# Struggles and Support > Mental Health in the media >  >  Using Mental Health Issues as an Excuse

## kevinjoseph

I wanted to start a thread here about people using mental health issues as an excuse for whatever they want to do when it means they can do something unacceptable and get away with it.  I live with debilitating agoraphobia, and I want people to take it seriously.  In terms of affecting what I feel I can do, agoraphobia is no different than polio or MS or Crohn's Disease or any other disease, yet even medical professionals are quick to invalidate my concerns about it because they believe they can do so and they feel that's alright.  No matter what I have experienced, it doesn't justify my treating others poorly when I can avoid it.  I would like to know if anyone on this forum feels they have experienced something in terms of mental health in a similar fashion, and if you have, what you have done to prevent such a thing from happening again.

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## InvisibleGuy

Well....talk about "treating people poorly"....I've been harassed online before, on a couple of different forums. I won't single out which ones by name but one of them might be a forum people here are pretty familiar with. In one particular case I was harassed for things I posted as long as two weeks ago. I guess they felt that because they were on that particular forum, it gave them the right or something lol. Or they just thought they could get away with it *shrug*. It was kind of like bullying. No. Actually. Not kind of like. It was.

Anyway I went to the mods when that happened. There is absolutely no excuse for breaking forum rules that involve harassment and/or personal attacks. It doesn't matter if it's on this forum or another, or irl. Amazing to me what some people will try to justify and rationalize as "right" in their minds when it comes down to nothing more than bullying.

Yeah just because someone has mental health issues does not give them free reign to launch personal attacks.

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## TwerkinForTalos

Some people can be pretty cruel cause they think they earned the right. Disregard anyone else's issues in favor of their own and act with no empathy. It's frustrating, especially when they use your issues or insecurities against you. I've seen it a number of times online.

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## TwerkinForTalos

That's a good way to put it. I find the biggest issue (for me at least) is when people that you describe above don't respect the boundaries that you try to place. I personally don't assert myself well. I can place ground rules but have a hard time when I need to continue to enforce them with someone I can only barely tolerate to begin with. 

The lack of respect for clear boundaries always gets under my skin and unfortunately tends to nag in there until I'm able to completely rid myself of the offensive party. It's one of the fastest ways to make me lose my cool, and I like to think I can maintain my cool very well, but everyone has a breaking point.

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## Otherside

My ex behaved in this way. His own mental health issues issues and a bad past were excuses as to why he got to behave like an absolute arsehole, and god forbid anyone challenge him on that one. Whilst they were fairly rubbish, they didn't excuse the way that he behaved towards me. He rarely, if ever, apologised for that behaviour. I was just expected to "understand", and be prepared to deal with whatever constantly, regardless of my own mental health at the time. Me refusing to do so was "not being supportive of him and his mental health."

Needless to say, we're not actually together anymore.

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## kevinjoseph

> My ex behaved in this way. His own mental health issues issues and a bad past were excuses as to why he got to behave like an absolute arsehole, and god forbid anyone challenge him on that one. Whilst they were fairly rubbish, they didn't excuse the way that he behaved towards me. He rarely, if ever, apologised for that behaviour. I was just expected to "understand", and be prepared to deal with whatever constantly, regardless of my own mental health at the time. Me refusing to do so was "not being supportive of him and his mental health."
> 
> Needless to say, we're not actually together anymore.



I'm so sorry to hear this Otherside.  Sometimes mental health issues can cause us to treat others poorly.  That is never justifiable, in my opinion.  We are responsible for our actions, especially when they hurt others.  Enabling someone with mental health issues to hurt others in this way doesn't help the person we are trying to help.

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