I've been having a really hard time. Ever since I was 11 I have had strange physical and mental symptoms. For the longest time I put them up to anxiety but the I realized they weren't normal. I went through a good period where I felt almost completely normal from November 2015 to September 2016, when my symptoms came back with a bang. Ever since they have been getting worse and worse, even worse than before the good period and there are new symptoms too. Now I am a wreck. I've been so bad I that I almost can't function. I've stopped doing so many things. Going out is a struggle. I'm even putting off college because of how bad I've been (not that I want to go anyway, I hate school).
Saw a psychiatrist for the 1st time on Friday. This did not put my mind at ease. I told her I was worried about having schizophrenia or being crazy. She said that yes, it could become something more "intense" like that as I get older. I'm so worried about never getting better and being a crazy schizophrenic my whole life. She put me on an antipsychotic called risperidone (How did it come to this?!) which I started taking that same day. So far it hasn't helped at all.
I really feel like I'm going crazy. Today, for example- One of my main symptoms is seeing images in my head of made-up places. These images often have bad, inexplicable feelings to them. Often, every day lately, these images will take over everything and I constantly feel like I'm in them. It is so bad I really feel like wherever I am is different place. Today I watched a TV show and later a music video my friend showed me. The entire rest of the day I felt like I was either in the place the show took place in or the place the music video took place in (can happen with real places too). Later to self-soothe I was looking at some favorite things online. I suddenly felt very scatterbrained. I started thinking no, I should be looking at something else or no, looking at this will make me feel bad. I started questioning why I was looking at what I was looking at (Do I really like this stuff or do I just like the feeling it gives me? Am I just looking at it to recreate a happier time in my life when I used to look at this all the time?). I started not knowing how to feel because I was thinking about how looking at this stuff should make me feel. Then my mind felt really bad in a way I can't explain. I felt like it was fading. I got panicky. Even looking at random stuff gives me a weird feeling and then I get a sharp feeling in my head like pure energy that feels like it's going to explode into something bad happening to me, like a panic attack or something.
Is there anyway to tell if I really am going crazy or if it's just anxiety? Is it true that if you're going crazy you don't know it? If you would be so kind please read my long list of symptoms below. Has anyone else had these symptoms? Please help me, I'm suffering so much! I feel so bad!