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Thread: Crazy Talk

  1. #196
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    In celebration of Chantellabella's return, I have written a poem:

    Look! The sky is white
    and like a banker's heart
    they call it spring

    I tried to eat an orange
    but it resisted
    and squeezed itself into my eyes
    then I took a mandarin

    (When at first you don't manage
    always take the smaller one)

    While I am writing this, the smells
    of my mother's pancakes
    swarm into my nostrils
    so far for my sketch of the atmosphere

    Did you know that Neanderthals
    became extinct because
    they couldn't eat rabbit?

    We may not be able to preserve peace
    but at least we can catch a rabbit
    so in the end, we're not a total fail
    on the face of history

    Enough about evolution!
    it makes my brain hurt
    and they already hurt so much
    after reading pages of Schopenhauer
    who was depressed
    just like me
    and the weather
    they call spring

    Wait - am I writing
    solely about myself?
    this was supposed to be
    a poem in honour of
    Chantellabella
    what kind of egoist am I?

    Chantellabella in Texas
    where people still know
    what sunshine looks like
    she has returned
    and brings us spring
    like a box of chocolates

    Let us call out
    hurray!
    hurray!
    and for the highly enthousiastic:
    a third hurray!
    and maybe a fourth
    I leave that to your personal judgement

    In Syria they make war
    in China they make iPhones
    in Japan they make money
    in Belgium they make chips

    In here they make pancakes
    and music
    (did I mention that?
    my brother is playing his saxophone
    it appears to be music)

    In Texas they make spring
    it is not fair
    but who are we
    to complain?
    at least we've got
    pictures
    that proof
    there is still
    such a thing
    as flowers

    Perhaps this is
    the worst poem ever
    that would be prodigious
    I have never written
    the worst poem ever before

    In any case it is long
    like a pensioner's temper
    I shall therefore exclaim
    a final hurray! and then
    declare the ending
    of this poem

    (The ending of this poem)

  2. #197
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    Coralmac stole my unicorn under severe and harsh conditions. I was unable to move from the neuro toxin. I sure do miss my rainbow bright rainbow patty of sunshine.
    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

  3. #198
    Otherside's Avatar
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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    I got ya some good recipes



    My favorite? Squirrel on a stick. Makes it easier to dip in the ranch dressing.
    Unfortunatley, the squirrels leapt out of my fridge and all I was left with was bamboo shoots I'd stolen from kung-fu panda last night. So I fried them with strawberry ice cream, and gave them to Grumpy, who refused to eat it.

    Well I go to all that effort and he refuses to eat it. How rude!
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  4. #199
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    Quote whiteman View Post
    I actually mowed the lawn this week and it was 61 degrees here yesterday. I hate the winter, but it went by faster than usual this year.
    Please come mow my lawn/weeds/neighbor's oak leaves/random dinosaurs strewn about. Yes, there are dinosaurs all over my backyard compliments of my grandson. They are grey and when I find them I think they're rats with rigor mortis and scream.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  5. #200
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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    In celebration of Chantellabella's return, I have written a poem:

    Look! The sky is white
    and like a banker's heart
    they call it spring

    I tried to eat an orange
    but it resisted
    and squeezed itself into my eyes
    then I took a mandarin

    (When at first you don't manage
    always take the smaller one)

    While I am writing this, the smells
    of my mother's pancakes
    swarm into my nostrils
    so far for my sketch of the atmosphere

    Did you know that Neanderthals
    became extinct because
    they couldn't eat rabbit?

    We may not be able to preserve peace
    but at least we can catch a rabbit
    so in the end, we're not a total fail
    on the face of history

    Enough about evolution!
    it makes my brain hurt
    and they already hurt so much
    after reading pages of Schopenhauer
    who was depressed
    just like me
    and the weather
    they call spring

    Wait - am I writing
    solely about myself?
    this was supposed to be
    a poem in honour of
    Chantellabella
    what kind of egoist am I?

    Chantellabella in Texas
    where people still know
    what sunshine looks like
    she has returned
    and brings us spring
    like a box of chocolates

    Let us call out
    hurray!
    hurray!
    and for the highly enthousiastic:
    a third hurray!
    and maybe a fourth
    I leave that to your personal judgement

    In Syria they make war
    in China they make iPhones
    in Japan they make money
    in Belgium they make chips

    In here they make pancakes
    and music
    (did I mention that?
    my brother is playing his saxophone
    it appears to be music)

    In Texas they make spring
    it is not fair
    but who are we
    to complain?
    at least we've got
    pictures
    that proof
    there is still
    such a thing
    as flowers

    Perhaps this is
    the worst poem ever
    that would be prodigious
    I have never written
    the worst poem ever before

    In any case it is long
    like a pensioner's temper
    I shall therefore exclaim
    a final hurray! and then
    declare the ending
    of this poem

    (The ending of this poem)
    I feel honored........................no...............maybe confused ...................... no .................... culturfied? ......... is culturfied a word? .................... no ............ enlightened? ................ inspired ............................. no, that's not it either......................hm ....................................... ............................give me a moment to think about it........................................... could you repeat the question?
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  6. #201
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    Quote Sagan View Post
    Coralmac stole my unicorn under severe and harsh conditions. I was unable to move from the neuro toxin. I sure do miss my rainbow bright rainbow patty of sunshine.
    I think it is a philosophical breakthrough!!!!


    And.....................................


    I know for a fact that the pigeons did it!!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  7. #202
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    Quote Otherside View Post
    Unfortunatley, the squirrels leapt out of my fridge and all I was left with was bamboo shoots I'd stolen from kung-fu panda last night. So I fried them with strawberry ice cream, and gave them to Grumpy, who refused to eat it.

    Well I go to all that effort and he refuses to eat it. How rude!
    Have you tried freezing the fried strawberry ice cream/fried bamboo shoots? Then when it's nice and frozen and very hard, beat him with it. That might get him to at least try it.
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  8. #203
    Trendsetter's Avatar
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    I'm so happy Chantellabella is back on her thread.
    “When you stop blaming others for where you are in life, that is when you can start to manifest your dream life!”
    ― Stephen Richards

  9. #204
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    Quote Trendsetter View Post
    I'm so happy Chantellabella is back on her thread.
    And I'm happy you guys are here with me!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  10. #205
    Daniel C's Avatar
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    The word 'beehive' is not entirely accurate to describe Incheon International Airport. Over the centuries, humans have invented a new type of swarming, unknown to all other creatures, even insects. As we head over escalators, through custom ports, over human assembly lines, everything around us is one impressionist blur of families, pickpockets, tramps that have made their homes in the countless arrival halls, and contemporary cavemen, the kind that exclusively wear Armani suits and cover their eyes in Ray Ban sunglasses, whose skin has changed into parchment as a result of a life spent in offices, taxis, and airports.
    After a inestimable period we stand outside. Even the sun looks artificial in this realm of modern development. A digital clock points out it is almost midday; during our flight we have catched up with the timezones and now morning and evening have swapped places. But there is no time to give in to exhaustion. We walk towards the parade of taxis and get into one of which the driver looks relatively reliable, even though most of his teeth are absent.
    "Seoul? Centre?" He has to repeat that last word three time for me to understand.
    "Uhm... yeah... could you please bring us to the spot where uhm... the thylacine attack took place some days ago? You know?"
    The confusion on the teethless face is of a transcedental level. I take out my iPhone (which, by the way, is no longer fictional ) and google for images of thylacines. When I show one to the taxi driver he is overtaken by a wave of child-like enthousiasm and starts an extensive treatise in which I can occassionally detect a word.
    "Can you take us there?"
    "Course, course sir. Half our, three quarters maybe."
    And we set off. "Are you sure you'll be able to find the right building this time?" my companion in world-travelling asks, as we leave the island over a cozy steel bridge.
    "Positive. It looked like a shipwreck."
    "A shipwreck?"
    "Metaphorically. Just as your eyes look like two gems."
    A silence follows. I wonder if that last remark might have been a little inappropriate. I search for ways to explain the simile was by no means meant insolently, but she interrupts my attempts.
    "You know, you are a pretty strange person. I've never heard someone say my eyes looked like gems before. According to the boys in my home village they were like drops of salt water."
    "I think they are like gems more."
    "Do you like gems?"
    "I... uhm... well, I do not necessarily dislike them"
    "You don't directly strike me as the typical gem person, you know."
    "Well... perhaps I aren't, but..."
    "Then why did you say my eyes were like gems?"
    "It was just a simile, I... I don't know."
    The buildings on both sides of the road grow higher, we are getting deeper into the steel jungle. After a long and intricate period in which only the noises from outside and the taxi driver's dissonant whistling can be heard, she finally speaks again. I wonder what it says about the relationships that she continuously is the person to set up a conversation."
    "Daniel, I wonder... why did you write me into your story? When you were in the Mediterranean, you could have introduced anything to help you proceed in the plot. An American navy ship... a superhero... a giant squid... why did you choose to introduce a displaced French girl with eyes that are like gems?"
    "I'm not sure... I'm not sure if I really have that much power over the story. I mean... maybe it was just meant... you know, on a higher level..."
    I wonder if I should look into her eyes or out of the window. I decide in favour of a compromise and look right in front of me. In the front window, my eyes meet the taxi driver's.
    "Almost there," he calls, neutralising the suspense in the taxi cabin. I look to the side of the road. A very stylish sign says 'Gangnam district'. The taxi decelerates and finally comes to a halt at the pavement near a building that unmistakenly looks like a shipwreck. I pay with the last bits of my credit card and as the taxi heads off to new customers we let the heart of Seoul consume us for a moment.
    "You remember, Daniel?"
    "Yeah, I remember. It was right here." And I walk through the folding doors of the shipwreck-skyscraper into the huge, dark hall that is now entirely desolate. The table around which all world leaders were previously positioned is still present, the orb is not.
    "Where is the sphere?"
    "It's got to be somewhere here. In this building. I am sure of it. If you'd been Mark Zuckerberg, where in the building would you have hidden the crystal orb?"
    "At the very top, of course. Mark is a narcissist. Things can never be high enough for him."
    We head towards the elevator in the back of the hall. The total absence of people inside this huge building slightly troubles me.
    As the elevator transports us in vertical direction like a rocket, the silence is all-embracing. I feel my chest go up and down at the pace of my heart.
    The doors open at floor 53. We get out into a red hall that leads to a single door. Despite the entirely different setting, the sight slightly remembers me of the palace in Atlantis. The memory of it seems so far away it makes me doubt for a moment if it wasn't just a dream. But it can't be a dream; why else would I now be silently walking through a deserted office skyscraper in the centre of Seoul with a French gem-eyed girl on my side?
    The door opens without a sound. A small office oversees the entire centre of Seoul, below humans, cars and trains swarm on a micro-level. Evidently, my companion was not mistaken about Mark Zuckerberg's narcissism.
    At the right wall there is a huge Vermeer-styled painting. At the left one there is a small vault.
    Neither of us speak a word, we both know we are at the right spot.
    The vault has a number lock.
    "Do you have... do you have any idea what..."
    "Give me one moment."
    I focus my brains. There was another vault, earlier in the story. I close my eyes and go back.
    He typed in the six-digit code -which he had modelled after his mother's birthday, so that he would be sure to never forget it...
    "The code is Mark's mother's birthday," I whisper. But I have no idea what...
    "I do!" the French girl calls out, so hard her voice echoes through the office, something that oddly adds to my discomfort. "He told me," she continues on a softer tone. "He said his memory was really bad, and mine was really good, so he asked me to remember it. I did, I still do, no matter how hard I tried to forget. She was born on December 12, 1956."
    I type in the code - 121256 - and the vault door pops open. In the tiny niche there are two objects - a piece of paper containing hundreds of numbers, and an orb. I take out my gloves and pick up the orb, avoiding any skin contact that would, again, carry me into the deepest crypts of telepathic involuntarism. The triumphal silence is interrupted when the orb changes colour, and out of the mists the queen Azalia's marble face destillates.
    "Daniel! I've tried to reach you, but... Anyway. It's Mark. He escaped."
    I'd never have thought any of the queen's words would ever feel like punch in my stomache. "What do you mean... how..."
    "No time to explain. The most important thing is he escaped. You are in great danger. Please..."
    But she can't finish her sentence because, behind our backs, a familiar voice pierces the atmosphere.
    "Exactly. And you have walked right into my trap. Now please do as I ask you, or this beautiful panorama will be the last view to reach your eyes. Please deposit the orb at your feet, and put your hands up. You have had your playtime, Daniel. It's been fun, but now it's enough. We're going to make some plot twists. This is no longer your story, Daniel."

  11. #206
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    Quote Daniel C View Post
    The word 'beehive' is not entirely accurate to describe Incheon International Airport. Over the centuries, humans have invented a new type of swarming, unknown to all other creatures, even insects. As we head over escalators, through custom ports, over human assembly lines, everything around us is one impressionist blur of families, pickpockets, tramps that have made their homes in the countless arrival halls, and contemporary cavemen, the kind that exclusively wear Armani suits and cover their eyes in Ray Ban sunglasses, whose skin has changed into parchment as a result of a life spent in offices, taxis, and airports.
    After a inestimable period we stand outside. Even the sun looks artificial in this realm of modern development. A digital clock points out it is almost midday; during our flight we have catched up with the timezones and now morning and evening have swapped places. But there is no time to give in to exhaustion. We walk towards the parade of taxis and get into one of which the driver looks relatively reliable, even though most of his teeth are absent.
    "Seoul? Centre?" He has to repeat that last word three time for me to understand.
    "Uhm... yeah... could you please bring us to the spot where uhm... the thylacine attack took place some days ago? You know?"
    The confusion on the teethless face is of a transcedental level. I take out my iPhone (which, by the way, is no longer fictional ) and google for images of thylacines. When I show one to the taxi driver he is overtaken by a wave of child-like enthousiasm and starts an extensive treatise in which I can occassionally detect a word.
    "Can you take us there?"
    "Course, course sir. Half our, three quarters maybe."
    And we set off. "Are you sure you'll be able to find the right building this time?" my companion in world-travelling asks, as we leave the island over a cozy steel bridge.
    "Positive. It looked like a shipwreck."
    "A shipwreck?"
    "Metaphorically. Just as your eyes look like two gems."
    A silence follows. I wonder if that last remark might have been a little inappropriate. I search for ways to explain the simile was by no means meant insolently, but she interrupts my attempts.
    "You know, you are a pretty strange person. I've never heard someone say my eyes looked like gems before. According to the boys in my home village they were like drops of salt water."
    "I think they are like gems more."
    "Do you like gems?"
    "I... uhm... well, I do not necessarily dislike them"
    "You don't directly strike me as the typical gem person, you know."
    "Well... perhaps I aren't, but..."
    "Then why did you say my eyes were like gems?"
    "It was just a simile, I... I don't know."
    The buildings on both sides of the road grow higher, we are getting deeper into the steel jungle. After a long and intricate period in which only the noises from outside and the taxi driver's dissonant whistling can be heard, she finally speaks again. I wonder what it says about the relationships that she continuously is the person to set up a conversation."
    "Daniel, I wonder... why did you write me into your story? When you were in the Mediterranean, you could have introduced anything to help you proceed in the plot. An American navy ship... a superhero... a giant squid... why did you choose to introduce a displaced French girl with eyes that are like gems?"
    "I'm not sure... I'm not sure if I really have that much power over the story. I mean... maybe it was just meant... you know, on a higher level..."
    I wonder if I should look into her eyes or out of the window. I decide in favour of a compromise and look right in front of me. In the front window, my eyes meet the taxi driver's.
    "Almost there," he calls, neutralising the suspense in the taxi cabin. I look to the side of the road. A very stylish sign says 'Gangnam district'. The taxi decelerates and finally comes to a halt at the pavement near a building that unmistakenly looks like a shipwreck. I pay with the last bits of my credit card and as the taxi heads off to new customers we let the heart of Seoul consume us for a moment.
    "You remember, Daniel?"
    "Yeah, I remember. It was right here." And I walk through the folding doors of the shipwreck-skyscraper into the huge, dark hall that is now entirely desolate. The table around which all world leaders were previously positioned is still present, the orb is not.
    "Where is the sphere?"
    "It's got to be somewhere here. In this building. I am sure of it. If you'd been Mark Zuckerberg, where in the building would you have hidden the crystal orb?"
    "At the very top, of course. Mark is a narcissist. Things can never be high enough for him."
    We head towards the elevator in the back of the hall. The total absence of people inside this huge building slightly troubles me.
    As the elevator transports us in vertical direction like a rocket, the silence is all-embracing. I feel my chest go up and down at the pace of my heart.
    The doors open at floor 53. We get out into a red hall that leads to a single door. Despite the entirely different setting, the sight slightly remembers me of the palace in Atlantis. The memory of it seems so far away it makes me doubt for a moment if it wasn't just a dream. But it can't be a dream; why else would I now be silently walking through a deserted office skyscraper in the centre of Seoul with a French gem-eyed girl on my side?
    The door opens without a sound. A small office oversees the entire centre of Seoul, below humans, cars and trains swarm on a micro-level. Evidently, my companion was not mistaken about Mark Zuckerberg's narcissism.
    At the right wall there is a huge Vermeer-styled painting. At the left one there is a small vault.
    Neither of us speak a word, we both know we are at the right spot.
    The vault has a number lock.
    "Do you have... do you have any idea what..."
    "Give me one moment."
    I focus my brains. There was another vault, earlier in the story. I close my eyes and go back.
    He typed in the six-digit code -which he had modelled after his mother's birthday, so that he would be sure to never forget it...
    "The code is Mark's mother's birthday," I whisper. But I have no idea what...
    "I do!" the French girl calls out, so hard her voice echoes through the office, something that oddly adds to my discomfort. "He told me," she continues on a softer tone. "He said his memory was really bad, and mine was really good, so he asked me to remember it. I did, I still do, no matter how hard I tried to forget. She was born on December 12, 1956."
    I type in the code - 121256 - and the vault door pops open. In the tiny niche there are two objects - a piece of paper containing hundreds of numbers, and an orb. I take out my gloves and pick up the orb, avoiding any skin contact that would, again, carry me into the deepest crypts of telepathic involuntarism. The triumphal silence is interrupted when the orb changes colour, and out of the mists the queen Azalia's marble face destillates.
    "Daniel! I've tried to reach you, but... Anyway. It's Mark. He escaped."
    I'd never have thought any of the queen's words would ever feel like punch in my stomache. "What do you mean... how..."
    "No time to explain. The most important thing is he escaped. You are in great danger. Please..."
    But she can't finish her sentence because, behind our backs, a familiar voice pierces the atmosphere.
    "Exactly. And you have walked right into my trap. Now please do as I ask you, or this beautiful panorama will be the last view to reach your eyes. Please deposit the orb at your feet, and put your hands up. You have had your playtime, Daniel. It's been fun, but now it's enough. We're going to make some plot twists. This is no longer your story, Daniel."
    The story's baaaaaackkkkkkkkk! Yay!

    I knew Mark Zuckerman was guilty all along! Anybody devious enough to make a social media where my sister-in-law can stalk everyone on the planet with one touch of a button, just HAD to be evil.

    I just need to know one thing.

    How do you focus your brains? And why is your brain plural? Hm. That explains a lot of the plot twists. There's really two or more inside that random, yet brilliant noggin of yours, isn't there?
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  12. #207
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    Giant asparagus(es) ate my Skittles.


    Oh wait.


    Nope.


    I was wrong.


    It was the mailman.


    Damned mailman!


    I was saving them for a rainy day!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  13. #208
    Otherside's Avatar
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    Quote chantellabella View Post
    Giant asparagus(es) ate my Skittles.


    Oh wait.

    Nope.


    I was wrong.


    It was the mailman.


    Damned mailman!


    I was saving them for a rainy day!
    Or was it the aspargus-shaped mailman who stole your skittles?
    I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
    A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......


  14. #209
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    Quote Otherside View Post
    Or was it the aspargus-shaped mailman who stole your skittles?
    Hm. I hadn't thought of that.


    Damned asparagus shaped mailman!

    He ate my Skittles!
    The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about

  15. #210
    Sagan's Avatar Carl Sagan
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    http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc

    "A still more glorious dawn awaits
    Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
    A morning filled with 400 billion suns
    The rising of the milky way"

    "The sky calls to us
    If we do not destroy ourselves
    We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan

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