# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  Why are social people mean to lonely people?

## rapidfox1

I want to be a hermit for various reasons. 

[QUOTE]THE ANCIENT. ONE WHO OBSERVES, BUT REMAINS SILENT. A WISE MAN WILL--NO, HAS ALREADY--INTRODUCED YOU TO SECRET KNOWLEDGE. SOMEONE TERRIBLY OLD, WHO DOES NOT SOCIALIZE. I SEEN TIMES GONE.[QUOTE]

Neil Gaiman, the Books of Magic

Unfortunately, there are people out there who would oppose the solitude of one. They believe that we all need friends, companions, acquaintances; to be apart of a group, where we must get along in order to get ahead.

Like when I was walking alone through this valley I live near by, I passed two people and this girl asked her male companion why I was walking alone. I need don't a companion to walk outside. I walk for the exercise, to think critically.

They have forgotten or don't believe in individual transcendence. It is writing literature that helps me endure through life.

If you are a loner whether by choice or circumstances, people ignore, mock, fear you. They tell you to conform, to get a life (we do have lives for we all breathe). They will think you're a freak.

Fortunately, there are those who will accept your lifestyle of solitude, even if they are social.

I have justifications for the beauty of solitude. No matter how many times I repeat this, I believe it be true. Solitude can bring one freedom, peace, the ability to think critically, intelligence, to work on your gifts and to study, and etc.

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## doosey

I totally agree! Solitude, I think helps us as individuals get to know ourselves from within, and as you said it can bring peace and freedom to us as humans.

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## Inscrutable Banana

Sometimes I wish I had isolated myself less, but I also think that I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't. Not being constantly surrounded by people imposing their own thoughts upon me allowed me to form more of my own beliefs and opinions rather than just subconsciously absorb those of others. Solitude can have many benefits, but depending on how one goes about it, it can have its fair share of drawbacks as well.

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## L

When the loud person tell me I should talk more I think they should shut up more

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## Otherside

Extroverts always struggle to understand how anyone can get exhausted from around people. I'm told that I'll go insane if I don't socialize. See, I _do_ socialize. I just don't go out to the millions and millions of parties and nightclubs every weekend and get pissed like the majority of people from college seem to enjoy doing. I can do it on the occasion...but I prefer time to myself. It allows me to think. And thinking is good. I would not have done half the things I do if I was not a loner, quite simply. I enjoy being able to create stories and worlds the way I do...and I don't think that would be the same were I to be as sociable as I were supposed to be. I see no problem with spending my time alone. Put simply, I'm not doing anyone any harm by doing so.

Solitude has pretty much allowed me to be the person I am today, and I like the solitude I have. 

On a side note, that girl was simply being goddamn rude. I'm guessing she was inhigh school still, where you definatley get crap from others if you're a loner. It is absolutley no-one's buisness but your one whether you chose to walk alone, and why you're walking through a valley.

It's not they've forgotten...it's that people like us have brains that function differently, and they don't have enough of a chemical in there brains and gain that through socializing. Introverts gain energy from being alone, extroverts from other people. And I've yet to meet an Introvert who wants to be "cured" of it, or thinks it's something that's wrong with it. Most of us see it as a gift. True, Extroverts can be creative too...but introversion allows for another way of thinking and seeing the world, and an untapped creative potential to be realeased.

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## toaster little

People like to assume that if you're alone, it must be because people don't like you or there's something wrong with you (from the society's point of view).  They'll never think that maybe you just prefer to not spend time with a bunch of "strangers" all the time because they'll never think that way.

They also seem to view their self worth in terms of how many "friends" they have and how "popular" you are.  

This reminds me of how people always assume that you must be shy if you don't talk.  They never think anything else could be the reason.  Those people will never think that maybe you don't talk because you don't like them.

I guess it's kind of like constantly being trapped in a bubble where you've never spent time apart from people and learned to be completely independent and to not rely too much on other people.  If you're outside of this "bubble" and you have a chance to look into it, you can see how they can't think differently because they've always done what they have been told.

I don't know if any of that made sense.  I had a lot of thoughts in my mind and it was kind of hard to put it into words.

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## Inscrutable Banana

Indeed. Whenever I'm around really extroverted people there's a pretty clear feeling that they can't understand why I'm not as lively and chatty as they are and they assume I'm arrogant and I think I'm too good to talk to them or that there's something "wrong" with me. One person my mother knew just straight up asked her if I was "retarded".

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## Misssy

I talk to myself in public, probably from years of not having anybody to talk to really.

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## VickieKitties

I'm my own best friend, there's a strength in that. Solitude is superior to dependence anyway.

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## TPower

People look down on other people of lower social status than themselves.

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## Otherside

Ugh, overly social people bug me. And don't realize that when we do talk, we actually say something of sense, and not just "Oh it's a nice day today" "Oh yes, it is" and other manners of small talk pleasantries. I don't get it. It _is_ a nice day, and it's pre-scripted. Pretty pointless. 

I honestly could not give a [BEEP] if they think I'm arrogant or think that I'm too good for them. If they're going to make pointless comments and make stupid screaming noises all the time, they're going to annoy the crap out of me, and we're not going to get along.

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## nemmm3

I find that I actually like being alone 80% of the time.
Wanting to be alone isn't a bad thing, even though people make it out to be.

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## Chantellabella

I have a theory why people look down on people who enjoy solitude.

See, I love going to the Arboretum or hiking by myself to take pictures. Why? Because nobody is talking my ear off, telling me their latest problem and generally just ruining the beauty of the moment. Seriously, why are you talking about your job when the clouds, flowers and caverns are spread out like a majesty before you? I do have one friend who gets it and she is able to also enjoy the beauty around her. The most she says when we're out shooting is "wow!" 

In the beginning of me venturing out on my own, I used to imagine that people "with people" were looking down on me. I imagined they were saying, "Oh look. That person is alone. That means that person is flawed and can't find friends." But that was my own insecurities telling me that. 

But it wasn't all my insecurities. There was truth in "them looking down on me" also. Some *were* mocking me. They were talking about me. They were saying mean things loud enough for me to hear.

Here's my thoughts why they did that......

It takes a hell of a lot of courage to step out into the world alone. Being your own entertainment means that you enjoy your own company. It means that you are so secure in yourself that you're willing to take on the world alone. 

There ain't too many brave people out there, guys. 

Those people need other people. 

Why? 

Well, 

1) they don't even know who they are and therefore have nothing to talk about with themselves

2) they don't like themselves at all and they would rather avoid being with themselves at all costs

3) they believe they are not complete unless they have another human attached to them like a parasite

4) they are so insecure, they believe that others are mocking them for being alone

5) they are bullies (translation: cowards) who want the security of knowing they don't have to fight or encounter anyone alone. 

So when I look at the alternatives to going out and enjoying myself when I want to, I get courage to go out and have fun.

I have a friend who has lived in this area longer than I have. She just got out of an abusive relationship. I took her to the Arboretum one day and she was amazed to see it. She had never gone there in 19 years, nor been to the lake behind it. She said she never went anywhere alone. Ever. 

She quickly found out that I know every nook and cranny around here for hundreds of miles because I get in my car and go. She's still saying "will I take her" here or there, but she's getting better with doing things on her own. She is so proud to tell me she went to something "by herself." That's actually very tough for a former co-dependent. 

Anyway, I need to go find other things to do. I seem to be very talkative this morning. Probably nervous about what's happening tomorrow, so that tells me that it's time to go find some beauty in the world.  ::):

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## cowgirls_dont_cry

I feel sorry for people who can't go for a walk or out to dinner without bringing a companion or yammering on their cell phone. It must be hard to not be able to enjoy a nice walk on a lovely day or a good meal without a witness or distraction.

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## toaster little

> I feel sorry for people who can't go for a walk or out to dinner without bringing a companion or yammering on their cell phone. It must be hard to not be able to enjoy a nice walk on a lovely day or a good meal without a witness or distraction.



Yeah.  They're so miserable if you leave them alone or if they have to do something by themselves.  They will make a scene just to get people's attention and everyone involved in what they're "going through" so they will at least have few acquaintances and friends around.

I've enjoyed a good meal without distractions and the waiters didn't treat me any differently.  Some people might give you weird looks but overall, it doesn't matter.  If the employees at the restaurant give you any attitude or unsolicited comments, they're just going to lose a customer and some business for that night, and you can complain to a manager about how you're going to spend your money some place else.  I know it's mean, but it's serious business.

I've gone to another restaurant with a bar and booths, and I sat at the bar and ordered food just for me.  I saw a girl I knew from high school and she was there with her fiancÃ© and they didn't make fun of me or give me weird looks.  The waitress/bartender was nice and checked up on me (because they kind of have to when they work with customers and they're working for tips).

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## Otherside

> Yeah.  They're so miserable if you leave them alone or if they have to do something by themselves.  They will make a scene just to get people's attention and everyone involved in what they're "going through" so they will at least have few acquaintances and friends around.
> 
> I've enjoyed a good meal without distractions and the waiters didn't treat me any differently.  Some people might give you weird looks but overall, it doesn't matter.  If the employees at the restaurant give you any attitude or unsolicited comments, they're just going to lose a customer and some business for that night, and you can complain to a manager about how you're going to spend your money some place else.  I know it's mean, but it's serious business.
> 
> I've gone to another restaurant with a bar and booths, and I sat at the bar and ordered food just for me.  I saw a girl I knew from high school and she was there with her fiancÃ© and they didn't make fun of me or give me weird looks.  The waitress/bartender was nice and checked up on me (because they kind of have to when they work with customers and they're working for tips).



For well they know, you could have been an out of town person who was travelling for work or something. When travelling, I've had to eat in my own in restaurants, and I'm not entirely sure what the alternative was supposed to be? Sit outside in the cold and not eat waiting for the train?

Err....nope. So I just ordered food from a restaurant. Didn't have any trouble with it. If anything, it was nice to eat without someone constantly yammering on at me.

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