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  1. #1
    TuanJie's Avatar
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    Hoarding & Compulsivity

    I haven't been diagnosed with OCD, but with OC personality traits. Recently, I started noticing I have a bit of a hoarding tendency. I don't throw away things easily because they may come in handy and I like to be inventive with stuff I have at home instead of having to go to the store at the moment I need something. Thrift is also a part of the equation. It's not a problem per se, fun even, but I'm noticing I started to very slowly drift into risky terrain.

    My theory is that it stems from a lack of love in my childhood. It instilled a belief in me that the world is not safe. It runs so deep that I'm rarely conscious of it. Because the world feels unsafe, I feel I need to be prepared. This is one way it manifests. My house is messy. Organizing used to come easy to me as a kid. Now a lot of stuff doesn't have a place. It's in small heaps, on the dinner table which I never use for eating, only for stuff, temporarily in a box, on the floor in a room. Places like that. I have given my house a workshop touch, while it still mainly is a place to live.

    I'm just wondering if people recognize this kind of "logic" and an uneasiness with that. Part of me wants to start throwing away as much as possible, another part wants to cling to the stuff because it provides a sense of being able to solve practical problems when they present themselves. It's not only like this in my head. I has come in handy a lot of times and it had been a source of joy to be able to make or fix something because of it. Where to draw the line?
    The best book I read about trauma since '97 is Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving

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    o jeez idk when to draw the line either I grew up poor and have been poor all my life so I never get rid of anything
    maybe u can set a rule if u haven’t used something for a certain amount of time then it’s safe to toss

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    TuanJie's Avatar
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    @CloudMaker
    Thanks for sharing that. Makes me feel a bit better about it already. You made me realize this definitively also has to do with how I view my financial situation. Money means options in life. If you don't have much of that, stuff provides at least options in specific areas. Although I'm poor by Dutch standards, I don't have to live this way because of that. I feel the need to make a change in this arena, but I'm not sure where to draw the line. Like I don't want to let go of it at the same time.

    The suggestion about time makes sense. Marie Kondo, the organizing queen, goes one step further. If an item hasn't brought you joy in x amount of time, that is the signal for getting rid of it. I feel resistance, although it makes sense. It's almost like going to stand on a different foundation. One that is available for me if I'd want to.
    The best book I read about trauma since '97 is Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving

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    Quote TuanJie View Post
    @CloudMaker
    Thanks for sharing that. Makes me feel a bit better about it already. You made me realize this definitively also has to do with how I view my financial situation. Money means options in life. If you don't have much of that, stuff provides at least options in specific areas. Although I'm poor by Dutch standards, I don't have to live this way because of that. I feel the need to make a change in this arena, but I'm not sure where to draw the line. Like I don't want to let go of it at the same time.

    The suggestion about time makes sense. Marie Kondo, the organizing queen, goes one step further. If an item hasn't brought you joy in x amount of time, that is the signal for getting rid of it. I feel resistance, although it makes sense. It's almost like going to stand on a different foundation. One that is available for me if I'd want to.
    oh wow I didn’t realize I were Dutch I should have paid more attention to the details below your avatar u speak really good English I couldn’t even tell! ugh I’m bad at language never learned a second one and I’m not even good at English LOL!

    Idk what poor is like in Europe. here there is rural poor and urban poor. Urban poor don’t have money for anything because of their high rent but tend to get lots of food stamps and probably eat even better than I do TBH. I grew up rural poor in the middle of Iowa where there were hardly jobs anywhere and my father used to hunt squirrels and raccoons so we could eat. That was a long time ago though so it may be better there now IDK. but anyway I’m always afraid of losing my job and going hungry and the food banks around here in California ran out often during the pandemic which made me hoard supplies even worse. always think if SHTF I might have something someone would want to barter for food

    I like ur Marie Kondo suggestion but I tried watching her and couldn’t do it because she’s so cute it gets on my nerves LOL

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    @CloudMaker
    That's a big compliment. Thank you! My English isn't prefect, but I think it's awesome it enables me to connect to people around the globe on this forum.

    It's impressive what you describe about your dad hunting squirrels and raccoons. I can imagine how that affects your basic sense of safety and your relationship with food and work. If you don't mind me asking, do you rely on the food bank to survive? It must have been scary as hell for people in that position they ran out during the pandemic before. Or if that's the backup if you don't have job security. Luckily, I've never been in a position like that, but I too like to have a bit of a food buffer. Not massive. Just a bit.

    The situation over here is very different, I think. I feel very privileged I'm on disability over here. That means a roof over my head, food on the table and health insurance. I'm eternally grateful for that. People on social security are in a similar position. Although my income is considered low, I feel stinking rich in the sense that I'm chronically ill and have access to food, clothing, shelter and healthcare. This would have been a very different story in most other countries, many European included. The difference between the states in the US is also quite big, isn't it? If I'd been born over there, I'd been in constant stress about these things, I'm quite sure.
    The best book I read about trauma since '97 is Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving

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    Quote TuanJie View Post
    @CloudMaker
    That's a big compliment. Thank you! My English isn't prefect, but I think it's awesome it enables me to connect to people around the globe on this forum.

    It's impressive what you describe about your dad hunting squirrels and raccoons. I can imagine how that affects your basic sense of safety and your relationship with food and work. If you don't mind me asking, do you rely on the food bank to survive? It must have been scary as hell for people in that position they ran out during the pandemic before. Or if that's the backup if you don't have job security. Luckily, I've never been in a position like that, but I too like to have a bit of a food buffer. Not massive. Just a bit.

    The situation over here is very different, I think. I feel very privileged I'm on disability over here. That means a roof over my head, food on the table and health insurance. I'm eternally grateful for that. People on social security are in a similar position. Although my income is considered low, I feel stinking rich in the sense that I'm chronically ill and have access to food, clothing, shelter and healthcare. This would have been a very different story in most other countries, many European included. The difference between the states in the US is also quite big, isn't it? If I'd been born over there, I'd been in constant stress about these things, I'm quite sure.
    I don’t rely on food banks right now but I have gone down to eating only 1 meal per day with how much prices have increased this past year. I leave the food bank food for people who need it more and have no meals. I used them in the past when I was raising my son as a single mother

    it’s nice u have healthcare there. I work two part time jobs (40-50 hours total per week) and have no health insurance because employers only need to offer it here to full time employees. we have a thing called a marketplace here but it would cost me $400 a month for high deductible insurance that wouldn’t even cover anything unless I spent over $7000 for health costs and even then it only covers 80% of costs and the deductible resets every year. I can’t afford $400 per month!!!! Let alone the deductible. I haven’t been to a doctor in at least 20 years

    disabled people here get federal health insurance but it doesn’t cover everything. they also get SSDI which is like $750 in cash per month and usually has a 2-3 year wait list. that doesn’t pay enough for rent in most places so a lot of disabled people have several roommates so they can afford utilities. they do get $200 a month in food stamps though I think

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    oh yes I forgot u asked about difference between states and there’s a huge difference it’s a very big country. some have expanded welfare programs
    I grew up in Iowa which is mostly corn farmers and now I’m in California which has every sort of terrain and service you could imagine but rent is AWFUL
    you either live in the middle of nowhere where there’s no jobs but cheap rent or where there’s a ton of people and more jobs but rent so bad it costs all of your income

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    @CloudMaker
    Gosh, one meal a day. You're really where the crisis hits, then. Sorry to hear that. You have a really good heart wanting to leave the food bank for people who need it even more. Restores a bit of my hope for humanity.

    Working so much and eating so little as you do, sounds totally unfair to me. It doesn't sound all that strange if one were to hoard under these circumstances. Food and otherwise. It's more a matter of being creative in making ends meet, isn't it? The housing issue sounds equally impossible for the (working) poor.
    The best book I read about trauma since '97 is Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving

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