# Anxiety Disorders > Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) >  >  First trigger of the day?

## Total Eclipse

First trigger related to PTSD of the day....  what was your first trigger today?

----------


## unpopularbugs

People not being fair and throwing [BEEP] on me that was irrelevant  ::(:

----------


## HoldTheSea

My mom stopped by for lunch and she brought me bagels from the bakery where my partner used to work  ::(:

----------


## Lunaire

Had a dream about childhood trauma.

----------


## Total Eclipse

> My mom stopped by for lunch and she brought me bagels from the bakery where my partner used to work



Oh dear  ::(:  That must be extremely hard  ::(:  I'm sure she meant well....but man, ugh  ::(:  





> Had a dream about childhood trauma.



I'm so sorry!  :Hug:  I hope your doing Okay now.  :Hug:  I really wish you didn't have to recall those things... and it makes me so angry, what you have gone through  ::(: 


 :Heart:  *//me sprinkles some anti-triggers and happy sparkles over Lunaire*  :Celebrate:   :Celebrate:   :Celebrate:

----------


## Koalafan

> Had a dream about childhood trauma.



Sending hugs!  ::(:   :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Oh dear  That must be extremely hard  I'm sure she meant well....but man, ugh



She did mean well, but it did set me off and it's still bothering me. I can't even walk past that bakery without freaking out.

----------


## HoldTheSea

Triggered by all kinds of [BEEP] this morning. Honestly I should just hide in my house and not deal with people because almost no one is trustworthy.

----------


## Total Eclipse

> Triggered by all kinds of [BEEP] this morning. Honestly I should just hide in my house and not deal with people because almost no one is trustworthy.



 :Hug:  You can message me if you like.... "And this too shell pass"  :Hug:

----------


## PinkButterfly

Dreaming of my ex who used to try and beat me to death ugh!!! I had not had a dream about him ever until last night!  I will not allow him back in my head so out he goes!!!

----------


## Koalafan

> Triggered by all kinds of [BEEP] this morning. Honestly I should just hide in my house and not deal with people because almost no one is trustworthy.



I'm so sorry you're having a rough morning!  ::(:   :Hug:  hopefully the feeling passes and you start feeling better!!  :Hug: 




> Dreaming of my ex who used to try and beat me to death ugh!!! I had not had a dream about him ever until last night!  I will not allow him back in my head so out he goes!!!



Oh dear!  ::(:  Hopefully he never shows up again!!  :Hug:

----------


## PinkButterfly

Thank you and me too! lol but its okay because in the dream he was all smiles and I remember those fake smiles and I have not seen him in years and have no plans too ! He will answer to God for how he treated me and his 2 other wives and his own children. I am so thankful I was smart enough to never have any children with him!

----------


## anxiouskathie

amen to that!!!!

----------


## HoldTheSea

> I'm so sorry you're having a rough morning!   hopefully the feeling passes and you start feeling better!!



Thank you  :Hug:  It's been a crappy day  ::(:

----------


## Koalafan

> Thank you  It's been a crappy day



Koala hugs for Sea!!  :Hug:  I bopa that crappy day!  :bopa:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Koala hugs for Sea!!  I bopa that crappy day!



Aww, thanks dude!  :Hug:   :koala:  
This day needs to end and it could definitely use one of these  :bopa:

----------


## Koalafan

> Aww, thanks dude!   
> This day needs to end and it could definitely use one of these



Your very welcome!  :Hug:  hopefully the bopas work! Keeping my fingers crossed that you start feeling better soon!  :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Your very welcome!  hopefully the bopas work! Keeping my fingers crossed that you start feeling better soon!



 :Hug:

----------


## Total Eclipse

I saw really bad things being posted on the site by a sick sex-spam-bot and feel really nauseated and shaky  ::(:

----------


## HoldTheSea

I just read something that triggered me, I know the past is the past and it's better left that way, but it brought up feelings about having been cheated on and watching my past partners flirt with other women. It brought up my trust issues too.
I just remember my last partner saying "You only look good in pictures, not IRL" and that was his excuse for saying other people looked better. People rarely use the words "attractive" or "pretty" about me and they talk a lot about other women being beautiful in front of me. 
It just sucks to have been in a relationship with someone who was constantly saying other people were gorgeous but telling me that I didn't look very good.

----------


## Member11

> ...telling me that I didn't look very good.



They are definitely wrong there  ::):

----------


## HoldTheSea

I apologize in advance, this is a rant, but I am very triggered and furious as all hell right now.
This is not directed at anyone here nor is it trying to start drama, this is a personal thing.

Second trigger of the day: Being called out publicly for something that should have been kept private. It also wasn't my fucking fault. Anyone who blames me for doing anything shitty to my last partner is a fucking asshole and doesn't even know the whole fucking story so why would you call me out on it without knowing what he fucking did to me? He is NOT the victim in this situation! He was an abuser and a sociopath and I'm not sorry he's gone. Anyone who is all like "Aww poor guy" about him needs to, excuse my French, GO [BEEP] YOURSELF. I'm not sorry. He was the fucking spawn of Satan and if he fooled you into thinking he was a good man, I fucking pity you and you need to go get some professional help.
I am not the kind of person you want to piss off, you are fucking playing with fire here.

----------


## HoldTheSea

Waking up to find out that someone I really trusted has screwed me over big time.

----------


## Koalafan

Getting a random text from a random number.

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Getting a random text from a random number.



Oh no!  ::(:  That's the worst!  :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

Being set off by a passive aggressive comment that was not very subtly directed at me. This person did it intentionally too.
I'm so done with people. I don't need anyone but myself.

----------


## Member11

> Being set off by a passive aggressive comment that was not very subtly directed at me. This person did it intentionally too.
> I'm so done with people. I don't need anyone but myself.



They need a punch in the face too!  ::(:   :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> They need a punch in the face too!



 :Hug: 
I want to deactivate my phone.

----------


## Member11

> I want to deactivate my phone.



I don't blame you, your friends needs to stop treating you so badly  ::(:   :Hug:

----------


## Koalafan

> Oh no!  That's the worst!



Yeah I do not do well when random people call or text me! >_<

----------


## HoldTheSea

> I don't blame you, your friends needs to stop treating you so badly



 :Hug:  This wasn't a "friend," this was someone I knew through Mr. Jerk Face, It was my mistake to not block his number a long time ago.




> Yeah I do not do well when random people call or text me! >_<



I have panic attacks when I get calls and texts from unknowns >__< I feel your pain!

----------


## Member11

> This wasn't a "friend," this was someone I knew through Mr. Jerk Face, It was my mistake to not block his number a long time ago.



That makes sense, not at all surprise that one of his people did that  :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> That makes sense, not at all surprise that one of his people did that



I'll tell you more on Skype later  :Hug:  There are details I don't want out in the open.

----------


## Member11

> I'll tell you more on Skype later  There are details I don't want out in the open.



Okies  ::):   :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

I had a flashback and now I've gone completely out of control.

----------


## Koalafan

Knowing I had a long day of work ahead of me  ::(:

----------


## Koalafan

Got an email from a company asking me to explain my experience. Not good with things like these  ::(:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Got an email from a company asking me to explain my experience. Not good with things like these



 ::(:   :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

It's getting to the point where I'm seriously considering shutting down my business and moving because of all the personal attacks I get from former clients and PETA wackjobs.

----------


## Member11

> It's getting to the point where I'm seriously considering shutting down my business and moving because of all the personal attacks I get from former clients and PETA wackjobs.



I can't believe they are harassing you like that   ::(:   :Hug:  Something has happened to PETA too, they are now just harassing good people and businesses, while not doing anything to people and businesses who mistreat animals.

----------


## HoldTheSea

> I can't believe they are harassing you like that    Something has happened to PETA too, they are now just harassing good people and businesses, while not doing anything to people and businesses who mistreat animals.



I'm literally getting hate mail from PETA supporters who are claiming that my business and the dog show industry as a whole "epitomize animal abuse and exploitation."
For the record, I hate PETA, especially after they started agreeing with BSL and with euthanizing pit bulls. They are not what they claim to be.
I have people complaining about my training methods and making illogical statements about what breeding dogs entails (i.e. calling it "rape").
The people who think they're on the side of justice and that purebred dogs are a product of evil are so wrong on so many levels.

----------


## Member11

> I'm literally getting hate mail from PETA supporters who are claiming that my business and the dog show industry as a whole "epitomize animal abuse and exploitation."



Yep, that sounds like them these days, it is unbelievable what they are doing  :hit wall:  There is no-one who loves dogs as much as you do, don't let them make you think otherwise  :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Yep, that sounds like them these days, it is unbelievable what they are doing  There is no-one who loves dogs as much as you do, don't let them make you think otherwise



We can continue this conversation on Skype, I don't want to set anyone off.

----------


## Koalafan

> 



Thank you for the hugs Sea!!  :Hug:   :Hug:

----------


## HoldTheSea

> Thank you for the hugs Sea!!



You're welcome!!  :Hug:   :Hug:

----------


## Lunaire

> I'm frustrated beyond beleif and I have a rage that won't go away.



Would you like to share what is bothering you?  ::(:

----------


## unpopularbugs

My boss was yelling at me  ::

----------


## Lunaire

> My boss was yelling at me



That's not cool! Why did they do that?  ::(:

----------


## Koalafan

Hopefully I don't get emailed again >_<

----------


## Skippy

> Triggered by all kinds of [BEEP] this morning. Honestly I should just hide in my house and not deal with people because almost no one is trustworthy.



Sorry ya goin thru such...  ::(:  Its especially tough when it feels like time and time again ya trust in people only to be betrayed in that trust. Dunno wth is wrong with people...but dun forget there still are really good people out there too.

----------


## Otherside

> When you wake up to a text message that confirms that the person that swore to leaving you alone is still stalking you and trying to illegally gain access to your accounts. However, you have everything online setup to 2nd authorization and they'd need a code that was sent from a text message to bypass it. And reasons like this, is why I need to keep my guard up.   . At least it didn't shake me up as it would of a few months ago.



 :Hug:

----------


## Kimbra

> When you wake up to a text message that confirms that the person that swore to leaving you alone is still stalking you and trying to illegally gain access to your accounts. However, you have everything online setup to 2nd authorization and they'd need a code that was sent from a text message to bypass it. And reasons like this, is why I need to keep my guard up.   . At least it didn't shake me up as it would of a few months ago.



What an asshole!  ::'(:

----------


## Koalafan

> What an asshole!



Agreed!! >_<

----------


## Otherside

> I'm currently sipping on a cup of tea and trying to meditate after having a pretty 'trigger' vivid dream of the past. Working through it OKay, still slightly shaking



 :Hug: 

Sent from my D5803 using Tapatalk

----------


## fetisha

another annoying stranger asking me if my hair is real again geez if I wasn't black no one ask me this crap and another stranger staring at me for more than 5 seconds its so creepy and makes me paranoid!

----------


## InvisibleGuy

God this thread is tough to get through, tough to read. I hope everyone is doing better.

I got into the car to go visit my parents and kids and the first song on the radio was a song my ex (the one that died) and I used to love. I always think about her, but Idk why songs on the radio can be such a trigger for me. There are a few that make me think back to the day she died, and those are just....really tough. It's been five years and it really hasn't gotten any easier. I miss her so, so much. There are days when I still really can't believe it all happened the way it did. It's like some kind of nightmare I realize has become real.

----------


## Chantellabella

Usually my first trigger is when I walk into my building at work. There's a co-worker who has given me grief for the past 9 months. She didn't like something I said 9 months ago and has been a victim (in her eyes) ever since. She walks past me with her nose up in the air and looks the other way.

Sooooooo.......

I tell myself it's about her and not me. 
Then I tell myself to ignore her childish behavior. 
Then I make myself smile to get out of my funk.
Then I remind myself that this silly [BEEP] isn't forever (like I'm sure she'll leave one day when somebody else tells her something she doesn't want to hear)

But yeah, I do get triggered by passive aggressive [BEEP] first thing in the morning.

Why can't the world be mature???!!!

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I miss her. I really, really miss her. A whole lot. I miss everything about her. Everything.

I miss her blond hair and her blue eyes.

I misss her.

A lot.

----------


## BrookeAshley

My daughters due date is this week... everytime I look at the date and time, I'm triggered. I can't seem to escape the days and time...  I think about it all day. Today its especially overwhelming sadness.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Dates are really tough for me. Really tough. I think about the anniversary of my ex-girlfriend's death, months, months ahead of time. I think about her birthday way ahead of time.

I'm sorry. (((hugs))) to you, I know how difficult it is, because I've been there. I go through it every day. There really isn't a day when I don't think about her, or miss her. It's every day. I just try to move on, somehow. I just breathe in and out. I make myself get up every morning.

----------


## BrookeAshley

I just keep thinking about how happy I would be right now... instead I feel terrible. I feel like the life I fought so hard for, was taken from me.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I know my loss is very different from yours. I can't imagine what it must feel like, and I'm really sorry for your loss.

I have a lot of guilt. I also really feel like, I know I loved her, I put my whole heart into our relationship and she decided to end it, she broke up with me in the cruelest, meanest way you could ever break up with someone.

I feel like I'd be so happy if she was still here, also. I miss her.

I'm sorry she was taken from you. I really am. I think the hardest part about losing someone is....you're losing someone you love. If you didn't love them then there wouldn't be any real loss, or grief. I miss my ex so much, even more than I miss my ex-wife, who I was married to for 18 years, because we were so, so very close. We were best friends, along with being lovers. She "got" me, she understood me in a way that my ex-wife never, ever did.

I think grief is....a really personal journey. And one that probably never ends. It changes and evolves and moves on in different directions but I don't think you ever stop grieving. Or, at least I don't think I will.

----------


## BrookeAshley

I guess right now I'm in the anger stage of my grief. For me, when I'm angry, I don't act out or yell... it just makes me more sad than I already am.

I feel like I got married young, went through divorce, because I felt I wanted to be with someone I really loved. Found someone I really loved, got engaged....
got pregnant and was so happy. I finally had what I fought for... and then in the blink of an eye it was gone.

He's now depressed and says a wedding doesn't sound like something he wants right now... so wedding plans are also on hold.

I don't know how to handle it all. I feel like I'm grieving the baby, my relationship, and I'm being punished for losing her, by losing my engagement too.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I think I know how you feel, but also, that does mean you should feel that way....I mean, you shouldn't. I hope you realize that. Guilt is just something I'm still struggling with. I have a ton of it. This is going to sound crazy but sometimes I don't feel like I deserve happiness after what she did. I don't talk about this much but it was actually supposed to be both of us. She wanted me to do it with her. And I was shocked, I said no and I thought I had talked her out of doing it. Anyway. So I have survivor's guilt. It's something I've spent hundreds of hours talking about in therapy.

And sometimes I feel like I'm being punished for not saving her. I was right there when she died, I actually found her lying on the bedroom floor at 5:00am on a Monday. I tried to save her and I failed. She literally died in my arms.

It's got to be incredibly difficult going through what you are. I hope you can lean on each other, and be there for each other, and somehow learn to grieve together, and then find some peace together.

He obviously loves you. And he wanted to get married. Those feelings haven't just disappeared. I know this might not be any consolation but I think he feels the same way, it just might take some time. In my experience, guys seem to drag their feet when it comes to dealing with emotions. I was taught at a very, very young age to not show emotion, to just move on. I don't know your bf at all of course but that's just been my experience with most of the male friends I've had. You don't show emotion, it's seen as weak. Of course, it's not, that's all b.s. but a lot of guys seem to think it is.

----------


## Conceda

Watched a sad real life story in the TV and that makes me cry.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

Thinking about this weekend, with my kids, with my parents.

My anxiety is mostly over picking up my kids, from my ex-wife's house. Ffs.

Woman, you just do not have a clue as to how to raise three kids. You really don't. Have. A. Clue.

You are all about boyfriends and clubbing and getting drunk and drinking beer by the outside fireplace and letting the kids roam free to do whatever they want.

You have had Child Protective Services called on you twice now. Twice.

Ffs.

I should have custody of my kids.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I really do not have a fucking clue as to what triggers a flashback for me sometimes. They just come out of nowhere, and I have no clue. They're very strange for me (as I think they are for anyone who has them). I think I was dreaming about her, about my ex whose suicide I witnessed five and a half years ago. It was one of those cases where you can't quite remember what you were dreaming about, you can't remember the exact details, I'm just sure I was dreaming about her. Ffs. Every time I think the dreams / nightmares have stopped they come back.

My therapist would tell me if I'm dreaming about her it might be because I'm not dealing with something....dreams are your subconscious mind trying to deal with the **** that you refuse to deal with when you're awake, according to her. Sometimes I hate it when she's right. She's probably right.

It's not even anywhere near the anniversary date of the suicide. It's not anywhere close to her birthday. Maybe it's because it's close to the date we met, maybe that's what's bringing it on lately, idk. I have all of these dates, many more, that are just f-ing burned into my brain for all of eternity, all having to do with her or our relationship in some way. Every month, every season brings me back in some way to the relationship we had and memories of where we were or what we were doing. Some memories are happy of course, some not so much, and some are just so f-ing horrifying and unbelievable that I'm just never, ever going to truly get over them or get well, it's just not gonna happen.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I miss her.

I miss her so, sooooooo, sooooooo much.

I miss everything about her. I miss the way she smelled and the way she held me and the way she smiled at me and the way I would wake up on Saturday mornings and I'd find her in her nightgown doing the dishes and the way her cute little bootie poked out of her nightgown lol, and I miss the way she'd hug me when I came home from work and I miss tht woman.....soooooo, soooooo much ffs.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I miss her, and I hate myself. I hate myself for losing her.

----------


## InvisibleGuy

I know I've posted this before but I miss the way we'd sit on the swing in the front yard, and watch the sunset. Then, sometimes we'd sit on the chairs on the back porch and watch the sun rise, sometimes without even going to sleep. And it wasn't just about sex, we were really and truly best friends. Although, I've never, ever been more comfortable with anyone, and never felt like I was made for anyone in the bedroom, and everywhere else, like I did with her. I've never felt like I've "gotten" someone, you know how when you have friends, or you have lovers that just seem to "get" you right away, you get each other, there doesn't have to be any explanations, your weird quirks, your strange habits are just accepted and you accept theirs also, and it doesn't have to be a chore, it's not like that at all....you just accept them because it seems like you were made for each other.

I really can't explain that to anyone that hasn't been in that kind of relationship but if you have, then you know exactly what I mean.

My fear of relationships of course is just a billion times worse than it was. I thought getting to know someone who struggled with some of the same anxiety and depression issues that I had would be good in a way. I mean, we'd have so, so much common ground, so much to talk about and we'd understand each other in ways that other couples might not. And we did.

But it was just all so, so wrong in some ways. Obviously.

I hope my flashbacks stop soon because they are really, reeeeally bad lately and I don't know how much longer I can take this, I really don't.

----------


## Kimbra

Seeing my good for nothing ex. BAH!

----------


## TwerkinForTalos

I woke up tangled in my sheets and for a moment thought I was being restrained.

----------


## TwerkinForTalos

Woke up late and missed my chance to take care of something that I have to do in order to not be arrested...

----------


## Ironman

Just waking up!

This morning, I wasn't even thinking of anything.  The alarm woke me up and I was having a panic attack.  I know it's the panic attack that jars us out of sleep, but this was beyond that!  I wasn't even nervous about the day!

----------


## fetisha

knowing that I have to get out of the house today..

----------


## Koalafan

Getting out of bed is far more difficult than it should be

----------


## fetisha

Having to fix my hair and make it perfect so no one will judge me

----------


## Total Eclipse

I'll be home alone for 3 days  ::(:

----------


## Cassie

Waking up at 10am or 11am and oversleeping my normal med time. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## CeCe

> Waking up at 10am or 11am and oversleeping my normal med time. 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



cant u take them when you wake up?

----------


## Cassie

Idk I do but depends on the time I?ll chose which ones I take like if it?s 2pm I?ll take my vitamins and birth control but no psychotropic pills 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## CeCe

> Idk I do but depends on the time I?ll chose which ones I take like if it?s 2pm I?ll take my vitamins and birth control but no psychotropic pills 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



but if it's 11am can you still take your psych meds or do they not work that late?

----------


## Cassie

I do yes. Assuming it?s okay. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

----------


## BraveLove

Joined this site to help my anxiety and now the site is giving me anxiety and maybe I should leave?

----------


## Total Eclipse

> Joined this site to help my anxiety and now the site is giving me anxiety and maybe I should leave?



Aw, no! Don't leave!  :Heart:  We don't bite!!!  :Hug:

----------


## CeCe

had 3 miss calls when I woke up

----------


## Ironman

I woke up this morning at 9:15am so I could get ready for a 9:30 Microsoft Teams meeting.....and then next thing I know, it's 11:25am!

----------


## cerulean

I broke my fav coffee mug

----------


## Flavor

It's storming out loud

----------


## CloudMaker

it’s a holiday and my family still isn’t around!!! SCREW THEM ALL for abandoning me

----------


## Total Eclipse

I saw that my mom called me. Ugh.

----------


## Flavor

Being woken up by cars outside

----------


## Total Eclipse

> Being woken up by cars outside



Thats the worst, you doing ok today?

----------


## Flavor

> Thats the worst, you doing ok today?



Today is doing great.

----------


## CloudMaker

It’s Monday and I have to deal with the school district NONSENSE

----------

