# Anxiety Disorders > Social Anxiety Disorder >  >  Adult bullying?

## HoldTheSea

Is there anyone else on here who is in their late 20s or 30s and is still experiencing some form of bullying in social settings?
I find that when I am in a situation where I have to interact with other people my age, I get targeted.
You would think that once people get to a certain age they would stop doing it, right? I didn't think it would still happen in college but it happened all four years and it has continued years past graduation as well (not by the same people). I actually find that adults are even worse than kids or young adults...
Can anyone else relate to this? Are you still bullied as an adult? If not, at what age did the bullying stop?

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## merc

I am 50 and i can honestly say most people around my age have outgrown bullying behavior. Occasionally you run into one at any age but most have had life kick them around some so they just don't have that looking down on you mean kind of thing that comes from younger adults. I work with two young women who try to bully me. I've fought back a few times and have been bewildered about how they of the foul behavior seemed shocked when someone dishes it back to them. Almost like they are going to cry or something. 

This one youngish 20 something every time I would walk near her would mutter under her breathe stuff like I can't stand you etc. I hate you. One day I just got sick of it and I started to sing some stupid song that's popular, "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you."  I also smiled, then was shocked to see her almost start to cry....Needless to say I really don't get this younger generation to be so rude and then be so shocked when it comes back at you???I figured what did I have to loose her "friendship." When I was younger I would have felt like the freak like something was wrong with me. Yet finally at 50, I realize I don't have the problem, I try to be at least polite if not friendly and you are going to mutter mean stuff at me that I can barely make out!!!

It is ok to defend yourself.

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## lethargic nomad

People gossip at workplaces but I haven't run into full on bullying much at all since turning 18.  Never saw it at college and I've gone to 4 community colleges and 2 universities.  

Trying to think..... At this one bar hostess job I had in Japan, this black American girl was sort of hostile towards me.  She made comments on my eyebrows and makeup.  Said that I walked funny in high heels.  She liked to play drinking games with the customers.  I don't like games very much, and definitely don't like drinking games.  She was irritated that I wouldn't participate.  I tried to just ignore her.

At this one apartment in Japan, there was borderline bullying of this one weird fat American guy.  It was a super cheap communal type living situation.  10-15 people all sleeping in the same room, in what we called "coffins".  Sort of like a capsule hotel but crappier.  Better than bunk beds though.  2 toilet rooms, 2 showers, 3 large sofas, 2 refrigerators, 2 ovens.  Mainly foreigners that just got off the boat, looking for English teaching work or bar work.

The fat American was named Peter.  He was around 30, so a bit older than most.  He wore really big, thick glasses at a time when that was not popular.  He was friendly towards me and seemed harmless, so I didn't mind him.  He would talk to himself in a weird way sometimes and people noticed. Sort of weird pep talks to himself.   This fat Canadian, Jason, that lived there claimed that Peter one time took a shower (like a gym shower) with the door partially open.  Jason claimed he lost his appetite after seeing that.   

There were a couple incidents where someone destroyed one of the toilets and left it.  The first incident was the worst where [BEEP] was all over the toilet room.  No one knew who did it and everyone was suspect.  The 2nd time there was just [BEEP] that clogged the toilet and that's it.  Sat there for several days though because we had no plunger and Jason didn't take care of it.  He got discounted rent in exchange for cleaning....which he rarely did.  Actually the 2nd incident was my shit.....I think someone else flushed huge wads of toilet paper before me and that's why it got clogged.   

So after that...so much gossip....who is the mystery shitter!!???  Many people thought it was Peter because he was weird.  I noticed that people started treating him not so nicely.  Nothing horrific but....

After a month or so he left and went back to America.  Wasn't able to find an English teaching job.  At the time, most everyone found a job.  It was really easy.  He gave me his blow dryer when he left.

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## Member11

> Is there anyone else on here who is in their late 20s or 30s and is still experiencing some form of bullying in social settings?
> I find that when I am in a situation where I have to interact with other people my age, I get targeted.
> You would think that once people get to a certain age they would stop doing it, right? I didn't think it would still happen in college but it happened all four years and it has continued years past graduation as well (not by the same people). I actually find that adults are even worse than kids or young adults...
> Can anyone else relate to this? Are you still bullied as an adult? If not, at what age did the bullying stop?



Unfortunately, bullying is almost everywhere, even on here there has been a few cases that resulted in bans. To describe it as anything less than an epidemic would be an understatement.

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## L

My ward is not that bad but some nurses in the hospital are nasty prices of work

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## HoldTheSea

> I am 50 and i can honestly say most people around my age have outgrown bullying behavior. Occasionally you run into one at any age but most have had life kick them around some so they just don't have that looking down on you mean kind of thing that comes from younger adults. I work with two young women who try to bully me. I've fought back a few times and have been bewildered about how they of the foul behavior seemed shocked when someone dishes it back to them. Almost like they are going to cry or something.



The people who are the nicest to me are around your age. I think by 50 most people are comfortable with who they are and don't feel a need to belittle others or put them down to feel better. I mean, that's not to say that there aren't any exceptions to that- I can think of two women over 50 who were particularly awful to me. But most of the time it's people my age and younger that are doing the targeting.
I'm sorry you're having that experience at work. It doesn't surprise me that they are much younger than you though. I also find that women tend to bully each other a lot more than men do at my age. I get along fine with most men. 25-30 year old women can be brutal.
And I've noticed that as well, that they can dish it out but they can't take it. If you have a good comeback or say anything mean to them, they either get all flustered and retaliate more, or it hurts their feelings.





> It is ok to defend yourself.



I need to get better at defending myself. I generally can't think of any good comebacks. Usually if I say something back to them they just make fun of me more for saying something awkward.

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## HoldTheSea

> People gossip at workplaces but I haven't run into full on bullying much at all since turning 18.  Never saw it at college and I've gone to 4 community colleges and 2 universities.



I consider gossiping to be a form of bullying... Obviously it's not the same kind of bullying that goes on with school kids, but I think it still counts. Gossiping and [BEEP] talking are specifically the forms of bullying that I run into the most. 
In college though, the bullying was similar to the kind of [BEEP] that happened in high school and from the same types of people also.






> Trying to think..... At this one bar hostess job I had in Japan, this black American girl was sort of hostile towards me.  She made comments on my eyebrows and makeup.  Said that I walked funny in high heels.  She liked to play drinking games with the customers.  I don't like games very much, and definitely don't like drinking games.  She was irritated that I wouldn't participate.  I tried to just ignore her.



Women make comments like that to me all the time. They say rude things about my makeup and clothes and hair. Sometimes my physical appearance in general.
I don't like drinking games either, and I'm not really a big drinker anymore, and I used to hang out with some people after college who only liked to be around me when I was drunk and would always try to pressure me into playing drinking games. They didn't really want to hang out with me anymore when they found out that I actually don't like drinking. They started excluding me from everything and then they started talking shit.
I don't really have any friends now because people always turn on me when they get to know me.

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## HoldTheSea

> Unfortunately, bullying is almost everywhere, even on here there has been a few cases that resulted in bans. To describe it as anything less than an epidemic would be an understatement.



It is definitely an epidemic, and it's getting worse over time. I feel like it happens more nowadays partially because of how it's portrayed in the media. Bullies and mean people in general are portrayed as popular, attractive figures with a lot of power. People, especially young people, see that as something that they want to aspire to.
I mean, even look at someone like Donald Trump, for example. I would consider him a bully. He has openly mocked disabled people and he has said all kinds of outlandish and terrible things about people from different cultural backgrounds. Yet look at how many people voted for him.

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## HoldTheSea

> My ward is not that bad but some nurses in the hospital are nasty prices of work



I knew a young lady when I was in college who was studying to be a nurse, and she said there was a lot of bullying going on in the nursing program. Do you find that this is a common thing among nurses and hospital staff?

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## lethargic nomad

> I consider gossiping to be a form of bullying... Obviously it's not the same kind of bullying that goes on with school kids, but I think it still counts. Gossiping and [BEEP] talking are specifically the forms of bullying that I run into the most. 
> In college though, the bullying was similar to the kind of [BEEP] that happened in high school and from the same types of people also.
> 
> 
> 
> Women make comments like that to me all the time. They say rude things about my makeup and clothes and hair. Sometimes my physical appearance in general.
> I don't like drinking games either, and I'm not really a big drinker anymore, and I used to hang out with some people after college who only liked to be around me when I was drunk and would always try to pressure me into playing drinking games. They didn't really want to hang out with me anymore when they found out that I actually don't like drinking. They started excluding me from everything and then they started talking shit.
> I don't really have any friends now because people always turn on me when they get to know me.




How would you know they are gossiping about you?  Is this happening at your current job?  I gossiped about a few coworkers, not about their personal life but more about how they annoyed me on the job.  I didn't have any power to fire anyone or get anyone in trouble, so it didn't affect anyone. 

I always lived off campus when I went to college so I don't know what happens in dorms.  Even the 4 year university I went to was a commuter school where only a tiny percentage lived in dorms.   At all the schools I went to, no one gave a [BEEP] about the other classmates.  People just wanted to pass the class.  

That's weird that you get comments on your looks.  No one ever says anything to me really.  My fashion is very boring and I wore the same 5 pairs of pants and 10 shirts in rotation for 3 weeks at work (only did the laundry once every 3 weeks).  When I dyed my hair bright red a couple times I did get comments but generally positive.  

I do like drinking and I did drink at that job.  I like to drink at my own pace though.  Don't like to be forced to drink at odd intervals.

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## HoldTheSea

> How would you know they are gossiping about you?  Is this happening at your current job?  I gossiped about a few coworkers, not about their personal life but more about how they annoyed me on the job.  I didn't have any power to fire anyone or get anyone in trouble, so it didn't affect anyone.



This happens at my current job and also when I am in situations where I end up interacting with people, like going to nightclubs, etc. I know they are gossiping about me at work because I overhear it and I am also told by other coworkers. People I meet when I go out are initially somewhat friendly and then when they notice that I'm awkward and that some of my mannerisms are weird, they start treating me differently- i.e. snickering, eye rolling, sighing, rude comments.





> I always lived off campus when I went to college so I don't know what happens in dorms.  Even the 4 year university I went to was a commuter school where only a tiny percentage lived in dorms.   At all the schools I went to, no one gave a [BEEP] about the other classmates.  People just wanted to pass the class.



Most of the bullying did happen to me in dorms or in the dining hall/student center. However there was one girl who did it in a classroom setting- she would laugh at me when I answered the professor's questions and make comments like "Cool, no one cares." It was a psychology class and I was very knowledgeable about the subjects and liked to debate and have lengthy discussions. The professor enjoyed it. The professor was aware of the bullying and she talked to the girl about it. It stopped but one time she confronted me in the hallway after class and told me that I was the most annoying "retard" she had ever met. I attributed her behavior to her being immature, she was a freshman and was like 17 years old. I was already in my 20s so I thought it was really stupid that I was being picked on by a person who was essentially a child. It still got to me though.
The bullying that happened to me in the dorms happened to my partner, and my best friend at the time as well because we were all living together in a campus apartment. There was an apartment full of jocks and party girls across the hall. They would have parties almost every night when we were studying and when we asked them to keep it down they laughed at us and just got louder. They threatened us too... They said if we reported them to public safety they would vandalize all our shit. There were always beer cans and garbage in the hallway in front of our door. One time they invited my partner and I over as a joke. They tried to make us do all kinds of embarrassing things and they intentionally spilled a cup of beer all over my partner's shirt. He cried for the rest of the night.





> That's weird that you get comments on your looks.  No one ever says anything to me really.  My fashion is very boring and I wore the same 5 pairs of pants and 10 shirts in rotation for 3 weeks at work (only did the laundry once every 3 weeks).  When I dyed my hair bright red a couple times I did get comments but generally positive.



I get comments on my looks fairly often. My fashion is very noticeable. When I dress "normally," the clothes I wear are somewhat dated and from older trends because I don't like most of the clothes that are in stores currently. I also like to wear a lot of Gothic and Steampunk clothes and clothes that are traditional to my cultural background. People are not very complimentary about any of it.
I have had black hair and blue hair before and got a lot of rude comments. Now I dye my hair blonde because no one has a negative reaction to blonde.
I also think people are put off by my makeup. I consider makeup an art and I am very good at it. I do the cat's eye/wing style with my eyeliner and I prefer darker lipstick shades or bright red. I also wear a base that makes me look pale.
I have had a number of positive comments on my makeup but far more that were very negative.

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## Antidote

It seems like some people are consistently targeted by bullies and they're usually people who stand out socially in some way. It can be for good reasons which trigger jealousy; like a lot of girls will pick on other girls who attract a lot of attention from guys they're into, are fashionable, pretty etc. Or it can be for 'bad' reasons, like being awkward, timid, overweight, poor etc. 

The main experience I have with bullying was when I was in primary school. I was bullied by a couple of teachers (in their 50s and 60s) and also by a girl in my friendship group at school (all of this happened when I was around 11 to 13). I didn't realise it was bullying at the time but I ended up bullying the friend back in retaliation. Couldn't retaliate with the teachers unfortunately. After that I was never really bullied much again though, I think because in general I'm quite irritable so the times that people have picked on me it didn't go anywhere for long because I was quick to retaliate. 

Even though my temperament probably protected me from bullies, I still did get ostracised a lot; this probably has a lot to do with the fact that I avoid a lot though. Like I know I have offended some people in the past who tried to befriend me, because I was aloof and turned down invitations and ignored other friendly gestures. I am awkward, but only when I'm stressed out, when I relax I'm way more normal and start to fit in. But it takes forever for that to happen and often I just don't get the opportunity because everyone expects you to be normal from the start. 

I haven't witnessed too much bullying going on but I know it's fairly common. I did sort of see bullying happen at uni. One girl I knew hooked up with some guy that apparently about 5 other girls had a crush on (they were around early 20s), so of course they started bullying her. She ended up dropping out for a year and gained a lot of weight because she was so stressed. That was the year I was overseas. When I returned she also returned, and when I saw her (I wasn't expecting to see her because she should have already finished), I thought she'd had a baby or something, because of the weight gain. Then she told me about the bullying situation and it didn't really surprise me because I knew the girls she was talking about were pretty neurotic and obnoxious. She only went to two classes before she ended up dropping out again though. Don't know why.  

Gossiping is pretty common. I don't always consider it bullying... depends on how malicious it is. A lot of the time it's more petty and pointless than malicious.

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## 1

When I was younger I was a target..but definitely wouldn't allow it if it were to happen now..

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## whisperingzombking

I'm normally on another social anxiety support group. But experienced bullying there a few days ago. From a user then from a moderator.  Can't even openly talk about it in the forums for fear of the mod. He even infractioned me and told me I provoked the bully, so in fact deserving the abuse.

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## Radovid

I've been bullied a lot at work. Social humiliations, harassment, sexual harassment -- it's often condoned or instigated by some manager. Sometimes they think it's just funny. The usual rationalization is usually used: "You're too sensitive." 

It's really upsetting, even when I manage to stand up for myself effectively. I can usually get it to stop, but it's demoralizing to have had to do that so frequently.

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## HoldTheSea

> I'm normally on another social anxiety support group. But experienced bullying there a few days ago. From a user then from a moderator.  Can't even openly talk about it in the forums for fear of the mod. He even infractioned me and told me I provoked the bully, so in fact deserving the abuse.



That's terribly irresponsible behavior from a moderator... I'm sorry you're being bullied on another site. I've never seen bullying on this site, so I think you'll find that you're safer here.  ::): 




> I've been bullied a lot at work. Social humiliations, harassment, sexual harassment -- it's often condoned or instigated by some manager. Sometimes they think it's just funny. The usual rationalization is usually used: "You're too sensitive." 
> 
> It's really upsetting, even when I manage to stand up for myself effectively. I can usually get it to stop, but it's demoralizing to have had to do that so frequently.



If you're being sexually harassed at work, you can and should report it, and I'm pretty sure they legally have to fire the person who is sexually harassing you.
"You're too sensitive" is one of the most common things bullies and abusers say to try to justify their behavior. They try to turn it around on you so it looks like you're overreacting. They're clearly the ones who are doing something wrong, not you.
I'm sorry to hear that's been happening to you at work, I've been in similar situations in the workplace but I've found that if you report it to the right person the situation can improve.

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## PinkButterfly

Bullying and Cliques and just people being nasty to others is happening in all ages and the bullies think its funny they love to make fun of people and make people feel horrible then when called on the carpet they get worse and deny they ever done anything even when you can prove it I do not allow it to happen anymore because for one I am unable to work anymore so don't have to be around those people not that it happened for me at work but there was one lady who just tormented me from day one and then online and on anxiety sites and yes chatrooms people love to be grouped together and play stupid games and think that's okay I see it everyday .  Stand up to them call them out or walk away and wash your hands of them..

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## anxiouskathie

bullying......don't know if you'd call it bullying....being lied about, yep; helping and then being [BEEP] on, yep!!

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## Ironman

Gossipping is verbal character assassination to me.
Bearing false witness moves things into a legal category.

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## Pinky

In grad school, some of my friends and I decided to take an elective class together. Partway through the semester, we came to find out that a clique of three or four women in the class were meeting for drinks after class every week and, during this meeting, would bash the other people in the class, myself and some of my friends included. They would do things like follow one of my friends to the restroom after class and talk about how stupid she was, and make fun of work other people submitted during collaborative group discussions.

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