Random Thought of the Day

[Heelsbythebridge]

Like a toxic fucking ex.

I hate that he's doing well there. He belongs here. We waited so long for him and he's all we wished for. We waited 10 years.

What did these bastards fucking do

Christ, we waited 10 years

I might just never get over this. Not even 10 years. It might have been 20, we just waited and none of the others felt right and then we found him and he was perfect exactly what we wanted and needed and we love him and how he's with someone else

[Heelsbythebridge]

We don't know what we have till it's gone and we can't get it back.

We did once actually, but our boy came back. But that was exceptional circumstances. We were in love.

[Heelsbythebridge]

At what point do you realize, what you've done? The numbers and facts don't matter, what feels right is what matters.

[Heelsbythebridge]

Who fucking cares right? We all die eventually. Who cares about what feels right. Gotta go with the flow. What the overlords want. Time society and what money can afford you. Die with unsure regrets and unresolved feelings.

[Nyctophilia]

I'm emailed somebody that I used to talk to years ago and they're not responding.

edit: Also, Christian music is so bad that it's direct evidence against Christianity. lol.

I like some Christian music but it's usually stuff where I didn't realise the band/lyrics were Christian themed lol.

Like this Flyleaf track is pretty good but didn't realise it was actually about Jesus lol:



I like this track too and apparently they're a Christian band but the lyrics don't really relate to that. I mostly like it becuase it has a nostalgic 2000s sound though tbh:



I also think Ethel Cain has some interesting music tracks. Kind of like darkside Lana Del Rey. It's not the best stuff I've ever heard but there's not a lot of new music that I stumble on that I'm that interested in. Her Southern Baptist upbringing was a big influence and I think she was living in a rented church at one point with some friends. I think it's more of a cultural thing though. She left her family's church when she was 16 and now tries to own that imagery because she's trans and a lot of the LGBT community have been rejected from Christianity so take the opposite route. So it's interesting in that sense.

CH: A relationship with the church and Christianity is there throughout your work. There's also a lot of witchy and Satanic references ? what is your relationship with all of these?

EC: I definitely love the spookiness of it all, but for me, the real spook factor isn't so much with Satan or the witchiness, it's very much in God. I know some of it at face value looks very culty the candles, and all that. But for me, the true terror comes in God. When you grow up in the church everyone tells you that you have to fear God. Before you love him you have to fear him. Satan to me has never been that scary, he's just the devil. God has all power, he is all-powerful. He is the overarching and looming face in the darkness. That's very much what God felt like to me growing up, the person who's always watching and you can never get away from. And that to me was terrifying. That's where I'm at. I think Satan and all that is kind of a cheap facade if you want the real scary [BEEP] you gotta go with God.

This isn't really a Christian themed song the title comes from a layer of Hell described in Dante's Inferno and reminds me a bit of Chelsea Wolfe whose music is hit/miss for me, but I quite like it cause of the post-metal/industrial/dark ambient sound and the screaming part:



It also amuses me that she got a lot of people to listen to her via her more poppy/ethereal sounding music then just dropped this on them hahaha.

[Heelsbythebridge]

He will come back.

If it meant enough, he will be back.

So if he doesn't, then it wasn't.

Don't you forget about me

[Nyctophilia]

There's this guy who always likes my twitter responses to Matt Walsh (I think I noticed after the 4th time it happened or something,) but he doesn't follow me, and doesn't interact with any of my other tweets. I decided to look through other's likes to see if he just does that with everyone responding to him but it doesn't seem like it so he is being selective. Moreover most of his retweets are complaining about democrats in the US, retweeting people who don't want kids to transition, other complaints about identity and 'wokeness' I don't even know how he's finding my tweets and often he likes stuff not long after I've posted it. The twitter algorithm is very weird. I know it tries to suggest stuff to people that they will disagree with but why is he liking them lol?

Does he just hate Matt Walsh separately from the debate? I considered he might be a bot but I'm not sure. He has over 80 thousand followers and works as a surgeon with some tweets about that.



He looks a bit like him too.

[Doseone]

I like some Christian music but it's usually stuff where I didn't realise the band/lyrics were Christian themed lol.

I was thinking more of contemporary Christian music. It's just so bland and the lyrics are uninspiring (to me anyway).

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:


My parents listen to it in the car and it all sounds the same to me. lol.

But yeah, there were some decent alt-rock groups that were "Christian" even though their lyrics didn't really reflect that. Underoath was a good example. Chevelle another, or at least they labeled themselves Christian at one point. I consider them to be secular bands with vaguely Christian lyrics. They're not in your face with the "praise him" and "Jesus is lord." Ethel Cain was interesting. I love Chelsea Wolfe and see the similarities.

[Nyctophilia]

This Jordan Peterson clip is being posted around right now where he seems confused about how he should treat non-binary people:

https://twitter.com/puppygranate/sta...63463646191616

https://youtu.be/GA6IRGtg32k?t=4388

Timestamp

'Let's say you have a non standard gender identity. What the hell are other people supposed to do with that? Like what are the rules here? Because if you're a woman I kind of know how to treat you.'

Oh no. It looks like you're going to have to actually talk to non-binary people Jordan if you want to continue this. Ideally not just teenagers too since I honestly don't relate to everything non-binary US teenagers say/think since I'm 32 and British.

You know people are already ignoring these stereotypical rules outside of non-binary people all the time. Feminine gay men will call other gay men 'girl' (sometimes straight men too,) and lesbians often call women 'lads' the gender identity part isn't overly important to the specifics of how people want to be treated or what language/stereotypes they choose to use, and you've only just decided to think about this now because of the increased media attention and your history with students at your college several years ago. It's odd that a psychologist wouldn't have some awareness but obviously he's never really communicated much with LGBT+ people.

Cause here's the thing right if you treat a butch lesbian in stereotypical feminine ways or 'as a woman' as he puts it she'll hate that even though she identifies as a woman. (something terfs also seem oblivious to weirdly. I've been noting this with some bemusement on social media for a while now whenever they react to trans men/dysphoric lesbians/non-binary people by trying to claim they're really feminine/female looking/acting and seem to think that's something they want to be reassured about and then they'll feel better when it's exactly the opposite.)You should know that already and be able to intuit that if you're going to be communicating with butch lesbian women but he's not nor is he really going to be communicating with non-binary people so it's all sort of pointless.

Most people treat me in ways I intuitively feel uncomfortable with. Often this has nothing to do with gender and is just them responding to my clear social anxiety + appearing young for my age. I'm sure this is true for most people at least some of the time for one reason or another. Most of social media discourse is people bringing up issues they have with other people and their behaviour towards them. Many people find me weird or confusing I don't have to do anything to get that reaction. With some people I seem normal but with many they wonder if I'm autistic or find me creepy, or think I'm upset, or weird because I'm not emoting the way they expect and have obvious anxiety.

I once knew a guy where all our interactions were a bit off. He would walk next to the road to 'protect me from traffic' this wasn't a thing I was familiar with anyone doing myself or for others it was confusing and he had to explain that he was trying to do that when I kept walking next to the road. He also once on a separate occasion questioned why I acted like a man (not looking like, acting like. Jordan's example is someone with a moustache and a dress you don't have to be so obviously gender non-conforming to confuse some people.)

I don't think being non-binary really does provide a unique extra layer in regards to stereotypes. I mean his example was not knowing what to do with someone in a dress with a moustache which is just aesthetic anyway not anything specific to being non-binary.

'We're dooming them to anxious depression'

I've had social anxiety disorder as long as I've been alive, and always will. I've never been that depressed compared to other people living similar lives shockingly. I definitely have low points and I'm not content (especially with all the anxiety,) but I think I'm too schizoid for the kind of full on depression that most people who are forced to live lives like mine have.

Edit: And actually in another video a year ago he claimed he knew exactly what a 'genderfluid man' as he put it, would be like. I guess something about the term 'demi boy' just blows his mind.



He also expects non-binary people to be androgynous though and a lot of people aren't, or aren't very androgynous. Or aren't androgynous in ways that are necessarily obvious.

[Nyctophilia]

I was thinking more of contemporary Christian music. It's just so bland and the lyrics are uninspiring (to me anyway).

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:


My parents listen to it in the car and it all sounds the same to me. lol.

But yeah, there were some decent alt-rock groups that were "Christian" even though their lyrics didn't really reflect that. Underoath was a good example. Chevelle another, or at least they labeled themselves Christian at one point. I consider them to be secular bands with vaguely Christian lyrics. They're not in your face with the "praise him" and "Jesus is lord." Ethel Cain was interesting. I love Chelsea Wolfe and see the similarities.

Oh yeah the stuff I linked isn't really designed to encourage people to be Christian. For some reason I assumed most Christian music would be sort of like country music but that sounds kind of like 90s/2000s basic rock music. Like watered down Breaking Benjamin. I don't mind some music like that but it's never been my favourite genre and that track you linked is pretty boring yeah. It's not bad but nothing stands out. Even their band name just makes me think of Counting Crows.

And it is ironic yeah because you'd think they'd want the music to create a more transcendental feel. I get that more listening to the World of Warcraft soundtrack lol:



Something like the Blade Runner opening. God Is An Astronaut,Steven Wilson's music

Or this (and he's an atheist. He actually has a song dedicated to Christopher Hitchens as well lol thinking about it but I'm not really a fan of that song):





"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't feel
Just because I don't believe doesn't mean I don't understand
We are one in the unified field
We are one in the unified field"

I'm pretty sure it's because most Christians don't have the personality type that enables people to make that kind of music and actively discriminates against groups who often do. I'm biased against Christianity though because I never liked the rules but it also seems opposed to spirituality/transcendental on a psychological level at this point in history. Like most cultures throughout history kind of united creativity with whatever spiritual beliefs are popular in the culture. The West + Christianity doesn't do that.

See clearly 'Satanic':

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixnBYxqS4uA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-jMWzfj9gM

Like they'd find a reason to argue that most artists are Satanic. And I maintain that most modern Christians wouldn't even like Jesus if he existed today.

Oh and this follows patterns in architecture somewhat too. In my town there this little rundown area (a lot of the town looks and is rundown but so is this area,) next to a carpark that's full of these boring/bland looking rundown buildings and a bunch of them are actually churches. I found that really interesting when I noticed. Like a great location for a music video. It's so removed from like cathedrals or even regular churches I've seen around that will be at least slightly aesthetically interesting to look at. And there are Christianity focussed billboards around the town centre that have a similar vibe. It echoes the poverty and desperation and hopelessness and the detachment from aesthetics/creativity too.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I'm really glad we're having this conversation. I notice it will take approximately one hour and involves only me.

[Heelsbythebridge]

Experience Leafs hockey baby.

Sportsgasm. Chaos. MOAR

[Heelsbythebridge]

I'm so excited I can't sleep

[Nyctophilia]

Rap really is a singularity.



People are comparing this to Rebecca Black and the lyrics are comical but she's not bad musically.

I mean it's 4-5/10 but they're rating it 0/10 for political/class warfare reasons which is a bit obnoxious.

[Heelsbythebridge]

Aaaand now the drop.

I actually literally couldn't sleep last night, which is bad because I'm only happy when I'm 1. Drunk or 2. Asleep. And I can't stay drunk 24/7.

I really do start some days off telling myself it will be a dry day. Then by 10am after logging into work for an hour, I already need a drink. Is it even work's fault? I can push these urges to around 4pm on the weekend....

No, it's just the overall pervasive misery.