Always feeling inadequate ( & or being treated/ feeling like a child)

[Total Eclipse]

Can anyone relate to this?

Family and social events from people outside of the family type functions are the toughest. It sucks that the first things out of their mouths isn't a "hello", it's a "when are you going to graduate?" (from college) or "where are you working now? Not that online job still, right?"

Then I get that "what the hell have you been doing all this time" type look from them. Or I can hear them talking about me (yes, they are talking and they aren't just "voices"....) Whats up with Kay? ... "Well.. Kay only does this.. and Kay does that... and won't do this.. and refuses to do that... " .... type of back handed "whispering" of family members to people.

I feel like everyone else has more knowledge and life experience than me. I feel like I'm lagging far behind everyone else. (translation; I have the life experience of a 15-year old virgin. My vocabulary hasn't grown much either.)

I feel like I should have more accomplishments and be more independent. Instead I'm like a child who depends on mommy and daddy for everything. Even when I'm not living at home... I have health issues and need their support like I'm 3.

When at a party I also feel like a child... like I know nothing, I can't even socialize. Especially when we are going out for dinner and I'm not quite sure what I want.. or I do and I'm just to scared to talk to the waiter.. so I have someone else order for me, or say "same as the last person who order x no difference." (It really sucks when I don't particularly like what they've chosen either).
`
My cousin (she's only a month older then me) has a car, a part time job and goes to college full time. My family puts SOOO much pressure on her to keep up grades and keep doing things. (She lives 2 hours away but expected to come home and visit family 2x time a week whilst keeping that up).

I shouldn't be comparing myself to my cousin... but she's worked really hard to get where she is in life right now... and still going, great future, yet... I'm letting mine waste away.

My family has seemed to "given up" and not quite anymore [BEEP] at me for not doing -anything- to the point that they still treat me (and sometimes) even forget that I am 20 years old now, but still like a child... (they even talk down to me sometimes, and try to tell me what to do.. which I find very demeaning :/ ).

I often feel very scared, anxious and insecure like a child, too. A slight side that almost feels the need to be slightly comforted to ease the sensitivity and portions that don't feel 'developed'.

[CeCe]

Ditto. I feel like a 3 year old most of the time. Sort of nice because of this sense of wonder about things, but I'm definately not equipped to deal with the adult world. Clueless and either too vulnerable or, now, after being hurt so much, I'm completely terrified of people and have unbelievable walls put up.

They say, with therapy etc., that you eventually start to go through those developmental stages, or so I've heard.

For me, I'm still waiting.

[merc]

I can relate a little bit, but not too much because no matter what I've always been forced or encouraged to do stuff. I'm ok with most business like situations. However, socially, I'm a wreck.

I can ask the most pompous idiot a legitimate question, if I need to. Yet, sometimes, I struggle socially with the daily routine chit chat. The Good morning and How are you? I also have this belief that people really don't like me, they are only being polite when they engage chit chat. Fake gushing, confuses me? My current boss does this, as in..OH MY GOD, I LOVE WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR HAIR!!! IT'S DARLING!!! OR I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!!

I never know how to respond to people like this...They kind of make me want to run away as fast as I can. It seems though that the world or people in general love these people and thats why they will always gush. It's socially acceptable.

My advice is don't give up. Keep trying to do stuff you enjoy.

[SmileyFace]

I'm almost done with college. I have a car. No job, but I have an internship. And yet.. I still feel this way at gatherings with my parents' friends. I'm always looked at funny... like, people have such a hard time believing that I am a journalism major because I'm not talkative around them. Believe me when I say I'm talkative only around certain people -- in other words, if one makes me feel pretty comfortable, I'll talk their ears off lol. But when I'm around people who are always so judgmental (in this case, my parents' friends and their kids), I'll stay quiet. I can't relate to them whatsoever. This doesn't just apply to when I'm around them. Even around people I just met in my classes who are not journalism majors, I often feel they're looking at me like, "What? You? A journalism major? What the hell?"

As far as my parents go, they don't force me to get out there -- they prefer I don't get out there in the real world. I grew up pretty sheltered and they continue to try to keep me that way at age 22 (almost 23!). It's a pain... it's a shame my parents tell their family friends there's no rush for me to grow up, that they wouldn't mind having me around much longer.. and their friends look at them like they're freakin crazy.

I pretty much stopped attending these gatherings. I love what I've done so far... how I've made baby steps continuously to get out there and do my own thing, but I cannot stand people who try to tell me I cannot do something, that I won't succeed, that I'm better off doing something else that "fits my personality." And they wonder why I don't really talk to them. If you're going to be negative and put me down like that, of course I'm not going to give you the time of day. Idiot.

I hate how people expect every single journalist to be loud and obnoxious. Numerous out there are rather reserved individuals and very laidback. There's no need to be all crazy. Maybe it's different with broadcasters, which I'm not. But still.. it's rather pathetic. I'll only talk when I actually have something to contribute. I hate being expected to be a motor mouth, spewing all sorts of pointless crap and wasting energy and time. And these are the kind of people I don't exactly associate with to begin with, so go figure..

[Chantellabella]

I've been places, was married for 30 years, raised 3 kids, have 2 grandkids, had 3 careers, and guess what!

I'm terrified. I don't feel like I can do anything and feel like I'm just a scared kid in this big old world, having no clue what to do next.

So don't be so hard on yourself. We all develop at different rates and the biggest problem with it all is that there will always be somebody out there telling you that you're doing it wrong, or not doing it enough. The world puts standards on us such as job, college, car, etc. I've done it all and I'm the first one to admit that I want to sit in a corner, suck my thumb and just hide from everything out there.

I think one of the differences we have in life is how many people put pressure on you. Luckily I had no one who bothered what the hell I did when I was a teen and young adult, so I didn't know I was "supposed" to do all those things. But I've seen so many people who go to college, or get married and have kids because that's expected by others. Then they end up divorced and hating their jobs.

So don't down yourself for what you think others expect of you. Just worry about doing what you need to do for your own goals. The rest will fall into place somehow. Then when you accomplish them, you can say you did it, rather than they "made" you do it. They don't get blame.............they don't get credit.

[Misssy]

Hi Kay.

You helped to or did start this website correct Kay?

You know what? I've never started a website.

But I know what you mean life's frustrations are sometimes numerous and snow-balling. Especially disappointing when we struggle with things like this, it (social anxiety etc.) does greatly change one's life it is a huge deal, can be limiting for certain in some ways.

hugs

[Member11]

You helped to or did start this website correct Kay?

Yes, she did. This website is her baby. She has worked on other sites too.

[Skippy]

.....
I can't say too much right now seeing as I dunno what's up or down.

but
....
you are my dear, sweet, sister. and I love you lots n lots!
Things will change for you, you still quite young. But like everyone stuck in a rut there needs to come a time when you decide when you want
change, and that's not until you feel ready. There's time to go to school and time to do stuff still.
But please, don't be afraid! I fell to it when I was your age.
In a way I still did to fear and doubt and look where it got me....

Be strong. And never ever give others the power to care what they think of you. You really are the master of your world. Don't go the way I did and waste away.

You've been here for me during my hard times with Curt....and I know u just didn't know what to say during such but u stuck by me.
I want you to know I'm rooting for u.
You have talent and skill and I know u can make a good life for yourself!