# Anxiety Disorders > Unsure and Other Mental Health Issues >  >  Living With Bipolar

## Rawr

So who here has Bipolar Disorder? Do you take medication? For me it's a yes & yes. The best thing that's helped me is Paxil even though its aimed more as an anti-depressant. I've taken a couple of other medications aimed towards Bipolar itself but have had horrible reactions to them. Divalproex made me sick constantly & Seroquel made me really cranky. Like I wanted to start fights with people just cause I felt like it for no reason. Paxil helps control that feeling since I do get it without medication as well but like my doctor warned me about, I still have some bad days. Lately I've been having bad days. Naturally being Bipolar I'm a very angry person. Angry for no reason. I want to beat someone up, break stuff or yell in their face. Paxil helps prevent those things from happening but every now & then I have episodes where I scream mainly. What sets me off the most is Negativity, Stress or Criticism. 

I do get either pushed aside or criticized for being Bipolar which just makes it worse. I've been called "Bipolar Bitch" & "Immature" over uncontrollable episodes. Some people aren't aware that when I get like that the best thing for them to do is leave me alone to cool off, not makes things worse by yelling at me or calling me stuff. A couple of family members don't even want nothing to do with me cause they say they don't know how to bond with someone that's Bipolar. It hurts my feelings when someone fears or dislikes me over something I can't help. I feel like Bipolar as well as my Anxiety both dominate me. 

It's no joke for sure. People don't realize this but those that're Bipolar are really strong for battling it on a daily bases & still wake up each day whether they feel like it or not. We don't want sympathy from society. Just understanding & acceptance but I'm aware everyone battles with different things & feels the same as we do. I just hate the unexplained mood swings & not being able to hold anything in. I'm a very loud person & speak EVERYTHING that comes to mind. Anyone else that's Bipolar find it hard to hold things in like I do? Like I feel like a bomb that's ready to explode when a mood swing happens. I've lost a lot of friends & can't have a relationship because of it. 

Bipolar + Social Anxiety = Hell .

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## Otherside

Yeah, I'm living with it as well and I'm taking medication (depakote) for it.

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## Rawr

> Yeah, I'm living with it as well and I'm taking medication (depakote) for it.



Ah. I get it from my mother's side & Paxil is what my grandfather takes since he gets rather angry for no reason like me. I've never really talked to anyone else that's Bipolar though. I just get told that everyone has a little Bipolar in them which I believe lol but still haven't talked to anyone really that's been diagnosed. My doctor just said "There's no doubt about it. You're definitely Bipolar" after speaking to me & blood work.

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## Chloe

My best friend in high school had bipolar and it honestly helped me be a better friend to her I became more patient when she got mad, I would distract and make her smile when she was upset and gave her someone to hide behind on those days when she wasn't in the mood for dealing with anyone. Before we were friends she really struggled to keep friends and keep positive even with medicine. It honestly makes me think how many people are out there upset angry or just on their last legs because they don't have that support least people on here can have people to turn to that understand

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## Rawr

> My best friend in high school had bipolar and it honestly helped me be a better friend to her I became more patient when she got mad, I would distract and make her smile when she was upset and gave her someone to hide behind on those days when she wasn't in the mood for dealing with anyone. Before we were friends she really struggled to keep friends and keep positive even with medicine. It honestly makes me think how many people are out there upset angry or just on their last legs because they don't have that support least people on here can have people to turn to that understand



That's awesome! So glad you were there for her. That's pretty much all most of us want is someone that'll stand by us even at our worst.

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## Chloe

Well they're there somewhere ready to help and glad your trusting them and being there friend  ::):

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## Otherside

> Well they're there somewhere ready to help and glad your trusting them and being there friend



Wish I had someone like that. Most people I know don't really want to put up with me much. I sort of...went a bit mad at them in manic rage. 

I don't know where I get the bipolar from. I can think of no one in my family that has it, or could have it (undiagnosed). My mother has depression, but she definately doesn't have mania, or even hypomania.

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## Chloe

Just look for that one person who is desperate to fit in who no one else wants to know, people who have no friends often appreciate their friends more when they finally find them  ::):  if you need to talk at any point just message me k  ::):

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## Rawr

> Wish I had someone like that. Most people I know don't really want to put up with me much. I sort of...went a bit mad at them in manic rage. 
> 
> I don't know where I get the bipolar from. I can think of no one in my family that has it, or could have it (undiagnosed). My mother has depression, but she definately doesn't have mania, or even hypomania.



I know how you feel. No one really wants to put up with me either. They just label me as "unstable". I'll admit it is kinda hard to put up with me when I start to push people away & yell insults towards them during an episode but I don't mean anything I say at all when I do. When I get in that stage I purposely want to make someone upset cause my brain is telling me to. Then once I do I feel like crap... Major crap.

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## Otherside

> I know how you feel. No one really wants to put up with me either. They just label me as "unstable". I'll admit it is kinda hard to put up with me when I start to push people away & yell insults towards them during an episode but I don't mean anything I say at all when I do. When I get in that stage I purposely want to make someone upset cause my brain is telling me to. Then once I do I feel like crap... Major crap.



I know what you mean. In an episode I _want_ to make people feel like shit_ and_ I almost want to screw my life up and enjoy doing it because it makes me feel alive, being destructive like that. I hate episodes. I used to love the highs and want them to last forever because I felt powerful and great. But now...I kinda want them, but I'll do everything to avoid another high happening, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I love being bipolar almost as much as a hate it. It's somewhat a gift and a curse. I'd do anything to be rid of it, and yet I love the feeling that being high gives me.

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## Total Eclipse

I have a medical induced bipolar. I have hormones that rapidly change in my body that causes not only phyical changes but emotional ones, too. My moods would be determined by the corisol level and how fast they'd drop or how fast they'd rise  and in what type of time frame. My doctors are now treating the hormone reaction as they would with someone with bipolar.

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## Rawr

> I know what you mean. In an episode I _want_ to make people feel like shit_ and_ I almost want to screw my life up and enjoy doing it because it makes me feel alive, being destructive like that. I hate episodes. I used to love the highs and want them to last forever because I felt powerful and great. But now...I kinda want them, but I'll do everything to avoid another high happening, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I love being bipolar almost as much as a hate it. It's somewhat a gift and a curse. I'd do anything to be rid of it, and yet I love the feeling that being high gives me.



I know EXACTLY what you're talking about cause I feel the exact same way! I have a major confidence & self esteem boost when I'm having a high episode but I really do despise it though cause it makes me such an ugly person. I'm ugly about it cause one time I was like "You're just a [BEEP] cause you're so fuckin' fat & ugly. Why do you even try?" when in all honesty... I'm fat myself & ugly to some. I HATE being a bully when I get in a high episode cause I'm against bullying... It's like I become a completely different person that I hate & that person's name is Bipolar.  ::(: 

It took me a lot of guts to admit this just now by the way... I'm highly ashamed of the things I've said & done during an episode.






> I have a medical induced bipolar. I have hormones that rapidly change in my body that causes not only phyical changes but emotional ones, too. My moods would be determined by the corisol level and how fast they'd drop or how fast they'd rise and in what type of time frame. My doctors are now treating the hormone reaction as they would with someone with bipolar.



Oh wow. I've never heard of that before. :/

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## Otherside

> I know EXACTLY what you're talking about cause I feel the exact same way! I have a major confidence & self esteem boost when I'm having a high episode but I really do despise it though cause it makes me such an ugly person. I'm ugly about it cause one time I was like "You're just a [BEEP] cause you're so fuckin' fat & ugly. Why do you even try?" when in all honesty... I'm fat myself & ugly to some. I HATE being a bully when I get in a high episode cause I'm against bullying... It's like I become a completely different person that I hate & that person's name is Bipolar. 
> 
> *It took me a lot of guts to admit this just now by the way... I'm highly ashamed of the things I've said & done during an episode.*



I know what you mean. What I have done in an episode...is not me. I become someone who harasses people, and as you said, I become a bully. I hate it. I hate the highs. In a way, being low is better because at least then I am not that way, I just feel like shit.

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## Total Eclipse

> Oh wow. I've never heard of that before. :/



It's ok. I somethings wonder if I had it before getting ill. The new mood stabilizers are helping a lot but lots of up and downs still. 

hugs I can relate a lot to your guy's posts.

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## Rawr

> I know what you mean. What I have done in an episode...is not me. I become someone who harasses people, and as you said, I become a bully. I hate it. I hate the highs. In a way, being low is better because at least then I am not that way, I just feel like shit.



Exactly  ::(:   :Hug:  I rather feel like crap than be a bully. 





> It's ok. I somethings wonder if I had it before getting ill. The new mood stabilizers are helping a lot but lots of up and downs still. 
> 
> hugs I can relate a lot to your guy's posts.



 :Hug:

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