# Anxiety Disorders > Social Anxiety Disorder >  >  Do you feel guilty saying no?

## Cage

To any situation? I even have trouble with telemarketers and high-pressure salespersons.  ::(:

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## Dak

Yes.

Then I learned, "Burden of proof is on the affirmative."  If someone asks you for something, and you're not satisfied, then you don't have to do so.

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## Ironman

I used to - but now, when proper boundaries are up, then it is okay.

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## Chantellabella

I used to. Now, I say no before people even ask me the question.

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## Marleywhite

F*ck no ::

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## CaduceusGUILT

Most of the time I do, so I rarely say no. :/

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## L

Depends on who the person is but mostly hate saying no

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## CeCe

idk, feels like im disappointing people saying no :/

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## Anteros

I used to.  But the older I've gotten, the less I give a crap.

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## Nelly

Always. I find it tough to stand up for myself and I'm afriad of disappointing others

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## anonymid

Yeah, almost always, even when I'm completely justified in saying so.

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## kittycait

Always. I feel too sorry for others and hate to make them feel bad. Even if they deserve it.

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## Dane

Depends on who the person is, but with telemarketers and salespeople, it's no problem.

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## i just want luv

Si' the chance that they may think ill of me for it.

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## Cage

Bumping as I don't know how to deal with this  :Mega Shock:

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## InvisibleGuy

I used to have a real problem with this. I think me becoming a dad, having kids years ago cured me of that. Seriously. 

I'm only talking about myself, but I think a lot of the reason I had such a hard time saying no was because at one time I had zero self esteem. I mean, none. So I didn't stick up for myself, and I was so afraid of disappointing people. So much so that I never put my own needs first. Ever. I'm not insinuating anything about your situation...just saying, that's how it was for me. And it's not that I don't care about disappointing friends or family now, oc I do....I think I just know when to stick up for myself and put my needs first when I should. 

The last big "no" I said was to my kids last weekend, while we were on vacation at this waterpark. All three of my kids and both of their cousins asked me if they could take the tram, by themselves, a few miles away to the other side. And come back to the cabin when the park closed. There is no fucking way I'd ever say yes to that. They were crazy to have even asked me. No way. Never in a million years.

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## Cuchculan

I am what is known as a straight talker. If I want to say No I will simply say No. I know it not as easy as that for everybody. Years ago I managed football teams. Both kids and adults. You had to be blunt. Person playing badly you had to tell them or take them off the pitch. You are there to win games, not friends. Suited me just fine. I can recall even breaking up with a person I was with. No nice way to do such a thing. So I simply just said it. The end result was always going to be the same no matter how you dressed it up. People who know me are well used to me by now. Straight talker no nonsense sort of person. But I do love a good laugh too. One might contradict the other to some people. I joke around a lot. When the serious side is needed it is always there. Some can do it and some will struggle. Will add in I help people were and when I can. I am not one of those who will tell you to get lost. Far from it. But if I can't do it, I can't do it. No will be the answer.

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## Otherside

Comes with a lack of assertiveness for me. So yes, I really do feel guilty saying no.

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## Skippy

Naw, aint hard for me to say no to people. When it comes to people in my life, sometimes I have to say no if im unable to meet the need they ask, but in such case id make compromise if possible. As long as I am able, I do what i can. when it comes to people like pushy sales people etc? if i want somethin i will go find it, otherwise I aint lookin!

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## L

Depends on what is being asked of me...

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## Cuchculan

Obvious example. My brother rang me up yesterday. Needed a sheet printed out. Said I could do nothing about that. He asked why. No printer. Then still thought I could get it done. If you haven't got a printer, you can't print. What part of that was not understood? Told him of a shop that does printing that is all but around the corner from his house. That will mean I will have to pay for it, was his next words. Just flat out said there is nothing I can do. Time to put his hand in his pocket and pay a few cents to have it done. Point here been you can get awkward people as well. How do they expect you to do something if you have not got what it takes to do that something? You tell them, but they still don't get it. You have to spell it out for them. Even then they seem confused. LOL

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## fetisha

sometimes

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## InvisibleGuy

I really cannot even express how huge it was for me when I finally learned how to say "no" lol. It was just huge. I still struggle with low self esteem, if I'm being totally honest, and I still have this urge to not disappoint people (who really wants to disappoint people, the ones you really care about, your loved ones)....but I will say no now, without hesitation. I don't think I'm a selfish person at all, but sometimes my needs do come first. I'm not a saint lol. For example, weekends with my kids come first. That's my time with them. Idgaf what's going on, or what you need from me, or what kind of favors you ask of me, or how close we are...if it falls on a weekend with my kids I'm 99% of the time going to say no. Unless you're dying or something lol.

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## JamieWAgain

Yes, I think I do have a terrible time saying no in certain circumstances. 
For instance, I'm on the board of a local non profit, and I do this voluntarily with my own time, when I'm not working. I was thinking today that this year I will not have the time or energy to do all that I've previously done for our community. I'll have to say no and try to find someone else to spearhead the events. This will be extremely hard for me. 
Also, my husband likes to go out to dinner after work. I would rather come home and change and play with my dog. He gets he doesn't like it if I say no. 
I don't feel guilty saying no, I just think I like to feel needed actually. I have to work on this.

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## Conceda

Sometimes No, because I know when to say No and why I say so..

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## BrookeAshley

Yes! I feel like a disappointment or that I've just completely let them down and they won't love me anymore. Its very hard for me to ever say no.

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## Otherside

For me, I know where this comes from. My mother had the same anxiety. She was afraid to say no. This has had an affect on me. Now as a result, I struggle with saying no. I saw it then as simply being impolite to say no. Now though I can see it for what it was. 

I was working on assertiveness. It's not something that comes naturally to me at all. I'm more than of the passive people-pleaser and I'll do everything. I suppose I'm more of a what you would call "passive" person. 

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## Chantellabella

Do I feel guilty saying no?

No. For many reasons.

If a person always says yes even if they want to say no, then that person is not taking care of their own needs. They may be acting co-dependently, or are people pleasing. Or that person is enabling someone. Or that person is being bullied.

The word no represents honesty, consistency, and consequences. It avoids co-dependency and it is tough love.

You don't have to be mean when you say no and an explanation would be compassionate.

 But giving in to a yes when a no is appropriate isn't a helpful thing.

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## sweetful

I don't struggle with this anymore like I used to, although I still feel guilty at times. If I feel I have to say no, I try to do so as nicely as I can.

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## JamieWAgain

I feel guilty about everything all the time. And now my H told me today that I should feel guilty for not calling my mother.  (She's in a bad place and a clairvoyant told me to call her as she won't be with us much longer) but I just can't do it right now. So, why don't I feel guilty about what I SHOULD feel guilty for.  ::(: 
BTW, I did not ask the clairvoyant for that bit of information. She just told it to me.

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## Chantellabella

Do I feel guilty saying no?

Again.

No.

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## 1

Nope

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## Ironman

It can be an issue, but I can say "no" now.

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## Relle

I admit, I do have a hard time telling people"no". I've gotten a little better with being more assertive and standing up for myself but sometimes, it's hard for me. I've been used a couple times as a result of not saying no to certain things. I definitely have to work on that because it's a weakness of mine.

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## InvisibleGuy

No.

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