# Anxiety Disorders > Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) >  >  Why do people misinterpret kindness?

## HoldTheSea

I wanted to see what other people's opinions and experiences are with this issue, because it's taken a toll on me emotionally and made it very difficult for me to trust people.

People like my partner, who are malicious people at heart and exhibit symptoms of being sociopaths, always seem to be able to fool everyone into thinking that they're kind, well intentioned people. These people often have large social groups with lots of friends, and have little trouble dating and attracting positive attention. No one seems to have any qualms about trusting these people and they often open up to them about things they haven't told others, not even for a second thinking that these people might pass on the information to someone else that it doesn't belong with. These people come across as honest, trustworthy, and responsible people.
On the other hand though, when you have someone who is genuinely kind and actually _does_ have good intentions, people think that they have an ulterior motive and that they are using people and being dishonest. When a genuinely well intentioned person is kind to people they either interpret it as that person wanting something from them, or they think there is more than meets the eye and that the person is not who they appear to be and that they are going to harm them in some way. People meet a genuinely kind person and say "That person is up to something malicious." People who are sweet, good natured human beings are often labeled as manipulative, sneaky, and dishonest. For no reason...?

I don't understand the psychology of this, like, at all. This is totally backwards. Why is it that sociopaths are revered and trusted, but people who are actually seeking to do good in the world are turned down because their behavior is interpreted as... bullshit?
I guess it's actually true that "nice guys finish last."

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## Cuchculan

Some people know how to play other people. For their own gain. They can make it look like they are your best friend. Have seen it many times. You feel like you can trust them with anything. Because everything about them is telling you to trust them. Great examples of this would be leaders of cults and sects. People follow them because they believe in them. they take in every word they say. 

Now your real sincere kind person might be lacking in some areas that those fake people have. You are not offering the person the same sort of comfort in the same way that the fake person is. Dare I say it is a skill. The art of manipulation. The fake person might tell the other person a secret. By way of saying ' only you know about this '. This gains them even more trust and respect. They know how to play a crowd. I am not saying anybody is like Hitler. But Hitler was an amazing talker. He could hold a crowd with his words. The crowd believed what he was telling them. No matter how bad it was. But the man was bad tactician. When it came to war he was brutal at organising his army in the right way. He would let others do that side of things most of the time. Only times he done it the Germans were wiped out. But people still listened to him. He had that skill of been able to talk. To let people hear what he knew they wanted to hear. 

So it is a skill. some have it and others don't. How many times have you heard of people handing over money to people after they were offered something? They might not even know the person. But he has that same skill. You trust him. He is selling you a false idea. Not something we all could do. At times people trust the wrong people. Because they are the ones who come across in a way that that person likes. In a way that they want to see a person coming across. Body language can also play a big part in it too. How you present yourself to others. 

The real person trying to do good might be trying a bit too hard. This might be picked up on as well. Thus they are viewed in a negative way. For overdoing it. Some people think too much in advance of doing something. It can be easily picked up on too. Simple people reading people. Getting it wrong a lot of the time.

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## Member11

I lost count of the amount of times I've been yelled at for being too nice and kind, either because they think I have an ulterior motive or they are trying to "save" me from being used as per the "nice guys finish last". They assume I'm making a conscious effort to be nice and kind, but it actually comes naturally to me, it actually takes a lot of conscious effort for me to not be kind and it feels so unnatural  :shrug:

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## PinkButterfly

For me I just do not trust people at all because of the games people play so now I remove them from my life and do my best to forgive and pray for them and know God has my best interest in his heart and soul and my therapist is helping me so much. I still can love from a distance and pray for them but I wont be treated like I have been before and I wont argue with anyone anymore it is not Godly.

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## anxiouskathie

People misinterpret kindness in my opinion because they are always looking for the bad in others or they don't accept someone who may disagree with their opinions.  Kindness is giving and accepting thoughts; kindness is not gossiping about others; kindness is considering what others may have been through, not just what you yourself have been through; kindness is respect.

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