# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  femeninity & masculinity bull sheit.

## cosmicrat

I'm extremely irritated and frustrated over some of the established bull [BEEP] standards of beauty and appearance for both females and males. I seriously don't doubt there are some very good, open-minded people like many of you are, but it just seems people can't keep their rude mouth's shut when someone does something slightly out of the norm. It's just, I don't see how people can not understand, there are people who are naturally very inclined towards being feminine, and we expect that out of females, and there are men who are naturally very masculine, but many of us don't seem to grasp there is a large group of people who fit in between these two polar opposites! Our society prides itself on being "diverse" and "accepting" but in reality we've got a long way to go especially on this issue!

I probably feel this ALOT because I've always done things that weren't "standard" female behavior yet I feel like I am no less female than ANY woman out there. I clipper my hair clean off, which yes, is not a feminine thing to do, but do I deserve to get picked on because of that? No I don't! Now I totally accept this is out of the usual and people have the right to be startled by it, or not expect it, but they don't have the right to judge my gender, identity and person out of it. I walk down the street to get [BEEP] done, to get somewhere, to do something, not to have obnoxious pricks on the street say things to me. 

Attachment 588

Now I'm just telling you, and you already know this, for many people, like me. It HURTS when people make comments like "ARE U A B0Y?!?!?!" "U FUQING DYKE" and such. And every laugh you give, stings like fuck. I'm just telling you, it hurts people.

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## Coffee

Preach it! I experienced the same thing when I was in school. Eventually people just stopped giving a [BEEP] and moved on. Hopefully the people around you will grow up as well.

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## Denise

Hi Cosmi,

I just wanted to first of all say that I did quite enjoy reading on your thoughts, and am always impressed by greater understanding.

There is good news, however. Cultures have recently begun to see the beauty in androgyny, especially the modelling world, which of course doesn't necessarily define your sexual orientation or gender identity.

I'm a pretty firm believer that there is a Strong need to be ourselves Not just for our own good - but to encourage other people to join in, shake the shame off and do the same thing. That's what people normally do. They see someone do something, and they repeat the process. They see someone come out of the closet.. they come out, because it feels.. 'safer' now, so to say.

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## L

Your hair is really cool, really suits you. Be yourself because those who have to put you down are insecure in themselves.

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## WintersTale

As someone who is a straight man, but very feminine, I understand where you're coming from.

People have to be extremely rude about it, too. I really, really don't understand it.

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## JustGaara

As an androgynous looking female, I feel your pain. Large contributor to my SA and why I tend to just stay inside unless I'm on something. I can't really deal with people staring and talking [BEEP] and laughing at me like I'm a freak or something. Sorry that that happens to you. People are the worst.

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## kc1895

There is nothing cooler or hipper than being androgynous!  As long as you feel comfortable in your own skin, don't let it stop you from breaking the "gender norms".  I can't believe people are still living in the past and thinking that Calvin Klein is on their side.  Look in a fashion magazine and you'll see tons of women in "masculine" attire or with shorter hair.  You should tell the haters to go back to their farm.

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## Trendsetter

The reasoning for this thread is why I chose my username, social standards get on my last nerve. I respect people like yourself that doesn't follow ridiculous social standards, you can be whatever you want to be. Your photo is attractive! :grin:

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## WintersTale

You are very pretty.

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## Antidote

I agree with what someone else here said. The shaved head suits you.

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## JesusChild

> I respect people like yourself that doesn't follow ridiculous social standards, you can be whatever you want to be. Your photo is attractive! :grin:



 I really like what you said here, I respect people who march to the beat of a different drum, I really like what you and Denise said, I'm neither masculine in the common sense of being a man's man but I'm not feminine either at least I've never seen myself that way.  Thank you OP for sharing that, it takes courage to come out and say that and I am not alone in saying I applaud you.

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## stargirl

I have a lot of respect for people who go against social expectations! I find a lot of them ridiculous. I think you're beautiful btw!  ::):

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## Anteros

When I read the title I thought 'oh no, gender war threads have made it over here!'   So glad to see I was wrong!

I'm with Stargirl - kudos to you for going against the grain.   I think you look great!   I love the shade of pink you picked, too.   

I've always wanted to color my hair, but it would cause problems at work.  Maybe someday...

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