# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  Feeling sorry for all the good males in the world!

## L

Today I watched a very short interview around the three girls that were found after ten years. As angry and upset it made me it made me feel so sorry for all the good men in the world.  There are times I fear being female because of a select individuals in the world. There are people that can be trusted, will help you and look out for you but if this person is unknown to you just can't because they are male and we don't know their intentions.

My friend is training to be a male nurse but cannot/will not attend to a female individual unless another female is present, yet I can attend to a male individual on my own.

----------


## kc1895

You mean all men aren't defective?  :Confused:

----------


## Trendsetter

> Today I watched a very short interview around the three girls that were found after ten years. As angry and upset it made me it made me feel so sorry for all the good men in the world.  There are times I fear being female because of a select individuals in the world. There are people that can be trusted, will help you and look out for you but if this person is unknown to you just can't because they are male and we don't know their intentions.
> 
> My friend is training to be a male nurse but cannot/will not attend to a female individual unless another female is present, yet I can attend to a male individual on my own.



I've seen this situation in a news article. The way I see it, the awful actions made by a few horrible males are out of my control, and there's nothing I can do about that but just live my life correctly to the best I can. Why do you feel this way, is totally understandable -- probably because of stereotypically masculine culture. 

Each group has its has its own set of good and bad apples, I still believe in people.  ::):

----------


## Antidote

> My friend is training to be a male nurse but cannot/will not attend to a female individual unless another female is present, yet I can attend to a male individual on my own.



There are hardly any men going into primary school teaching for similar reasons. It's pretty sad how a few bad men can ruin things for the rest.

----------


## Denise

Genders are overrated . Even as a Transsexual I feel reluctant to go into Full-blown Lady mode I'm disgusted by some of the extremes in the gender spectrum .

----------


## life

> There are hardly any men going into primary school teaching for similar reasons. It's pretty sad how a few bad men can ruin things for the rest.



 its amazing to me how a few bad women doesnt also affect how women as a gender are perceived, to me as a male, i think the default setting is, im a potential rapist, abuser etc just a risk that should be avoided  ::(:

----------


## WintersTale

This is why I feel uncomfortable around women. I feel that they all think of me as a potential rapist.

I know I'm not. I've never even considered raping someone. In fact, I protected a girl once from possibly being raped in a bar while drunk...but even so, I can't change how my gender is perceived.

----------


## Denise

> This is why I feel uncomfortable around women. I feel that they all think of me as a potential rapist.
> 
> I know I'm not. I've never even considered raping someone. In fact, I protected a girl once from possibly being raped in a bar while drunk...but even so, I can't change how my gender is perceived.



That would have to be . . the Last thing I'd ever think of you if I met you in person

Judging by your posts, I think you're a pretty good guy . and you Know what you want

----------


## WintersTale

> That would have to be . . the Last thing I'd ever think of you if I met you in person
> 
> Judging by your posts, I think you're a pretty good guy . and you Know what you want



Yeah, but I still feel that way.

I have stories to tell about good guys, authority male figures who have been criticized because they are male and because there are sickos out there who are male. It's really sad, and as a guy, it makes me feel even more socially awkward.

----------


## meeps

sorrryy venturaaa. It's so hard to resist because *bites tongue*

----------


## Dak

The double standard exists because feminism's prevalence wants it both ways.  On one hand, women are treated as the fairer sex who can do no wrong.  On the other hand, women are supposedly just as rugged as men such that men aren't excused from assuming the risk of encountering negligent personalities.  I've even had explicit conversations with feminists on (sexual) abuse where they will say men should be liable just because a woman says something bad happened because women have more at risk than men.  (Even if this is true in terms of rape leading to unwanted pregnancy, quantity does not determine quality.  A risk is a risk.  The lesser of two evils is still evil.)

It's just a very complicated scenario that society oversimplifies.  Men are second class citizens, and if you so much as bring up the idea, you're instantaneously ostracized from society for no reason.  You might even say that's the problem - society insists on the right to be irrational and blames the victim in hopes of the problem getting swept under the rug.

----------


## WintersTale

It's NOT the fault of feminism.

----------


## Trendsetter

> It's NOT the fault of feminism.



agreed.

----------


## WintersTale

Sorry whiteman, I misunderstood your comment.

----------


## takethebiscuit

> This is why I feel uncomfortable around women. I feel that they all think of me as a potential rapist.
> 
> I know I'm not. I've never even considered raping someone. In fact, I protected a girl once from possibly being raped in a bar while drunk...but even so, I can't change how my gender is perceived.



By thinking that women think that of you, you're pretty much seeing threats that aren't there. It would be very unlikely for the majority of women you interact with to think that about you. Yet, because of anxiety, you see a threat where it's unlikely a threat exists. Which is pretty much what some women see and worry about when they encounter men. As anxiety sufferers, we understand what it feels like to feel threatened even if we know many of the threats we see and feel are in our heads. Regardless of gender, we all analyze strangers to see if they are a potential threat or not. Especially if we have had experiences in the past where are trust and openness have been violated in some way. Or else we feel the effects of anxiety, trauma, PTSD etc. 

None of us on here would ever shout at someone who has social anxiety: "how dare you be scared of me! How dare you judge me like that!". Why? Because we understand what worries about threats and safety feel like. We know what it is like to feel scared and to worry. 

Is it fair that sometimes we get judged or presumed to be things that we are not? Probably not. But I think all of us here know that's okay to be anxious sometimes and okay to worry about your safety if you feel the need to. We can accept that we are all different with different things going on in our lives. If someone has been raped then they may well fear being raped again and thus attempt to protect themselves by being overly cautious of people. Just as a social phobic might protect themselves by being overly cautious of people in general.

You know you're not a rapist. It's highly unlikely a woman would think that of you. There's a difference between being respectful of another person and overly worrying about coming across as someone you are not. Your fears about coming across as a potential rapist stop you from connecting with women in the way that you'd like. So never mind what people who don't know you might be thinking. Show them the man you are. If they react badly to that, that's their loss. I went through a stage of worrying that every bad reaction a person had to me had to be my fault. But, to be honest, people have their own stuff going on which influences how they react to people. There's only so much you can control. Go over, say hi, see if they are fun.

----------


## WintersTale

Take, that is kind of true, but it doesn't change the way I feel. 

People do stereotype. People do judge you on the way you look, more than the way you behave. If you look a certain way, people are always shocked when your attributes don't show that. The perfect example of that is Susan Boyle, who everyone was expecting to have a terrible voice, and out came the voice of an angel. 

Men are more likely to be perceived as pedophiles than women, even if they look at one man who is a good father and not a pervert, and a woman who is a pedophile and child molester. In the same way that a lot of men are considered to be rapists, simply because there are a lot of rapists who are male.

And I also feel this thread would have been better in the debate section, because all of what is being said is highly controversial, and I want to debate it.

----------


## WintersTale

What in the world?

Meeps is not a rape apologist. I thought she was talking about my comment, which made me feel depressed...I know meeps and I got into several fights over at SAS, so I thought she was judging me on those posts.

Just goes to show that maybe I judged her because of something that I misperceived? Probably she did the same, too? 

I think we all need to get along. This is a new forum, I don't know what member you were, whiteman, but I do know that you seem like an okay guy. And meeps was always one of my favorite posters, even though we disagreed constantly...I even tried to message her to get her over here when SAS banned her.

----------

