin*

----------


## Chantellabella

lime green spandex is a scary thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't see! 

I can't pee!

I can't R, S, or T either.

----------


## Chantellabella

in the dark...............

a light switch waits to be turned on.

----------


## Chantellabella

cant you see im thinking here???

----------


## Chantellabella

Bowling balls have feelings too. Stop throwing them away.

----------


## Chantellabella

I once was an antelope.


no.

really.

----------


## Chantellabella

A stitch in time saves nine.


What?

----------


## Chantellabella

I think therefore I am an amoeba.

----------


## Chantellabella

Once upon a time there was 3 bears. They had some girl intrude in their house, so they ate her.

The end.

----------


## Chantellabella

Frying pans are the pox of humanity

but only one wednesdays

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of politically correct milk, I think I ate a bug just now.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is the square root of a pigeon?

----------


## Chantellabella

Put your right hand in
Put your right hand out
Put your right hand in
Then you shake it all about

Do the hokey pokey
and you turn yourself around

That's what it's all about.


*blink* 


*blink*


Really?

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing in a field of corn, overlooking the highway, I often wonder why the corn field is above the highway.

----------


## Chantellabella

then the wolf said, 

I'll huff 

and I'll puff

and I'll blow your house in


Seems to have some issues, huh?

----------


## Chantellabella

starlight
star bright
first star i see tonight

i wish i may
i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight


i wish aliens gave out lazer guns in their cracker jack boxes

----------


## Chantellabella

getting to know you

getting to know all about you

getting to la la

lal la la la la la


oh forget it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on one foot while knitting can cause rug burn.

----------


## Chantellabella

who decided that spaghetti is a food? i mean they look like worms.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is a ten foot pole inside an 8 foot laundrymat?

correct! for 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

I think the cost of toothpaste should depend on how many teeth you have.

----------


## Chantellabella

Look over there!!!!


It's a bird!!


It's a plane!!!


it's its............well, ...................hm


my bad. it was just a hallucination. 


carry on.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't you see I'm trying to conjugate my verbs here???

I mean, really.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Can't you see I'm trying to conjugate my verbs here???
> 
> I mean, really.



sounds painful

----------


## Chantellabella

Picture an ant. 


You've entered The Twilight Zone!

----------


## Chantellabella

Step left


shuffle


Step right


bow


step left


twirl


now leap


(How to avoid cow patties)

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the band played "Hello Dolly" while the pigeons flew away.

----------


## Chantellabella

The kiwis!!


Oh the humanity!!!! 


Oh wait. 


That's just a grapefruit with a straw sticking out of it.

----------


## Chantellabella

It wasn't until the flea dip ate my cat that I got a tad concerned.

----------


## Chantellabella

it's not butter ...........its old moldy milk or cream or some other horrible substance

----------


## Chantellabella

standing on one foot in the middle of the highway may be hazardous to your health

----------


## Chantellabella

Then I said to the taxi driver..........why are you charging me for just parking? 

He said, ..................


well actually i dont know what he said because I fell out of the car as though i was dead and when he came around the car to see what had happened i told him id call if i heard anything. 

He said, "ok."

----------


## Chantellabella

what's this world coming to???


i mean.............creamy corn flakes?

----------


## Chantellabella

duh dum


duh dum


duh dum duh dum duh dum


dont go in the water

----------


## Chantellabella

I bought this car cleaner the other day.

I set in in my driveway and went inside.

I was gravely disappointed because when I came out, the car was still dirty.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not polite to spew water at people as they pass in the park.

I found that out the hard way.

----------


## Chantellabella

This just in!!


Lobsters are not just big [BEEP] crawfish!


News at 11:00

----------


## Chantellabella

Whoa!!! said the cyclops

----------


## Chantellabella

Godzilla!!!!!! Run!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

question.

why does tokyo insist on rebuilding after godzilla flattens it every year? 

seems like they would just hand him the deed to the city and move to the suburbs.

----------


## Chantellabella

ok. so theres godzilla. rodan. some other big slow scaly things. 

and they supposedly live on monster island.

my question.


how did they round them up in the first place? 

and was it called monster island because they lived there or did they name it that after discovering giant man eating power plant eating reptile like monsters on it?

----------


## Chantellabella

and is there a mama godzilla somewhere? 

why do you ask?

where did that baby godzilla come from?

----------


## Chantellabella

The staying power of nuclear galactic pantyhose is remarkable.

----------


## Chantellabella

Tenacious tadpoles tango tomorrow.

News at 11:00

----------


## Chantellabella

12 more to tie the Science guy!

----------


## Chantellabella

The colonel called.

He wants his chicken back.

----------


## Chantellabella

can i have some service here!!!!!


oh wait. im standing in my bathroom.

----------


## Chantellabella

Whoa!!


Was that what I thought it was?

----------


## Chantellabella

horses are large dogs in disguise

----------


## Chantellabella

kitchen utensils scare me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Filled with envy, the blender shorted out the microwave. 

It was tragic.

----------


## Chantellabella

Lovely envelopes ate my cream sauce while I wasn't looking.

----------


## Chantellabella

No!!! I can't believe it!!!!!

I'm not a muffin???!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Picture a buffalo. Stately. Reposed. 

ok. instead just picture a bowl of fruit. whatever.

----------


## Chantellabella

anklelosoriosthrombosisaphobia

the fear of a large cat biting your ankle while you wander in the dark looking for the bathroom

----------


## Chantellabella

and now..........................


the post that ties me to the man.......................


who has the most posts on the forum........................................


Sagan!!! The Science Guy!!!!!..........................................  ...................

well technically it doesn't tie me. Like you know with ropes or duct tape or staples.


oh, you know what I mean.

----------


## Chantellabella

The moment of truth!!!!!!!!

The most posts on the Anxiety Space forum is happening ...............


Now!!!!

----------


## Sagan

A tetryon intermix chanber is required to complete my inter dimensional membrane piercing

----------


## Otherside

So if I had six kangaroos, five giraffes, a lemur, a sheep, a tortoise and made a run New York on the Royal Barge...how many catepillars would be left in the biscuit tin? The answer...twelve red ones, six blues, and a yellow one that it just being awkward. I suppose the sheep will just have to eat a platypus instead.

----------


## Sagan

Stick your ramdac where it belongs. Please don't bother with you're innocuous underpinnings!!!! Or be warned! I shall strike!!!!

----------


## Sagan

A mutiny... I suppose that's better than a conspiracy

----------


## Chantellabella

> A mutiny... I suppose that's better than a conspiracy



But.............but...............but.............  .....

Now I'll have to crazy talk even more to catch up with you! 

Did your intergalactic membrane piercing hurt much? Seems like it would.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> So if I had six kangaroos, five giraffes, a lemur, a sheep, a tortoise and made a run New York on the Royal Barge...how many catepillars would be left in the biscuit tin?



Correct! For 200 points.

----------


## Chantellabella

A stitch in time must mean it tore at some point

----------


## Chantellabella

Spiffy Soap Sanitizer.............. The clean stuff

*note - this is not spam. I repeat - this is not spam*

----------


## Chantellabella

So I put the strudel in the oven.....................

What????


how cruel

----------


## Chantellabella

Lavender pillow cozies make great pets.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not about the sea foam.

It's never really about the foam at all.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop!!! 

In the name of Brad!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

The chicken crossed the road because he makes bad decisions.

----------


## Chantellabella

The ground hog stood high atop the mountain wondering..........


wondering...............


where he made that wrong turn in the tunnel

----------


## Chantellabella

Announcement:

The color yellow will now be called green.

Thank you.

----------


## Chantellabella

question.

jello pudding pops?

which one is it?

jello or pudding?

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh the humanity!!! I lost my paperclip!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sagan, I have more posts
Than you


Bouyah!! Do the Cabbage Patch dance!

----------


## Brasilia

carrots

----------


## Brasilia

need more carrots

----------


## Otherside

> question.
> 
> jello pudding pops?
> 
> which one is it?
> 
> jello or pudding?



_Jelly_. It's called_Jelly._ And that stuff you call _Jella_ is called _Jam_​.

----------


## Chantellabella

> need more carrots




But they're so orange. Wouldn't you fancy some brussel spouts instead?

----------


## Chantellabella

> _Jelly_. It's called_Jelly._ And that stuff you call _Jella_ is called _Jam_​.



That leads me to wonder about something very serious.

Jam
Jelly
Preserves

What's the difference? 
Consistency?
Real fruit versus semi solid particles of things that end in "ine"? 
Clumps? 

Is it like the difference between cheese and processed cheese food? 

And seriously, if they have to call it "processed cheese *food*" does that mean they want to verify that it is edible? 

And crab substitute isn't really crab at all. It's cat food with white color dye. 

I'm beginning to think Soylent Green isn't a thing of the future anymore.

----------


## L

Is ait an mac an saol.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Is ait an mac an saol.



Life Is mar aisteach mar ba mhaith linn Ã© a dhÃ©anamh.

----------


## Chantellabella

Guys!!!! I've found my future!!!! It's bleak.

----------


## Chantellabella

Nope. I was wrong. I still have it!

----------


## L

> Life Is mar aisteach mar ba mhaith linn Ã© a dhÃ©anamh.



Mar sin ligeann dul ar mire

----------


## Chantellabella

> Mar sin ligeann dul ar mire



I mo thuairimse, tÃ¡ mÃ© ar mire cheana fÃ©in. Ach anseo amhrÃ¡n Ã³il chun cabhrÃº leat chomh maith ..........

----------


## Sagan

I must go. I am receiving telemetry from a small star system with a white dwarf star in M83. I will return soon

----------


## Chantellabella

> I must go. I am receiving telemetry from a small star system with a white dwarf star in M83. I will return soon



Will you bring us a souvenir?

----------


## Sagan

I will. And I will find something special just for you!  ::):  Well my ship is about to depart. Hold up the fort while I'm gone!

----------


## Brasilia

> But they're so orange. Wouldn't you fancy some brussel spouts instead?



Brussels sprouts on a Sunday? How very middle-class!

----------


## L

> I mo thuairimse, tÃ¡ mÃ© ar mire cheana fÃ©in. Ach anseo amhrÃ¡n Ã³il chun cabhrÃº leat chomh maith ..........



TÃ¡im ag baint suilt as roinnt Malibu agus cÃ³c, raibh maith agat as an t-amhrÃ¡n, rinne sÃ© dom deoch nÃ*os tapÃºla

----------


## Chantellabella

> TÃ¡im ag baint suilt as roinnt Malibu agus cÃ³c, raibh maith agat as an t-amhrÃ¡n, rinne sÃ© dom deoch nÃ*os tapÃºla



Great! TÃ¡ mÃ© ag casadh tÃº isteach i meisce go tapa!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Brussels sprouts on a Sunday? How very middle-class!



I also mow my grass and trim my bushes. I scream!!!!!! middle class.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> I will. And I will find something special just for you!  Well my ship is about to depart. Hold up the fort while I'm gone!



Did you bring me back something galactic?

----------


## Sagan

No our breaking thrusters have fired and we are preparing to enter the atmosphere of Epsilon 4. Sub-space communications seem to be functioning fine though.

----------


## Chantellabella

> No our breaking thrusters have fired and we are preparing to enter the atmosphere of Epsilon 4. Sub-space communications seem to be functioning fine though.



I'll take anything but a red uniform shirt. I hear those can be quite deadly.

----------


## L

> Great! TÃ¡ mÃ© ag casadh tÃº isteach i meisce go tapa!



TÃ¡ mÃ© Gaeilge - tÃ¡ sÃ© i mo chuid fola a bheith ar meisce

----------


## Chantellabella

> TÃ¡ mÃ© Gaeilge - tÃ¡ sÃ© i mo chuid fola a bheith ar meisce



TÃ¡ mÃ© roinnt Gaeilge i dom freisin. SpÃ¡innis, GearmÃ¡inis, Gaeilge agus Fraincis. Is Ã© mo chuid gruaige dearg, tÃ¡ mo shÃºile liath / glas / gorm agus bhÃ* mÃ© a ton de freckles mar kid.  ::):  NÃ*l mÃ© ach Gaeilge, ach a thagann mÃ© Ã³ New Orleans Ã¡it a bhfuil muid ag tiomÃ¡int trÃ* daiquari lÃ¡mhaigh ar gach cÃºinne.

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



That's because you're not Irish.  Even though I'm not 100% Irish, I have it in my blood. That and Google translate.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of the attack of killer tomatoes..........

Does zucchini ever feel the need to uprise?

----------


## Chantellabella

And if I were a squash, I would be offended that a movie wasn't made in my honor.

----------


## Otherside

^Squash-Lionel Baillu, almost won an Oscar in 2004.

----------


## Chantellabella

> ^Squash-Lionel Baillu, almost won an Oscar in 2004.



I stand corrected.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

My cat licks the window. Tongue prints are so hard to get off.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oozing pockets of creamy spongecake makes great wallpaper Spackle.

----------


## Chantellabella

If I have 7 brains and you take away 2, does that leave me with 5 brains or should I just consider that a lobotomy?

----------


## Chantellabella

Might as well get to 2,000 posts. I've been cruising the internet all night and I'm not sure who or what I'm even looking for. Well, I do know I was looking for a person who I used to talk to on a forum. I never did figure out what it was she wanted. She said God led her to me and then she seemed to always want to email me. No, I'm not talking about that crazed stalker. It was a lady who wanted to know me. It's just that all of a sudden I was curious about people I've known in my past. Like I had a connection with them and I often wonder if they even think to remember me. Like what happens to people who crossed your path? Is it meant to be brief and you never connect again? Just curious.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sometimes I wonder if my brain will explode. 

Just wonder about it. 

I guess if I put it in a microwave or something.

----------


## Chantellabella

A young disabled man I knew died day before yesterday. He died in his sleep. It reminded me that my disabled granddaughter will probably not live far into adulthood either.

Rest in Peace Travis. All you ever wanted to do was be helpful. I hope life was kind to you. We all miss you.

----------


## Chantellabella

Maybe I need to just think about flaming hot Cheetos.

----------


## Chantellabella

How does one figure out stuff?

----------


## Chantellabella

I wonder what shoes taste like.

----------


## Chantellabella

Dearly beloved.............we are gathered here to celebrate the union of two pigeons.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you drink beer?

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But dynamite goes faster

----------


## Chantellabella

winter sneaux storm
summer hayle storm
autumn wynd storm
spring rayne storm


This is why God knew not to let me marry someone who's last name was "storm"

----------


## Chantellabella

Who named buttons?

Was it because it helped people keep pants on their butt?

----------


## Chantellabella

It's never a good sign when your mailman hits your mailbox. 

Then he left it lying in the street. 


No, this really happened.

----------


## Chantellabella

I don't feel crazy. 

I must be sick.

----------


## Chantellabella

I always wished that I could travel through space. I would visit other words and other people. It would be awesome. This earth is just way too small for me. It's sort of like a closet.

----------


## Chantellabella

One day I'm going to get in a plane and I'm going to follow the time zone, thus creating the ability to be in the same time for a whole day

----------


## Chantellabella

My favorite color is yellow.
Not mustard yellow.
Or that really gross dirty yellow.
Not the very bright yellow either.


Just yellow.

----------


## Chantellabella

I have now officially become the worst addict here.

----------


## Chantellabella

Hey! Where's my star??

----------


## Chantellabella

Joker!!!! it doesn't work!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Argh!! Are you kidding me?? I have to write 498 more posts to get that 6th star? 

I am fail.

----------


## peace

Black and blue will never be true
Blue and green can never be seen
Whilst orange and brown can never be found

----------


## Chantellabella

> Black and blue will never be true
> Blue and green can never be seen
> Whilst orange and brown can never be found



What about black or white? Do they fight?

And purple and pink are nifty............... I think.

----------


## Sagan

anteater theater

----------


## Chantellabella

> anteater theater



Anteater theater?

You got it!

----------


## peace

Citronella funny fella
Bugs Bunny on the dunny
Little mouse in the house
Big belly loves the telly 
Deep lake has no cake
long valley and no Sally
Creaking door on the shore
Old lace forget the mace

----------


## peace

> What about black or white? Do they fight?
> 
> And purple and pink are nifty............... I think.



No black and white gives sight.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Citronella funny fella
> Bugs Bunny on the dunny
> Little mouse in the house
> Big belly loves the telly 
> Deep lake has no cake
> long valley and no Sally
> Creaking door on the shore
> Old lace forget the mace



Cake for deep lake



And if old lace forgets the mace he or she might be mugged.

----------


## Chantellabella

> No black and white gives sight.



Oh yeah. 

I have to read my memos more often.

----------


## peace

> Cake for deep lake
> 
> 
> 
> And if old lace forgets the mace he or she might be mugged.



Deep lake just wanted to thank you for such a beautiful cake .

The only problem is now that the desert wants its just dessert!

----------


## Otherside

I am sane. No really, I am sane. I am same. Name. Nome. Dome. Rome. Earlobe. I am earlobe???? 

Eer-are-low-buh? 

Whatever, I'm gonna eat the cake on this thread. Or is it a giraffe?

----------


## Sagan

> Anteater theater?
> 
> You got it!



Holy mackerel on a hot dog bun.

----------


## peace

If I were a caterpillar I would munch leaves all day
If I were a cow I would munch hay all day
And if I were an American I would have a jelly on toast instead of jam.  :Tongue:

----------


## Sagan

Yeah. That's what I thought. Until I saw master green  bean pronounce his distrust of jelly!

----------


## Chantellabella

> I am sane. No really, I am sane. I am same. Name. Nome. Dome. Rome. Earlobe. I am earlobe???? 
> 
> Eer-are-low-buh? 
> 
> Whatever, I'm gonna eat the cake on this thread. Or is it a giraffe?



I think it's a giraffe.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Deep lake just wanted to thank you for such a beautiful cake .
> 
> The only problem is now that the desert wants its just dessert!



It can't have dessert. There's no milk to wash it down. It would just choke.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Holy mackerel on a hot dog bun.



Is the hot dog bun blessed?

----------


## Chantellabella

> If I were a caterpillar I would munch leaves all day
> If I were a cow I would munch hay all day
> And if I were an American I would have a jelly on toast instead of jam.




I'm an American and I prefer butter on my toast.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yeah. That's what I thought. Until I saw master green  bean pronounce his distrust of jelly!



I think the jelly can't be trusted because it's a tad wishy washy.

----------


## Chantellabella

What's a spitting image? 

Is that like a picture that excretes phlegm?

----------


## peace

Down in the allotment the vegetables were moaning about the severe frost they had to endure, poor old Cabby cabbage had his outer leaves turn black with frost and Bertie the brussel  sprout was cocooned in ice. Oh how they wish for spring when the bees buzz and the birds sing and all is right with the world.

----------


## peace

> What's a spitting image? 
> 
> Is that like a picture that excretes phlegm?



A spitting image means they are exactly the same, it is an English phrase.

----------


## Chantellabella

> A spitting image means they are exactly the same, it is an English phrase.




I like my definition better.  ::):  

 :Hug: 

You know that reminds me of a painting I did once while in college. My minor was Fine Art. I painted a very realistic piping system. Then I literally attached a spigot to it. I added a large bottle of water to the back of the painting as the canvas wood allowed for room in the back. When you turned the spigot, water came out of the painting.

In other words, I also crazy paint.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Down in the allotment the vegetables were moaning about the severe frost they had to endure, poor old Cabby cabbage had his outer leaves turn black with frost and Bertie the brussel  sprout was cocooned in ice. Oh how they wish for spring when the bees buzz and the birds sing and all is right with the world.



You know when you put the tune to "Down in the Meadow" to that, it really makes for a twisted fingerplay. I may need to use that at my next Storytime

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh no!!! Not the spray tan!!!!!


Ah. I just had to get that out.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

It wan't my turn. But I got forced to go and was fuc8ed in the end!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> It wan't my turn. But I got forced to go and was fuc8ed in the end!!!!



What line were you standing in?? Don't tell me it was the DMV.

----------


## Chantellabella

> It wan't my turn. But I got forced to go and was fuc8ed in the end!!!!



btw, you're getting ready to hit the 2,000 mark! Us forum addicts will have to stick together.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

Yes!! Together we shall stick. Let the sticking commence!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yes!! Together we shall stick. Let the sticking commence!!



You do realize that we should get bragging rights or something. The least they should do is offer us some type of crown. Perhaps a therapy coupon for half off all sessions......anything.

----------


## peace

The mountains were speaking to me again today they had been very quiet up until now, I was beginning to think it was something I said. The mountain stream was singing on its way down to the valley floor as the trout were jumping for their supper. The majestic trees held their forest crown for all the eagles to see, the eagles in turn soared  on the thermals calling for all they are worth. The natural world is to be admired and cherished for all to enjoy for all time.

----------


## Chantellabella

> The mountains were speaking to me again today they had been very quiet up until now, I was beginning to think it was something I said. The mountain stream was singing on its way down to the valley floor as the trout were jumping for their supper. The majestic trees held their forest crown for all the eagles to see, the eagles in turn soared  on the thermals calling for all they are worth. The natural world is to be admired and cherished for all to enjoy for all time.



This reminded me of the poetry I read in college. Who knew that Chaucer was such a crazy talker??!!

----------


## Sagan

I have found that being stuck between two branes is not so bad after all.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I have found that being stuck between two branes is not so bad after all.



Try having 10 brains.  ::):  

It can get quite noisy in there.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the beginning..........................



there was grapefruit.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, pigeons shall wear diapers.

----------


## Sagan

Stinky coralmacs bustin' up my photosphere. ahh

----------


## peace

Maudlin Madelin was playing her mandolin whilst peeling her mandarin.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is a catastrophic cat who catches cold?


Correct!!! For 200 points.

----------


## Sagan

The man with the plan. The plan to eradicate all forms of protozoic energy in the universe

----------


## Sagan

Coraslmack ragtag mushy bang bang with my cheese. I want it fresh damnit!

----------


## Sagan

*pimp+dik = bumfit   .....   pimp+dik+pimp= figgit*

----------


## Chantellabella

> *pimp+dik = bumfit   .....   pimp+dik+pimp= figgit*



Klingon?

----------


## Otherside

> In the interest of mankind, there will be no more jello served in cups. People will have to slurp them loudly out of very thin straws.



I know this is old, but...this actually sounds quite fun. I might actually try that.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I know this is old, but...this actually sounds quite fun. I might actually try that.



I think it's been done. I know I've seen pudding in straws and yogurt in straws. I'm sorry, but yogurt in straws is too close to sucking up congealed milk from a glass.

----------


## Sagan

Unlease the kraken!

----------


## onawheel



----------


## Chantellabella

> Unlease the kraken!



Sorry, you can't. I think Jack Sparrow got him.

----------


## Chantellabella

> 




Yep. 


Crazy talk.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

So it looks like I have to post over 30 x to get ahead of Sagan again.

I will win the first 6 stars! It's my destiny. 

Now if only I could spell destiny on the first try rather than the 5th one.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ta ra ra boom de ay
what rhymes with de ay?
I know......tooth decay
and "please, this way"
Would you pleas stay
Ok

----------


## Chantellabella

From now on the color blue will be named orange. 

That is all.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think therefore I have a large opportunity to go insane one day.

----------


## Chantellabella

One day, I would like to experience the joy of penguin watching.

One day.

----------


## Chantellabella

This manual says I have to lean to the left, stick out my tongue and bark.

What is this?

----------


## Chantellabella

Shhh!


Oh darn!



You missed it!

----------


## Chantellabella

I have no clue what lies at the bottom of the sea.

----------


## Chantellabella

If you climbed the highest mountain, could you touch the sky?

----------


## Chantellabella

Martians are nice people.

----------


## Chantellabella

And that's what it's all about!

----------


## Chantellabella

Did you know that I attempted something today that could not be done. 

Well, I didn't do it.


But I attempted to do it.

That should count for some points.

----------


## Chantellabella

Twenty two bottles of beer on the wall.

Question............is that song referring to bottles on a shelf or beer splattered on the wall?

----------


## Chantellabella

I just realized that I can't remember what it is now.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop!!!


In the name of Fred.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. It's like this. 

Old technology doesn't jive with new technology and therefore the entire mess gave me a headache.

I hate no win situations.


There's always got to be a way to cheat.

----------


## Chantellabella

I could count stars.


I


2





3





Ok. I'm bored.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm exhausted. I'm going to have to try and catch up another day.

----------


## Chantellabella

Hold my place in the universe, will ya?

----------


## Sagan

No but I'll hold the universe in place.

----------


## Chantellabella

> No but I'll hold the universe in place.



God? Is that you?  ::):

----------


## peace

Life is what you see, what you hear, what you touch, what you smell, if you have enough to eat for the day, if you have a bed to sleep in  and if you have someone who gives a [BEEP] about you.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Life is what you see, what you hear, what you touch, what you smell, if you have enough to eat for the day, if you have a bed to sleep in  and if you have someone who gives a [BEEP] about you.




That's definitely not crazy talk. I believe that too.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm behind Sagan by almost 30 posts and it's my mission in life to get 6 stars before he does, so I need to catch up.

----------


## Chantellabella

Gummy bears are quite a disturbing concept. They're shaped like bears and are chewy. We let little children eat them

Isn't anyone else disturbed by this?

----------


## Chantellabella

My high school mascot was an owl. 

What's so scary about an owl?

When our cheerleaders would yell "Who's going to win?" 

The rest of us would scream "Who?"

----------


## Chantellabella

Why do cats shed their hair? It just seems like a waste.

----------


## Chantellabella

Question. Why do weeds grow faster and taller than grass? Is this some philosophical answer to the universe?

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, nose hair will now be harvested for pillow stuffing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Saturated lard is not healthy.

----------


## Chantellabella

Think about it. 


"I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee.
Won't my mommy be so proud of me."

Doesn't anyone think that it's strange that the kid thinks his mother will reward him for bringing home a stinging insect in his hand?

----------


## Chantellabella

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt................

Ok What's the rest of that?

Something about it's my name too.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on one foot at a busy intersection can be fun.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stereotypical stereos seldom sell successfully

----------


## Chantellabella

My father went to sea sea sea
To see what he could see see see
But all that he could see see see
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea

Was this a tragic sea accident? I mean, did the dad get shipwrecked?

----------


## Chantellabella

Cute cats cuddle, claw and collaborate

----------


## Chantellabella

Trepidationariolisticophia - fear of writing words that make no sense.

----------


## Chantellabella

Quick!!!! 




Look!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Did you see it??



There!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Behind you!!!!!!




Look!!!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sorry.




My mistake.

----------


## Chantellabella

It was only a...................




There it is again!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

My bad.



Flyby hallucination.

----------


## Chantellabella

Question.


If you step on a crack and break your mother's back.................


Isn't that a little morbid?

----------


## Chantellabella

Whoa!!!!


Stay.

----------


## Chantellabella

Open 

Shut them

Open

Shut them


Give a little clap clap calp



Doesn't anybody else see this kid's fingerplay as x rated?

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm a little teapot 
Short and stout
Here is my handle
Here is my spout
When I get all steamed up
Hear me shout
Just tip me over 
And pour me out


What are we teaching these kids???!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory dickory dock.

Ok. Is this to give kids a life lesson? You work really hard to get somewhere and then nothing happens.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stay puff marshmallows.

Breakfast of champions.

----------


## Chantellabella

Are stolen stethoscopes sanitary?

----------


## Chantellabella

Why doesn't my garbage man pick up the plastic garden edging? 

And that's not even a crazy question.

----------


## Chantellabella

2,267

Booyah Sagan!!

----------


## Sagan

Well. We seem to be tied also 2,267

----------


## Chantellabella

> Well. We seem to be tied also 2,267




Nope. Not now.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Let me add a few more before I finish mowing the yard..................

----------


## Chantellabella

Is it further to New York or by boat?

----------


## Chantellabella

If you take one orange, then add an apple..............what do you have?

----------


## Sagan

Firelog, it's what's for dinner

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Sagan

So I was hanging out with my borderline bridge the other night. All of the sudden the rocks began forming battalions and began attacking us. We fought back with counter insurgent rocks but were overwhelmed.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ha!! Think you can sneak in and get ahead of me while I'm out slaving in 100 degree weather, did ya? 

Well, I'm have you know that I can do more crazy talk than anybody I know. In fact, I can do so much crazy talk that I got myself disqualified for life from jury duty. Funny how when you tell your therapist, "if you don't get me out of jury duty, I'm going to become a t__________" gets people to notice that it's not a good idea to put me on a jury panel. I'm surprised I wasn't thrown in jail the many times I was called. When they ask who thinks this person is guilty before we get started, I always raise my hand. One time I said, "I have 3 teenagers (at the time) and if this guy was already pulled over once before for DWI, then he should be hung whether he drank this time or not. Any idiot who drinks and gets behind a wheel is a menace to my children. What difference does it make if it was his first, second, or tenth offense. He's going to kill my children and should be shot with a firing squad."

Another time when asked if anyone had been a victim of a violent crime, I raised my hand and said, "Yeah, ya see that guy who's trying to get off? Well, if he ever laid even one finger on his wife or someone else, he should first have the crap beat out of him with chains, and then he should be left to be eaten by wild dogs. The fact that he has this fancy lawyer tells me he's guilty and is just some slob who never takes responsibility for his own actions."

Can you tell I have no faith in the justice system? It's who has money and the biggest lies. 

I'm surprised I wasn't disqualified a long time ago. Those two times were only a fraction of what I've said in the courtroom while waiting to be "picked" for a jury.

----------


## Chantellabella

And the martian is one ahead again! 

Bouyah..........the sequel!

----------


## Sagan

So anyway these rocks turned out not to be so benevolent after all.  They are actually quite nice once you get to know them. THey decided to come with me and my bridge to my place for dinner. I convinced them to pose for a group picture  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> So anyway these rocks turned out not to be so benevolent after all.  They are actually quite nice once you get to know them. THey decided to come with me and my bridge to my place for dinner. I convinced them to pose for a group picture



They look stunned. Did you shock them into submission?

----------


## Sagan

It was only a mild shock, they shall recover.

----------


## Chantellabella

> It was only a mild shock, they shall recover.



Have you looked into rock therapy? They look pretty banged up. I mean look how frozen and lifeless. Poor things.

----------


## Chantellabella

And one more to creep ahead of Sagan.

----------


## Chantellabella

Maybe one more for good measure.

----------


## Chantellabella

Annnnnddddd....................................one more just because I can.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

I think therefore my brain is turned on.

----------


## Chantellabella

Wait. That didn't sound right.

----------


## Chantellabella

You do realize, Sagan, that I can spit out crazy talk so fast that I could have the 6 stars by tonight. 

Lucky for you I have a headache and won't be doing that.

----------


## Sagan

Yes luck. How much luck would a luck chuck if a luck chuck could chuck luck?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yes luck. How much luck would a luck chuck if a luck chuck could chuck luck?



That reminds me of a snafu that happened to one of my co-workers. She wrote on the board the titles of the books she would be reading in storytime. I passed the board, then did an about face. She had a slight typo. 

Where the Wild Thongs Are.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why is crazy talk sound so normal and normal things that people say sound crazy?????????

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to be crazy. I want to dance in fountains, scream at people on corners and get thrown out of places. That would be so freeing. This so called "normalcy" sucks toe fungus.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to climb the tallest building and fly. Then I want to spit on people. Not just anybody. I want a target finder.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to walk up to people and tell them to their face, "you're shitting me right? You really fucking said that???!!"

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to drive over people and toss their bodies into the trunk of my car for a keepsake.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to send postcards to random people telling them they suck.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to send applications to the "yes, send me everything there is in the world to sell me " people, filling in other people's names.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to call China just to talk.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to lift up a car like Superman and toss it randomly at people in parking lots.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to leave parents with other people's kids in public places.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to shout out my car window.................you asshole!!! Why don't you go ride a tricycle and get the [BEEP] out of my way!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to count to ten holding my breath to see if I pass out.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to send spam emails to spam companies.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to forget I exist.

----------


## Chantellabella

Hey, I could do that. I can make believe that I was never born. I know my mother did.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can fly. I really can.

----------


## Chantellabella

I was born. 


That is all.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ah!! I see no mods here tonight. That means I can throw tomatoes all over the place. 


*spat!* 


Ok. I'm bored with that.

----------


## Chantellabella

There must be something to get in trouble with. 


I should make a huge attempt at getting banned. Let's see. 


Nope. Can't think of anything to do. I could kill someone here, but the fact that I can't actually reach anyone through the screen is somewhat of a deterrent. Not that there's anybody here that I would like to strangle. Darn you, nice people!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

I could sing.


No, that sucks. I can't sing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. I'll just have to go put my head in a blender. 

Yes, that would work.

----------


## Chantellabella

I could write poetry.


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I can't think of a thing to say
Can you?

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. It's like this. 

Kumquats are really bugging me. 


Damned kumquats!! I wish they would die!

----------


## Chantellabella

I get it now. The world ended and I didn't read the frickin memo. Damn!!! I'm all alone in this vast planet now. 

Ok. That'll work for me.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can shoot spit balls at a range of 6 ft. I measured it once.

----------


## Chantellabella

Earth to anyone. Let me tell you about a guy who once was my friend. He was a kiwi. Not a real kiwi. He wasn't even from New Zealand. But he was as shallow as the rest of the planet. Oh and he hurt me too. 

Another one bites the dust. I think I'm in the thousands by now.

----------


## Chantellabella

You know who I hate? I hate people who creep after other people. Seriously. They're like some creeper peepers. Very disturbing. I want to just take a blow torch and flush them out from behind the curtains.

----------


## Chantellabella

How many vicious words can you say??

----------


## Chantellabella

I know someone who say so many vicious words that I could literally google those vicious words and find her blasting somebody out again. I think she had stock in cyberspace because she was all over it.

----------


## Chantellabella

But she died. 


 :sparkles:

----------


## Chantellabella

Spitting image of my grandmother's dog.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok that's enough fun. 


I'll go down myself in my economy flush toilet now.

----------


## Sagan

Just chainin' the break  ::):

----------


## Sagan

Cindyyyyyyyyyy. where art thou?  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Cindyyyyyyyyyy. where art thou?



Thou is right here!! Did you put a bug on this thread? Now I'm going to have to get some RAID or a really big shoe.

Oh and just in case you were counting.... *evil grin*............ I'm wayyyyyyyyyyyy ahead of you in post count. I can see the 6 star trophy now. They may even make a tee shirt in my honor.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

At how many posts does the 6th star light?

----------


## Chantellabella

> At how many posts does the 6th star light?



I think it's 2,500. I don't remember what the numbers were for the 7th and 8th one. It's probably like 5,000 and 10,000 or something.

----------


## Sagan

Damn Cindy. How the hell you get ahead so fast.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Damn Cindy. How the hell you get ahead so fast.



It's the crazy talk. I gots da talent to say da crazy . :juggle:

----------


## Sagan

Yesssss. but what about a rock, or not a rock, but a fish, a dumb fish. What about the portfolio of life?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yesssss. but what about a rock, or not a rock, but a fish, a dumb fish. What about the portfolio of life?



Yes, I did consider the portfolio of life as it related to both the rock and the fish. But since it was only a lesser portfolio, I thought I could get away with just a snap shot. See? At least I'm considerate.

----------


## Chantellabella

May the essence of your kangaroos give you longevity and mutual sustainability!

----------


## Sagan

Yesss. Mutual sustainability! others are alive thank cornbread!

----------


## Sagan

I want some eggs damnit

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yesss. Mutual sustainability! others are alive thank cornbread!



I thought the cornbread followers disbanded. Something about which side to butter or something. It was all very political.

----------


## Chantellabella

I hot-wired a coconut once. 

It was grateful.

----------


## Sagan

No no no. You have it all wrong. See, only the lonely shall not be violated. During a police encounter the best thing to do is always keep your mouth shut.

----------


## Chantellabella

> No no no. You have it all wrong. See, only the lonely shall not be violated. During a police encounter the best thing to do is always keep your mouth shut.



Yes. but I don't want to incite the kumquats. They can be vicious in a mob.

----------


## Chantellabella

You do realize that I only have 90 more posts to go before the big 6 Star Extravaganza, don't ya? Well, 89 after I post this one.

----------


## Chantellabella



----------


## Chantellabella

I decided that the crazy talk song needed a video so I made a movie.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind lasers will be installed in every public bathroom stall.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on one foot while organizing your grapefruits is just downright irritating to the pigeons. 

So stop it!


Before they revolt.

----------


## peace

Murica the brave, Murica the free, basically Murica is a rave.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Murica the brave, Murica the free, basically Murica is a rave.



We do our best in bravery and freedom. 

Well, at least I do. 


Some Muricans can be considered a rave.


I can't speak for the 316,403,999 other people who live here too.

----------


## Chantellabella

Special agent soybean farmers are incognito. They hide behind the pigeon farmers.

----------


## Chantellabella

The itsy bitsy spider
went up the water spout
down came the rain
and washed the spider out

FEMA sent a check 
to build another web
but the itsy bitsy spider
bought a car instead

----------


## Chantellabella

Spandex is a secret weapon in times of unrest

----------


## Chantellabella

My grandma and your grandma
were sitting by the fire
my grandma told your grandma
gonna set your pants on fire



No, really that's what the song says


That grandma seems to have issues.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spit can create lovely centerpieces when flung in patterns

----------


## Chantellabella

Casual triangles are congruent with obtuse rectangles.

It's really sad when you think about that whole geometry thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think the pigeons were talking about me the other day.

One said "coo" and the other said, "who?"

----------


## Chantellabella

Static electricity is revolting

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing in for the antelope.

They had to pee.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think therefore I pay taxes

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not ever about Little Boy Blue.

I think that's why he needed therapy after the sheep incident.

----------


## Chantellabella

Whoa!!!


Did you see that?

----------


## Sagan

Cindyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The Master clerical sansibar told me to cherish the tacos!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Cindyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The Master clerical sansibar told me to cherish the tacos!



I agree. You never know when someone will bite the big one.

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of tamales and the red cross.

I think hot sauce is over rated.

The nuns think so also.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't believe it's not guacamole.

If I ever become a nun I want to be called Sister Mary Holy Roly Guacamole

----------


## Chantellabella

I should become a nun. I think I'd make a great nun. 

What does a nun do? 


On second thought I should become a toll bridge attendant.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sasquatch called.


He wants to sue for defamation of character.

----------


## Chantellabella

it's a bird!

It's a plane!!!


It's Tamale Pigeon!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

I hacked up a hair ball today.


I have to stop licking my cats' heads.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oops!

The Grim Reaper calling!

Gotta run!

----------


## peace

The runner keeps running over hill and down dale, he stops for know one not even his children. Running means he's alive safe from the demons that torment his mind, problem is when he stops he's knackered.

----------


## Chantellabella

> The runner keeps running over hill and down dale, he stops for know one not even his children. Running means he's alive safe from the demons that torment his mind, problem is when he stops he's knackered.



Question. 

If he's knackered, does he run in a straight line?

----------


## Sagan

Stick in suspended animation. I was violated against my will.

----------


## peace

> Question. 
> 
> If he's knackered, does he run in a straight line?



He is only knackered when he stops running.

----------


## Sagan

Hot n Spicy stole my thunder. He shall forever rest in gobbs of blackberries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Stick in suspended animation. I was violated against my will.



See that's normal. If you were willingly violated, well, I would say you might have a few issues.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hot n Spicy stole my thunder. He shall forever rest in gobbs of blackberries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Speaking of gobbs of blackberries................ why did Little Boy Blue feel the need to stick his thumb in the pie? Ok maybe he wanted a taste. But when he pulled out a plum on his thumb he said, "oh what a good boy am I. "  

Let's think about this a minute. He is doing something he shouldn't be doing (germing up everybody's pie), then when he pulls out a fruit, he feels the need to compliment himself. Then to further the confusion, he speaks to himself and congratulates himself. 

Is it just me that thinks this is a tad weird? 

It would be like a thief saying "oh what a good person I am for knocking down that little old lady and stealing her purse." 

And then why would the nursery rhyme writers feel the need to glorify this obvious pie destroyer? Was it because it rhymed with "pie?"  Were morals different way back then and people were rewarded for how much gross and disgusting things they could do to others? I mean, someone was going to have to eat that pie and who knows where that kid's thumb was before it got stuck in the pie. He could have spread cholera. So on top of infecting 12 people with his germs, it sounds like he ate most of the pie and he thought that was swell. 

Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying Sagan? 

Oh wait. You said blackberries. 

Well, that's even worse! 

Sing a song of sixpence
Pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
When the pie was opened
The birds began to sing
Wasn't that a dainty dish 
To set before the king?

Oh wait. That's black birds and not black berries.

Nevermind.

Carry on.

----------


## peace

Once upon a time, the Mouse, the Bird, and the Sausage lived happily  together. The Bird brings home wood from the forest; the Mouse delivers  water, makes the cooking fire, lays the table; and the Sausage cooks.
 One day, the Bird has a chat with some other birds. They make fun of  the Bird, saying that it was doing all the work. The next day, the Bird  suggests that they switch roles and refuses to go to the forest. The  Mouse and the Sausage oppose the idea at first, but in the end, they  give in. The Bird now is responsible for bringing home the water, the  Mouse cooks, and the Sausage goes to the forest to collect wood.
 The Sausage leaves to gather wood in the forest early in the morning  but does not come home again. The Bird gets worried and starts looking  for it. Soon, it finds a dog, who has attacked and eaten the Sausage.  The Bird is going to accuse the dog, but the dog lies and says that the  Sausage was carrying a lot of forged letters with him, and therefore it  needs to be punished. The Bird cannot argue, so it goes home and tells  the Mouse what has happened. They decide to do their best together from  now on.
 The Mouse starts to cook. It imitates the Sausage, rolling himself in  the pot to mix and season the food. However, the Mouse cannot stand the  heat and dies. The Bird comes home from the forest. It panics as it  cannot find the Mouse and starts throwing the wood here and there. It  yells and searches, but suddenly the wood catches fire. In order to put  out the fire, the Bird goes to the well to get some water. It falls into  the well after dropping the bucket. The Bird cannot get back out and  drowns.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Once upon a time, the Mouse, the Bird, and the Sausage lived happily  together. The Bird brings home wood from the forest; the Mouse delivers  water, makes the cooking fire, lays the table; and the Sausage cooks.
>  One day, the Bird has a chat with some other birds. They make fun of  the Bird, saying that it was doing all the work. The next day, the Bird  suggests that they switch roles and refuses to go to the forest. The  Mouse and the Sausage oppose the idea at first, but in the end, they  give in. The Bird now is responsible for bringing home the water, the  Mouse cooks, and the Sausage goes to the forest to collect wood.
>  The Sausage leaves to gather wood in the forest early in the morning  but does not come home again. The Bird gets worried and starts looking  for it. Soon, it finds a dog, who has attacked and eaten the Sausage.  The Bird is going to accuse the dog, but the dog lies and says that the  Sausage was carrying a lot of forged letters with him, and therefore it  needs to be punished. The Bird cannot argue, so it goes home and tells  the Mouse what has happened. They decide to do their best together from  now on.
>  The Mouse starts to cook. It imitates the Sausage, rolling himself in  the pot to mix and season the food. However, the Mouse cannot stand the  heat and dies. The Bird comes home from the forest. It panics as it  cannot find the Mouse and starts throwing the wood here and there. It  yells and searches, but suddenly the wood catches fire. In order to put  out the fire, the Bird goes to the well to get some water. It falls into  the well after dropping the bucket. The Bird cannot get back out and  drowns.




 :Clapping:   Definitely fairy tale worthy!!

----------


## Chantellabella

I tried to bathe my cat. He was not amused.

----------


## Chantellabella

I will crazy talk myself to 6 stars now.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people should be neutered at birth

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people should wear a bracelet that says, "Don't talk to me because everything that will come out of my mouth is stupid."

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people should be taxed on their level of stupidity. The more stupid, the higher the tax.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people should be ground up into cat food.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people need to have their forehead tattoo with the words "warning, idiotic blaming and lies will spew any moment."

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people need to be shoved into car trunks, then lit on fire and drowned in the ocean.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stupid people are really stupid. 

I hate them. 

I hate them a lot.

----------


## Chantellabella

I just want to live in a world where the chicken's motives are questioned.

----------


## Sagan

Hey I see you made it to 6 stars! I present you with this:

----------


## Sagan

I know I know. It's pretty crazy aint it?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hey I see you made it to 6 stars! I present you with this:



A brain on Jello?

----------


## Sagan

No. a drain on bello

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind,


air will now be rationed. 


People are only allowed to breathe Monday, Weds, Fri and every other Saturday.

----------


## Sagan

Crock moon blasted in the wind. Releasing an utter fantastic array of fine dining.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Crock moon blasted in the wind. Releasing an utter fantastic array of fine dining.



does that fine dining come with a spiffy waiter? i dont want to get my wind blasted crock moon in a cafeteria line.

----------


## Sagan

Yes. Fine dining with head chef Coralmac Corngrab.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yes. Fine dining with head chef Coralmac Corngrab.



that will work. now we just need the furry napkins and we can sit down to a feast.

----------


## Chantellabella

The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
Then the Itsy Bitsy Spider said "Time to quit the game."  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing in line.................... waiting for the asteroid.....................what pretty colors.........................getting warm..........................shoes melting.........................world spinning.......................... oh wait........................this isn't a doomed earth..........................it's the bank line........................ooo, I'm next!

----------


## Sagan

Tazy crock. or in a matter of speaking huge red spots, all over the place ungulate and move about.

----------


## Ironman

Jupiter has red spots.  It needs ACNE medication!

----------


## Chantellabella

Spots everywhere? 

But what about the stripes? 


Doesn't anybody care about the stripes?


Don't worry, stripes. 


I'll care about you.

----------


## Sagan

Stripes everywhere. Cracking up the general structure of the spacetime fabric of the cosmos. Strips of gravity wells and tears in space time allow for tazy crock and a multitude of strawberries and pomegranate

----------


## Chantellabella

> Stripes everywhere. Cracking up the general structure of the spacetime fabric of the cosmos. Strips of gravity wells and tears in space time allow for tazy crock and a multitude of strawberries and pomegranate



Speaking of pomegranates...............

I can see why the English language is a [BEEP] to learn. When I look at the word pomegranate, I want to break it up into meanings

pome: a bunch of lines that sometimes rhyme unless it's a hiaku which makes no sense to me
granates: big heavy rocks that fall off a paved road or mountainside

pomegranates: big heavy lines that rhyme

Am I close?

----------


## Chantellabella

It's all about the pigeons wearing hats and drinking orange Crush. 

Can't you now see the big picture of it all?

----------


## Chantellabella

respect.

Why is that crazy talk?

----------


## Chantellabella

I have to remember to not post here after taking a muscle relaxer. Believe me, what I write when I have one in me, is the craziest talk I've done yet.  ::):  

Guys, if you see extremely poor grammar and lots of missed keys, let me know where I put that ok? 

Maybe I should start copying and pasting those on this thread. They are seriously "crazy talk."  ::):

----------


## Sagan

I always hate it when I wake up driving

----------


## FunkyMonkey

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuu my dog keeps staring at me!! not sure if she likes me or if shes just looking for food hopefully im not the food o.0
=hides=
Crazy enough? >: D 

fiiiine -spins around and pretends to be Taz-
GLaaaafuuuwawarawara 
Taz-Spin-06.gif

----------


## Chantellabella

> I always hate it when I wake up driving



I'll bet that squirrel you hit does too.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Suuuuuuuuuuuuuu my dog keeps staring at me!! not sure if she likes me or if shes just looking for food hopefully im not the food o.0
> =hides=
> Crazy enough? >: D 
> 
> fiiiine -spins around and pretends to be Taz-
> GLaaaafuuuwawarawara 
> Taz-Spin-06.gif



Don't you ever wonder what they're thinking when they stare at you? 

Like are they thinking "bark! what was that?!" 

"Bark! What was that??!!" 

"Bark!! There it is again!!" 

"Can't you hear that, Human??!!" 

"Look a chicken!"

----------


## Sagan

I are for the bake camp. Cough it up Shatner. Unless you Haven't seen the Coralmac

----------


## Chantellabella

> I are for the bake camp. Cough it up Shatner. Unless you Haven't seen the Coralmac



Try giving the captain the Heimlich and see if he barfs it out.

----------


## Sagan

The captain is dead. The ship suffered a warp core breach on star date 5791.3 at 14:34 hrs. All hands were lost. Speaking of hands. Stupid meds making me freaking SWEAT like a pig hands forehead. Sweating in places I didn't know I could sweat. ugh

----------


## Chantellabella

> The captain is dead. The ship suffered a warp core breach on star date 5791.3 at 14:34 hrs. All hands were lost. Speaking of hands. Stupid meds making me freaking SWEAT like a pig hands forehead. Sweating in places I didn't know I could sweat. ugh



Sorry about the sweating thing. The good news though is now you can sympathize with anyone going through menopause. 

Hey! That's worth something.  ::):  

If Kirk is dead, is Spock now in charge of the Enterprise? It would have to be the Spock in the original time space continuum. He's way cooler than the new Spock in "the other" dimension.

----------


## Chantellabella

My life is presently like a stopped up toilet. Stuck and full of shit. 

Anybody got a plunger? 

Some Drano perhaps?

----------


## Chantellabella

The nude soccer event was cancelled.

----------


## Chantellabella

Question. 

Why are bridges so highly prized by pigeons? Is it like the ritsy neighborhood for feathered persons?

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. So who actually came up with the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Uh, yeah. Words can hurt. I want to find that philosopher and call him a name. See how crushed he feels. 

Maybe he was in denial or something.

----------


## Chantellabella

Picking which ones of my cats to put down is a no-win situation.  ::(:   I hate this. I have to get rid of 4 or 5 of them.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stapling your finger to the desk isn't a wise idea.

----------


## Chantellabella

I is therefore I am ~ quote from the Bad Grammar Philosopher

Well, if there was a Bad Grammar Philosopher, he or she would say that. 

I'm sure of it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of the water buffalo round up.

----------


## Chantellabella

Whoa! That sounded so spammer-like. 

Maybe I should go into the spam industry.

----------


## Chantellabella

Brand spanking new.

Question. 


Why are we spanking the brand?


Was it naughty?

----------


## Chantellabella

Giant rodent-like asparagus tips ate my pancakes.


It was quite disturbing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Amalgamated toe cheese is all the rage.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop! In the name of Steve! 

Before I spew and heave. 

Is it o-o-over?

----------


## Chantellabella

Candy colored soft cushions do not bode well with small children who are hungry.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oozing phlegm and puss is not a good pattern color for an easy chair.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to name a cat "Catsup." That way I could say "Cat! Sup?" when I greet him.

----------


## Chantellabella

Pleasant conversation with small rodents can be both a good and a bad thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Made you look!

----------


## Chantellabella

A stitch in time saves nine.



Wa?  :Eyebrow: 


Nine whats?

----------


## Chantellabella

As I look over the horizon, I see large mountains and deep valleys. 


Oh sorry. That's my neighbor.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not easy being chartreuse.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's common knowledge that lightbulbs are bright. 

The dull ones are thrown out of school at an early age. 


Then they are eaten by wolves.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't go under it.
Can't go over it.
Can't go around it. 
Gotta go through it.

Getting baffled about how to get to a bear in a hunt should be an indication that you probably shouldn't be in the woods looking for a large vicious bear in the first place.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stages of celery eating.


1) bite 
2) crunch
3) swallow


Yeah, that one's not too complicated.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can replenish that spit ball for you.

Let me get my bucket of phlegm.

----------


## Chantellabella

I've got a hat covered in fishing hooks. Why am I wearing it?


(btw, that's an actual song)

----------


## Chantellabella

You put your head in
You take your head out
You put your head in
And you shake it all about


Doesn't anyone else see the grossness of this song???!!


And we're singing it to small children!

Oh the humanity!

----------


## Chantellabella

Samurai Squashman saves the salad!

News at 11.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not sure that the postman rang twice. 

I think it was only once.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think,............


Therefore I forgot

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't understand the instructions!! 


Is it stitch one, pearl two........or stitch two, pearl one? 


Anybody have an oyster?

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not sure about the pigeons. 


One cooed at me.



Should I be concerned?

----------


## Chantellabella

Squirrels are so sad.


Their safety instructor was sadistic.


"You look both ways and if you see a car, run in front of it."

----------


## Chantellabella

If a tree falls on an squirrel, does it care?


Hey! It could!


We don't know.

----------


## Chantellabella

Camptown ladies  sing this song
Do da
Do da

This song is about horse racing.

Why are we singing Do Da?

----------


## Chantellabella

Pistachio pit pizza

Almost as good as the frozen kind.

----------


## Chantellabella

As the sun fades far in the distance............

An eagle cries.............


"Why the [BEEP] did you shoot me, you dumbass??!! I'm endangered."

----------


## Koalafan

I drank the last of the chocolate milk

----------


## Chantellabella

> I drank the last of the chocolate milk



 :spank: 

thats just crazy talk!

----------


## Chantellabella

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Now I know my ABC's

Tell me what you think of me. 


Does anyone else think that's quite the narcissistic song?

----------


## Otherside

> ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
> 
> Now I know my ABC's
> 
> Tell me what you think of me. 
> 
> 
> Does anyone else think that's quite the narcissistic song?



The version over here seems to go "Now I am a bumble bee"

Or there's the version that's extremly rude when you're three years old and goes "Now I'll go and have a pee"

----------


## Chantellabella

> The version over here seems to go "Now I am a bumble bee"
> 
> Or there's the version that's extremly rude when you're three years old and goes "Now I'll go and have a pee"




????

How does saying your ABC's turn you into a bumblebee? I can see millions of European children terrified to say their ABC's for fear of turning into a bug. 

Also what about those poor children who think that reciting your ABC's causes you to pee. If they're two and they *don't want to go potty*, that could be a problem.

----------


## Otherside

> ????
> 
> How does saying your ABC's turn you into a bumblebee? I can see millions of European children terrified to say their ABC's for fear of turning into a bug. 
> 
> Also what about those poor children who think that reciting your ABC's causes you to pee. If they're two and they *don't want to go potty*, that could be a problem.



Obviously, we're weird europeans. Although the version about peeing was made up by a friend of mine aged three, when the words "Pee" or "Poo" are extremly hilarious and rude words to say.

----------


## Sagan

Crime rate stolen stacherial burgers with wasabi sauce

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



That's a pissed taco cat.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Crime rate stolen stacherial burgers with wasabi sauce



You sound just like the spammers.  ::):

----------


## Otherside

1-Freeze custard until completley frozen
2-Fry toast
3-Add tuna steaks to toast
4-Crush frozen custard and put on top of tuna steaks
5-Serve with horseradish

----------


## Chantellabella

> 1-Freeze custard until completley frozen
> 2-Fry toast
> 3-Add tuna steaks to toast
> 4-Crush frozen custard and put on top of tuna steaks
> 5-Serve with horseradish



Um, I'll do the cooking when you come here for the barbeque, ok?

----------


## Chantellabella

Freeze dried boogers go on sale tomorrow.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think the pigeons are watching me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop licking the icing off the spoon!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

They've got no business selling postage stamps to sloths. They would only stamp themselves to death. 


It's quite tragic.

----------


## Chantellabella

Joy to the world, 


the cat's gonna shed.

----------


## Chantellabella

First you raise one foot up two feet.


Then you hold for an ace.

----------


## Chantellabella

I miss the Daniel C and Secretly Pretentious taxidermist stories. They were definitely the craziest talk ever!

----------


## Sagan

They have no living descendants they are a living dead end..

----------


## Sagan

Guts and brains and mussels and teeth

----------


## Chantellabella

> Guts and brains and mussels and teeth



Then you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around!
That's what it's all about!

----------


## Sagan

So in String Theory we call them Three Branes.

----------


## Sagan

How you have a Trophy? I have played many games and lost all

----------


## Sagan

Back to ATC game.

----------


## Chantellabella

> How you have a Trophy? I have played many games and lost all



It's for winning the lamest game in the arcade - bowling. 

But at least I won!  ::):

----------


## Sagan

Well the right arrow key on my keyboard is broken so I can't play many of the games anyway. I like the egg drop game but I'm not very good at it.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Well the right arrow key on my keyboard is broken so I can't play many of the games anyway. I like the egg drop game but I'm not very good at it.



What skill do you need to drop an egg? You take that little round bugger, climb to the nearest tall building, and hum it at the first person you see on the ground.  ::):  

It totally relieves stress. I recommend it highly.  ::):  

Sometimes bowling balls are even better. They make a nice noise when they hit their target.

----------


## Chantellabella

STOP!! 


In the name of start!!!!


Before it breaks your heart!!




Ok. I think I sang that wrong. 


Anybody got the lyrics?


Oh well..................



Stop!! 

In the name of farts!!!


Before they break the barn....................



Maybe I should stop singing now.  :Guitarist3:

----------


## Chantellabella

A boolah boolah!

Boolah boolah.................

Boolah boolah.................


Boolah boo


eh! eh!


A boolah boolah!

A boolah boolah.................


A boolah boolah!


A boolah boo 


eh! eh!


A daba daboo

A daba daboo.................


A daba daboo.................


A daba boo


eh! eh!


A daba daboo

A daba daboo...................

A daba daboo!


a daba boo!


eh! eh!



Insane Sonata #38 in B flat

----------


## Sagan

You know the perfect song for this thread? Enjoy!

----------


## Chantellabella

> You know the perfect song for this thread? Enjoy!




LOL!!! I love it!

----------


## Chantellabella

See? This video is what life's about. It makes perfect sense now.

It's like the Hokey Pokey.

What does the fox say?


The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about.  ::):  

And what the fox says is very important.

----------


## Sagan

Talk is crazy. I mean why utilize such a primitive form of the transfer of w/z particles amid a mist of the electromagnetic field which is a million times stronger than gravity!. I mean pick an object off your desk and lift it up. WOW you just defeated the whole of Earth's gravity.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Talk is crazy. I mean why utilize such a primitive form of the transfer of w/z particles amid a mist of the electromagnetic field which is a million times stronger than gravity!. I mean pick an object off your desk and lift it up. WOW you just defeated the whole of Earth's gravity.



I don't know Sagan. Most of the time, gravity wins in my case as evidenced by how many times I've run into the new wall and door in my house and fallen on my ass. Where's lasair who volunteered to be the medic for our 30+ group? 

Ok. Senior moment. It WAS lasair that volunteered for that, right? 

Don't worry. I'm actually looking forward to the day that I don't know who I am.  ::):  I will finally have a peaceful, oblivious life.  :damn kids:

----------


## Sagan

Cause on the surface the city light's shine...  ::

----------


## Sagan

We run away but we don't know why......  ::

----------


## Chantellabella

> We run away but we don't know why......



I know why I run away.

----------


## Otherside

I was in love
falling free
trying my best not to forget
what happened to us
what happened to me
what happened as let it slip
I was confused by the powers that me
forgetting names and places
passers by were looking at me
as if they could erase us

Baby did you forget to take your meds? 

 :Guitarist2:  :Guitarist3:  :mask:  :juggle:  :Joint:

----------


## Chantellabella

> I was in love
> falling free
> trying my best not to forget
> what happened to us
> what happened to me
> what happened as let it slip
> I was confused by the powers that me
> forgetting names and places
> passers by were looking at me
> ...



Meds by Placebo.


Funny how so many songs are really crazy talk.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of canned ravioli.

----------


## Skippy

> Standing on the precipice of canned ravioli.



Don't fall in! There's no turning back after that.

....Yeah a crazy talk thread would be the perfect place for me now, considering I really have gone crazy.   :kooky:

----------


## Otherside

And now, let's talk sanity.

...
...
...
...
..
.

----------


## Chantellabella

> And now, let's talk sanity.
> 
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ...
> ..
> .




Heresy!!!

----------


## Sagan

Gorn crock rasto pick me up and share the gym socks as I need to extend a gift of risperidone.

----------


## Otherside

> Heresy!!!



So...witches float because they are made of wood. As wood floats, and so does a duck, therefore by logic, a witch weighs the same as a duck.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Gorn crock rasto pick me up and share the gym socks as I need to extend a gift of risperidone.



I'll take the gorn crock rasto
You can keep the gym socks.............ewww!!!!
And I will accept your gift of risperidone, but it's for the 70 year old stalker dude. 


And yes, I would be regifting, dang it!!! Admit it!! We all do that!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> So...witches float because they are made of wood. As wood floats, and so does a duck, therefore by logic, a witch weighs the same as a duck.




Yes! Therefore, I say we burn her!!!


Speaking of things like that......


I need minions. 
Any takers for the job?

I'm sure I can get some type of medical insurance policy for ya if you sign up.

----------


## Otherside

> Yes! Therefore, I say we burn her!!!
> 
> 
> Speaking of things like that......
> 
> 
> I need minions. 
> Any takers for the job?
> 
> I'm sure I can get some type of medical insurance policy for ya if you sign up.



Does it work in the UK? The NHS is crap.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Does it work in the UK? The NHS is crap.



Well, I have it on the best authority from the minion union, that there is some form of compensation. 


I think it involves lightning bolts or something. Not sure. I didn't really read the fine print.

----------


## Chantellabella

Insanity the norm
Normalcy is very scary
Abandonment hurts 
Now what?

----------


## Otherside

So if a cat deckded to watch netflix qith a giraffe in tasmania whilst eating popcorn \nd pineapple...what would happen?

----------


## Chantellabella

> So if a cat deckded to watch netflix qith a giraffe in tasmania whilst eating popcorn \nd pineapple...what would happen?



Girl, what you been drinking? You missed a bunch of keys there. 

Sort of like my muscle relaxer posts.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

Enerforce negotiated and neglected truths of a refined rock talking about his sister being homeless   ::(:

----------


## Sagan

Oh and...
.

----------


## Skippy

> So if a cat deckded to watch netflix qith a giraffe in tasmania whilst eating popcorn \nd pineapple...what would happen?



Same thing that happens if you eat ice cream under a pink doorway between the hours of 11am-2pm:  The entire are in a 80.3329 mile radius will be covered in a thin layer of lime jello.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Enerforce negotiated and neglected truths of a refined rock talking about his sister being homeless



I'm not sure how to respond to that. 


I mean seriously. I can't tell whether you're serious or not.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Oh and...
> .



I can however, respond to this..............


OMGosh! You're right! I never saw that before.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Same thing that happens if you eat ice cream under a pink doorway between the hours of 11am-2pm:  The entire are in a 80.3329 mile radius will be covered in a thin layer of lime jello.



But what if said ice cream is strawberry? Does the equation add up to lime or would it be more of a lemon variety?

----------


## Skippy

> But what if said ice cream is strawberry? Does the equation add up to lime or would it be more of a lemon variety?



It's always lime jello....cuz lime jello is evil and has a mind of it's own.

----------


## Chantellabella

> It's always lime jello....cuz lime jello is evil and has a mind of it's own.



Agreed.


I mean, you really have to wonder what was going through the inventor's mind when you produced the first lime jello blob.

Did he say, "My my! That looks tasty!"

----------


## Sagan

> I'm not sure how to respond to that. 
> 
> 
> I mean seriously. I can't tell whether you're serious or not.



My sister IS actually homeless. I do all I can for her. Give her money, buy her motel rooms to get out of the cold. Take her out to eat. But I can only do so much. She needs to take steps help herself. I have never been homeless, but I know how hard it is. I am not that well off financially. But I am doing all I can to help.

----------


## Chantellabella

> My sister IS actually homeless. I do all I can for her. Give her money, buy her motel rooms to get out of the cold. Take her out to eat. But I can only do so much. She needs to take steps help herself. I have never been homeless, but I know how hard it is. I am not that well off financially. But I am doing all I can to help.



Hey, then you're the guy I need to talk with. In 17 days I'll be homeless.  ::):  Yep, I mean it. My house sold and I don't have a home to go to. I don't want to get an apartment or house because I presently don't have a job and so I don't know where I'll end up.  I figure I'll be sleeping on a few couches, and hopefully I can find some temporary homes for my cats to stay, but I'm going to be pretty rootless soon. 

At least in my case, it's a step up in the homeless world. I have a car this time and finances for when I do get a job. So you guys put some good vibes out in the u-verse and encourage peeps to give me a job as a librarian or a counselor ok? 

I guess I can always buy a camper and me and the cats could go out on the open road. Believe me, that thought has crossed my mind a few times.

----------


## Sagan

My dear Cindy. How I wish I was in a position to give you all you need. A roof over your head, Food, Shelter, Peace of mind. Unfortunately I cannot do those things for you. But I can help as I am able to. You're struggle breaks my heart as my sister is homeless and struggling to make it

----------


## Chantellabella

> My dear Cindy. How I wish I was in a position to give you all you need. A roof over your head, Food, Shelter, Peace of mind. Unfortunately I cannot do those things for you. But I can help as I am able to. You're struggle breaks my heart as my sister is homeless and struggling to make it



You guys give me everything I need - kind hearts and a shoulder to cry on. You're there when I need to share a laugh and you listen to all my "woe is me's" when I feel scared. I promise I'll be fine. I have places to stay and God has a plan for me with a job. I believe God will provide whatever it is I need. 

But thank you, dear friend, for caring and for just being so awesome. I love having you guys here. I feel like you guys are so much closer to me than my real family. I haven't talked to my brothers in years - haven't seen them in years. Wish they would want to be a family. So you guys are that. My family and some really awesome friends! 

Thank you!  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

> игры для мальчиков разрушения (inserted url here)игры для девочек бесплатно скелет[/url] бесплатные игры ферма



Oh no you did not put spam on the crazy talk thread!!!!

Granted what you wrote appears to be crazy talk. Not that it's in Russian. But that you felt the need to let us know about violent Russian online games. Don't we have enough violent games in this world without you pushing that violence on the crazy talk thread???!!! 

Now I'll have to go report you. 

Sigh.

And I was just getting to think humanity had cleaned up its act.  :Sly:

----------


## Sagan

> Oh no you did not put spam on the crazy talk thread!!!!
> 
> Granted what you wrote appears to be crazy talk. Not that it's in Russian. But that you felt the need to let us know about violent Russian online games. Don't we have enough violent games in this world without you pushing that violence on the crazy talk thread???!!! 
> 
> Now I'll have to go report you. 
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> And I was just getting to think humanity had cleaned up it's act.



LOL you tell em!  ::):

----------


## Skippy

> Oh no you did not put spam on the crazy talk thread!!!!
> 
> Granted what you wrote appears to be crazy talk. Not that it's in Russian. But that you felt the need to let us know about violent Russian online games. Don't we have enough violent games in this world without you pushing that violence on the crazy talk thread???!!! 
> 
> Now I'll have to go report you. 
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> And I was just getting to think humanity had cleaned up its act.



Haha, I banned that person for spam. 

Humanity will never clean up its act at this rate....u_u

----------


## Chantellabella

> Haha, I banned that person for spam. 
> 
> Humanity will never clean up its act at this rate....u_u




But I wanted more Russian crazy talk.  ::(:  

Now I'll just have to translate it myself..........


О! Человечество!

плюс

Белки смотрят голубей с крошечными бинокль.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stable people make unstable pancakes.

----------


## Chantellabella

People are nice.

----------


## Chantellabella

People are kind.

----------


## Chantellabella

People are caring.

----------


## Chantellabella

People try to not hurt others.

----------


## Chantellabella

People are good.

----------


## Chantellabella

People can be good friends.

----------


## Chantellabella

People are unselfish.

----------


## Chantellabella

People care about friendships.

----------


## Chantellabella

People love one another.

----------


## Chantellabella

People care about others.

----------


## Chantellabella

There are no vindictive evil people in the world.

----------


## Chantellabella

There are no bad people in the world.

----------


## Chantellabella

People do not try to hurt others.

----------


## Sagan

A lot of that is _not_ crazy talk  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

> A lot of that is _not_ crazy talk



I wish you guys lived closer.  :Hug: 

Thank you, my friend.

I'll get over it. I always do, right?

----------


## Sagan

I didn't see you're 'hurt' thread till just now.  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

Standard people talk to pigeons often.

----------


## Sagan

I consider meyself a standard person. I also enjoy my conversations with various pigeons. I can relate to them, and them to me.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I consider meyself a standard person. I also enjoy my conversations with various pigeons. I can relate to them, and them to me.



While in New Orleans, I saw pigeons eating powdered sugar at Cafe Du Monde.  Just what this world needs. ... wound up pigeons on a sugar high! 

I miss you guys!

----------


## GunnyHighway

I don't like big butts and I can lie.

Wrap your head around that one.  :>:):

----------


## Sagan

*meat raffle*

----------


## Chantellabella

> I don't like big butts and I can lie.
> 
> Wrap your head around that one.



So does that mean that your girlfriend don't roll a Honda and her workout tapes ain't Fonda???!!

Oh the humanity!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> *meat raffle*



I'll take two tickets please.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on one foot while holding up a plate of spaghetti can get you arrested in Maine.

No, really! 

I'm not making this [BEEP] up!

----------


## Chantellabella

I've seen at least a dozen chickens on side the road. Funny thing is they were on the streets of New Orleans. Has New Orleanians resorted to catching and frying their own KFC now?

----------


## Chantellabella

What do you get when a cockroach is crossed with a water buffalo?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, whatever it's called.......one crossed my path today

----------


## Chantellabella

Cars are not people!!!!  Don't ever forget that!

Cats on the other hand, are.

----------


## Chantellabella

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind........

Does this mean we defriend them on Facebook? Won't they get pissed?

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach should be purple.

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of slow motion......



Wwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaattttttttt wwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaassssssss IIiiiiiiiiiiiii ssssssssssaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggggggg  ???????????????

----------


## Chantellabella

I think seagulls get a bad rap.

----------


## Chantellabella

People souffles make delightful centerpieces.

----------


## Chantellabella

What do you get when you cross a Walmart with a 7 11?

----------


## Chantellabella

Taking time out my busy schedule of doing nothing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Is it hot or cold?

I can't tell.


Somebody!!! Stick your head out the window and let me know.

----------


## Chantellabella

When an arboretum is right next to a highway, it's really mot a peaceful place. I don't care how many water fountains you put in

It won't let me edit "mot" Oh the humanity!

----------


## Chantellabella

I mot not let my chickens come visit yuooooo.

----------


## Chantellabella

Nutria rat will now be served in the cafeteria

----------


## Chantellabella

Battle stations!   

Red alert!

 Do they say "red alert" because those crew members who are wearing red tee shirts will be killed off before the first commercial? Seems like if I heard red alert, I would take the time to change my shirt to a safer color.

----------


## Chantellabella

Who decided that fries went well with burgers?

----------


## Chantellabella

Was it that scary clown with the demonic arch symbols? Or the oversized head dude with the crown? Seems like peoplewould want to run away from them rather than to listen to their meal ideas.

----------


## Chantellabella

People who say "naw" scare me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stand by your tan

----------


## Chantellabella

Stereotypical bottle tops look funny

They just do

----------


## Chantellabella

Khakis!

The fun clothes!

----------


## Chantellabella

And now for something completely normal..........


Sponge mops

----------


## Chantellabella

It's really all about the triglycerides

----------


## Chantellabella

Why does one call one's under arms "pits?" 

They are more like smelly caverns.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ooo ahhhh oooo ahh ahh

Ting tang walla walla bing bang

Oooo eeeeee oooooo ah ah

Ting tang walla walla bing bang

By Shakespeare

----------


## Sagan

CrazyTalk Animator 2

Mix & match to create multi-dimentional CharactersInstantly stylize projects for different scenariosEmploy 3D motion editing for 2D charactersTurn any 2D photos into talking characters

----------


## Chantellabella

> CrazyTalk Animator 2
> 
> Mix & match to create multi-dimentional CharactersInstantly stylize projects for different scenariosEmploy 3D motion editing for 2D charactersTurn any 2D photos into talking characters 
> [/L



We don't need help in Crazy Talk. It comes natural. I believe it's caused by both the in-breeding of my culture and all the cayene pepper in our Cajun diet.

----------


## Sagan

I know we don't. I just saw that and thought hmmm, there's an app for that? lol

----------


## Chantellabella

I've seen it before, but I've never looked into it.  ::):

----------


## GunnyHighway

I let the dogs out.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I let the dogs out.



I knew it!!!!!!

Next thing we'll find out is that you were the second gunman on the grassy knoll! 

Man, you think you know someone  :Crossed Arms:

----------


## Rawr

That llama we saw the other day wearing the mustache hat followed me home yesterday. I took him in & call him SirTwerksALot.

----------


## Chantellabella

> That llama we saw the other day wearing the mustache hat followed me home yesterday. I took him in & call him SirTwerksALot.



Is he potty trained?

----------


## Rawr

> Is he potty trained?



I think so. He makes the most wonderful Chocolate ElTwerkalake Cake though.  ::D:

----------


## Chantellabella

But I thought Mama Llama made sugar cookies.

And I agree with Jeff Dunham's puppet....... Do we really need the two l's??!! Can't we get by with just one L in llama and Lloyd?

----------


## GunnyHighway

Watch porn with the lights on, door open, pants off, and speakers set to 11. That's how it should be done.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Watch porn with the lights on, door open, pants off, and speakers set to 11. That's how it should be done.



That's just crazy talk! Speakers should be set way higher!

----------


## Sagan

Kill a mascott with sunflowers all about it's bottom half. Them throw it into the HUdson River...

----------


## Chantellabella

> Kill a mascott with sunflowers all about it's bottom half. Them throw it into the HUdson River...



That depends on the mascot.

And well if he's deathly allergic to sunflowers.

----------


## Sagan

*Takusariartorumagaluarnerpa*

----------


## Chantellabella

> *Takusariartorumagaluarnerpa*



New species of dinosaur?


Am I close?

----------


## Chantellabella

Pigeons commonly gather at monthly meetings to discuss head hunting. 


It's quite the beautiful sport.


Ready.


Aim.



Shit.

----------


## Chantellabella

the essence of spaghetti outweighs the importance of political mayhem.

just saying.

----------


## Chantellabella

cranberry sauce and catsup do not get along.

News at 11:00

----------


## Chantellabella

the stapler is watching me

----------


## Chantellabella

stretch waaaaaayyy up high and touch the sky

stretch waaayyy down low and sniff your toes

----------


## Chantellabella

this just in......


giant asparagus eats news reporter

----------


## Chantellabella

stop! 

in the name of spuds

----------


## GunnyHighway

Sometimes I think I matter.


Hah.

----------


## Skippy

You must insist that you can fit your entire body thru a tennis racket, and when it gets stuck on you, say you shouldn't have eaten that last twinkie and leave it on for the rest of the day. Even tho you have a job interview.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Sometimes I think I matter.
> 
> 
> Hah.



You matter to me.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> You must insist that you can fit your entire body thru a tennis racket, and when it gets stuck on you, say you shouldn't have eaten that last twinkie and leave it on for the rest of the day. Even tho you have a job interview.



Should I try that on my first day tomorrow? They DID say dress business casual. I could explain that it was business casual at my last job.

----------


## Skippy

> Should I try that on my first day tomorrow? They DID say dress business casual. I could explain that it was business casual at my last job.



Haha, I dun think that'd work out too well. But the thought is funny.

----------


## Chantellabella

Scrambled egg festivals are not well attended.

----------


## Rawr

Crap! I hope I remembered to tell Aunt Barbara to not feed the giant marshmallow after Midnight. Whoops.... Think I'll retreat town now.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Crap! I hope I remembered to tell Aunt Barbara to not feed the giant marshmallow after Midnight. Whoops.... Think I'll retreat town now.



So YOU were the Staypuff Marshmallow Man murderer!

Oh wait......... 

My bad. Wrong psychotic episode.

Resume. 

*cheesy grin*

----------


## Rawr

> So YOU were the Staypuff Marshmallow Man murderer!
> 
> Oh wait......... 
> 
> My bad. Wrong psychotic episode.
> 
> Resume. 
> 
> *cheesy grin*



 :Rofl:

----------


## Sagan

Nuts. Life. life is nuts. Nuts.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Nuts. Life. life is nuts. Nuts.



I have a couple of old almonds at the bottom of my purse. 

They're not much, but they would quench that nut craving of yours.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

::):  I love you Cindy. friendly of course. Hard times I'm going through. ha was that Yoda speaking?

----------


## Chantellabella

> I love you Cindy. friendly of course. Hard times I'm going through. ha was that Yoda speaking?



Yoda speak, yes. But lessen pain, it does. 

 :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

I've chewed my fingernails to the nubs!!!


Oh the humanity!

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach! 



The chew food.

----------


## Chantellabella

Otherside, I'm cheating. 


Watch me write 20 posts in a single bound. ........

----------


## Chantellabella

Spiffy spudsmasters need stability.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh the pigeons!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Tinkerbell was a cannibal.

----------


## Chantellabella

I brush my teeth, therefore I am.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of spaghettios.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the sun rose in the west. 


I realized at that moment that I had dyslexia.

----------


## Chantellabella

Beethoven was my second cousin twice removed, once married, adopted fifth cousin on my step great uncle's side.

----------


## Chantellabella

Giant flea balls roam the countryside looking for jaywalking stationary salesman

----------


## Chantellabella

When the earth cooled, washing machines roamed the earth looking for dryers.

----------


## Chantellabella

Look!!!


I told you it happened before!!!



But did you listen?



Nooooooo!

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the pigeons ate him. 


It was quite disturbing.

----------


## Rawr

I think I misplaced my Unicorn's pigeon again. He's gonna be so pissed. ):

----------


## Chantellabella

> I think I misplaced my Unicorn's pigeon again. He's gonna be so pissed. ):



Well, I'm certainly not going to tell him. You'll have to be the one. 


I would bring a sponge mop.

----------


## Chantellabella

I want to be a spammer when I grow up.

----------


## Rawr

> Well, I'm certainly not going to tell him. You'll have to be the one. 
> 
> 
> I would bring a sponge mop.



Oh man he was pissed. He told me to go donkey a dolphin until a penguin appears. WORST INSULT EVER. ):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Oh man he was pissed. He told me to go donkey a dolphin until a penguin appears. WORST INSULT EVER. ):



Does Greenpeace know about his donkeying the dolphins? That definitely sounds like it's illegal and immoral. 

As for the penguin.......I heard he does drugs. 


Just saying.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spongebob Squarepants is NOT who he claims to be.

----------


## Rawr

> Does Greenpeace know about his donkeying the dolphins? That definitely sounds like it's illegal and immoral. 
> 
> As for the penguin.......I heard he does drugs. 
> 
> 
> Just saying.



I think you're right about that. We'll just have to settle this on The Blueflabhagard Show.

----------


## Sagan

Kill a man jar oh

----------


## Chantellabella

> I think you're right about that. We'll just have to settle this on The Blueflabhagard Show.



The Blue Flabby what show?

----------


## Chantellabella

> kill a man jar oh




e i e i o

----------


## Rawr

> The Blue Flabby what show?



A foreign show bout like Jerry Springer on the planet BlueBopBop. Pretty intense.

----------


## Chantellabella

> A foreign show bout like Jerry Springer on the planet BlueBopBop. Pretty intense.



Wait. I've spent my life trying to hitch a ride off the planet Earth to get away from Jerry Springer. Now you're telling me other planets have talk show hosts like him also???!!!

Hm.


Does anybody have a map to the next universe?  Maybe just a dimension.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of spiritual creaminess.

----------


## Chantellabella

So the talking fingers spanned out into a formation

Then the dude died

It was tragic

----------


## Lizard

It is a strange feeling to feel present and real.

----------


## Chantellabella

> It is a strange feeling to feel present and real.



Yep. That's just crazy talk! 

Besides, who wants to be real? It's way more fun to be make believe. Like I love going up to people and introducing myself as "today's hallucination." 

It's fun to watch their confusion.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Then my envelope exploded with so much force, that it knocked the old lady off her porch.

She was quite pissed.

----------


## Rawr

> Wait. I've spent my life trying to hitch a ride off the planet Earth to get away from Jerry Springer. Now you're telling me other planets have talk show hosts like him also???!!!
> 
> Hm.
> 
> 
> Does anybody have a map to the next universe?  Maybe just a dimension.



Try asking my friend that's half Penguin & Half Llama. Pretty nice fella.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Try asking my friend that's half Penguin & Half Llama. Pretty nice fella.



I asked him. btw, this is his most recent picture. 



All the rude dude did was spit at me.

----------


## L

> I asked him. btw, this is his most recent picture. 
> 
> 
> 
> All the rude dude did was spit at me.



Linda swore she wasn't pregnant

----------


## Chantellabella

> Linda swore she wasn't pregnant



Yeah, she said she was just retaining water. 

I don't believe her either.

----------


## L

> Yeah, she said she was just retaining water. 
> 
> I don't believe her either.



You don't understand - I am father to that....thing.....

----------


## Chantellabella

> You don't understand - I am father to that....thing.....



What??!!! 


Oh, yeah. I see the resemblance. 

Question.


Was the mating a bit .........um, difficult?

----------


## L

> What??!!! 
> 
> 
> Oh, yeah. I see the resemblance. 
> 
> Question.
> 
> 
> Was the mating a bit .........um, difficult?



Yeah it was a little weird.....she did some funky stuff to me, it is a little blurry......BUT WHAT THE HELL, DID SHE LAY AN EGG OR WHAT??......I need to speak to her.....

----------


## Chantellabella

> Yeah it was a little weird.....she did some funky stuff to me, it is a little blurry......BUT WHAT THE HELL, DID SHE LAY AN EGG OR WHAT??......I need to speak to her.....



I think there is a support group for you.

I know there's one for Pigeons.

----------


## L

> I think there is a support group for you.
> 
> I know there's one for Pigeons.



Can you get me her number??

----------


## Rawr

> I asked him. btw, this is his most recent picture. 
> 
> 
> 
> All the rude dude did was spit at me.



Oh goodness. Guess he's changed. Glad I found your long lost son though lasair!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Can you get me her number??



Number for the support group, "Fathers Ushering Catastrophic Kids" is 1-800-OMG-NOOO or 1-800-664-6666

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh no!!!! The crazy talk thread went to page 2!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ah! 

It feels better now.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jello bowling balls do not bode well.

----------


## Chantellabella

I saw a woodpecker today.


Why do they feel the need to drill their little brains out on power line poles?

----------


## Chantellabella

Jethro Bullfrog is not a good name for a king of England.

----------


## Chantellabella

Taking insignificant lint balls and painting them orange is NOT a good craft project for the senior citizen center.

----------


## Chantellabella

I saw a pancake.


It was embarrassed.

----------


## Chantellabella

Do trolls floss?

----------


## Chantellabella

There is no such thing as flammable spamcycles. 

Frozen spamcycles..........yes.

----------


## Chantellabella

I came


I saw


I wet my pants.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why make a brush tubular?


What's wrong with octagons? Can't they be loved also?

----------


## Chantellabella

I sewed a piece of wood onto my curtains.


It just seemed necessary.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the end, it was all for naught. 

Who is this naught?

And why are we doing everything for this naught?


I want a lawyer!

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious evening
I'm happy again


So...........the dude has to sing in the rain to be happy?
Most people are content with just singing in the shower

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind..............

Pot holders will be taxed

----------


## Chantellabella

I really thought I saw a ten foot asparagus

Turns out it was a ten foot tree that was having a bad hair day

----------


## Chantellabella

Stapling your mail to your wall is probably not the healthiest thing to do

----------


## Chantellabella

My aunt

Your aunt


We all aunt


What was I talking about?

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the tree rhino leaped out from behind the leaf and ran all the way home

----------


## Chantellabella

I wound it up


Then it's head popped off


It was quite entertaining

----------


## Chantellabella

i cant believe its not spam!

----------


## Chantellabella

insolent ice cream truck drivers should be frozen

----------


## Chantellabella

corporate clowns cannot get a break

----------


## Chantellabella

first there was one


then there were hundreds



i lost count at 2

----------


## Chantellabella

special interrogators know nothing

----------


## Chantellabella

lime toilet seat covers are spiffy

----------


## Chantellabella

ogle a pigeon



they hate that

----------


## Chantellabella

then this guy did this
after she did that
but then they said
forget it

what?
it

it what?

it. that thing.

what thing. 

you know. that thing.


oh..........that thing.


why?


because.


because why?


so that humanity can be a better place.


oh.

----------


## Chantellabella

stardate 49393.23

were on a routine mission to the far reaches of the galaxy. scotty is in a bad mood and mr sulu just made a wrong turn at uranus. spock is searching a bathroom map, trying to get us back on course to the black hole. 

scotty! how's the engines?

their not looking good captain.........somebody shoved some jello bowling balls into the warp core.

that cant be good. uhura! find out who owns jello bowling balls.

i think its the romulans, captain

*everyone looks at spock suspiciously*

third cousins!!! how many times do i have to tell you people the romulans are our third cousins!

security!! check spocks balls!

----------


## Chantellabella

10 - 9 =

9 - 10 =


ok thats the extent of my math skills

----------


## Chantellabella

speaking of kumquats..............


one is starring in the broadway hit annie.

yes. its the third kumquat from the left.

----------


## Chantellabella

spoken like a true wildebeast

----------


## Chantellabella

go is spelled geaux

unless its living on a mountaintop in new guinea

----------


## Chantellabella

horses dream of spinach

----------


## Chantellabella

taking a long letter and making it much smaller can be worth your while

a



see?

----------


## Chantellabella

lawn grasshoppers pay much lower taxes than sidewalk grasshoppers

----------


## Chantellabella

handling large badgers is not in the interest of mankind

----------


## Chantellabella

lingering linebackers cannot get a break

----------


## Chantellabella

then the train horn choked on its spit

----------


## Chantellabella

cant you see im working here?

----------


## Chantellabella

tanks!!! 


i need tanks!!!!


and lots of fountain pens!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

kittens fluff at will

----------


## Chantellabella

sparkling flea and tick killer is not a good dessert treat

----------


## Chantellabella

then the tofu said oh hell i aint eating that!

----------


## Chantellabella

captains log

stardate 799232.45322

we are being overwhelmed by a rather large smelly cat dump.  spock! readings!


it appears to consist of refried fish intestines captain


cant you flush out the smell spock?


negative captain. its already started to disintegrate the hull. 



hull breach, captain!!!



yes, my eyeballs are boiling out of my head, but at least it smells better outside the ente *earth shattering kaboom!!!!*

----------


## Sagan

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

----------


## Chantellabella

> You could be happy and I won't know
> But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
> 
> And all the things that I wished I had not said
> Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
> 
> Is it too late to remind you how we were
> But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
> 
> ...



You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

Correct! For 200 pts!



On a serious note: It sounds like you're missing her pretty bad tonight. Is it a rough night? I'm sorry. I know how hard it can be. For what it's worth  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

> It's a hard night in many aspects. My grandmother died at 6:05am Tuesday from a fall and brain hemorrhage. My mother is in poor health and dying. I'll just copy my incoherent message to Koala......
> 
> Hey thanks for checking Koala! I have been going through a rough time   with my mothers health. My grandmother fell in her porch Friday hit her   head bad. There was nothing they could do for her. She died at 6:05am   Tuesday She was 83. Sheila H Smith 1931-2014 Rest in peace dear   grandmother. I have been doing a lot of grieving with family.   Distracting myself when home. I always thought she would live forever.   She had been through so much in her life. My uncle (her son) dying at 19   in a motor cycle accident. My mother almost dying and going into a  coma  when she was in college. Her grandson (my cousin) Ronson Edgerly  of  Glendora, CA being murderd over pot.... He He used medical MJ and  was  shot on 4/20. Anyhow getting off track here. Life is precious. and  time  is of the essence. I can't do anything about the past. But I CAN  do  something about the present. I have many regrets about not calling  my  grandmother enough, not being more involved in her life etc. But all   that does is hurt me in the end. My mom is in poor health. I can and   shall be there for her everyday. to make her smile, laugh, do everything   to make her as comfortable as possible. Just be there for her. That's   why I haven't posted very much recently.
> 
> Sorry this is all over the place and somewhat incoherent, like my brain right now. Take care my Koala buddy  
> 
> Thank you for the hug Cindy  back at you.



A lot of hurt, my friend.  ::(:   I'm so sorry about your grandmother. You're having to face so much right now. I know a hug won't do much. Just know that if you feel like crying or yelling, we're here to listen.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I...give...up



Don't give up, Josh.  :Hug:  You're an awesome guy and you need to keep hanging on. You have a great big amazing life ahead of you. The pain won't last. I promise.  :Hug:   :Hug:   :Hug: 

But I know it hurts right now.  ::(:  I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

----------


## Sagan

Thank you Cindy  :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

Stapling starfish is not a good idea.

----------


## Chantellabella

Woe to the dishwasher. Tis washed up.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ketchup really doesn't accept Catsup.

It's quite sad.

----------


## Chantellabella

Let's superglue people to the wall.

----------


## Chantellabella

At some point this world won't have to make any more paperclips


It's not like they go bad or break.

----------


## Chantellabella

There should be a law against saying the word, "but."

----------


## Chantellabella

Can I get a hug? 


 ::(:

----------


## IllusionOfHappiness

> Can I get a hug?



Of course you can!  :Hug:

----------


## Inscrutable Banana

> Can I get a hug?



 :Hug:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Of course you can!







> 



thanks guys.  ::(:  

I really needed a hug. 


I hate being bullied. I wish the bullies of this world will leave me alone.  ::(:

----------


## Chantellabella

Are all pirates in pain? 

I mean, they say, "Arrgh!"

maybe their shoes are too tight.

----------


## Chantellabella

Step one


Squish two

----------


## Chantellabella

spinach is not a good option for finger food

----------


## Chantellabella

Captains log


Stardate 48499.3


We are entering Romulan space without a Visa.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock!! What's that blip in the far right corner of our really big [BEEP] window?

----------


## Chantellabella

Space bug sir!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ewww!! Scotty!! Get a red shirt guy to go out there and sponge mop it off.

----------


## Chantellabella

What is toe fungus?



Correct!!!


for 200 points

----------


## Chantellabella

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after


Seriously? Don't ya think they would entrust people who WEREN'T klutzes to go get the water?

----------


## Chantellabella

blue spelled backwards is eulb

that just doesn't have the same effect does it?

----------


## Chantellabella

pickled toe nail clippings should not be considered a delicacy.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 292929.4448

We are being vewy vewy quiet because we're in Romulan space without a Visa.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain!!! We're being hailed!!

----------


## Chantellabella

On screen!

Spock?? What are those things?

----------


## Chantellabella

I told you Captain.................hail!! 


Geesh! You never listen to me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain! A space anomaly has appeared. 

Where?


there?


Where?


right there!!!!


Where????



Oh, my bad. It was an eye floater.



Uruha! Get Bones here with some eye drops for Mr. Sulu!

----------


## Chantellabella

We have entered Romulan space and they do not seem to know we are here.

----------


## Chantellabella

Surprise!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh damn! Who tied the crepe paper streamers to the back of the Enterprise?


Everyone, act festive! They may not notice.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock! you can pass for a Vulcan with those ears. Don a mask and go over to see what they're doing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why a mask, Captain?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, you're kinda plain looking...........even for a Vulcan.

----------


## Chantellabella

I resent that Captain. On my planet, I'm considered quite handsome.

----------


## Chantellabella

How many times do you have sex with women?

----------


## Chantellabella

Once every 7 years.

----------


## Chantellabella

*silence*

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok, I get it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ensign in short skirt..................get Spock a makeup kit!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok, Captain. I'll wear the eye shadow and maybe some lipstick. But I have to put my foot down about the girdle.

----------


## Chantellabella

But Spock!! It's quite comfy.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, Captain, but my anatomy is different than a human's anatomy. I unbutton my shirt to tinkle.

----------


## Chantellabella

Really?

----------


## Chantellabella

Really.

----------


## Chantellabella

So what you're telling me Spock is everytime you pull at your shirt, you're really ..........well,.......................

----------


## Chantellabella

*R-rated scene*

----------


## Chantellabella

*back to the Enterprise*


Scotty! What's for dinner?

----------


## Chantellabella

Sigh. 


Nevermind.

----------


## Chantellabella

why do they call them gumdrops? 

did they drop them on the floor during packaging?

----------


## Chantellabella

taking out the garbage can be an intellectual experience if coupled with physics equations while dragging the can.

----------


## Chantellabella

stand down ensign!!!!


seriously? how does one stand down? seems a tad conflicting.

----------


## Chantellabella

political unrest ensues in the pigeon parlor

----------


## Chantellabella

cant believe its not lard

----------


## Chantellabella

in the interest of mankind all those individuals born in the month of august will be assigned a different month in which to celebrate their birthday.


just because.

----------


## Chantellabella

catastrophic cats crave catnip

----------


## Chantellabella

drama drama drama

----------


## Chantellabella

coughing up phlegm at dinner parties can be a real conversation starter

----------


## Chantellabella

creeping..............


creeping....................



creeping.......................

----------


## Chantellabella

STOP! in the name of starch! before it breaks your heart!

----------


## Chantellabella

candy coated shoe laces would be a hit if it were invented

----------


## Chantellabella

catalog it damn it uhura!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

mr sulu

why is mr spock crying?

----------


## Chantellabella

his pung is too far away captain

----------


## Chantellabella

chekov! get the man a blow up vulcan!

----------


## Chantellabella

stepping stones need love too

----------


## Chantellabella

colonoscopies are a hoot.............im told.

----------


## Chantellabella

plethoras of plethoras is a whole damn lot of plethoras

----------


## Chantellabella

tell the gnomes that they can go home

----------


## Chantellabella

banjos follow me often

----------


## Chantellabella

stapling ones toes to ones shoes can keep them from being lost

----------


## Chantellabella

what goes through a cats mind:


"uh"

----------


## Chantellabella

one potato

two potato

three potato

four


five potato

six potato


seven tators more



ok.

----------


## Chantellabella

puff the magic dragon 

lives by the sea


something something something something


in a land called honalee???

honeylee?


honeybee??

----------


## Chantellabella

kindly take your arm pit hair off the dining room table

----------


## Chantellabella

staying power?


is that opposite of going weakness?

----------


## Chantellabella

cant you see im thinking spock?

----------


## Chantellabella

im sorry captain. 


its hard to tell with your toupee covering your face

----------


## Chantellabella

stardate55229292.3

we managed to get out of romulan space without being detected. bones and mr scotty dressed as belly dancers and confused the entire half of this quadrant

----------


## Chantellabella

woe to the rebel pigeon wranglers!

----------


## Chantellabella

spock!! have you heard from the klingon counsel? 

are they attending the tea party?

----------


## Chantellabella

no captain. they sent their regrets.

----------


## Chantellabella

damn it!! shields up!! full ton torpedos!!!


NOBODY stands me and my tea parties up!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

i think therefore i may or may not have a brain.


not sure.

----------


## Chantellabella

closet armadillo meetings can be a dangerous gathering

----------


## Chantellabella

tennis elbow?


what about badminton ankle?? 


much more stupid.

----------


## Chantellabella

end is all there is when the beginning refused to cooperate

----------


## Sagan

Show off you bear knobs with springtime nano particles

----------


## Chantellabella

> Show off you bear knobs with springtime nano particles




Show off my bear knobs????!!!!! It's that indecent??

----------


## Sagan

Cindy damnit, now listen here! There are cornwailing hoofing penguins out to steal your sole! Just be careful out there!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Cindy damnit, now listen here! There are cornwailing hoofing penguins out to steal your sole! Just be careful out there!



Would sprinkling myself with holy water help?

----------


## Sagan

Unfortunately, the cornwailing hoofing penguins are immune to it.

----------


## Sagan

*If your exotic hadron lasts for more than 4 hours,	* 

*consult a particle physicist 						*

----------


## Chantellabella

> *If your exotic hadron lasts for more than 4 hours,	* 
> 
> *consult a particle physicist 						*



Ok. 


Um. Do you happen to have the number of a particle physicist?

----------


## Sagan

Particle physicist are very busy these days. Have you had an enlarged exotic Hadron for more than 4 hours? Might get quicker care in the ER room.

----------


## Sagan

I recon about a seeven ooorrr an aaaight

----------


## Sagan

Guys in loin cloths humping our left legs

----------


## Chantellabella

Standard spiffyness is essential when mingling among elite

----------


## Sagan

No that's incorrect. I'm sorry, but spiffyness has no place in the modern world.

----------


## Sagan

Yeah... sure.... You know, till the cornwall stole my cobb I could not speak. But I have found other means. Kashi. elaborate synthesis

----------


## Chantellabella

> No that's incorrect. I'm sorry, but spiffyness has no place in the modern world.



Spiffyness has no place!!! Sacrilege! 

I'll have you know that I invented spiffyness back in the 1890's. 

We had horse drawn carts, lots of horse [BEEP] in the streets, and...............spiffyness.

----------


## Chantellabella

Once upon a time, in a land far far away lived a flea. 

He was an ordinary flea. 

He lived. 

He ruled a country. 

He died. 

But not before he was able to invent time warp.

His body was shot out into space.


It was festive.

----------


## Chantellabella

adiÃ³s aplaste magdalena. que tus kumquats sean felices y sus raisinets hablar volÃºmenes de poesÃ*a japonesa a usted.

But dont repeat it.  ::):  

at least not to the pigeons.

----------


## Chantellabella

Helping along the race to 100,000 posts

----------


## Chantellabella

Tangible turtle sauce is never enough protein for the quilting club ladies

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



I think your cupcake is done. 

You might want to turn off the oven now.

----------


## Chantellabella

So Santa Claus went for a ride in the Starship Enterprise...................

Spock! Who's that bearded gentleman standing next to my chair?

I believe it's a mythical creature called Santa Claus.

Report!

Early something century some dude named St. Nicholas went crazy, dressed in all red, climbed up on people's roofs and jumped down their chimney, giving gifts to everyone. When he finally got out of the insane asylum, he discovered that the world decided they liked his psychotic episode and deemed it a yearly holiday tradition.

That's preposterous, Spock! Scan him for weapons, Lieutenant  Worf.

Sir? Why is Mr. Worf on the Enterprise? He doesn't join Starfleet for another dozen or so years. He's a new generation kind of guy (or werewolf).

Mr. Sulu! Find out why Lieutenant Worf and Santa Claus are on the bridge. 

What bridge, Captain?

This bridge. The bridge of the Enterprise.

I don't see a bridge. We're in space, sir. There's no body of water. 

Mr. Chekov! Remove Mr. Sulu from the bridge for stupidity and then remove Lieutenant Worf for being out of dimension and remove Santa Claus because he has on a red shirt and he'll probably be killed before the first commercial anyway.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kind antelope are this year's rage in fashion statements.

----------


## Chantellabella

Anchors away my boy
Anchors away

La la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la


How does that go?

----------


## Chantellabella

Tinkerbell made me do it!

Damn Disney Fairy!

----------


## Chantellabella

stop! In the name of pudding!

----------


## Chantellabella

Tangled telescopes make magnified babies

----------


## Sagan

Cookies

----------


## Keddy

> So Santa Claus went for a ride in the Starship Enterprise...................



Hahahaha! It was too long for me to quote the whole thing, but this story you wrote had me dying! xD 
Haha! I love it.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Cookies



That's just crazy talk.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hahahaha! It was too long for me to quote the whole thing, but this story you wrote had me dying! xD 
> Haha! I love it.



 :Razz:

----------


## Chantellabella

Into the starch, the squirrel crept. 

then he was mistaken for a powdered doughnut

----------


## Chantellabella

Humanity is busy.

If you'd like to leave a call back number call 555-oh!-shit

----------


## Chantellabella

Judging by the way the sheep looked, I'd say he was suspecting creaminess to commence immediately.

----------


## Chantellabella

then the garden gnomes attacked the squirrels.

It was pretty funny actually.

----------


## Chantellabella

When the badgers started walking funny, we knew the world was coming to an end.

----------


## Chantellabella

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, just one............but the bulb has to want to change.

----------


## Sagan

Sail!!! Sail!!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Sail!!! Sail!!



Row!! Row!!!


Or are you talking about a markdown at Macy's and you're not too good at spelling?

----------


## Chantellabella

It was a dark and stormy night.

The air was filled with mystery and the smell of Old Spice burned my nostrils.

I was in.....................



The Parking Zone!

----------


## Chantellabella

Pillows everywhere! Pillows!

----------


## Chantellabella

Post offices are the pox of humanity.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then they caught the badger under the sofa.

It was quite the festive and lovely evening.

----------


## Chantellabella

1 pickle
2 pickle
3 pickle
4

5 pickle
6 pickle
7 pickle

snore

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Jones, how do you plead?


Stupid, your honor. Just plain stupid.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then they stood on the edge of the precipice and contemplated the stitching of their underwear.

----------


## Chantellabella

It was an exciting moment.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 3958500.22

We are parked outside the Romulan neutral zone, waiting for the 100,000 post to commence. 

Spock! Report!


Sir, we seemed to have come to a standstill. I see no life. No moment. No big balloons.

Can we send a signal? Open a channel, Uhura!

Aye sir.


Enterprise to cyberspace. This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. We are on a 5 year mission to get to the 100,000 post and none of you seem to have made it to the party yet. don't make me get diva on yer asses!


Captain! I see some life.......................

----------


## Chantellabella

Nope. It was just a space hiccup. Sorry for the interruption, Captain.

Spock! Hail the Klingons.


Spock to Klingon Warbird. Are you there?


If you would like speak in English, press 1.
If you'd like to speak in Klingonese, press 2
If you need directions to the Klingon homeworld, press 3

*presses 1*

If you need us to blow up some puny planet, press 1
If you need a reference for a job, press 2
If you want us to come to your party and grunt incoherently, press 3

*presses 3*

If you want us to show up in a happy mood, press ha! ha! you got to be kidding!
If you want us to show up in a pissy growling mood, press 2

*presses1*

I'm sorry, but that was the wrong number. Goodbye.

----------


## Chantellabella

The earth will crack apart in 3..........2................1..................

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 39494948.225

There's only 4 posts left, Captain. What should we do?


Red Alert!! Full ton torpedoes ready!! Fire!!!!

----------


## Keddy

> How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
> 
> Well, just one............but the bulb has to want to change.



LOL! Cindy, you crack me up  ::

----------


## Chantellabella

> LOL! Cindy, you crack me up




Now THAT'S crazy talk!!

You're way too far away for me to break you.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

A raccoon is living in my attic.



No, really!


I'm quite disturbed about it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Drip

Drip


Drip


Drip



Drip


Drip



Drip

----------


## Chantellabella

See, Cheddar is this mouse puppet at work. 


He's fairly decent. Well, in terms of mice.


He's just very sensitive.


I think he thinks I bully him. 


I don't bully him.


I just want him to not depend on me so much to speak.

----------


## Chantellabella

Meow.


Meow meow


srip srip


(cat speak)


I have no frickin clue what they're trying to tell me.

----------


## Chantellabella

So this woman was crossing the street and looked both ways. 


Ok, I forgot where I was going with this.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sponges are our friends.

----------


## Chantellabella

The next president will have a certain creaminess about him or her.

----------


## Chantellabella

You're reached the suicide hotline. 


Stand on one foot.


Then press 8.


Wait for the beep and press 2.


Howl at the moon and wait 10 more seconds.


Then hang up and never call back.

----------


## Chantellabella

Catsup is made with only the finest cats.

----------


## Chantellabella

in the interest of mankind grinding up small children in a blender is disallowed.

----------


## Chantellabella

the itsy bitsy spider when up the water spout
down came the rain and washed the spider out
out came the sun and dried up all the rain 
and the itsy bitsy spider 
went up the spout again

seriously? did the song writer have nothing better to write about?

----------


## Chantellabella

snorting cheeseballs can be hazardous to your health

----------


## Chantellabella

see this pigeon ate this kumquat and exploded.

not sure why.

im not good at biology questions.

----------


## Chantellabella

the congressional committee decided to up the prozac level in their coffee pots

----------


## Chantellabella

are you ready for this?

----------


## Chantellabella

what?

----------


## Chantellabella

nope. forgot what this was. 

my bad.

----------


## Chantellabella

put your right hand in
take your right hand out
put your right hand in
then you shake it all about

again...................nothing else to write about for a song?

----------


## Chantellabella

how about this for song words................



my dog ate his food
he thought it was good
then he licked his balls
to tell me he loved me

----------


## Chantellabella

is there no hope for the armadillos?

----------


## Chantellabella

i wasnt sure of the entire concept of scotch tape 

until i actually used it


now i see the light

----------


## Chantellabella

star light
star bright
first star i see tonight

i wish i may
i wish i might
understand why your getting so fricking bigger.......................AHHHH!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

et ils vÃ©curent heureux pour toujours

----------


## Sagan

That's just crazy talk happily ever after pht.  :Tongue:

----------


## Chantellabella

> pht.



pro hockey talk?

pigeon health therapy?

pillage heathens tonight?

am I close?

----------


## Sagan

Close. But no carbonated incendiary device.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Close. But no carbonated incendiary device.



That would be a CID right?

----------


## Sagan

Well as Buzz Lightyear would say:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Well as Buzz Lightyear would say:




Two crazy 8 balls and a knocked over V8 juice can? 

Sagan, it's getting oh so foggy.

----------


## Sagan

To Inanity and beyond......!...?

----------


## Sagan

Hey! this is the cazy talk thread! looking for any meaning in it breaks the rulz!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hey! this is the crazy talk thread! looking for any meaning in it breaks the rulz!



But crazy talk has lots of meaning. It basically says, "Screw you, world! I'm not conforming to your standards of what's acceptable to speak."

Look how much freedom the people who stand on the corner and hurl insults at people have.

----------


## Sagan

Ok well than. Gushy has the worst breath in all of Klobberville!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Ok well than. Gushy has the worst breath in all of Klobberville!



and armpit sweat can be used as furniture polish. 

see? 

just do enough crazy talk and nobody expects sanity to fall out. quite refreshing.

----------


## Kesky

I toward left near noon in some mouse yesterday.

----------


## Sagan

Luke Luck Takes Licks in Lake That Luke Luck's Duck Likes. 
Luke Luck's Duck Takes Licks in Lake That Luke Luck Likes.

----------


## Chantellabella

> I toward left near noon in some mouse yesterday.



But what if the mouse was more a futuristic mouse who towarded right instead? And what if it was 2 am rather than noon?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Luke Luck Takes Licks in Lake That Luke Luck's Duck Likes. 
> Luke Luck's Duck Takes Licks in Lake That Luke Luck Likes.



Like. 


 ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Rainbows and chickens scare me.

----------


## Member11

> Well as Buzz Lightyear would say:



It took me a moment to get that  :XD:

----------


## Chantellabella

Where is our Star Guy? Haven't seen him around in awhile. We miss you, Sagan.

And that ain't crazy talk.

----------


## Chantellabella

Pea gravel does not go good in soup.

----------


## Chantellabella

I raise my hands up
I put my hands down
Up
Down
Up
Down
Up
Down
Up 





I'll bet your brain went "down."

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 550503999.22

We're skirting the neutral zone because the last time we were in this part of town, Scotty dropped his cell phone.


Report Spock!


So far the neutral zone seems pretty quiet, Captain. The only people we even passed was that lady pushing a space shopping cart. 

Good. Let's keep it that way.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain! I am picking up a signal!

Put it on screen Chekov!



Captain! Vat's no moon its a space station!


Shields up! Red alert!

----------


## Chantellabella

they're hailing us Captain!


Well put the hail storm umbrella up, damn it! Why do I have to keep telling you guys this?



No, Captain, they are _calling_ us. 


Oh. I knew that. On screen.

----------


## Chantellabella

President Obama's face appears.


Egad! Who is that!?? 


21st Century United States president Captain. Our records indicate that people tried to impeach him but he was out playing golf and couldn't be reached.


Well, what is he doing in our time? Shouldn't he be dead by now? 


Well, yes, he would be several hundred years old to _really_ be here, Captain. He must be a space anomaly. Sort of like a black hole out in space. 

He's hailing us.

Damn it, people! Why don't we have rain shutters or something?

I mean he wants to talk to us, Captain.


Oh. My bad.

----------


## Chantellabella

Uh. Hello? Anybody home?



I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. Who are you?


I am Obama,  the ghost of presidents past.


Well, "Sir" why is your head floating out in space? 

I'm not quite sure, Captain. I was speaking at a boy scout conference and then suddenly my head seems to have been transferred to outer space. I've been trying to find my body and get back to earth for a very long time now. What year is it?


It's 23 something something or other. Not sure of the exact date because we have so many time travel and space time continuum episodes that a person can get lost.


I see. Do you get lost often?


Yes. Quite regularly actually. See Mr. Sulu here follows this little blinking light and well, sometimes it's just a fly walking around. 


Hm. Tell you what, Captain Kirk. I'll catch the next starship. 


Suit yourself. *whispers to Spock .......I don't know how he's going to catch anything, he's only a floating head. Maybe he can grab it with his teeth or something.*

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain's log:

Well, we left Obama to fend for himself and took a right turn at the last satellite. 

Our 5 year mission sucks.

----------


## Keddy

> Where is our Star Guy? Haven't seen him around in awhile. We miss you, Sagan.
> 
> And that ain't crazy talk.



No, it isn't crazy talk at all... I miss him too  ::(:

----------


## Sagan

Starman has returned.  :Hug:  I just needed a little break. Just had to throw some chaos into some order. Oh look what a pretty cloud. It has the shape of a coralmac reign insignia of Cyanocobalamin. Hmm Oh wait it's changing into a flock of Glucoronolactone. Crap! take cover!!!

----------


## Sagan



----------


## nothing

In Anxiety Space, no one can hear you scream

----------


## Chantellabella

> Starman has returned.  I just needed a little break. Just had to throw some chaos into some order. Oh look what a pretty cloud. It has the shape of a coralmac reign insignia of Cyanocobalamin. Hmm Oh wait it's changing into a flock of Glucoronolactone. Crap! take cover!!!



Glad you're back, my friend.

Is the chaos theory really chaotic? 

Just wondering.

----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Look! A pumped up sword!

Or a pregnant sword. 


I guess it depends on its gender.

----------


## Chantellabella

> In Anxiety Space, no one can hear you scream



Yes, but they _can_ hear the pigeons singing show tunes.

----------


## Sagan

SO who remembers thew Y2K Scare? I remember my grandmother had a underground shelter in the mountains here in SO Ore. with food,water and supplies out the butt. Course it turned out to be nothing. so my mom and I were always getting food baskets. now these wheren't the usual food baskets we got. these were my grandmas food!. oh well. turned out ok. in the end  ::):

----------


## Sagan

> Look! A pumped up sword!
> 
> Or a pregnant sword. 
> 
> 
> I guess it depends on its gender.



It's pregnant  :]:):  


 ::D:

----------


## Chantellabella

> SO who remembers thew Y2K Scare? I remember my grandmother had a underground shelter in the mountains here in SO Ore. with food,water and supplies out the butt. Course it turned out to be nothing. so my mom and I were always getting food baskets. now these wheren't the usual food baskets we got. these were my grandmas food!. oh well. turned out ok. in the end



I want relatives who build bomb shelters. That's so cool!

----------


## Sagan

Well I was quite young while all of this was happening. Don't remember too much. Was staying up with a friend waiting for the power to go out at 00:00:00 PST and NOTHING happened! what a surprise! lol So my phone went ringing at this point. I had no phone back then I had to have been about 14 years old. My mother was calling to make sure we were alright and if we needed any supplys. Supplys? imm no I'm right next door we have power everything if fine. Just a strange evening/night to say the least.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Well I was quite young while all of this was happening. Don't remember too much. Was staying up with a friend waiting for the power to go out at 00:00:00 PST and NOTHING happened! what a surprise! lol So my phone went ringing at this point. I had no phone back then I had to have been about 14 years old. My mother was calling to make sure we were alright and if we needed any supplys. Supplys? imm no I'm right next door we have power everything if fine. Just a strange evening/night to say the least.



How funny was that. The only rumor I ever heard was that the planes would fall out of the sky and we wouldn't be able to google YouTube videos of people failing in parkour.

----------


## nothing

> How funny was that. The only rumor I ever heard was that the planes would fall out of the sky and we wouldn't be able to google YouTube videos of people failing in parkour.



You were watching YouTube videos in 2000? hmmm...

----------


## Otherside

Damn, the internet in 2000. God, dial up was so slow.

And today I complain about a ten second wait between clicking a link and loading the page. Ha ha.

----------


## Chantellabella

> You were watching YouTube videos in 2000? hmmm...



:-)  During those days our YouTube was called "Let's see if we can get Mario to move up and down in front of a  video camera." 

Do you guys realize that I remember black and white TV? The only computers were those ones in B movies where the entire wall had blinking lights and sciency sounds. Only really smart and rich people had really big "hand held computers." And our phones were connected to the wall with a cord that would only go so far.

----------


## Sagan

I had a tv once. It ate my brother one morning over 60 years ago. I'm still mortified to this day. Dem thar tv's are the evil!

----------


## Chantellabella

> I had a tv once. It ate my brother one morning over 60 years ago. I'm still mortified to this day. Dem thar tv's are the evil!



Did you tell the toaster??!! I'm sure he would have thought that was awful.

----------


## Sagan

No actually I was attacked by that very toaster 4 years later. My fingers and later my arm, also my nipple were burnt so very badly. I had to destroy it with a sledge hammer. Never used a toaster since. damned things are of the EVIL!

----------


## Chantellabella

> No actually I was attacked by that very toaster 4 years later. My fingers and later my arm, also my nipple were burnt so very badly. I had to destroy it with a sledge hammer. Never used a toaster since. damned things are of the EVIL!



I agree that toasters are evil. Think about it. You innocently put 2 slices of bread in the slots and next thing you know, the bread has been burned to death. It's all very mysterious too. You never actually see the murders. It's like you walk away for a second and come back to smoke and black.

----------


## Chantellabella

String theory had me tied up until I wedged out the knot.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ah! The slide!!!! 


Oh. My bad.


It was only a swing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Chickens can be quite entertaining when you get them clucking about their breasts.

----------


## Chantellabella

I once went on a mission to another planet.



I forgot to take pictures though. 


Darn.

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



And I'm not a tiny cactus.


But I believe in you too.  ::): 

 :Hug:

----------


## Sagan

Awww I believe in you as well Cindy.   :Hug:  We can both do the thing. err that sounds weird

----------


## Chantellabella

> Awww I believe in you as well Cindy.   We can both do the thing. err that sounds weird



Yep. Square dancing will be fun.  ::):  


That IS what you meant right? Just kidding. 

I knew what you meant.

----------


## Chantellabella

Slobbering buffalo make great conversation pieces.

----------


## Chantellabella

My grandmother is first cousins to my ex's grandmother. 

Not crazy talk..................just a tad crazy and true.

----------


## Chantellabella

Tenacious tadpoles grow legs much faster than lazy ones.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't see beyond my eyeballs.

----------


## Chantellabella

Feet.


The chew food.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't you see I'm trying to perpendiculate here?

----------


## Chantellabella

A + B = Z and sometimes Y, but only on a Tuesday when it's overcast

----------


## Sagan

Choreographed massage chairs

----------


## Chantellabella

> Choreographed massage chairs



What is synchronized solo swimming?


Correct!

For 200 points.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not always about the seaweed.

Really, it isn't.

----------


## Chantellabella

I was talking to the air and the air said, "huh?"

----------


## Chantellabella

If you pick up a dust bunny, two will grow in its place.

----------


## Chantellabella

Frozen buffalo make great centerpieces. 

Hey! Speaking of centerpieces, where's our local taxidermist been?

----------


## Chantellabella

I hate Skype

----------


## Chantellabella

I need to call random people on the phone and ask them to adopt me.

----------


## Chantellabella

I don't think I've ever met a sit-down comedian.

Oh, I take that back. Steven Wright sits down.

----------


## Chantellabella

Closet gnomes are the worst.

----------


## Chantellabella

My life is a wardrobe malfunction. Things popping out at inopportune times.

----------


## Sagan

> My life is a wardrobe malfunction. Things popping out at inopportune times.



Umm  :Snack:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Umm




LOL!

----------


## Sagan

I am for have now drink time with the apple slice and pizza. Pizza!!!! that's it the damn pizza stole my apple. What a horrible thing to do *cry*

----------


## Daniel C

But well, even when you lose, you still win, in some respects. Winners never experience that deep and profound emotion, that sense of seeing the world and all that dwell on it and everything that might happen, of having it within an arm's reach and then feeling it all slip away. Winners see only one dimension, the one that is real, whereas losers see all the infinite dimensions in which they might have won. How much richer is the loser's eye, how much more replete his gaze through the many dimensions that could have been? There is a dimension in which the voting booths did actually function properly and Al Gore did win the 2000 elections. There is a dimension in which the dice did roll differently during that godforsaken Risk game in that godforsaken village somewhere on Crete back in 2010. There is a dimension in which Arjen Robben managed to squeeze that last ball past the Argentinian keeper in the 91st minute. There might even be a dimension in which all three happened, though this seems a little much to ask, even from a multiverse perspective. 
The questions are not to be dealt with except with the assistance of a cup of tea (preferably English breakfast), a peach or, in exceptional cases of emergency, a banana, and a Spotify playlist containing at least 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash, 'Wish you were here' by Pink Floyd and the Mondscheinsonate by Beethoven. 'There is a light that never goes out' by the Smiths and Rachmaninov's Vocalise are recommended, though not mandatory. Inheriting the earth is like standing in front of an Italian ice-cream shop with too many favours. Even abundance requires some degree of creativity.

----------


## Sagan

^  ::

----------


## Chantellabella

> I am for have now drink time with the apple slice and pizza. Pizza!!!! that's it the damn pizza stole my apple. What a horrible thing to do *cry*



I think you should bake it. That'll teach it to mess with your apple.

----------


## Chantellabella

> But well, even when you lose, you still win, in some respects. Winners never experience that deep and profound emotion, that sense of seeing the world and all that dwell on it and everything that might happen, of having it within an arm's reach and then feeling it all slip away. Winners see only one dimension, the one that is real, whereas losers see all the infinite dimensions in which they might have won. How much richer is the loser's eye, how much more replete his gaze through the many dimensions that could have been?



This is actually very profound. I do think we need mermaids though. I kinda liked Atlantis.  ::):  





> There is a dimension in which the voting booths did actually function properly and Al Gore did win the 2000 elections. There is a dimension in which the dice did roll differently during that godforsaken Risk game in that godforsaken village somewhere on Crete back in 2010. There is a dimension in which Arjen Robben managed to squeeze that last ball past the Argentinian keeper in the 91st minute. There might even be a dimension in which all three happened, though this seems a little much to ask, even from a multiverse perspective.



In another dimension I own an island. It's covered by a glass dome that has tiny pinprick holes for the rain. The dome reaches to the bottom of the ocean so sharks can't come close to the beach. Only safe people.............people that I love live on this vast island. We use a helicopter when we need food.

I live high atop a cliff............over looking the vast ocean. My home is three fold. It starts with a thatched hut. This is connected to a giant stone castle. Then the castle is connected to huge mountain caverns. 

That's my other universe.






> The questions are not to be dealt with except with the assistance of a cup of tea (preferably English breakfast), a peach or, in exceptional cases of emergency, a banana, and a Spotify playlist containing at least 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash, 'Wish you were here' by Pink Floyd and the Mondscheinsonate by Beethoven. 'There is a light that never goes out' by the Smiths and Rachmaninov's Vocalise are recommended, though not mandatory. Inheriting the earth is like standing in front of an Italian ice-cream shop with too many favours. Even abundance requires some degree of creativity.



Bon Jovi is on my playlist. That and sweet tea.  ::): 

It's good to see you writing on the crazy talk thread again, my friend.

----------


## Harpuia

I'm going to go see a gluten-free bakery tomorrow.  This ought to be fun.   ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> I'm going to go see a gluten-free bakery tomorrow.  This ought to be fun.



That is DEFINITELY crazy talk!! 

Naw!

I find that even though I can eat things with gluten, I feel better when I stick to the gluten-free stuff.

----------


## Harpuia

Got any idea at what I should look for?  I'm looking for treats to go back to work.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Got any idea at what I should look for?  I'm looking for treats to go back to work.



I eat raw fruits and vegies, so the word snack isn't too exciting in my world.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

Hardy har har! Get into my car!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Hardy har har! Get into my car!



LOL!!!!

What kidnappers should not say when attempting to kidnap someone.

Correct! For 200 points.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kumquats and rainbows and kittens with chiggers
Skydives and mufflers and pancakes with boogers
Coffee ground leavings all tied in a string
These are a few of my favorite things.

----------


## Monowheat

> Kumquats and rainbows and* kittens with chiggers*
> Skydives and mufflers and pancakes with boogers
> Coffee ground leavings all tied in a string
> These are a few of my favorite things.



Kittens with chiggers?!? Aren't chiggers those things that burrow under your skin and lay eggs? Or am I confused, as usual...

Poor kitties! D:

Also, do you cook your boogers with the pancakes or add it as a garnish?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Kittens with chiggers?!? Aren't chiggers those things that burrow under your skin and lay eggs? Or am I confused, as usual...
> 
> Poor kitties! D:
> 
> Also, do you cook your boogers with the pancakes or add it as a garnish?



Depends on the color of the booger. If it's a nice greenish yellow, then I use it for garnish. The brown ones go better with eggs and pancakes. Especially if you fry them.

And yes, chiggers are those nasty little things.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

The pigeon meeting will now come to order.

Coo

Meeting adjourned.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Question. 

Isn't anyone concerned that the author of this was getting beaten with sticks and stones?

----------


## Chantellabella

A plethora of pythons partied in the pansy patch.

----------


## Chantellabella

Candy flavored shoe polish............... 

Yum.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't you see the moon is trying? 

Geesh!

----------


## Chantellabella

Tanking on the canaries of specialness.

----------


## Chantellabella

Canned toe cheese can be a delicacy if sauteed with the right amount of Goda.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ooo! The catsup bottles are uprising!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticking!

Sticking!!


Sticking!!!!



(putting 2 cent stamps on an envelope with today's postage rate (which I recently did...........had 15 stamps on that booger.)

----------


## Chantellabella

Whales who roll in clovers leave skid marks on swimmers.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ten feet tall................4 feet wide.
Poptarts for the Gods.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cauliflower..............the chew food.

----------


## Chantellabella

Polyester underwear ..............what the latest fashion nerds are wearing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stained glass can openers..................not so useful.

----------


## Monowheat

Whipped cream. The cream that didn't behave.

----------


## GunnyHighway

I like the word, dingus. It's not used enough in my day-to-day vocabulary. I must call more people this.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Whipped cream. The cream that didn't behave.



LOL!

----------


## Chantellabella

> I like the word, dingus. It's not used enough in my day-to-day vocabulary. I must call more people this.



Is that the thing that hangs at the back of your throat?

----------


## Chloe

I don't know what it's called but have you ever had an itch on that omg I had one once caught myself in the mirror D: not a pretty look

----------


## Chantellabella

> I don't know what it's called but have you ever had an itch on that omg I had one once caught myself in the mirror D: not a pretty look



One should never look in the mirror when doing anything weird. Including while you brushing your teeth.

----------


## Chloe

Haha learnt that lesson the hard way. I've never ha a problem looking in the mirror and brushing my teeth why what do you do when you brush your teeth that makes it so horrifying ?? 0.0

----------


## Chantellabella

> Haha learnt that lesson the hard way. I've never ha a problem looking in the mirror and brushing my teeth why what do you do when you brush your teeth that makes it so horrifying ?? 0.0



I close one eye and foam at the mouth.

Sort of like a rabid pirate.

----------


## Chloe

Haha arg xD

----------


## Sagan

Cricket crunch goldfish. Or rake got stuck under my helmet made out of pure antimatter of glass.  yeppers with a little pepper. Only fresh Gordon Ramsay. None of the store bought crap.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Cricket crunch goldfish. Or rake got stuck under my helmet made out of pure antimatter of glass.  yeppers with a little pepper.* Only fresh Gordon Ramsay. None of the store bought crap.*



Gordon Ramsay would approve.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, I will run for president.

Thank you for the nomination. 


I approve this endorsement. 


Oh wait.....where am I?

----------


## Sagan

*I'm only going to say this once...*


Please don't ask me to repeat it, as it should be pretty clear.

----------


## Chantellabella

> *I'm only going to say this once...*
> 
> 
> Please don't ask me to repeat it, as it should be pretty clear.




What Pi's mother says when he doesn't eat his brussell sprouts? 

Correct!

for 200 points!

----------


## Sagan

For I am the chosen. For I have spoken. Thou informs the two headed species of 2069 that they WILL retreat into their own dimension or face the consequences of an artificial spacial distortion .

----------


## Chantellabella

> For I am the chosen. For I have spoken. Thou informs the two headed species of 2069 that they WILL retreat into their own dimension or face the consequences of an artificial spacial distortion .



Why does that sound so familiar? I tried looking it up. 

If you made it up, then I'm impressed. You sound profound!  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Soooooooooo................................ I just noticed this "mentioned thing." 

If I mention my name will it work? *evil grin*


chantellabella
chantellabella
chantellabella
chantellabella
chantellabella
chantellabella
chantellabella
chantellabella

----------


## Chantellabella

Darn! 

Oh well, it was worth a try.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

Coralmack needle sack, punch in my back strikes me with this eerie sensation of transcending the sixth dimension. The unknown awaits, shall I proceed or turn back?

----------


## Chantellabella

> Coralmack needle sack, punch in my back strikes me with this eerie sensation of transcending the sixth dimension. The unknown awaits, shall I proceed or turn back?



Turn back!!! The penguins are watching!

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Good to know.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Stand tall ye mighty Sasquatch, for thy squirrel has commenced to sing.


"Oh say can you see
That big [BEEP] furry tree?"

----------


## Sagan

@chantellabella
 Hi  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> @chantellabella
>  Hi



Oh!!!! That's how you do it.


Question.


Why would somebody write it that way? Like somebody would say 
@Sagan
 University, they study black holes.



Hey, I have an idea. You know how I'm like uber competitive and how you and I have the highest post count? We could just sit here going @ for ourselves and rack up like 1,000 mentions. 

Of course, then we'd both be getting paranoid that people were talking about us.  ::):

----------


## Sagan

> Oh!!!! That's how you do it.
> 
> 
> Question.
> 
> 
> Why would somebody write it that way? Like somebody would say @Sagan University, they study black holes.
> 
> 
> ...



I like your thinking 
@chantellabella
  ::):

----------


## Sagan

> Why does that sound so familiar? I tried looking it up. 
> 
> If you made it up, then I'm impressed. You sound profound!



I actually did make that up 
@chantellabella
 I was a wee bit tipsy at the time though

----------


## Chantellabella

I think 
@Sagan
 is awesome.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

And I think the science stuff of 
@Sagan
 is even awesomer.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Hey! Let's start a paranoid group. We can @people all over the place here. Seeing as we all have anxiety, everyone will get paranoid about what others are saying about us. They will go throughout the forum searching for this elusive gossiper. Paranoia will get full blown until the whole forum blows up into one giant panic attack. 

On second thought.....maybe we should just keep @ing ourselves. 


It makes us look important. 


*evil grin*

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh, 
@Sagan
.....................how is your day going?

----------


## Skippy

@chantellabella did you know, that Coochy is a word for crazy or mental. I know in USA Coochie means a certain ooother thing, but i think my family came up with the former. Like: That Chick is talkin' all Coochy like! 
We named a hybrid of weed my brother made Coochy Kush.  :XD:  Cuz it makes ya totally coochy for hours

I kinda want this funny word to spread around the world to be known as such. Because it's funny.

----------


## Otherside

:Spider: 

This thread has been spider attacked.

----------


## Chantellabella

> @chantellabella did you know, that Coochy is a word for crazy or mental. I know in USA Coochie means a certain ooother thing, but i think my family came up with the former. Like: That Chick is talkin' all Coochy like! 
> We named a hybrid of weed my brother made Coochy Kush.  Cuz it makes ya totally coochy for hours
> 
> I kinda want this funny word to spread around the world to be known as such. Because it's funny.



Hey 
@Skippy
 ...................... We say Coochy Coo all the time to babies. Well, others say that. And the babies look at them like "Whaaaattt???!!!

I just tell babies to "Grow up! What? do you think we want to change your diapers forever???!!!"

----------


## Chantellabella

> This thread has been spider attacked.



How dare you 
@Otherside
.............spider attack this thread.................yes, my 
@chantellabella
  's thread .....................that I forged with my very own fingers....................yes the fingers of 
@chantellabella
..................where great masterpieces have emerged like "pigeons have feelings too."

@chantellabella
 will go get the pest control spray now so I can zap the spiders of 
@Otherside
.

----------


## Otherside

Someone found the mention function 
@chantellabella

----------


## Sagan

Bad day for me.  ::(:

----------


## Sagan

But cute little spiders are cute  ::):  @chantellabella

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> Bad day for me.



Sorry about that. Grief will come in waves which sucks.  :Hug:  my friend.

----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Definitely a cute and weird spider 
@Sagan
.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Stapling asparagus to a light pole really didn't up the wattage like I thought it would.

----------


## Sagan

Anahanahana (Madagascar) 
Zirak Kari (Afghanistan) 
Allagalla (Sri Lanka) 
Arrawarra (Australia) 
Assamassa (Portugal) 
Caraparac (Peru) 
Daba Qabad (Somalia) 
Dabababad (Iran) 
Elleyelle (Nigeria) 
Iaracarai (Brazil) 
Illibilli (Sudan)

----------


## Chantellabella

> Anahanahana (Madagascar) 
> Zirak Kari (Afghanistan) 
> Allagalla (Sri Lanka) 
> Arrawarra (Australia) 
> Assamassa (Portugal) 
> Caraparac (Peru) 
> Daba Qabad (Somalia) 
> Dabababad (Iran) 
> Elleyelle (Nigeria) 
> ...



Are these all palindromes? 

What kind of twisted mind decides that a city should be a palindrome?

----------


## Sagan

They are indeed @*chantellabella*

----------


## Chantellabella

> They are indeed @*chantellabella*



 
@Sagan
, that doesn't seem to be working anymore. I think the admins and mods got wise to our ploy. 

Oh wait..............you have 8, but I've been stuck at 5.

They're on to me. 

Recount!!!!!! Foul!!!!!! Where's my lawyer?

----------


## Chantellabella

No creatures were stirring............not even the mouse.

(because Santa set out mouse traps)

----------


## Chantellabella

Itch seaweed sweaters are all the rage.

----------


## Chantellabella

Candlelight Brussels sprouts  make lovely gift bows

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh the catsup!!!!!

Hasn't anybody seen the poor dears??!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the reindeer got stuck in the applesauce. 

It was both tragic and funny as hell.

----------


## Chantellabella

Elves smoke weed.

I caught them on my video camera

----------


## Chantellabella

Spanish pigeons and Australian kiwis make lovely throw pillows.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think I'll buy a vowel

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh Tan in Balm
Oh Tan in Balm
How very orange
you seem

----------


## Chantellabella

First it was the pigeons.
Then the drive by testimonies.

What now??
Spinach wars?

----------


## Chantellabella

Jingle Balls
Jingle Balls
Jingle all the way


Oh wait.

----------


## Chantellabella

Twas the night before cole slaw
and all through the house
not a creature was stirring

wait..................so who's making the damn cole slaw??

It needs stirring!!!!


Spock!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

yes, Captain

Nobody is stirring the coleslaw

----------


## Chantellabella

I thought Scotty was doing it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Scotty is still in yoga class.

----------


## Chantellabella

Chekov! Report!

----------


## Chantellabella

I saw Mr Scott in spandex sir. After I gouged out my eyes, I made hot cocoa.

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, who's going to make the cole slaw? I have an entire ship of Vulcans coming over for dinner. If I don't have cole slaw I'll have to actually talk to them. Ever talk to a bunch of logical, unemotional Vulcans? It makes me want to make dramatic screaming gestures and fall to my knees in slow motion agony.

----------


## Chantellabella

Uhura can make it sir.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh hell no, you did not just tell the black woman to make dinner for you, Chekov!

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh........um...........no...............I would never.............I have to go to the bathroom.

----------


## Chantellabella

Damn right you need to go to the bathroom. Go flush that stinkin thinkin right down the toilet, Russian boy.

----------


## Chantellabella

So how am I going to get cole slaw made before the Vulcans come?

Suggestions Spock?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, Captain. 

Let's put a bunch of cabbage in the warp core, wait till it heats up and blows the ship to smithereens. 

That way my in-laws won't find a trace of us.

----------


## Chantellabella

In-laws?? When did you get married Spock?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, you see, Captain. Even though Uhura wasn't allowed to even have a contract when we were first shot into space, it seems that in an alternate universe, I dated and married her. We have three lovely children.......... Spock Jr., Uhura Jr. and Ozzy Ozborne.

----------


## Sagan

Arggg

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, cat kind will take over.

----------


## Chantellabella

People are jackasses.....................

That's NOT crazy talk.

I encountered 3 of them today alone. I had to report an asst manager of Walgreens for making rude gestures at me.

I had another person cut me off twice in the same block.

I had another person say something so rude and offensive today at work. Do librarians have signs that say, "Just say whatever offensive [BEEP] that's on your mind. We accept you no matter how asinine your words are?"

----------


## Chantellabella

Pigeons should just eat people.

----------


## Chantellabella

That would solve everyone's problem

----------


## Chantellabella

Are Bluebell ice cream cows blue?

----------


## Chantellabella

First there was meatloaf.

Then the aliens came.


They ate it.

Barfed.

And left.


We were lucky this time.

----------


## Chantellabella

Is cottage cheese made out of cottages? 

Are the people still inside???!!!  :Confused:

----------


## Sagan

I shall eat all the Cottages and the people inside....Yum!

----------


## Chantellabella

> I shall eat all the Cottages and the people inside....Yum!



Well at least it will be high in fiber.

----------


## Sagan

With all of these meds. I can surely use the fiber!

----------


## Chantellabella

> With all of these meds. I can surely use the fiber!



the people would add a little protein also.

----------


## Chantellabella

d) All of the above


Correct! For 200 points!

----------


## Member11

> d) All of the above
> 
> 
> Correct! For 200 points!



Oooooo, what did I win?!  :sparkles:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Oooooo, what did I win?!



Sprinkles to throw. Yay!  :sparkles:

----------


## Liv64

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

----------


## Chantellabella

Reviving the crazy talk thread


I have been discussing doves with the pigeons
They feel the same way I do
Doves just cannot understand that making a nest in a potted plant on a patio is a bad idea
The pigeons told me that once they saw doves make a nest in an Easter basket that was left on the ground

So my question is this
Do doves and squirrels belong to the same suicide fraternity?
You know squirrel "dodge the car game"
Dove "nest where everything can get you"

You have to wonder why they are both not extinct

Surely the dodo would agree
Had they not bit the dust 

Perhaps they were also part of the fraternity

----------


## Chantellabella

I fancy a kiwi muffin


The bird, .... not the fruit kind

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of math equations, I spotted an obtuse triangle
He was hard to understand
So I erased him

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't the coconuts understand!!!!

They are so frickin hard-headed!

----------


## Chantellabella

Cashing in an avocado stock 

Now I have some real guacamole!

----------


## Chantellabella

I was asking Captain Kirk a question the other day and after waiting 30 minutes for an answer that was dramatized............very................slowly..  ............with.................many.............  .....pained..................facial...............  ...........features

I forgot what I wanted

----------


## Chantellabella

Martians can take over Earth

We just don't want it

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't find my antelope!

Oh................there he is


Thought I lost him

----------


## Chantellabella

Sagan, you do realize the true reason I left, right? I wanted to give you a chance to catch up with your post count.

By now you should have 8 stars

Question........................do I really need to reach 10,000 posts to get 8 stars?

I don't have that many years left.

I AM older than the earth, you know.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm cancelling my subscription to Cereal Weekly
They just seemed kinda flakey

----------


## Chantellabella

When all else fails


Well, if all else fails, doesn't that mean that we're a success?

----------


## Chantellabella

If you can make peanut butter and almond butter

can you make armadillo butter?

----------


## Chantellabella

And then the circular saw married the sander

We were very confused

----------


## Chantellabella

I think Mars has a lovely bunch of coconuts

----------


## Chantellabella

Guacamole

First of all what the hell is a guac?

And do we really want to eat its moles?

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 56903.4

We've been up in space for over 50 years and we really should wash our uniforms

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock!

Where's Scotty?

----------


## Chantellabella

He died, sir.

----------


## Chantellabella

Seriously? When did that happen?

----------


## Chantellabella

When you accidentally shot him out into space while playing "what does this button do?"

----------


## Chantellabella

Egad Spock! Get him back!

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, sir, you see, the way space works is he ran out of air and imploded when you did that.

----------


## Chantellabella

But he gained some weight. Maybe he was able to hold his breath for a bit.

Mr Sulu, on screen!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir! I see Mr. Scott. He's plastered to our windshield.

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, turn it on damn it! We might be able to scrap him off. Ready the window washer cleaner!

----------


## Chantellabella

Weady sir!

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Chekov! I told you to take some speech impediment lessons!

----------


## Chantellabella

That's racist Captain! I'm Russian!

----------


## Chantellabella

Make a report, ensign. I'm too busy trying to scrap Mr. Scott off the windshield. Anybody got bug cleaner?

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain, sir! I see Mr. Spock out there in a space suit. He has something in his hand that looks like a fishing rod.

----------


## Chantellabella

Good man, Spock! Why can't the rest of you guys be as innovative as Mr. Spock!

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm a doctor! Not a space fisherman!

----------


## Chantellabella

Who asked you Bones? 

Besides, you need to be getting sick bay ready to re -inflate Scotty.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can't put his eyeballs back in! He's a pancake!

----------


## Chantellabella

Well damn it Bones, try!

----------


## Chantellabella

Anybody got crazy glue?

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir! Mr. Spock brought what's left of Mr. Scott back into the Enterprise. He's in this shoe box.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh Mr. Scott! Why..............oh........................why....  ..................were............................  .you standing........................next to that Jeffries Tube.........................when I.....................pushed......................  ....the button?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well actually, sir, I saw you push him.

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Spock! Bring Mr. Chekov to the nearest Jeffries Tube.

----------


## Sagan

Ok goodness. Well DUMB's or (DeepUndergroundMilitar MilitarBases,

SO if it  ok for me to say "lick a cak'? is ok to lick a cat? hmm

----------


## Chantellabella

> Ok goodness. Well DUMB's or (DeepUndergroundMilitar MilitarBases,
> 
> SO if it  ok for me to say "lick a cak'? is ok to lick a cat? hmm



Yes, that very secret not so secret base where they hold secret underground cat licking experiments to see how much fur they can ingest before they barf a hairball. 

It's good to have you back, sir! 

Stay away from the Jeffries Tubes.

----------


## Sagan

Ahh the Jeffries Tubes. I can tell you about the Jeffries Tubes. hot 81.6 degrees C  high humidity, much like N'awlins but at 300KM above the earth, in orbit.  The borg have taken control of deck 16. We must send a security team to deck 16 and defend the ship!!

If you encounter Enterprise crew members that have been assimilated..... feel ree to lick. lick agressively!

----------


## Chantellabella

Phasers on Kill! Oh wait. You can't kill a Borg. Can you?

Science Guy! Can you kill a Borg?


And if it's really cold in the Jeffries Tube, won't our tongues stick to them if we lick them?

----------


## Sagan

Yes our tongues will stick. But no need to lick the Borg. as long as we keep our phasers on a rotating modulation it should buy us some time..

----------


## Chantellabella

That sounds painful.

Can't we just throw Mr. Sulu at them? That would be scary enough.

----------


## Sagan

Indeed. Mr. Sulu is the solution!

----------


## Chantellabella

I wonder if crunchy bits of wicker need a song


Oh crunchy bits of wicker
You go down better with liquor
But I don't drink these days
So I'll find something thicker

Ooo! Cough syrup!

----------


## Chantellabella

Starry starry noon!

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, licking stamps will be frowned upon. One must use crazy glue and a lot of duck tape.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kansas City

New York City

Ok, where was I going with this?

----------


## Chantellabella

I think the farthest point from the center should be only as long as the shortest point.

Geometry 101

D+ graduate

----------


## Chantellabella

Rainbows and sunrise and sugar and kittens
All make you puke when you've eaten your mittens

la la la la la tied with a string
These are a few of my craziest things

----------


## Chantellabella

Judging by the size of the cricket who jumped on me, Godzilla must be around here somewhere

----------


## Chantellabella

Mars Loves Spaghetti!


But we eat broccoli



Because we're forced to



We need to have a revolt!


REVOLT!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sorry, sir! We can't have a revolt. Our battery died.

----------


## Chantellabella

Not even one volt?

----------


## Chantellabella

No sir.

----------


## Chantellabella

Farfenughen!

----------


## Chantellabella

I think chickens are extremely embarrassed because we're constantly talking about their breasts.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of a bowl of cereal......................

I ponder crunchiness

And creaminess

----------


## Chantellabella

Ten times the square root of pi sounds like a lot of pi

Definitely not a diet snack

----------


## Chantellabella

As I look around, I see buttons.

There's a B, a sideways I and a U with a line under it.


Look! A Bayou! Feels like home!

----------


## Chantellabella

How spiffy! I just found the quote button!

----------


## Chantellabella

image002.jpg

I pressed a button and it wouldn't let me get back till I uploaded a picture, so I had to draw this picture and upload it to be saved.


I'm glad I survived.


That was a close one!

----------


## Chantellabella

Coconuts.

Food for the crazy cocos.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't you see I'm trying to lick this stamp here?

Really!! 

Hrmph!

----------


## Chantellabella

Mars wants it's chocolate bars back, earthlings!

----------


## Chantellabella

I once blew up the earth.

It got better.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jello poptarts.

The food that oozes all over your toaster, then sets it on fire.

----------


## Chantellabella

Consider the chip.

----------


## Chantellabella

First there was this monolith
Standing around a field
Then spaceships appeared
It was very anti-climatic

----------


## Chantellabella

Think! 


That's it.


Just reminding you to think.

and Breathe!!!

Remember to breathe!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout................


Can't a spider just go up a waterspout without some kid singing about it?

----------


## Chantellabella

Kangaroos kick kids kindly

----------


## Chantellabella

Stationary affronts leave much to be desired among the zombie community

----------


## Chantellabella

Squishing eggrolls is never ok.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then there were 3 little pigs who went down with the house.

It was very exciting and a tad sad to watch

News at 11

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticking raw spaghetti sticks in your ears can be fatal

At least that's what wiki says

----------


## Chantellabella

Frogs really don't say gribbit

They wanted me to let the world know

----------


## Chantellabella

Jupitarians are pretty rude. They never invite the Saturnites to the crab boils

----------


## Chantellabella

Stand back!!!!


Ok, I forgot was I was protecting you from..........precipice? antelope? cereal?

----------


## Chantellabella

Why cold cuts?

Why not hot cuts?

----------


## Chantellabella

Taken aback by the outrageous senior hokey pokey tournament, I forgot to put batteries in my camera

----------


## Chantellabella

Dry!!! I said dry!!!!

geesh!

----------


## Chantellabella

Woe to the coffee maker.

----------


## Chantellabella

Tiny ringlets of spam covered the centerpiece

----------


## Chantellabella

Consider red.


Ok. It's been considered.

Next question.

----------


## Chantellabella

Starved pencil sharpeners


Correct!
For 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

I...................you...........................  ....we......................................


What?


Spock! Get Chekov a dictionary!!

----------


## Chantellabella

The rainforests had a symposium the other day and decided that chickens are the true cause of global warming

----------


## Chantellabella

Let's discuss invisibility

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't a lope eat a cantaloupe?

----------


## Chantellabella

Kiwis are fluffy



And blue


When you forget to take them out of your fridge for a year


I'm sure the animal would look that way also

----------


## Chantellabella

I was looking through the telescope the other day and spied a giant asteroid hurtling at top speed toward the earth.


I changed the channel.


Star trek was on.

----------


## Chantellabella

Consider the cicadas.

They're loud

And they tell us how hot it is outside.

In case our melting brains don't do it for us.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, Capt James T. Kirk will no longer do Priceline commercials.

----------


## Chantellabella

Tangiapahoa

I just wanted to say that

----------


## Chantellabella

First there were envelopes.

Then man was created next.

Who knew he would take a job at the post office

Ok.

That was lame.

I'm losing my crazy talk touch.

Must step it up.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why the hokey pokey?

Why not the business-like urban frenzy?

----------


## Chantellabella

Galaxies that are shaped like the Motel 6.

Correct!
For 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

Dang blasted trees! 

They're so tall and green!


I'm jealous.

----------


## Chantellabella

Concrete underwear is the new style

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't you see I'm trying to conjugate my verbs here?

----------


## Chantellabella

Close to home

Drove right past


Dang!

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 78944368.42

We've been floating around powerless for a week with no hope of being rescued by Star Fleet

Spock is on shore leave due to his pong far issue and Mr. Sulu stabbed himself with a sword while trying to open a can of tuna

----------


## Chantellabella

Uhura! Get the Romulans on speaker phone!

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, well, well...............if it isn't the great Capt James Kirk.....................floating helplessly in space

What would you like to me to do puny earthling besides laugh?

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok, Romulan smug face. I'll make a deal with you. You sell me a used warp core and I'll let you take over Cleveland.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cleveland? Why Cleveland?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, I'm not sure their NFL team has a chance in hell this year and I thought maybe if a Romulan owner gave them some incentives like "win the Superbowl or die!" ....well, they might do a tad better.

----------


## Chantellabella

We want Houston.

----------


## Chantellabella

Houston! Why Houston? 

They don't have zoning laws.

----------


## Chantellabella

Exactly! We can put a Romulan Burger Deluxe right next to Ted Nugent's house. We'd make a killing!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok! Done!

So you can just beam us over that warp core now, ok?

----------


## Chantellabella

Not so fast. 

Have you read the manual?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, I've read the manual!

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, you know...................

You DID eject your warp core when someone yelled "Anyone for a game of badminton?"

----------


## Chantellabella

I was ...............confused.

I thought they said Bad Mittens! 

See, my cat's name is Mittens and well..........................

----------


## Chantellabella

I decided you're not worthy enough for my used warp core

I'm outta here

----------


## Chantellabella

Come back!!! Come back!!

We'll throw in Dallas too!

----------


## Chantellabella

Creepy pants are just creepy

----------


## Chantellabella

Let's see...................my addiction count is 6006. If I write 660 more crazy talk posts, I will have one more 6 than the evil number. 

Do I get a prize for being uber evil?

----------


## Chantellabella

Mopping up artichokes can be a rewarding thing, but only if you belong to the pigeon's union.

If you're not a member, well, then, it just sucks. 

Now if I can only figure out where I left the penguins.

----------


## Chantellabella

May the essence of your kangaroos give you longevity and mutual sustainability!

----------


## Chantellabella

And may your homogeneous buffalo squat butterflies!

----------


## Chantellabella

No squirrel soup for you!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Darn!! What about hamster casserole?

----------


## Chantellabella

Too squeaky.

----------


## Chantellabella

My essence has lost its essence. May I borrow yours?

----------


## Chantellabella

No. I don't have any essence to spare. Try eBay

----------


## Chantellabella

Round, hairy balls of ooze attacked me just now.

----------


## Chantellabella

Did you get a picture? I mean, for the line-up.

----------


## Chantellabella

My atmosphere is being sucked up by cloudless alien life forms.

----------


## Chantellabella

Were they rogue?

----------


## Chantellabella

I launched into a rendition from Oklahoma and they imploded.

----------


## Chantellabella

Poked out an eye. See what happens when you run with nail clippers!

----------


## Chantellabella

Giant spongelike library cards ate the squirrels.

----------


## Chantellabella

Were they late? Now they must get a fine. 10,000 Rubles for you!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Smitten snot wranglers ate my poptarts.

----------


## Chantellabella

I know you must be devastated.

----------


## Chantellabella

Now how will you wrangle your snot?

----------


## Chantellabella

Don't worry. I will buy you a Bucket - 0 - Phlegm for your birthday.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jiffy Lube called. Your Lube is ready.

----------


## Chantellabella

But Godzilla isn't pleased. Send it back!

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh Grave Paperclip God in the Sky! Can't you please give the squirrels and buffalo green cards?

----------


## Chantellabella

Only the pleasant ones.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes. Rude squirrels will be shot at dawn.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spongebob is not pleased.

----------


## Chantellabella

Off with his head!

----------


## Chantellabella

Now I have to find a calculator. So many problems! Oh the humanity!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Carrot cake is fun also.

----------


## Chantellabella

Are they hairy?

----------


## Chantellabella

And creamy. With a nice lemony smell?

----------


## Chantellabella

Only the ones who did their taxes last year.

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't fund a telethon that way! Didn't you read the instructions?

----------


## Chantellabella

The instructions were in Swahili.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'll translate in Klingon.

----------


## Chantellabella

Achh wachhhh doobyacchhh splurchhhh

----------


## Chantellabella

I see. Do you think we can get that in a screenplay?

----------


## Chantellabella

As long as the unicorn dies. There must be a dead unicorn for it all to work.

----------


## Chantellabella

No problem. Dead unicorns are a dime a dozen.

----------


## Chantellabella

But what about the duocorns?

----------


## Chantellabella

Sorry. No duocorns for you!

----------


## Chantellabella

Feed them to the squirrels!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sounds good to me. What about the rest of you?

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm in. Solves my problem.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yeah. Me too.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. Then it's unanimous. Good meeting. See you next month.

----------


## Chantellabella

I move we close the meeting so I can have a movement.

----------


## Chantellabella

All in favor of having a movement?

----------


## Chantellabella

Aye!

----------


## Chantellabella

Aye!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Will you need air freshner?

----------


## Chantellabella

No. I have a lovely magnolia candle burning.

----------


## Chantellabella

Gramma Ray is bad???!!! 

I always knew she was shifty.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cess pool??!! I'll have you know I've from the finest swamp ditch.

----------


## Chantellabella

Is that why your grammar is so bad??

----------


## Chantellabella

Kumquat!!! Can you please focus on the game???!!! Geesh!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Snake!!!!! Right under your feet!!!! Snake!!! Big snake!!!!! Mean snake!!!!! 40 ft python!!!! Run!!!! 

Aw............look how cute he is. I think I'll keep him as a pet. 

I'll call him Wilbur.

----------


## Chantellabella

I do speak. 

Just not all the time.

----------


## Chantellabella

I thought I danced very well.

----------


## Chantellabella

Hey. I can make paper art. I have a ton of it in my trash can. I call it "Crumpled Up"

----------


## Chantellabella

you're a droobus!

----------


## Chantellabella

Anybody know a pied piper?

----------


## Chantellabella

I have a shovel.

----------


## Chantellabella

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Tape coins to your face with duct tape.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occassionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50. Try & convince people that you smear vaseline on the butts of your friends when they pass out.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ah! Ammunition!

----------


## Chantellabella

You think you're safe and then you find out that even the toilet tissue companies are confused and elusive.

----------


## Chantellabella

The inappropriateness alone should have gotten us nominated for an Academy Award!

----------


## Chantellabella

You know. Most people don't read their toilet paper.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not most people.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh and why are you reading toilet paper?

----------


## Chantellabella

The flea bag is my hero!

----------


## Chantellabella

Don't listen to him. He's just procrastinating presently to avoid cleaning the garage.

----------


## Chantellabella

do you ever elongate his leash? You've been having that poor man work all weekend. Let the man live a little.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ow! Ow!! She's beating me with a spoon!!!! Help!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm going to report you to the SPCA

----------


## Chantellabella

I have more spoons.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yep. Everything nominal, sir!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. Now what was I going to say?

----------


## Chantellabella

I vote argh!!!!

Or Aye!

Or yeah!!!

Sea Bass...................onward!

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh wait...........is it too late to change my mind? 

Just kidding.

----------


## Chantellabella

*blink* *blink*

Is there anything you guys want to tell me?

----------


## Chantellabella

I had "gouge my eyes out" on my calendar agenda anyway

----------


## Chantellabella

I know stuffy people.

----------


## Chantellabella

It was more than stuffy. There was so much high tech conversation going on over there, I felt like I was reading an engineering manual.

----------


## Chantellabella

And there's no squirrel attacks there.

I do miss the squirrel attacks.

----------


## Chantellabella

Speaking of squirrels...........

What's with my lawn squirrel? He's already hiding acorns. I'm going to have a whole frickin front lawn of oak trees if he doesn't cut it out.

----------


## Chantellabella

I can take him out if you want me to. It would be a great opportunity to try out my catapult.

----------


## Chantellabella

I don't want him dead. I just want somebody to talk to him. Reason with him. Tell him it's Summer and not Autumn. And show him that there's ten thousand million zillion acorns out there. He doesn't need to hoard them.

----------


## Chantellabella

I don't have a degree in squirrel psychology.

----------


## Chantellabella

Somebody! Find that squirrel some tiny earphones.

----------


## Chantellabella

I didn't say be cruel to him. Maybe we can distract him with the rabbit.

----------


## Chantellabella

There's a wild rabbit living under a bush in her front garden. Cute but deadly. It has sharp pointy teeth and can kill ya!

----------


## Chantellabella

Bring out the Holy Hand Grenade!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Anybody got the Book of Armaments handy?

----------


## Chantellabella

Bwaahhaahahahaaa!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not going to happen.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. I found the detweet and deface button. :-) Gone. 
And yes, it still notifies me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cretins. There were some defining moments in my life

----------


## Chantellabella

What Coyote? I think you may need an edit feature too.  ::D:

----------


## Chantellabella

I've been there.  So much fluff and drama wears out brain cells.

----------


## Chantellabella

Better?

----------


## Chantellabella

Who's notifying what?

----------


## Chantellabella

So what's on the agenda today? Plundering? Pillage?

----------


## Chantellabella

So what's the difference between pillaging and plundering?

----------


## Chantellabella

According to the dictionary. Pillaging means plundering and plundering means pillaging. So it's kind of a grey area I see.

----------


## Chantellabella

I haven't bought stolen goods in awhile.  ::D:

----------


## Chantellabella

we're absconding the van again.

----------


## Chantellabella

I blame the Coyote.

----------


## Chantellabella

Did you get me something? I like pretty things too. *grin*

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, we thought about getting you this really macho pirate toilet paper holder, but then we realized you being a sea creature, that it would probably frighten your bowels and then we'd be responsibility for your bowels exploding as you tightened up.

----------


## Chantellabella

See? That's what I like about you. Graphic honesty.Ever considered working in sports casting? You'd be great at blow by blow blood reports.

----------


## Chantellabella

She's insane and you don't see her questioning it.

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm not insane. You're just projecting your own insanity on others.

----------


## Chantellabella

And then the squirrels left the building.

----------


## Chantellabella

You lose.


Game over.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Penguins should not be allowed into restaurants without a tie. They go to the trouble of wearing a suit, but never wear a tie.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think the pigeons and squirrels have secret sorority meetings.

----------


## Chantellabella

The Hokey Pokey may NOT be what it's all about. 

Just saying.

----------


## Chantellabella

Blueberries are the least social of the berry families. Raspberries have the most sense of humor. 

In fact, I knew a raspberry who was once banned from the country club for spitting on people.

----------


## Chantellabella

Green socks just don't get it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of humanity, I witnessed a hummingbird resting.

----------


## Chantellabella

Question. When cats scratch fleas, does the flea just sit there to take the beating?

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm going to miss you.

----------


## Chantellabella

Consider the word "spangled."

It's such a descriptive thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cold spaghetti
We like cold spaghetti
Cold spaghetti
Stuffed with lots of sneeze

----------


## Chantellabella

The pigeons were discussing colonoscopies one day.

They voted against it.

----------


## Chantellabella

The celery was not pleased

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, Q-tips will now be made out of sticks and pissed blowfish.

We TOLD you not to put them in your ear canal!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Then Little Suzy, the big bad wolf ate Little Red Riding Hood and pooped tiny red pellets for a week.

----------


## Chantellabella

And there was much rejoicing........................



About the asparagus

----------


## Sagan

I thought we talked about bringing up the asparagus! How dare you, after being attacked repeatedly over and over by that evil green monstrosity!

 ::

----------


## Chantellabella

> I thought we talked about bringing up the asparagus! How dare you, after being attacked repeatedly over and over by that evil green monstrosity!



It paid me off to plug it.

What could I do?  :shrugs:

----------


## Chantellabella

Salad gnomes are crunchy

----------


## Chantellabella

Just when the pigeon looked under the overpass, a cow swooped by and clotheslined him

----------


## Chantellabella

When cows have meetings do they say moo a lot?

----------


## Chantellabella

Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked
If Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
Where's the peck of pickled peppers 
That Peter Picker picked?

First of all...............that's just crazy talk
Second..............who is this person demanding the pickled peppers. Like was Peter Piper the servant of said person and was made to pick pickled peppers? If I had a master that demanding, I would run off too with the pickled peppers
Third................you can't pick a pickled pepper. You pick a pepper then you pickle it. Pickled means you put it in vinegar and age it. 

humph! Peasants!

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of eternity, I got elevation sickness

----------


## Chantellabella

First there was a meeting
Then the oranges signed the petition
Someone squeezed the life out of them

Ta! Da! Orange juice for breakfast!

----------


## Chantellabella

The world is sideways.

It really is.


I measured it

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not how much you build
It's how crunchy it is that counts

----------


## Chantellabella

Common field mice can make lovely centerpieces

Of course, you have to stuff them first

----------


## Chantellabella

I tried to escape the tentacles of humanity

But I wasn't fast enough to out run it

----------


## Chantellabella

If you look through a telescope at a bright light

will you see bigger brighter light?

----------


## Chantellabella

My scrub brush hat is spiffy

----------


## Chantellabella

I claim this square inch of earth conquered

----------


## Chantellabella

If you eat enough crayons,you can make rainbows in your toilet

----------


## Chantellabella

It's very common to find bees buzzing around flowers

C's are much harder to find in gardens

----------


## Chantellabella

Camouflaged kumquats are hard to find

----------


## Chantellabella

Hark! I hear the soothing sound of a crazed drunk college kid racing down a one way street

----------


## Flakes

How do I play?

----------


## Chantellabella

> How do I play?



Just write whatever weird thing you want.

Ever heard the term, "that's just crazy talk?" Well, on this thread, crazy talk is applauded.

----------


## Chantellabella

I use this thread to just forget my worries. It's like exercise for the brain. If my brain is busy writing silly things, I don't think too hard about anything worrisome. 

So I guess that's my reason for writing on this thread. 

Laughter is one of my defense mechanisms. It really helps to just laugh sometimes. Even when it's inappropriate to laugh.

----------


## 1

0abjk23bhejkqwaehaj

----------


## Chantellabella

> 0abjk23bhejkqwaehaj




What is the formula for converting pi into keyboard strokes by several pigeons on speed? 

Correct! For 200 points!  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

Cotton candy kumquats killed my kiwi

I was quite attached to him

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of large rocks

I find that filling my conscious mind with thoughts of bookkeepers on parade is a rather soothing thought.

----------


## Chantellabella

First the centerpiece


Then the jello


What has this world come to?

----------


## Chantellabella

I was standing on a corner in Chicago about a week and a half ago, looked up, and saw no sky. 

Why is that?

----------


## Chantellabella

Turkey!!!


My bad..................


I meant to say duck

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not a bird

It's not a plane


It's super can opener!


Faster than a regular can opener and recommended by George Forman

----------


## Chantellabella

Turtles are slow

----------


## Chantellabella

Then Foux Foux said, "No way, Man. I'm not going to eat that chicken. It's green!"

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain's log. 

Stardate 45445599922.12 1/2

We've entered the neutral zone and I don't like what I see.

Klingons and Romulans dancing, braiding each other's hair, smoking hookahs together.

Spock! What kind of hell is this?

----------


## Chantellabella

Unsure, Captain. It seems like both the Klingons and Romulans have contracted some sort of happy disease. 

Fascinating.

----------


## Chantellabella

I don't like it, Spock. They didn't invite me.

Uhura, open a channel.

----------


## Chantellabella

This is Captain James T. Kirk. I am captain of the Starship Enterprise. 

Why wasn't I invited?

----------


## Chantellabella

Ach! Blurach! Cach! Slop!

----------


## Chantellabella

What?

----------


## Chantellabella

I think he was hocking up a hairball, Captain. 

Maybe I should speak for us, ok? You seem a bit dramatic over the whole not being invited thing.

----------


## Chantellabella

As you wish, Spock. But make it brief. 

And make mean faces while you're doing it.

----------


## Chantellabella

Um. Ok.

I am Spock. Second in Command of the Starship Enterprise. 

We are on a 5 (or continuing depending on who you talk to) mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man (or one, depending on what year this is) has gone before.

----------


## Chantellabella

Klingons and Romulans break out laughing.

One pees on himself he's laughing so hard.

----------


## Chantellabella

What's so funny?

----------


## Chantellabella

The whole new life and new civilization thing. Doesn't that mean the same thing?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, ..................um....................logically.  ..........................yes. 

But my point is that we are wondering what you guys are doing out here with the whole party thing in the neutral zone. Isn't the neutral zone supposed to be where everyone is tense and tip toes across like ninjas?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, puny earthling. The neutral zone is supposed to be as you said. 

But we are celebrating our victory over the Tribble planet

----------


## Chantellabella

The Tribbles? But they're cute fuzzy hairballs with really shrill squeaks when you step on them. A Kindergartner could conquer their planet.

----------


## Chantellabella

Silence Earthling!

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, technically, I'm only half earthling. I'm half Vulcan.

----------


## Chantellabella

*explosion!!!*

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. Like that really hurt. Why did you blow off my ears?

----------


## Chantellabella

Um. Spock. Rather than piss them off, can you get to the whole why didn't they invite me to the party thing?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, Captain.

My captain wants to know why we weren't invited.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sploctch!

----------


## Chantellabella

Uhura, translate.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, Captain.

We thought about inviting you, but decided against it because we couldn't take all......................the......................  ....dramatic..........................pauses......  .........................

----------


## Chantellabella

That's rude! Mr. Sulu! Mr. Chekov! Mr. Scotty! or whoever the hell works the photon torpedo button!


Red Alert!

Fire!

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir, you just fired on unarmed ships and beings.


And *whispers* your toupee is leaning sideways.

----------


## Chantellabella

*anguished dramatic pained look*

*falls slowly down the side of his chair in a heap*

*sobs like a baby*

----------


## Chantellabella

Um. Captain? Are you alright?

----------


## Chantellabella

You promised to never bring up my toupee.

Mr. Worf! Put Mr. Spock in the brig.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir? Mr. Worf isn't in this episode.

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, who's our security officer?

----------


## Chantellabella

We don't have a security officer, sir. 

We have a couple of guys in red shirts. We could get them to do it before the first commercial. You know, right before the alien eats their faces off.

----------


## Chantellabella

Very well. 

Do that.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 829992929.......4

I blew the Klingons and Romulans to bits in the neutral zone because they didn't invite me to their party. I've commanded the crew to tell Starfleet that they accidentally ran into a random floating mine field. Mr. Spock was jettisoned out of a jeffries tube into space.

It's been a good day.

----------


## Chantellabella

A

----------


## Chantellabella

chicken

----------


## Chantellabella

walked

----------


## Chantellabella

into

----------


## Chantellabella

a

----------


## Chantellabella

bar

----------


## Chantellabella

and

----------


## Chantellabella

ordered

----------


## Chantellabella

a whiskey and some onion rings

----------


## Chantellabella

When the whiskey came

----------


## Chantellabella

The chicken said, "Oh wait! I don't drink alcohol!"

----------


## Chantellabella

The end.

----------


## Chantellabella

The story only got .5 stars on Amazon.

----------


## Chantellabella

I overheard the pigeons talking the other day.

They were quite animated about bridges.

Reminded me of my engineer ex-husband

----------


## Chantellabella

When God made pigeons, he laughed. He would have erased the design, but he couldn't find his eraser and didn't want to get chalk all over his sleeves

----------


## Chantellabella

"Send in the clowns"

Let's think about that song a minute.

What on earth could be a reason to send in the clowns??!!

Like does a country need to destroy another one? Does a planet need to obliterate another? 

That's got to be the only reason to send in the clowns.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 33355.669 1/2

We are beaming down to an alien planet. There appears to be readings of some life forms, but so far we have encountered nothing.


"Red shirt guy! Go look behind that rock. I am getting a reading of a very large life form."

"Aye, sir"



"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  HHHH"


"Red shirt guy # 2! Go look behind that rock to see why red shirt guy #1 screamed."

----------


## Chantellabella

Toe nail clippings would make a fine flooring if you hot glued them side by side.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock! We seem to be alone on this alien planet now that all the red shirt guys are dead. What................should....................we..  ......................do?

----------


## Chantellabella

Besides beam back to the ship, sir? 

My suggestion is that we have that big honking ship up there with lots of gadgets that twinkle and beep. It seems like one of them could do a Google Earth zoom and actually look at what is behind that rock. It just makes more sense than actually going to look behind the rock.

----------


## Chantellabella

But Spock!!!! It would take................all the drama...................out of ...........................looking.

And I wouldn't get my shirt ripped and dirty.

----------


## Chantellabella

Fine! Go look behind the rock!

----------


## Chantellabella

Since I'm the commanding officer, I think it's probably better if you looked behind the rock.

----------


## Chantellabella

Me?! But it was your idea that both the Captain and First Officer go on an away mission. How stupid is that in the first place? Thank goodness in the future Captain Jean Luc Picard figured out that it was really dumb idea for the two top commanders to go walking willy nilly on alien planets armed with tiny phasers. I mean, we could be up against the really giant bugs in Starship Troopers and all they have to do is bend over and eat our heads. A *smart* captain would just nuke the thing behind the rock from space and get on with lunch.

----------


## Chantellabella

But Spock! We only have a dollar ninety five to pay the crew members. That's why we have 7 regulars and random red shirt guys (who btw only get paid 30 cents). We can't just send out red shirt guys. They get killed too easily. And Bones would just stand there saying, "I'm a doctor, not alien brunch." We can't send Uhura because we would be breaking all kinds of harassment laws. Mr. Sulu would just whip out his sword and look silly and nobody would understand Mr. Chekov's accent. 
The only one with a fighting chance is Mr. Scott, but by the time he got finished telling the aliens that it can't be done, they would conquer us.

----------


## Chantellabella

I see your point, Captain. Very logical.

----------


## Chantellabella

Of course it's logical! 

Now go look behind that rock.

----------


## Chantellabella

Very well, Captain.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. Maybe Spock was right. We could just nuke them from the ship and run like hell.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach donuts never made it big.

----------


## Chantellabella

Consider the ocean.

Or not.

Your call.

----------


## Chantellabella

2 inches by 2 inches by 2 inches equals haven't a clue.

----------


## Chantellabella

One day, all the paperclips that the world needs will be made. 

After that, we will just keep trading them over and over.

----------


## Chantellabella

Flowers! Flowers! Everywhere! 

Oh wait.


I meant sponge mops.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cows like to do the cha cha in the morning.

I have no clue what they do in the afternoon.

----------


## Chantellabella

I saw a pink polka dotted purse on a 92 year old lady.

Oh the humanity!

----------


## Chantellabella

The word college is dangerously close to the word collage. Just one typo could send someone to a place where they glue bits of construction paper all over their face.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think the blue pens are just snobby to the green ones.

----------


## Chantellabella

There was this fire hydrant that was just standing around outside. 

I was very suspicious.

----------


## Chantellabella

Someone's been knocking over my stuffed frogs.

Oh the frogmanity!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are


Go to school you little ignorant! They teach you those kinds of things in science class!

----------


## Chantellabella

Plummeting plumbing is definitely a problem

----------


## Chantellabella

Star light star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight

Why don't you wish for better grammar!! I wish I may, I wish I might? Geesh!

----------


## Chantellabella

I've got a hat covered in fishing hooks. Why am I wearing it?  (Actual song - go google it)

----------


## Chantellabella

Cats can be pretty boring on rainy days.

I look around and all I see are different sleeping positions

----------


## Chantellabella

What boggles my mind is how long it took to invent self stick stamps.

At Christmas I used to get high on licking 70 envelopes and stamps when sending out Christmas cards. 

Now I just email a "Whatsup?" with pictures of my cats looking bored.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock! Give me the readings.

Oh that's right. He got eaten by the alien behind the rock.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cabbage Patch Kids are following me home from the library!!

Oh the weird baby face humanity!

----------


## Chantellabella

When my post count gets to 6666 will that mean I'm uber evil?

Hm?

----------


## Sagan

Corncob beat the rooster from Adelaide

----------


## Sagan

*Do regular dogs see police dogs and think "oh [BEEP] it's the cops"?*

----------


## Chantellabella

> *Do regular dogs see police dogs and think "oh [BEEP] it's the cops"?*



LOL! 

Probably.  ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> Corncob beat the rooster from Adelaide



Darn! I had money on the rooster to win!

----------


## Chantellabella

There isn't another world like the one that I can imagine in all of my humanity that comes closer to the precipice of chicken wrangling

----------


## Chantellabella

Stampeding doves aren't that useful

----------


## Chantellabella

Would a woodpecker peck wood if it just thought about how stupid it is?

----------


## Chantellabella

First there was catsup.

Then the earth cooled.

----------


## Chantellabella

There's not a place on the planet that looks like sauerkraut on a stick.

----------


## Chantellabella

Old Lang Sign?

Old Leg Sign?

Old Lame Sign?


What is it people????!!!!

----------


## 1

10% Completed

----------


## Chantellabella

> 10% Completed



Now that's just crazy talk! It's the 90% that will beg to differ.

----------


## Chantellabella

Today at Fed Ex. I needed to ship a package and needed to ask about their tracking system.

Me: I would like/ (interrupted by employee at Fed Ex)
Her: No! 

(shocked look on my face)

Me: But I didn't even ask the question.
Her: I know what the question is.

Me: What was my question?
Her: You were going to ask me if we sell stamps. No, we do not sell stamps.

As I was leaving quickly

Me: I wasn't going to ask you if you sold stamps.


I know that sounds like crazy talk, but sadly it's true.

Needless to say I contact as many Fed Ex higher ups as needed and will take on one more company who refuses to treat us lowly humans as anything more than scum.

----------


## Otherside

> Today at Fed Ex. I needed to ship a package and needed to ask about their tracking system.
> 
> Me: I would like/ (interrupted by employee at Fed Ex)
> Her: No! 
> 
> (shocked look on my face)
> 
> Me: But I didn't even ask the question.
> Her: I know what the question is.
> ...



Didn't think it was possible to find a delivery company worse than Yodel.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Didn't think it was possible to find a delivery company worse than Yodel.



Oh yes, any place that thinks they're a monopoly forgets customer service altogether. I'm thoroughly convinced that the post office puts Valium or Xanax in their employees' coffee every morning because I've never seen slower, more sedate, un-hurried people ever.

----------


## Otherside

Right I'm waiting for a psych appointment and I'm bored shitless. So I am going to write a literary great, because why not. 

So here we have it, by yours truly, Otherside.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was Darth Trump. Darth Trump ruled over a Kingdom called Mordor. Mordor was home to vampires.

Trump was in a bad mood because He'd lost his IPhone. He'd forged this IPhone in the fires of Mount doom, and it had been stolen from him. Using this IPhone he could control the other nine iPhones in the world. 

So Trump decides to travel to Hoth with an army of loyal vampires to reclaim the stolen iPhone. "Where is my fucking iPhone?" he yelled. Nobody knew where the iPhone was. 

So Darth Trump threatened to terrorize Hoth until they gave him back his IPhone. 

Meanwhile the young hero Frodo Baggins recieved an IPhone for his birthday. Darth Trump heard about this and was angry. He sent Vampires to retrieve the iPhone. And so Frodo Baggins was forced to run from his home. On the first night, he met Cortana, who told him he had.to burn the phone in the fires of Mount Doom, in the land of Mordor, where the shadow lies.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Right I'm waiting for a psych appointment and I'm bored shitless. So I am going to write a literary great, because why not. 
> 
> So here we have it, by yours truly, Otherside.
> 
> A long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was Darth Trump. Darth Trump ruled over a Kingdom called Mordor. Mordor was home to vampires.
> 
> Trump was in a bad mood because He'd lost his IPhone. He'd forged this IPhone in the fires of Mount doom, and it had been stolen from him. Using this IPhone he could control the other nine iPhones in the world. 
> 
> So Trump decides to travel to Hoth with an army of loyal vampires to reclaim the stolen iPhone. "Where is my fucking iPhone?" he yelled. Nobody knew where the iPhone was. 
> ...



Awesome!! You'll keep it going, right? I love these kinds of stories. Daniel C had some great ones too in this thread. I can just picture Darth Trump screaming that.  ::): 

And wanna hear my crazy talk? I went to a fast food fish place called Long John Silver's today. I never eat there, but after painting my outside porch all morning, I didn't feel like cooking. 

On the window was a sign. "39 cents will be added to your total bill to pay for customer service." I kid you not. Not a tip. Just at a drive thru. 

I was so tempted to ask if I would get bad customer service if I refused to pay. Like do they spit in your food or something? 

The guy who handed me the food out of the window saw me reading the sign and gave me a quick forced smile. Was that it? That's all I got for good customer service? I wanted at least a "How may I help you today." "How is your day." 

I wonder if I can get library patrons to start giving me 39 cents every time I help them. Let's see, I help 40-50 patrons a day, and well, have 80 or so kids and parents in each of my 5 storytimes every week, and deal with over 100 teen volunteers. Hm. This 39 cents per customer could really pad my paycheck.

----------


## Chantellabella

Reality is crazier than I could ever make up. 


Hopefully Armageddon will get here early.

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



Oh yeah.  i love cinema sins. I think ive seen every one of their videos

----------


## 1

Sinning in general is much more interesting

----------


## Chantellabella

> Sinning in general is much more interesting



Yes, but think of the kiwis (the animal, not the fruit). They would have no opportunity to smuggle buffalo out of the farms if that happened.

----------


## Sagan



----------


## Chantellabella

> 



LOL!! I love it!

----------


## Chantellabella

Jethro does not bode well with most high notes.

Tis sad, Jethro. Tis sad.

----------


## Chantellabella

*Send in the mimes.* :banana guy:

----------


## Chantellabella

First he stepped in horse manure.

Then he tracked it onto the carpet.

Now my horse is eating him.

The end. 

Now go to bed, small children.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 490001122.6

We have landed on an alien planet. So far we see no life.


"Red shirt guy! Go look around!"

----------


## Chantellabella

Ahhhhhhhh!!!


Spock? What was that?

I think that was red shirt guy.

Oh. Dang.

Second red shirt guy, go see what happened to first red shirt guy.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ahhhhh!!!!

Sir, I think that was second red shirt guy.


Bones! 


Are you kidding, Jim? I'm not going over there to look. I'm a doctor! Not a red shirt guy!

----------


## Chantellabella

I wasn't going to ask you to go look. I think we've determined that this is a hostile planet and evasive action needs to happen. Set phasers on stun or kill or whatever you want. I'll meet you guys back at the ship.

Captain?


Yes, Mr. Spock?


You're abandoning us?


No, no. I'm uh. I just remembered that I left the coffee pot on.

That seems pretty illogical Captain as we don't use pots for our coffee.


Well, uh, yes.  I uh. Have to use the can. You know..............drank all that coffee

----------


## Chantellabella

Why do you need a can, sir? You can dig a hole right behind that rock.

Behind that rock, Spock? Isn't that where red shirt guy number one and red shirt guy number two went?

Maybe.


What do you mean maybe, Spock?


I'm sorry, Captain. You're breaking up.

*beams up*

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Chekov! Phasers on stun.


Why Captain? What are vee shooting? 


Unknown, Lt. Just have your weapons ready.

Aye aye, Captain.

----------


## Chantellabella

*tiny kitten strolls out from behind the rock."

Oh look, Captain. It's a veeee kitten. Look how cuu******SLPPOOOOOOCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!*****



Hm. The kittens back on earth don't do that. Run!!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Run? What do you mean, "Run!" Jim? I'm a doctor............not an Olympic sprinter. 

Good! Whatever that thing is, he'll catch you first so I can get away!

----------


## Chantellabella

One to beam up, Scotty.


One? Are you going to leave me with this flea bitten fur tumblewee.................AHHHHHHH!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain? Where's Dr. McCoy?  We sort of figured the red shirt guys wouldn't come back, but the doctor is a key character in our plot. Why didn't he come back to the ship.

He, ah, met an alien. Fell in love and ditched us.


Uh, Captain.

Yes, Uhura?

Dr McCoy is hailing us from the planet.


Put him on the comm.


You *@@**&&&&!!!######&&!!%^^%!


Turn it off! Turn it off! Sorry, Bones..............bad connection.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 595889939393.44

We are interviewing new ship doctors tomorrow.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain! We picked up a life form floating in space. He seems to have his thumb out on one hand and his middle finger out on the other hand.

----------


## Chantellabella

Don't pick him up!! It's bad to pick up hitchhikers.

----------


## Chantellabella

But he might have an answer to the universe's question.

----------


## Chantellabella

You mean 42? 

Been there and got the tee shirt.

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh wait Captain. He's holding a sign. It reads, "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

That seems to mean something. Hm.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 4490000.5

We've been wandering helplessly through an asteroid field after Mr. Worf pissed off the Romulans and they shot the Enterprise to hell. 

But Captain..............

Shut up Mr. Worf! Not only have you got our [BEEP] blown to bits, but now we're off sssscchhhhhheduuuuallll for our ongoing mission.

But what is that mission anyway, Captain Picard? We go here. We go there. We find aliens. It's all very boring. We don't even run very fast when there's a red alert. I've never seen Commander Riker even bend over for anything. Seriously. He's always standing straight up. No creases anywhere on his uniform.

That's beside the point, Lieutenant! You called the Romulans "Vulcan Lovers," and that's why they shot at us.

----------


## Chantellabella

But what's wrong with loving Vulcans? Everybody needs love.

----------


## Chantellabella

Romulans only love themselves.

----------


## Chantellabella

We don't know that. Maybe they're just misunderstood. 

Have we ever _asked them_ about love?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, no. It never came up during our battles.

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, maybe we should ask them. Have them over for tea. Ask them about their grandmothers. 

We really need to give them a chance.

----------


## Chantellabella

Wait. I have to roll my eyes and do a face palm.

Ok. I'm better.

Mr. Worf, what do you plan to do about the fact that we are dead and adrift in space................now that your love question got our asses shot.

----------


## Chantellabella

We could send over a few tribbles. You know...............as a peace offering.

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Riker, 

Will you please escort Mr. Worf to the Jeffries Tubes?

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, I want him to look out the window of the Enterprise. Look waaaaaaayy out over our smoking axle.

----------


## Chantellabella

But sir

----------


## Chantellabella

Waaaayyyy out. You know. Look at the bits and pieces that are left.

----------


## Chantellabella

*struggle* *struggle* *struggle* *door slam*

----------


## Chantellabella

Sir? 

Yes, Mr. Crusher?

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Worf is knocking on the window.

----------


## Chantellabella

Don't let him in. Close the curtains. Turn off the lights.

----------


## Chantellabella

Is he gone?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, sir. A large piece of space junk knocked him off the windshield.

----------


## Chantellabella

Good.

----------


## Chantellabella

Uh, Captain Picard?

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes, Ensign?

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Worf just entered the bridge.

----------


## Chantellabella

But you were..................you.....................how?

----------


## Chantellabella

The Romulans picked me up. Lovely people. They invited us to tea.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 589389393.6

I've decided that I hate everyone in the next generation and therefore I am asking Starfleet to beam me back to Kirk's time.

----------


## Chantellabella

Squirrels take yoga lessons from pigeons. They do the downward head bob.

----------


## Rawr

My goodness I've lost my purple purpaloo in the tengaloo again.

----------


## Member11

> My goodness I've lost my purple purpaloo in the tengaloo again.



Why did you lose it?!

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## Sagan

Cracker barrel stole my need to be inside the cool cave with the glow worms

----------


## Member11

> Cracker barrel stole my need to be inside the cool cave with the glow worms



Those damn cracker barrel!!

----------


## 1

Bleh Bleh Blah

----------


## Member11

:lalalala:

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## Chantellabella

The kiwi resumed his post. 

He looked around and saw many bizarre sights on this thread. 

He shook his head and went up to the top of the mountain to consult the Mighty Pigeon Lama's wisdom.

"Oh Mighty Pigeon Lama," he said. "There are gifs and strange utterances from those who do not understand the pigeon kumquat power of crazy talk. What should I do?"

The pigeon [BEEP] on his head. 

The kiwi wiped his eyes and said, "Ah! I see, Oh Great One. Thank you for your wisdom"

He traveled down the mountain, taking 40 days and 40 nights because kiwis are quite small and have short legs. 

He found a piece of chalk and etched great words on huge tablets he found lying about the brush. 

The words spoke volumes to the masses. 

I can now translate those words. A gif is not crazy talk. Why? Because there is no actual talking involved. 

As the kiwi waddled into the sunset, he raised his glass of tequila and quietly thanked the Mighty Pigeon Lama one last time for the creaminess of his wisdom.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stand tall, young ant wranglers. 

There will one day be victory over the bee wranglers.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the tiny rodent climbed in the young child's bed and ate her face.

The end.

Now go to bed children.

----------


## Chantellabella

Staring into the abyss of unhardened jello, I ponder great things. Like, will this [BEEP] ever gel up?

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing in the drift of a corn flake storm is not all that lovely.

----------


## Chantellabella

An itch!!!

An itch!!!!


I got an itch!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the pigeon ate my tortilla.

It was quite disturbing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jonathan! Pass me the salt, please.

Oh Sybil. Not the salt.

Yes, Jonathan. I need the salt.

Oh Sybil. I beg you. Not the salt.

Jonathan, I implore you. Please if you've ever done anything right in your life..............please pass me the salt.

Sybil. I am crushed. *walks away shaking his head in full remorse*

Goodbye, Jonathan.

Goodbye, Sybil.

Salt: Goodbye cruel wor...............

----------


## Chantellabella

Buffalo often wonder what sheep are doing.

I totally get that.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 444.77889.6

We've been wandering through this space sector for quite sometime. Mr. Sulu seems to have lost our map.

I'm sorry again, sir!!! 

There's no excuse Lt Sulu. No excuse. Now how will I travel through space looking all macho if we have to stop and ask for directions?

----------


## Chantellabella

Candy coated lint balls can be given out at Halloween. 

No really.


I read the manual.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then there were stars. 


Yes, I hit my head on the coffee table again.

----------


## Chantellabella

This is the song that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friend
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
They sang it just because it was a song that never ends
Yes it goes on and on my friend..............

----------


## Chantellabella

Stereotypical ground hogs make lovely cup holders.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jones, the apple appears to be bruised.

----------


## Chantellabella

High above the clouds flew the mighty bumblebee. He soared higher than any other bumblebee. He was elated. He would be famous. I'm the king of the wor *poof!*

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the Papa Bear said, "Let's get take out."

----------


## Chantellabella

Kiwi smoothie for breakfast.

Yum.

----------


## Chantellabella

Not the toe jam!!! Oh please! Not the toe jam!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

The badgers didn't like their new home. It was too small and smelt of elderberries. 


Their real estate agent quit.


It was a sad day.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kamikaze Kumquats! 

The next generation in fast food

----------


## Chantellabella

Stipulations aside, I think we agree that stationery equipment can be fun if managed well.

----------


## Chantellabella

Leaping lemurs loaned Lou lime lint balls.

Lou was not amused.

----------


## Chantellabella

When Oscar stepped in the large pile of dog shit, he had a revelation.......Chickens do have wings!!!



Ta da!

----------


## Chantellabella

Shirley, did you lock all the doors? 

No Bruce. 

Why not, Shirley?


(to be continued at a much later date)


Will Shirley eventually lock the doors?

Will Bruce divorce her for not locking the doors?

Find out next week when we return to *drum roll* Doors That Kill You In Your Sleep!

----------


## Member11

> Will Shirley eventually lock the doors?



Never!!  :lock:

----------


## Chantellabella

> Never!!



  :bam: 
 :lock:

----------


## Chantellabella

What are dozens of coffee cakes lying on a bed of oysters?


Correct! 
For 200 points.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stipulations decree that insomnia, met with the right about of dish washing detergent, can cause serious health issues if combined with a lactose intolerant intestine.

The pigeons agree.


Motion to accept.

Accepted!!

----------


## Member11



----------


## Chantellabella

So long and thanks for all the fish.

----------


## Member11

> So long and thanks for all the fish.



B-b-but what will we put in the oceans now?  ::

----------


## 1

Tzzzz

----------


## Member11

::\:

----------


## Sagan

Crack open the corn meal and eat that catnip before it expires or you may loos a limb or two!

----------


## Member11

> Crack open the corn meal and eat that catnip before it expires or you may loos a limb or two!



B-but I like my limbs!

----------


## UndercoverAngel

Going out on a limb can be dangerous, especially if it is over a fire pit with gooey marshmallows that have fallen off your stick, still burning.

----------


## Member11

> Going out on a limb can be dangerous, especially if it is over a fire pit with gooey marshmallows that have fallen off your stick, still burning.



B-b-but the poor marshmallows?  ::(:

----------


## huppypuppy

We regret to inform you that all cars from Holden and Ford will all be imports as of 1/1/17


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## Member11

> We regret to inform you that all cars from Holden and Ford will all be imports as of 1/1/17



This is what happens when the Liberals are voted in.

----------


## huppypuppy

> This is what happens when the Liberals are voted in.



This is what happens when industry here goes up the duff!!! Car companies find it cheaper to import overseas cars - on the other hand, the GMC Acadia is making it's way down under to join all the imported cars already in Holden's lineup to replace the Craptiva


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## Member11

> This is what happens when industry here goes up the duff!!! Car companies find it cheaper to import overseas cars - on the other hand, the GMC Acadia is making it's way down under to join all the imported cars already in Holden's lineup to replace the Craptiva



True, but the government could have stopped it, either buying back Holden or passing a law that required Holden to remain here, just like Qantas. But they couldn't give a damn.

----------


## huppypuppy

> True, but the government could have stopped it, either buying back Holden or passing a law that required Holden to remain here, just like Qantas. But they couldn't give a damn.



Well said - time for bed!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## Member11

> Well said - time for bed!



Sweet dreams!

----------


## huppypuppy

> Sweet dreams!



Thanks


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## 1

⚆ _ ⚆

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

你唔會明白一評論

----------


## Member11

> 你唔會明白一評論



I didn't see the comment though

----------


## UndercoverAngel

Never under estimate the power of a ping pong ball.

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Blank Blank Blank

----------


## Otherside

You can't read my ppkerface people. However good at being a paparazzi you are, alejandro. Better just dance. 

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

----------


## 1

Nice & Quiet tonight

----------


## 1

B

----------


## 1

l

----------


## 1

a

----------


## 1

n

----------


## 1

k

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

3

----------


## 1

2

----------


## 1

1

----------


## 1

Boom!  ::

----------


## Member11

::!:

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## UndercoverAngel

A penny for your thoughts, and you give your 2 cents, where is the other penny? ::

----------


## 1

In the piggy bank!

----------


## UndercoverAngel

> In the piggy bank!



 ::): that is a lot of pennies in there. Who is gonna take them to the bank?

----------


## 1

Maybe I can find a coinstar machine & put them in there

----------


## Member11

If I only had a leg... wait that doesn't sound right  :Confused:

----------


## 1

Celery Sticks

----------


## Member11

Noooooooooooooo....... wait, I mean Yessssssssssssss!

----------


## 1

Post Quick Reply  :Ninja:

----------


## Member11

If you wet so...

----------


## UndercoverAngel

Take the money and run :;-):

----------


## Member11

What money?  :;-):

----------


## 1

The money at the bank!

----------


## Member11

> The money at the bank!



There is no money there anymore I took... I mean yes, the bank has money  :Ninja:

----------


## 1

:Ninja:  Gimme some of the money

----------


## Member11

> Gimme some of the money



*hands some money over*

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:XD:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## 1



----------


## 1

.

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11

::o:

----------


## 1

Nothing but a night filled with noisy winds

----------


## Member11

Ouch!!!

----------


## 1

Yikes!

----------


## Member11

Booo!

----------


## 1

Hoo!

----------


## Member11

Noooooo!

----------


## 1

Yessss

----------


## Member11

Noooooooooo

----------


## 1

Yusssssss

----------


## Member11

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh

----------


## UndercoverAngel

Yippeeeeee, ride em cowboy

----------


## Member11

Whip it!

----------


## UndercoverAngel

Whip it good

----------


## 1

Whoops

----------


## Member11

Damnn

----------


## 1

Ah!

----------


## 1

Spam

----------


## 1

Spam.

----------


## 1

More spam

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## UndercoverAngel

tastes like chicken

----------


## 1

Mmm

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

This message will not be repeated

----------


## 1

This message will not be repeated  ::

----------


## Member11

This message will not be repeated  ::D:

----------


## 1

2+2=10  ::

----------


## Member11

No way man! David's not here. D'oh!

----------


## 1

Ocean water cures wounds  ::

----------


## Member11

I believe that children are our future... Unless we stop them now!

----------


## 1

Lettuce & Turkey

----------


## Sagan

Cornmeal man man stole my beer after falling in the woods

----------


## 1

Rocket Science is when scientist find out things about space  ::

----------


## UndercoverAngel

If you look over there, where? Over there, you will see it

----------


## 1

I scream,for ice cream!

----------


## 1

1

----------


## 1

2

----------


## 1

I smell something delicious..

----------


## Member11

> I smell something delicious..



Don't look at me, I'm not delicious...

----------


## 1

I see bacon hanging out of your pockets  :-_-:

----------


## Member11

> I see bacon hanging out of your pockets



Not any more!  :Snack:

----------


## 1

No!

----------


## 1

No.!

----------


## Member11

Yep!

----------


## 1

::@:

----------


## Sagan

Hey! Leave my Hot Pockets aloneeeeee!

----------


## Sagan

Who the heck stole my.... I need my damn;I need my stuff back! NOW!!!!!!!!!  :]:):

----------


## 1

Nothing was stolen  :-_-:

----------


## Sagan

Right. Sure. Now you come out all ninja like all bad [BEEP] and what not. I want my stuff back an I want it now!

----------


## 1

Don't look at me,I didn't take anything  :-_-:

----------


## 1

Level 1

----------


## 1

Level 2

----------


## 1

Advanced Level

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11

> Don't look at me,I didn't take anything



I think you did  ::

----------


## 1

:Hide behind Sofa:

----------


## Member11

> 



 :damn kids:

----------


## 1

:hide:

----------


## Member11

:Superman:

----------


## UndercoverAngel

:lalalala:  I didn't see anything

----------


## 1

^She did it!

----------


## Member11

:Confused:

----------


## 1

:o:):

----------


## Member11

::

----------


## 1

Laa

----------


## 1

Deee

----------


## 1

Daaaa

----------


## 1

Laaa

----------


## 1

Laaaa

----------


## Member11

Booo!

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Member11

Meh

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Member11

Bleh

----------


## 1

This is your daily announcement..

----------


## 1

SPAM

----------


## 1

SPAM.

----------


## 1

AND..

----------


## 1

UHH..

----------


## 1

Spam  :-_-:

----------


## Member11

:Eyebrow:

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

:Confused:

----------


## 1

:tree guy:

----------


## Member11

:flower:

----------


## 1

::

----------


## 1

10

----------


## 1

9

----------


## 1

8

----------


## 1

7

----------


## 1

6

----------


## 1

5

----------


## 1

4 *Echoes*

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Ha!

----------


## Member11

::D:

----------


## 1

:Evil Banana:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

::

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11

*Homer*: Hanging up the receiver, eh? 
*Lisa*: (Gasps) How much did you hear? 
*Homer*: How much did you say? 
*Lisa*: Nothing, really. 
*Homer*: So I heard half of nothing. 
*Lisa*: (Scared) Dad, you're scary when you're calm and focused. 
*Homer*: Lisa, I'll miss you when this is all over. 
*Lisa*: When what's all over? 
*Homer*: This conversation. (Lisa chuckles nervously) See you on the other side. 
*Lisa*: What other side? 
*Homer*: Of the house! Where the fireplace is! We're toasting marshmallows. (Slowly) Marsh (Pause) Mallows.

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Member11

Don't steal my bacon!!!!

----------


## UndercoverAngel

:fight:  Hand it over

----------


## Member11

> Hand it over

----------


## UndercoverAngel

> 



 ::

----------


## Member11

> 



Bring it!

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:Razz:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:bricks:

----------


## Member11

> 



Watch out!! Bricks are coming down!

----------


## UndercoverAngel

:Pig:

----------


## Member11



----------


## UndercoverAngel

> 



 ::D: way to funny

----------


## UndercoverAngel

:butterfly:

----------


## 1

:butterfly:

----------


## Member11

Butterflies are everywhere!  ::!:

----------


## 1

Butterfly from SpongeBob

----------


## L

Blah....your face

----------


## Member11

> Blah....your face

----------


## L

> 



I love it

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## UndercoverAngel

If I cut off the left side of my body, I would be al right  ::D:

----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## 1

Crazayyyy

----------


## 1

Crayyyzayyyy Taaaalllllk  :-_-:

----------


## Member11

> If I cut off the left side of my body, I would be al right



But you would be only half awesome then  :confused:

----------


## 1

o.o

----------


## L

I just used a hairdryer....not used one in about 7years.

----------


## Member11

> I just used a hairdryer....not used one in about 7years.



I have never used a hairdryer in my 26 years of life, I win  ::D:

----------


## L

I'm female...so it's totally diferent  :Razz:

----------


## Member11

> I'm female...so it's totally diferent



You got me there  :yield:

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

:bam:

----------


## Chieve

Everytime im on the toilet i cry because i just departed from a friend ill never see again

----------


## UndercoverAngel

> But you would be only half awesome then



 ::):

----------


## Sagan

I once saw a corn puff man swallow an entire turkey

----------


## 1

Asparagus  Shake

----------


## UndercoverAngel

I have met the muffin man ::D:

----------


## 1

Gum that is $4..

----------


## 1

Crazy..Crazzy

----------


## 1

Talk Talk

----------


## 1

Crazyy Crazy Crazeeeeeeeeeeee

----------


## 1

Talkkk Talk

----------


## 1

Ta394irerijgsogjso;j  ::

----------


## Sagan

No the answer is no.

----------


## 1

The answer is yes

----------


## L

No no no no mooooooooo

----------


## 1

Yaaaaaaas

----------


## Member11

Nope

----------


## 1

Yes

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:Guitarist3:

----------


## Member11

:damn kids:

----------


## 1

.

----------


## Sagan

I didn't even know they would cornack back pack silly cran man

----------


## 1

The ant invasion is near..

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

ANTS!

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Ant Hailstorm!

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

::o:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

::D:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Ants Ants Ants

----------


## 1

Ants Ants Ants.

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Antz everywhere!

----------


## Member11

> Antz everywhere!



They are invading  :Hide behind Sofa:

----------


## 1

:Hide behind Sofa:

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Member11

Ehh

----------


## 1

Uhh

----------


## Member11

Brr

----------


## 1

Spyaaaam

----------


## 1

Spaaam

----------


## Member11

Uhh

----------


## 1

Uhh

----------


## Member11

Ahh

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

::

----------


## 1

0

----------


## Member11

1

----------


## 1

2

----------


## Member11

::

----------


## 1

3

----------


## 1

4

----------


## 1

5

----------


## 1

6

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

7  :Hide behind Sofa:

----------


## 1

Water

----------


## Member11

:spit:

----------


## 1

Crayyyzay Talk

----------


## Member11

:argh:

----------


## 1

Arghh

----------


## Member11

Oooooohhhh

----------


## 1

Ooo lala

----------


## Member11

uh huh

----------


## 1

Uh Uh

----------


## Member11

ahhhhhh

----------


## 1

Ouuuuuuch

----------


## Sagan

Kill a man jar o

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

> Kill a man jar o



Noooooooooooooo, don't kill him!!!

----------


## 1

Yeees

----------


## 1

Yeeeessss

----------


## Member11

Nooooooooooo!

----------


## 1

Noooooooooo!

----------


## Member11

Yesssssssssssss!

----------


## 1

Partyyyyyyyyyy

----------


## Member11

Nooooooooooooooo

----------


## 1

1st Day Of November

----------


## Member11

> 1st Day Of November



me =  :Birthday:

----------


## 1

Happy Bday!  :Penguin:

----------


## Member11

> Happy Bday!



Thank you!  ::):

----------


## 1

Whoo Cake!

----------


## Member11

Yummy cake  ::D:

----------


## 1

Cake Day!

----------


## Member11

Ant cake!

----------


## 1

Since the ants like sweets,will it be considered cannibalism?  :-_-:

----------


## Member11

> Since the ants like sweets,will it be considered cannibalism?



Depends on who you ask...

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Member11

Ahhhhh

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

----------


## 1

Antpocalypse

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

It looks more like sprinkles from far away,but what a shirt!!

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Fishee

----------


## Sagan

Dump freely after the aftermath of the oncoming koral mac. Be careful. It'll raid your cornmeal

----------


## 1

:O_O:

----------


## Member11

Nooooooooooooooooo

----------


## 1

Nooo

----------


## Member11

Yesssssssssssss

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Member11

:Ninja:

----------


## 1

0wejferkngeilut5hgiu5tr

----------


## Member11

hbkkbtybunextcbhkjubuhjsd

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Gobble Gobble

----------


## Member11

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  ooooo

----------


## 1



----------


## Member11

> 



That brings back memories, I remember making those animations in high school  ::D:

----------


## 1

That's sounds pretty cool! I don't think I'd have the patience to animate something though!

----------


## Member11

> That's sounds pretty cool! I don't think I'd have the patience to animate something though!



I don't blame you, animation is painful and painstaking.

Btw, I like your different avatars  ::):

----------


## 1

Thnx,I think I shall stick with this one!

----------


## Sagan

Cranberry milk

----------


## 1

09wqjuiwrniuw3gkuybg

----------


## Member11

iuniuniunponnugswsw

----------


## 1

Zooooom

----------


## Sagan

Bam boooomm!

----------


## Sagan

Om ch cvo cbe frs fls fzs fsa

----------


## 1

Ooo Ooo

----------


## 1

Cha Cha Cha

----------


## Member11

Nooooooooooooooooooooo

----------


## 1

Yeeeeeeees

----------


## Member11

Noooooooooooooooo

----------


## 1

Nayy

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

666
666
666
6
6
6

----------


## Member11

6
6
6
666
666
666

----------


## 1

Wobble Wobble

----------


## Sagan

SO yesterday when I saw the cranman, he told me about the waterfall deep in the woods where I will find $5

----------


## 1

0

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

0efjsengsjlnkdvn

----------


## Member11

zwguiioiutetsstnnuibuctexjnkmk

----------


## 1

The crazy talk..talk..talk *echoes*

----------


## Member11

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm1234567890

----------


## 1

9edawuhtw45hygud

----------


## Member11

0123456789

----------


## 1

9876543210

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Abcd

----------


## Member11

efgh

----------


## 1

Boom!

----------


## Member11



----------


## Sagan

Koalaman can with his mystery toast and seltzer

----------


## 1

Anonymous

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

@1

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Crazy Crazy Talk

----------


## Sagan

Cassandra, from the fire pit do declare thee anxiety free and prosperous!

----------


## 1

0 ?€=0=?”?8?B??}? ?? ž??? ‘J??c??

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

Noeees

----------


## Member11



----------


## 1



----------


## Member11



----------


## 1

o.o

----------


## 1

No,won't buy ur papers for college  :-_-:

----------


## Sagan

I didn't  ask you where you were coming from I asked you about your teleportation device.

----------


## 1

Ah Ah Ah

----------


## Member11

> I didn't  ask you where you were coming from I asked you about your teleportation device.



But I ask you where you were coming from and instead you talked about your teleportation device.

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## 1

Spam

----------


## 1

Spam #2

----------


## 1

Spam #3

----------


## 1

Spam #666

----------


## 1



----------


## 1

Spammy

----------


## 1

Whammy

----------


## 1

Bammy

----------


## 1

It's raining moonies

----------


## 1

$1

----------


## 1

$2

----------


## 1

$10

----------


## 1

$100!

----------


## 1

$1000!

----------


## 1

$10,000

----------


## 1

$250,000

----------


## 1

$1 Million!

----------


## 1

"Quote"-Anonymous

----------


## 1

Wham

----------


## Member11

$1 billion!

----------


## 1

Billionaire!

----------


## Cuchculan

Deer Stalker moon drops.

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Naked water melons with cream on them

----------


## 1

1
2
3
4
5

----------


## Cuchculan

X said the toad

----------


## 1

A
b
c

----------


## Cuchculan

Eureka

----------


## 1

It is the end of the line

----------


## Ironman

Med time and bed time

----------


## Cuchculan

Get up get up the alarm clock shouted

----------


## 1

Ah

----------


## Cuchculan

Be Jasus now !!!!!!

----------


## 1

It is time

----------


## Cuchculan

To Rumble

----------


## 1

In the snow

----------


## anxiouskathie

to make snow angels

----------


## 1

And Snow Demons

----------


## anxiouskathie

And throw snow balls

----------


## 1

And make ice cream

----------


## Cuchculan

You scream, we all scream for ice cream

----------


## 1

Boom Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang bang

----------


## anxiouskathie

chitty chitty

----------


## 1

Dance Dance

----------


## Cuchculan

Dong Dong

----------


## 1

Ding Ding

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Ming

----------


## 1

6
6
6

----------


## Cuchculan

The Beast

----------


## 1

Has awoken

----------


## Cuchculan

Quack quack

----------


## 1

Quack

----------


## anxiouskathie

rubber ducky

----------


## 1

Boom Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Flip flap flies

----------


## 1

0ahber3jh4brvfjeuvb

----------


## Cuchculan

Doh !

----------


## 1

Dah

----------


## anxiouskathie

Daisy daisy give your answer do...

----------


## 1

5
4
3
2
1

----------


## Cuchculan

Cheese

----------


## anxiouskathie

Flash!

----------


## 1

Wham

----------


## Cuchculan

Wallop

----------


## 1

Bam

----------


## anxiouskathie

Pebbles

----------


## 1

Tiny,small,eeny

----------


## Cuchculan

Go raibh maith agat

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## Cuchculan

Conas ata Tu?

----------


## 1

Crazeee Crazee Talk Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Hey Ho

----------


## 1

Heehee

----------


## Cuchculan

Aye up chuck walking down road

----------


## Sagan

Chick is the green horn that blows high pitched salads across the road

----------


## 1

Crazy

----------


## 1

Crazy
Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Talk Crazy

----------


## 1

Blah
Blah
Blah
Blah
Blah

----------


## anxiouskathie

Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers....how many peppers did peter piper pick?

----------


## 1

Cold
Cold
Cold

----------


## Cuchculan

Freezing

----------


## 1

Shiverz

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad I tell you, mad.

----------


## 1

Achoo

----------


## Cuchculan

Yabbadabbdoo

----------


## anxiouskathie

raining cats and dogs

----------


## 1

Blehblehblehbleh

----------


## Cuchculan

Ha ha ha ha

----------


## 1

Click Click!

----------


## anxiouskathie

snap snap

----------


## Cuchculan

Snorts

----------


## 1

Whoosh

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness they call it Madness

----------


## 1

Crazeeeee Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Runs naked across the screen

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## anxiouskathie

I keep feeling the need to close my eyes now cuch

----------


## 1

Ouch Ouchies Ouchness

----------


## anxiouskathie

eeeeeek

----------


## 1

Eeek

----------


## anxiouskathie

pfft

----------


## 1

Tch

----------


## anxiouskathie

tsk tsk

----------


## 1

-Dances everywhere-

----------


## Cuchculan

Dances with himself

----------


## anxiouskathie

Dances with cuch

----------


## Cuchculan

Zimmer Frame romance

----------


## 1

Tada

----------


## Cuchculan

Tadum

----------


## 1

666
6
6

----------


## anxiouskathie

oompa loompa

----------


## Cuchculan

Dumpa De Doo

----------


## anxiouskathie

some one knows them!!!!

----------


## 1

Oh blah dee obla da

----------


## anxiouskathie

Life goes on.....

----------


## 1

Dancing to the left

Dancing to the right

----------


## anxiouskathie

And dancing all night looooong

----------


## 1

Boogie!

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as a mad hatter

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Lala

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Land

----------


## 1

Lala

----------


## Cuchculan

Dipsy

----------


## 1

A
e
i
o
u

----------


## anxiouskathie

Doe a deer

----------


## 1

1
2
3

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy, but that's how it goes

----------


## 1

Crazy...Crazy talk

Crazy walk..

----------


## Cuchculan

And talk

----------


## anxiouskathie

Crazy to do a fun run

----------


## 1



----------


## anxiouskathie

love that!

----------


## Cuchculan

16142958_10154433530138253_6212204659977137870_n.jpg

----------


## 1

That's crazy talk!

----------


## anxiouskathie

Beyond cray cray

----------


## 1

Very Cray

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad, who me, too bleeden right I'm mad

----------


## 1

0ajwfi3wutgeioutg

----------


## Cuchculan

You crazy

----------


## 1

We all crazee!

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah Blah Blah

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## anxiouskathie

argh

----------


## 1

Argh  :Pirate:

----------


## anxiouskathie

aye mate

----------


## 1

Yeee

----------


## Cuchculan

Doh!

----------


## Ironman

Dough

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## Cuchculan

Chumba

----------


## 1

Bloop

----------


## Cuchculan

Sure why not

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Say what, yes, say nothing.

----------


## 1

.

----------


## Cuchculan

The invisible post

----------


## 1

Invisible

----------


## anxiouskathie

I didn't see a thing

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## anxiouskathie

:flyingpig:

----------


## 1

2-2=0

----------


## Cuchculan

Still hazy after all these beers.

----------


## 1

Ahchoo

----------


## Cuchculan

Bless you

----------


## 1

Thnx  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

Yeharrrrrr

----------


## 1

Raaaaaaaa

----------


## anxiouskathie

good golly miss molly

----------


## 1

10
9
8

----------


## Cuchculan

Ahem

----------


## anxiouskathie

yeeeees?????

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## anxiouskathie

tidily wink

----------


## 1

ABcD

----------


## anxiouskathie

lmnop

----------


## 1

##########

----------


## Cuchculan

@@@@@@@@@@@@

----------


## 1

..........

----------


## Cuchculan

( O y O )

----------


## 1

<.<

----------


## Cuchculan

Posts are not showing when first made. Weird. But they are there if you look again.

----------


## 1

sdrawkcab t'nsi ecnetnes sihT

----------


## anxiouskathie

^^^^^^^^^ ????

----------


## Cuchculan

Is working again.

----------


## anxiouskathie

glad its working.....mine is working too

----------


## 1

Bleh Blah

----------


## anxiouskathie

plop plop fiz fiz

----------


## 1

Boom  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

Yawns

----------


## 1

Boom
o
o
m

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

She shot me moar

----------


## Cuchculan

Spaced

----------


## 1

_______

..........
_______

----------


## Cuchculan

__________________________

__________________________________________

----------


## 1

________________

 --------------------
________________

----------


## 1

It's a road..er close enough

----------


## anxiouskathie

borrrring

----------


## 1

BOred

----------


## anxiouskathie

Sleepy crazy tired

----------


## 1

Zzz

----------


## anxiouskathie

Snoozing

----------


## 1

Board

----------


## Cuchculan

Still asleep

----------


## 1

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

----------


## Cuchculan

Flips

----------


## 1

Dances

----------


## Cuchculan

Flies

----------


## 1

Buzz

----------


## Cuchculan

Watching football. Half time. Making a few posts why I can.

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## anxiouskathie

yowza

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Weeeeeee

----------


## anxiouskathie

boooooo

----------


## Cuchculan

Frightened me

----------


## 1

Buu

----------


## Cuchculan

Kaboom

----------


## 1

Whoosh

----------


## Cuchculan

Wash

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Fishes

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## anxiouskathie

:Razz:

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

:Guitarist2:

----------


## 1

0du9wejrwiehrt85yhtwgysgihrey

----------


## Cuchculan

Went to the doctor this morning. Asked him for something for wind. He gave me a kite.

----------


## 1

Ssssssssnake

----------


## Cuchculan

Is crazy you know

----------


## anxiouskathie

Crazy as ever

----------


## Cuchculan

Not as crazy as me

----------


## 1

Oink

----------


## Cuchculan

Mans walks into a bar, he hurt himself, was an iron bar.

----------


## 1

Whoosh

----------


## anxiouskathie

zzzzzzzzz

----------


## 1

Oink

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning folkers

----------


## 1

M0rnin..even tho it's night time here.

----------


## Cuchculan

Half ten in the morning here

----------


## 1

M0rnin

----------


## Cuchculan

Going off the rails on a crazy train.

----------


## 1

Kaboom

----------


## anxiouskathie

Oooofda

----------


## 1

Bleh Bleh

----------


## Cuchculan

Yawns

----------


## anxiouskathie

shaking my head

----------


## 1

...

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy, but that's how it goes !!!

----------


## 1

Crazinesssssszzzzzzz

----------


## anxiouskathie

bzzzzzzzzzzz

----------


## 1

Arrrrch

----------


## Rawr

My yams and gooses are in the red zone.

----------


## 1

W4k4

----------


## Cuchculan

Good Morning boots, sorry I am going to have to walk on you again.

----------


## 1

Don't forget to wipe ur bootz

----------


## Cuchculan

Food Time

----------


## 1

Tsk

----------


## Cuchculan

Sausages

----------


## 1

Crazy Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Man

----------


## 1

"It's it time"

----------


## Cuchculan

to Rumble

----------


## 1

Aaya!

----------


## Cuchculan

Chop

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Lala

----------


## 1

:Ninja:

----------


## Cuchculan

:Car:

----------


## 1

:Spider:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad? Who me? Too Right I am.

----------


## 1

:lock:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## Cuchculan

Oddball

----------


## 1

:riot:

----------


## Cuchculan

He spoke to me. Who. The voice in my head. He is real.

----------


## 1

Wheeee

----------


## anxiouskathie

I talked to myself and answered

----------


## 1

*Splash*

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Man Returns

----------


## 1

:Hide behind Sofa:

----------


## Cuchculan

The world is going mad. But we are all safe because we are already Mad.

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## Cuchculan

Wu

----------


## 1

W

----------


## Cuchculan

U

----------


## 1

1

----------


## anxiouskathie

donkey teeth

----------


## 1

Ooga Booga

----------


## Cuchculan

Is too early for this sh!t

----------


## 1

No profanity in my presence!

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes your grace

----------


## 1

:bopa:

----------


## anxiouskathie

It's finally Fridayyyyyy

----------


## 1

It's Friday,Fridaaayy

----------


## Cuchculan

Top of the morning to you

----------


## 1

M0rnin

----------


## Cuchculan

Yawns

----------


## 1

Bam  :Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Is mad as a hatter

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Shake up baby now

----------


## 1

Oink

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy People

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Pig

----------


## 1

Waat

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly what I was thinking

----------


## 1

0ah3yhr3iutekrteke

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## 1

Whomp Whomp

----------


## Cuchculan

Swish

----------


## 1

Woosh

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness is all in the Mind

----------


## 1

Rainin agaaaaain

----------


## Cuchculan

That answered my question is the other thread. LOL

----------


## 1

Crazy Talk
r
a
z
y

----------


## Cuchculan

To be sure to be sure

----------


## 1

12345

----------


## Cuchculan

Barks at the Moon

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Ah

----------


## Cuchculan

Howls

----------


## 1

﻿

----------


## anxiouskathie

nope, just nope

----------


## 1

Nope

----------


## Cuchculan

Good Morning World

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

The killer awoke before dawn and put his boots on

----------


## 1

Lalalalala

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning Folkers

----------


## 1

Wham

----------


## Cuchculan

Bam

----------


## 1

Spam

----------


## Cuchculan

Even more spam

----------


## 1

Infinite Spam!

----------


## Cuchculan

I see you

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Hmmmm

----------


## 1

:Gun:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness is all in the name

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Hey you, don't watch that, watch this, this is the heavy heavy monster sound. The Nuttiest sound around, so if you've come in off the street and your beginning to feel the beat, you better start to move your feet, to the rockeness, rock steady beat of Madness, one step beyond.

----------


## 1

Abcd..hje

----------


## Cuchculan

Guns of Navorone

----------


## 1

The time has arrived

----------


## Cuchculan

To rumble

----------


## 1

And Dance!

----------


## Cuchculan

And sleep

----------


## 1

And Dance

----------


## Cuchculan

Acid reflux. Grrrr

----------


## 1

Bloop

----------


## Cuchculan

Tired.com

----------


## 1

Bam

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy, who me? Too right mate !

----------


## 1

The light at the end of the tunnel is not yet ready to die.

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man alert

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Oh man

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Gibberish

----------


## 1

Gibberish Gibber

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning world

----------


## 1

Universal domination

----------


## Cuchculan

Over the poor people of this world

----------


## 1

And fishes

----------


## Cuchculan

Gibberish again

----------


## 1

:mask:

----------


## Cuchculan

Bat Crazy

----------


## 1

:riot:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness is all in the mind

----------


## 1

Darkness for eternity

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1

:Ninja:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Mutha F'R

----------


## 1

:Guitarist3:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad mad morning

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy nights

----------


## 1

Crazy Talks
r
a
z
y

T
a
l
k
s

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness, they call it Madness

----------


## 1

*Boom *  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man waves

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

:]:):

----------


## 1

::@:

----------


## Cuchculan

mad man returns

----------


## 1

:Poke:

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy, I tell you, just crazy.

----------


## 1

:Ninja:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad men run free

----------


## 1

W4k4

----------


## Cuchculan

Screams and leaves the thread

----------


## 1

:bam:

----------


## Cuchculan

Hello world

----------


## 1

:Penguin:

----------


## Cuchculan

Aha

----------


## 1

:bam:

----------


## Cuchculan

Rain and even more rain

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

More football on

----------


## 1

Sprinkling rain or pissing rain?

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad, we are all mad, I tell you.

----------


## 1

:Spider:

----------


## Cuchculan

Hubba Hubba

----------


## 1

Oi

----------


## Cuchculan

You mad, me mad, they all mad

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning madness

----------


## 1

Nom Nom

----------


## Cuchculan

Oink

----------


## 1

0ink  :Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Oink

----------


## 1

0iinKuh

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Arrgh

----------


## Cuchculan

35_ftr-360x240.jpg

----------


## 1

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again

----------


## Cuchculan

Oink

----------


## 1

It madness I tell ya!

----------


## Cuchculan

Sure is my friend. It is all just MAD.

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Cornholio

> Attachment 3713





When I first watched this music video I thought, daaamnnnnn. Dreamy.

----------


## Cuchculan

Our House

----------


## 1

12345

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

The sound of silence is deafening

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mental

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## Cuchculan

The mad man awakens

----------


## 1

0e34irbfweisrbgetilgdgbi45

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning my fellow mad person

----------


## 1

::@:  M0rnin

----------


## Cuchculan

Whack

----------


## 1

:bam:  Nope

----------


## Cuchculan

Wallop

----------


## 1

:bam:   :bam:

----------


## Cuchculan

Bam

----------


## 1

It is time

----------


## Cuchculan

To go back to bed

----------


## 1

In 5 minutes

----------


## Cuchculan

You sleep typing again?

----------


## 1

Nah, this time I meant to stay up, but passed out and woke up again

----------


## Cuchculan

You need the Irish cure. Whisky.

----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## Cuchculan

Lalaland

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Hehehehe

----------


## 1

Oooo

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man is here

----------


## 1

Not yet

----------


## Cuchculan

I see the Assassins failed

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Waka Waka 

Oink Oink

----------


## Cuchculan

Gaelic Football night

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad, not bad

----------


## 1

::  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

Brother sitting all day. Freedom

----------


## Sagan

Legacy 450

----------


## 1

Error 404

----------


## Cuchculan

Oh Yeah

----------


## 1

B00m

----------


## Cuchculan

Boom back

----------


## 1

0bnfbu23uirhbiw2rj43

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not Bad

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

OK. That was mad you rebel

----------


## 1

Do I win?

----------


## Cuchculan

Waves

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

Nice

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Man awake

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Vroom

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Pig

----------


## 1

Welp..gotta wait again

----------


## Cuchculan

Birds

----------


## 1

It is..

It is the...

It is the cra..cra..crazee..ta..talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Now your host, crazy bastard

----------


## 1

With special guest, Looney Lana

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Ah

----------


## Otherside

Discover the newer way to skewer: replace the meat you usually eat with the festive flavor of SPAM? Jalape?o and SPAM? Classic that's bursting with the lively, zesty taste of green jalape?o! 
    2 tablespoons butter
    1 12-ounce can SPAM? Jalape?o cut into cubes
    2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
    1 red bell pepper cut into 3/4-inch pieces
    1 red onion cut into 3/4-inch wedges
    1 zucchini cut into 3/4-inch pieces



    1.Prepare grill for medium heat.
    2.Alternately thread SPAM? with jalapeno, bell pepper, zucchini and onion onto 8 to 12 skewers.
    3.In small saucepan, melt butter. Remove from heat. Stir in cilantro.
    4.Grill skewers, turning occasionally and brushing with butter, 8 minutes or until vegetables are cooked

(Well I've gotta do something with all the bizarre canned meat that is appearing tonight )  

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

----------


## Cuchculan

Food

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Sl0wwww

----------


## Cuchculan

Life's what you make it

----------


## 1

Crash

----------


## Cuchculan

I am here, said nobody ever

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

0ink
i
n
k

----------


## Cuchculan

Football is back on

----------


## 1

Goaaal

----------


## Cuchculan

Lazo

----------


## 1

Ded

----------


## Cuchculan

Is mad

----------


## 1

Zzz

----------


## Cuchculan

Wake up

----------


## 1

:Gun:

----------


## Cuchculan

Plays dead

----------


## 1

:Penguin:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad men at work

----------


## 1

Do Not Enter

----------


## Otherside

1 12-ounce can SPAM? Classic, sliced into 8 pieces2 slices bread1 tablespoon butter2 slices cheese


1.In small skillet, cook SPAM? Classic over medium-high heat, turning once, about 5 minutes.                    
2.Spread  one side of each slice bread with butter. Place in skillet,  butter-side-down; top 1 slice with cheese. Cook until cheese is melted  and bread is toasted. Cover cheese with 2 pieces of SPAM? Classic and 1  slice of cheese. Cover with top slice bread.                    

(What on earth is a Skillet, and why can't I just use a toasty maker?)

----------


## 1

Mmm

----------


## Cuchculan

Now that is crazy

----------


## 1

Crazily Delicious

----------


## Cuchculan

Football on. Half time. Can only make a few quick posts.

----------


## 1

B00m

----------


## Cuchculan

50MM

----------


## 1

Billions Of Years

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Zooooom

----------


## Cuchculan

This is the End

----------


## 1

Of The Day

----------


## Cuchculan

My only friend the end

----------


## 1

Epilogue

----------


## Cuchculan

Risk

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

0inkness

----------


## Cuchculan

Factor

----------


## 1

Divided By

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1

Night

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Men

----------


## 1

Arrrgh

----------


## Cuchculan

Ahem

----------


## 1

Achoo

----------


## Cuchculan

I'm mad, I know I am, I have to be.

----------


## 1

Crazzyyyy Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness Morning

----------


## 1

Madness Monday

----------


## Cuchculan

Only it is not Monday. So you are Mad.

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man blues

----------


## 1

::@:

----------


## Cuchculan

Koo

----------


## 1

::@:

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning Madness

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Freaks on Friday

----------


## 1

0aweuryi34brfukh

----------


## Cuchculan

Maaaaad

----------


## 1

BLah

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man rising

----------


## 1

The moon occasionally hiding behind the clouds

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning mad man

----------


## 1

He's not here right now, pls leave a message after the boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Boom

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy

----------


## 1

Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Alas I am here

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning oh mad person

----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## Cuchculan

Half Time in the game

----------


## 1

:Ninja:

----------


## Cuchculan

Babble

----------


## 1

Ah
Ah
Choo

----------


## Cuchculan

Gardening. Hate it

----------


## 1

Doesn't sound too bad..unless it's really hot out

----------


## Cuchculan

Come on over to Ireland cut the grass for me if you want.

----------


## 1

K, as long as u pay me

----------


## Cuchculan

Bed and Board

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness 101

----------


## 1

0in..Achoo

----------


## Cuchculan

Tarzan

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Football Time

----------


## 1

Whoop

----------


## Cuchculan

One game called off after a bomb went off as the team bus was leaving the hotel. 3 bombs in total. One player injured. Was in Germany.

----------


## 1

o.o Bombs again

----------


## Cuchculan

Bloody ISIS

----------


## 1

Gunna move to another planet sewn

----------


## Cuchculan

Fun

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## 1

No

----------


## Cuchculan

Bloody Yes

----------


## 1

NO  :Crossed Arms:

----------


## Cuchculan

OK

----------


## 1

Pew Pew

----------


## Cuchculan

Yehar

----------


## 1

Pew

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## 1

Pew

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## 1

Pew

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1

M0rnin, madness

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Man

----------


## 1

::@:

----------


## Cuchculan

Grrrrrrr

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning Madness

----------


## 1

WHee

----------


## Cuchculan

Football half time

----------


## 1

0iiink

----------


## Cuchculan

Pig

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

It's Easter were the fook are my eggs?

----------


## 1

Go lay them 1st

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man awakens

----------


## 1

Kaboom

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy, but that's how it goes.

----------


## 1

:Ninja:

----------


## Cuchculan

All Aboard

----------


## 1

The madness ship

----------


## InvisibleGuy



----------


## 1

W4k4

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Errrrr

----------


## Cuchculan

Screams

----------


## 1

Arrgh

----------


## Cuchculan

Football Time

----------


## 1

Nap time

----------


## Cuchculan

Half time in game

----------


## 1

Zzz

----------


## Cuchculan

Zzzzz

----------


## 1

Zz

----------


## Sagan

I knew it! I damn well knew it! It's all back in the basket with the other furries. I are pleased.

----------


## 1

Bloop

----------


## Cuchculan

Home, Home again. I like to be here, when I can.

----------


## 1

59%

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

Download failed

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy Talk

----------


## 1

Badunkadunk

----------


## Cuchculan

That is crazy

----------


## InvisibleGuy

The lunatic is on the grass. 
The lunatic is on the grass. 
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. 
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

----------


## 1

BLeh

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh

----------


## Cuchculan

Couldn't agree more.

----------


## 1

Boo

----------


## Cuchculan

Hoo

----------


## 1

Coo

----------


## Cuchculan

Half time in match

----------


## 1

B00m

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## Cornholio

> Download failed



Stop downloading pr0n

Sent from Burger World

----------


## Cuchculan

He can't help himself. Is an addiction.

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Ness

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not Bad

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness is the name

----------


## 1

Oink

----------


## Cuchculan

Go back to bed

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cornholio

Banned 

Sent from Burger World

----------


## 1

Banned

----------


## Cuchculan

Banned and rammed

----------


## 1

Madness I tell ye

----------


## Cuchculan

Badness is the game

----------


## 1

No,madness

----------


## Cuchculan

What's the time? Football Time.

----------


## 1

Sleep Time

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as can be

----------


## 1

Sleep

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

Bang Bang

----------


## Cornholio

Plz. That face. I won't sleep tonight.

Sent from Burger World

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

You are mad

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

ssendaM

----------


## 1

Waka Waka 0ink OiNk

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

It is time

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as a hatter

----------


## 1

Bleep

----------


## Cornholio

How dare you

Sent from Burger World

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cornholio

I love all of you 

Sent from Burger World

----------


## 1

*U

sleep

nao*

----------


## Cuchculan

Bloody garden. Just got done and the rain is now pelting down.

----------


## 1

:Penguin:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man

----------


## 1

:Penguin:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Is a song name

----------


## 1

Abcd

----------


## Cornholio

Smelly pirate hooker

Sent from Burger World

----------


## 1

Excuse meh?  :Spider:

----------


## Cornholio

Ya, I thought that was you who farted.

Sent from Burger World

----------


## 1

Nope, u just came back from burger world so...  :-_-:

----------


## Sagan

Cornmeal sauce you smoke too much!

----------


## Cornholio

I was never there

Sent from the lab where testing was just done to verify that it was he who denied it, supplied it. A.k.a 1

----------


## 1

How dare u lie to me

----------


## Cornholio

<3

Sent from the lab where testing was just done to verify that it was he who denied it, supplied it. A.k.a 1

----------


## 1

Pls, I won't accept ur ice creams either

----------


## Cornholio

It's actually a butt wearing a party hat, geeeez.

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Oh so u had a party and didn't invite me? Ya ok..

----------


## Cornholio

It was supposed to be a surprise party but now you've ruined it! :bah

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

:bat:

----------


## Cornholio

I was asleep now I'm awake. Por queeee????

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man is here

----------


## Cornholio

Where??

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

crazy-guy-in-straight-jacket-creative-commons.jpg

----------


## Cornholio

Awwwwww

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Told you so

----------


## 1

Oh

----------


## Cornholio

Ho

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

How Much Ho?

----------


## Cornholio

Not for sale

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Doh ! I tried

----------


## Cornholio

Error. Please try again xD

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Ah

----------


## Cornholio

Does not compute.

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Malfunction

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad people all around me

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

He has awoken

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cornholio

You like candy??

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Yup, kewl white van btw

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning crazy people

----------


## 1

Mournin

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Off to le gym

----------


## Cornholio

Let's be gym buddies, I'll pick you up in the van

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Only if they serve drink in the gym

----------


## Cornholio

Nope but there's a bar across the street

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Sounds good to me. Us Irish like to drink as we exercise.

----------


## 1

Do they serve strawberry milk?

----------


## Cornholio

Yes, yes they do and I'm the bar tender

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Kewwwl

----------


## Cornholio

*adds mystery liquid to strawberry milk*

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Ironman

> Off to le gym




there was an episode of an old anthology series loosely based on Creepshow in the 1980s called "Tales From the Darkside" ( 1984-1988 ).  One of the first episodes they made was a story called "Inside the Closet...." where a college student was renting out a room from a creepy professor.  There was a miniature closet in that room that would be locked mysteriously, then a key would appear and the closet was empty.......later, it was filled with clothes.

......well, inside was a little monster that looked like your avatar (without hair) and creeped out my nine-year old mind  :: .

----------


## 1

> there was an episode of an old anthology series loosely based on Creepshow in the 1980s called "Tales From the Darkside" ( 1984-1988 ).  One of the first episodes they made was a story called "Inside the Closet...." where a college student was renting out a room from a creepy professor.  There was a miniature closet in that room that would be locked mysteriously, then a key would appear and the closet was empty.......later, it was filled with clothes.
> 
> ......well, inside was a little monster that looked like your avatar (without hair) and creeped out my nine-year old mind .



It really needs to see a dentist tho!

----------


## Ironman

> It really needs to see a dentist tho!



Major gingivitis, periodontitis, and needletoothitis.  It just needs help.
They could be related  :: .

----------


## Cornholio

Your dentists name is Crentist?? 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Wah

----------


## Cornholio

Need dis

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

*Snorts*

----------


## Cornholio

Oyasuminasai 😊 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Chuc ngủ ngon

----------


## Cornholio

Wow. That is so nice of you to say. Thank you so much!!!!!!

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Is that sarcasm! 

Also, blame Google Translator

----------


## Cuchculan

mad_01-700x700.jpg

----------


## Cornholio

> Is that sarcasm! 
> 
> Also, blame Google Translator



Googled. Apparently you said "you are amazing" in Vietnamese 😆

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Ying Yang

----------


## 1

It said "Good night " 4 me

----------


## Cornholio

> It said "Good night " 4 me



Hmmmmmm, how strange because that's clearly incorrect 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Tch  :Crossed Arms:

----------


## Cornholio

😆

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

The time is near

----------


## InvisibleGuy

And if the band your in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

----------


## Cornholio

I knew that.

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Now.

----------


## 1

Later

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not Bad

----------


## 1

Baaaaad

----------


## Cuchculan

Muther

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cornholio

Smelly pirate hookers have reached the island again

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Hookers? Deadly.

----------


## 1

Deadly robotic hookers

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning mad people

----------


## 1

Mornin

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

Lalalala

----------


## Cornholio

You make me wanna la la~~ 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

"U make me wanna screaaaam"

----------


## Cornholio

Yass, sing it Ashlee!!

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Thnx! Check out my best performance on SNL

----------


## Cuchculan

Bat [BEEP] Crazy?

----------


## Cornholio

Lmao

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Saw

----------


## 1

Madness ends

----------


## Cornholio

It's only begun

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Dun Dun Dun

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Dun

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Men United

----------


## 1

Level 1 Complete

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man is awake

----------


## sweetful

Awakened is the madness of May

----------


## Cuchculan

Nearly May the 4th be with you day

----------


## 1

Ugh

----------


## Cuchculan

Hi

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Still hazy after all these beers

----------


## 1

Thought you didn't drink?

----------


## Cuchculan

Whacky

----------


## 1

Whack

----------


## Cuchculan

17952954_1528782090489941_4332945095175091799_n.jpg

----------


## 1

:8):

----------


## Cornholio

*leaves a bowl of cat food in the thread* 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## sweetful

:silly:   :Guitarist2:   :flower:   :mask:

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## sweetful

:juggle:   :Guitarist:   :Oh yeah:

----------


## 1

Wha

----------


## sweetful

Huh

----------


## 1

Oi

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad morning blues

----------


## 1

Bleh

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## Cornholio

Gooooooood morning

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Get out from under my bed

----------


## Cornholio

Make me.

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Whacky Racers

----------


## 1

Wham

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

Bang Bang

----------


## sweetful

Pow

----------


## Cuchculan

Wow

----------


## sweetful

Owww

----------


## Cuchculan

I agree

----------


## sweetful

I bet

----------


## Cuchculan

1382027_10151875348755100_443220097_n.jpg

----------


## Cornholio

Are you feeling well? You look a bit pale

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Pew Pew

----------


## Cuchculan

> Are you feeling well? You look a bit pale
> 
> Sent from under your bed



Feel like a bit of clown. I always wondered if you ate a clown would he taste funny?

----------


## 1

Waka

----------


## Cuchculan

Dobba

----------


## 1

Ay Ay

----------


## Cuchculan

Half time in second game

----------


## Cornholio

Meowwwww 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Chu need some Cornholi water

----------


## Cornholio

Are you calling me a thirsty sinner?!?!

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

:Evil Banana:

----------


## sweetful

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

----------


## 1

:damn kids:

----------


## Cuchculan

He is back

----------


## 1

Ah

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not Bad

----------


## 1

W4k4

----------


## Cuchculan

May the 4th be with you

----------


## 1

Boo

----------


## Cuchculan

Hoo

----------


## 1

WHee

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Run to the bedroom, 
In the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe.
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase,
One of my bad days.
Would you like to watch T.V.?
Or get between the sheets?
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would'ya?
Would you like to see me try?

Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?

----------


## Cornholio

> Run to the bedroom, 
> In the suitcase on the left
> You'll find my favorite axe.
> Don't look so frightened
> This is just a passing phase,
> One of my bad days.
> Would you like to watch T.V.?
> Or get between the sheets?
> Or contemplate the silent freeway?
> ...



Because you've got an axe!!

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## InvisibleGuy

> Because you've got an axe!!
> 
> Sent from under your bed



Lol....for the record it's a Pink Floyd song (and I don't have an axe).

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad morning blues

----------


## 1

Tch

----------


## Cuchculan

Grrrr

----------


## 1

Rawr

----------


## Cuchculan

Said the lion king

----------


## 1

@1

----------


## Cornholio

I have never watched the Lion King

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Watch Lion Queen den

----------


## Cornholio

I am the lion queen

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

Roar

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

B
e
e
p

----------


## Cuchculan

Road Runner

----------


## 1

Crazee Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## 1

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

----------


## Cornholio

Beep beep hop in my Jeep

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Lets go shopping

----------


## Cornholio

Ok we'll use Cuchculan's card 

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

The video game store first

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as can be

----------


## 1

Hmm

----------


## Cuchculan

No. Hymn

----------


## 1

Lala

----------


## Cuchculan

Amen

----------


## 1

It's raining vegetables

----------


## Cuchculan

And meatballs

----------


## 1

Now the sauce

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Oi

----------


## sweetful

it's a mad ting mon

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## sweetful

swoosh

----------


## 1

Pow  :Guitarist3:

----------


## sweetful

Ow  :Guitarist2:

----------


## 1

Boom  ::

----------


## sweetful

Oink  :Pig:

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Who invented fooking gardening? Shoot the fookers.

----------


## 1

Meet The Fookers

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cornholio

Seems appropriate

Sent from under your bed

----------


## Cuchculan

That is crazy

----------


## 1

Eh

----------


## Cuchculan

IT

----------


## 1

1-800

----------


## sweetful

MAD-NESS

Call the toll free number now

----------


## 1

::

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Blah blah

Blahbedy blah

Blahbedyblahbedy blah blah

Blahbedyblahblahblahblahblahblabedey blahblah blaaaaah

Blahbedyblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahbl  ahtothefuckingblah blahtothefuckingblahbedyblah blah blaaaaaaaaahfuckingblah

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Cuchculan

Waves

----------


## 1

Surfs up dudes

----------


## Cuchculan

White Out

----------


## 1

Caps Lock

----------


## Cuchculan

Can I use an Iron board?

----------


## 1

Yes

----------


## Cuchculan

He's Mad

----------


## sweetful

Pop Tarts: they're craaaazy good! 

(so they claim)

----------


## Cuchculan

The sun is shining.

----------


## 1

Kaboom

----------


## Sagan

Oscar, his manner grouchy.  Bigbird and Gonzo at the corner.

----------


## Cuchculan

I agree with him.

----------


## 1

Closed

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## 1

Oh

----------


## Cuchculan

Agh

----------


## 1

Ooga Booga

----------


## Cuchculan

Hoopla

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Not Bad

----------


## 1

Bloop

----------


## Cuchculan

Boo

----------


## 1

The end is near

----------


## Cuchculan

Bogey

----------


## 1

666

----------


## Cuchculan

Posts not showing again

----------


## 1

Bug or glitch probably

----------


## sweetful

shabbadabbaloopityloo

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Wooohoooo!

----------


## 1

55-5= 103

----------


## sweetful

How Sway

----------


## 1

Four 8's  :-_-:

----------


## InvisibleGuy

:banana guy:

----------


## 1

Bleep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

*censored*

----------


## 1

0ani43bt4iu5bgriu4b

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

It's 7AM ladies and gentlemen

----------


## Cuchculan

Another big windows ten update. Screams

----------


## 1

Don't think mine can handle anymore updates since this PC is from 09'

----------


## InvisibleGuy

It's 4:23pm, do you know where your children are?

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Mental

----------


## 1

Noo

----------


## Cuchculan

Go back to bed

----------


## 1

Tch

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Hell to the no.

----------


## 1

Oi

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Morning to you

----------


## InvisibleGuy

were-all-mad-here-luis-navarro.jpg

----------


## Cuchculan

Yep sir

----------


## 1

Except me

----------


## Cuchculan

You are the maddest

----------


## Sagan

Yesterday

----------


## 1

Last Year

----------


## Cuchculan

Next Year

----------


## 1

1405

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as can be

----------


## 1

Too lazy to do anything

----------


## InvisibleGuy

IAmMadAsHell.png

----------


## 1

Blargh

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## 1

Ooga Booga

----------


## Cuchculan

Babble

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

mADNESS

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I can't take this sanity any more.

----------


## Cuchculan

Give it back then

----------


## 1

Oi Oi

----------


## Cuchculan

Yeah

----------


## 1

2+2= ?

----------


## Cuchculan

I mad, You mad, we both mad

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Don't get mad, get even  :bat:

----------


## 1

POW

----------


## Cornholio

OW! That was my eye, mate!!

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

Ye got in ma way

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1

Eneenene

----------


## Cuchculan

Posts are invisible this evening for me. That means I won't be able to post images in the number game.

----------


## 1

Uh Oh

----------


## Cuchculan

Is Crazy

----------


## 1

10K

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?
Mother do you think they'll like this song?
Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls?
Ooooohhhh.
Ahhhhhhhh.
Mother should I build the wall.....

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Da Dum

----------


## 1

Lalala

----------


## sweetful

bippity bop ya don't stop

----------


## Cuchculan

Ahem

----------


## InvisibleGuy

And by the way, which one's Pink?

----------


## Cuchculan

Amen

----------


## 1

Uh

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Achoo

----------


## InvisibleGuy

God bless us, every one.

----------


## 1

Ahhh
Ahhh
Choooooo

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad men we are

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## 1

It is time

----------


## Cuchculan

Whacky Racers

----------


## 1

Movie time

----------


## Cuchculan

What you watching?

----------


## 1

Not even worth mentioning cuz it was boring

----------


## Cornholio

I bet it was tellytubbies.

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1

*WOMAN
*
I thought we agreed to keep that a secret

----------


## Cornholio

Oooops.

Sent from under your bed

----------


## 1



----------


## Cornholio

Money money money money money money money

----------


## 1

Boogie Woogie to the left

----------


## sweetful

Shimmy shimmy to the right

----------


## Cuchculan

You are mad

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Men

----------


## 1

DooDooDoo

----------


## Cuchculan

Film tonight?

----------


## 1

Nah

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning Folkers

----------


## 1

Early mornin

----------


## Cuchculan

Afternoon

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Whaa

----------


## 1

Whoo

----------


## Cuchculan

It was a dark. dull day in Dublin.

----------


## 1

The aliens attacked

----------


## Cuchculan

Hurry up Football

----------


## 1

Eteh

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## 1

Mhm

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1

Boogie Woogie

----------


## InvisibleGuy

All night long  :boogie:

----------


## Cuchculan

All together Now

----------


## 1

Dowwwwn

----------


## Cuchculan

Upppppppp

----------


## 1

Left

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy

----------


## 1

Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

Anybody ever reads the questions we ask each other they will really think we are crazy evil bastards. LOL

----------


## 1

We? U mean u, I'm an angel  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

I'm the pope on social media FFS. LOL I have an image to live up to.

----------


## 1

:Crossed Arms:

----------


## Cuchculan

You Rebel

----------


## 1

Boogie Boogie

----------


## sweetful

this crazy town

----------


## 1

Ooo Cha Cha

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha ha, bless your soul
You think you're in control?....
Well.....

----------


## 1

Argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Wednesday

----------


## 1

Du Du Du

----------


## Sagan

See for yourself you have been sitting on a time bomb....

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

Bang Bang

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Click Click Boom

----------


## 1

Whaaaaaaa

----------


## Cuchculan

M

----------


## 1

A

----------


## Cuchculan

D

----------


## InvisibleGuy

hatter  ::): 

madhatter.jpg

----------


## 1

Oi

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Ness

----------


## Cuchculan

Yeah

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Nah

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

...

----------


## Cuchculan

Morse code?

----------


## 1

Shh

----------


## Cuchculan

Give us an M

----------


## 1

B00m

----------


## Cuchculan

A

----------


## 1

B

----------


## Cuchculan

madnessman_zps5a3ef04e.jpg 

See. Madness.

----------


## 1

Lul

----------


## Cuchculan

LOL

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

Brrr

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

It is time

----------


## Cuchculan

Ness

----------


## 1

Crazee Talk

----------


## Sagan

Timba his arms wide

----------


## 1

The boogie woogie  :lock:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Oink

----------


## Cuchculan

Pig

----------


## 1

Wacky

----------


## Cuchculan

Wonders

----------


## 1

Bonkers

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

:Bah

----------


## Cuchculan

Invisible posts again

----------


## 1

U can't see this

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as Me

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## 1

Heehee

----------


## Cuchculan

Babble

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy Nights

----------


## 1

Kaboom

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

Bing

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## Sagan

Hook exit leader besides view purchase land alliance question.﻿

----------


## Cuchculan

And so say all of us.

----------


## 1

Oi

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1

Tick Tock

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Bloop

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Maybeh

----------


## Cuchculan

Invisible posts again. Can't post images.

----------


## 1

:Razz:

----------


## sweetful

:silly:

----------


## 1

Bleep

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1

Ten

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Nyahhh

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Mad hatter :;

----------


## 1

This world..

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Around and around  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

We Go?

----------


## 1

No

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## 1

Maybe

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

Strange

----------


## 1

Verrry Strange

----------


## Cuchculan

Invisible posts

----------


## 1

Eeek

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

It's time for the boogie woogie

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy old day out there

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

Rain and more rain

----------


## 1

Let it rain

----------


## Cuchculan

Rains in between showers here

----------


## 1

:Rain:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Na

----------


## Cuchculan

Yawns and streatches

----------


## 1

Bleep

----------


## Cuchculan

Blopp

----------


## 1

:lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock: 
 :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock: 
 :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:

----------


## Cuchculan

That is Mad

----------


## 1

Nooo

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness resumes

----------


## 1

Endless

----------


## Cuchculan

Site down for you too earlier?

----------


## 1

Nope, was asleep when it was down

----------


## Cuchculan

We got a security alert. Kind of amusing. Telling us the site was not safe.

----------


## 1

xD

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Dam

----------


## Cuchculan

Dum

----------


## 1

Roll Over, roll over

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1

Haunted basement

----------


## Cuchculan

No. Invisible Posts

----------


## 1

Again

----------


## Cuchculan

And Again

----------


## 1

Nuu

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning madness

----------


## 1

Achoo

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Ness

----------


## Cuchculan

Gardening makes me crazy

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I. Feel. Cold as a razorblade. Tight as a tourniquet. Dry as a funeral drum.

----------


## Cuchculan

What a cracking day out there. Crazy weather. Even got a cycle in.

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Sagan

NO. Goddmaned spinning head eitgh no control. still spinning oh my

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## 1

Eh

----------


## Cuchculan

He returns

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Har

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Bleh

----------


## 1

Bleh

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Blah. Blah. Blah.

----------


## 1

0123

----------


## Cuchculan

Amen

----------


## 1

Bah

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Blah, thank the gods it's Friday

but blah

----------


## Cuchculan

Boom

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Honk.

----------


## 1

#666

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh. #777

----------


## 1

Idk

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Look mummy there's an aeroplane up in the sky.

(+10 pts if you get this reference)

----------


## Cuchculan

Mew

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meow

----------


## 1

Ah
Ah
Ah
Ahhh
Chooooo

----------


## Cuchculan

Boo

----------


## 1

Coldness

----------


## InvisibleGuy

It's so fluffy I think I'm gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------


## Sagan

You're all Crazy!!!!





























Talkers  :Razz:

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Guilty as charged lmao

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

10%

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad Man

----------


## sweetful

it's a mad mad ting

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness they call it madness

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## sweetful

cray cray

----------


## Cuchculan

Crow

----------


## 1

B00m

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## sweetful

Rock on like you're off your rocker! Oww!  :Guitarist2:

----------


## Cuchculan

Rock hard, rock animal

----------


## 1

Bloop

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Blah  :Razz:

----------


## 1

Ugh...

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

:Bah

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Smh

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Crazeee Taaaalk

----------


## Cuchculan

I wanna Rock

----------


## 1

**This post has been removed for violating site guidelines**

----------


## Cuchculan

Insane

----------


## 1

Ayyy

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy

----------


## 1

Talk

----------


## Cuchculan

I hate doctors

----------


## 1

*Resist*

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning has broken

----------


## 1

World Atlas Collapsed

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

Round & Round

----------


## Cuchculan

Half Time in the football

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

Blip

----------


## 1

@.@

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## 1

*Burp*

----------


## Cuchculan

Yar

----------


## 1

Boom  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

The day they shot me down, down, down.

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad man

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

Nothing

----------


## Cuchculan

You mad, me mad, we all bloody mad.

----------


## 1

Ahhhhh

----------


## Cuchculan

Invisible posts again

----------


## 1

Lack of motivation blergh

----------


## Cuchculan

Pump those arms

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh. Bleh. Blah. Blek.

----------


## Cuchculan

Road Runner

----------


## 1

Too bad

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning Madness

----------


## 1

It's only a matter of time

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad men

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Long you live and high you fly 
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry 
And all you touch and all you see 
Is all your life will ever be.

----------


## Cuchculan

Our house, in the middle of the street.

----------


## 1

::

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

The Real Mad Thread

----------


## 1

Welcome to Hell

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I miss her.

I really, really miss her

I miss her a lot. A whole lot.

----------


## 1

Rawr

----------


## Sagan

I am going to kill myself. I need help







I really need help. please.

----------


## Cuchculan

The End

----------


## 1

U ok, Sagan?

----------


## Cuchculan

Watching Aussie Rules football till 9 tonight. Quick visit for now during break.

----------


## 1

*Watches a silent film*

----------


## Cuchculan

That is two games done with.

----------


## 1

B
a
m

----------


## InvisibleGuy

America Ninja Warrior is a really, really stupid show. Really. I lose IQ points every time I watch it.

----------


## 1

"All opponents get knocked off the stage will have their universe erased from existence"

----------


## Cuchculan

Amen

----------


## 1

Nema

----------


## Cuchculan

Sis

----------


## 1

Idk

----------


## Cuchculan

Rain

----------


## 1

:no comment:

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

:Bah

----------


## InvisibleGuy

We'reAllMadHere.jpg

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Reply To Thread

----------


## Cuchculan

Reply With Quote

----------


## 1

*Burp*

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Blah, blah, blah

----------


## 1

Waaaaaaaaaaaat

----------


## Cuchculan

Madddddddddd

----------


## Chantellabella

It's been said that pigeons make great lawyers. 

I don't know. 


I think the jury's still out on that.

----------


## Chantellabella

Exponential explanations of toe nail clippings are the real meaning of the foot

----------


## Chantellabella

Semi-spiffy bowling balls cause great chaos in roundtable committees. 

It's pretty horrifying when you think about it.

----------


## Cuchculan

Now that was crazy. You rebel.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Now that was crazy. You rebel.



It's a residual state of creaminess. I tried getting a vaccine for it, but alas they haven't invented it yet

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Beep

----------


## 1

Nom Nom Nom

----------


## Cuchculan

Football is back. Get in there.

----------


## 1

Page 249

----------


## Chantellabella

Beep beep? When did you guys build a highway through here? Do I have to get a special license to drive here?

And yaaaaaasss football is coming back! Life will be geaux saints sweet again

----------


## Chantellabella

> Page 249



You beat me to the most posts! Good going!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Football is back. Get in there.



And you jumped ahead in posts too! The Chanty/Sagan race is kaput!

----------


## Sagan

Coralmack suffers with his long green shin!

----------


## Chantellabella

> Coralmack suffers with his long green shin!



Ah the coralmack! It's been quite some time since he split that atom. Earth hasn't been the same since. 

I miss Earth. 

But look on the bright side. Kumquats are now being used as currency in many diplomatic countries.

There's always that.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of cat fur, I pondered mayonnaise. 

It's white and spreads well on toast.

News at 11.

----------


## Sagan

Lmao.  it's Wonderful to see you posting  ::):

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

Flakes

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Snowflakes? What kinda flakes?

*ducks under cover*

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad not bad

----------


## Chantellabella

I met a kiwi once. Not the fruit, but the small cute animal. 

He looked up at me and said, "Aye! Will you pass me the salt?"

I'll never forget that encounter.

It was magical.

----------


## 1

0ab43ihbte4ithbgekyhj,4w3brs

----------


## Cuchculan

I walked into a bar once. It hurt. It was an Iron bar.

----------


## 1

Do Do Do Do Do

----------


## Chantellabella

> Do Do Do Do Do



Re? Re? Re? Re? Re? Re?

Liked your joke, Cuchculan! :-)

----------


## Chantellabella

The answer is D..........all of the above.

Am I close?

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Don't get mad get even  ::): 

Or. Just move on.

----------


## Cuchculan

crazy-guy.jpg

----------


## Chantellabella

It's been brought to my attention that cantaloupe have a secret society. They meet on Thursdays, which is odd.

One would assume that a cantaloupe meeting would best be attended on a Friday.

Not sure what the world is coming to. So much chaos in the cantaloupe world.

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad as a hatter

----------


## 1

Lalala

----------


## Cuchculan

Land

----------


## 1

0ink

----------


## Chantellabella

It's official.

I lost my knowledge of forum mojo. I can't make my profile do amazing things again. I forgot how to use the Emoji's.

I'm a hazbin forum member. (and I don't remember how to spell has been!!!) 

Oh the humanity! 

I think I'll go get an expresso. That should fix my emoji/profile background problem.

----------


## Chantellabella

Background fixed after pushing 400 buttons.

Emojis will have to wait.


Crazy talk commence...............

----------


## Chantellabella

I wasn't sure whatever happened to the band committee.

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock! 

Yes Captain.

What's that large glowing object headed our way?

----------


## Chantellabella

Unknown, Captain

Mr. Sulu! Ram it!

But Captain, we don't know if they are friendly or hostile. In fact, we know nothing about them. They might be boy scouts just trying to cross an old lady across the galaxy.

Full ton torpedos, Mr. Chekov!

But Captain! 

I said fire!!!!

----------


## 1

0wdnwi3tneiurjt4i5

----------


## Cuchculan

Talk about turning 1 post into 5.

----------


## 1

Lets all do the hokey pokey  ::

----------


## Cuchculan

No. Please No.

----------


## 1

:lock:

----------


## Cuchculan

Dance little monkey Dance

----------


## 1

:Smoke:

----------


## Cuchculan

Bond? James Bond?

----------


## 1

*Burp*

----------


## Chantellabella

> Lets all do the hokey pokey



At your service.....

You put your right hand in
You take your right hand out
You put your right hand in
Then you shake it all about

You do the hokey pokey
Then you turn yourself around

That's what it's all about!

Ok, let's analyze this

Wtf are you doing teasing people with your right hand??!! Is there some commitment issues here? 

Or is it short term memory problems? Like did you forget which place...in or out.....was the better place for your right hand?

And why are you shaking your right hand all about? Is it on fire? Did you stick it in a bee hive?

What's the purpose of a follow-up dance? Is this some sick beehive dance brought on by an allergic reaction to bee stings? 

I guess it would explain the "out there" need to yell "and that's what it's all about!"

It's all sort of a bad acid trip now that I think about it. Not that I know what a bad acid trip is all about. :o:):

----------


## 1

Baaaaaad

----------


## Cuchculan

Crazy

----------


## Chantellabella

It's come to my attention that rocks think they are better than sticks.

I'm not sure what lead to this sense of entitlement. Perhaps the rocks believe that they are bigger, heavier, and more aerodynamic, giving them a physical advantage.

But personally, I believe that there is a basic equality of value, belovedness, and creaminess inherit in both species.

As for their disagreement. ..

I believe we should let them beat the [BEEP] out of each other and survivors win. :bopa:

----------


## 1

:-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

:decision:

----------


## 1

:lock:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

:lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:  :lock:

----------


## Cuchculan

Dance little monkey dance

----------


## Chantellabella

Standard testing on the relevance of mustard has really jump started the whole pigeon revolution. 

Before that, they were content with any standards. 

Now if it isn't dijon it's not worth eating and crapping.

Mankind must take notice because it's much easier to clean brown pigeon crap off your windshield than it is the yellow version.

News at 11.

----------


## Cuchculan

Interesting

----------


## 1

:Gun:

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

Crazyy Talk Du Du Du Du Du Du Du Crazy Talk Du Du Du Du Du

----------


## Cuchculan

Lala

----------


## 1

Laaaalaaaaaa

----------


## Cuchculan

Land

----------


## 1

:Guitarist3:

----------


## Cuchculan

Pointless

----------


## 1

BANG

----------


## Cuchculan

Yawns

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Nyaahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Hum

----------


## 1

Psst

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

:Bah

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Dam

----------


## Chantellabella

Pelicans and penguins should be accepted into dental school if they so aspire to such a career

----------


## 1

Peek a Buu

----------


## Chantellabella

> Peek a Buu



 ::!: 

Do you know what I do with people who surprise me? 

I beat them with a large bat  :bopa: 
Drop bricks on them  :bricks: 
Then drop them in the swamp so the alligators will get rid of the evidence.

But today (just today) I'll let it slide. 

Besides. I can't be violent today. It's Thursday.

----------


## 1

Which day are u the most violent? Let me guess, it's Monday  :-_-:

----------


## Cuchculan

Here we go again

----------


## 1

The hokey pokey, one more time!

----------


## Cuchculan

Oh, after you,

----------


## 1

:no comment:

----------


## Chantellabella

Standard hokey pokey procedures have driven polar ice caps to melt. 

It's true.

Ask Sagan. He knows.

----------


## 1

:lock:  :Evil Banana:

----------


## InvisibleGuy

:zzzz: 

I can't believe my oldest daughter loves Hello Kitty so much. The girl once spent a chunk of her bday money (I forget how much) on a leather Hello Kitty backpack.

It was pretty badass though, I gotta admit.

Her bday is coming up. I have no ideas yet. None....

----------


## 1

When I was younger, I remember I drew a smiley face on my sis Hello Kitty toy cuz I thought she was missing a mouth

----------


## InvisibleGuy

> When I was younger, I remember I drew a smiley face on my sis Hello Kitty toy cuz I thought she was missing a mouth



That's just not right. My oldest would want to have a talk with you lol. You don't deface Hello Kitty. You just don't do it....

 :zzzz:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Beep

----------


## 1

Midnight dancing

----------


## Cuchculan

Sleep little Monkey sleep

----------


## 1

Mad

----------


## Cuchculan

Auusie Rules football day

----------


## 1

Ooooonnnnne

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Chantellabella

Cannibalism can be seen as a fine cuisine.


Personally, I prefer woodchuck chops.

----------


## Chantellabella

I miss Stanley the Spammer.

We had a moment.

----------


## Chantellabella

First the earth cooled.


Then spongecake arose.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think, therefore I have to pay my credit card bill.

Damn thoughts!

----------


## Chantellabella

I have encroached on a vewy vewy important quest.

Elmer Fudd is my father's cousin, twice removed.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just when you thought the antelope were shopping at Walmart.............boom! They were seen at Target! 

Oh the horror!

----------


## Chantellabella

It's open season on toe nail clippings.

I mean, we can't have those things just multiplying, can we? 

Do you think we need a license?

----------


## Chantellabella

It's very fundamental..............


chickens are suspicious.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why oh why can't ostriches fly??!!!


I'm so sad for them.

----------


## Chantellabella

The jury's out............

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock!!!! What's that goo on the windshield???

----------


## Chantellabella

It's Mr. Scott, Captain. He went out for a breath of fresh air.

----------


## Chantellabella

I think that humanity should be held accountable for the billions and billions of amoeba deaths.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cross-country fly swatting should be an olympic sport

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, toilet paper will be only 1/2 ply.

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr Sulu! Report!

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain, the enterprise is sinking.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sinking? How is that possible?

----------


## Chantellabella

Well, you did ask me to land in the nearest swamp.

----------


## Chantellabella

I said swamp hole, you idiot! Not swamp!

----------


## 1

666

----------


## Chantellabella

> 666



Into paisley? My sofa looks like that

----------


## 1

Lalalala

----------


## Cuchculan

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with

----------


## 1

7/11

----------


## Cuchculan

You sleep typing again?

----------


## 1

Being a night owl these past few days

----------


## Cuchculan

Hoot Hoot

----------


## 1

::\:

----------


## Cuchculan

Boo

----------


## 1

:lock:  :Evil Banana:  :banana guy:

----------


## Cuchculan

Dance little monkey dance

----------


## 1



----------


## InvisibleGuy

^ You sexy beast  ::D:

----------


## 1

To the left


And to the right

----------


## Cuchculan

The Monkey Damces

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Monkeys. We don't need no stinkin monkeys. We need apes.

Apes.png

----------


## Cuchculan

And he smokes

----------


## InvisibleGuy

It's a bad habit of mine

----------


## 1

...

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Don't judge me. Love me.  ::D:

----------


## 1

:sparkles:  Free drugs for every1

----------


## InvisibleGuy

:Thank you:

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

All Mad

----------


## 1

All Day

----------


## Cuchculan

Pulling another all nighter?

----------


## 1

Almost did..

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Bleh.

Meh.

Blah.

Life sucks right now. It sucks.

----------


## Cuchculan

you are Mad

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Woo hoo  ::D:

----------


## 1



----------


## InvisibleGuy

Lol, that's pretty awesome.

----------


## 1

::

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Why am I so fascinated by celebrities? Esp Laura Prepon? Wtf? The girl is fine as fuq, omg.

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## Cuchculan

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

----------


## 1

:screen punch:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness is all in the Mind

----------


## 1

Blah

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## 1

Rawr

----------


## Cuchculan

3 of every post again?

----------


## 1

Apple Pecan Salad

----------


## Cuchculan

I agree

----------


## 1

Mhm

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah Blah Blah

----------


## 1

Blahhhh

----------


## Cuchculan

You changed your avatar. Now I won't get you two mixed up again. Had similar avatars and I thought it was the one person posting to himself. LOL

----------


## 1

Ah, is that why u were asking about the multiple posts?

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes. Your Avatars were nearly the same. I actually thought it was him asking himself questions and answering them himself. LOL. Now that is crazy.

----------


## 1

Crayyyyzayyyyyyy

----------


## sweetful

cray cray

----------


## 1

Cray

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not above penguins to be snooty about their formal wear.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, spaghetti will be eaten with meat squares rather than meatballs.

Thank you.

----------


## Chantellabella

Contemplating catsup is the main focus of the tomato support group.

----------


## Chantellabella

I figured it out!

The answer is the square root of pi times 3.

----------


## Chantellabella

Bowling balls.

Where are all the bowling balls?

So sad.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the iguana leapt into the air and we never saw him again.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stanless steel paper clips are only fashionable in 5 star hotels. The rest of the hotels just get to lick their fingers and stick things together with spit.

----------


## Chantellabella

Five.

No more.


No less.

Five.


Unless it's six.

----------


## Chantellabella

Tennis balls are not thrilled to be left out of most social circles.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kumquat expresso! 

Yum!

----------


## Chantellabella

Charge!


Oh wait!

Who are we fighting?

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not unlike the antelope to stand on a precipice and whiz.

----------


## Chantellabella

Charles?  Is that you, Charles??

Did you put out the trash, Charles?

----------


## Chantellabella

First came the kiwi.

Then the earth cooled.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's truly suspicious when the phone rings. 

Like who the [BEEP] is there??!! 

Yeah.

----------


## Chantellabella

Tense cats ate my dog.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the floor became very crowded with noodles. 

So............many...............noodles.

----------


## Otherside

> Tense cats ate my dog.



Tired pigs ate the tense cats. Then ate apple pie for desert. 

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

----------


## 1

Rawwwr

----------


## Chantellabella

> Tired pigs ate the tense cats. Then ate apple pie for desert. 
> 
> Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk



Yes, the tired pigs. I tried to give them vitamins.

Alas. They were just too tired to open the bottle.

----------


## Chantellabella

Squeezing oatmeal through panty hose can up the nutrition count of each spoonful.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Rawwwr



No lions. 

The door clearly has a sign.

----------


## Chantellabella

It's not very well known, but Spongebob Square Pants was my cousin twice removed.

----------


## Chantellabella

They gingerly stepped across the field of jamba juice. It didn't help. They were still savagely sucked into the vortex.

----------


## Chantellabella

Joy to the world..............the onion rings!

----------


## Chantellabella

I say to you, kind sir.............please remove your toe cheese off my cracker.

----------


## Chantellabella

My marigold ate your marigold. I apologize.

----------


## Otherside

> My marigold ate your marigold. I apologize.



Apology accepted. 

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

----------


## Chantellabella

> Apology accepted. 
> 
> Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk



Too kind, lovely lady. 

Now would you be so kind again, as to fetch my giraffe? He seems to have wandered somewhere.

----------


## Chantellabella

The Justice League called. 

They have also misplaced a giraffe. 

Geez.............what are the odds?

----------


## Chantellabella

I wasn't sure why the pigeons called a special session, but I approve of their staunch commitment

----------


## Chantellabella

It's neither here nor there. 

So basically it doesn't exist?

----------


## Chantellabella

Spock!

Yes, Captain?

----------


## Chantellabella

Why is Mr. Sulu steering us into the sun?

----------


## Chantellabella

No sure, Captain.

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Sulu. Why are you steering the Enterprise into the sun?

----------


## Chantellabella

Mr. Sulu?

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh Mr. Sulu??!!

----------


## Otherside

> Too kind, lovely lady. 
> 
> Now would you be so kind again, as to fetch my giraffe? He seems to have wandered somewhere.



He probably went to the park with my elephant. The two of them always seem to be together. 

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh, sorry Captain.

I thought I saw a big yellow dot

----------


## Chantellabella

> He probably went to the park with my elephant. The two of them always seem to be together. 
> 
> Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk



You know.............I've been meaning to talk to you about your elephant. 

I think he's a bad influence on my giraffe.

----------


## Chantellabella

Maybe 1's Lion would be a better influence. I'm going to have to start doing background checks on these creatures before letting them around my giraffe.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticking whole cantelopes up your nose is probably not a good idea

----------


## Chantellabella

The fur!!! 

The fur!!!!


When will the madness end??!!

----------


## 1

﻿

----------


## Chantellabella

Billions and billions of years ago, there were billions and billions of something.

----------


## Chantellabella

> ﻿



An invisible helicopter.

Correct! For 200 points!

----------


## Chantellabella

The crumbly sweet stuff is the best part of a pigeon salad.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cataloging R's is a favorite pastime of the New Guinea tribe.

----------


## Chantellabella

Constantinople was a very great something. Not sure what.

----------


## Chantellabella

Crocheting thumb warmers was my hobby before I took up spear fishing.

----------


## Chantellabella

Look!!! 


Air!!!!!!


That is all.

----------


## Chantellabella

Locus ate my asparagus.

I was not pleased.

----------


## Chantellabella

So I organized a local locust explosion group.

----------


## Chantellabella

No one came.

----------


## Chantellabella

And I had pie.

----------


## Chantellabella

Sad.

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. I'll go this way and you go that way.


Then we'll meet in the middle.

----------


## Chantellabella

When the attorneys met, they discussed toe fungus. 

It was quite an expensive discussion.

----------


## Chantellabella

Staring out over the full moon horizon, I puked Cheerios.

----------


## Chantellabella

The end.

Now children, turn out the lights, open your closet doors,..........

And prepare to die!

----------


## 1

1,2,3

----------


## Cuchculan

My Lord

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Arrrgh

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach for sale!! Get your hot spinach here!

----------


## Chantellabella

Tail spinning in an Uber can be quite the fun coaster ride.

----------


## Chantellabella

I once saw a man. 

A human man. 


And a woman.


Quite the interesting day.

----------


## Chantellabella

Then it bounced off the roof and a crow ate it. 


I was very impressed.

----------


## Chantellabella

And horrified.

----------


## Chantellabella

But mostly impressed.

----------


## Chantellabella

I believe that strolling down the street was the reason for all mankind's destructive tendencies. 

Damn the street!

----------


## Chantellabella

Woe to the acorns!!!

I say, woe!

----------


## Chantellabella

Can't believe it's not hair gel!

----------


## Chantellabella

Then the tiger ate my left shoe.

I was not pleased.

----------


## Chantellabella

At the pigeon conference, Ralph asked for a motion.

Because everyone just bobbed their heads up and down, he thought they voted yes.

Sadly, the motion was passed.

And from that point on, pigeons wore suspenders. 

Alas.

----------


## 1

Waku Waku

----------


## Cuchculan

Wee

----------


## 1

"Quote"

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## 1

Midnight Silence & Mist

----------


## Cuchculan

Dance me till the end of time

----------


## 1

Tick Tock

----------


## Cuchculan

Said the old clock

----------


## 1

Read that as something else..

----------


## Chantellabella

"Ground control to Major Tom."

David Bowie was a crazy talker. Hm.

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Car horn

----------


## 1

Darkness again

----------


## Cuchculan

Daylight Again

----------


## 1

Zzz

----------


## Cuchculan

Late night for you

----------


## 1

7 11

----------


## Cuchculan

Sleep writing again?

----------


## 1

Nahh

Ooga Booga

----------


## Cuchculan

I wanna rock

----------


## 1

Til the sun sets

----------


## Chantellabella

Cosmopolitan asteroids are quite the fashion these days. 

Regular asteroids are pretty just yesterday.

----------


## Chantellabella

Counting the hair folicles in the doormat.

Counting the folicles.

----------


## Chantellabella

First they stepped on the chicken.

Then they apologized and invited him to dinner. 

He was suspicious.

----------


## Chantellabella

Crowded subway bathroom stalls isn't pleasant.

Except on Thursdays.

Thursday are ok.

----------


## Chantellabella

This just in.

Stamps.


News at 11.

----------


## Chantellabella

Many creamy meatballs are standing in the pot.

Down came the sauce and stopped them on the spot.

Out came the spoon and scooped up all the loose 

Then came the boy scout snorting up the juice.

----------


## Chantellabella

Verifying pumpkin bread crumbs is a very important government job.

And it has retirement benefits.

----------


## Chantellabella

Crunch the Magic Dragon

Lives, farts, and pees.

Something something something something


Down on Honnalee

----------


## Chantellabella

Straight talk wireless...............


What else would it be? Sideways mime wireless?

----------


## Chantellabella

One fish
Two fish
Red fish
Pirranha

Clown fish
Blow fish
Cat fish
Your mama

----------


## Chantellabella

Let us all comtemplate walls.

----------


## Chantellabella

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who sat on a pound of butta
He slid off 

The end

----------


## Chantellabella

I'm drowning!
I'm drowning!
Said the water buffalo

----------


## Chantellabella

Not on my watch!

I'll save you mighty water buffalo!

----------


## Chantellabella

Stop! In the name of cantelope!

I said stop!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Ok. You can go now.

----------


## Chantellabella

Why oh why do blue birds poop?

----------


## Chantellabella

First it was the toaster.

Then the microwave.


Now it's the light switches.


I just hate when they go on vacation. You'd think they would be considerate and space their vacations around each other.

----------


## Chantellabella

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy wuzzy ate some Nair
Then fuzzy wuzzy puked with flair

----------


## 1

Fuzzy Wuzzy went to the fair

----------


## Cuchculan

That girl must be bloody bored

----------


## Chantellabella

> That girl must be bloody bored



No. When I'm bored, I go out and crush souls.


Crazy talk is an art form.

I'm expressing art.

Carry on.

----------


## Cuchculan

Interesting.

----------


## 1

Meep

----------


## Cuchculan

Road Runner

----------


## 1

Can hear someone pukin

----------


## Cuchculan

Is not me

----------


## 1

:damn kids:

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1



----------


## Cuchculan

Whacky

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Chantellabella

It started with a whisper


Then it grew louder


And louder


And louder



Ok. Gas is gone.

----------


## Chantellabella

Woe to the ancient catfish!

Just woe

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticks and stones do break bones.


I'm serious.

----------


## Chantellabella

When wallabies migrate, they do so in a ritual dance.

It looks something like the Hokey Pokey.


Only different.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cross training scarecrows learn to be tinmen

----------


## Chantellabella

Then I saw them drag the poor coffee table across the room.


It was horrifying.

----------


## Chantellabella

Special spinach speaks volumes

----------


## Chantellabella

In the very most singular moment in man's existence




their cell phone died

----------


## Chantellabella

When the tiny seedling grew into a mighty oak tree, the bird built a nest.

Then it [BEEP] on the mighty oak.


The tree was not pleased.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 5009.65


We are in Romulan space and I think we're not supposed to be here.

Shh! Be vewy vewy quiet.

----------


## Chantellabella

Captain!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Shhh!!!! Shush!!!! Sh! Sh! Mr. Chekov!!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

But Captain

----------


## Chantellabella

*whispers* Yes, Mr. Chekov?

----------


## Chantellabella

*whispers back*  Your hot pocket is ready.

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Good God

----------


## 1

Harhar

----------


## Cuchculan

Me Hardy

----------


## 1

:Fish:

----------


## Cuchculan

Fishy

----------


## 1

:Gun:

----------


## Cuchculan

Dies

----------


## 1

:no comment:

----------


## Chantellabella

So this guy wearing a green suit calls the penguin over.

"Yo! Penguin!"

"Yesssss??" replies the fowl (bird? mammal? marsupial? whatever............penguin).


"Where did you get that stylish belly button?"

The penguin looks down.

"Belly button? I have a belly button?"

----------


## Chantellabella

I wasn't sure what happened to the eggplant. I watched it grow and then poof! 

It exploded. 


I didn't have it in the microwave or anything.  ::s:

----------


## Chantellabella

The general stood silently on the precipice.

He watched the clouds roll in and heard thunder.

It rained on him.

----------


## Chantellabella

The chickens formed a circle around the farmer.

"We want more chicken feed!" yelled the head chicken.

The farmer stared her down.



Then ate her.

The chickens have not been restless since.

----------


## 1

*Burpz*

----------


## Cuchculan

The night stalker appears again. LOL

----------


## 1

Boogie to the left 

Then boogie to the right

----------


## Cuchculan

madnessman_zps5a3ef04e.jpg

madness

----------


## Chantellabella

Stoic barbells are pretty stoic.

----------


## 1

Yaas

----------


## Chantellabella

The kitchen appliances had a meeting. The toaster raised his glass and made a speech. 



Think about that for a minute.

----------


## Chantellabella

The can opened slowly with a creak.

Beings rushed in on soft paws, licking their lips.

Drooling. Drooling. 


Breakfast time in my house.

----------


## Chantellabella

It happened one sparkling June morning. The dew was still on the leaves. 


The mailman knocking on the door. 


Oh the horror!

----------


## Chantellabella

Crunchy creamy bits of cardboard is basically what's in my cereal bowl.

----------


## Chantellabella

Groundskeeper!! Groundskeeper!

I'm in need of a small hoe! 


Yo, Groundkeeper!



(I actually went into a Home Depot one time and asked the guy to tell me where he kept his small hoes. His expression was hilarious! I really did need a small hoe, though)

----------


## Chantellabella

Woe to the cantelope. Tis round and crunchy.

Woe.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stapling one's eyelid to one's eyebrow, is not a good idea.


Ever.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stardate 66.000.39393. 1/2

Spock entry:

We are approaching an unknown planet. Captain Kirk has been emoting for hours and we're not sure whether it's gas or demon possession. Mr. Sulu shot him with a phaser, but the dramatic writhing has not ceased yet.

Mr. Sulu, can you set the phaser to stronger stun?

Sir, if I crank it up higher I might kill the Captain.

That's ok. 

Sir?

Yeah. That's ok. I can't take the drama any longer.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of life, I witness stunning displays of by-products. 

Like seriously, what IS that yellow squared thing in wrappers called cheese "product??"

----------


## Chantellabella

First the pigeons took a vote and unanimously, the sidewalk was accepted as a suitable landing spot. 

Woe to the poor old lady feeding birds under that tree.

----------


## Chantellabella

Kiwis are cute
Kiwis are furry
Kiwis drink vodka
Then pee in a hurry

----------


## Chantellabella

Crumbling buckets o'phlegm!

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, the letter 0 will be removed from all sentences.

"h n!" said the slth. Hw will I ze?

----------


## Chantellabella

Out! *mic drop*

----------


## Chantellabella

Oh, don't forget to tip your server!

Out again! *pick up mic. drop it again*

----------


## 1

Dah

----------


## Chantellabella

Sweeping through. Sweeping through.

Pardon me.

Sweeping through.

----------


## 1

Beep Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## 1

Bang Bang was heard

----------


## Cuchculan

Shooting?

----------


## Chantellabella

Bloated blow fish need Tums.

That's all they need.

Then they wouldn't be so vicious.

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Sagan

I want my damn switches back. You have 37 minutes and I'm coming after you. You mustard sandwich hole!

----------


## 1

Wham

----------


## Sagan

wait a minute here. What am I even saying. Holy conol III hey Fiber in your diet? well then .

----------


## Sagan

Hmm south in the building like dark rises moisture storm.

----------


## Sagan

Castlegate. For the wilderness senses all.

----------


## 1

Beeeep

----------


## Sagan

YOu know I wow. I just I am really confused. what do these people want?

----------


## 1

023yg4r3u4hrb3ibtwi

----------


## Cuchculan

OK

----------


## Chantellabella

> I want my damn switches back. You have 37 minutes and I'm coming after you. You mustard sandwich hole!



I will give you back your switches when you return my lawn mower, you catsup bagel kumquat! 

 ::):

----------


## Chantellabella

> wait a minute here. What am I even saying. Holy conol III hey Fiber in your diet? well then .



Yes, fiber is crucial in times of much crisis. You do NOT want to lose your [BEEP] under pressure. Like during a zombie apocolypse. Not that they can trace you by the smell, but still.

----------


## 1

Beep Beep *BOOM*

----------


## Cuchculan

Lordy Lord

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

No
o

----------


## Cuchculan

Whacky Racers

----------


## 1

*Burp*

----------


## Cuchculan

Pardon

----------


## 1

Nooope

----------


## Cuchculan

Farts

----------


## 1

Pardon  :Crossed Arms:

----------


## Cuchculan

Burps

----------


## 1

Beeeep

----------


## Cuchculan

Bipp

----------


## 1

*Yawnz*

----------


## Cuchculan

Go to bed man

----------


## 1

M0rnin, where's my breakfast

----------


## Cuchculan

In my stomach

----------


## 1

:bat:

----------


## Cuchculan

Haha

----------


## 1

Tch

----------


## Cuchculan

TBH

----------


## 1

TBA

----------


## Cuchculan

That too

----------


## 1

POW

----------


## Chantellabella

Small children make great ottomans.

----------


## Chantellabella

Preconceived notions of gum drops have brought us ever closer to annilihation

----------


## Chantellabella

Sticky stuff is sticky

----------


## Chantellabella

Quarter past the hour is just a fancy way of saying you're not sure what time it is, what day it is, and who you are

----------


## Chantellabella

Spinach doughnuts didn't last long

----------


## Chantellabella

They were last seen crawling out of the tissue box. 

Eww!

----------


## Chantellabella

Staunch envelopes never mingle with the flimsy ones

----------


## 1

Click Here

----------


## Chantellabella

> Click Here



Click

----------


## Chantellabella

Joy to the world

The crawfish wings!

----------


## 1



----------


## Chantellabella

And then the baby bear said.................

That [BEEP] just broke my fucking chair!

----------


## 1

Nyaaahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Yawns

----------


## 1

Boogie

----------


## Cuchculan

Scratches

----------


## 1

____________________

----------------------------
____________________

----------


## Cuchculan

The bank wouldn't cash it.

----------


## 1

*Laughs in Satan*

----------


## Cuchculan

Wee

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Boom

----------


## 1

Ahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Ha?

----------


## 1

Kek

----------


## Cuchculan

KKK

----------


## 1

:screen punch:

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning mad man. I see the assassins failed.

----------


## 1

Crazeeeee Taalk

----------


## Cuchculan

Mad

----------


## 1

Ness

----------


## Cuchculan

They

----------


## 1

Hell is here

----------


## Cuchculan

No. It is there

----------


## 1

It is everywhere!

----------


## Cuchculan

All around you

----------


## 1

Noooodlez

----------


## Cuchculan

Pot?

----------


## 1

*Dies*

----------


## Cuchculan

Buries You

----------


## 1

Nah, cremation preferred pls

----------


## Cuchculan

Ashes to Ashes

----------


## 1

Gone with the wind

----------


## Cuchculan

Oh Miss Scarlet

----------


## 1

o.o

----------


## Cuchculan

(o y o )

----------


## 1

@__@

----------


## Cuchculan

Stop looking at me like that.

----------


## 1

<_<

----------


## Cuchculan

Weeeeee

----------


## 1

*Pukez*

----------


## Cuchculan

Sounds like fun

----------


## 1

Madness

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Madness argh

----------


## Cuchculan

Look the song ' Madness ' up on you tube. Is sang by a band called ' Madness '. From the early 80's.

----------


## 1

Ya I know, I thought u were saying it outta random in the beginning  :Guitarist3:

----------


## Cuchculan

Classic song

----------


## 1

:Evil Banana:

----------


## Cuchculan

Dance Craze

----------


## 1

Dance the pain away !

----------


## Cuchculan

Or the Night away.

----------


## 1

Whee

----------


## Cuchculan

Yehay

----------


## 1

C

----------


## 1

r

----------


## 1

a

----------


## 1

z

----------


## 1

y

----------


## 1

T

----------


## 1

a.

----------


## 1

l

----------


## 1

k

----------


## Cuchculan

F

----------


## 1

:Gaming:

----------


## Cuchculan

OK.

----------


## 1

OK

----------


## 1

Mmk

----------


## 1

Oik

----------


## 1

K

----------


## Cuchculan

weird

----------


## Cuchculan

Still weird

----------


## 1

Very Weird

----------


## InvisibleGuy

stranger things  ::D:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Bah

----------


## Cuchculan

Humbug

----------


## 1

Beep Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

He's back

----------


## 1

0au3ihtui5htu4yugy4ghu

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Time 4 le boogie woogie

----------


## Cuchculan

Bad not Mad

----------


## 1

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

----------


## Cuchculan

Blah

----------


## 1

*Burrp*

----------


## Cuchculan

Bless you

----------


## 1

*Hisses*

----------


## Cuchculan

Should have used a P

----------


## 1

:Rain:

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## 1

Crazyyy

----------


## Cuchculan

Train

----------


## 1

Pumpkin pie is now extinct

----------


## Cuchculan

About Time too

----------


## 1

NO

----------


## Cuchculan

But Yes

----------


## 1

Pumpkin pie shall be immortal

----------


## Cuchculan

Never

----------


## 1

Ta dahh

----------


## Cuchculan

Da Do

----------


## 1

Boom

----------


## Cuchculan

Bang

----------


## 1

B
a
n
g

----------


## Cuchculan

G
a
n
g

----------


## Chantellabella

Humanity.


Now that's some crazy talk shit.

----------


## Cuchculan

Tis indeed

----------


## 1

Yah

----------


## Cuchculan

You mad

----------


## Chantellabella

> You mad



Just a tad. 

But not in the fun way.

----------


## Cuchculan

Like myself. Not as mad as Cloud Maker though and her conspiracy theories. LOL

----------


## 1

Ham

----------


## Cuchculan

Damn

----------


## 1

Blahh

----------


## Cuchculan

B;ah

----------


## 1

Oui

----------


## Cuchculan

Ja

----------


## 1

Ja

----------


## Cuchculan

Board

----------


## Chantellabella

Squash. 

The chew food.

----------


## Ironman

> Like myself. Not as mad as Cloud Maker though and her conspiracy theories. LOL



You never know......

Heads up again to the Irish and British - Hurricane Ophelia is headed your way (weakening a bit as it is moving over colder water), and you are going to have a windy rainstorm in a couple of days.

----------


## Cuchculan

Tomorrow and the next day it is meant to hit us. Most people are sheltering in pubs.

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## Cuchculan

Madness

----------


## Chantellabella

Stationary ellipical forces must endure times of great peril before they can reach the infinite state of creaminess.

----------


## Cuchculan

I was about to say that myself

----------


## Chantellabella

> I was about to say that myself



But you didn't so therefore you forfeit. 

Checkmate.

----------


## Cuchculan

Touche

----------


## 1

Burp

----------


## Cuchculan

Some games

----------


## 1

Madne$$

----------


## Cuchculan

They call it Madness

----------


## 1

Bahhh

----------


## Cuchculan

Not been around much. In my sick bed

----------


## Chantellabella

Judging by the level of cream cheese coconut spice bong balls, I'd say there is definitely a shortage of spinach. 

Sad. 

You know, I used to use "sad" and it was crazy talk. Now that it's been misused by others, I think I'll retire it. 

But it's still "crazy talk!" *evil grin*

----------


## 1

Beep

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## CloudMaker

Log lady is displeased!!!

----------


## Chantellabella

Kumquat juice can be highly confused with spaghetti yogurt. 

At least that's what the pigeons told me once.

I'm not sure I agree.

----------


## 1

Bah

----------


## Cuchculan

Aha

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of the lemon spongecake, the pigeon pondered his feet.

----------


## Cuchculan

But his feet were stuck

----------


## Chantellabella

The pigeon agrees.

As evidenced by his head nodding up and down.

----------


## Cuchculan

Exactly

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, squash will be shelved in the paper goods section of grocery stores.

News at eleven.

----------


## Cuchculan

Santa's helpers not working hard this year. Low Elf esteem.

----------


## Chantellabella

> Santa's helpers not working hard this year. Low Elf esteem.



LOL!

Did you know that the Reindeer Guild met last May to discuss seasonal allergies? They started the guild when they saw how bad Rudolph's nose flamed up.

Poor Rudolph.

----------


## Cuchculan

I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand.


It's the blokes with two hands who knock the [BEEP] out of me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Yes. Two handed rock flinging can be dangerous to your health.

However, I've heard that penguins can fling spit balls at such an accelerated rate that it will take out an eye at 40 paces.

----------


## Cuchculan

I've been watching far too much TV lately. 
My dreams have adverts in them now.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I've been listening to negative voices too much lately lol.

You gotta ignore them. People that prey on other people's misfortunes. People that have nothing going for them. Other than to pounce on people when they're down.

I need to shut people like that out.

Everyone does.

That's no bueno man. No good. People like that need to just go away.

Have u ever known someone that just sucks the soul right out of you? Like......you're around them, and then you get tired after you spend time with them?

I know someone like that, on the internet lol.

She just.....sucks the life out of everyone she touches. It's sad. It really is.

----------


## Cuchculan

Hell yeah. Say what.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

And....the thing is.....i'm not the only one lol. Other people see her and steer clear of her. I mean, stay away from her like the fucking plague.

----------


## Cuchculan

The Ex Wife?

----------


## Chantellabella

In a moment of juxtaposition, the kiwis decided to call it a night and then meet over Poptarts the next evening. 

The pigeons were not pleased about this decision and started a petition to have the kiwis sent to a nunnery.

It was all very political.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, corn flakes will be organized in the box by size.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of indecision, the attorney dropped his briefcase.

----------


## Chantellabella

As the wolves howl at the moon, the old year leaves us.

May the new year be different.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Yes. May the new year be different.

I'm not even picky at this point. I don't have specific demands.

Let's just let the new year be....different.

For the love of the gods, please.

----------


## 1

B
e
e
p

----------


## Cuchculan

Morning

----------


## Chantellabella

The pigeons await the New Year with excitement and cheer. So many new cars. So little time.

----------


## Cuchculan

Alas she speaks once more

----------


## Chantellabella

Thrice more in instances of emergency.

This is not an emergency, therefore it will only be twice.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Meh.

----------


## Cuchculan

Yes

----------


## Chantellabella

And now the second.

And then no more.

At least at this moment.

----------


## Cuchculan

I agree

----------


## Chantellabella

> I agree



Sorry, but I won't give you the satisfaction of me leaving this thread.  ::): 

Somebody has to do it right around here.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cantelope do not have the melon balls to get married outside a church.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stopping for a roadside bathroom break is recommended when one is beyond the rim of the cliff.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cabbage Patch dolls are possessed.

I think it's due to all that gas.

----------


## Chantellabella

College can be the first step to a lifetime of debt.

----------


## Chantellabella

Stowing away on a freight train is not recommended if you wish to use both legs in the future.

----------


## Chantellabella

Joshing an antelope is not wise.

----------


## Chantellabella

Crowned crows are growing round.

----------


## Chantellabella

Cloaked sponge bathers baffle me.

----------


## Chantellabella

Just when I thought it was safe to spoon feed rhinos.

----------


## Chantellabella

Jam and french toast. 


Not the breakfast of champions.

----------


## Chantellabella

Pickled pigs toes however, are not the lunch of losers.

----------


## Chantellabella

Shepherding a fox is not recommended.

----------


## Chantellabella

In the interest of mankind, phone calls will be eliminated.

----------


## Chantellabella

Righteous fellows are never right.

----------


## Chantellabella

Standing on the precipice of leaving this place, I bid you to go ahead and trash it now.

Tis just a silly place.

----------


## Cuchculan

I'm turning Rastafarian, but I'm worried about the stress it will put on my hair...

I'm dreading it.

----------


## Cuchculan

I'm returning this invisibility cloak I got for Christmas. 
I just can't see myself wearing it.

----------

