Hi everyone.
I need to give some background details. Hopefully this isn't too long.
In November of 2016, I found out that my fianc? and I were expected a baby. Everything was going well. Things changed over Easter weekend. I stopped feeling the baby move and on April 18th, I was told our baby had passed at 25 weeks gestation. I went through labor and delivery and our baby girl was born on April 20th. I was crushed and traumatized by the whole experience.
My fiance and me spent the next few weeks grieving together and became stronger than ever. However over the past month, things have changed. My anxiety has gone up because I have lost all faith in things working out and being ok. My baby's death blindsided me. I couldn't go back to normal that I knew. I changed jobs and have tried to make a new normal but its been hard. I'm now afraid I'm going to lose my fianc? on top of it. Lately we've been arguing a lot, and he seems to get so angry over such small things. He snaps and its very hard. The hardest part is he doesn't notice its happening. I keep trying to bring it to his attention but he doesn't see that its a problem. He says that its because I'm pushing him when he doesn't want to talk. But for example, the other night we went over to a friends for a party. It was around 1230am when I started to get very tired. He asked if I wanted to leave but I knew he was enjoying his time and so I said no, it was alright that we could stay. Fast forward to 2am. He asked again if I wanted to go and I told him yes. He then went on to say nevermind, that he wanted to stay a bit longer. I did get frustrated but at this point I was beyond tired and I felt like I respected him enough to stay and give him more time and I was being overlooked. We finally left a half hour later and I mentioned in the car that I felt upset by it. I said it nicely and didn't yell at all but his reaction was very angry. He flipped out. I kept telling him to calm down but he wouldn't. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I asked him the next day if our daughters death was causing him to let out his feelings in anger, cause he doesn't deal with his feelings or talk about them. He told me no, that its not about her and he's just sick of me and how I complain too much. I don't understand what he's talking about. I feel like he's honestly deflecting and everything was about me and how all the arguments are my fault and not one over the past 3 years are his. That I like to fight and everything we argue about is me causing it. I don't deserve this. I feel like I do everything for this man. If his anger isn't about our daughter, then I have no idea where its suddenly come from. I'm not a bad girl by any means and I always treat him with the upmost respect and always put him before myself. I have no idea whats happening. I'm so depressed and anxious. I'm writing this at work just trying to make through my day. But I feel like my heart can't take more pain... he was what I was holding onto to get through this, and now I feel so alone, like he is abandoning me. I don't know what to do.