Crazy Talk

[Daniel C]

As we sit down in perfect desperation and the pristine morning rays come travelling from over the Mediterranean all the way to this dusty hallway, the apish and still unconscious American makes gurgling sounds and time is made of glass, as all of these impressions surround us I think this is the right point in the story for some emotional discharge.
"You never told me about your mother."
The French girl sighs in a melodramatic way, then responds. "When I was four years old, she ate a rotten codfish. The ambulance arrived too late due to all the roads being blocked because of a national fishermen's strike against the government. The food poisoning killed her. It took my dad years to get over it."
It seems a disproportional part of the girl's life has been marked by fish. Looking into the unfathomable eyes, I search for words to keep the conversation alive.
"I never knew codfish were so dangerous."
"They aren't, usually. Of course with salmon you've always got to be careful, but I never heard of any other codfish poisonings. Except my mother. Do you believe in fate, Daniel?"
I shake my head. The silence grows like a cancer. I search for something to say.
"Tell me a little more about fish."
She blinks with her eyes a few times. "Well... it's hard to explain. There are many types of fish. My father is - was primarily skilled in preparing haddock or mackerell. Though he also did lobster and cuttlefish. I sometimes went with our village's fishermen, they usually caught a lot of mackerell of course, also turbot, but mainly mackerell. Sometimes they caught a garfish, then we'd all gather on the village square to have a festival dinner. There were also some prawn boats, you need special nets for those, you see? When you use regular nets on prawn they escape through the meshes. My personal favourite fish was the thornback ray, they always seemed to wave to me, sometimes when the fisherman had caught a ray I'd secretly throw it back into the water. So... there's a lot more to tell fish, but I don't know..."
"No, maybe it's better if... uhm... I wonder... do you know... what exactly happened to your father?"
I immediately regret the question. Obviously this episode has been too recent for the girl to process yet. Her eyes fill with tears, reflecting their colours.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's alright. We were standing in the kitchen. He was arranging the ingredients, I was... I don't know... we were having..."
I can see the memory hurts, I want to pull her back but I don't know how. She continues.
"We were having a quarrel. I wanted to study in Paris, he said he wanted... since my mother died, he needed all help he could. In the restaurant. I went outside, for a walk along the port. Then they came."
If silence could be weighted, this one would equal tons of ballast. Still I can't speak.
"They were flying fish. One time before I had seen flying fish, but only in the distance... but these were different, their eyes were shining, their teeth... almost as if they were possessed or something. They landed on the buildings. On the streets. The air didn't stop them. I saw everyone running, into the hills, I saw... their teeth were so sharp. In desperation, I threw myself into the fish wall, I landed into a boat. It sailed away. I survived. But I don't know... I can't imagine how... Maybe if I wouldn't have... wouldn't have quarrelled with him..."
The tears discharge. I know that I am supposed to put an arm around her shoulder. I calculate the different ways in which I could do that, but before I'm finished she sniffs and sweeps away the tears. I notice how, even on her cheeks, the tears still have the colour of the eye they came from.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I don't... I don't understand. They were fish. How could they..."
I remember something. "Wait... Do you remember what Mark Zuckerberg said?"
"I... No, I was too surprised... I guess."
"About the fish. He reacted... astonished. He said something like he thought he could only command humans."
"You mean that Mark is responsible for..."
"I don't know. It could be. How long before had you... been in a relationship with him?"
She falls silent, again, but luckily not for long. "I don't know, exactly, but... no more than three weeks. Maybe... I could have know... That... that... salaud." And the tears come again. I am done calculating and stretch out my left arm first, so that I can put my right one behind it, and avoid any clumsy scenes. However, again I cannot finish my intention. The crystal orb starts emitting an aggresively white flash, attacking our eyes like a vicious animal. For some moments I cannot see anything, then slowly the light mutes and the room reappears, stained by disturbances in my retina. After some moments I realise there is a face in the orb.
"Thank the immortal gods I found you. You've done great so far. Listen to me, I know what to do next."

[Chantellabella]

Wait! You snuck this excerpt in 6 days ago????!!!!! I must not be subscribed to it anymore. Ok. I have to run to go to work so I'll have to read it when I get back. Sorry it took so long for me to see this. I can't wait to read it tonight!!


Oh and just for the crazy talk record..........kumquats do make a refreshing snack for pigeons. I don't know if it relates to your story, but if it does, you're welcome to use it.

[Chantellabella]

As we sit down in perfect desperation and the pristine morning rays come travelling from over the Mediterranean all the way to this dusty hallway, the apish and still unconscious American makes gurgling sounds and time is made of glass, as all of these impressions surround us I think this is the right point in the story for some emotional discharge.
"You never told me about your mother."
The French girl sighs in a melodramatic way, then responds. "When I was four years old, she ate a rotten codfish. The ambulance arrived too late due to all the roads being blocked because of a national fishermen's strike against the government. The food poisoning killed her. It took my dad years to get over it."
It seems a disproportional part of the girl's life has been marked by fish. Looking into the unfathomable eyes, I search for words to keep the conversation alive.
"I never knew codfish were so dangerous."
"They aren't, usually. Of course with salmon you've always got to be careful, but I never heard of any other codfish poisonings. Except my mother. Do you believe in fate, Daniel?"
I shake my head. The silence grows like a cancer. I search for something to say.
"Tell me a little more about fish."
She blinks with her eyes a few times. "Well... it's hard to explain. There are many types of fish. My father is - was primarily skilled in preparing haddock or mackerell. Though he also did lobster and cuttlefish. I sometimes went with our village's fishermen, they usually caught a lot of mackerell of course, also turbot, but mainly mackerell. Sometimes they caught a garfish, then we'd all gather on the village square to have a festival dinner. There were also some prawn boats, you need special nets for those, you see? When you use regular nets on prawn they escape through the meshes. My personal favourite fish was the thornback ray, they always seemed to wave to me, sometimes when the fisherman had caught a ray I'd secretly throw it back into the water. So... there's a lot more to tell fish, but I don't know..."
"No, maybe it's better if... uhm... I wonder... do you know... what exactly happened to your father?"
I immediately regret the question. Obviously this episode has been too recent for the girl to process yet. Her eyes fill with tears, reflecting their colours.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's alright. We were standing in the kitchen. He was arranging the ingredients, I was... I don't know... we were having..."
I can see the memory hurts, I want to pull her back but I don't know how. She continues.
"We were having a quarrel. I wanted to study in Paris, he said he wanted... since my mother died, he needed all help he could. In the restaurant. I went outside, for a walk along the port. Then they came."
If silence could be weighted, this one would equal tons of ballast. Still I can't speak.
"They were flying fish. One time before I had seen flying fish, but only in the distance... but these were different, their eyes were shining, their teeth... almost as if they were possessed or something. They landed on the buildings. On the streets. The air didn't stop them. I saw everyone running, into the hills, I saw... their teeth were so sharp. In desperation, I threw myself into the fish wall, I landed into a boat. It sailed away. I survived. But I don't know... I can't imagine how... Maybe if I wouldn't have... wouldn't have quarrelled with him..."
The tears discharge. I know that I am supposed to put an arm around her shoulder. I calculate the different ways in which I could do that, but before I'm finished she sniffs and sweeps away the tears. I notice how, even on her cheeks, the tears still have the colour of the eye they came from.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I don't... I don't understand. They were fish. How could they..."
I remember something. "Wait... Do you remember what Mark Zuckerberg said?"
"I... No, I was too surprised... I guess."
"About the fish. He reacted... astonished. He said something like he thought he could only command humans."
"You mean that Mark is responsible for..."
"I don't know. It could be. How long before had you... been in a relationship with him?"
She falls silent, again, but luckily not for long. "I don't know, exactly, but... no more than three weeks. Maybe... I could have know... That... that... salaud." And the tears come again. I am done calculating and stretch out my left arm first, so that I can put my right one behind it, and avoid any clumsy scenes. However, again I cannot finish my intention. The crystal orb starts emitting an aggresively white flash, attacking our eyes like a vicious animal. For some moments I cannot see anything, then slowly the light mutes and the room reappears, stained by disturbances in my retina. After some moments I realise there is a face in the orb.
"Thank the immortal gods I found you. You've done great so far. Listen to me, I know what to do next."

See??? Fish are always the problem. Especially fish from McDonald's. Their fish filet food poisoned me 3 weeks ago and I almost died then.

Besides everyone knows that the only way to cook fish is to douse it in Zatarians, cayenne pepper and add a touch of Tony Cacheries. Otherwise, it'll just kill you.

So who found them? Jack Dorsey maybe.

Although Twitter is limited, their logo is way better than Facebook's logo.

Just saying.

[Sagan]

I present to you
Creepy... Crawly... Creepy... Crawly... CreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawlyCreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawly.

[Chantellabella]

I present to you
Creepy... Crawly... Creepy... Crawly... CreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawlyCreepyCreepyCrawlyCrawly.

OMG!! Put a warning on that next time!

ewwwwwwwwwwww 1000 times over. I just got rid of rats. Now I'll have bug nightmares.

[Member11]

I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.

[Chantellabella]

I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.

This message paid for by the fine people who brought you Spam.............the "mystery food."

[Chantellabella]

I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.

This message paid for by the fine people who brought you Spam.............the "mystery food."

or are you talking about the lovely people who try to sell us leg wax here?

Either way, I'll go get my crossbow.

Neptunus...........why don't you bring that big pointy thing you carry around?

We got some spam meat to keeel!

[Sagan]

Spam. Cornbread with staunch berries.

[Sagan]

No really though. Yesterday I ragtagged my nurdle sack

[Anteros]

I have a secret that I have to tell the SPAM, it might bring down governments or just the local bakery, but in either SPAM I need to to tell the SPAM and deal with the SPAM SPAM, so SPAM it is SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM CIA. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM UFOs SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!! SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM.

Prophetic words!!!!!

Neptunus...........why don't you bring that big pointy thing you carry around?

We got some spam meat to keeel!

We be eatin' fine tonight (and for the next 2-3 months or so!) Submissions for spam recipes welcome!

[Ironman]

Breathes like a polar bear!!! LOL!!



Totally, did not even know there was an international backgammon congress. See? This is why it's great to meet people around the world. I know here in Texas we have an international cow pie slinging congress.



Yeah, you're probably right. Not only did I not know there was The Ramblas 108 wasn't real, but I didn't know The Ramblas 106 actually exists. I definitely need to get out more............or maybe just read more.



Does the guy realize you might not WANT to see your parent's again? He should have used bamboo shoots under your fingernails.



Oops! My faux pas bad. Continue........



Love the action!! The hero's always get away, however it didn't sound like it would be hard to get away from that guy. Probably he spent too much time on his Facebook friending everyone.

Can't wait to see the next installment!



Yes!!

Now, where is Menards?

Does it sell shoes or hunting gear?

I also need to buy some liver and a cake.

Do I go north past the Walmart or south past the 7-11?

I mean, that truly might be the only place left on the planet that is dedicated to service and quality.

Menard's is like Home Depot, but around the Great Lakes. I don't think they sell fishing gear there....or do they?

[Chantellabella]

Prophetic words!!!!!



We be eatin' fine tonight (and for the next 2-3 months or so!) Submissions for spam recipes welcome!

Fine shooting partner!! I'll go get the Zatarain's.

Somebody go get a mop. We got some spam spill on aisle 4.

[Chantellabella]

Spam. Cornbread with staunch berries.

Yeah, I hear we got a whole mess of it. Anybody got some fruit jars for the berries and a casserole dish for the deceased?

[Chantellabella]

Menard's is like Home Depot, but around the Great Lakes. I don't think they sell fishing gear there....or do they?

I must be tired. I first read that your Home Depot surrounded the Great Lakes and I was sitting here wondering how they could build something that big. Or even why they needed that much hardware. Sleep deprivation can be quite the Disneyland ride.