Phew!IllusionOfHappiness
Phew!
Socially inept Koala
Ugh do I know the feeling =/. I go through many phases where the I honestly consider never wanting to talk to anyone again and feeling zero desire to actually connect and make friendships. To other people I come across as very cold and distant IRL. Those phases have cost me the few friendships Ive had =/. But being in a community like this atleast gives me some hope that maybe I CAN connect with people and make friendships...but its going to take some time ><.
The Awkward Conversationalist
I feel absolutely horrible. I feel depressed and angry and insane and fat and ugly and I honestly think I'm turning into a psycho. I can't keep my anxiety or my emotions under control any longer. I'm going to lose it like I've never lost it before. I can already tell this is just the calm before the storm, and believe me, it's not very calm. I already had a major panic attack tonight- a full-blown crying and screaming and hyperventilating panic attack- and it's not doing me any good just to sit around the house and wait and wait to "recover" from my stupid surgery. Enough already. Going outside is not going to kill me, I'm not a vampire. I am going completely stir-crazy. I can't decide if I want to let myself go and start eating junk food again or if I want to starve myself. I can't decide if I want to go to sleep or just stay wide awake for days until I snap. Hell, I can't even decide right now if I like guys or girls. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing control. I'm losing any sense of self that I possibly had left. I'm just spiraling deeper and deeper into this black hole filled with depression and anger and hate. It's like a bottomless pit of self-destruction that never ends, just leaves me falling further and further until one day I hit the bottom and go completely psycho and find the point of no return. I feel like that's going to happen soon... God, just get me on the right meds and accelerate my treatment by a few months and make it summer already and I swear I'll be OK. I'm not going to be OK right now. I just want to scream and beg for someone to PLEASE HELP ME because I'm going insane.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
A bit anxious at the moment after asking someone to hang out. They said sure, but since it was all online, I couldn't help but wonder if they truly meant it.
killer of conversations
I'm sorry to hear this has cost you friendships. You of all people don't deserve that.Ugh do I know the feeling =/. I go through many phases where the I honestly consider never wanting to talk to anyone again and feeling zero desire to actually connect and make friendships. To other people I come across as very cold and distant IRL. Those phases have cost me the few friendships Ive had =/. But being in a community like this atleast gives me some hope that maybe I CAN connect with people and make friendships...but its going to take some time ><.
I find it's much easier to communicate online because I don't have to worry about my facial expressions/body language here. My lack of emotion is mostly a really shitty coping mechanism for my anxiety and depression, but this is the only place I can be honest about that. It's probably 50% something I've practised for years and 50% depression making caring about things seem like a chore. I'm sure to everyone IRL I'm just bitchy and uninterested with the personality of a stale potato chip. >.< My "coping mechanism" is really backfiring. I got way too good at it.
Actually all that is not ok. It's passive aggressive behavior and usually it's because a person wants to kick other people around rather than deal with their own feelings. I think people too often excuse all that bad behavior with "I was just kidding." If they really were a true friend they would see that the "just kidding" was hurtful and then wouldn't do it to you again.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
I'm sorry you're going through all that. I have no way to help except to say that I hear you and understand your frustration.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
How am I feeling?
Tired, tired, tired, tired, tired.
It's definitely bedtime.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
I want to cry so badly
life---><---me
A bit calm. Trying my best to think more rationally and be patient in general.
Diggin' My Potatoes
I'm feeling worse about everything having to do with my existence with every day that passes. It's rather exhausting.
This specific image from Hyperbole and a Half comes to mind:
ADTWO32.png
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin
Bad. Just really bad.
Stressed
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Exhausted... Can't wait for the weekend
so tired of falling into the same patterns, i fucking suck at being social, i cant even talk to people on the internet, ughh
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