Could really use some help

[Idohair32583]

I've had anxiety\ panic disorder and had it under control until recently. My husband of 21 years isn't sure if he wants to be married anymore. He's on the fence about divorce. This uncertainty is killing me. I love him with all my heart and soul, but my anxiety is out of control. I'm on celexa, which they just upped 3 weeks ago to 40mgs, buspar 3 times a day and klonipin, 2x a day. I'm barely sleep. I fall asleep between 10-11 and wake up with an adrenaline rush around 3-4. If I try to go back to sleep, I usually get 20 min or so and it happens again. I can't nap, because of it. I cry and scream a lot, get faint, hot flushes. I'm starting to break. Pls help

[Cuchculan]

Has he ever discussed reasons as to why he doesn't want to be married any more? That is not just something that happens out of nowhere. For him something must have changed. To make him arrive at this decision. So we need to find out what has changed. Plus if it is something he is willing to work on. Rather than just give up after 21 of marriage. Couples therapy would be the right route to take. To see can the marriage be saved and what is going on with him. To make him arrive at this decision.

As for yourself. If you think the medication dose is too much for you, have a word with your doctor. There might be a chance they will change it up. Give you something that might work to help you sleep as well. Lack of sleep is annoying. It can turn us into demons. Play with our emotions. Add to that the issue with your husband. It will all add up. Will make it seem like your life is fallen apart slowly. But there is always a road back. With the right kind of help. Even if you are not sleeping, try and just relax yourself up. Stay in bed. Try and not get frustrated. Never try and force sleep. That just keeps us more awake. Even go onto you tube and look for meditation music. Learn how to relax the mind. To help you think more clearly. Remember, have a word with your doctor if you think the medication is far too much for you.

[InvisibleGuy]

I wonder what's going on in your marriage. It seems like there are things you might have left out....I feel like I don't know the whole story, don't know what's really going on. Do you communicate with each other? Do you touch / hug / kiss throughout the day or evening at all? Is the intimacy there (I don't just mean sex, I mean intimacy in other ways)? Is there resentment between you? Is someone holding a grudge? Is hurt, and not talking about it?

Those are the questions that come to my mind first.

As for the meds....it can be really, really tough finding the right ones. I'm 47 years old, and I've been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds since I was 15 years old. And I just recently found meds that really work for me. Don't give up. I've tried every SSRI and every SNRI that you could possibly name. But I'm glad I didn't give up, I finally found one that works for me (Zoloft). If what you're taking is not working for you have GOT to speak up. No one else is going to do it for you. Be open and honest with your doc.

[Idohair32583]

He lost both his parents 3 years ago, 2 months apart. He had to take care of them and watched both of them die. He said it was like a switch just turned off for him. We go to therapy together and alone. There is very little affection between us now. He has said he just wants to be alone most of the time.

[InvisibleGuy]

I'm sorry for your loss, and for his loss.

Grief is something I'm still very much struggling with myself. I lost my gf really suddenly five years ago. We were living together, and were very close, and in the blink of an eye she was gone. I'm still in grief counseling, and still in therapy, and I probably always will be. I think, from what I've found so far, grief is a very personal journey, one you sort of have to figure out for yourself. There's no roadmap. I know that when my gf passed away I was never the same, I'm not the same person I was the day before she died, and I never will be.

I'm sorry, I wish I had some real world advice, other than to try to be there for him and continue going to therapy. Twenty one years is a long time to be together. I was married for 18 years before I divorced, so I know what it's like to spend a huge chunk of your life with someone. It sounds like you care for him and love him very, very much, and you're trying to be there for him as much as you can. That's really all you can do.

Try to remember to take care of yourself through all this. Everyone responds to this anxiety stuff differently, but for me, meds is what helped me more than anything else. If the Celexa isn't working for you, I would ask for something else. In my experience, some doctors have a favorite "go to" med, and if you don't insist on trying something different they might be resistant to change it.

[BrookeAshley]

I'm very sorry you are dealing with all this uncertainty and pain. I think the worst part is the not knowing which way life is going to go. Its not fair.

It's great you guys are continuing with therapy. It sounds like after the loss he might be depressed or having some sort of life crisis mentally. Maybe he's questioning everything about life since his loss.

My advice would be to put the energy into the marriage if you want to save it, but at the same time, watch out for your own well being. He may need time to figure things out but that time shouldn't be abused either. He can take his time, but he shouldn't keep you waiting around for an answer for too long. That's not fair to you or your own mental well being. There has to be a limit to it. Sure, you can't make him make a decision but at the same time, if you feel yourself declining while waiting around, you have every right to walk away if need be as well.


I hope things turn around and you guys make it work. It sounds like you want it work out. Please stay in therapy by yourself as well so you have someone guiding you through this.

[Conceda]

You really need a counseling appointment so that you can burst out your feelings and someone can make advice. one thing that you need is a yoga class, some says it's a good way of treating anxiety. Yoga also helps to normalize your sleeping habit.