Recently I find myself hardly eating maybe a bowl a oatmeal and a banana all day long it?s a struggle to just look at it and eat it I find myself looking in the mirror a lot I?ve dropped so much weight close to almost 50 pounds some days I am forgetting food is even a thing like my friends ask Cassie when?s the last time you ate me thinking yesterday I think is usually my response but then once in a while I?ll eat a bigger meal like Arby?s then I go and eat a bunch of Arby?s then I regret that decision and tell myself I don?t need food
I cut out snacks

I also cut out pop I drink tons of water now and juice

Recently I find myself cleaning and will bend over from pain in my stomach it?s because I haven?t ate In awhile but it goes away or I?ll be in the same room as my roomate and my stomach will not shut up and keep growling and I?ll look around and ask did she hear that she says hear what I?m like okay good as long as no one hears my stomach growling they won?t suggest food

But it?s more the obsession of my body telling me I need to lose so much more weight I need to stop eating this or I can?t eat but one thing or I need to weigh myself okay so last week I was 194 now I?m 188 it?s progress but maybe if I stand a different way on the scale my body weight will increase
I never have been this obsessive over my body and what I?m putting in it

I did use to suffer from behavior exhibiting signs of bulimia back around the age of 16

It?s confusing what is causing this I don?t know if this is a eating disorder my mom and my friends sister think it may be and I should talk to my therapist about it

Their is also tons of negative self talk well I?m in the mirror looking at my body in different angles so I can find my flaws better and then informing myself what needs to be fixed
So on average I?m eating 1 meal to no meals at all

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