# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  self esteem

## fetisha

This has been annoying me for so long, I have low self esteem and I hate hearing how most people look down on people who have it and will add insult to injury to them while they are already feeling down on themselves or say having low self esteem makes you look ugly (someone told me this to my face and he has low self esteem himself). I just feel like you shouldn't judge someone on what they are going through or be rude about it. I know having good self esteem is good and better but I still think I am good person with it and I am working on my self esteem. I have been reading articles about how self love is bogus. This article helped me a lot  http://thoughtcatalog.com/shamia-cas...e-is-bullshit/ . I hope my thread made sense.

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## PinkButterfly

It is hard to have self esteem when people just keep hammering you and trying to know a person down so we then do have to work on ourselves and know we can be who we want to be with work and that means yes looking for help and looking up online for help or trying to trust someone who does care about us and does build us up not knock us down and also to remember we are not perfect and we will never be so just get up each day and do self positive talk and No never judge anyone at all ! So not cool of people to do that.

Great Post thank you and Hope you are doing good!

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## Member11

@fetisha
 There nothing wrong with having low self esteem  :Hug:  That person who told you that needs a punch in the face imo  :o:):

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## lethargic nomad

Men on forums and other places will say nasty things about women with low self-esteem.  Something about how women with low self-esteem are easy to get in bed.

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## fetisha

> It is hard to have self esteem when people just keep hammering you and trying to know a person down so we then do have to work on ourselves and know we can be who we want to be with work and that means yes looking for help and looking up online for help or trying to trust someone who does care about us and does build us up not knock us down and also to remember we are not perfect and we will never be so just get up each day and do self positive talk and No never judge anyone at all ! So not cool of people to do that.
> 
> Great Post thank you and Hope you are doing good!



yeah, working on my self esteem is hard.

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## Cuchculan

One thing I done years ago was stopped caring what others thought about me. I am who I am. They don't like that, to hell with them. Is funny that when you stop caring, you can also begin to lift yourself in other ways. Bit like saying that you are just going to get on with things no matter what. Always going to be a few bad people out there. Feck them. Ignore what they have to say. These people mean nothing to you. I found myself starting to do things without any cares at all. Was odd to begin with. It worked for me.

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## fetisha

> One thing I done years ago was stopped caring what others thought about me. I am who I am. They don't like that, to hell with them. Is funny that when you stop caring, you can also begin to lift yourself in other ways. Bit like saying that you are just going to get on with things no matter what. Always going to be a few bad people out there. Feck them. Ignore what they have to say. These people mean nothing to you. I found myself starting to do things without any cares at all. Was odd to begin with. It worked for me.




I know, you are right but confidence/self esteem is the main thing most people look for in a partner so I give up since I struggle so hard with my self esteem. Being in a relationship is overrated and I can't seem to handle it now.

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## InvisibleGuy

This reminds me of the whole "you can't love anyone else if you can't love yourself" philosophy. Idk. I think all of that is a matter of interpretation. I think that phrase is a way to take a cheap shot at people who have low self esteem, tbh.

I think my self esteem has improved over the years, I mean, ffs, it had nowhere to go but up when I was in my teenage years. Self-love is a really tough subject for me, it's one that me and my therapist have argued about for hours. And hours. And hours. I was taught at a very, very young age, by my only caregiver (my mom) that I was worthless. So....having that pounded into your head, literally and metaphorically, it's just extremely difficult to get out of your head that you are NOT worthless. If someone's been taught since they were two or three years old that they're worthless then it's difficult to unlearn, but I've tried.

I don't look down on people with low self esteem. My oldest daughter struggles with it right now. I don't think any less of her. I love her, and all my kids, very, very much, they are my whole world, and I would never think less of them because they had issues with self esteem. Ever.

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## fetisha

> This reminds me of the whole "you can't love anyone else if you can't love yourself" philosophy. Idk. I think all of that is a matter of interpretation. I think that phrase is a way to take a cheap shot at people who have low self esteem, tbh.
> 
> I think my self esteem has improved over the years, I mean, ffs, it had nowhere to go but up when I was in my teenage years. Self-love is a really tough subject for me, it's one that me and my therapist have argued about for hours. And hours. And hours. I was taught at a very, very young age, by my only caregiver (my mom) that I was worthless. So....having that pounded into your head, literally and metaphorically, it's just extremely difficult to get out of your head that you are NOT worthless. If someone's been taught since they were two or three years old that they're worthless then it's difficult to unlearn, but I've tried.
> 
> I don't look down on people with low self esteem. My oldest daughter struggles with it right now. I don't think any less of her. I love her, and all my kids, very, very much, they are my whole world, and I would never think less of them because they had issues with self esteem. Ever.




I'm glad you understand and yes it is hard to get that out of your head and I'm sorry that happen to you. I had a hiring manger not hire me cause of my low self esteem and others have kicked me when I'm down while not having confidence, this so called "tough love" is doing more harm than good when you are trying to help someone but that's just me.

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## Cuchculan

I say who needs people around them who will kick them when they are down? These would be the people I find myself backing away from. I am not saying backing away from as in to be afraid of them. Just they are too toxic and we don't need them around us. I would always make sure I have a certain type of person around me. Maybe this is just my way of doing things. But I have dropped many friends in the past because of how they were. No good to be around them at all. I am lucky I know so many people. So can dump a load and still have others there is needed. I would simply avoid such people.

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## Skippy

no one needs toxic people around them. itll make a bad problem worse. i personally have good self esteem even tho it was affected by that abuse a few years ago. i know im a good person who has a lot to offer this world, and i dont hurt people.so whu feel bad of myself then? im here in this short life to enjoy myself and i wont let anything stop me.  part of feeling better about yourself is accepting the good things on your own terms without societys bias; we know that humans are a bad race generally, extremely flawed but we also know we are individuals who dont need to conform and do have the reasoning to decide right from wrong if we so desire. If ive said it once ive said it 1000 times, confidence is magic. even works like a placebo. we have a choice to ether let ourselves look down upon us (and in so doing allow others to do the same) or we can pick ourselves up and say...hey! im a life...i deserve just as much good and rights as anybody else!

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