# Struggles and Support > Medication >  >  YFS & Stimulants

## YFS

Those of you who've seen my threads on SAS know I've been pursuing stimulants for my case of treatment resistant depression.

 I got rejected by my soon to be ex pdoc at yesterday's appointment.

 I'm making it my mission to get stimulants for TRD. 

 How many of you have had experience with stims for TRD?

----------


## Equinox

I have experience with both treatment resistant depression (among other things) and Dextroamphetamine (prescribed for adult ADHD). 
In my experience it helped with the cognitive issues associated with depression such as poor concentration and fatigue, however not so much with the emotional issues. 

Anxiety wise I find it absolutely neutral although it did have a tendency to worsen my insomnia somewhat. 

Honestly my advice if you really want to try a stimulant is to focus on possible ADHD symptoms with your pdoc. Even though stimulants may indeed help with TRD most psychiatrists are uneasy with prescribing them for this purpose.

As usual your mileage may vary but I hope this helps.

----------


## UltraShy

> Honestly my advice if you really want to try a stimulant is to focus on possible ADHD symptoms with your pdoc. Even though stimulants may indeed help with TRD most psychiatrists are uneasy with prescribing them for this purpose.



Back in late 2009 I got amphetamines prescribed for TRD by my former pdoc.  I never tried to present it as ADHD, because I never really gave it any thought, and I'm also horrible at faking stuff.  With TRD I needed to fake nothing as it's my reality.

My pdoc officially listed my diagnosis as ADHD Primarily Inattentive.  Did he seriously believe that?  I honesty have no idea.  He could very well have just been covering his [BEEP] legally, seeing how amphetamines are the standard treatment for ADHD so real easy to justify that C-II script.  While they're used for TRD that's a rarity & it's controversial to say the least.  In any case, I'm sure that pdoc knew I wasn't simply drug seeking as I knew him for 5 or 6 years before bringing up the issue of stimulants.  Junkies surely don't show that level of patience.  I wish I'd brought it up earlier, though I never thought amphetamines would be the least bit helpful; I was wrong on that.  Also when I started seeing him in 2003 I wasn't severely depressed.  Back then it was lots of anxiety with mild chronic depression.  It later went to lots of anxiety with suicidal levels of depression.

Amphetamines can be a literal lifesaver.  Even in the most deeply depressed sate if I take an amphetamine it will make sticking around for yet another day seem perfectly reasonable.  Even if in the total clarity of my drugged-with-amphetamine state I can see with crystal clear clarity that I'd objectively be best off dead.  Many would think it impossible to rationally think such a thing, feeling that's something that can only be believed while within the mental haze of depression that clouds your ability to think clearly.  I took Vyvanse 70mg upon waking and I'm feeling pretty damn content as I sit here typing.  I have no urge to terminate my life now, though I can still see that it would be a perfectly rational response to my situation.  Though I'm perfectly content to keep living for now.

It truly disgusts me how stimulants are regularly demonized.  Adderall is that drug that dumbass students take so they can stay up 24/7 to cram for finals as they need to learn all the stuff they blew off in favor of partying during the rest of the semester.  Or the media runs articles about f'ing idiots who manage end up in the ER or even die from taking insane amounts of stimulants.  Oh, who cares!  Like I'm supposed to shed a tear for irresponsible morons who get hurt by acting as morons.  If they remove themselves from the gene pool, I'll applaud as we don't need another generation of damn morons.  All the while the media never mentions a word about how amphetamines can literally save lives.  Lives like mine.  I don't make for a good article though as I'm alive and we don't write about those who are alive.  Not being dead simply isn't a story.

----------


## YFS

I wouldn't present myself as a person with ADD/ADHD. Just wouldn't want to try to pull it off.

 I HAVE thought about hiding my severe social anxiety from the pdoc's and just presenting myself as an individual with just TRD. There's two kinks in that plan, though - One, I want to keep taking benzos from whoever my next pdoc is. Two, I couldn't possibly hide my SA from any prospective pdoc. They get me in their room and my severe anxiety will be clear as day as I shake, trip over words and the like. My anxiety is through the roof just walking in a store, let alone in the office of a pdoc.

----------


## Equinox

I didn't mean to suggest 'faking' ADHD, it's just my personal opinion that TRD contains elements of ADHD within it.

I've talked more about it in another thread. http://anxietyspace.com/forums/showt...ts-Perspective

----------


## YFS

> Back in late 2009 I got amphetamines prescribed for TRD by my former pdoc.  I never tried to present it as ADHD, because I never really gave it any thought, and I'm also horrible at faking stuff.  With TRD I needed to fake nothing as it's my reality.
> 
> My pdoc officially listed my diagnosis as ADHD Primarily Inattentive.  Did he seriously believe that?  I honesty have no idea.  He could very well have just been covering his [BEEP] legally, seeing how amphetamines are the standard treatment for ADHD so real easy to justify that C-II script.  While they're used for TRD that's a rarity & it's controversial to say the least.  In any case, I'm sure that pdoc knew I wasn't simply drug seeking as I knew him for 5 or 6 years before bringing up the issue of stimulants.  Junkies surely don't show that level of patience.  I wish I'd brought it up earlier, though I never thought amphetamines would be the least bit helpful; I was wrong on that.  Also when I started seeing him in 2003 I wasn't severely depressed.  Back then it was lots of anxiety with mild chronic depression.  It later went to lots of anxiety with suicidal levels of depression.
> 
> Amphetamines can be a literal lifesaver.  Even in the most deeply depressed sate if I take an amphetamine it will make sticking around for yet another day seem perfectly reasonable.  Even if in the total clarity of my drugged-with-amphetamine state I can see with crystal clear clarity that I'd objectively be best off dead.  Many would think it impossible to rationally think such a thing, feeling that's something that can only be believed while within the mental haze of depression that clouds your ability to think clearly.  I took Vyvanse 70mg upon waking and I'm feeling pretty damn content as I sit here typing.  I have no urge to terminate my life now, though I can still see that it would be a perfectly rational response to my situation.  Though I'm perfectly content to keep living for now.
> 
> It truly disgusts me how stimulants are regularly demonized.  Adderall is that drug that dumbass students take so they can stay up 24/7 to cram for finals as they need to learn all the stuff they blew off in favor of partying during the rest of the semester.  Or the media runs articles about f'ing idiots who manage end up in the ER or even die from taking insane amounts of stimulants.  Oh, who cares!  Like I'm supposed to shed a tear for irresponsible morons who get hurt by acting as morons.  If they remove themselves from the gene pool, I'll applaud as we don't need another generation of damn morons.  All the while the media never mentions a word about how amphetamines can literally save lives.  Lives like mine.  I don't make for a good article though as I'm alive and we don't write about those who are alive.  Not being dead simply isn't a story.



Are you still on Dex? How often do you take the Dex? Daily or.....?

----------


## UltraShy

> Are you still on Dex? How often do you take the Dex? Daily or.....?



Yes, I'm still on amphetamines, though not dex specifically.  Due to shortages followed by astronomical price increases, I'm now on Adderall.  Doesn't really matter as Adderall is 75% d-amphetamine and is so similar I'd be unable to tell any difference other than Adderall seems to have a somewhat longer duration of action.  I also have Vyvanse in my collection of meds, which, as you likely know is the prodrug of dextroampehtamine, so it behaves just like an extended release version of dex.

I try not to take it daily as I fear the positive effects will lessen if used too much.  And given how truly wonderful stimulants are I don't want to risk such great effects going away.  I also try to keep the dose down to avoid tolerance.

You're suicidally depressed.  Well, if amphetamine doesn't put you in a mood where living another day seems reasonable, I don't know anything that will.  It's your best shot at getting that mood change you want & getting it within the hour.  Amphetamine is fast & dramatic.  They impress me, and you surely know how I criticize damn near every drug there is, calling most total crap.  Thus it means something when I give a drug two enthusiastic thumbs up.

----------


## UltraShy

> Anxiety wise I find it absolutely neutral although it did have a tendency to worsen my insomnia somewhat.



Amphetamine has never caused me insomnia.  In fact I can sleep right through them.  My first experience was anti-climactic when I took a Dexedrine spansule in 2000 and then proceeded to take a 3 hour nap.  I wasn't at all impressed by sleeping for a few hours after taking what's supposed to be one of the most stimulating substances in the world.  It would take me years to figure out how wonderful amphetamine could actually be; I was a real slow learner it seems.

----------


## YFS

> Yes, I'm still on amphetamines, though not dex specifically.  Due to shortages followed by astronomical price increases, I'm now on Adderall.  Doesn't really matter as Adderall is 75% d-amphetamine and is so similar I'd be unable to tell any difference other than Adderall seems to have a somewhat longer duration of action.  I also have Vyvanse in my collection of meds, which, as you likely know is the prodrug of dextroampehtamine, so it behaves just like an extended release version of dex.
> 
> I try not to take it daily as I fear the positive effects will lessen if used too much.  And given how truly wonderful stimulants are I don't want to risk such great effects going away.  I also try to keep the dose down to avoid tolerance.
> 
> You're suicidally depressed.  Well, if amphetamine doesn't put you in a mood where living another day seems reasonable, I don't know anything that will.  It's your best shot at getting that mood change you want & getting it within the hour.  Amphetamine is fast & dramatic.  They impress me, and you surely know how I criticize damn near every drug there is, calling most total crap.  Thus it means something when I give a drug two enthusiastic thumbs up.



Indeed - too bad that point was completely lost on my ex pdoc.

My ex pdoc pulled the hippocratic oath out of his rectum when we were discussing Wellbutrin last Wednesday. I'm not kidding you. This is after he shot down my stimulants request. He said stimulants and even Well-fucking-butrin would be a violation of his oath to "do no harm" to me.  Stimulants will make my anxiety worse, he says! He doesn't want to harm me!

Well, in the _not so_ unlikely event I wind up blowing my brains out I hope that fucker feels really good about his hippocratic oath. He can take it and shove it back up his fucking [BEEP] - I wonder if he'll still feel good about refusing to prescribe me something that could've saved my life once I've fired a 12 gauge at my head.

----------


## UltraShy

^Doctors are like the Catholic Church.  They make a distinction between allowing harm to occur and actively participating.  So he can't actively participate in something that could make you nervous, but he can passively allow you to end up dead.  In their morally twisted universe nervous is worse than death, you see.

----------

