Foggy
Foggy
I am such a pessimist sometimes....I always fear the worst. I missed a call from my boss today. No biggie. I called her back a couple hours later, but fearing the worst esp after the conference call we had with our biggest client. And she was pissed off, but not at me, at one of her coworkers, and she explained what had happened, and she just wanted to bounce it off of me. She just wanted my opinion. That's all. And....that's actually kind of cool in a way.
So, for the billionth time, I was anxious and worried about....nothing.
Multiple random thoughts....
I had an awesome weekend with my kids and my parents. We all went to TopGolf, my favorite place again, celebrated my bday (which....I don't celebrate anymore because I'm too motherfucking old now to have anymore). And they overdid it as usual, put streamers up in the kitchen ffs, and decorated, and my parents bought a cake. Both my daughters made me cupcakes, which I thought was just really awesome I got really nice new golfclubs, which....I do not even deserve to even own. Not with the way I play golf lol. They're nice, three woods that my dad won at a golf tournament that altogether sell for over $1,000. And I got golf shirts, and club covers, from my kids, it was just way over the top, way too much, way more than I even deserve. I don't understand why they go all out like this. I don't ask for anything. I actually tell all of them "I don't want to celebrate my birthday, I'm too fucking old as it is", but they don't listen.
I'm worried about my oldest daughter. She and I have talked a few times today, but not as much as I'd like. She sounds totally fine now....I just got off the phone with her. But when our weekend was over and we were all getting into my car to go home, she was getting a little weepy, she was holding back tears, I could tell....something was really, really bothering her. While her brother and sister were getting their stuff in the car, I talked to her for a few minutes, I tried to get out of her what was bothering her....she said she was fine but I know her, and she's a terrible liar. I kept her behind when I dropped everyone off at their mom's house and talked to her again and she seemed fine. Idk.
Talked to her just now, a few hours later, on the phone and she thinks it's the new meds she's on....they might not have kicked in yet. She's been on them for four weeks, barely, and that may not be quite enough time for them to start working. She told me that, I didn't tell her....so....she knows it takes a while sometimes for antidepressants to kick in. She said she was just feeling a little down. She promised to call me or text me if she wanted to talk.
I'm of course really hoping, praying she'll feel better. I worry about all my kids, that's what I do, that's my job....I worry about them. But I worry about her in different ways oc. I think she's going to be just fine but I still worry.
Also, why in the [BEEP] is my sister so happy? All the time. I really do not understand how anyone can be so happy, all the time like that. I swear to God the worst thing that has every happened to her is she might have had a bad hair day. She has....everything, and I mean everything. A perfect, beautiful little house in a sprawling, growing neighborhood in a suburb of Houston. Two perfect kids. The perfect husband.
For fucks sake, fall on your [BEEP] once in a while. Everyone else does. Prove that you're human. I'm not sure you are lol.
Just a few more minutes
Ffs, it feels good to be home again. In my own bed. In Houston, where I don't need a GPS to go down the street. Back to doing the job I know. It feels really, really good.
Bleep
Meh.
The silent night
Holy Night
The Lovable Irish Rogue
Driving across the country for the 2nd time. im so tired of driving this....but only 15 hours to go....will be nice to set the apt up with all the stuff we brought back home from ontario
I feel high anxiety inside of me. I don't like it.
Deep breaths. Slowing everything down helps me. Going somewhere quiet, and dark, helps me.
For me, a lot of it has to do with my breathing. It all starts and ends there. Try to slow everything down a little bit.
Try to relax. Try to distract yourself, that also works for me. Put on a movie. Or some music that calms you down.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.