.
.
Skippy,
I'm so proud of you for writing this. Yes, you still have integrity and self worth.
I hear that you're saying you matter and that you are not a piece of [BEEP] who deserved to be hurt. That takes guts to say, "hey, this was only 50% my fault and you have the other 50% to take.
I know for myself, I go into the self hating mode right away and take 100% of the blame for the way I am treated. I start saying, "If I would have done this," or "If I would not have done this, they wouldn't have left me." But relationships are 50/50 with one side reacting to the other side and round and round.
I also hear that you are seeing the world a bit clearer. I know I see things clearly when I hit rock bottom. It's like your perspective on everything changes.
Skippy, you are an honest, genuine person. You're grieving the loss of someone you love. You're also grieving your home, your friends and your way of life. You're even losing your identity because what we do and how we live is also our identity.
That's a lot of grief. So it's perfectly natural to go through all those grief processes: anger, depression, denial. bargaining and acceptance. Only after we grieve, can we move on. Do we forget? No. But that hurt fades and perhaps one day you'll ask yourself why was it even important.
It's all part of the process of letting go. Sometimes it takes years for people to stop stinging from the hurt. I know I still long for a friendship that I had with someone years ago. Although I know it was best to break off the friendship, I still open up that wound every once in awhile and cry all over again.
You are strong and brave. You seem to know yourself and are willing to keep going even though it hurts to move right now.
Just hang in there, my friend. Take it from an old lady.............this too shall pass. I've done a lot of passing in my lifetime, but it hurt like hell when the wound was fresh.
Cindy
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
.
Skippy don't go getting all reckless. Not time for self destruction