I don't know that this is an issue for me... I mean if I shouldn't be trusting people, then it's good that I don't, right?
The thing is, when I was younger, I found out that everyone in my life (family and friends), didn't really care about me, they just like the sort of person that I was at the time. When I changed, they treated me like trash and looked down on me. I'm someone who has been through ups and downs from a societal point of view: I've been a really good student, I've dropped out of school, I've had a really good appearance, and I've been ugly. I've seen that nobody stuck with me and treated me the same way through all of that. They always disappear or act like jerks when I'm down and try to be friends with me again when I'm up.
Whenever I meet someone else, I just can't find any reason to think that they'd be different. Sure, maybe someone would like me right now, but it's not a true friendship or true love, because they would have turned their back on me when I had nothing going for me. I mean right now, I'm in a kinda low spot too... not my lowest mind you, but also not my highest. But I still feel this way; and I feel like I have to get back to my best before I can make friends again.
Also, sometimes I think about a girl I dated a long time ago for a short time; I broke up with her pretty quickly which made her cry. But because of that, I never saw her mad at me, disappointed with me, or emotionally distant with me. I know it's ridiculous, but I really do want to see her again sometime, just to see if she has changed and if she would look down on me now. I don't know why but for some reason I feel like maybe she wouldn't, I know that's just a delusion, but I really want to believe that she'd have supported my choices in life.
Idk what I'm asking; maybe this thread is pointless. I just feel like this is the biggest obstacle in my life right now and I don't know what to think about it (and this forum is the only place I can think to share it).