# Lounge > Chit Chat >  >  Ever had a stalker?

## Chantellabella

How did you detach them? 

I'd certainly like a few pointers. I've had one for over 4 years now and I feel like I need the parasite burned off. 

Anybody got a blow torch?  :Poke:

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## est

Online stalker??

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## Sparrow

I had a real life stalker, and I don't think you can stop them yourself.  4 years is a long time to go through that torment...sorry you're dealing with that  ::(: .

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## T-Bone

No, but sometimes i wish i did. I haven't had a stalker since i was in highschool. Probably the whole thing about my life going nowhere and my personality doesn't appeal to anyone has something to do with it.

The way you speak of this "parasite" that needs to be burnt off, i could only imagine you might be partly at fault here for not making it known that you want nothing to do with this individual. Of course i may be wrong about that, but some people have the tendency to be nice all of the time. In a stalkers mind that's probably an invitation of sorts. I would make it quite clear that the person is not wanted, as harsh as it may be. If a person is never confronted with a person who sees the flaws or creepiness of their ways and is willing to speak out on it, they will never realize it themselves and continue down their destructive path.

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## Chantellabella

> No, but sometimes i wish i did. I haven't had a stalker since i was in highschool. Probably the whole thing about my life going nowhere and my personality doesn't appeal to anyone has something to do with it.
> 
> The way you speak of this "parasite" that needs to be burnt off, i could only imagine you might be partly at fault here for not making it known that you want nothing to do with this individual. Of course i may be wrong about that, but some people have the tendency to be nice all of the time. In a stalkers mind that's probably an invitation of sorts. I would make it quite clear that the person is not wanted, as harsh as it may be. If a person is never confronted with a person who sees the flaws or creepiness of their ways and is willing to speak out on it, they will never realize it themselves and continue down their destructive path.



Online. 

And yes, you're wrong. 

I confront her every 6 months when she attacks. Called the cops twice. Have her picture on file at my work and in two cities in case she comes around. Yelled, begged, ignored, tried to reason with her, forgave her, apologized to her, confronted her, got others to confront her, wrote asking her why, wrote asking her to leave, got my friends to tell her to go away. Yet, she still follows me around cyberspace, showing up to see what I'm doing and to trash me every chance she gets.  I have to believe it's because she told me something once and I must be the only person alive who knows it. Or it might just be plain jealousy. Or bitterness. I'm actually not sure. Maybe she needed somebody to hate and picked me.

I just want her gone. 

She knows I can't stand her and have told her point blank. 

So no, I'm not taking blame for this. I don't go looking for her. She just follows me. I'm not taking the blame for this individual at all. How many times and how many ways can one say go away???

Besides, without knowing the facts, I can't see how somebody would even tell me I'm to blame. 

Facts, people. Please don't judge without facts. 

I do appreciate that you said "you imagine" rather than just pointed the finger at me. 

Now you have the facts.

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## Chantellabella

> I had a real life stalker, and I don't think you can stop them yourself.  4 years is a long time to go through that torment...sorry you're dealing with that .



At least she has always been in another state. That must have been scary to have one that lived close to you. I think my stalker is all talk. I would hate to know one who actually was living around you. Very creepy. It's creepy enough that they seem obsessed, but to have one who you could see face to face must be really creepy. Sorry you had to deal with that.

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## Chantellabella

> Online stalker??



Yep. Looks for me all over cyberspace it seems.

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## Anteros

> Yep. Looks for me all over cyberspace it seems.



And she will be zapped if she ever shows her face here!

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## Anteros

> So no, I'm not taking blame for this. I don't go looking for her. She just follows me. I'm not taking the blame for this individual at all. How many times and how many ways can one say go away???



Yep, often stalkers have no concept of boundaries.  

It can be anything that attracts them, too - not just being too nice.

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## Chantellabella

> And she will be zapped if she ever shows her face here!



THAT is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.  :Hug: 


GoatHorned, I'm sorry for sounding pretty abrupt here. This woman is a sore spot for me. I didn't need to get snippy with you. I'm sorry. 

I actually did a full apology to her for whatever it was I did to her years ago and she apologized back. But then she wouldn't let it go because I didn't do some big public forgiveness thing.  She would think that whatever I wrote on forums or on my blog was about her when it wasn't at all. She somehow decided that I talked about her 24/7 when she didn't even enter my mind. 

I just wanted her gone. I thought she was but it seems like about every 6 months she's here in my life again.

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## Chantellabella

And I would like to be able to post things online without her watching, reading, lurking, and needing to join sites where I am. 

I want to be free of her. I keep hoping that each time she shows up in my life, that this time will be the last. I want it to be the last. I want her to let it go.

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## Chantellabella

> I had a real life stalker, and I don't think you can stop them yourself.  4 years is a long time to go through that torment...sorry you're dealing with that .



How did you get rid of your stalker (if it's ok to talk about it here).

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## Anteros

> THAT is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.



I'm keeping watch from the nearest telephone pole!  :Hug:

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## Chantellabella

> I'm keeping watch from the nearest telephone pole!



Somehow I believe that.  ::):   You guys are awesome!  I thought about changing my username, but I really don't want to succumb to bullies. Why should I change my life for somebody else's crazy?

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## Anteros

> Why should I change my life for somebody else's crazy?



Exactly.  Don't let her win!

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## IllusionOfHappiness

I've never been in the situation, but I hope you find a way to get rid of her. I don't imagine this helps your anxiety much.  ::(: 
It's good you decided not to change your username. 

My sister had an online & offline stalker before. I think eventually he backed off - police were never involved to my knowledge. She's not an internet addict like myself, but she still had to temporarily delete her facebook account and switch email addresses a few times. He would sign in as her and pretend to be her. It was really scary reading someone mimic her mannerisms and writing style so accurately.

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## Chantellabella

> I've never been in the situation, but I hope you find a way to get rid of her. I don't imagine this helps your anxiety much. 
> It's good you decided not to change your username. 
> 
> My sister had an online & offline stalker before. I think eventually he backed off - police were never involved to my knowledge. She's not an internet addict like myself, but she still had to temporarily delete her facebook account and switch email addresses a few times. He would sign in as her and pretend to be her. It was really scary reading someone mimic her mannerisms and writing style so accurately.



Yeah. I just can't understand what the thrill is to stay so stuck to somebody. At some point they must get the message that no matter what they say or do, it's not going change the fact that you don't want them in your life.  Sorry she had that.

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## Sparrow

> How did you get rid of your stalker (if it's ok to talk about it here).



He was caught and arrested after 9 months.  He was only in jail a few weeks because I dropped the charges.  I felt guilty and couldn't believe the seriousness of what he was doing.  He was caught the morning after his college graduation and had a job already lined up a few hours away, so I think being arrested and his moving stopped it.  This was years ago, and he contacted me through email just once since.

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## Sparrow

I really don't know what you can do, though  ::(: .  Hopefully, she moves on soon!  Unfortunately, she'll probably do it to someone else from what i understand.  But, I was lucky that the police actually took it seriously in my case because I know it's not always believable or understood.

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## T-Bone

> THAT is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. 
> 
> 
> GoatHorned, I'm sorry for sounding pretty abrupt here. This woman is a sore spot for me. I didn't need to get snippy with you. I'm sorry. 
> 
> I actually did a full apology to her for whatever it was I did to her years ago and she apologized back. But then she wouldn't let it go because I didn't do some big public forgiveness thing.  She would think that whatever I wrote on forums or on my blog was about her when it wasn't at all. She somehow decided that I talked about her 24/7 when she didn't even enter my mind. 
> 
> I just wanted her gone. I thought she was but it seems like about every 6 months she's here in my life again.



that's alright  ::):  i didn't mean to make you snippy, either. afterall, i said i could be wrong. obviously i was. 
honestly i don't think i have any advice that could be given on the internet legally, sorry. my methods would not include calling the cops and apologies. it would involve a dose of ones own medicine and terrorization.

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## Chantellabella

> He was caught and arrested after 9 months.  He was only in jail a few weeks because I dropped the charges.  I felt guilty and couldn't believe the seriousness of what he was doing.  He was caught the morning after his college graduation and had a job already lined up a few hours away, so I think being arrested and his moving stopped it.  This was years ago, and he contacted me through email just once since.



That's good that he finally got the message.

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## Chantellabella

> that's alright  i didn't mean to make you snippy, either. afterall, i said i could be wrong. obviously i was. 
> honestly i don't think i have any advice that could be given on the internet legally, sorry. my methods would not include calling the cops and apologies. it would involve a dose of ones own medicine and terrorization.



When I tried retaliating with angry words, that just fed into her need for attention and drama. I did that in the beginning because I couldn't believe how I was being attacked by her words. She was all over the internet calling me names and ranting about me. So in the beginning, I got angry and posted how angry I was at her on my blog. But that just revved her up. Then when I joined Celebrate Recovery, I decided that I was wrong to approach this in an angry way and I apologized on my blog (which she obviously reads). I made amends for my angry words to her. Then I tried to ignore her and let it go. 

But after that, no matter what I wrote on forums or on my blog, she would insist it was about her. It wasn't. In her mind I was still egging her on when I was truly not. She only entered my mind if she attacked me again via my blog. She also got people to attack me when she believed I was speaking about her. 

But I knew that if I gave into the fight, it would go on forever. So I backed off. One day she point blank asked me why I didn't like her. I listed all the insults, name calling, getting her friends to attack me. Then she posted this 2 page list of apologies. Her last line said, "You don't have to acknowledge this or forgive me because that would imply we had a relationship." So I took her advice and forgave her in my heart, but did not do some big public forgiveness thing which she obviously wanted (even though she said I did not have to do it). I was afraid that if I spoke to her anymore there would be an implication that all was well and that we had some relationship. I didn't want that relationship. So I didn't answer. Within one day she plastered me all over cyberspace that she apologized for everything and I wouldn't forgive her. In other words, there's a no win here. 

Then sometime in the beginning of the year, she posted on my blog but my friends didn't let her get away with that. I was looking for a forum to write on and came across her name. Curiousity got the best of me and there she was, ranting about me...... 4 years of this again. .......... never letting it go. So I told my friends on my blog and they commented again about it. I knew I shouldn't have said anything on my blog because obviously she reads it everyday (or it seems that way). So she posted again. But I refuse to moderate comments. I am not afraid of her. 

She's tried every tactic in the book. She obviously googles everything about me and even threatened to talk to my family. She listed my family's names on her site years ago. I don't know what information she planned to tell them because we have all talked, all made amends and there's nothing to hide. It was like she was trying to find some way to hurt me and thought she had things on me. I still never figured out why she hates me so much. I really haven't.

I guess you're wondering how she even came into my life. I found a Christian forum because I had questions about God. I was integrating (I have Dissociative Identity Disorder) and one alter was spiritual but with the wrong teaching. She sought me out on the forum and said she also had DID. But that her alters were demons which she had no control over. After about 2 months, my entire system was scared with her demon talk so I told her I couldn't be her friend anymore. I couldn't talk to her anymore. My alters were taking on her role (long story about how that happens with DID people.Alters will put on costumes to scare others inside). 

My therapist and I thought it best to break all communication with her. I guess that's what made her angry. Not sure. After a year of her attacking me and me fighting back, it was time to let it go. I let it go. She keeps stalking me. It's just frustrating. Really frustrating. She triggers one part of me that wants to fight,and it takes all my will power to control that part. 

Sorry for the long story. I guess I just need to vent about all of this. (Maybe this thread should be in frustration rather than chit chat, huh?) 

But maybe if anybody else has had a stalker in their life, I just need to know. Does it end? I have let it go several times. But the stalker followed me from my site to the other forum and attacked. I'm sure she lurks here also. 

The reason I started this thread was because I feel I am always on guard for when she will strike next. Always worried when I see a suspicious member. I saw one who posted something not even related to a thread, ranting about neighbors. I hate that I let her have this much power in my life..............that I get suspicious. She has no power over me. None at all. I have to remember that. 

So yes, GoatHorned, I could get all messy with this, but I refuse. The best way to approach people like this is to ignore them. I need to work on not letting her trigger, anger, paranoia and fear in me. In reality, she is nothing to me but a pest and I have to work on ignoring that pest better. I would love to give her the same stuff she slings at me, but I am trying to make amends in my life. I have posted amends to her on my blog for my past anger. When someone says they're sorry, and another doesn't forgive or let it go, a person has no more responsibility. It's up to her now to let it go. I've done my part. I just wish she would let it go and never come back into my life. I want to be free of her.

Wow! I guess I had a lot on my mind. Thanks guys for listening to me. I think I needed to get a lot of that off my chest. It also reminded me of my promise of amends. I will let it go from now on. Not even give her another thought. That will truly free me of her..........even if she tries attacking again. 

Plus this time, I have some really good friends who have my back.  ::): 

Thanks for listening.

Cindy

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## CityofAngels

I have a bad side. I will be mean to stalkers if you tell me who they are.

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## Chantellabella

Funny. She lives in CA also. 

Oh you'll know. The last time she went to that other forum, she did a laughable job of trying to be a 15 year old and then a 30 year old. She was ranting so much, she couldn't keep her lies straight. It's sad that she's 47, soon to be 48. In fact her birthday is right after mine and a couple of years ago, when people on a forum told me Happy Birthday, she literally contacted them to scream at them for doing that. Seriously, how much more hateful can a person get?

btw, my birthday is next Weds (the 28th) and I'll be hitting the big 55. (eek!) I'm not sure to be happy I survived that long or depressed because now I'll be getting senior citizen discount at Taco Bueno.

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## Daniel

No.

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## SmileyFace

Yes.. was stalked by someone from SAS. Not even joking...I wish I was.

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## essixo

Yes, stalked for 2 years by this guy who was obsessed with me... And I've had other random men stalk me for short periods trying to get my attention (if that counts).

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## tasty_sauce_code

> Yes.. was stalked by someone from SAS. Not even joking...I wish I was.



Online or in RL ?  Wouldn't think SAS of all places.

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## SmileyFace

> Online or in RL ?  Wouldn't think SAS of all places.



Real life. Ya I see what you mean, I was pretty surprised as well considering their SA was much worse than mine. It was plain awful and awkward when that happened. Needless to say, I never talked to them ever again.. and I know folks with SA don't like being "ignored" and such, myself included... but when you do something like this person did... uh ya, bye. o_o

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## Antidote

Not really. But I have been constantly monitored to the point it made me feel physically and mentally sick and I could no longer post normally. This happened on the other forum and even though they've gone awol there I imagine they still lurk and might even know I'm here, because they're obsessed with monitoring stuff.

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## merc

I was once friends with a stalker. It's kind of a crazy story. When I was in college many many years ago I had no friends until I met this girl who lived down the hall. She was very friendly, pretty and seemed normal. She introduced me to her friend and I started hanging out with them, eating lunch dinner etc with them. 

She claimed to be dating this guy in secret, because his family disapproved of her. His family, she claimed were mobsters. He was Italian so not unreasonable. She would follow this guy all over campus and had us follow him. Any time she would see him She'd yell don't look he is looking at us. I thought this was weird, but I had a friend.  Only; her only subject of conversation was this guy and her hair she had a perm and was obsessed with maintaining it. I began to Hate MY FRIENDS!!!

I went to a party, actually party after party with them trying to locate this dude. It  was very dull so I drank and drank and wound up very drunk and depressed and decided that no friends was better than these friends.  I have never ever drank like that again. It was a turning point for me.

Anyway long story short, this girl had some mental illness,  she never washed her hair and completely invented the story surrounding this guy. It unraveled when she befriended another girl who lived in our dorm who was also a  friend of this guy. This girl confronted him about her story and he never knew her or that she had followed him around all year. The other girl actually stopped me in the hall and asked me about this story of hers.

My honest opinion is that she was in her own reality. She actually believed the stories she told us. Her family came and took her and I have no idea what happened to her. It's sad really and troubling because when I met her I was happy I had a friend. Donna

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## WhoDey

Nah, I'm stalk-proof. I would bore them to death.  :Sleep:

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## Matty

I have had some admirers. But not stalkers.

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## Chantellabella

> I have had some admirers. But not stalkers.



Technically I shouldn't have stalkers. I'm a Children's/Teen Librarian. What librarian on the planet has stalkers? I guess I should feel special.  ::):

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