Something positive you've done today?

[QuietCalamity]

I was really feeling down about how much weight I've gained since my weird stomach pain put an end to my healthy eating and exercise routine (besides months of stress eating). But I talked to Tim about it and he made me feel better. I decided I know of enough vegetables that don't hurt me to try to make more salads. The university gym is on the way home from my new work and I think I can still go there. Once I get a car....

Trying to be positive about my health when I have a mystery illness and a lot of life stressors is difficult but I'm doing my best.

[IllusionOfHappiness]

Finished my first aid course today. I want to sleep for days after being as medicated as I've been these past two days. Yesterday I was medicated to the point where I felt normal (well, as normal as I, IllusionOfHappiness, can expect to feel) around a room full of strangers. Mostly immature teenagers, for whatever reason. I was elated, sitting there looking around at everyone, and not being so self-conscious about myself that I wanted to dash home. That feeling was followed by a wave of sadness last night, knowing that I'm very rarely allowed to feel like that due to dependencies. It was just so fucking amazing to feel normal for a little while with the beta blockers and the benzos. It was so freeing! It was my "this is how other people must feel" moment, and I almost couldn't handle knowing that I will only ever feel that if it's simulated through meds.

I was also upset because last time I took one of these courses, we went over the exam questions as a group so nobody paid $110 to fail. Not this time! But I passed, and I couldn't have been happier about that. Today we had about 3/4 of our class missing because some of them only needed day 1 of the training, and others were taking day 2 another weekend (which costs more money but I suppose not everyone wants to give up both of their weekend days at once). Less people, less stress. Things were a bit more laid back today. Since there were so few of us there, once the second part of the exam came around we all just bounced ideas off each other and hollered out educated guesses to each other while the instructor basically encouraged it. We were a HORRIBLE group to him. I felt bad. I couldn't believe I was stuck with these whiny, self-entitled [BEEP] disturbers who spent most of their time there taking selfies, checking their makeup in their phone cameras, and swearing like truckers. I chatted with them while I was there, but I wouldn't even want to give them the time of day outside of that building. Yikes! What an awful bunch. And what a strange thing, trying to assume the role of one of them when we had nothing in common.

Anyway. I bought myself some celebratory wine . I may not get past half a glass, though. I'm exhausted in more ways than one.

[Kirsebaer]

Finished my first aid course today. I want to sleep for days after being as medicated as I've been these past two days. Yesterday I was medicated to the point where I felt normal (well, as normal as I, IllusionOfHappiness, can expect to feel) around a room full of strangers. Mostly immature teenagers, for whatever reason. I was elated, sitting there looking around at everyone, and not being so self-conscious about myself that I wanted to dash home. That feeling was followed by a wave of sadness last night, knowing that I'm very rarely allowed to feel like that due to dependencies. It was just so fucking amazing to feel normal for a little while with the beta blockers and the benzos. It was so freeing! It was my "this is how other people must feel" moment, and I almost couldn't handle knowing that I will only ever feel that if it's simulated through meds.

I was also upset because last time I took one of these courses, we went over the exam questions as a group so nobody paid $110 to fail. Not this time! But I passed, and I couldn't have been happier about that. Today we had about 3/4 of our class missing because some of them only needed day 1 of the training, and others were taking day 2 another weekend (which costs more money but I suppose not everyone wants to give up both of their weekend days at once). Less people, less stress. Things were a bit more laid back today. Since there were so few of us there, once the second part of the exam came around we all just bounced ideas off each other and hollered out educated guesses to each other while the instructor basically encouraged it. We were a HORRIBLE group to him. I felt bad. I couldn't believe I was stuck with these whiny, self-entitled [BEEP] disturbers who spent most of their time there taking selfies, checking their makeup in their phone cameras, and swearing like truckers. I chatted with them while I was there, but I wouldn't even want to give them the time of day outside of that building. Yikes! What an awful bunch. And what a strange thing, trying to assume the role of one of them when we had nothing in common.

Anyway. I bought myself some celebratory wine . I may not get past half a glass, though. I'm exhausted in more ways than one.

wow congrats on finishing the course, Illusion! The fact that you had to rely on meds doesn't change the fact that you were brave and you kicked anxiety's [BEEP] this time around. Having positive experiences like that one brings you closer to recovery, and soon you'll be able to do it with much lower doses of meds or even without any meds at all. I know it's hard to believe that, but you're still young - when you look back in a few months/years time you'll see how much you've improved. The more you put yourself out there the more confidence you'll gain (sounds cliché but it's the truth). The worst we can do to ourselves is not trying at all. So kudos for facing your fears, hun
Also, your ability to stay motivated to exercise regularly is something I really admire about you.
That glass of wine was well deserved!

[Koalafan]

Finished my first aid course today. I want to sleep for days after being as medicated as I've been these past two days. Yesterday I was medicated to the point where I felt normal (well, as normal as I, IllusionOfHappiness, can expect to feel) around a room full of strangers. Mostly immature teenagers, for whatever reason. I was elated, sitting there looking around at everyone, and not being so self-conscious about myself that I wanted to dash home. That feeling was followed by a wave of sadness last night, knowing that I'm very rarely allowed to feel like that due to dependencies. It was just so fucking amazing to feel normal for a little while with the beta blockers and the benzos. It was so freeing! It was my "this is how other people must feel" moment, and I almost couldn't handle knowing that I will only ever feel that if it's simulated through meds.

I was also upset because last time I took one of these courses, we went over the exam questions as a group so nobody paid $110 to fail. Not this time! But I passed, and I couldn't have been happier about that. Today we had about 3/4 of our class missing because some of them only needed day 1 of the training, and others were taking day 2 another weekend (which costs more money but I suppose not everyone wants to give up both of their weekend days at once). Less people, less stress. Things were a bit more laid back today. Since there were so few of us there, once the second part of the exam came around we all just bounced ideas off each other and hollered out educated guesses to each other while the instructor basically encouraged it. We were a HORRIBLE group to him. I felt bad. I couldn't believe I was stuck with these whiny, self-entitled [BEEP] disturbers who spent most of their time there taking selfies, checking their makeup in their phone cameras, and swearing like truckers. I chatted with them while I was there, but I wouldn't even want to give them the time of day outside of that building. Yikes! What an awful bunch. And what a strange thing, trying to assume the role of one of them when we had nothing in common.

Anyway. I bought myself some celebratory wine . I may not get past half a glass, though. I'm exhausted in more ways than one.

Aww Illusion this is so awesome!! We're all proud of you!!

[Monowheat]

Aww Illusion this is so awesome!! We're all proud of you!!

Quoted 'cause it's true! Well done!

[IllusionOfHappiness]

wow congrats on finishing the course, Illusion! The fact that you had to rely on meds doesn't change the fact that you were brave and you kicked anxiety's [BEEP] this time around. Having positive experiences like that one brings you closer to recovery, and soon you'll be able to do it with much lower doses of meds or even without any meds at all. I know it's hard to believe that, but you're still young - when you look back in a few months/years time you'll see how much you've improved. The more you put yourself out there the more confidence you'll gain (sounds cliché but it's the truth). The worst we can do to ourselves is not trying at all. So kudos for facing your fears, hun
Also, your ability to stay motivated to exercise regularly is something I really admire about you.
That glass of wine was well deserved!

Aww Illusion this is so awesome!! We're all proud of you!!

Quoted 'cause it's true! Well done!

D'awww thanks your guys ^_^ great big squishy hugs for all of you

It feels like less of an achievement because I was so medicated, but this was NOT a situation where I got to try to push my boundaries. I paid for the course out of my own pocket (sometimes your workplace will cover it etc.) and I didn't have the luxury of screwin around with my social skills. I just needed to be able to focus for those two days, hence the meds. All that mattered was passing. And I did that, so cheers .

And Kirse - you're right, the worst thing we can do to ourselves is not try at all. And I don't exercise nearly as much as I should, but that's because I'm held back a bit due to my fear of sciatica flare-ups. Always having a new song or two on my phone helps keep me motivated for daily walks. Sometimes exercising helps with my depression. Even if it helps just a little bit, it's worth it. Once depression's got ya, yer down for the count. Sooo I try to avoid that if at all possible!

Hugs again

[IllusionOfHappiness]

Got a nice walk in this evening. Switched my route up ever so slightly. I've still got to check out that nearby trail, but I will have to leave at least a half hour early to be there and back before dark. Maybe I'll try that tomorrow. I feel like I'd have a much better view of the sunset up there, anyway.

[Nightingale]

Reached out to a friend who's having a tough time. Made myself available to her to talk, even if she didn't have much time to take me up on it. I made sure she knew I was still available later, too. Not sure how much it may help, but I wanted to do something.

[L]

I made a plan for something annoying and made it less annoying

[IllusionOfHappiness]

Walked to the grocery store for a few items and didn't experience any anxiety. The usual "get me outta here" feeling, but it never progressed into me feeling like making a mad dash for the exit or anything.

[StoictSteve]

I found some candy I forgot I had heheheheh

[Monowheat]

I went to the job centre and signed off today. No more stressful weekly appointments where I get asked what the difference is between anxiety and depression.

I found some candy I forgot I had heheheheh

Little things can make your day sometimes.

Walked to the grocery store for a few items and didn't experience any anxiety. The usual "get me outta here" feeling, but it never progressed into me feeling like making a mad dash for the exit or anything.

Yay!

Reached out to a friend who's having a tough time. Made myself available to her to talk, even if she didn't have much time to take me up on it. I made sure she knew I was still available later, too. Not sure how much it may help, but I wanted to do something.

I'm sure just knowing you were there helped a lot.

[SmileyFace]

Did very well at work today all around. Work. Socializing. Being in a good mood.

[Kirsebaer]

Went to the gym, did 1 hour of cardio

[Koalafan]

Have a phone interview with Apple next weekend! *falls* This should be interesting