Do you ever have those days where it feels like everyone hates you? Where you can't do anything right? Where your struggling to understand people?
I feel pathetic; a looser; isolated; alone; scared; afraid; pathetic; self-guilt; anger.
And I want to reach out to people.. but, I feel too much of a bother
Self hatred is high tonight. I was reminded how pathetic and useless I really am. I try to tell myself 'and this too shall pass'.
But, how can I pass a broken personality... a broken soul? I don't understand how anyone could love me. I sometimes feel like I don't deserve love (I have not had any fights with my bf and things are going perfect). I don't feel even a cat should love me.... or platonic relationships. I'm just struggling with grasping why anyone should care about me I mean that in the most guanine way. I'm not very supportive at times, I'm awkward and sometimes am triggered by people getting too close to me. I honestly wish I was a better human >.<
Tonight was a random trigger for me that brought me back to the ground and spiral. And I feel the defeat role. I have so much anxiety there is pain going down my spine and I've shaken to the point even my fingernails and hair hurt. Under my eyes ache from overthinking.
Any built self esteem just went out the window. I'm so used to being told I'm pathetic, and that no-one could ever want me.. even the slightest peg-down on that issue... and someone saying that.. is enough to put me in overhaul doubt.
[NOTE: This is not for sympathy; and I don't need people to counter what I'm saying as it'll make me feel worse I just want to know if anyone else struggles with this]