# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  I hate my college.

## WhopperKing

I'm at a 2 year college right now. 1st semester is almost over. I haven't made any friends at all, can't go up and talk to people. I can't join clubs because I have a fear of being rejected by people. People think I don't exist and I feel like someone is spreading a rumor about me. I knew I chose the wrong college to begin with. I just wish that next time, I'll make the right choices. I mean I could've been at a 4 year university living in a dorm right now. But I don't know, people have already made their friendships except me. I still feel like it's too late to start over again and make new friends. I know people are never gonna like me at all, I can guarantee it. I haven't seen any loners sitting around not doing anything on campus. The only loner I see around campus is myself.

----------


## L

Can you read minds?

----------


## WhopperKing

> Can you read minds?



What do you mean by that?

----------


## L

Well you have already formulated in your mind that people will not like you, what proof have you? How do you know this?

----------


## WhopperKing

> Well you have already formulated in your mind that people will not like you, what proof have you? How do you know this?



Because people aren't gonna talk to me, they'll think I'm weird/awkward.

----------


## L

Look at your body language, does it imply that you want someone to approach you. I know its not easy, but you need to send out the message that you want people to talk to you also meet people half way you might have to be the first to talk.

----------


## WhopperKing

> Look at your body language, does it imply that you want someone to approach you. I know its not easy, but you need to send out the message that you want people to talk to you also meet people half way you might have to be the first to talk.



I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to approach me, but no one has done that for the past 3 months.

----------


## L

Can't always wait. You have to approach too. Think that the type of person you connect with may find it just as hard....

----------


## WhopperKing

> Can't always wait. You have to approach too. Think that the type of person you connect with may find it just as hard....



I'm afraid to approach people I don't even know. If I do, they'll think I'm being awkward. I'm not cool enough like those other kids.

----------


## Boots

I feel you on this.

I believe I have a mild-moderate case of social anxiety. I have always been quiet most of my student career, and some people have even bestowed the title of "Silent Girl" on me. I've always been silent because judgement is my worst fear. I always over analyze things and thing everything that I want to say never is said because I'm terrified of how people will respond. They might not say it aloud but they will definitely mentally judge me. It has gotten worse because I'm a freshman in college now. I feel like everyone in my class has an opinion that seems so intelligent to add in while I just don't even try to formulate an opinion because I believe that it'll just be stupid anyways. I fear getting into small groups as well because then they expect you to voice an opinion, and if you don't I feel as if my classmates are classifying me as an incompetent fool. During breaks I spend most of my time in the bathroom so I won't have to deal with any social interaction. I hate being like this.

----------


## WhopperKing

> I feel you on this.
> 
> I believe I have a mild-moderate case of social anxiety. I have always been quiet most of my student career, and some people have even bestowed the title of "Silent Girl" on me. I've always been silent because judgement is my worst fear. I always over analyze things and thing everything that I want to say never is said because I'm terrified of how people will respond. They might not say it aloud but they will definitely mentally judge me. It has gotten worse because I'm a freshman in college now. I feel like everyone in my class has an opinion that seems so intelligent to add in while I just don't even try to formulate an opinion because I believe that it'll just be stupid anyways. I fear getting into small groups as well because then they expect you to voice an opinion, and if you don't I feel as if my classmates are classifying me as an incompetent fool. During breaks I spend most of my time in the bathroom so I won't have to deal with any social interaction. I hate being like this.



I don't like being in group work in class, because no one in the group talks to me.

----------


## Monroe

I'm also in a 2 year community college, and from my experience, people are for the most part busy with themselves and just getting the necessary work done. Not everyone goes there with the mindset of meeting new friends. So, if you want to get someone's attention and try to socialize, you have to attempt to do the approaching yourself. You can't assume that no one likes you - how can they not like you if they never met you or talked with you before? 

When it comes to working in a group, you can't wait for someone to address you. Try your best to just speak up in the group and join the conversation. If you don't say anything, the group might just assume that you don't want to talk, that you just prefer to sit back and listen. I never talked to anyone in college, nor did I voluntarily speak up in groups. But in my case, I didn't _want_ to make friends at that time - but if you want to make friends, you have to try to take the initiative on yourself. And believe me I understand how hard that is, my social phobia used to be incredibly severe. But I'm just saying that, speaking up is really the only way to accomplish this, it's how everyone does it that doesn't have SA, it just comes naturally to them. But for us, we need to extend the effort.

----------


## WintersTale

I'm in a 3 year community college.

What always makes me drop the ball, is not how hard the work is. It's always the fact that I am expected to be social, and then I get judged. I once made a friend, one friend, and then everyone else questioned why I was friends with this girl...and I had to defend both her and me, at the same time. 

I can't relate to most college students. They are still the atmosphere of "I don't care, let's party", and they call me the modern interpretation of a square for not wanting to do that. I actually hate beer now, and don't drink it. I _have_ partied before, been drunk before, and no longer see the appeal in it. I just want coffee and a book. I actually find I enjoy studying, but I want people to do it with, and they want to socialize.

----------


## WhopperKing

> I'm also in a 2 year community college, and from my experience, people are for the most part busy with themselves and just getting the necessary work done. Not everyone goes there with the mindset of meeting new friends. So, if you want to get someone's attention and try to socialize, you have to attempt to do the approaching yourself. You can't assume that no one likes you - how can they not like you if they never met you or talked with you before? 
> 
> When it comes to working in a group, you can't wait for someone to address you. Try your best to just speak up in the group and join the conversation. If you don't say anything, the group might just assume that you don't want to talk, that you just prefer to sit back and listen. I never talked to anyone in college, nor did I voluntarily speak up in groups. But in my case, I didn't _want_ to make friends at that time - but if you want to make friends, you have to try to take the initiative on yourself. And believe me I understand how hard that is, my social phobia used to be incredibly severe. But I'm just saying that, speaking up is really the only way to accomplish this, it's how everyone does it that doesn't have SA, it just comes naturally to them. But for us, we need to extend the effort.



For that question. Because seeing new faces scare me a lot.

----------


## Ironman

How you think determines how you feel.  You should ask people in your classes if they want to meet and study and then go get something to eat.  Let school be the ice breaker.

----------


## WhopperKing

> How you think determines how you feel.  You should ask people in your classes if they want to meet and study and then go get something to eat.  Let school be the ice breaker.



Can't believe I didn't see this message. Been awhile. I think that asking people in my classes to meet, study and get something to eat is not gonna happen, because they'll say no.

----------


## Secretly Pretentious

I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but you really have to try to be more initiative if you want an active social life. People aren't going to approach you in class, because they're there to learn, not socialize. I know you've already dismissed school clubs, but I really think you should give them a try. Everybody there already has a common interest, so you already have a way to integrate yourself. Joining my school's martial arts club was one of the best decisions I made for myself. I felt really awkward and out of place at first. But everyone was super nice to me and accepted me. By my senior year, I was leading warm-ups, stretching, and conditioning. Even though a semester has already gone by, it's not too late. I actually didn't join until my second semester. (I didn't have any social life my first semester because my floor was very extroverted and into partying. I let them take me out to a house party once and I was paralyzed by fear the whole night.)

Come on. Maybe we can help you out. What kind of things are you interested in?

----------


## WhopperKing

> I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but you really have to try to be more initiative if you want an active social life. People aren't going to approach you in class, because they're there to learn, not socialize. I know you've already dismissed school clubs, but I really think you should give them a try. Everybody there already has a common interest, so you already have a way to integrate yourself. Joining my school's martial arts club was one of the best decisions I made for myself. I felt really awkward and out of place at first. But everyone was super nice to me and accepted me. By my senior year, I was leading warm-ups, stretching, and conditioning. Even though a semester has already gone by, it's not too late. I actually didn't join until my second semester. (I didn't have any social life my first semester because my floor was very extroverted and into partying. I let them take me out to a house party once and I was paralyzed by fear the whole night.)
> 
> Come on. Maybe we can help you out. What kind of things are you interested in?



I don't know what I'm interested in. I mean people in real life probably won't have the same interests as me.

----------


## Secretly Pretentious

> I don't know what I'm interested in. I mean people in real life probably won't have the same interests as me.



You'd be surprised. I'm from a really big school, but we had everything from academic clubs, to cultural clubs, to, performance clubs. Last year, two of my roommates were in the seeing eye puppy raising club. My third roommate was in a medieval reenactment club. If your school has a list of clubs online, take a quick look through it. Maybe something will spark your curiosity enough to check it out.

----------


## NoSocialButterfly

Where to begin....first of all, you can't guarantee people won't like you...so why say such things?  And people are busy with their own lives and school stuff, you can't wait for people to reach out to you.  Like others have said, you have to take the intiative.  If your college is like mine, there are many clubs and organizations you can join.  You have to put forth an effort to make the things you want happen.  And with the negative self-talk you are doing, that is going to be a big hinderance.  You have to change the way you think.  Quit talking down to yourself and quit speaking in absolutes.  You don't know anything for sure until you try.  You really haven't so quit assuming it is impossible.

----------


## WhopperKing

These kids on my campus don't care about nobody but themselves. The employees and counselors don't care about no students, they only care about their next paychecks. I'm afraid to go up to people, so why am I the one being pushed around all the time, to just put myself out there? I'm always quiet all the time when I walk down the halls or when I'm in a whole hour of classes. It is impossible to make friends at this time of year.

----------


## NoSocialButterfly

> These kids on my campus don't care about nobody but themselves. The employees and counselors don't care about no students, they only care about their next paychecks. I'm afraid to go up to people, so why am I the one being pushed around all the time, to just put myself out there? I'm always quiet all the time when I walk down the halls or when I'm in a whole hour of classes. It is impossible to make friends at this time of year.



Okay then.  Hoping that you will one day understand that your situation is how you choose to view it.  You are making assumptions, generalizations, and speaking in absolutes with no real basis.  It is really pointless if you are wanting things to change.  But if you are only wanting to vent, fine.  You are not open to things being any different than how you choose to perceive them.  You are making a choice.  It's not everyone else with the problem, it is yourself.  I've been there and done that.

----------


## WintersTale

NoSocial is right.

And you can't assume people _will_ like you, either. But you have to try. Giving up and not trying is meaningless, it's a bad idea.

----------


## WhopperKing

Like I said, these kids at my college don't care about nobody but themselves, and I rather transfer to a university.

----------


## NoSocialButterfly

> Like I said, these kids at my college don't care about nobody but themselves, and I rather transfer to a university.



Do you care about others?  Just asking.

----------


## WhopperKing

Yes I do.

----------


## NoSocialButterfly

> Yes I do.



You care about others, yet you say they care about no one else without even knowing them?  Doesn't sound like you give people a chance either.  Maybe you are not much different than them.

----------


## mezzoforte

I'm at a 4 year university currently, and I also have absolutely no friends. I live on campus  in a suite with 9 other girls and they're all friends, but I never say I word to them lol.

----------

