# Struggles and Support > Inspiration and Success >  >  "The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about"

## Anxiety Space

_By Cynthia Oser, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)_





Some kids follow exactly that route and understand that they are doing the "right thing." Their sense of belonging is confirmed because most of the other kids are following instructions too. Their parents are proud of their accomplishment to follow instructions and be part of a group.

Some kids stand in the middle and spin, or shake their hips. They understand that they are being "cute" and are praised by their parents for being creative, bold, and leaders who march to their own drums.

Then there are some kids who just stand there. They're embarrassed, or afraid to mess up. They don't feel comfortable with public displays of hokey pokeying. They may not be too sure which hand is the right one. They may not want to shake it all about because they're afraid it will make them look silly.

To compound the hokey pokey problem, their parents look embarrassed that they are not participating. The kids feel shame because now their parents are affected by their inadequacy or unwillingness to turn themselves around. The parents may yell at the kids and make them do it. The kids' problems are minimized. The parents may leave them home next hokey pokey time, so that they not only feel left out, but have time to think about what they've done. The kids become hokey pokey defective. Some people just call it socially anxious.

After all, the hokey pokey IS what it's all about, right? Who can follow norm? Who outwardly displays conformity or fits in? Who proves to the world that the parent did a perfect parenting job? Yes, it IS all about the Hokey Pokey. Worth. Belonging. Happiness. Anxiety. Safety. Shame. And power.



Now who wants to play anti-Hokey Pokey? 

You think about putting your hand in
Do it only if it feels safe and right
Doesn't matter which hand or if you even do
Your hesitation is accepted because your parents still love you
The important thing is you feel worthwhile, hopeful, and powerful
Because it's ok to be you
That's what it's all about. 

It's ok to play the anti-Hokey Pokey. It really is. Because no one has a right to dictate where your right hand needs to go. Only you have that right. You know what's best for you. You have the power to make yourself happy.

Others ruling you is only a game. Take charge. Stick your tongue out next time.

Or play anti-Monopoly.

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## L

I love it - parents should be made read this. Really well put xx

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## mp

> I love it - parents should be made read this. Really well put xx



yeah i agree.......

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