# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  Angry, miserable people

## WineKitty

I really have to stay off that "OTHER" site.  I haven't even been on very much lately but was viciously and cruelly attacked in a thread I started but I didn't even participate in anything but the original poll.  Been very busy the last few days.  I logged on today to find 2 plus pages attacking me and another user.  I am sick to my stomach and almost shaking and my head is pounding.  I can handle debate very well, but not mean and cruel attacks.  I have tried to be nothing but civil since my ban was lifted and it hasn't worked--the new mods let things go wild over there.  

For the record, I am a 44-year-old married woman.  I joined that site back in 2004.  Perma banned for a year or almost 2, don't even remember how long.  Reinstated only because of the kind, reasonable former mods.  I was the target of a well known mod that banned several long time members.  But I was a gentle baby kitten compared to some of the angry people over there now that are walking all over people.

I need to take some Klonopin now.  I am physically sick from the attackfest over there.  I need to take them off my "favorites" and just check in here instead.

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## anonymid

I'm still shuttling back and forth between the two forums (only because there's a lot more activity over there), but yeah, it's such a toxic atmosphere over there. And I say that as someone who's never had any personal issues with anyone over there or been directly involved in any nasty arguments or drama. Just witnessing all the meanness, nastiness, immaturity, and trolling is exhausting. It's so much to easier to breathe over here.

A support forum should be a refuge from the nastiness of the real world. That place is anything but.

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## Harpuia

Yeah, what happened back there was simply b.s.  I'm done there once the fallout finishes up and chances are I'm not going back.

Didn't know all of the cool people came here though.  I'll have to set up shop later.

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## WineKitty

I just deleted all my info and avatar and used "Self Banned" as my status.  Done with it.  ^^Good to see you harpuia!!!

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## Harpuia

> I just deleted all my info and avatar and used "Self Banned" as my status.  Done with it.  ^^Good to see you harpuia!!!



Woo!  Hallo!  ::):

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## Ironman

It just seems a bit less safe than before.

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## takethebiscuit

Not impressed with that site these days.

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## L

Nicely said ventura  ::):

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## Anteros

^ Indeed... well said, Kay! 

Winekitty, I am sorry for how you were treated.   :Hug:

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## Harpuia

> .



I just can't believe in the 8-9 months I stopped posting there that it could've actually gotten worse.  Yeah, there were always gender wars, and there always will be in some way no matter where you go, but there it got to the point where it was straight up bullying and personal attacks.  Forget generalizing.  Now we're talking about making fun of people for being friends with other people... seriously.  I would go off on them, but I'm probably banned at this point so...

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## WineKitty

I hope more people find out about this site.  I would have made a thread about it but I know it would be deemed SPAMMING.  There are still a bunch of good people there but they are becoming the minority.  I just need to stop going there.  I had no idea I was so disliked.  ::(:

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## Harpuia

The last 15 hours or so have been so crazy for me, I think I got whiplash.

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## Chocolate

Maybe, eventually, that's what happens to every forum over time. It's the Internet. I don't know if that's true, as I've only been an member on the one forum. But there will always be cruel people who ruin things for the others. 

That site is nothing to me now, for various reasons. I'm glad I left before all hell broke loose!

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## WineKitty

I requested a ban so I can't even look at the site--not a healthy thing for me.  There is a certain user that constantly talks crap about me and gets away with.  So I have taken the reader off my phone and cannot access the site for a month.  I need to stay away and opt for more healthy things to do.  I never leave this site feeling upset or beat up.  I am putting the other place behind me.

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## Dak

I honestly don't think the moderation is the problem over there.

The problem is the site has just been around for a while.  This happens with all forums really.  The longer the forum's lifespan, the more trolling it attracts because people find it.

I've talked with *(EDITED OUT NAME)*, and she said it's difficult trying to tell when people are trolling versus not.  She actually thought I was a troll, and after we chatted and she saw me handle a couple people on chat, her impression of me totally changed.

The problem is some people make sarcastic teasing remarks out of instinct, and that teasing can get out of control where they want to provoke others getting in trouble.  The mods there are very blinded towards understanding teasing.  They tolerate opinions they like while claiming they're teasing, and oppose opinions they don't like while claiming they're inappropriate.

I don't tease people ever, and Penny even said I need to learn to lighten up.  For example, one of the rules is "no generalities" but *(EDITED OUT NAME)* doesn't understand that socially anxious people often have nothing but generalities to share BECAUSE they're too anxious to socialize.  Without socializing, people lack particular details.  Likewise, people who are anxious while socializing can't remember the details which happen.

It's difficult to lighten up when you don't have details to share.  I don't think *(EDITED OUT NAME)* understands this, and I don't think she wants to deal with users who are that difficult.  She's deliberately trying to scare some people off in order to accommodate only the forms of social anxiety she approves of.

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## Harpuia

> I honestly don't think the moderation is the problem over there.
> 
> The problem is the site has just been around for a while.  This happens with all forums really.  The longer the forum's lifespan, the more trolling it attracts because people find it.
> 
> I've talked with (EDITED OUT NAME), and she said it's difficult trying to tell when people are trolling versus not.  She actually thought I was a troll, and after we chatted and she saw me handle a couple people on chat, her impression of me totally changed.
> 
> The problem is some people make sarcastic teasing remarks out of instinct, and that teasing can get out of control where they want to provoke others getting in trouble.  The mods there are very blinded towards understanding teasing.  They tolerate opinions they like while claiming they're teasing, and oppose opinions they don't like while claiming they're inappropriate.
> 
> I don't tease people ever, and (EDITED OUT NAME) even said I need to learn to lighten up.  For example, one of the rules is "no generalities" but Penny doesn't understand that socially anxious people often have nothing but generalities to share BECAUSE they're too anxious to socialize.  Without socializing, people lack particular details.  Likewise, people who are anxious while socializing can't remember the details which happen.
> ...



That's pathetic.  How's that supposed to help the individual with SA that might have a more severe case than the typical SAer on there?

I'll say (EDITED OUT NAME) is right on one thing though... it's very difficult to tell who is trolling and who is serious these days on just about anything because any crackpot idea seems to be taken seriously.  I should know, I used to debate politics.  >.>  But what they could start with is properly define what "spamming" is.

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## Dak

> That's pathetic.  How's that supposed to help the individual with SA that might have a more severe case than the typical SAer on there?
> 
> I'll say ***** is right on one thing though... it's very difficult to tell who is trolling and who is serious these days on just about anything because any crackpot idea seems to be taken seriously.  I should know, I used to debate politics.  >.>  But what they could start with is properly define what "spamming" is.



Right.

If I was more sophisticated, then I could deal with the serious and trolling people alike because I could tease them...

...but if I could tease them, then I wouldn't be socially anxious...  ::

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## Harpuia

> Right.
> 
> If I was more sophisticated, then I could deal with the serious and trolling people alike because I could tease them...
> 
> ...but if I could tease them, then I wouldn't be socially anxious...



When I first went on I thought I had SA.  Later on down the road I found out it was a misdiagnosis I found out I had Asperger's mixed with symptoms of PTSD and MRD instead.

So maybe if I tease them I can blame it on the Aspies.   :XD:

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## Ironman

Actually, moderators eventually pick up on the troll stuff.  It is not an overnight thing, though - it takes mad mod skillz to determine that!

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