# Anxiety Disorders > Body Dysmorphic >  >  I'm Transgender.

## Charlie

I just feel so bad about my body, I don't want to have any surgery at all but I will never look male without them.
My breasts, My "lower half", my voice, my neck, my jawline, my hands & feet, my height...everything I want changing just because I'm scared of other people misgendering me...
I don't want to change myself but I feel like I have to...

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## L

Hey charlie, welcome to anxiety space.  I just finished a book titled "Food needs labelling not people" its by an irish person and their struggle with gender identify disorder, its an easy read and thought me a lot even though I don't have gender difficulties. I believe it would be worth a read for you. It difficult to find, I downloaded to my kindle on my phone from Amazon.

Take care,
L.x

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## Chantellabella

> I just feel so bad about my body, I don't want to have any surgery at all but I will never look male without them.
> My breasts, My "lower half", my voice, my neck, my jawline, my hands & feet, my height...everything I want changing just because I'm scared of other people misgendering me...
> I don't want to change myself but I feel like I have to...



Welcome to the forum, Charlie. I read your blog entry and it sounds like you're still stuck with your parents at the moment. Are they misgendering you? I know it can be tough when you're in the wrong body. I have a friend who didn't have an operation and he still struggles with his identity. He feels he's still hiding who he is from everyone. But then I have a friend who did get an operation and he still had a lot of adjusting to do. I can see the struggle you would have when the world sees you as one gender but you know you are the other gender.

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## Hexagon

Hi Charlie, gender dysphoria is quite crippling, I've seen it take a hold of many people around me and the damage it does. Can you get in contact with a therapist who works with gender issues? Transitioning is going to be your only way of alleviating the pain, but I understand it's difficult to do that in an unsupportive environment. Are your family members aware? Can you get a hold of any materials to help cope for the time being? Even if you can get away from the people who don't support you, even just taking a bus to a different area, passing as a guy and not having to worry, I think that would be liberating and helpful for now. While you are changing yourself with transitioning, it's only changing the external shell to match the inside - your personhood, your sense of self isn't altered, rather, you're helping to align things the way that they should be.

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## maaviz789

Hi Charlie, I know you are going through difficult times. One of my friends had the similar situation and I supported him to undergo the ftm surgery. He was very much depressed as he didn’t have any support from his family and many of his friends. I took him to Dr. McLean in Mississauga for counselling and as suggested by his surgeon he had undergone the female to male surgery few years back and he is relieved to an extent. I think you should also consult a surgeon who specialises in transgender surgery and gets counselling. I know the pain you are suffering, everyone sees you as one gender but you know you are not that. It's not an offense to change yourself if your are not belonging there.

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## IamZax

Hey there...I can relate to some of what you are feeling, Charlie.
I'm unsure if I'm with gender dysphoria (non binary) as well as body dysmorphia however. Anyways...I feel a lot of what you write as I too want to change my body image/appearance and be genuine...yet avoid surgery etc.

I do so wish you some ease in finding the solutions which you feel suit you and make you feel comfy


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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