# Anxiety Disorders > Body Dysmorphic >  >  Weight Fluctuation Panic

## Sibyl

I know this sounds silly, but over the past couple of weeks I feel certain I've gained a few pounds and it's thrown off my entire face and body (not that I liked it before, but it's really unacceptable now). My cheeks are so round now, everything about me is bloated and puffy, and I swear even my nose is bigger. It's really thrown me off; I can't sleep, I can't focus, I keep having mood swings and snapping at people because I'm on edge whenever I can feel someone looking at me, and that in turn sets off a lot of guilt--which is a big bag of rabid cats in and of itself. I'm too terrified to exercise, as well, because I might accidentally see or touch a part of my body and freak out because of how fat it is. I'd really rather not deal with emotions of that intensity because they have a tendency to escalate beyond my control and I've already had enough panic attacks to last me the month; I've no desire for any more. I'm well aware how irrational all this is; I know that if I just sucked it up and worked out a bit I could have a chance of getting the weight problem under control again, but the fear keeps overriding my rational side and I don't know how to get it to shut up. My family flat-out refuses to discuss this sort of thing with me, because they don't think it's a big enough change in weight to matter aesthetically and they find it frustrating to hear me talk about it. But I wish I could talk about it with _someone_ because my own perspective isn't helpful at all right now.

I know what I have to _do_--I just don't know how to get in the correct mental state to actually _go through_ _with it,_ and the stakes are getting higher as September gets closer. I can't exactly hide in the house like a hermit _and_ attend classes.

I was wondering if other people have been through a similar issue and have any advice or any mental tricks they use in this sort of situation. I just want to be able to have a bit of control over my own appearance, instead of it controlling me. 

Thank you to anyone who read this, whether or not you reply--I appreciate your time.

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