# Anxiety Disorders > Specific Phobias >  >  fear of loss!

## mothermac

Hi Mothermac here,I am a new member and I am just finding my way around  the site,however I have been reading the phobia section today and  thought I would contribute with my particular fear.I don't know if it  has a name but the fear is very real and I think it stems from losing my  father at 11 yrs old way back in 1978. 

He worked abroad in Africa on  the oil and left to go away one day and the next thing I knew the police  took me out of school and told me,it was absolutely horrendous. It took  us ages to get his body home and thanks to the company he worked for  they paid thank god so he is buried here. I was an only child and my mum  reacted so badly that looking back now I think I lost her too in a way.  Getting back to the here and now so I don't bore you all rigid I have a  horrible feeling and panic everytime nearly my husband decides to go  out somewhere,it has only got worse since I had my child in 2003 and I  definitely think that that was the trigger as I now find myself in the  same situation me and mum were in when he isn't here physically. He has a  busy job as an account manager and drives a lot and when I know he is  on the road...

 I worry really badly and I think that is part and parcel of  my anxiety and panic attacks. I tend to phone him (he has got hands free  thank god) and I have made improvements to this area and cut down my  calls as I have known me ring him about 10 times on a short 10 minute  drive which has driven him to distraction,he is patient with me but now  he tends to get really fed up and says my phobia could bring about the  thing that I am most scared of which makes sense(i.e a car accident).   When I think of living in a world without him it can actually bring on a  full blown panic attack so I am my own worst enemy,he says just don't  think about it whatever will be will be but I can't help it  sometimes.Some days are worst than others depending on where he is going  and I have been known to alter my own day just to hitch a lift and  accompany him to his meetings just so I won't sit and home and fume,it's  pathetic really and sad. All his collegues know how daft I am and some  are sympathetic and some are most definitely not (thank christ his boss  was).If he mentions a night out way weeks ahead or a business trip  months in the future I tend to worry about it there and then and make my  life a misery until the dreaded day,it's really bad. 

The gp thinks it's  a fear of loss but is it? it also could be a fear of death,or a fear of  being on my own,my friend thinks it's post traumatic stress linked to  my dad's demise,I just don't know what it is as I used to be so carefree  and happy and today I'm a pain in the a.....e.I just wish I could be  the girl he married again,but hopefully the counselling may help fingers  crossed.

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## L

Hey sweety welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story. Losing your father at such a young age sounds like a really traumatic experience did you ever have someone to talk to about it at that time did you get to understand and deal with your feelings? What you say makes sense about having a fear or loss. How does your husband deal or understand it? Is he supportive? You said that you want to be the person you were when you got married, have things changed or did something trigger how you are feeling now? You don't have to answer anything or if you like you can pm me anytime  ::):  

Take Care
L.x

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## Misssy

Wow....I think you bring up a good point....it is so hard for us to nail down the cause and start of things. If it is situational or if it is biological. This sounds like it could be fear of loss in my opinion based on what you are saying sounds like that could make a whole lot of sense.  (hug)

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## Nara

I lost my friend some years back and ever since I have been absolutely terrified of the thought of people close to me dying. I get terrible anxiety for the smallest things, such as someone not answering the phone. I often get panic attacks when I think that eventually my parents will die and my older siblings are gonna die. It's really tiring and scary.

Also I'm sorry for your loss.

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