# Struggles and Support > Mental Health in the media >  >  So why does it annoy me when people suggest treatment?

## Otherside

Like, when you talk to someone about your issues and they give you advise on what you should, and what you should try.

Because see, its a bit hypocritical of me. I give advise to people.

It's just when people who don't know me tell me what I should try. "Oh my second cousin had this condition and they gave him those awlful meds! You should try Vitamin pills" or "Go vegan! That's the solution" or best of all "Accept Jesus into your life and you shall be cured". Which I find fucking ironic because I pretty much had "accepted Jesus into my life" when my mental health issues began, and only really did not accept him after I got unwell. And got told by something "People have been through worse and not done that" or "God does not make things magically better."

Or when something spends half an hour informing me about the twelve step programme or whatever, and giving me a diet plan which will magically solve all my mental health issues. And yes, this happened. Over coffee. And I felt too SA at the time to tell them that they knew absolutely nothing, or to get up and leave. I ended up listening to the whole thing in annoyance, and promising that I'd give it a shot. Since it involved me fasting for several days and only drinking water, I decided that the chances of starving myself being the miracle cure to all my problems were pretty low. 

Or even being told to try weed. I want to facepalm everytime someone tells me that. For the record, you _don't_ get medical marijuana in the UK, and I'm not really cool with having problems getting hold of visa to go on holiday half the time due to the fact I have a drug record. Although I did try it once when I was 14, and it gave me a headache. I presume that isn't the reason why people decide it's some miracle drug. But then again, maybe it was. People seem to be odd like that, especially teenager. Perphaps having a headache gave them some kind of buzz. I don't know. Never really been buzzed from a headache though.

I'm not comfortable talking about treatment or medication with people. I don't discuss with my friends. I don't put a list of what medications I'm on online complete with dosages and the times I take them, or what therapy I'm taking part in. Sure, I ask for advise on things at times. I just don't get it why some people feel that me asking for advise is an open invitation to start poking and prodding and talk about something they really haven't got a clue about. Or to start giving me advise that is quite frankly, a load of bullshit, and makes me want to throw something. 

And just finishing, I would just like to add that I am not pissed off with anyone on AnxS or anyone who has spoken to me on here. More, it's people from another site, and people in real life, or people I've encountered in time. Overtime, it really has begun to piss me off.

Perphaps I'm just being oversensitive about this. But heck, it almost feels like...

You don't know me. You're not a doctor. Please stop giving me advise about what I need to do to miraculously cure myself, which for some reason, requires me to stop getting help from elsewhere.

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## compulsive

There is *no* quick fix or easy to find solution for an anxiety disorder that is not caused by physical symptoms. If there is one, it is not anything that has been commonly suggested. If the anxiety disorder is not caused by physical problems it cant be cured by diet, caffeine reduction and any other of the stereotypical "cures". Good diet doesn't cure anxiety, it fixes the problems that a bad diet caused.


I'd say it annoys you because it suggests that your anxiety problems are no big deal since it can be cured in 5 seconds.

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## L

Maybe the next time you talk to someone start by letting them know you are talking and just need someone to listen. Giving advise is something everyone tries to do, people sometimes feel that they need to sort what is happening in your life, let them know this is not what you need or want.

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## Otherside

> There is *no* quick fix or easy to find solution for an anxiety disorder that is not caused by physical symptoms. If there is one, it is not anything that has been commonly suggested. If the anxiety disorder is not caused by physical problems it cant be cured by diet, caffeine reduction and any other of the stereotypical "cures". Good diet doesn't cure anxiety, it fixes the problems that a bad diet caused.
> 
> I'd say it annoys you because it suggests that your anxiety problems are no big deal since it can be cured in 5 seconds.



The thing about the caffeine one is although not drinking it doesn't cure my anxiety problems, its worse if I do. I generally don't have a bad diet. The majority of the food I eat is not processed. Heck, I even eat soya yoghurts instead of the normal ones...although that is only because I prefer the taste of them and for no other reason, but yeah. Not really the point. I don't eat a lot of fast food. Exercise has been another one that has been suggested. So I'm not exercising as much as I should perphaps, but really, who wants to go jogging when it's 36C out? Last I'd heard, we were being warned against doing just that. 

Religion is just the one that really pisses me off. That one was told to me soon after I told someone I knew quite well my diagnosis, bipolar. By that point, I saw no point in hiding it. And what was her response?

"Well, if you pray and accept Jesus into your life, He'll take it all away. I'm sure it'll all get better." 

Okay, so they were part of a pretty fringe group of christians. We don't get many of them here. That had some quite extreme ideas about things. Most of the time, they'd stand on the street and hand out pamplets, declaring that all gay people were the spawn of the devil, and described in gruesome detail how they were to be killed. They were also totally against medical treatment, of any kind, due to the fact that illness was a punishment for god for a sin. Mental illness's especially, were a punishment. I did end up slapping her. She deserved it.





> Maybe the next time you talk to someone start by letting them know you are talking and just need someone to listen. Giving advise is something everyone tries to do, people sometimes feel that they need to sort what is happening in your life, let them know this is not what you need or want.



It makes sense, and I understand that to. When someone talks to me, I sometimes feel...compelled to give advise. Sometimes I can't work out if they want it or not. Which is why this thread makes me feel very hypocritical right now.

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## Misssy

I think it's annoying when people suggest treatment because it usually comes from people who just simply don't know what else to say, typically people who are not experts and really have no idea what treatment entails, and because they don't give a sheet one way or the other...that is why it annoys me personally.

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## Equinox

> There is *no* quick fix or easy to find solution for an anxiety disorder that is not caused by physical symptoms. If there is one, it is not anything that has been commonly suggested. If the anxiety disorder is not caused by physical problems it cant be cured by diet, caffeine reduction and any other of the stereotypical "cures". Good diet doesn't cure anxiety, it fixes the problems that a bad diet caused.
> 
> I'd say it annoys you because it suggests that your anxiety problems are no big deal since it can be cured in 5 seconds.



Very well said. I can't speak for the OP. But this certainly underlines a major reason why such suggestions bother me. Unfortunately it seems as if the extent of suffering due to mental health issues isn't as clearly understood or at least sympathized with by the general public when compared to physical disorders such as heart disease or type 1 diabetes. So we end up getting hit with a bunch of lifestyle tips by people who've went through milder normal stress reactions an have mistakenly assumed their own experiences to be on par with chronic mental illness.

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## SmileyFace

Speaking for myself, I get annoyed by this as well because it makes me feel I am psycho or something. Like wowwww, you need to get help! You're crazy!. Someone close to me had suggested I go to counseling a few years ago and even though it was something I was already considering on doing anyway, I still felt hurt by their words. It's not like they said it in such a rude manner or anything, they were very supportive and still are to this day... but I don't know, it was just something I didn't like being told. The same person told me just yesterday that I should keep cutting junk/fatty foods out in order for weight loss to work; I have no reason to be upset because I know I need to cut out junk food, and I have been trying to do that.. and when I give in to junk food, I'd tell myself the same thing: "You need to seriously cut out the junk food, Jen. Stop it!"

*shrug*

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## Chantellabella

I get annoyed with people who have no clue, yet have the answers all the same. 

I have a general rule for people who start with "You should........"

My rule is to watch their lips move and when their lips stop moving, I go, "Thanks." Then I change the subject.

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## Kory

I hate to say that I am guilty of being one of those people who say, "You should try..." But I only do that to people who ask for advice. 

I'd say if you ask for advice and that's what people give you, then just don't take it seriously and say "thanks anyway" or something. If they just overcrowd you with, "You shoulds" and you didn't even ask for their advice/opinion, then I'd say something politely, like, "Thank you, but I don't think that's the thing for me." Or just say thanks and change the subject. I know that a lot of people get pissed off with people who give them the "You should". I've had so many people who ask for advice that get so mad at me when I suggest they see a psychiatrist or a therapist or even go to the hospital.

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## tuffsteel100

Its call avoidance.  It is part of the brains way of dealing with a situation.  Avoid at all costs or you will feel pain, remorse, depression, sad, angry etc. Look inward and if your not liking what you are seeing seek help to find who you are. 1st you need to know what you and or who you have become.

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## Misssy

Probably it is annoying because many times it is a knee jerk response that people give and it's obvious that they haven't given it a whole lot of thought.

I have had relatives to tell me to get "mental treatment" and medication for depression. It is annoying to me because my relatives have always treated me like dirt and they don't give a crap.

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## VickieKitties

My irl friend keeps trying to talk me into seeing his therapist, for some reason it makes me pretty uncomfortable.

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## Misssy

Yah your IRL friend shouldn't try to push you into treatment, maybe it's coming from a well meaning place but coming out wrong.

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## luvcuddling2

It depends from whom the advice is coming from.  . .for me if it is a male. . .I may read it and thank the individual for sharing. . .if it is from a female.  . .I tend to pay attention more to the advice because I really like a female point-of-view. . .always have always will. . .it gives me a different perspective. . .just like for me there is a major difference between a male and a female counselor. . .I was bored out-of-my-mind with a male counselor and didn't learn anything. . .with my current female counselor. . .we don't get along that well at times and she is 30 years younger than me and last year I could not stand her. . .but her point-of-view makes me think. . .

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## nothing

Yeap, when I feel horrible and hopeless (like right now) and people tell me it's better to go to the hospital than to medicate myself I get filled with rage. They realize that I'll just be filled with SSRIs there or not treated at all, right.

[BEEP] people and their shitty advice, what works for one most likely won't work for another, everyone has to find their own way. Unfortunately, not all will.

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## Chloe

I've had people tell me all sorts as well and it annoys me especially when they hear that things of sexual themes are a trigger for me. I've been told to do certain acts on myself, get over myself, go out more, stop having sex all together or take things slowly. 
And to all of them I've had to say: eww no, say nothing at all because it upset me that the person thought it was an attention thing when I was telling everyone to stop talking about a panic attack I had in front of them, I don't want to not because of anxiety but because I've got that much going on, and I'm not letting the anxiety change how I lve my life, and that's what I did in the first place. All useless and unhelpful and in some causes hurtful  ::@:   ::(: 


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## luvcuddling2

@Chloe-I am extremely inexperienced intimacy-wise. I have had advice about anything and everything related to sexuality, especially concerning my non-mainstream needs and desires. I should go experience this or that. Go get a call girl or pay for my non-mainstream needs to be met. You name it. . .it has been suggested to me. I have a lot of fears regarding intimacy, especially since so much emphasis is placed upon performance and perfection. 

In some ways it is true. . .I should take the initiative to become more comfortable within myself so I can become more comfortable with another individual intimacy-wise. 

However, with our anxiety and/or panic attack issues, it is difficult for others to understand what we are going through and it is even more difficult to explain our emotions and feelings to someone who either doesn't understand or refuses to listen. Sometimes when someone says to you. . .'get some help with that'. . .you almost feel like saying in return. . .'get some help with understanding what a panic attack is'. . .once that understanding is attained, it will become a lot easier to be comfortable not only within yourself but with another individual intimacy-wise.

Best wishes to you!

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## nothing

It's extremely difficult to discuss, even on an anonymous forum, but the sexual subjects trigger my anxiety too. I'm also extremely inexperienced, completely inexperienced actually, except for some sexual abuse when I was a child, and when I had a few "friends" they made those horrible suggestions too; "you just need to get laid", "go get a prostitute" etc. No wonder I completely stopped talking about it, I can't even bring it up with my therapist, I can't discuss it with ANYONE face to face. It's awful and the thoughts plague me almost 24/7, but I don't think I'll ever be able to discuss it.

As for the diet helping, that isn't true at all, not in my case anyway. I've been eating all organic food for months now and while I have lost weight and I'm a LOT more physically healthy, I don't feel any different emotionally/psychologically. Some people have said to wait and it will eventually help, but I honestly feel that they're full of shit. The same idiots said it would help almost immediately but then changed their story to it will help in a month when I mentioned that it wasn't helping. After a month, they changed their story to it wiil help in two months etc; they kept extending the time frame each time I wasn't seeing results; they started to sound like my horrible therapist I had years ago who told me to keep taking the Paxil for a while before I saw results, even though I told her it was causing suicidal ideation. The good food obviously isn't causing suicidal thoughts and I will keep up the healthy diet because as I said I am a lot more physically healthy, I just don't think it helps my mental state.

This reply was too long, sorry about that, I'm just panicking and I had to get that out now or else I'd never be able to mention any of it. I won't read over it before posting because I'll just feel sick and delete it.

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## Chloe

I'm able to talk about intimate details of my body or even someone else's relatively well thanks to my mum raising me and my sister to be comfortable sharing information about out bodies and not being bothered about nudity sounds weird and dodgie but it's not she's a nurse. However if the conversation turns from anything formal or goes into too much detail im ready to freak out as I have done on occasions before. 
I was until 3 years ago panic free until I met my boyfriend, when people said I should go slow it took a couple of weeks before I would even give him a peck, a couple of months before we started doing anything intimate with clothes on. It took a year and 9 months before I said screw it I love you, I may panic but I want to do this and had sex for the first time ever. It was a further 6 months until me and my boyfriend tried sex again which is why it bugs me if people say about me not going slow enough. 
Thankfully I don't have worries about perfection and such however unfortunately I fear being overpowered or forced, if I'm in that much of a panic I twist scenarios in my head so that one minute I'm fine relaxed and enjoying myself the next minute "of my god what's he doing I don't want to do this"
Thankfully he always asks what happened or what he did wrong, when I'm panicking hell talk to me, try and stroke my arm shoulder or hand if I'll let him last time he was tree counting trying to get me doing it with him (he's only ever heard me count once) I always feel sorry for whatever idiot tried to blame him for my panics 
I don't see how a call girl would help any it's more pressure because it's something you'd keep a secret (because of the illegality of it) then again it's same as doing acts to yourself

I'm not comfortable with myself and I never will be thanks to 7 years of bullying but I'd imagine in your case that would be key (nearly made a suggestion the but spotted the title of the thread oops haha) 

It defiantly is difficult for others to understand. In my dad's own words "that's not right your so collected and together there's something wrong in your head" it can be hard if they didn't even know. Thankfully there are the few who can and do understand to the best of their abilities. Unfortunately 'help' doesn't always help either. I went to counselling over three 3 years I've had panic attacks I had already progressed through many of the introductory and middle ground of the sessions through self analysis of what my fears were why I thought that what causes them and similar themes 
I was a bit worried about mentioning it to the counsellor, when she asked me to make a log of what caused my panics, when I panicked, what was happening at the time etc I would have to censor it. Not looking at her in sessions helped a lot but she did take it remarkably well and was a lovely lady

Sorry if this is all mishmasshed I tried following it down the page but I am dumb so it might confuse you xD 


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## nothing

> I was a bit worried about mentioning it to the counsellor, when she asked me to make a log of what caused my panics, when I panicked, what was happening at the time etc I would have to censor it.



I do the exact same thing, I'm supposed to be making a note of what triggers my anxiety, but I always censor it because I'm terrified of mentioning anything sexual to anyone, even the person I PAY to listen to my craziness.

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## Chloe

I didn't have to pay I got six sessions with college before I'd have to go to the doctors and get refered which I did about 4 months ago... I was meant to hear from them a week after appointment at most -.-. 

I'm sure the more open the more help she can offer. Can always message me if you want to talk since were in similar boats  ::):  


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## nothing

> I'm sure the more open the more help she can offer. Can always message me if you want to talk since were in similar boats



Ohh yeah, I know I have to be more open before I actually make any progress, but I won't be. I always tell myself "I'm going to talk more and be honest" before I go to my appointments, but I always freeze up in the office and I can't say anything. It's frustrating and I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. I'll never trust anyone ever again and I'll die miserable and alone.

I appreciate the offer, but I won't be messaging you. Once again, I can't ever discuss my issues with anyone person-to-person, it's just too unpleasant. Feeling isolated and miserable is unpleasant too, but I don't know, I just can't seem to open up to anyone, even in private messages.  ::(:

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## Chloe

> Ohh yeah, I know I have to be more open before I actually make any progress, but I won't be. I always tell myself "I'm going to talk more and be honest" before I go to my appointments, but I always freeze up in the office and I can't say anything. It's frustrating and I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. I'll never trust anyone ever again and I'll die miserable and alone.
> 
> I appreciate the offer, but I won't be messaging you. Once again, I can't ever discuss my issues with anyone person-to-person, it's just too unpleasant. Feeling isolated and miserable is unpleasant too, but I don't know, I just can't seem to open up to anyone, even in private messages.



i get that, generally i don't worry talking to people too much on here since everyone has some issue or another and can always relate in some ways. i always feel physically sick and shakey if i have to tell someone who wont or i dont think will relate in case they take it the wrong way or say im being pathetic or take the piss or whatever. i'm sure you'll make progress some day its just one of those things that takes time

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