panic attacks over sex??

[Chloe]

hi there just thought id poor my heart out... for almost 3 years now i've had panic attacks i get them when i'm really stressed (after a bad french exam/ on a night out when separated from friends), whenever i see something really gory on a movie (i'm dead squeamish) and now lately whenever i get tickled (my boyfriends stopped doing it now hes realized)

but basically something happens mainly its when were doing "stuff" (100% consensual) and ill be happy and fine one minute and then all of a sudden something snaps: i tense up, my breath gets shaky, if i don't shut down straight away i push away from him, he tries to touch me (to comfort me) i scream, i shout i try to hit him, i hyperventilate, shake, cry my eyes out

hes been amazing about it and will try to talk me down, touch my hand if ill let him to comfort me, he stops sometimes before i've even fully gone, hes not bothered about it...but i am. i've had no bad experiences in my child hood to explain it, hes my first so no dick head boyfriends who've screwed me up and no abuse or anything (nothing anywhere near close).

so whats going on is it just me or is there any other people in the same situation as me ??

p.s im on these beta blockers but all they do is somewhat scale down panicking so that he can talk me down, going back to the doctors soon

[Chantellabella]

You're not alone. I used to have panic attacks all the time when I was married. In fact it was so bad that I would try to dissociate altogether and mentally leave because I was so triggered by sex that it was traumatic for me

[Chloe]

It's just been going on for 3 years nearly I'm just sick of it I keep it a secret from anyone I can my mum only found out recently as did my sister but I hide it from the whole college group and take all the teasing I got about being a virgin but then I panicked in front of them so I'm going to have to explain myself cause it was a really bad attack how long did it take for you to get over it what did you do to get rid I it or have you not managed yet.

[Chantellabella]

Well unfortunately, I just got rid of the husband after 30 years of marriage. Then I found out that I actually enjoyed sex with other people - just not him. He did't seem safe to me and I felt like I "owed it to him." Yes, I still had some regret and anxiety after having sex with other people, but it wasn't as bad as with my husband. I think there was some resentment of his expectation of me that created some of the anxiety. He really believed that it was my duty to give him "his due" which basically took away my freedom of consent

[Chloe]

Hmm thing is though there's no pressure to do that he knows not to expect it some days he even says to me not today because he knows it'll set me off but I don't know it will I've had other people kiss me before and it's terrified me way and I've had to go and yet I feel safe all the time apart from when I just snap. One thing that I don't think helps is that nothing is constant or predictable I've had days where I've panicked at minor things but later that same day I instigate something convince him I'm fine and we can do everything and yet other days it can be the other way round

[L]

I remember the first time things got close to sex for me. I freaked and literally curled up in a ball, wouldn't talk to the guy and cried- like you I didn't have any bad sexual experiences and I fully trusted the guy. For me, I figure, the reasons behind it were that I was not ready to be sexually active, personally I wasn't even sure of my sexuality - it took me another 3 years before I was ready and the same guy was my first (our story is complicated). I used to panic in situations such as being tickled too much, having my head covered and general feelings of being trapped (physically, emotionally and mentally).

For me these feelings went away the more time I spent with my now boyfriend in a non-sexual way, growing to truly trust him, feeling comfortable took a long time and then I felt safe. You might not be ready, took me until I was 22 to be ready!

[Chloe]

Well it was about 6 months of knowing him before we started kissing and touching with clothes on it took a year and 9 months after both of us admited we loved each other him first then me. We see each other every week at the least and if were at mine it generally means it's a "cuddle day" and if at all we can't do anything because of me being a girl it's just another cuddle day with movies and prattling around. We talk about anything and everything he makes me laugh and feel amazing so I don't see how It can be me not trusting him when I trust him with everything and anything in my life. If were ever in a situation where I don't feel safe all I need is him to just be there by my side and I'm not as scared, there's no pressure from him either so I honestly don't understand it. We're coming up 3 years in March and I'm getting sick of my panics slowly taking over and interrupting more and more of my life