really ?!? when does it end

[Chloe]

after stopping myself from panicking 5 different times i was really proud of myself. after 3 years i never thought i would be possible i thought the only way for me to not panic was to become a lesbian and stop going outside really. that honestly would stop me panicking (probably) but i wouldn't be happy with it. so for a while i was happy soldiering along. i ended up going to counselling and after my fourth or fifth session i was quite glad to say id had my thoughts expanded on and some new idea's as to what sets me off why it set me off and so on. i was happy with the progress. i stop myself once...twice... three times until i stopped myself yesterday. i couldn't have been happier. i took the counselors words of warning that it may not last but she was pleasantly surprised to. however as of last night it all went downhill panic pass out panic for ages to the point where i shut down and couldn't move.
i can't believe how stupid i was to start to think oh that's it now no more panicking, if i was going to keep on panicking surely i wouldn't have been able to stop myself this many times. i finally thought i wouldn't have to be an embarrassment to my parents, something they needed to be humiliated by if anyone else found out. i thought i could be a normal teenager and go out and enjoy myself. i wouldn't have to be so cautious and stead fast. i thought i can finally stop upsetting my boyfriend every time i panic because he scares me or does something wrong and instead can focus more on him rather than the other way around. but silly me for thinking i could be normal and healthy and okay. what drives me mad is i've calmed myself down from the same situation before so why could i not do it again. just feel compleatly worn out and useless after all of this. is it ever really going to end ??

[Keddy]

I'm sorry you're going through all that, Chloe...
Panic attacks are horrible. So is anxiety in general. Sometimes it feels like the anxiety is going to disappear forever, and just when you start feeling good again, the panic comes right back.
Were you able to identify what gave you the panic attack yesterday? Maybe if you can figure out what's bothering you, it would help to work on that with your counselor.
I know where you're coming from, though. I'm in a very similar situation with my anxiety right now. I went on a new med and started therapy, and I thought my anxiety was going away, but now it's come back and I can't get away from it
I hope my advice is helpful. I'm here if you need anything
/Keddy

[Chloe]

i keep a log of what it was. it was kind of two things that set me off both ive dealt with but one of them not that often, both of which ive touched up on with the counselor.
the first panic attack i know was just from me getting anxious said stop tried to calm myself down but people were talking. i misinterpreted it as them being angry got scared it spiraled.
the second one was from me feeling trapped because of the position i put myself in from panicking in the first place and then passing out. i even knew while i was panicking i was being stupid about it. but if i didn't panic the first time i wouldn't have cause myself the second problem which made me panic.
this is the first sign of progress which is why i was so hoping that that would be it because there's never been any improvement before this.