Yep, it was pointless

[nothing]

Well, I figured coming here, posting and reading some of the threads would be useless and I was right. Well, not true actually; I feel worse.

I realize that I've been almost completely non-functional for over half my life and this simply will not change. CBT tells me it can change, but CBT is bullshit and doesn't work for me. It doesn't matter how many times I do something, I'm still equally miserable. I understand I have negative thinking patterns; I don't know how to change them and neither does anyone else. The 'therapists' need to be honest and admit that they're mostly around to siphon off money from their desperate and hapless patients, none of this crap works.

I really don't know what I expect by posting this. A bunch of "it'll get better" replies? No replies? Replies agreeing with me? It doesn't matter. I really do hope some of the treatments discussed here work for others, but on May 5th I have what will be my last therapy appointment ever; I have a finite amount of money to spend every month and wasting $150 every two weeks on this nonsense is just ridiculous. I can definitely put the money to better use and finally just self-destruct completely. I'll be alone and miserable no matter what, I'm too far gone to ever even function; I'm going to make sure I feel as little pain as possible.

[Total Eclipse]

Communities are meant to be around people who understand and support and can cope with you. It can be an outlet to vent and let others see how your feeling, it helps people relate to you and even is a given / take, they try to be supportive, and if they've been in something similar, realize they aren't alone, posting on the thread makes the other party feel not alone. Most people don't have that function in real life.

I have felt the same way your feeling.. tho. Sometimes I feel any sites along with health that are just "cheery support sites" are to much when I'm hurting so badly, and don't feel like being in a communicative, or supportive mood. It's a hard struggle and honestly you sound like you need support with family. I don't recall if I've asked you if you had any support near by?

I also agree that most CBT methods suck

[nothing]

Communities are meant to be around people who understand and support and can cope with you. It can be an outlet to vent and let others see how your feeling, it helps people relate to you and even is a given / take, they try to be supportive, and if they've been in something similar, realize they aren't alone, posting on the thread makes the other party feel not alone. Most people don't have that function in real life.

I have felt the same way your feeling.. tho. Sometimes I feel any sites along with health that are just "cheery support sites" are to much when I'm hurting so badly, and don't feel like being in a communicative, or supportive mood. It's a hard struggle and honestly you sound like you need support with family. I don't recall if I've asked you if you had any support near by?

I also agree that most CBT methods suck

Well, I live with my mother, if that counts. At age 34 though, it only provides a feeling of failure and hopelessness. I understand that some people need an outlet, I posted when I was panicking and realizing that this will never get better; I'm pretty numbed to it at the moment because I've decided to cancel my next 'therapy' appointment on Monday and just use the small amount of money I have to go back to self-medicating.

I'd much rather give my money to an honest businessperson who provides an actual service than continue to be fleeced by the psychiatric/industrial/pharmaceutical complex; I've had enough.

[Inscrutable Banana]

You are older than I am, but I can relate to your situation as I am perpetually unemployed and still living with my mother as I approach my 27th birthday. I have a lack of educational documentation (no high school diploma or GED) and I have no real work history to speak of (a single job at which I lasted roughly a month). I'm afraid to deal with day-to-day life and whenever I think of filling out applications I talk myself out of it convincing myself I wouldn't even be able to wash dishes up to an employers standards, let alone drag myself out of bed every morning to go do it. I spend a lot of my time wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing, feeling as if I'm incapable of ever improving my life, that I'll remain unemployable, and that I'll spend the rest of my life miserable and alone. If I don't get my [BEEP] together before my mother can no longer carry my burden (she shouldn't even be doing it now, really) I'll probably end up homeless.

This forum is just somewhere we can be among people who can relate to how we may be feeling and to both give and receive whatever advice and support people feel they can offer, as well as provide a place to vent and/or discuss our frustrations. I'm sure we're all aware that kind words and hugs smileys only go so far and often feel futile, but it's better than nothing at all and it's the best people who don't know really know you personally and are potentially hundreds or thousands of miles away can really do. No one here can fix your problems any more than a therapist or psychiatrist can; it's a long and arduous path, and people can try to positively influence how you tackle the challenges that arise along the way, but ultimately we have to walk it ourselves. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it will get better, but it can when the right elements come together. Unfortunately, when we're at our lowest it can be hard to believe that, and thus we end up thinking and behaving in ways that create a bunch of negative self-fulfilling prophecies that just keep us down in the dumps—it's something I'm personally very familiar with. I share your pessimism toward therapy and psychiatry and it has resulted in me not having tried to go for any counseling yet (among other factors), but if you get paired up with the right person I do believe it can help—it just won't fix your problems for you. I also share your distrust of pharmaceuticals, but I don't see substance abuse as an even remotely viable alternative; any temporary relief it may provide through numbing your awareness to life's problems is not at all worth the added misery it will bring in the long term.

[Kesky]

i think, despite ourselves, we retain a small kernel of hope. it can suck sometimes because we wish we could give up, but most of us don't. I see no way out. I feel trapped. I never give myself any reason to believe I can move beyond my bubble but [BEEP] me if i don't still dream about it. i think we post on these sites because a part of us hasn't completely given up. maybe you're an exception but it doesn't seem like it. you expressed a lot of the same feelings I have. stay with it.

[nothing]

i think, despite ourselves, we retain a small kernel of hope. it can suck sometimes because we wish we could give up, but most of us don't. I see no way out. I feel trapped. I never give myself any reason to believe I can move beyond my bubble but [BEEP] me if i don't still dream about it. i think we post on these sites because a part of us hasn't completely given up. maybe you're an exception but it doesn't seem like it. you expressed a lot of the same feelings I have. stay with it.

You're right about that, I wouldn't bother posting or even continuing to live if I didn't have any hope; it's in there somewhere, I just don't know how to summon it. I'm still giving up on myself though, I was so bad I couldn't breathe or see straight so I took phenibut, alprazolam and wine then blacked out. True, I feel horrible now with a headache and guilt with a broken wine glass on the bedroom floor, but I'll have to see how low I can go before my body just gives up; my mind already has.