The "meat", of course! Especially as Spam, Bacon, sausage and Spam, but not as Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam, that is just weird!chantellabella
This message paid for by the fine people who brought you Spam.............the "mystery food."
or are you talking about the lovely people who try to sell us leg wax here?
You know it
Speaking of leg wax and Spam et al................
Every morning on my way to work, I hear a commercial on the radio about a hair removal place. In the many years I've heard about this place, it has organized a woman's life, gotten her a better career, made her feel more confident, given her back years of time, got her the dream man she always wanted and on and on and on. Generally her hair removal has done everything short of paying her taxes and mowing her lawn.
Maybe we should allow that one to come in and pitch. We might get all of our social, emotional and financial problems solved in one shot. Then we could post a section on how being hairless has set us free.
Now if said hair removal spam does make it's way here, you may all put me in the time out corner for mentioning them.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
It is hard to describe. Maybe if you would take all the beauty of the city of Verona, the silence of the ocean, and the brightness of all 2361 stars visble from earth, you could get an impression of what the Queen Azalia looks like, even when blurred by the glass of a primordial orb.
"You found one of the orbs. Great. Have you tried to use it?"
"Yes, but it didn't seem to work. The signal, was uhm... distorted."
"That is because the orb still commands Mark Zuckerberg. It isn't enough to have it in your hand. You have to really... communicate with it."
"Right... and how are we going to do that?"
"You need to have more orbs."
"More?"
"More than half of them. There are seven so that makes..."
"Four. Where in heaven's name are we going to find three more orbs?"
"You don't need to find three of them. Remember what I told you? When the extraterrestrials came, some 11,000 years ago, to take back the orbs, we managed to save one of them and hide it in a place where they couldn't find it. Also, our soldiers arrested Mark Zuckerberg after the hotelier had, uhm, precipitated him. It turned out he had one of the orbs in his handback. So we've got two of them down here. Plus the one you have now, that only leaves one."
I feel a large wave of tiredness arise in me. I fear the story is getting much too complicated for any casual readers to follow. But there isn't much time to ponder over that problem.
"I see. Did Mr. Zuckerberg also tell you where it can be found?"
"Alas - he seems to be rather well-skilled in protecting his thoughts. All those years of thelepacy must have given him a strong cognitive inflexibility."
"But then they can be anywhere on the planet. How are we ever going to track them down?"
The French girl meddles into the discussion with a hesitant hand gesture. "Daniel, you are writing a story about this, aren't you? That means you have knowledge us... simple characters have not. Can you perhaps... I don't know... hoist yourself into the narrator's position? And find out where the orbs are?"
"I don't know - maybe. Give me a minute."
I step out of the story, back into reality, and scroll down the pages of the 'Crazy talk' thread in search for a clue. After endless dissertations about Zuckerberg's mother, I finally stumble upon the following quote:
'These meetings had place in six of Mark's favourite cities, one in each continent, among which he had divided six of the crystal orbs, the seventh one of course always being close to Mark himself.'
"I found some useful information. One of the orbs Zuckerberg always carries with him, that's the one you found obviously. The other six are in his favourite cities all over the world. One of them is Barcelona, apparently, and one of them has to be... Seoul. Of course. One of the orbs is in Seoul."
The Queen frowns her silver eyebrows. "Is that in the environment of Barcelona?"
"Uhm... not really. We can take a plane though. It'd probably take us about... fifteen hours, I guess?"
"That's a long time. By then the extraterrestrials must already have been alarmed. But if it's the only option then... One more thing though. The orb we managed to hide away - we substituted it with a fake exemplar to fool the extraterrestrials. That means one of Zuckerberg's orbs is fake. When you head to Seoul, you must be sure the orb that is there is the real one. Are you..."
"Positive. I witnessed some weird things there. It was obvious something ... non-terrestrial was going on in that city."
"In that case, you must go now, I shall no longer detain you. And please... take care, both of you."
For some reason the British accent of the Queen's transparent voice always awakes the parts of me that can only exist inside a fictional story. "Don't worry, we shall give all we can. You can count upon our will to strive until the bitter end."
Her image flickers away as in a poorly connected tv screen. We get up at the exact moment the fat American wakes up, with a sound that remembers me of the time my father fell through the ice. The memories...
"God, what happened."
"The end of the world. Stay calm, God is going to rescue you. You're an American, after all."
And we storm onto the Ramblas, that has transformed itself into a modestly whirling morning scene. The Ramblas isn't a street, it is a river with one thousand forms.
The French girl looks overwhelmed (of course, she isn't used to much). "Follow me!" I shout out, as we turn into a side alley where cars are allowed.
"Taxi!" I call out in a Sherlock-like manner. I've always wanted to do that.
"The airplane. Shortest route. Now."
And we set off through the narrow alleys, heading towards yet another episode. For lack of any epic violin music, I try to hum Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. Seeing the vicarious shame in the eyes of the French girl, however, I cut off. Anyway, the situation is epic enough already.
LOL!! Thanks for making me choke on a cracker while laughing. Sadly, I have relatives who would say that very thing.
I'm telling you, you're the funniest writer I've come across in a long time. I hope you are keeping all this. Your creativity is amazing. You're as good as the people who are published.
I can say that because I'm a librarian.
But I don't wear reading glasses on a chain.
I do have 7 cats, but I wear 14 earrings at once. I think that negates the whole librarian/ cat lady persona.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Haha... now don't exaggerate. Or maybe you've just been reading the wrong books. Ever tried Jonathan Safran Foer? Now he is funny. And touching. I suspect him of being a genius.LOL!! Thanks for making me choke on a cracker while laughing. Sadly, I have relatives who would say that very thing.
I'm telling you, you're the funniest writer I've come across in a long time. I hope you are keeping all this. Your creativity is amazing. You're as good as the people who are published.
I can say that because I'm a librarian.
But I don't wear reading glasses on a chain.
I do have 7 cats, but I wear 14 earrings at once. I think that negates the whole librarian/ cat lady persona.
So does that mean you wear you wear 14 earings the ear or seven in each? It's really essential to determine wether you fit in the librarian / cat category or the spirited rock 'n roll category.
More of a throw back from the 60's. Right now I have 7 in each ear, but I used to have 12 in each ear. When I counseled I wore hoops mostly, but now I stay the more "conservative" studs and hoops. Now how many people can say their grandmother is that cool?
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
But aren't the 60's just a synonym for rock 'n roll? Or am I confusing the 60's and the 50's? Maybe I shouldn't try saying something useful about eras that were far before my time.
That's for sure. I can only dream about my grandmothers being so cool... Or maybe I shouldn't. I guess it'd be a rather unsettling experience to realise your grandmother is cooler than yourself. Yeah, I guess I'd just be grateful my grandmothers just spend their days baking apple pie and listening to classical music.Right now I have 7 in each ear, but I used to have 12 in each ear. When I counseled I wore hoops mostly, but now I stay the more "conservative" studs and hoops. Now how many people can say their grandmother is that cool?
Edit: A ninja smiley? Why does it give me a ninja smiley? What certainties are left when the : S combination translates to a ninja smiley? I am utterly confounded right now.
You're not supposed to understand ninja smileys! That's just crazy talk!
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Carl Sagan
http://youtu.be/zSgiXGELjbc
"A still more glorious dawn awaits
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the milky way"
"The sky calls to us
If we do not destroy ourselves
We will one day venture to the stars" -Carl Sagan
Awww!!!
Definitely huggable!
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Traffic, traffic...
Descend, descend...
Increase descent...
Increase descent...
Clear of conflict.
What the pigeons on the wire discuss during morning traffic?
Am I close?
How many points is this question?
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
The lady speaks English with a faultless accent. "You are lucky, the next scheduled flight to Seoul from Charles de Gaulle airport will be this evening at 7 PM. If you take the 12:30 flight to Paris you can still catch it. I can book you the last two seats economy class, next to the window. The flight will take approximately twelve hours, you'll arrive at about 12 AM local time. Shall I book it?"
"Yes, that sounds perfect."
"Okay... single flight to Seoul, stopover at Paris, two tickets economy class... that'll be... 1260 euros. Do you have a credit card?"
So far, I hadn't considered the option this adventure would have any financial implications. I turn to the French girl. "I think it's fair to share the costs, don't you?"
"Well, regarding the fact that my family was devoured by a swarm of flying fish whereas you still have two parents to financially rely on, I'd say it's only fair if you pay for the lion's share of the expenses."
"Of course you don't know my parents, but I can tell you if I'd come to them to ask if they can pay for a double ticket from Barcelona to Seoul that I had to purchase as a part of an operation to prevent the world from falling into the hands of blood thirsty extraterrestrials, I don't think they'd give in."
"But it was you who started this entire odyssee whereas I was just dragged along, so I'd say the responsibility for the expenses also lies in your hands as well."
"But you chose to join in out of free will."
"Well, seeing as I'm only a character in your story, I doubt if I was really free to choose in the first place."
"Doesn't the fact that we're having a disagreement right now indicate that you have the free option to deviate from the course of my narration?"
"Do you know that modern neuroscientists claim free will is really an illusion and we're all driven by chemical factors?"
"Well, as Daniel Dennett convincingly demonstrated, there is no necessary collission between chemical determinism and free will."
"I don't have a credit card with me."
"Touche."
As the paying machien swallows my fictional credit card, my thoughts go out to my grandmother, and how I am going to explain to her my money went out to two transcontinental flight tickets. But I have to put the greater good over my personal concerns.
The custom officer shows some deep suspicion over the crystal orb that I have tucked into a plastic back I always carry with me for case of emergency, but finally he finds himself unable to come up with any concrete objections and lets us pass reluctantly. We take place in two seats in the large white arrival hall.
"We're flying over your capital. Did you go there a lot?"
"Yes, my aunt lives in an appartment near the Rue de l'Odeon. We went to visit her a lot. It's a shame we don't have time to leave the airport, otherwise I could pay her a visit. She must be under the hypothesis the fish killed me as well..."
"Wait - you just said all of your family got killed in the fish disaster?"
"That was for the sake of the argument. And anyway, you don't mean to say I shouldn't complain because only my father was killed, do you?"
I still find myself unable to deal with her temperament. "No, of course not, it's only... I'm sorry."
An awkward silence follows, disturbed by the jubilations of reunited families, the sobs of mothers saying goodbye, the agitation of people preparing for their holidays. She finally resumes: "Daniel, if we finally have found the fourth orb, what are we going to do then?"
The question arouses a surreptitious uncertainty inside me. "I don't... I mean, the queen will know. She know everything."
"And what if the queen is just sending us all over the planet to conceal the fact that she personally doesn't have any idea what should happen? I mean, why would us possessing the crystal orbs stop the aliens from invading the earth?"
Her turquoise eye always carries most suspicion.
"Did you see her? I mean, did you look at her? She just was... in harmony. She knows what should happen. You can just see it."
The girl wants to say something more but to my relief her words are drowned by the voice of a female robot filling the hall. Els passatgers de ParĂ*s s'aconsella anar a la porta en el seu bitllet. Los pasajeros de ParĂ*s se aconseja ir a la puerta en su billete. Passengers for Paris are advised to head to the gate on your ticket.
"Let's go," I say. "There is no place for doubt in this story. Doubt is a chemical defect found in the losing side."
"You didn't come up with that yourself."
"Says who?"
"I don't know. I don't watch a lot of American movies."
"It's from a British tv series."
"I don't watch those either."
"You'd better start to. It can come in very handy whenever you're stuck in a conversation."
"I'm losing track of this conversation."
"I'm afraid the reader is too. Let's just stop talking and proceed to our next destination. Seoul. Back to where it all started."
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