fear

[Chantellabella]

I get scared that I won't have choices.
I get scared of the unknown.
I've really been scared lately.
Been panicking a lot.

How do you guys deal with fear?

[Inscrutable Banana]

Avoidance is generally how I "deal with" things I'm afraid of, which is why my life is so stagnant. I used to not think about things if I pushed them aside, but lately that hasn't been working and I've been feeling a fairly oppressive sense of fear/anxiety/panic on a regular basis. Now I'm not really sure what to do, really.

[L]

I try to think about it rationally, writing things down help and talking to someone about what had you fearful.

[James]

I'm a lot like Banana in how I deal with it....avoid, avoid, avoid. I used to drink myself into oblivion, but I had to stop that. Now I just simply avoid everything I'm afraid of, which is why I have no friends, I never go out anywhere and I'm more of a recluse now than I ever have been. Not a very good way to deal with your fears imo. I've found that facing my fears and trying to overcome them usually just doesn't work out for me. I end up proving to myself all over again that the fear will get the best of me, and I'm just better off avoiding. That's just me, though.

[L]

I try not to avoid, but I guess the things that make me fearful are usually work related and I have no choice to carry them out. Also I find telling someone about what I need to do before doing it makes me want to do it more.

[Chantellabella]

Avoidance is generally how I "deal with" things I'm afraid of, which is why my life is so stagnant. I used to not think about things if I pushed them aside, but lately that hasn't been working and I've been feeling a fairly oppressive sense of fear/anxiety/panic on a regular basis. Now I'm not really sure what to do, really.

Avoidance is my first line of defense too. Then I got through despair, panic, black and white thinking, sadness, hopelessness, and circle back to "I'll live." But it doesn't feel good to feel fear, so I get your coping method of wanting to avoid. I have a therapist who I swear is part of the rainbow and unicorn club. But she does have a point. If I avoid, I stay stuck. So I've been plowing through some tough life things, scared, but i guess, scared is progress. Do you find that facing your fears helps when you do overcome them?

[Chantellabella]

I try to think about it rationally, writing things down help and talking to someone about what had you fearful.

Maybe it's my distrust that people will hurt me if I voice my fear that stops me from admitting it. I've only recently begun to trust that I matter to anyone, so my first instinct is to clam up when I'm afraid and put on a brave face. Part of me says to deal with it alone and not let others see my fear so they can't use it to gain power over me.

[Chantellabella]

I'm a lot like Banana in how I deal with it....avoid, avoid, avoid. I used to drink myself into oblivion, but I had to stop that. Now I just simply avoid everything I'm afraid of, which is why I have no friends, I never go out anywhere and I'm more of a recluse now than I ever have been. Not a very good way to deal with your fears imo. I've found that facing my fears and trying to overcome them usually just doesn't work out for me. I end up proving to myself all over again that the fear will get the best of me, and I'm just better off avoiding. That's just me, though.

I used to do that and literally sabotage my chances of succeeding. I was the proverbial worst enemy of myself. I had a ton of guilt that carried over from childhood. I thought I didn't deserve to be happy because I was "bad" and so I literally did everything counter productive to continue failing.....thus punishing myself over and over.

btw......I was in your neck of the woods on Friday for a job interview.

[Chantellabella]

I try not to avoid, but I guess the things that make me fearful are usually work related and I have no choice to carry them out. Also I find telling someone about what I need to do before doing it makes me want to do it more.

Do you think things where you have no choice are scarier situations ......more than when you do? I do. If I feel I have at least some control, I'm not as scared. But thinking I have control over situations or even people is just a delusion I have. So I'm going to have to find ways to deal with a scary world. I can't dissociate or run away anymore. So do you tell people that you are afraid, lasair? Do you worry that they will use that against you?

[Inscrutable Banana]

Avoidance is my first line of defense too. Then I got through despair, panic, black and white thinking, sadness, hopelessness, and circle back to "I'll live." But it doesn't feel good to feel fear, so I get your coping method of wanting to avoid. I have a therapist who I swear is part of the rainbow and unicorn club. But she does have a point. If I avoid, I stay stuck. So I've been plowing through some tough life things, scared, but i guess, scared is progress. Do you find that facing your fears helps when you do overcome them?

Yeah, avoidance is crappy that way. It doesn't solve anything, it just delays the inevitable, and when what you were avoiding comes back around there's a chance that it'll be worse than it was before. At best you just end up running around in circles, at worst you end up creating a bigger problem than what you were avoiding in the first place. Of course, when it comes to stuff like this it's hard to break the habit of doing something even if you may know it's not the best course of action.

As for facing your fears, I guess you kind of have to learn to take the good with the bad, which is something I haven't really learned to do yet myself. Sometimes you face your fear, succeed, and realize that what you were afraid of wasn't so bad and you gain a little confidence. However, sometimes trying to face a fear can end up in "failure" and serve to reinforce what you were afraid of; for example, convincing yourself to pursue a romantic interest despite having an abnormally strong fear of rejection (I say abnormal because everyone has this fear to some extent), but then you get rejected and it makes you feel like you shouldn't have bothered in the first place because you knew it was going to happen. Fear also has a nasty habit of getting you into a state of mind where you end up creating self-fulfilling prophecies that serve to increase any sense of hopelessness or helplessness you already had.

Fun times with the human brain. ¬_¬

[Chloe]

Trying to work around them, it would make things too difficult to avoid everything I'm afraid of. It works with some thinks like avoiding gory stuff i can do that, but otherwise i just have to accept that it's going to either happen or it won't. I've tried plowing through the fears that I can't really avoid without causing some problems and it didn't work at all just made my attack 10 times worse and upset others way more

[L]

Maybe it's my distrust that people will hurt me if I voice my fear that stops me from admitting it. I've only recently begun to trust that I matter to anyone, so my first instinct is to clam up when I'm afraid and put on a brave face. Part of me says to deal with it alone and not let others see my fear so they can't use it to gain power over me.

I find talking to someone that I trust, that is outside of the situation helps me. This person is usually my boyfriend. Fear is not a weakness in itself, it is how you learn to use it that counts. It seems that you are afraid of what others think of you? Have you ever been talking to someone where they will talk about something they have experienced that you have also experienced but you never spoke about it, they can make it sound more "normal". I find having someone to relate to helpful and other times someone who is empathic with no experience also a help.

[L]

Do you think things where you have no choice are scarier situations ......more than when you do? I do. If I feel I have at least some control, I'm not as scared. But thinking I have control over situations or even people is just a delusion I have. So I'm going to have to find ways to deal with a scary world. I can't dissociate or run away anymore. So do you tell people that you are afraid, lasair? Do you worry that they will use that against you?

I find were I have no choice I have less avoidance and therefore I plan and rationalise more, try get help and talk it through and get on with it - I often find it easier as in the end I have something to show for it - I have proved to myself I am capable, increased my self-esteem, self-worth and I am less scared the next time. Where I have the choice I can run from it and not learn anything. I try to talk to someone about it, not even that I am afraid but rather that I plan to do it. I only tell people I truly trust ie. my boyfriend that I am scared or fearful of something. Usually I will tell my mother I plan to do something and I know she will ask me about it the next day again. The only person you are in control of is you and no one else, you can have perceptions of how you perceive the situations and gain control over how you feel about it.