# Anxiety Disorders > Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) >  >  My fear

## moon

Hi, I haven't been here for a while but I already had PTSD from past sexual traumas but recently this month I expeirenced a house fire, we got it out in time, but we almost didn't Now I am terrified of this house catching on fire again, we also had an oven explode in the plug in and almost had another fire, that just added onto my fear, anytime I hear a popping sound I jump and I can't breathe, we use a fireplace and as soon as it is lit my legs are shaking and I can't see straight from the fear, every little sound scares me and makes me jump. some nights I can't sleep thinking about a fire and trying to imagine what I would do if it happens. I am driving myself crazy and I am sure my boyfriend too as when we are in another room I am either jumping up to check the fireplace or I have him do it.
I am just so scared and nervous and it's messing up my mind worse than it already was.

I just wanted to share and vent a little, my boyfriend doesn't understand and he is so calm in the face of danger, good for me him being that way he tries to keep me calm, I don't understand how he handled that fire so well and it messed me all up.

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## Chantellabella

I can understand your fear. I have a fear of fire also due to my house catching on fire when I was a toddler. I literally cringe when around any type of open flame and I refuse to have gas anything in my house because I'd have to light it. Don't be so hard on yourself because it really just happened. I'm sure you're pretty wired about it and it will take awhile to even calm down about it. 

You said you don't understand how the fire could be so upsetting to you and not to him. Maybe since you had past sexual traumas, you're a bit like me. When something happens, I literally will experience it on several age levels. These levels got stuck when my traumas happened. So when something happens in the present, I can have several different reactions to it all at once. It's like my younger selves feel very powerless to the situation which raises my stress level big time. My mind tells me I'm ok, but my body and my inner children react physically like they are scared and powerless. Even people who do not have distinct alters can experience things on a younger powerless level. That's why sometimes people with unresolved past issues will react like a 5 year old or a 12 year old. They see the situation in that younger mindset and react accordingly. 

Does that make sense? Not sure if that's happening with you. I just wanted to let you know that I've experienced that before also and it's not fun. 

Hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself.

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