hock:
(^ Picture of fainted person)
hock:
(^ Picture of fainted person)
I've been crazy for so long, it's normal. D:
Oh that was just crazy talk.
The reeeeallllll 24/7 show is Power Rangers.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Thank you for that. I don't know Power Rangers but they cannot possibly be as bad as SS (it can't be coincidence that the abbreviation of Spongebob Squarepants is the same as that of the Schutzstaffel). Long live Power Rangers!
N.B. I'm sorry for bringing a Godwin to the crazy talk thread. But then, it was inevitable.
As long as it wasn't Oprah, then we're saved.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
"Where are we heading to?" she gasps, her endurance noticably put to the test by my spectacular fictional condition.
"I told you! Barcelona!"
"How do you ever want to get there?"
We hurry through the crumbling streets that look exactly the same as six days ago, and at the same moment, totally different. The direction we're heading in is totally random, but as long as we keep moving we must reach the edge of the orb sooner or later.
"How? With dolphins of course! I'll send out my thoughts to the queen. She managed to sendus those dolphins when we were in the middle of the Mediterranean, so this should be no problem for her."
We turn around a corner but what awaits is just another cluster of half perished alleys. Still, we just keep running.
"Daniel..."
"Yeah?"
"Uhm... when he was about to shot you I realised... uhm... I realised that I shouldn't have called you a weirdo. You're an eccentric, but not a weirdo. I'm uhm..."
"Sorry?"
"Well, not all the way to sorry. I just thought, uhm... I should let you know my formulation could have been slightly more appropriate."
"Thank you. But maybe it's not the right moment for exchanging apologies."
"I didn't say I was making you an apology."
"Whatever."
I can now clearly see one of the sides of the orb coming closer. We descend a long stairway, wriggle our way through some more alleys, and then, suddenly, feel our feet sink away in a deep layer of soft sand that stretches all the way to the edge of the shield. "Atlantis Beach," a musseled sign says, "please do not swim when the red flag is hoisted." To my relief, there is no red flag to be seen. In fact, the entire beach makes a slightly unattended impression. The only parasol that is still standing does so because it is encapsulated by a cocoon of extinct shellfish.
"I see no dolphins, Daniel."
"Let's give her some time. Maybe the dolphins are currently collecting a passenger on the other side of the Mediterranean."
We sit down in the sand, since the beach chairs look like sitting in them would be equal to signing your death penalty. A tense silence follows, in which I am remembered that, despite everything, I still have social anxiety. After some time I gather the courage to defy the cyan repose that surrounds us.
"You know, you're not the only one to apo... uhm, I mean, apply corrections in their previous behaviour. You know, I should have been honest with you eons ago. I mean... this entire story and all..."
The silence is stronger than my words. I break off.
"You know, Daniel. When they shot you - I mean, when I thought they shot you, I had my eyes closed. And then, when I opened them again and I saw Mark lying in the dirt with that old man behind him... just to say... that sight was totally worth it. Worth everything we've gone through so far."
"You know, it's almost over. When we're in Barcelona you can just take the train to... uhm... well..."
The cyan air takes on a painful semblance.
"I have nowhere to go, Daniel. So I'll stick with you. Out of necessity. Daniel, when Mark was talking about me, and the fish, what do you think..."
"I've been thinking about that as well. While we were running, I mean. Obviously Mark works for the aliens. The extraterrestrials, I mean. He got the mission to shoot me so that no one would learn about the extraterrestrials' scheme. Which means... You know, maybe he took over the role of the Atlanteans. The orbs... they grant Infinite Powers to all that possess them. Maybe he... I don't says he did it on purpose, but maybe his anger for you found its way to the fish that were... you know..."
"So it wasn't your fault after all. But then, what are we to do? The extraterrestrials will sure find another way."
I look right in front of me and in my eyes flickers a light of absolute determination. With a deep, echoing voice, I say: "We must stop them. We shall stop them."
"But in what way?"
"Well... at the moment that I was all but shot I remembered something. I was in Barcelona before, six days ago. I actually just came from Barcelona when I met you. Anyway, when I was there, I accidently ended up in a building somewhere along the Ramblas. And in that building I saw things... terrible things... the leaders of the world, reduced to puppets by the power of an infernal object."
"An orb? You think one of the orbs is in Barcelona?"
"I don't remember exactly. But I don't... it must have been an orb, yes. And I thought, if we can get our hands on it, then we might, I don't know..."
"That's your plan? Let the dolphins take us to Barcelona, take the Orb of Doom, and hope some metaphysical wonder appears? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be... it just seems there isn't a lot of hope for us."
"Hope? There never was much hope. Only a fool's hope." I am not concerned with copyright anymore. I survived an assassination attempt, I will be able to survive a charge for author's rights' infringement.
At that moment, however, my thoughts are stopped at the sight of some streamlined creatures looming from the distance. "The dolphins," I say, and I rise up from the sand. But as I walk towards the edge, I suddenly stop. The creatures that are coming closer are no dolphins.
Great installment Daniel C! I love the hint of romance. Darn that SA!! Have courage to tell her you're falling for her. I know she feels the same way.
Ok. Now I'm waiting for what's coming ashore!
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
The bear to the north drinks alone.
Unless it's a Tuesday. I think it's only the bears to the south on that day.
I might have to check Wiki on that one.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
For those who have not experienced the whole crazy talk syndrome................ bringing back the oldies
I wish Daniel C would go get his entire story and post it here. And we need Secretly Prententious's entire taxidermy business story here also. Then our Crazy Talk will be fully understood. Blossom had some amazing crazy talk also. We need to form some Crazy Talk alliance here. Vow to never make sense.......ever!!! and RawrJessiRawr and so many other great crazy talkers.
In the interest of humanity, humanity will be suspended until further notice.
Kumquats are the pox of humanity
I spy a bugger in my eye
I eat spongecake, therefore I am
Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again.
Ok first of all. Did they honestly think a horse had the thumbs to use a glue stick?
picture a kumquat
small
insecure
hoping to find love in the jello bowl
what do you get if you cross a water buffalo and a tiny yellow bubble??
seriously
i dont know
i was hoping you would
picture a man
licking and envelope
youve entered
the TWILIGHT ZONE!!!
the opposite of busy is
ysub
im sorry
im ysub
oh
thats ok
im ysub too
is that painful???
yes
im going to have it removed
nananathriller!!!! ninuna!!!nnakkannninnannnnanna nnaanathriller!!!!
my body lies over the ocean
my body lies over the sea
my body lies over the ocean
so bring back my body to me
huh?
peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked
i just said that!!!
geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????
my body lies over the ocean
my body lies over the sea
my body lies over the ocean
so bring back my body to me
huh?
peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
a peck of pickled peppers peter piper picked
i just said that!!!
geesh!!! are you the redundancy queen or what????
beam me up scotboy! my toupee has fleas and it needs a bath!!
dust bunnies talked to me
they told me stories about vacuum cleaners
scary stories
one time a vacuum cleaner ate a whole family of dust bunnies at one time!!!!
it was mass murder
when you yawn do you breath in or out?
i cant remember
i had a bunny
her name was dust bunny
for real
open shut them
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap
open shut them
open shut them
put them in your lap
creep them
creep them
creep them
creep them
right up to your chin
open up your little mouth
but do not let them in
no wonder kids are terrifed of storytime
people think lemons are bad
i beg to differ
its the cantaloupes that are ruining the world
pickles in the morning
olives for the night
lavender smells pretty
on truckers who merge right
this just in
the color red has been changed due to the economy shortages
it will now be considered blue
news at 11
so what IS tofu?
is it something we find between our toes?
i started to realize something but i got caught up in all the realization and realized it was useless to realize the realization. REALLY!
I'm randomly random in a random sort of way
nanananana
nanannan
nanananana
nananananana
OLE!!
i love you
you love me
were a happy family
with a great big hug
and a kiss from me to you
wont you say
you love me too
oh wait!! gotta barf! hold that thought
i got asparagus tips!!!! and liver!!!
1 + 1 = 485920202393575757 in an alternate universe
flaming flamingo tips batman!!!
do you ever listen closely to wash boards? they gossip about the ironing board.
primal scream therapy IS fun!!
i thought i was until i realized i was only thinking i was in a strange and unreliable moment of my wasness
does anybody need a bus schedule to munchkinland?
captain!!!!!!!!
i spot a klingon war bird headed in our direction!!!!!!
quick sulu!!!!!!
get the big patio window out and ready
spock!!!!
did you get those ears checked for airspace clearance yet???
uhura!!
get that stick out your ear already!!
its just downright nasty looking!
somebody!
get uhura a baby wipe to clean that thing off!!
chekov!!!!
quick!!
loan me your toupee!
mine doesnt have an accent!
expendable ensign number 2 in red shirt!!!
the commercials coming!!
die quickly!!
sir!!!!!
its babylon 5!!!!!
torpedos ready!!!!
holy moley!!!!!!
i dropped the toe smell atomizer cream!!!!
captain!!! there are munchkins armed with jello molds off the starboard bow!! orders captain???!!!!
load the full ton torpedoes!
should we fire captain??
wait for it
wait for it
fire!!!!
pffwwererrwatfffssssssmmmmmna..................
sir the torpedoes didnt fire
oh wait!! on screen!
bill cosby appears
he says
i asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook
ok ok!!!
i give up
the jello mold wins!!!!
ball point pens sneeze blue snot
why oh why cant we all lick an envelope???
hotdogs have no life
its so sad
much is the conundrum of discontent
but i digress
auntie em!! auntie em!!!!
where is uncle oh? where is uncle oh?
oh what i would give for a slice of cheese whiz
cant SOMEBODY get that text message????!!!!
this just in
a satellite reported that a man picking his nose can be seen from outer space
lets juggle machetes and see what happens!!
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra!
Gay your life must be
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gum drops he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
Leave some there for me
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Counting all the monkeys he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
That's not a monkey that's me
Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be
is it just me or does this rodent seem to have issues????
im melting
im melting
quick!!
get the flying monkeys to get a straw and a napkin!!!
i must go pick the lint from between my toes
its a dirty job but somebody has to do it
i mean
since the toe lint elves went on strike
i miss the elves
wait!!!
do you hear it???
the nasal rattle of tens of thousands of people with colds
wormhole suckage commence!!!
i seem to have lost my presence of mind
let me go get my metal detector
if you hold a cats tail does its head wag?
i totally did not know there was 500 lbs of powder in my back seat officer!!!
what is blue
has racing stripes
and sings show tunes?
believe me
you dont wanna know
once again i am offended by my own offensiveness
let me go offend myself for my offense
ranch dressing tastes like horses
cool ranch dressing tastes like horses with raybans
kumquats hate lucy ricardo
its true!!!!
i read it in the enquirer
a bucket of snot…..
what goes with red wine?
correct!!!! for 600 points
ive dined with klingons
ive tried to slow the rotation of the earth before
i failed
your reading skills scored a C-
better luck next time
i went to the grocery
they were all out of money
damn!!!
red hot chili peppers
what is a colon cleanse?
correct! for 300 points!
you know those olives that have been watching me???
one of them snuck outta the jar last night and climbed onto my pillow.
i opened my eyes and there it was breathing its pimento breath all over me
i screamed!!!!!
it got so scared it fell off the pillow and rolled under the bed.
but that was even scarier because NOW IT WAS UNDER MY BED!!!!!
so i called 911 and told them i had a stalker under my bed.
the cops busted in my door with guns ready.
i said ITS UNDER MY BED!!!!!
they started shooting 20s 40s M80s
they got it
right in the pimento
i have its remains mounted on my mantel
reality is not what its cracked up to be
pirates ate my watermelon
i think it was over ripe
they said arrrggg
telescopes have feelings too
i suppose when life gives you lemons you make lemonade
how about if i just suck the lemon juice out and throw the rinds at people
that would fun
and positive
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
pppppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssfffffffffffffff fffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now you have spit all over you
1 + 1 equals the square root of nothingness exceeded by only a fraction of yummy and creamy
first you take the peanuts and you crunch em you crunch em
then you take the grapes and squoosh em you squoosh em
then you take the bread and you spread it you spread it
HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!
did you wash your hands cause i have NO CLUE where them crunching and squooshing hands been
i have no circumference
a + b = c when the moon rises across cincinnati in the spring on a tuesday
otherwise it = d
kentucky fried chicken gave me chicken pox
ill sue!!!!
i wasnt sure about the crawfish until i asked it
who decided that itch was a good word???
when you feel something bothering you you should call it a phlurgle splot
it just sounds itchier
then you could say
hand me my phlurgle splot eradicator
if you say phlurgle splot eradicator 5 times really fast it says
foejaljdlfjdlre;kna;kjeejrewjajfreerewjrelwjrelwjr ewlrjewjrljlajjoeoieor3rqkndkngkgjapowfoawjrpoqwru 4o5
lets all go to munchkinland!!
1) pick up a string
2) tie the string around your big toe
3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
4) wait
if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
then put both of them on top a cheese cube
then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad
well
you got lunch!!
i told myself
that it wasnt myself
but then i argued with myself
on account of myself
stupid myself
i wasnt ready
finding belly button lint is my hobby
my liver itches
wont you be my neighbor???
NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!
1) pick up a string
2) tie the string around your big toe
3) tie the other end of the string to the nearest lamp post
4) wait
if you take an olive and put it on top of a pickle
then put both of them on top a cheese cube
then put all of them on top a raisin muffin
then put all of them on top a pile of spaghetti
then put all of them on top of a great big ceasar salad
well
you got lunch!!
i told myself
that it wasnt myself
but then i argued with myself
on account of myself
stupid myself
i wasnt ready
finding belly button lint is my hobby
my liver itches
wont you be my neighbor???
NO! CREEPY MAN!!! get outta my begonia bed!!!!!
i had it captain!!!!
it was right there in the palm of my hand!!!!
a klingon bugger!!!!
unfortunately it got away
oh no captain!!!!! the enemy has us in his tractor beam!
hailing frequency
on screen
greetings earthling...........................
you have made me very very angry
quick!!!
arm the torpedo tube!!!!
we dont have any torpedos left sir!!!
here!!!
take this kiwi
hes been gaseous!!!
brilliant captain!!! chemical warfare!!!!
the kiwi got stuck in the tube captain!
here!!! take this cow and see if he can blow him out the jeffries tube
the kiw passed out from the cow’s breath captain. he had too much coffee this morning.
well do something man!!!!!
the enemy is arming his weapons!!!!
shields up!!!!!!
hes fired sir!!!!
*shaking shaking shaking ensign #2 falls to floor captain leans to the left leans to the right of his chair deanna falls to the floor in a graceful swoon data yells captain!!! theyre attacking!!!
give me raisins
sorry commercial break
my cell phone is ringing!!!!! oh!!!! the humanity!!!!!!!!!
good
it stopped
kinda creepy how it does that
why does mr rogers need running shoes and a sweater in his house?
if only i had a brain/heart/courage/lots of money and a yacht
if you lick a lollipop kid do you go to jail?
a house dropped on my cat.
a girl and a dog got out.
the girl said well hi im dorothy. And ewwwww oh im sorry.
i shot her.
the end.
hi ho hi ho its off to work we go
doesnt snow white get pissed that the dwarfs keep calling her a ho?
i just want to know one thing.
how can cinderellas shoe size be THAT different from everybody in the land. i mean if its that bizarre where does she buy shoes?
and another thing.
dont ya think its a bit odd that rumplestiltskin wanted a baby? seems like the chick coulda called cps or something.
oh toto
theres no place like home
captain!!!! theres something up ahead
on screen sulu!!
eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spock!!
any idea what were dealing with???
it looks like an eggplant with a stick captain.
I believe it’s a kiwi
whats it doing spock????
let me punch in some information on my console that blinks and flashes with whirly sounds
i believe its staring at a wad of belly lint captain
sir!!!!! its moving!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he ate it!!!!!!!
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
get us outta here chekov before we hurl!!!
if its called stop watch why do you keep watching it??????
STOP!!!!!
raggedy ann to raggedy andy - stuff it!!!
if everybody on the planet blows in one direction at the same time will the earth spin faster?
watch!!
did you see it???
I left a trail of fairy dust where i was
if happy little bluebirds sing beyond the rainbow
why o why cant i ?
well
1 you cant carry a tune
2 you cant get to the other side of a rainbow dufus
3 your not a bird
no i did not steal the gum off your shoe
i stole it off the bus stop seat
captain
alls quiet on the western quadrant
update spock
well sir
there seems to be a vast blackness out there
no stars
no planets
no people
oh wait!!! i see something
its a giant olive!!!!!
a giant olive spock?
report!!!
well sir
its green
with a stuffing of pimento
and its HUGE!!!!!!
wait!!!
somethings happening!!!
the pimento!!!!
look!!!!!!!
its unscrewing!!!!!!!
oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its hideous!!!!!!!!!!!!
probe it spock
ewwww!!!!
im not probing that thing!!
YOU probe it!!!
sulu!!!!
gloves!!!!!!
evil spelled backwards is live
bad spelled backwards is dab
devil spelled backwards is lived
mad spelled backwards is dam
sppuurrlffffttttttt spelled backwards is just silly
if you run in place does time stand still?
it is DEFINITELY further to new york or by boat
i looked it up on wiki
do angel fish have wings?
are we there yet?
i dont think i look like myself. i think i look like the mailmans brothers sister in law twice removed
have you ever tried to stuff your head in a mailbox?
it dont fit
i looked up one day and saw an airplane heading straight for me
can you think in backwards?
if you’re on a train and an airplane hits you...................its a bad day
oh............
look at the cute children playing...........
my bad............it was a rock
time for a contacts change
i signed a petition to make candy canes plaid
i did the math
the earth disintegrated into a black hole 3 years ago
oh dear what could the matter be?
oh dear what could the matter be?
oh dear what could the matter be?
your standing on my foot you doofus!
if i turn my eyelids inside out can i see inside my brain?
i sneezed because my knees had fleas
oh please your knees had fleas?
dont tease
go eat some cheese
before the freeze
i need to sneeze
my brain took a right turn when it shoulda veered left
my eyeballs crashed
squid need love too
honest officer................
i didnt see that stop sign
it was behind the red light
my cat is scanning her feet
when the big hand is on the 2 and the little hand is on the 6 that means something
if you crossed a cantaloupe and a banana you get a cantanana
cantanana - spanish word that means blowing up cheetos
they dragged up the shrimp net captain
why did we need a new mexico?? the old one was just fine
and where is old york or old jersey??
somebody needs to start explaining these things
if our big toe was on the outside of our feet rather than the inside we could take corners sharper
if you leave your tongue hanging out your mouth all day does it pick up lint?
if you keep doing this your face will get stuck
when you snort cotton balls your brain gets fluffy
SOMEBODY get that man gravity!!!
watch
see it????
there it is again
your brain on glue sticks
my email will kick your emails butt anyday
i dont need this abuse!!!!!
yes i do
its fun
and creamy
telescopes talk to me
they whisper showtunes
let’s all be slugs?
they seem fine
they ooze
and leave slime
it would make life so simple
theyd be slime trails all over the place
people could say
hey slimeball!!!
and it would be ok
and wed all look the same
like squooshy raindrops with antennas
very attractive
lamps can be quite entertaining
they have bright ideas
they have dark days and light days
sometimes for no reason at all
theyll just blow their brains out
then you just replace them
its kinda sad
dinnerware are not as exciting to talk to
they just kinda sit there and match
i wonder what would happen if the dish really did run away with the spoon
I have always liked clocks
yeah clocks can be real sociable
their always on time to events
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
clouds discuss politics
skyscrapers are fascinating when wet
there it is again!!!!!
air!!!!
see it???!!!!!
arm pit hair can be very attractive on antelope
justification of extrapolated equivalent periscopes never cease to amaze the masses of brooklyn
turtle mustard pie!
yum!
shhhh!!!!!
antelope use their clipped nose hairs for mattress stuffing.
sh! pass it on!
Shhh!!!
People shouldn't be gossiping!
Sh!! Pass it on!
And btw
I heard that cows only change their socks once a month. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!
Sh! Pass it on!!
shh!!!! well i heard that librarians really hate kids and secretly want to tie them to flag poles during a hail storm
shh!! pass it on!!
See how easy it is to drop a cow on a martian?
im reporting you to PETA!!!
whats a clipboard?
i dont mean the thingys that hold the paper
theres a thing on the computer that says somethings on the clipboard
wheres this clipboard??!!! does it hold paper?? and how authorized it to hold my papers???
oh! the conspiracy!!!!
no said the munchkin
the world has 8 sides!!!
count them!!!!
why oh why do the pigeons try??????
are you referring to the massive tic tac in the drawer????
how rude!!!!
i am not at liberty to be liberated thank you
i came
i conquered
i scrapbooked it
is there a minimus?
open shut them
open shut them
give a little clap clap clap
dont you need drugs to clear that up?????
i know
im bad
im bad
im really really bad
uh huh!!
the dandelions revolted today
they insulted the marigolds
owa
translation please
i o wa
i owe something.........not sure
correct!!! for 200 points
then the placemat decided to evacuate
it wasnt pretty
june
did you beat the children before they went to bed
yes ward
then there was one lantern
two tripods
and a magic mixer
it was quite magical
this just in
ceiling fans go in circles
OH! THE HUMANITY!!!
the species is about to be destroyed
news at 11
i hear it!!!!
the joyful sound of the garbage truck!!!!
HALLELUJAH!!!
in the universe before time
god said
i sure could use a waffle right about now
and to think the jello solidified for THAT!!!
there is just so much lemon pledge that one can sniff
it isnt due until monday sir!!!
thats not good enough soldier!!!!
shine those tooth brushes now!!!!
in the dawn of time
the sunset was preparing for its dramatic scene
what??
you dont believe it????
watch!!!!!
see?????
watch it again!!!
see this time??????
no??????
your just not looking close enough!!!
there it is again!!!!!!!!!!
atoms!!!!!
torpedos ready sir!!!!!!!
wait for it!!!
wait for it!!!!!!!!!!
now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dead butterfly
its just not creamy enough until the surface turns bluish brownish green and smells
ravioli
we like ravioli
macaroni
stuffed with blue toe cheese
its not whether you win or lose
its who got kicked in the balls that counts
my bad
in the interest of preserving humanity
air will rationed
people in new jersey will get air on weds fridays tuesdays and sundays
people in missouri will get it on mondays thursdays and saturdays
people in texas
just hold your breath
then the munchkins hung Dorothy
it was quite sad to watch
lets all start a bugger collection
it will be fun!!!!
it doesnt matter what life holds
now if i only knew what i meant by that
it would mean something
then the ravenous seaweed attacked
when the cantaloupe held a town meeting they decided that watermelons should be used as jack o lanterns rather than pumpkins
a riot ensued in the town hall
seeds were everywhere!!!
what if the temperature reached 106 then went to 0 then to 106 all in the same day?????
that would hurt
then ninjas ate the microphone
when in reality
it surely isnt trashday
that was last week
are you in deep thought????
try flushing your brain with drano
in the interest of mankind
sponges will be octogon from now on
thank you
why didnt we see it coming??????
my my john boy
ate that whole olive did ya now??
go ahead
get to the woodshed
ill be there shortly with my sledge hammer
live on channel 8
little house on the prairie a hoax
waltons live in a condo
i see trees of green
red roses too
i see them bloom for me and you
and i think to myself
where am i??
i truly believe that barney would make a great president
i mean look
i love you you love me were a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too
sounds pretty good to me
then the chicken got pox
it was quite disturbing
this just in
an asteroid bigger than texas is hurling towards the earth at this very second
what?
oh
sorry ladies and gentlemen
the story should read
a small child threw a wad of gum at a texan
my bad
then the cantaloupe said
stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what?
cantaloupes dont talk
yes they do
who said?
that carrot over there
but carrots dont talk either
oh
there is no such thing as air
i promise
its a hoax
just like water
jack sprat could eat no fat
his wife could eat no lean
and so between them both
they ate instead a spleen
eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
you know the little sprinkles on cupcakes?
those are sugared rat dust
it didnt take long for the asparagus to dry out
there wasnt but 30 countries in the whole confederate military that eradicated the antelope
one of those words doesnt belong there
one of those words is kinda insane
one of those words doesnt belong there
now its time to lay the blame
its time to lay the blame
they roasted the marigolds live!!!!!!
just when you thought it was safe to wash your dishes!
justification of juxtapositions are just wrong
lets all make thursday a holiday!!
we can call it THAT DAY!
we can celebrate with balloons pinatas and mushroom sauce
jungle boogie
jungle boogie
jungle boogie
did anybody get pictures?????
it is a known fact that ranch dressing tastes like chicken
the cow jumped over the butterfly
then when it realized it mistake
it backed over it
there just isnt enough jello pudding to save the planet
there just isnt
what has 8 legs and drives a ferrari?
you dont wanna know
somewhere in the galaxy of cyberspace lies a jumbo box of raisinettes
stardate 7484.9606022263827575750022222 1/2
alls quiet here out in space
weve allied with the klingons
intimidated the romulans
confused the borg
and conquered the planet of disturbed kiwis
our next mission is to free cyberspace from unwanted nosehair photos. it has come to our attention that there are many google images of nose hair photos.
this madness must be stopped!!!!
were setting the coordinates now
sulu!! anything out there???!!!
nothing yet sir!!!
oh wait!!!
i hear a ping!!!!
captain!!!!!!!
antelope!!!! off the starboard bow!!!!
shields up!!!!!!
arm the torpedos!!!!!
drat!!!!
I thought we exterminated them!!!!
captain
should we open a channel??
open a channel???
huh?
like dig a canal?????
no captain!!!! focus!!!!! talk to it!!!!!!
no ahura. i hear if you talk to them your ears bleed.
captain. qwitter on da screen
thank you chekov!! and go to speech therapy will ya???? thanks!!!!
greetings earth creature!!!!
you have invaded our cyberspace.
you have broken the human vs antelope / the antelope vs human treaty by showing your presence in this cyberspace thread.
now all heck must ensue
ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffff ffftttttttttttttttttttttt
sir!!!!
it has come to our knowledge that antelope have a weakness
oh no captain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they launched a spit bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brace for impact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow!!! that was close!!!!!! they missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
have a space clean up crew clean that up later!!
so spock?? whats their weakness???
their deranged!!!!
they think their birds and not antelope!!!
is that right spock??? hmmm??? maybe we can use their insanity against them
sneak attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
they beamed right into our jeffry tubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
and one beamed into the latrine. i think it was their leader
quick worf!!!!!
get as much RAID as you can find
were going on an antelope kill!!!!
and get a few cans of lysol
the smell is getting unbearable!!!!!
Quick troops, stock up on beans and asparagus.
We will take over soon enough!
should we use the fact that their crazy sir??
we might be able to get deanna troi to sense their deepest fears then faint
or spock can mind meld with them and scream dramatically!
oh no captain!!!
our spies disclose that they are eating beans and asparugus!!
chemical warfare!!!
red alert!!!!!
gas masks on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now
be vwey vwey qwiet
i think their right around the corner
deanna
do you sense their presence?
i sense much fear because they know they will be exterminated
i sense much resentment because they know we humans are superior
i sense much confusion because they took a wrong turn at uranus and thought they were headed for the crab nebula
they were going out for lunch.
lets flush them outta their hiding spot
freeze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
commander of the cyberspace thread is lurking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
everybody!!!!!
act casual!!!!
oh no!!!!
sir!!!!!
the antelope are on board!!! They have farted in our general direction!!!!!
damn it spock!!! if ive told you once ive told you a million times!!!
no bad news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only happy fluffy news!!!!
please!!!
captain!!!
368 crewmen dead!!!!!
weve taken a bad hit!!!!
mccoy!!!!
tend to these soldiers quick!!!!!!
damn it captain!!!!!
im a doctor!!!!
not a ....................oh wait..................
scotty!!!!!
shoot that cow at them as one last sign that we WILL be victorious!!!
ppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssffffffffffffffffffff fttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!
Incoming COW!!!
Evasive maneuvers
MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO???????????????
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just in the nick of time the trash compactor ate the crock pot!
the end
8 legged trash compactor
2
arachnid
2
wiki
2
greek
2
togas
2
drunks in gutters
2
rolling them for change
its all perfectly logical
your the one who lost your place sir
want a bookmark???
no comprende senor la rodent
localized marijuana smokers bake cakes
news at 11
in the interest of humanity
humanity will begin to get interesting
i think hyperboles are overrated
then the apricot bit the dust
there is an overwhelming surge of stupidity running rampant in the humanity closet
oxygen is never entertaining
stones will help in the adjustment of circular thought
alienation of synaptic overload helps the ongoing tendency to fulfill randomness
jump starting total atmospheric anomalies isnt easy
when in doubt
vomit
the use of verbs is quite disturbing
it doesnt help life to breath
just hold it
in the scheme of life humans rate below cotton balls
joy
justice
and jugular veins
you decide
Hey Secretly Pretentious!!!! I can only edit now, but I think you should take your art exhibit on the road. I feel such a masterpiece of achievement deserves more than just latex gloves and condoms in a backroom.
Well, we might be able to work the condoms into the feng shui arrangement
then the mushrooms grew bigger and bigger and bigger until they took over cleveland
news at 11
it isnt always the pumpkin that makes the cocktail sauce
spewing red sauce all over the counter is a fun craft idea for small children
now the universe can belong to only the inner sphere of reality and life as a kumquat
good times
in the interest of mankind
there will no longer be mankind
just some oozy dust and windchimes
coughing up the antelope was not fun
guided miscalculations of brain waves is always conducive to making people go away
not belonging to the human race can save time
individual consciousness is a choice
touching is such a touchy subject
i think therefore putt putt no longer exists in a spatial environment
it never used to need brill cream
whats up with that??
today is suicidal squirrel day
enjoy!
then the eggs leaped off the counter
ran across the room
and splattered all over the wall
so i called 911 and said
the eggs leaped off the countrer
ran across the room
and splattered all over the wall
they were not amused
it just seems like jellyfish could try a little harder
thats all im saying
i switched brain pattern providers
my last company wasnt professional
obviously the pattern for humanity is to have a purpose
unfortunately the purpose of humanity is to follow an obvious pattern
i choose to pattern humanity with an obvious purpose
and be done with it
purposely and obviously
telling time does not help time travel
just ignore the little hand
inside outsiders have inside information
sometimes
special skills seem to be needed for sitting
maybe there should be a course
i am not inclined to elevate breathing to a high priority status
in a tidy little antelope world
angels coexist with bunnies
then when the farmers come into the picture
whap!!!
it couldnt be helped
they thought they were fig newtons
it just seems wrong to believe in the power of arm pit hair
i totally did not see that semi coming up the road
yes i know i put the little squirrel in the middle of the road
officer
he asked me to
hes been depressed
indecent insightfulness is indecently insightful
cotton balls cannot help their offensiveness
they were bred to be offensive
it doesnt matter if molecules exist
it only matters if hamstercules exist
geesh!
coexistence is only relevant when you need someone to help you move
jovial interludes stop so many stuffy paperweights
yes
oatmeal does taste like chicken
and once again
humanity feels the need to join the human race
its just so frustrating
open discussion of depressing situations is always fun
pleasant surprises always make me wanna puke
puking on the other hand is quite the pleasant surprise
its totally indescribable
what is toilet tissue?
correct! for 500 points
in the interest of helicopters
i would like to share this poem
oh helicopter
oh helicopter
you make nice whirly sounds
oh helicopter
oh helicopter
as you hurl out of control to the ground
this just in
cat puts furry tail in my face for 368th time
subsupimgurllistquotecodeflash
ah! now i feel so much better
its not about the oxygen
its about the carbon dioxide
geesh!!
radicals!!!!
yes there are many points! didnt you read the rules???? you get 5 points for making snide remarks............20 for saying ppppppppppssssssssssfffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt tt!!!!!!!!!!! and 50 bonus points for saying whatever to small children and nuns. your just gonna have to stay after school and learn how to do this right. man!!! do i have to spell EVERYTHING out????!!!!!!!!!!!!
shhhh!!!
im planning an armadillo attack
unfortunately i have to wait like 400 hours to do it
but it WILL happen!!
and it aint gonna be pretty!!!
ah!!! he has come to fight the dead armadillos with his sword again!!
its roadkill warrior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this just in
all people named george will now be named jello
jello will now be named george
and to think gilligan didnt like asparagus
if only he did
if only he did
joy to the world
the corn is borled
da helicopter
da helicopter!
its not whether you win or lose
its how you cheat lie and steal
different
the elves took the keys and drove the car to las vegas
then they won 468 dollars playing craps
then they drove to the grand canyon and starting singing show tunes
it was a jolly good time
the cheeseball incident was tragic.
no survivors
news at 11
then a tornado swept up dorothy and toto and dropped them at walmart!
and they walked right under a sign when the prices dropped
it speared dorothy in the head
toto survived with a flesh wound
and now.........
the dinosaur polka
sound the alarms!!!
battle stations!!!
spock
status
there seems to be a guy in a red and white suit and a bunch of reindeer off the starboard bow
open a channel
um
may i help you??
youve been bad kirk
very bad
industrial strength surgical socks
get some today
and now a quiet interlude
there!!!
wasnt that worth it???
juxtapositions of incarcerated refractions is quite painful
im told.
its roadkill warrior lady!!!!!
wait!!!
ill go get my spatula
wait!!!!
a semi!!!!!
its headed straight for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
duck roadkill lady!!!!
duck!!!!!
then roadkill warrior lady lived happily ever after
fighting priuses everywhere
yeah roadkill warrior lady!!!!
its never impossible until the possible says it is
individual shrimp in shrimp scampi have varying opinions about the cheese sauce
what do you get if you cross a cucumber and a llama?
you get lumber
so go out and build your house with llamas and cucumbers today!
square pegs must fit in round holes in order to ease the tension in jamaica
really?
no not really!!!
arent you paying attention???!!!
when the earth cooled
silly string formed
quick!!! get that man some visine!!
its really more of a geography question dont ya think??
so do all endangered species run across the road??
see! i was walking down the road when all of a sudden a spaceship lands and this flying purple people eater gets out and pukes up all these people. then he got back in his spaceship and took off. he musta been car sick.
its a known fact that certain types of bookkeepers use green pens.
i know! its criminal!!
define criminal.
well their creamy thats what he cr is for
and they like to look in your eye and thats what the i is for
and they rob mi and thats what the mi is for
and they
oh wait
let me start over
no!!!
in the interest of national security a law has been made that forces people to put their toilet paper going over the top rather than under the bottom when unrolling. the white house has a comment now.
my fellow americans. i know this sucks. live with it!!!
the end.
thank you mr president.
we will now return you to the movie rawhide vs godzilla
i saw a much walked valley
so i put up a condo
see there was this guy and he was hit by a meteorite
right over there
see?
yeah
i know you can only see his nikes sticking out
quick
lets steal them
in the interest of womankind
men will be slapped senseless if they snore
i just think that jello pudding is obscene
thats all
people need to listen to the marigolds
they speak wisdom
it doesnt matter which telephone you use
they all fry your brain with microwaves
then your head falls off
and a fine layer of crust develops over your neck
ewwwwwwwwwww!!
random people wander randomly until they get hit by a bus
joyous celebration happens in small rooms with no ventilation
hanging up laundry is really a conspiracy practiced by pagan dirt mongers
antelope run free because they belong to a union
then the parrot choked to death
so sad
nobody knew how to give beak to mouth resuscitation
then the feet went sour
many were disturbed
this just in
2 + 4 = 7
news at 11
freshly made shoe polish
yum!
now quick!!!!
lay low!!!!
no reason
just wanted to see if you would do it
its never about trigonometry
why is that?
what if the alphabet only had vowels?
would cat be spelled aoaiaiaeeuu?
it just doesnt seem right
juicers
this just in
oops my bad
it went out
time stands still for no one
what if the battery dies
then the ostrich ate the beanstalk
causing jack to crash down to the earth at 40 miles an hour
news at 11
tip toe
tip toe
tip toe
tip toe
ouch
tip toe
tip toe
tip toe
fluffy pants are really creamy!!
totally tacit textures truly taste good
my my mr smith
you cant actually expect us to believe your watermelon just burst at the seams like you say
then there were the chickens
sad
so very sad
i didnt do it!!
i swear!!
it was the carpet cleaner!!!
when you see an antelope
next time
just give it a great big hug
it will appreciate it
when life seems a bit unfair
explode
it feels so good
especially the crunchy and chewy parts
kittens ate my blender
we gave them yogurt to clean them out
why oh why do i bother cleaning the lint between my toes!!!
turtle wax is unlawful
just in time for the flogging!!
quick get the popcorn!
i suppose life is just aching for kumquats
I almost miss the motion sickness
Shh!! lurking lurkers lurking
quick clem!!!!
get the night goggles!!
Watch
darkness
aint it cool??
just when you thought it was safe to play with hand grenades
geesh!
twinkle twinkle
little star
picture a kumquat
at a bar
jolly old st sasquash
smoked hashish
and burped a lot
he sat on an elf
barfed on a shelf
and crashed his Civic
while snorting pot
(my holiday song)
just in time for the flute punch
its not about seasoned bread fruit
just in case the world ends tonight
i bought scotch tape
then eeny meeney miney mo
torched his toe in a slow mo flow
duct tape amasses great feats of strength from all the quacking energy
sh!
the pigeons!!
they are restless!
inquisitive minds are nosy
jiggle the keys up and down three times
and then do a pirouette
if that doesnt work
bark loudly
this just in
aliens have landed in new york
and now back to our show
chickens do the darnedest things
just in time for the reindeer polka
yum
there once was a pizza
and a boy scout troop
it was tragic
and gory
and creamy
schmitty!!!!!
oops! im sorry.
i thought you cursed.
my bad
christmas lights will make you go blind
its true
i saw it
and so did the 10000 blind elves
its not about postulating plurals
its about circumcising random penguins
big difference
post apocalyptic aspirations are the prime achievement one can make
its even bigger than deep frying raisins
why does orange juice have to be orange?
just once i want to have blue orange juice
is that too much to ask!!???
in the interest of penguin kind
ice will remain cold
purple people should be eaten by one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters
its only right
stop!!!!!!
ok
go
lets freeze fire and see what happens
still in the mist of all the chaos somebody smelled old spice
the downright interesting part of the whole ensemble was the scratching post.
never underestimate a scratching post
gotta run
left a coconut baking in the oven
groundhogs told me the earth spun 10 degress askew while i wasnt looking. i thought i felt something
plaid with pompoms
i thought i smelled artichokes
SPOCK!!!!
scotty beamed me into a fruitcake!!!!!
wwwwwaaawwasannwwannanwwwannwanwnwnanwnn!!!!!
the sound of a man being hit with a rake in outer space
i cant feel my toes captain!!!!
so stop whining
hold your breathe
and take your space suit off dummy!!!
Butter with ranch dip
now take 3 bites hold it over your head and recite the abcs backwards 3 times really fast
zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba
while spinning counterclockwise
*in a mr rogers voice*
did you barf??
i thought you would
Engines ready sir.
Engage!!!!
Stardate 485.2984
We are headed into Romulan space. We know we're not supposed to be here.
But we're being vewy vewy quiet.
we have just beamed to an alien planet
earth atmosphere
spock mccoy a random guy in a red shirt who will get killed before the first commercial and i are searching for alien life.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there goes the guy
darn!!! and i liked his hairdo
i forgot my presence of essence
stardate 43268900.39533
its been awhile since the borg have tried to assimilate us
we wonder if their energizer bunny has run down
sulu
coordinates
we are headed to what seems to be a small island sir
full speed ahead
sir
approaching a lagoon
full stop
random ensign who will only be in this one episode! take the helm
spock
mccoy
sulu
checkov
ahura
scotty
even though its insane for the entire top crew to beam down a search party
oh what the hell
lets go see
beam us down random transporter room guy
bzzsszzzzzsssss................
damned that random transporter room guy!!!
he forgot to beam down my pants!!
i try and i try and i try captain to get your approval
but nnnnoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
shhhh!!!
everybody!
act casual!
hide behind this coconut
look!!! someones coming!!!
its some skinny guy with a funky white hat captain!!
everybody
look like a palm frond!
gilligan!!! oh gilligan!!!!
yes skipper??
gilligan! did you tie up those two bamboo sticks like i asked?
yes i did skipper.
well you mistakenly tied up the professor with them. now go untie him immediately! he was working on that coconut
nuclear reactor and doesnt have time to be tied up
yes skipper
did you hear that sir?
their building a nuclear reactor
i knew it spock!
alien *******s!!
spock!!!
watch your language!! this is a g rated show.
sorry captain. im feeling a little amokish today.
thats fine
just focus!!
yes captain
captain!!! someones coming!!!
its two girls!
ginger? do you ever think ill find a boyfriend while im here stuck on this island?
to be honest maryann.............you got no chance
i mean mr howell is married
the professor has his nose in books all the time
the skippers too old for you
and gilligan
well you just dont wanna procreate that species now do ya?
i suppose not
oh i wish i could find a tall green guy with pointy ears and no personality
someday maryann
someday
captain
did you hear that?
there are several people on this island
quick!
everyone!
phasers ready!!
its not about the cheese whiz
who said that commercial could interrupt us?
just a thought captain
what if these people have already built that nuclear reactor?
they could be a threat
great scott scotty!!
great thinking!!
now well have to just annihilate them without question
set phasers to obliteration!!!!
someone else is coming sir!!
everyone!!!
put your cloaking device over your head
checkov!!!! your shoes are showing!!!!
sowwy sir!
but lovey darling
we can never have too much money
oh thurston
your such a hero
did you hear that spock???
they have money!
but we dont use money in outer space captain. its useless.
i know spock.
but still.
im just jealous anyway.
I know captain. you just dont like playing fair.
sadly spock. its true.
set phasers on slushy.
attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
blood
guts
violence
pssfffsstkksssskkeeeffffsstttt sounds
screams
censored moments
ooze
stardate 33899283833.533
i was the only one who survived the island attack
it was brutal
spock married maryann and lived happily ever after on a distant asteroid
ahura married the professor and he finally was able to get that stick thingy outta her ear
the skipper and scotty struck up a friendship and went out for a pint of ale
chekov and gilligan have been sitting in the same spot going wemington. huh? wemington. huh? wemington. huh?
sulu sliced up mr and mrs howell with his samurai sword
and mccoy finally was able to surgically remove gingers tight dress
im all alone now in space
drifting aimlessly with no crew
i think ill go see whats happening with my old buddy jean luc picard
random transporter guy
beam me over to that other enterprise
bbzzzfeefffttteeetttvvgggffftgttsstt!!!
dang!!! you left my shoes again scot boy!!!
oh well
good thing i packed another set
stardate553993939.5
all quiet in cyberspace
it makes me vwey vwey nervous
captain do you want me to warp to earth to see whats going on there??
aye sulu
closing in on north america captain
steady sulu
we dont want the boss seeing us
hell know were goofing off from our mission
aye captain
putting on the cloaking device
sh!!!
everybody!!
breathe in slo mo!!
um captain
yes spock?
they cant hear us breathe from earth
oh
right!
i was just testing you
*whispers* kumquat
I HEARD THAT!!
ahura open a frequency
deep fried cheese worms
breakfast of champions
in the beginning the earth cooled
the dinosaurs decided it was a good time to break open the good china
just because life gets complicated does not mean its time to pull out the life vest
pots have a way of mingling uncontrollably
join us now in song
oh the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
aint what she used to be
aint what she used to be
the old grey mare she aint what she used to be
so she botoxed all day long
in the end
the earth warmed
ants in your pants
cant dance
joyful jiggling jello
got a bum rap
its not about the essence
just the ooze
roads go up
roads go down
roads go round and round
ok thats making me sick
in the interest of essence
all exposure to life lessons will be suspended temporarily
the closest thing to atmosphere can be really important
just in time for pancakes and jelly beans!
captain picard!!
unidentified captain approaching ship sir!!!
its captain kirk coming for a visit!!!
full ton torpedos!!!!
fire!!!!!
in the interest of zucchini
the squash confessed to the crime
just when you thought it was safe to dislocate a shoulder
totally useless watermelons
its truly sad
why oh why cant goldfish just get along???
yes!!!
its the giant lamp sale!!!
oh happy day
oozy yellow slime makes a great dinner companion
its creamy
then the little teacup said to the big teacup
no!!!
not the beans!!
if i cared to do the math
i would
then the little girl ate the spaghetti octopus and lived happily ever after
the end
just so you know
kumquat season has started
yep
you can shoot those little suckers to your hearts content
it really wasnt special until the jello hardened.
then it became priceless
just so you know again
the top of a blue pen can be chewed
then they started screaming loudly in the bank parking lot
not pretty
the pedestrians were appalled
its really not fair the way pigeons are treated
supercalifragilisticexpealadociaous
my spelling of the word above is something quite atrocious
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
cat biting my fingers as i type!!!
hello!!! not a hotdog!!!
now fuzzbutt in my face
better
now where was i?
where am i?
who am i?
what am i?
sorry the needle got stuck
much ado about nuthin
what is ado??
is it like a do?
like a hairstyle?
bored cats are redundant
just when life wants to grab you around the neck and choke the living **** outta ya
theres a commercial
im not sure the sponsor agrees
just so you know
the sun is not cool
why is pluto not a planet?
did he get expelled?
i am therefore i was a week ago
justice prevails in vail colorado but only in the winter of 2009 before the frost set in
is there some kind of cat rule that says putting their tail in a persons face is acceptable???!!!
there is a sleeping snoring orange right above here. and a guy in sunglasses. and some crying green dude. explain.
ok.
the orange guy choked on an orange and dropped dead and his skin turned orange cause he dropped dead in the sun.
the other orange guy in sunglasses saw the dead guy and smiled at first then turned green from the site and cried.
it all makes sense.
whats the red hand with the thumb up about?
hit it with a hammer??
i wish people had whiskers like cats. then we wouldnt run into door frames when we rush.
i wonder what pickle casserole tastes like
i saw this bird once
its barney!!!!
no sorry
it was a giant purple hedgehog
my mistake
totally opposite of an ice pick
if you saved all the belly button lint of 10000 people would you be able to feed a nation?
then the first man on the moon slapped the second man
in slow mo
blue cheese is scary
running
running
running
splat!!
ouch
its not just about the over escalating misconceptions that boggle the mind as much as the inability to dictate grand numerical cocktail parties
is it possible to roll jello into a ball?
just because i said so
arent you the least bit concerned that the sun will instantly erupt a solar flare and cook your brain?
just when you thought it was safe to squeeze turnips
inside this little box lies the secrets of the universe
oops!!!
no!!!! you werent supposed to open it!
now you let it out and it flew away
good going dimrod!!!
now the secrets of the universe are floating around the planet
in the interest of dogkind
i would like to say
stop peeing on my front lawn
its a rare thing to see flocks of elephants
yellow asparagus is scary
how many hs can you use to spell cantalope?
then again asteroids can be a problem
just put it in the closet and lets go
its sticking out
go get the safety scissors
or a sledgehammer
im not sure what splendid wads of toilet tissue really means
it just doesnt happen because we want it to
then again they do have a life of their own
i need more nyquil to really catch the flavor
whats a lethal dose of nyquil?
if you take nyquil during the day what will happen?
its not supposed to happen spontaneously
just a gradual ooze then
must be the antelope
the antelope
ate the cantalope
because he could not elope
nope
he was at the end of his rope
didnt even smoke dope
started to mope
talked it out with the pope
put it all in scope
lost his hope
went out and bought soap
poor dope
the jelly bean
made a scene
and got real mean
oh no
he beat up sucker
and a trucker
you thought i was gonna be rude didnt you?
in the interest of mankind there will be no other planets decommissioned
thank you
antartica was discovered to be chilly
it wasnt about the penguins!!
i promise!!
just because obi wan said so is not good enough!!
han solo associates with rednecks
looky wookie!!!
a little nookie!!!
if c3po and r2d2 got married what letters and numbers would they be?
i didnt do it captain!!!
blame the droid!
listen.............
here it??
the sound of nothing
and now for something completely random
i dont mean to complain captain
but your standing on my hand
well why is your hand on the floor ensign???
well actually no its on the console
just because the tambourine man it doesnt mean you have to do it too
ice cream truck drivers sell drugs
really
its true
what happened when the nun crossed the street?
no
its not about the earth rotating in a clockwise/counterclockwise/circular/random way
it really isnt
join in the chorus of rugby body snatchers
if you only make right turns and never a left
will you end up where you started?
im opposed to triangles
they’re so obtuse
with an acute case of 90 degree superiority
fewer fever moments make boring bedfellows
it wasnt until the squirrel incident that people started getting vaccinated for stupidity
and then there was 1 + 1
with my brain power i will make that other person disappear
dang!!
still there
let me try mind melding
dang!!!
still lurking
must think repellant
aaahhh!!!
very tenacious indeed captain
the klingon seems to not want to let go of the forum button
orders captain!
ahhh!!!
now theres 2 klingons!! their cloaked!!
arm the torpedos worf!!!
red alert!!!
be vwery vwery quiet
theres an intruder onboard
he seems to be some type of far ranger sir
did you lock on his coordinates?
well sir
he appears to be at the bottom of the screen
good!
hold this position and lets see if we can send a probe to scan him
do you think they found out about our pu 36 explosive space kiwi inhaler???
possibly worf
get will
huh sir?
number 1
do you need to go to the bathroom sir???
no you nimrod!!! get will riker on the bridge
but sir
hes at the beauty salon getting his hair done
well tell him it will have to wait damn it!!
aye aye sir!!
you rang sir????
stop doing your lurch impression riker!!
Input number 2!
well sir!!
why should i give you input?? you make way more money than me. its like your robbing me of my information. why dont i think about what im gonna do and you think about what your gonna do and then we can see whos idea is better
wont that be a fun idea???
thats an idiot idea will
oh look!! we lost 2 aliens
somebody mustve shot them out the torpedo tubes
one mustve put on his cloaking device. do you think their romulans?
another one captain
its an invasion. there beaming on board. their lurking in space. im getting claustrophic
oh stop whining worf!!!
lets ask data
well captain
the way i see it
we seem to be caught in some type of public forum galaxy
random people move through time space and dimension easily with something called an id and password
good gopher gravy data!!!!
did we enter a worm hole??
it seems we did captain.
how to do break free???
not sure captain.
not sure
not sure!!!
you were wired to be sure!!
you cant say not sure
yes i can
no you cant
ah ha!!!!
while we were arguing the far ranger beamed off the ship
maybe it was the arguing that got him to evacuate.
do you think itll work again??
not sure captain
we can try it
no
why not?
not in the mood to argue
i could sing
yes singing might help
lets get worf over here to sing us a ditty
uk uh hok uck hokt buk uck
wow worf
that was quite beautiful
what?
oh no captain
i had a chip stuck in my throat and i was trying to dislodge it with a little phelm
eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
we could get uhura to sing us something
we could but isnt she in the old enterprise while were the new crew
wont that mess up the time space continuum??
well yeah maybe
but when she sings she makes such goofy faces that the aliens might laugh themselves to death
right!!
get ahura on the speak phone!!
captain
there are 4 cloaked warbirds off the starboard bow
how do you know their warbirds if their cloaked??
they may be cloaked mushrooms for all you know
well sir
their kinda big for mushrooms
well they could be really big cloaked mushrooms
true
but im sure their alien spaceships of some kind sir
i mean what would cloaked mushrooms be doing wandering around in cyberspace???
lost one captain!!!
good job!!!
were boring them to death!!!
a new space weapon!!!
still two cloaked off the starboard bow
what if we just shoot torpedos at them sir?
it couldnt hurt
egads!!!! its a romulan loogie!!!!
red alert!!!!
man battle stations!!!!
wait for it!!
wait for it!!!
quick!!!
get out the barcode scanner!!!
and another alien life form just beamed on board!!
what are we running here???? some type of revolving space door???
interesting theory data.
is there a way to capture him?
well i did suggest that barcode scanner back there.
no! we need something more substantial.
phasers on confuse!
wow!!!! we did it!!!!
confusion worked!!! he ran back to the 0 century!!!
good work crew!!
but what do we do with the two cloaked lurkers in cyberspace captain??
now theres one.
i know!!!!
barney the dinosaur songs!!!!!!
ready???
i love you
you love me
were a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too
dang!!! this one must be a klingon
still off the bow
break out the big guns ensign
what?
you know
the secret weapon
what secret weapon?
didnt you read the secret weapon email?
um no
the one that states we can shoot one of our crew members out of the torpedo tube.
ohhhhh!!!
THAT secret weapon!!!
will get it ready sir!!!
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1.............
FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!
antelope at 10 OCLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shoot! missed!!
man!! that lurker is tough!!!
there must be something we can do to shoot it to the next galaxy.
wheres an antelope when you need one?
we could use one of his fart bombs.
thats it!!!
lets drink some coffee
drink some beer
eat a little cow ewwwwwwww
and shake it all up
actually nothings more powerful in the universe than antelope emission
nonsense data.
theres got to be something we can use to shoot the cloaked lurker across the galaxy
space is getting so crowded these days
it seems you just cant find a few kazillion square feet to think alone.
time for shore leave.
shore leave over
that paradise planet was the bomb!
except for the exploding flowers and rocks
and the aliens who tried to kill us
Little green men with brushes on their hats rock!
Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!
The reason 4 leaf clovers are so hard to find is because the leprechauns pull them down when they see you coming.........so sneak up on the clover patch and be vwey vwey qwiet.
Santa Claus does exist. Ask the Easter Bunny.
Dust bunnies procreate their species
Chili cheese dogs are bred for their looks
I believe peaches look embarrassed.
Pigeons discuss politics. It's true. I read the minutes of their meetings from the sidewalk droppings.
Olives for breakfast..................who knew!
Combs travel in pairs.........just ask them.
Stop signs need love too. Go ahead........give one a hug today.
People just don't respect pumpkins enough.
I bow down to your pumpkinismal love and beg your apologies.
Some people don't respect pumpkins enough
On the other hand, watermelons are the pox of humanity.
Black Eyed Susans are wearing colored contact lenses.
Rainbow pictures scare me. They always seem to be frowning in disapproval.
Is there such a thing as open captioning?
Is it further to New York or by boat?
What ARE the odds?
Can someone get that phone please?
There are green ghosts behind people's eyes.
Whispering 3 X a day is good for malaria.
Seriously, again, what ARE the odds?
Fountain pens deserve to live like the rest of us.
Can your GPS find Munchkinland?
What is Princess Leia hiding under those sticky buns?
Seriously, would you actually buy sea shells at the seashore even if she sells them? Seems like they'd be lying around and kinda free.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
It just seems like Jill should've learned from Jack's mistake. Sigh.
What was that??
If cats make toast,
and dogs make lasagna,
then you can logically conclude that cows wallpaper their bathrooms.
Do cows have bathroom wallpaper with fish designs?
Do they use soft soap?
Were eggplants laid? What did it's mother look like?
Aluminum foil hats really do improve thinking!
Did you hear the joke about the dead pumpkin? How many dead pumpkins does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two
One to decide the lightbulb needs changing and the other one to come to the realization that it ain't gonna happen.
That joke was so bad, I need to hide my head in shame.
NOT!!
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it
a surprising twist at the end.
How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of
the light socket
Who named periwinkles periwinkle?
Who would even think up such a name???
What's a fon do?
I heard it crochets doilies.
I did research on the whole periwinkle name.
Peri means around.
So are these flowers around winkles?
It's getting even foggier here.
Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory dickory dock
OOOKKKAAAYYY!!!
Not much plot
Hickory dickory dock
The mouse stir fried in his wok
The wok burned up
The mouse threw up
Hickory dickory dock
What can YOU spell in your bowl of Alpha bits?
We're off to see the wizard!
The wonderful wizard of oz
We hea we hea we hea we hea
If wever da wiz da waz
Mithithippi
The 80's rocked in slow motion
Cat spit never dries up
Music of sound the with alive are hills the!
Yellow is the best color
Green should hang it's head in shame
Blue needs Prozac
Do you ever watch Math teachers? Their lips move out of sync with their words.
It's higher power zilla!!!
Do something radical today. Watch a dog drool.
Coconuts are spies.
I vote for the maybe party.
Why hands on a clock? Why not feet?
Arrrggghhhhh!!!!! My brain slipped!!!
Ok it's back on.
so........................
In the interest of mankind, the word interest will be stricken from the English language
gonna clap clap clap our crazies out
clap clap clap our crazies out
clap clap clap our crazies out
wiggle our wobbles away
ok lets all clap
nope it didnt work
its not about the asteroids people!!! get with it!
what are two turtles ordering pretzels and cool whip?
correct!!! for 200 points
stardate 23333.59393939393939 squared
we are in romulan territory and dont see any of them.
spock!! get out the romulan bait!
yes sir captain! string cheese torpedos!!! ready!!!! fire!!!!!!
caught one sir!!!!! his lips are stuck to the hull.
Now you're gonna be treated to WHY crazy talk comes so easy to me. I started a thread on that other forum called Crazy Genes after visiting my family in New Orleans for two weeks. The following crazy talk actually came out of their mouths. I deleted all the racist, political, and religious comments, well, because that was just crazy talk.
So here's where my crazy talk comes from..........my crazy family:
Actual crazy talk from my family who don’t see it as crazy talk:
It's taken me 6 months to move into my apartment because my foot hurts and if I need a foot doctor I will have to travel all the way to my old home to go to the doctor.
Yeah, the levee broke and the water is rising but my house is a foot off the ground so it won't flood.
A hurricane won't hit us. It hit us last year.
Mattresses float so it's ok if it floods.
Why didn't the government tell me when they gave me money to live in a place that I had to move in???? It's all their fault.
The guy on the 4th floor knows more than the government.
Those doctors don't know anything about medicine. I don't know why they think they do.
It's ok if the bridge leans to the side. They gonna fix it soon.
The police makes allowances for people over 75 if they run a red light.
It's best to not ever put lights on so people on the street can't see you..........even if the shades are closed.
All the police reports involve people who don't live here (even though their address says they do)
I didn't read it in the paper so it didn't happen (even though I saw it with my own eyes!)
I'm painting the sidewalk with yellow stripes so the postman will stop putting my neighbor's mail in my box (seriously.........this is the exact words!!!) And seriously, there are yellow stripes on her sidewalk. Landing strip??
The levees aren't quite finished so if it floods again the parish councilman said it woulda been too soon for a hurricane to come - again the exact words.
The sad part.................my other relative agreed.
It's not about money. It's about finances.
(huh?)
People shouldn't live together. They should just get married and be miserable like the rest of us.
People didn't see Katrina coming. If they had they would've gotten to higher ground.
(My brain is starting to implode)
Don't throw that rotten lettuce away.
Wait for it
Wait for it
It has nutrients.
I married him so he could take care of me in my old age.
Don't worry about the leak. I called Joe and he said he can come over on Thursday (it's Saturday and the water's leaking now). I don't trust those other plumbers. I can get up all night and empty out the bucket.
I don't need a computer because I don't need to know what's happening in the world.
Yes, I broke up your brother's marriage and had his kids taken away. But it really wasn't my fault.
The bible was written by some guy who wants you to be Jewish.
Greg (so and so).................
do you know him? He's the president of the parish.
I can't believe you don't know him.
Well you know Bobby (so and so)................
No?
Why don't you know them?
She don't mind her own business (as she's looking out of the curtain watching the neighbor)
The U.S. government will just have to understand that I'm not ready to move. My cat will get too upset if I move.
He got married to that slut. No I don't know her. I just know she's a slut.
No.......I did NOT put on my blinker. Any idiot knows that if I stopped ma truck in the road, I'm gonna make a turn.
People in other states are just so cold and impersonal
(disclaimer............just what my relatives say........not me)
Somehow I jumped out of the gene pool along the way.
What's wrong wid dem people? It's cause they not from hea.
We don't have to follow the rules. We from THE PARISH.
All lawyers and doctors want is your money. They think they know stuff because they have degrees.
He married outside the family. You can't trust dem people. (btw, I married my 5th cousin)
I put the 2 x 4 up against the house so when the wind comes the roof won't fly off.
She's having a wedding but she's gonna have nerve if she wears white. Maybe I'll suggest she put a black rick rack trim on the edge.
What happened to the eggplant? I'll bet those neighbors broke into my backyard and stole it.
Schools don't teach them nuthin
My trailer's safer in a storm then your house cause it's off the ground.
I can't move cause I have to watch out for my neighbor's dog. They don't.
They use the excuse that they have to work. It just seems like they working almost everyday almost all day.
That's so stupid you had to go to college. You shoulda stayed home and raised those children. That's your job. You don't need no college to raise children.
Just drive around the broken part of the street. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
Just walk around the broken part of the sidewalk. If you hug the left it won't cave in.
Them damn garbage guys. Can't they see I know it's garbage day?
(not sure what she was referring to here)
It's closer if you take the streets.
You weren't my first born. Or my second. Or my third. But you weren't my last.
(I was the third...............I think.............now I'm not so sure)
I don't need a computer cause if there's anything I need to know it'll be on Channel 4.
Yeah the bridge section came down and fell in the river one time, but if you go real fast and it does break off, you still got enough speed to make it to the other side.
I can't stir the pot. I got my beer in one hand and my baby in the other (promise you, it's real!)
My trucks bigger than yours by miles.
We ain't got nuttin pretty at the front gate of the parish except the National Guard
I shoulda stop having kids and only had my last one.
( I guess I should be insulted because I wasn't the last. But then would the last be first? I'd better not try to figure it out)
I can't figure out how to use it. Right now it just holds my pencils until somebody can tell me how to turn it on.
That dang red cross. They don't know how to handle emergencies.
Are you kidding? I ain't ever heard of such a thing..........not having a wake. It's for the family. That's the only time they get to visit and eat food.
He can't put up a wooden fence. I wouldn't be able to see if I need to what's happening in his yard.
The family is coming over. Don't use the towels.
(I never could figure this one out)
Why is she still living with that drunk? Pass me that beer will ya?
(While swigging beer and driving down the road) Look at those drive thru daiquari shops. Aint' that stupid!
Why do you bother to tell me these things? I don't need to know stuff.
Make sure you hit the bottom of the bridge on the right. You'll knock the bottom offa ya car if you hit it straight on.
Yeah, I know there's all those houses all caved in on their roofs. The city can't fix them or knock them down cause FEMA told them to use the money on things we don't need.
(I guess this is a political statement coonass style)
You see this antelope??
They'd be arguing over whether is was pork or beef.
I ain't lying.
They on the wrong side of the family.
(The sad part was he was speaking about his brother)
Just put the heads in the pot. It'll had flavor.
I know it's crabbing season, but they not Gulf crabs. Look at their bellies. There ain't blue streaks.
Well, we can't invite people over. We outta Zatarains.
Are they in the family? No wonder.
I can't balance my checkbook!!! I told you I don't have any money!!
(All the guys standing around a BOILING crawfish pot holding their beers)
You think it's hot enough? Stick your finger in there and see.
No, she's gonna have to come up with a different date for the wedding. The Saints are playing that day.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about