# Struggles and Support > Nutrition, Supplements and Exercise >  >  Repulsed by Overweight People

## kc1895

I was eating lunch with a friend who is larger than me and a lot of negative feelings I've never had towards her begain to pop into my head.  I've always considered myself to be tolerant of people's body sizes and realize that many people cannot control their weight, but as I sat and watched her eat in large portions, I began to question whether or not I was really a tolerant person.  I felt really shallow to be concerned about another person's image especially weight, which I thought I never had an issue with.  Is it wrong to feel this way?  I don't understand why I'm suddenly repulsed by it.

(no, we were not at KFC's)

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## Antidote

I think a lot of people are repulsed by overweight people hence why there is so much fat shaming going on. Probably being directly confronted with it, somehow put you off. Personally I believe people are overweight due to having a bad combination of genes and lifestyle habits, which are for the most part beyond their control. Yes they can lose weight if they make some changes, but their bodies are compelled on a biological level to put weight on and defend it, and it's very, very hard to resist and battle your natural physiological dispositions everyday for the rest of your life. You said your friend was overeating... many overweight people (though by all means, not all) do overeat because their appetite and cravings for food are dysregulated and intensified compared to most people. I have mostly empathy for them because I don't think anyone would choose to be overweight, and I can understand that it's a huge struggle for most of them to lose the weight and keep it off. Having said that, maybe if I spent more time around overweight people who ate a lot, constantly, no matter how level headed I tried to be, I might get frustrated and grossed out eventually (I get grossed out even when normal weight people are gluttonous). And I can think of at least one time I have been repulsed by an overweight person. There was a man who used to get on my bus who was morbidly obese and I think he probably had trouble washing himself because he smelled quite unpleasant.

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## WintersTale

Well, speaking as someone who has a mother who is overweight, and has been for pretty much my whole life, I don't hate overweight people. I am a bit overweight myself, have a beer belly but am skinny everywhere else.

I have a really difficult time being sexually attracted to overweight women, but I don't hate them. I realize that I need to lose weight myself, and would give such a relationship a try.

And I have friends who are, and I don't judge them. I have anxiety, they don't, so who am I to judge?

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## L

To me it is about self respect. I am not a thin person and I often feel embarrassed eating large portions (which I usually can't manage) or eating bad foods, I will not eat in fast food places or eat convenient foods a lot (unless I am lazy or busy (studying a lot at the moment)). I don't try to lose weight, I could but I don't think I am obese either. 

I will find myself judging people sometimes when I find that they don't show self respect ie the way they dress, where they are eating or what they are eating in relation to their weight. I do try to call myself on it as I have no idea what is going on in that person's life, they could be on medication, it could be their way to cope, they may have an eating disorder, have bad eating habits from childhood, not have the skill to cook or the money to afford healthier foods. I know nothing about the person. I just let people live their lives and as a health professional in my professional role I am there to educate people and advise them for what they want to achieve and what will help to maintain a positive mental health.

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## sanspants

I can relate. If I'm near a group of them and they're visibly overeating, I get a little uncomfortable because it's hard to watch unhealthy people actively worsening their lives. 

I also get a little embarrassed around overweight people at the gym, though I give them the utmost credit for even being there. They're often working the hardest, which is impressive...since their bodies are going to be feeling the most pain from the workouts. 

I know I can't be physically attracted to an overweight woman. I'm a very visual/tactile person and obesity hits all the wrong buttons for me, all at once, in an overloading "NOOOOOO" sort of reaction.

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## whiteman

For the most part I don't care. I'm overweight because I have a back injury and degenerative arthritus, so I can't run, so I'm fat, so what. The only time I've ever been judgemental about someones weight was in college when I was working with a woman who was always complaining about her weight, but she would eat a pint of ice cream every night?

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## VickieKitties

If someone were to judge me for my public eating habits, I'd be mortified.  It is kind of weird when people abuse their bodies with overeating though.

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## Rawr

This is actually why I don't like eating in public & if I do, I take it easy around others. At home I gorge as much as I want to. I'm overweight & eat a lot of times to make myself happy. You never know what goes on inside a person's head that makes them who they are but it is normal to be repulsed by them. To be honest... I'm really uncomfortable seeing overweight children cause I feel really bad for them. I once cried over one I saw online that was morbidly obese that everyone was making fun of.

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## WineKitty

Nice.  Nice posts people.   

Please do not post anything about how unfair it is that you are judged for your anxiety if you actually feel this way.  After all, maybe if you just sucked it up a bit and got over it you would be fine. (SARCASM/EYE ROLL).  It's kind of repulsive to see people just not say anything, not trying to help themselves with their anxiety....right???

Surely there will be, _like at the other place_, a "People with SA are just so sensitive and nice" thread.  I will laugh and post a link to this one.

Everyone has their Achilles heel.  For some it's SA.  For some it's GAD.  For some it's booze.  For some it's drugs.  For some it's food.  For some it's cutting.  But there is a basic common thread there, isn't there?  

So instead of judging others so harshly for eating too much, perhaps you should look in the mirror and correct your own issues before you decide how easy it is for others to fix theirs.

For people that claim they are unfairly victimized, you are doing a great job of victimizing others.  

I am about done with _the other place_ due to intolerance, trolling, and hypocrisy and if that is seeping into this site then maybe I am just done with the anxiety boards altogether.  It's pure hypocrisy be it about overweight people, people of faith (where _at the other place_ I was told we should be rounded up and killed), or any other differences.  

I am tired, have a headache, and little patience tonight for such vulgar displays of intolerance and judgment.....esp by a group of people who constantly cry foul over being judged.  Not seeing much tolerance or kindness.

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## whiteman

I'm a fan of women with curves. I'm a fan of all shapes. It's just this women I was working and going to school with would complain about her weight, but she would eat an entire pint of ice cream every night, like Ben and Jerry's. I'm fat, and I realize I'm fat because I eat too much, but I still complain about my weight mostly because I have a physical disability and I'm limited in what I can do physically, but I understand why people complain about their weight even though they eat too much.

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## compulsive

*From profile : "I also have OCD"

/ thread*

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## Misssy

It's fine that is just the way you feel. 

As long as  you don't verbally abuse fat people or treat them badly I guess it's fine. 

VERY Overweight people really do have a sick relationship with food. In the same way that bulimic people also have a problem.

I mean for a long time I tried to be as thin as I could be and didn't eat very much and exercised too much maybe...that also isn't healthy. Now that I am older I am just not in the same shape I used to be in. 

I'm not sure what to say about this, I lived with a VERY overweight woman who belched a lot and she had health problems and honestly I also found it to be disgusting. PART of the problem is you can look at the person and just think whoa this is unhealthy. 

Lots of times I See overweight women hanging out with other over weight women 

Or very beautiful women hanging out with other beautiful women

"Birds of a feather flock together"

When I see people complain about being overweight but also buying lots of junk to eat I don't feel bad for them. Like own up to it you know. 

Then again I think about my nephews who are kids and they are chubby in part because they have not been taught good habits and are not encouraged to do a lot of physical activities, some of it is their dispositions. One is chubby the other is more sporty.
I think it is not a child's fault for being chubby.

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## Antidote

> For people that claim they are unfairly victimized, you are doing a great job of victimizing others.  
> 
> I am about done with _the other place_ due to intolerance, trolling, and hypocrisy and if that is seeping into this site then maybe I am just done with the anxiety boards altogether.  It's pure hypocrisy be it about overweight people, people of faith (where _at the other place_ I was told we should be rounded up and killed), or any other differences.



Intellectually the op has conveyed she recognises it's unreasonable and strives to be tolerant. But on a more primitive level disgust is triggered by innumerable things and most people don't have any conscious control over it. May as well acknowledge it in a respectful way and allow open discussion on it than pretend it's not there. I think this is a useful thread because it touches on the origins of fat shaming, i.e. that it has an irrational basis. Acknowledging that is actually helpful rather than harmful.

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## Otherside

I dont think weight is anyones fault. If anything, its societies fault that we make the ideal as being starved thin. Theres too many reasons for weight gain and we dont know why a certain person is that weight. Some people gain weight, some gain more than others, some have a genetic makeup that means they'll have more weight than another. Medication, a woman having children, overeating because of depression...all reasons why someone could gain weight.

There is a point that it does get unhealthy. But on the other end, there's a point when not having enough weight is unhealthy. It's sickening that for some people, being unhealthily thin to the point of hospitalization is seen as attractive and even encouraged in some places. 

But yes, the OP did feel bad about being repulsed by it, it's pretty primitive, one of those bad thoughts we've all had and wished we didn't have and regretted. We've all had them. Cut KC some slack, she wishes she didn't think like this. In the end, it's how she acts around this person and not the stray thoughts she regrets having that make up who she is.

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## Tinkerbell

We are all human and have our own biases, I was once overweight, 220 lbs on a 5'3" frame.  It took me a long time to drop that weight and I'm healthier and have more energy.  So I can empathize with being overweight, but I do have to admit that I am irritated by people when they act like they are also entitled to my space, such as at a concert or any place where seating can be cramped.  I can fully understand their situation and I would be more understanding if they at least made an attempt to realize that and minimize the impact.  I don't expect anyone to be profusely apologetic but just subtle things that make you understand they are cognizant of the situation.   Does it make me proud to feel this way, not really, but I have to admit to those feelings.  And the people never know because I don't display anything outwardly, by comment or movement.

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## Chantellabella

I tried to stay away from this thread, but as you can see I have no will power or self control. 

When I first read this thread, I saw that KC1895 felt bad and was asking herself why did she feel that way and think those thoughts about her friend. She saw that it was something inside her and she was upset that she even had these thoughts. I felt like hugging her for her honesty and bravery to even make a post about something she didn't like about herself.  

I also see the other side of it. I struggled with an eating disorder my whole life (see Coffee's thread). After my divorce I gained weight because probably subconsciously I didn't want anyone to ever look at me, talk to me or use me again. I was teased in school for being too skinny, nagged by my mother and husband for what she considered "too fat," and I reached a weight after my divorce that was way over the limit for my height. Because of my age, it's hard to lose it now and I have struggled for 5 years to get it down and freak when the scale goes up rather than down..........even a lb. I'm embarrassed to eat in front of people because I think they are thinking, "Wow that's a lot of food she's eating. Why can't she control her eating?"

No matter what weight I have been in my life, the common denominator was shame. 

I was ashamed of who I was because I could not be perfect or the person others wanted/accepted. 

I can see why WineKitty was upset. This is such a hard subject for those who feel the shame of their appearance.........no matter what it is. Especially when they try every day to lose weight. Medicine or conditions can affect the weight loss so for some, it's a constant reminder each day when they look in the mirror that they somehow failed. I can see why it could be taken strongly, especially with the word "repulsed" in the title. 

Shame is put upon us by others. We are not born with that ability. A baby or child is not ashamed until he/she is taught that they don't live up to some standard. And I hope that KC1895 doesn't feel shame for making this thread. I think she was very brave for admitting something she didn't like about herself. Often we are shamed for even admitting we are not perfect, in any situation. 

I just wanted to share my thoughts. 

And I wish I would have enough self control to not post because I'm sure my thoughts will be read wrong by someone. If I offended anyone I'm sorry.  ::(:

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## Tinkerbell

^Well said, Chantellabella, better than mine.  I agree with your points.  Also it is very hard to bring up a sensitive subject and not inadvertently upset someone.

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## compulsive

As I will say again:





> I was eating lunch with a friend who is larger than me and *a lot of negative feelings I've never had towards her began to pop into my head*.  I've always considered myself to be tolerant of people's body sizes and realize that many people cannot control their weight, but as I sat and watched her eat in large portions,* I began to question whether or not I was really a tolerant person*.  I felt really shallow to be concerned about another person's image especially weight, which* I thought I never had an issue with*.  Is it wrong to feel this way?  I don't understand why I'm *suddenly repulsed by it.
> *
> (no, we were not at KFC's)



Its OCD.

I have had thoughts of saying really bad things to others before, that I don't feel

The thoughts were exactly mimicking other people I didn't like. And I felt myself saying it in my head with the same facial expressions. I did think that I had suddenly become a bad person.

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## Otherside

> As I will say again:
> 
> 
> 
> Its OCD.
> 
> I have had thoughts of saying really bad things to others before, that I don't feel
> 
> The thoughts were exactly mimicking other people I didn't like. And I felt myself saying it in my head with the same facial expressions. I did think that I had suddenly become a bad person.



I don't have OCD or know much about it but I still don't see why some people are getting hyped up about this. I find it hard to believe that they haven't negativley judged someone before and not felt bad about it. KC didn't say or do anything to the friend, and I doubt she's somewhat treating the friend any differently. She doesn't like those thoughts. 

Chantellabella pretty much said it all though. KC was pretty brave to make a thread like this. I've never had a eating disorder and hopefully I never well. I just seem to be unable to gain weight, no matter what I do, and a lot of people in high school were convinced I was an anorexic. My parents at one point, even. 

And if a thread does appear on here that SA people are so sensitive and nice...well, we're on a forum. As anyone here spoken to other mentally ill people? Probably, you've met them. The words "sensitive and nice" don't come to mind around all of them. We're human. We get frustrated. We lash out. We regret it. And heck, looking at the other place, do I think "Sensitive and nice"...not really. Particularly when people mock the problems that "normal" people have. Oh, "he's moaning about his debt, well he doesn't have anxiety" or "why should I care about my friend who's upset over her boyfriend when I have SA and depression?" Christ, I cant help but think of the unsensitive nature of a lot of people over there. 

I'd rather someone over there stopped putting us into one group, and said "Anxious people are human". 

Wow, that turned into a vent and a half. I apologize.

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## Misssy

I've had fat women be mean to me just for the spite of it. In the past I had an overweight co-worker who said to me "you are so skinny it makes me want to throw up"  ........it was pretty weird, considering I never said anything to her at all about her life style.

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## Rawr

> I've had fat women be mean to me just for the spite of it. In the past I had an overweight co-worker who said to me "you are so skinny it makes me want to throw up"  ........it was pretty weird, considering I never said anything to her at all about her life style.



Dern. I really hate the weight bashing thing. I've been underweight before & now I'm overweight so I've been on both sides of the fences. I use to get called chicken legs & anorexic. Now I'm called a fat cow & such. I've always noticed that people whom point out these things are honestly trying to feel better about their weight even though they feel like crap about it.

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## Misssy

Also I lived with a bulimic young lady who had a very very hard time making friends. She said that she tried to make friends at the church in our neighborhood but none of the girls really wanted to hang out with her.

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## WintersTale

As long as you treat me with respect, I'll treat you with respect. It's your body, not mine. 

My view is, as long as you're not doing anything criminal, you can do whatever you want to do with your own body. God gave you that choice. It's free will.

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## sanspants

> I've had fat women be mean to me just for the spite of it. In the past I had an overweight co-worker who said to me "you are so skinny it makes me want to throw up"  ........it was pretty weird, considering I never said anything to her at all about her life style.



What sort of area do you live in? That's a very common behavior in my area, which is mostly rural. We have a 60-something-percent obesity rate, so thin people are a rarity. Guys stampede them (a thin girl? No wai!) and girls bully them. One of the nurses I work with in the ER just quit because she was getting bullied for being too skinny.

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## Ironman

When I see overweight people exercise, I am like "they are REALLY going to lose that weight!" --- they don't have to deal with Paxil fat like I do.

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## whiteman

> When I see overweight people exercise, I am like "they are REALLY going to lose that weight!" --- they don't have to deal with Paxil fat like I do.



Are you also known as milleniumman on another site?

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## WineKitty

For the record, I have been on both sides of the fence.  Currently I need to lose weight but am battling a very out of control thyroid issue and am under the care of an endocrinologist and taking medication to try and get my TSH under control.

I am not upset with anyone or trying to cause anyone any shame.   

I just was pointing out that there is a common denominator between people who tell you to just "get over" your anxiety issues and people who think a person can just "get over" their weight issues.

Extra weight can be from medications, emotional eating, glandular aka thyroid, pituitary or adrenal issues etc.

I am sure at some point I have been judgmental about someone, somewhere, somehow, some way.  But if I am like that, I would hope that there would be a person at some point to call me on it.

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## Chantellabella

> For the record, I have been on both sides of the fence.  Currently I need to lose weight but am battling a very out of control thyroid issue and am under the care of an endocrinologist and taking medication to try and get my TSH under control.
> 
> I am not upset with anyone or trying to cause anyone any shame.   
> 
> I just was pointing out that there is a common denominator between people who tell you to just "get over" your anxiety issues and people who think a person can just "get over" their weight issues.
> 
> Extra weight can be from medications, emotional eating, glandular aka thyroid, pituitary or adrenal issues etc.
> 
> I am sure at some point I have been judgmental about someone, somewhere, somehow, some way.  But if I am like that, I would hope that there would be a person at some point to call me on it.



I didn't see you as anything but hurt, my friend and it's ok to voice that. I think it was brave of you to tell us about that.  :Hug: 

The reason I brought up shame was that was the common factor of my weight struggles. And I can relate. After going through the whole anorexia/bulimia thing and then gaining weight with my divorce after my body was shot, I remember I went to a new young doctor. I was 49 at the time and told her my body seemed to have stopped burning fat because I could eat air and exercise for 5 hours and not lose a pound. Her answer? "Eat less and exercise more." I looked at her dumbfounded. I hadn't eaten in 3 days, just drank water and exercised for at least 4 hours that day. She obviously didn't want to be bothered by true weight problems and after anorexia/bulimia issues. Hormones, age, and all the things WineKitty mentioned can be a factor, especially when you get into the 30's, 40's and 50's. I used to say with each decade that I'd gained 10 lbs of wisdom. Even though I weighed 85-90 lbs years ago, I can't realistically believe I can or should weigh that now at my age.

It is hard the older we get. 

And judgment? Well, I think that's an area where everyone can get in trouble. I always tell people I don't want to judge others because I don't want to be judged. I try very hard to be open-minded, but it can creep in. I get mad at myself when I see I have been judgmental. 

Sorry.........just rambling this morning.

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## TheDarkness

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## Otherside

> For the record, I have been on both sides of the fence.  Currently I need to lose weight but am battling a very out of control thyroid issue and am under the care of an endocrinologist and taking medication to try and get my TSH under control.
> 
> I am not upset with anyone or trying to cause anyone any shame.   
> 
> *I just was pointing out that there is a common denominator between people who tell you to just "get over" your anxiety issues and people who think a person can just "get over" their weight issues.
> *
> Extra weight can be from medications, emotional eating, glandular aka thyroid, pituitary or adrenal issues etc.
> 
> I am sure at some point I have been judgmental about someone, somewhere, somehow, some way.  But if I am like that, I would hope that there would be a person at some point to call me on it.



Anyone who says "just get over your weight, go to the gym, eat less" is just being inconsiderate. Even if it is because there overeating and sitting around all day watching TV as seems to be the stereotype, as Caleb said below, that there business. I can see this point. I have friend who's overweight, but she's probably one of the nicest people I know. I also have a friend who has anorexia and has been admitted to hospital for the second time now...and really, she can't just "get over it and start eating again" as a lot of people seems to think. Well, not at the momment anyway, her whole attitude seems to be "I don't care, they can't make me do anything." But that's a whole different story. But if someone can be like that about not eating, and not caring about how much weight they loose, surely someone can be the same about overeating.





> All that I will say.. is that I can`t relate. One of my closest childhood friends was overweight, and it never really bothered me. Yeah we talked about it once or twice, he asked me what I thought, but I simply told him flat out: "i`m not your girlfriend and i`m not your mother. What you like doing to your body, is none of my business". And thats all there was to it. Why have I told him this? its simple... it wasn't because I was afraid of hurting his feelings. But rather, because to me it was irrelevant. For if I felt disgusted by being next to him, if I didn't think about him as an equal, then I wouldn't consider myself as being his friend. And therefore, I wouldn't talk to him anymore. Simply as that. Mock senserity isn't my thing.



As you say. I couldn't give a toss if someone had a tail and a pair of antlers sticking out of there ears.

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## whiteman

When someone says, "toss," in the UK does it mean masturbation?

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## toaster little

> When someone says, "toss," in the UK does it mean masturbation?



Urban Dictionary says it's similar to not giving a crap, but

toss by itself can mean what you said.  Also, tosser = wanker.

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## Misssy

I think KC started this thread because she was questioning HER OWN thoughts and feelings instead of this being a weight judging thread.

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## Otherside

> When someone says, "toss," in the UK does it mean masturbation?



Never heard of that one, sorry. Basically means the same thing as "I don't give a shit" or crap or anything, as toaster little said.

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## TheDarkness

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## Otherside

> I know, right? so what if their obsess/anorexic. Does that make them any less of a friend? which is exactly the reason why I can`t relate to this thread.
> I mean, yes, I get the idea. I know that its human nature - that everyone is judgmental to sum degree. *And, ultimately, it is how we act that's going to count, not how we think.*
> But the thought process and how such conclusions are made, is what I cannot relate to. Sitting across the table from someone that`s suppose to be my friend, 
> staring at how they eat and start playing petty little mind games with myself - that is the mind-set which I cannot relate to. To me that is rather peculiar.
> 
> Also. I dunno about you Otherside, but if I caught a friend of mine staring at me for no apparent reason, I would ask them what gives.
> And if their answer wouldn't be respectful, I would ask them to rephrase themselves. And if they started going all D.r Phil on me (just for the sake of making themselves feel better), 
> then I may even [BEEP] slap them back to their senses (which is something ive done). Believe me, sometimes that works wonders. Also. Its a friend, not a date. 
> Why would I even bother myself with even attempting to think this way? Besides. *People with obesity and anorexia also have opinions.* 
> ...



The bits in bold are the bits I get, the bits that really are pretty important here. I've had thoughts at times that I've regretted, haven't we all? But as I've said before and you said, it's how we act that makes all the difference. And I'm not going to ditch my friend over something as shallow as the fact that she's overweight, or the fact that they have anorexia. Heck, it's not her appearance I care much about, to be honest, if someones anorexic and is denying the fact and giving a "do I give a damn?" attitude and "I'm not going to eat and you can't make me and the doctors are just plain stupid and the second this section (I don't know what you call it elsewhere, but it's basically forced hospitalization) gets lifted I'm not going to attend anymore appointments", well, you're more worried about _that_ attitude that how it appears being with someone who looks anorexic. As it is, it would be pretty hypocritical of me since I look like I am (I'm not). I've been told that I eat oddly at some point...that I chew oddly, however that's supposed to be possible. I wasn't aware there was different ways in which someone can chew food. 

I'd do the same here though. If someone is staring at me for what seems to be no reason, I'd ask them why. Although it probably is most likely because I managed to get ketchup on my nose or something...man, I can be such a messy eater at times. I wouldn't be very appreciative though if someone was to judge me for what I'm eating, and say that to me.

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## TheDarkness

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## Nightingale

I wasn't offended in the least by KC's post - not that anyone said I should be. 

I'm actually relieved that someone had the courage to post something so transparent about themselves. I have terrible, judgmental thoughts all the time and I have to stop myself like a parent and say, "knock that crap off". It happened just the other day with my friend's nephew's funeral reception. He was 11, died tragically, it's been super horrific for everyone involved, and I couldn't attend the funeral for personal reasons. But I wanted to cook for the reception, so I did. I spent a lot of money, time and effort, and when I arrived at the church where the funeral was held - they told me the reception had been moved to a different church, across town, in a location I wasn't familiar with. 

I was pissed off, I'll admit. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was. I'm not familiar with the baptist churches in town, no one called me to let me know this change had happened literally overnight, and I was anxiety-ridden over arriving at the new venue with all this food and running into the family arriving from the burial. I did not want to face the family; I couldn't stand the thought of seeing their grief, being reminded of my own lost child, so I was upset, nervous, scared - but on top of it, _superficially,_ I was fucking pissed that no one bothered to mention to me that the reception was moved - and I'd just talked to the pastor the day before about the dishes I was bringing. 

And after I dealt with the "funeral crew" of ladies in the kitchen when I dropped off the food, I was super pissed off. They were rude - they work all the funerals for their parish, or whatever they call baptist church groups - and they basically tossed the two meals I'd brought onto a counter and told me they needed desserts, not more meals, and said if they ran out of food they "guessed" they could throw out what I'd brought for the family and mourners to eat. 

Soooo. By the time I was in my car, driving back home, I was furious. But it took only one errant thought of the family burying their little 11 yr old boy to completely change my mood. And I felt like an absolute dick for how angry I'd been over something so inconsequential compared to the bigger picture. No way would I ever mention it aloud, no way would I ever say anything to my friend, even to ask, "Why'd you guys move it across town?" Who cares? It doesn't even matter. When my daughter died, I couldn't even tell you my name much less where the hell we were that day. 


There's my transparency. I actually got mad for half an hour at a grieving family because they didn't "check in" with me about their plans on a horribly painful day. 

That's how much I suck sometimes.

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## Nightingale

I totally screwed this thread, but I guess I needed to get that off my chest. Sorry -

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