Cynical.
Cynical.
Feeling fat today
life---><---me
killer of conversations
Unprepared and overwhelmed and depressed due to both of those things. Also sucks that I haven't found time to work out at all. Maybe I'll try that tomorrow morning. My body is so sore. I at least need to do stretches or sciatica will come back.
I feel like this is the week I'll fall really behind in things. We have three tests this week and I'm not sure what we're supposed to do about that? I've only had nine days of classes so far. How is it that we're expected to know enough to have passed test #5 by the end of next week? I thought I'd be cruising along in chairside procedures, but our instructor isn't very helpful which results in a lot of trial and error when it comes to flipping through our textbook. All that does is waste my time when I could be studying for my other two harder, more science-based tests. I can't afford to waste time. All she has to do is write something like "refer to chapter 25 for a diagram". Things like that would help immensely. We just don't have the time for guess work. It also seems like most things people ask in class, she can't provide an answer for. No, I can't tell you if that will be on the test or not, no I can't email those videos to you, I'll get to that (while never actually revisiting the topic) etc.
Speaking of wasting time, ending Friday with a group assignment to build a structure out of cue cards, paper clips, and markers made me livid. Three tests. Three tests to study for, and you're making us build a fucking house of cards. If murder were legal...
And this is the woman who will continually tell us things like, "you only have until 3pm to finish this" yet won't stop talking. I can either type, or listen to you. I can't do both. I have major issues trying to concentrate/focus especially at the end of the day (meds have worn off, anxiety sets in) when I typically have this class.
I don't know why I volunteered to type up my group's presentation work for another class. I guess I thought it would get me out of taking on three speaking parts instead of two. Now I have to deal with everyone's drunk/stressed/tired misspellings of things as they email them to me over the weekend. As if I didn't already have enough to do. I guess I was also trying to be assertive since this kinda makes me the group "leader" since I have to communicate with everyone and make sure they have my contact info. So that's a win for me. But still. Argh.
Our two main instructors are fantastic, I should add. Wonderful, enthusiastic, positive, encouraging people.
College is tough. I can remember feeling that way a lot, but I always came out of it doing better than I thought I would and feeling stronger just for having survived. You're going to do great, I promise.IllusionOfHappiness
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
Overwhelmed. I went to Costco for the first time, I didn't expect what I got and was anxious the whole time. Thankfully, we weren't there long but I've left with a bit of a headache.
Socially inept Koala
Oh dear god this is EXACTLY why I do not miss college what so everNothing like spending sleepless nights, and on various drug cocktails to get keep yourself awake reading things that induces coma at the drop of a hat ><. I honestly don't know how I made it through 5 years of that crap studying things that I had zero desire to learn. So here's the fuzziest koala hugs I can conjure up for ya Illusion cause we're rooting for you on here!!
killer of conversations
I hope you're right. I don't have a good feeling.College is tough. I can remember feeling that way a lot, but I always came out of it doing better than I thought I would and feeling stronger just for having survived. You're going to do great, I promise.
There's no way I could do five years of this! Some of what we're learning is interesting but there's no time to think, oh that was neat, you just have to cram it into your brain and hope you don't fail. Illusion hugs back atchaOh dear god this is EXACTLY why I do not miss college what so ever
I am tired, frustrated, and feel rather disgusting. And, of course, tomorrow is monday.
Crap
life--->
Stupid. I feel like a real idiot right now.
I feel ill. I'm currently at university, sitting in the library, and I seriously feel like I'm going to regurgitate. I hate being here, and it's only the beginning of the fourth week of the semester. I really don't want to end up having a panic attack later on today in class. : ( I don't know how to cope.
Is "eh" a feeling? If so.............that's how I feel.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
killer of conversations
A little better. Trainwreck mode seems to be disengaged after some major cramming. Feeling better about the test, but still not sure about tomorrow's in-class assignment. Maybe I'll use this last hour here to try and wrap my head around concepts I should've been familiar with days ago.
All I can say is
I came back here after the second "we miss you" email, and realizing that I have to find some way to manage my new anxiety issue-- which is that I'm dating someone who doesn't seem to understand my need to be alone. On that note:
Anyone else notice there's a very fine line between "being alone for a while" and "isolating?" I can tell when I'm isolating because any intrusion other than email (a text message, a phone call, knock at the door), makes my hair stand on end. I get agitated. If I'm just having "alone time," I can calmly tell the person that I'll catch up with them later.
What I don't want to do is block a good person out of my life because of social anxiety. I've done it before; I don't know how many exes think I "must have been cheating" because I didn't take advantage of opportunities to be with them. Here it's going to be really tricky to make the point while not hurting the woman's feelings :/
killer of conversations
All I can say is
I came back here after the second "we miss you" email, and realizing that I have to find some way to manage my new anxiety issue-- which is that I'm dating someone who doesn't seem to understand my need to be alone. On that note:
Anyone else notice there's a very fine line between "being alone for a while" and "isolating?" I can tell when I'm isolating because any intrusion other than email (a text message, a phone call, knock at the door), makes my hair stand on end. I get agitated. If I'm just having "alone time," I can calmly tell the person that I'll catch up with them later.
What I don't want to do is block a good person out of my life because of social anxiety. I've done it before; I don't know how many exes think I "must have been cheating" because I didn't take advantage of opportunities to be with them. Here it's going to be really tricky to make the point while not hurting the woman's feelings :/
I've been isolating a lot lately - only way I can concentrate.
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