# Struggles and Support > Frustration and Struggles >  >  Sick of this!!!!!

## Chantellabella

I'm sitting on a dark street in my car on a Friday night and my cats are thrown in my garage.

This is the second time tonight I've been thrown out tonight so somebody can walk in my house, look around, and figure out ways to screw me out of my house for cheap. In the last year I have put 20,000.00 in repairs in it. The realtor just dropped the cost by 10,000.00. 

I don't have a job. I do have an interview to teach preschoolers, but I'm sure the pay will be minimal. I have two frickin masters degrees which make me over qualified for most jobs. 

I decided to try to get back into graduate school to get my doctorate in educational psychology, but I have to take the GRE again which cost 187.00. I can't study for the test in a short time, so I made the appt to take the test in Dec. I'm not sure if they will let me register without first taking the test. My last GRE was in 2005 and it needs to be within 5 years. I thought if I could get into the PhD program then I could get a research job on campus. I've applied for several positions there and am praying to get them.

I just feel like teaching in a preschool is such a step backwards. I guess I should be thankful for even having a job interview. 

I'm just mad that one bitchy boss and one wimpy director could have screwed my life up so badly. I have to remind myself that things happen for a reason, but it's hard to be positive when I'm jobless, sitting in my car in the dark waiting for some annoying perspective buyer to come see my house and want to screw me over.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself at the moment. 

I have to focus on what's important in my life. Tomorrow I'm bringing my grandkids to a children's garden and Sunday all of my kids are going to be with me.

I'm just frustrated because I work my [BEEP] off all the time and I just seem to be moving backwards.

And to top it off, that 70 year old keeps sending me crazy emails about lord knows what. I can't even decipher what he's saying in them. I do pick up that he thinks we have some kind of relationship. I don't want to be mean, but subtle hints, direct `I'm not interested doesn't seem to register with him.

Ok, it's 6:20 and the people haven't shown up yet.

My life is just so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr right now.

I need to cry.

Something has to give. I'm gonna run away from home and live in my car with my 4 remaining cats. I could so be a drifter right now. At least this time I have a car so I've stepped up in the homeless world. :-(

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## Total Eclipse

Cindy !!  :Hug:  

I'm not quite sure what advice I can give you...... other then, if... I've seen anyone go through struggles in life it's been YOU. Somehow you always manage to make it though. ***hugs** * I don't know, but I have faith you will get things sorted... and I really hope you get them sorted (fast!!)  The pre-school type of gig... might be sorta fun..... see where it brings ya!

PS if you needa talk to someone or just cry.... Call me anytime, and we can talk, I don't mind if it's 2am. Really!!

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## Misssy

Chanti the change is stressful. 

Break it all down and take it moment by moment. Try to focus on the direction you want to go into: "being in a home" 

You are only waiting in your house so it can be viewed briefly right?

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## Chantellabella

> Chanti the change is stressful. 
> 
> Break it all down and take it moment by moment. Try to focus on the direction you want to go into: "being in a home" 
> 
> You are only waiting in your house so it can be viewed briefly right?



You're right. I'm having a huge pity party tonight. My realtor told me that the people who looked at my house this evening loved it and she thinks they're wanting to put in an offer. She is ecstatic that it's been on the market only a week. She said that if it sells, we can go look at houses next weekend. She said she found me a bunch of cute homes I can buy outright. I know it will all work out. I have to admit that I'm scared shitless though. And I'm feeling much like a failure these days.

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## Chantellabella

> Cindy !!  
> 
> I'm not quite sure what advice I can give you...... other then, if... I've seen anyone go through struggles in life it's been YOU. Somehow you always manage to make it though. ***hugs** * I don't know, but I have faith you will get things sorted... and I really hope you get them sorted (fast!!)  The pre-school type of gig... might be sorta fun..... see where it brings ya!
> 
> PS if you needa talk to someone or just cry.... Call me anytime, and we can talk, I don't mind if it's 2am. Really!!



Thank you, sweetie. You know when I have the most stressful of days, I know I can come here and you guys will listen. You have no idea how much that means to me.  :Hug:

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## kc1895

It sounds like you have many things going on right now.  But they will be resolved either on its own or taking action one step at a time.  I'm sure you know things will always work out that way  :;):  If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the job you had?

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## Chantellabella

> It sounds like you have many things going on right now.  But they will be resolved either on its own or taking action one step at a time.  I'm sure you know things will always work out that way  If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the job you had?



I realized that the place of business was unorganized which makes me absolutely crazy. I function better with structure. That's why I like school and government environments.

But the main reason that I left was because it was going to be the same situation that I left in the library. They gave me the director position on paper, but then they also couldn't tell the long time asst director of another school that she wasn't getting the job. So they gave her the director position and gave me a title of "director - in - training." Then she pitched a fit that I was making more money and so they put down on paper that I was making so much and said they would pay me the rest from another account. Furthermore, the director who would run the school with me, was insecure, so I foresaw many a struggle in regards to who was running the place. I had confidence that I would be able to co-run the school with her, but she seemed to be a person not able to "play well with others." In other words, I was going to once again be in a position where someone was intimidated by me and where someone did everything in their power to make themselves feel better by knocking me down. I just didn't want the same competition that I had for 5 1/2 years. 

I also did not want to work overtime hours with a salary. I worked one whole day before I left the library and 2 hours on a Saturday, yet they don't even seem to be counting it. The upper management seemed to be pure workaholics and didn't take any time for lunch, working 9 to 10 hours straight. I saw a high burn out rate for the teachers and management. 

I'll be lucky if I will be paid at all for my time there because I never signed a tax form. It was just really disorganized and a high potential for being taken advantage of. The people were extremely sweet though. Very nice and kind. 

I was also so burned out on kids and after dealing with the library problems, the grief, selling my house and getting it all ready..............well, I had had it. It was time to get off that teacup ride. 

I have a job interview to teach at a preschool on Monday, my house got an offer this morning for the asking price, I'm taking the GRE again to get into a doctoral program for educational psychology and research hopefully by next fall, and my grandkids are going to spend the day with me today at a children's garden. Then all my kids will be at my house tomorrow to celebrate my birthday (which is on Thanksgiving). In other words, it is all working out and I am thanking God for so many things right now. I didn't do anything but cower in all this. I tend to be very ineffectual in times of crisis.

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## merc

I hope things continue to get better for you. Just recently I turned down a job that supposedly was better for me, more money, prestige, yet, as soon as I saw the place I knew it wasn't a good fit for me. All the stuff you have gong on finding a new job, moving, selling a house, going back to school are all major life stressors. Take it day by day, I know you'll be ok.

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## James

(((hugs)))   :Hug: You have an awful lot going on right now.  Anyone would be stressed....seriously.  Things will work out.  You'll find something that's a good fit for you.

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## Chantellabella

Thank you guys. Well, it looks like my house will sell. Let's hope it all goes through at cost and they don't start wanting me to pay for stuff. 

Ok, I'm stressing myself talking about it. 

Time to go to bed.


8pm on a Saturday night. 

Sigh. I've entered the old age zone.

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## Skippy

> I'm sitting on a dark street in my car on a Friday night and my cats are thrown in my garage.
> 
> This is the second time tonight I've been thrown out tonight so somebody can walk in my house, look around, and figure out ways to screw me out of my house for cheap. In the last year I have put 20,000.00 in repairs in it. The realtor just dropped the cost by 10,000.00. 
> 
> I don't have a job. I do have an interview to teach preschoolers, but I'm sure the pay will be minimal. I have two frickin masters degrees which make me over qualified for most jobs. 
> 
> I decided to try to get back into graduate school to get my doctorate in educational psychology, but I have to take the GRE again which cost 187.00. I can't study for the test in a short time, so I made the appt to take the test in Dec. I'm not sure if they will let me register without first taking the test. My last GRE was in 2005 and it needs to be within 5 years. I thought if I could get into the PhD program then I could get a research job on campus. I've applied for several positions there and am praying to get them.
> 
> I just feel like teaching in a preschool is such a step backwards. I guess I should be thankful for even having a job interview. 
> ...



*hugzzzzzzzz* I'll join ya as a drifter, haha, it's what I do best. 

Take good care of yerself, ok? I hope life gets better for you. 

throwing happy sparkles your way!  :sparkles:

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## Chantellabella

> *hugzzzzzzzz* I'll join ya as a drifter, haha, it's what I do best. 
> 
> Take good care of yerself, ok? I hope life gets better for you. 
> 
> throwing happy sparkles your way!



Sure! come along. I figure I have enough gas money to see 48 states. Hope you don't mind 4 cats living in the car with us.  ::):

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## Skippy

> Sure! come along. I figure I have enough gas money to see 48 states. Hope you don't mind 4 cats living in the car with us.



Yay! Even tho i've become a worthless [BEEP] at the least I can still be very entertaining on road trips =]

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## Otherside

:Hug: 

(I'm tempted to join you as well. I try and illegally stowaway on a plane somewhere and sneak past customs at the airport, since I think my visa have expired now. I'd drive, but I'd probably end up on the wrong side of the road. It would probably be safer for your cat to drive instead of me.)

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## Chantellabella

You can both come. Skippy can entertain us, and you can't drive, Otherside. You can keep the cats company.  ::):

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## Otherside

> You can both come. Skippy can entertain us, and you can't drive, Otherside. You can keep the cats company.



Oh I can drive. You just use the wrong side of the road. And your highways are some sort of deathtrap.I mean, ugh...the first lane is for driving and if you're someone who feels the need to go 30mph in a caravan, the second is for overtaking the slow people, and the third is for overtaking people on the second lane if you feel like going fast and saying [BEEP] it to the speed limit.

And yeah...I'd manage to get you a load of speeding fines driving 80. Apparently 60 is the limit there on the highways. Too slow.

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## Skippy

> Oh I can drive. You just use the wrong side of the road. And your highways are some sort of deathtrap.I mean, ugh...the first lane is for driving and if you're someone who feels the need to go 30mph in a caravan, the second is for overtaking the slow people, and the third is for overtaking people on the second lane if you feel like going fast and saying [BEEP] it to the speed limit.
> 
> And yeah...I'd manage to get you a load of speeding fines driving 80. Apparently 60 is the limit there on the highways. Too slow.



Hehe....I have a caravan.  :XD:  The definitive "Soccer Mom" vehicle.

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## Otherside

> Hehe....I have a caravan.  The definitive "Soccer Mom" vehicle.



Oh I meant these things.

caravan1.jpg

Nothing screams "LOOK AT ME IM ENGLSIH MIDDLE CLASS [BEEP] YEAH I WONT EVEN BOOK A HOTEL TO GO ON HOLIDAY AND PLAN TO EAT SPAM ALL WEEK" louder than dragging one of those behind your car.

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## Skippy

> Oh I meant these things.
> 
> caravan1.jpg
> 
> Nothing screams "LOOK AT ME IM ENGLSIH MIDDLE CLASS [BEEP] YEAH I WONT EVEN BOOK A HOTEL TO GO ON HOLIDAY AND PLAN TO EAT SPAM ALL WEEK" louder than dragging one of those behind your car.



Ohhhhhh I thought ya meant Dodge Caravan.  :XD: 
But heey these're cool! I'd like one of em myself! could just live in that. Would that make me trailer trash?? LOL

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