# Anxiety Disorders > Social Anxiety Disorder >  >  Are your parents social?

## Kirsebaer

Or does anyone here have parents who are not particularly social or who seem to lack social skills?

I was thinking about this the other day and about how it has influenced my siblings and I (my sister and I both have suffered from SA and my brother is not particularly social either).
My father has always been kind of a recluse. He's not a shy person (quite the contrary, he's very opinionated and authoritarian) but he doesn't seem to enjoy going out and being around people. He's a retired Air Force Captain and he's still friends with 2 of his former coworkers who he has known since he was 18 and who he still sees a couple times/year, but apart from that he doesn't have any other friends and couldn't care less about talking to anyone (unless it's about military stuff and politics). He spends his days with his iPad and watching political debates on TV. He only goes out to take care of his garden and walk the dog and he's perfectly happy with that.

My mom is a chatterbox and will talk to people any change she gets. She makes "friends" very easily but she always ends up getting tired of them after a while because they "take up too much of her time" and "ask for too many favors". She focuses too much on people's flaws and then she starts to avoid them.

Basically, I've never seen my parents genuinely bond with anyone.

Although I no longer suffer from SA, I still find it impossible to create a genuine bond with friends. I always feel like there's this unbreakable invisible barrier between me and everyone else.

Does anyone else have similar family experiences to share?

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## emorin613

I've always believed I got my GAD from my parents somehow.  I love them to death and we have a great relationship but everyone says I'm just like my parents. Neither one of them really has any friends, they have always been 100% dedicated to family and nothing else. Now that I have two boys of my own I realize that I feel guilty doing anything outside of the family. This has caused me to lose all the friends I've had and is now becoming a problem with my spouse. I find I'm getting very jealous lately because she's always texting on her phone and I'm just sitting there looking stupid. 

Anyway, long story short.. I believe our parents have a huge impact on our mental health as adults.  Probably both genetically and from picking up their habits, etc.

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## Chantellabella

Sociopaths - yes
Social - no

They taught me every crazy thing I know.  ::):

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## L

My parents are not social at all. I think mum has some form of anxiety, if not social anxiety. As long has I have known her, she has always been at home. She used to mind children in our home during the week until she gave it up some 15 years ago. She was then a stay at home mum and still spends a lot of time at home after my brother and I moved out. Growing up she was not social, I found her to drink a lot in social gatherings, maybe to help her relax. She only ever had one good friend but she didn't keep contact or make the effort to met up. She has a love/hate relationship with her sister that focuses more on the hate. I always remember statements such as "why should I go see them when they don't come see me" but I think it might have been a  cover up. She was never a loving person (such as hugs, kisses and the like she does show her love in other ways) but like me I feel she is afraid of showing it for fear of the recipients reaction. 

Dad on the other had is a bit of an know it all. Has very on the surface relationships with people. He is the type of person that knows everyone but is close friends with few. He has a social job so I guess that helps too. 

I really do believe that mum's lifestyle impacted on my life as she didn't really encourage me to be social and dad's over socialness would have me pull back as it really annoys me.

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## Antidote

Both my parents seem to have long-term friends and an active social life. My dad is introverted, and used to have social anxiety, but he's still social in an eccentric way. He has various long-term friends from when he studied in college who he's quite loyal towards. He's never had a falling out with any of them as far as I'm aware. 

My mother is also introverted but it's not obvious. She likes to spend most of her time relaxing at home and she regards most social events as a chore. But she talks a lot and her shyness is only very subtle (most people can't tell because it manifests as her being polite and slightly reserved) and it's easy to breakthrough. She often jokes about not having friends, but her social life looks pretty decent to me. She has long term friends (she's not that close to most of them, but they're all in the same social circle and go on holidays together bringing their husbands, etc...). She also has friends outside this circle, one of whom she is close to (although she says they're not that close, but I'd say they are). She does have a history of falling outs with close friends though. I'm not sure why.  Her best friend since adolescence lived in another country, and they never had a falling out, but she died a few years ago from breast cancer.

Personally, I think I take after my mother. My SA is still pretty bad, but if I can get it out of the way, I have a knack for getting close to people. But unfortunately I also have a history of falling out with them (usually instigated by me ending it). I'm working on it but it's hard because I'm not entirely sure why it happens.

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## kelp

My mother is definitely an extrovert and can easily make friends even with her broken English and strong accent. Everyone at her work place calls her Auntie. She is not afraid to ask a question and no matter how many times you hang up on her on the phone, she will keep calling back until she is satisfied with the service. I feel sorry for all customer service that ever had to handle her calls. 

  My dad is opposite of her. All his friends are family relatives. He is shy and quiet. He would always write things down or recite what he is calling about multiple times in his head before he makes a phone call to anyone thatâs not a relative. He likes to do introverted things like spending a lot of time alone drawing stuff. He also told me once that he used to have the same problem when he saw me uncontrollably shaking and crying while angry. He was a lot more patient than my mom, especially when I was a kid because I think he understood me.

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## Otherside

Mum is. That said I do think she has some Sa despite that. She's an extrovert that.struggles a  lot with what people think about her. A lot of people seem to think those two can't ever be together.

Dad isn't. I don't know if it's SA or just disinterest with him though. He's a guy that will go to work, has been relatively successful with his job and it is good at it, and will then come home and not do much that's considered to be social. He just has more introverted hobbies. He happy to tinker around.with old cars and.things.

That said I do think he.does get a.bit nervous about people, but I dunno, I've never asked him.

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## Sagan

My mother had SAD and depression. Her SAD was not as sever as mine. But her depression was worse. thought she hid it well. We all could tell. We all knew. But no one brought it up or spoke of it.

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## Ironman

I think my mom tried to be, and was pretty successful.  I wonder if she took things personally like I do.
It's interesting how people with SA are really the people worth knowing.  We seem a bit more genuine.

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## IllusionOfHappiness

> Growing up she was not social, I found her to drink a lot in social gatherings, maybe to help her relax.



Mine does this as well (not a lot by any means, but she's definitely more inclined to open up if there's some wine). My mother's definitely not social and will openly admit to disliking any sort of social gathering. When I see her interact with strangers it's like looking into a mirror. I notice little tics in her facial expressions and the way she says things when she's out of her element/nervous. It's the same kinda stuff that I do when I try to hide my anxiety. 
My dad's pretty friendly with everyone - likes to chat with the neighbours a bit and will say hello to everyone he passes in the park. Opposites attract? Neither of them have close friendships with anybody. My dad's got a couple work buddies but nobody that he sees on a regular basis. Despite being more open than my mom he's also probably still not what you'd call a social butterfly. He's a man of few words when it comes to making conversation.

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## Koalafan

It's definitely a tough question to answer cause it most certainly depends on whether my parents are social or not. Both of them have their little groups of friends and I definitely feel like my dad is more open to the idea of talking to strangers (he goes on a lot of business trips so he has to have some set of social skills) but I definitely notice the lean toward introversion as they both rarely go out, unless its with my siblings and I. Speaking of, both my brother and sister almost never go out and both have a rather hard time forming a genuine friendship with people (I can't remember the last time my sister or brother had really close friends that they talked about). Of course all that totally leads to me which I absolutely have the same issues, and MASSIVE trust issues with people and having friends. It's kind of weird, but I absolutely love being alone and rather prefer having a friday night to myself, but I know it's not healthy and one day I'll have to come out of my koala shell and learn how to atleast hold a conversation lol

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## Lunaire

My mother was definitely antisocial. I don't recall her ever having any friends even to this day. 

My father wasn't really around but what little I saw of him suggested that he didn't really have a social circle either.

It's really interesting to wonder how this affects one's development.

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## Caelix3

My mom is somewhat social and has two friends. 

My dad isn't as social and doesn't really have friends. 

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk

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## PinkButterfly

My Parents were way to social when I was a child they divorced stayed in bars and then partied with their friends leaving us kids alone and even growing up they continued and it still went on until My Mom lost my Step dad to his drug issues and then my brother died she broke down and stopped going out then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.. Dad he is still social he did stop drinking but he is still very selfish and could care less about his remaining children but he is still a child himself or acts like one and all he wants to talk about is how the women still want him lol... he is 71 !!! I guess he will always be who he is. I do want to bust his butt sometimes because he acts like a child on purpose but I love him I loved my Mommy also I had to forgive them and realize they were and are not well in their heads either like me BUT I made sure I raised my son right!! I am sorry I am gabbing again.

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## HoldTheSea

My dad is social and extroverted. My mom is a hermit.

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## Otherside

Mum is. Dad...just really isn't. 

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## PinkButterfly

My Dad told me today he was always being hit on by women lol I said okay dad good luck on that and changed the subject.

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## Relle

My mom is definitely an extrovert. She seems to have a lot of friends and is very outgoing. My dad is the complete opposite. I wouldn't say he's shy per se, but he stays to himself and doesn't have a lot of friends, not that it's a bad thing. He's laid back for the most part.

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## lethargic nomad

My mom was a pretty quiet person but she did have some long-term friends.  My family moved far away from where she grew up (when I was 5 and she was 38 ), so I guess she lost touch with them.  And some of them died.  

My dad had friends in high school and then he moved to California when he was 18.  He got caught selling drugs in high school (never was an addict or anything), so he had the choice of going to jail or going to this bizarre rehab that was a semi-cult. They engaged in abusive forms of therapy called attack therapy.  My dad said that when it was your turn everyone in the group would criticize you and tell you what your main malfunction was.  He claims it was good for him but....I kind of doubt it.  They would also have nights where everyone was forced to stay up (sleep deprivation) and dance to Doors music.  

So he was in the rehab till he was 23 (working the entire time) and escaped in the middle of the night by jumping over a fence apparently.  From there he moved into this big house where I think 15 or so hippyish types lived.  My parents called it the Victorian House.  My mom was living there at the time and that is how they met.  So a lot of their friends lived in the Victorian House at one time or another.  Eventually my dad lost contact with most of them or they died.  My dad is also a very paranoid sort of anti-social person.  And it gradually got worse with age, so that's part of the reason he lost contact with people.  He hasn't even talked to his brother in many years.  

So growing up I don't recall my parents socializing all that much.  Almost never had people over at our home.  When we were still living in Marin, we would visit my mom's friends and relatives and my dad's brother.  After moving to Los Angeles, I only recall one friend that my dad would hang out with.  Married guy with kids that was his coworker.  Maybe once a year or so before my mom got ill (when I was 12), we would make the car trip back up north to visit family and friends. I don't think my dad has any friends now.  Maybe one person but only talks on the phone with him.  


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attack_therapy

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## Cuchculan

My mother is very social. My Dad is dead so not social at all. LOL. When alive the pub was as social as it got for him. Minus a drink he would never have been social at all.

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## Cornholio

My father is very social, often comes off as arrogant and doesn't realize it. My mother, not at all, she has social anxiety.

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## Antidote

> My father is very social, often comes off as arrogant and doesn't realize it. My mother, not at all, she has social anxiety.



How did they get together when they're so different?

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## Cornholio

> How did they get together when they're so different?



Good question, lol. Not sure! Maybe my mother  wasn't socially anxious when she was younger. They met in Japan when my dad was in the Marines and stationed in Okinawa. A year after I was born, he moved us to the US. She didn't have any friends or family over here and didn't speak much English (somehow my dad learned to speak fluent Japanese in short time), I think that's plays a role in her social anxiety now. Though I have to say, she's gotten a little better since she started working the last few years.

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## lethargic nomad

> Good question, lol. Not sure! Maybe my mother  wasn't socially anxious when she was younger. They met in Japan when my dad was in the Marines and stationed in Okinawa. A year after I was born, he moved us to the US. She didn't have any friends or family over here and didn't speak much English (somehow my dad learned to speak fluent Japanese in short time), I think that's plays a role in her social anxiety now. Though I have to say, she's gotten a little better since she started working the last few years.




Does she work at Mitsuwa?

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## Cornholio

> Does she work at Mitsuwa?



No, but we were there last Saturday haha.

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## JamieWAgain

My father is dead.
My mother is mean to everyone and except men or people that make them the center of their world.
She father was very social.

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## sanspants

My mother is very social, but also anxious about it sometimes. My father is in a band to make sure he gets out of the house now and then. Both need ooooooodles of downtime.

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