# Anxiety Disorders > Social Anxiety Disorder >  >  Lack of IRL friendships

## HoldTheSea

I am in my late 20s and don't really have any IRL friends. The only person I see on a consistent basis is my partner. Neither of us really have a social life and we don't leave the house often except for going to work or when we travel for dog shows.
Most people don't like either of us very much. I am standoffish and I can be very blunt. I try to be nice but everyone thinks I'm weird either way. My partner is extremely awkward and not really age-appropriate. He is in his mid 20s and still plays Nintendo DS games and has stuffed animals. Neither of our main interests are really socially acceptable either. We breed and show dogs and everything I do has to do with dogs in some way or another. It really puts people off. Like they are interested when I first tell them about it, but when they visit our house they think I'm the crazy dog lady and they generally don't come back a second time. The difference between myself and my partner is that I'm capable of having a normal conversation about something other than dogs. I actually have a wide- and fairly normal- spectrum of interests. My partner is not particularly capable of talking about anything other than his [somewhat childish interests/obsessions] in a social situation, and at our age people really don't want to talk about those things.
My partner is very aware (and sad) that he doesn't have friends because he knows it has to do with how people react to his autism.  ::(: 
I also think people are uncomfortable around me because I have a service dog but that's kind of self-explanatory. People with obvious disabilities, whether we like it or not, make normal people uncomfortable.
I want both of us to be able to make friends but I don't know how to get past the barrier of people perceiving us as weird or awkward. I haven't really socialized since I was in college and that was a long time ago.

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## Antidote

I have the same problem and not sure what to do about it. People generally say you should go to meetup groups and adopt more hobbies, but I'm too chicken [BEEP] to go to a meetup group (and tbh, I don't get how anyone makes friends there because it seems like a random group of awkward people who probably have little in common with each other) and all my hobbies are basically solitary things, or things that I can do on my laptop at home.

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## merc

What does IRL mean? I really just don't know. In any case I think friendship takes time, especially when you are "a grown up." For instance  I have a neighbor I'm friendly with, but we only talk once or twice month sometimes more. I have some co-workers I talk with regularly and I'm really introverted, where I actually don't like "too much" social interaction. I think all my life I've been told to be something other than my just naturally quiet self and it's led to issues...Anyway if you are feeling lonely it is ok to expand out into the wider world, however, If you need time for yourself it is also ok to take a breather from dealing with people.

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## HoldTheSea

> I have the same problem and not sure what to do about it. People generally say you should go to meetup groups and adopt more hobbies, but I'm too chicken [BEEP] to go to a meetup group (and tbh, I don't get how anyone makes friends there because it seems like a random group of awkward people who probably have little in common with each other) and all my hobbies are basically solitary things, or things that I can do on my laptop at home.



I was part of a photography meetup group for a while, but I was the only person in it who was under 50 so I found it hard to relate. The people were very nice but they talked to me like I was an adolescent so I kind of lost interest.
My therapist suggested meetup groups more for my partner. She said there are meetups for adults with autism that might be geared toward his specific interests. I'm kind of worried that he would still have a hard time making friends- because there are people with Aspergers that function higher and more maturely than he does, and I'm concerned that they might still find him odd or make fun of him.
My hobbies are all basically solitary things as well. Also things that I can do alone on my computer.

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## HoldTheSea

> What does IRL mean? I really just don't know. In any case I think friendship takes time, especially when you are "a grown up." For instance  I have a neighbor I'm friendly with, but we only talk once or twice month sometimes more. I have some co-workers I talk with regularly and I'm really introverted, where I actually don't like "too much" social interaction. I think all my life I've been told to be something other than my just naturally quiet self and it's led to issues...Anyway if you are feeling lonely it is ok to expand out into the wider world, however, If you need time for yourself it is also ok to take a breather from dealing with people.



IRL means "in real life." As in, I have online friends but no real-time friends.
I have coworkers at my day job that I talk with as well, but I don't see anything going in the direction of a friendship outside of work. They are also either much older or much younger than I am- half of them are senior citizens and half of them are college students. There is no one in the mid-to-late 20s to 30s range. The majority of them are also female and I find that I relate better to men.
I am actually not an introvert. I enjoy being around people and I really want to have friends and socialize. The problem has more to do with how people perceive me than it has to do with how I feel about other people.

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## lethargic nomad

Is your partner able to work with the autism and everything?

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## HoldTheSea

> Is your partner able to work with the autism and everything?



He's a baker. He wouldn't be able to work in an office, or in retail or customer service. At his job he does not have to work directly with customers and he does well when he is given specific, relatively simple tasks and a routine.

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## Member11

The people who judge you on nothing but your medical conditions is not worth your time to begin with as they have to be quite shadow to avoid a friendship just because of autism and a service dog. When I was growing up, I had a friend with autism and later a friend with a service dog. I didn't give it a second thought. Don't give up on the search, just have to filter out the judgemental ones.





> He is in his mid 20s and still ... has stuffed animals.



*looks over at my stuffed teddy bears*  :Ninja:

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## HoldTheSea

> *looks over at my stuffed teddy bears*



I wasn't saying anything bad about having stuffed animals as an adult! I'm sorry.
I was just commenting on the fact that some people find that really odd about him. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with it.  ::):

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## Member11

> I wasn't saying anything bad about having stuffed animals as an adult! I'm sorry.
> I was just commenting on the fact that some people find that really odd about him. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with it.



Don't be sorry, I know you wasn't, I was just pointing out that it is more common than what most people think  ::):

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## HoldTheSea

> Don't be sorry, I know you wasn't, I was just pointing out that it is more common than what most people think



I know it's more common than people think. And don't worry, I have no problem with it whatsoever, in fact I bought him more stuffed animals for Christmas!  ::):

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