The worse it seems to get. At this point, I feel it's too late to deprogram myself; the automatic negative thoughts are just too damn powerful and overwhelming. I've tried to the point of absolute exhaustion to envision ANY type of positive outcome in the future, but EVERY time I do, the negative thoughts take over and I really can't stand it anymore.

I'm all cried out now, I was raging yesterday, then weeping and curled into a ball most of the night; now I feel dangerously numb to it all. It's not getting any better, there's no hope for me, not a bit.